December 31 2013
Greetings My Friend,
It is the final day of 2013. It is sobering in a way and I also have
a sense of excitemnt for the new begining starting tomorrow. I have lived
60 years now. I have known deep sadness and great joy. I walked life on my
own steam and have been truly unhappy. I am now walking with the Lord and I
never want to walk without Him again.
I always thought being older was going to be hard. In my mind I felt that being
young was better. At times now I find my looking younger than my years a tad bit
difficult. I tend to look 10 years younger and at this point with all my health
issues looking my age would mean that people would see why I struggle. It is a
thought.
When I married Junior he was 51 and I was 43. I felt like most of my life was lived
and we'd maybe have 25 years. Out here in VA I see so many older people well into their
80's and 90's. Many are still driving, keeping up their homes and such. When we married
I asked Junior if we could be married 25 years. My divorce came along at 24 1/2 years and
I thought seeing 25 years would be nice. Junior the gem he is said "nope, let's aim for
50 years." That is our goal.
As I continue on in my faith walk I find God is using me even in my older years. I love that
as well. Since retirment I have started a writing career. I love it. I have always loved
writing and now I am sharing my writing weekly.
I thought that I'd be involved in some sort of work of volunteering. As it turns out I am not
involved in a volunteer activity at present anyway. Chronic Fatigue keeps me from being able
to be dependable. God has shown me that ministry can also be outside of a church building. I
like that as well.
I also find my church family is not only the church building I go to worship each Sunday it is also
the comunity of believers in the community, it is also the social media I hook into as well. Many of
my fellow Christian friends are not of the same demnonation as I am. I like that as well. I like
being able to share with all types of believers. Some have a walk that is deeper than mine. Some are
just coming into the faith family and we each are able to reach out to each other and help each other
out in this journey of faith. I like that a ton.
I continue to learn to walk away from legalistic ways as well. For me I love a routine in life. I love
things to check off on a list as I do day to day life. I have found myself though being over legalistic
in doing my lists. I get angry if something is not the way I planned it to be. My church family has
patience with me as I learn to "go with the flow" more and more. When I fall down they are there to pick
me up and encourage me. They see the "good" in me when all I see is bad junk. As they continue to love
me and accept me even when I am too opionated. In their gentle love though I learn how to let go and to
walk without a schedule for each moment in my life.
As I learn to be tolerant of me I also find myself being more tolerant of others. That is a wonderful feeling
and I grow more in the Lord. That feels ever so awesome. I learn "judge not least ye be judged." I also learn
we are known by our fruit and I am able to discern where to invest my energy and where to go on down the road.
Sometimes I find God taking me down a path that makes no sense at all. As I learn to "just follow" though I find
God to be even more amazing and in the end I am thankful for the journey. I continue to have moments where the
journey is harder than all get out. I don't mind though. Each time I walk to the other side of the journey I tend
to find a sense of wonder and accomplishment. The more I "trust" God and do what I am told the more I find myself
doing more than I ever dreamed possible. It is amazing.
This past year I have struggled with God. It made no sense to give God all the glory in my mind. I love making life
all about me and through years of counseling I have learned that when I make life about me only I am never going to
find peace. Life is not all about me even if I'd like it to be. So in my mind how could life be all about God?
I kept asking God and talking to God and God kept saying "just do it." I gave up and started each day with "Your
will Lord." As I gave each day over to God I found that He was so right. I knew I could not do this on my own so
I kept praying asking God to help me move into "all about Him." God was faithful and soon I found myself not asking
a million questions about "why?"
I learned that God understood my struggle and He helped me to understand. He let me ask my questions and then gently
God pointed me in His direction. I found myself letting go and marveling at God yet again.
I am a constant questioner. I tend to puzzel about the in's and out's of life and want answers. I am learning sometimes
I must just "do it." I don't have to understand the whole puzzel when I set out on a project these days and it is
about the most freeing feeling I have ever known.
As I learn that God only wants my best I find trust. I find I can let go of the controll I tend to want to have. Junior
also teaches me to let go of controll. As I learn that he only wants my best I find myself trusting and letting go. It is
a freeing feeling and one I have not known until this faith journey.
My last thought is "let go, let God." Yup it works.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
December 28 2013
December 28 2013
Greetings My Friend,
The focus right now is for New Year's Eve. The older I get the less importance this
holiday is for me. Some years we are even in bed at midnight. The need to be surrounded
by friends and family and a party atmosphere are fairly much gone. We don't even care if
we see the ball drop in NY.
My focus does go towards the thought of "Am I closer to God at the end of the year than I
was at the start of the year." I tend to keep putting a lot of thought into this each year.
The more I learn to put my focus on God the more I learn to give God the glory and the more
wholeness I feel in life.
As a young person I enjoyed being involved with a church family. I loved helping out on
weddings, singing in the choir and such. As I entered high school I found myself wanting to
be liked by the kids at school as well and I did not want to be a "prude." I felt I could
walk with the world and God.
To be honest it took me a few decades to see that I truly could not walk with the world and
with God. My love for God did not really leave me but I continued to try to be all things to
all people and in the process I lost my way.
As a very young person I can look back and see those moments where I was listening to God and
doing what I was told to do. As I got older and tried to reason a dual walk I found I was not
"hearing" God.
Then I found myself at my lowest point after my divorce. I cried out to God and I began a serious
walk with Him. In Him I found peace and contentment. The road was hard at times but I found it to
ok as well. I found that the deep loneliness I had was starting to go away. I found myself being
able to make changes for the better and being content in my decisions which weren't really mine but
God's decisions.
Recently on FB I saw a comment and I believe it was directed at me although no name was on it. It stated
that when they got on they saw comment after comment mainly redirected messages about faith, God and
such. I did not want to be overbearing but the message is important to me.
I pulled back a few of my forwards in hopes of having this person come to the Lord. After that moment I
also began hearing from Christians about how helpfull these messages were for them. To be honest I often
found encouragement in the ones directed to my page and after being encouraged I sent them out as well.
I never took away all the Christian comments and messages but I scaled back thinking I was reaching out for
the Lord and in hopes of this person coming along in their journey of faith. As time went on though I began
to want to send whatever I felt led to send. The ones who were encouraged also seemed to connect with me as
well.
Sometimes I tend to think ministry is to reach out to the unbelieving world only. Lately though I tend to think
that I also minister to believers. I myself am encouraged and find courgage to go out into the world through
the family of believers. At first I thought this was found in a church building. As I enter into social media
though I find my church also to be the social media.
At times my encouragement to another believer is the piece that opens the door for a believer to reach an
unbeliever. I find ministry to be both to the unbelieving world and to other believers. Not bad.
As I try to be open in my writings I am hopefull that I am reaching the unbelieving world and these days I
also hope my "openess" helps the believers in their work as well.
As I write this I know that my "holding" back time has come to an end. I tell myself that people always have
the opportunity to "unfriend" me. I am sad but I understand as well.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
The focus right now is for New Year's Eve. The older I get the less importance this
holiday is for me. Some years we are even in bed at midnight. The need to be surrounded
by friends and family and a party atmosphere are fairly much gone. We don't even care if
we see the ball drop in NY.
My focus does go towards the thought of "Am I closer to God at the end of the year than I
was at the start of the year." I tend to keep putting a lot of thought into this each year.
The more I learn to put my focus on God the more I learn to give God the glory and the more
wholeness I feel in life.
As a young person I enjoyed being involved with a church family. I loved helping out on
weddings, singing in the choir and such. As I entered high school I found myself wanting to
be liked by the kids at school as well and I did not want to be a "prude." I felt I could
walk with the world and God.
To be honest it took me a few decades to see that I truly could not walk with the world and
with God. My love for God did not really leave me but I continued to try to be all things to
all people and in the process I lost my way.
As a very young person I can look back and see those moments where I was listening to God and
doing what I was told to do. As I got older and tried to reason a dual walk I found I was not
"hearing" God.
Then I found myself at my lowest point after my divorce. I cried out to God and I began a serious
walk with Him. In Him I found peace and contentment. The road was hard at times but I found it to
ok as well. I found that the deep loneliness I had was starting to go away. I found myself being
able to make changes for the better and being content in my decisions which weren't really mine but
God's decisions.
Recently on FB I saw a comment and I believe it was directed at me although no name was on it. It stated
that when they got on they saw comment after comment mainly redirected messages about faith, God and
such. I did not want to be overbearing but the message is important to me.
I pulled back a few of my forwards in hopes of having this person come to the Lord. After that moment I
also began hearing from Christians about how helpfull these messages were for them. To be honest I often
found encouragement in the ones directed to my page and after being encouraged I sent them out as well.
I never took away all the Christian comments and messages but I scaled back thinking I was reaching out for
the Lord and in hopes of this person coming along in their journey of faith. As time went on though I began
to want to send whatever I felt led to send. The ones who were encouraged also seemed to connect with me as
well.
Sometimes I tend to think ministry is to reach out to the unbelieving world only. Lately though I tend to think
that I also minister to believers. I myself am encouraged and find courgage to go out into the world through
the family of believers. At first I thought this was found in a church building. As I enter into social media
though I find my church also to be the social media.
At times my encouragement to another believer is the piece that opens the door for a believer to reach an
unbeliever. I find ministry to be both to the unbelieving world and to other believers. Not bad.
As I try to be open in my writings I am hopefull that I am reaching the unbelieving world and these days I
also hope my "openess" helps the believers in their work as well.
As I write this I know that my "holding" back time has come to an end. I tell myself that people always have
the opportunity to "unfriend" me. I am sad but I understand as well.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Thursday, December 26, 2013
December 26 2013
December 26 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Today is a one of those I want to whine days. My wrist hurts like no tomorrow it is
arthritis. The dogs stole my blankets all night on the coldest night of the year so
far. I knew a child at one time in my life who would walk around saying "Waaaaaa waaaaa" and
that is it. That is how I feel today.
The heat is not working something needs to be fixed so it is cold in the house and I don't
like to be cold. Mindy jumped up on my lap and walked across the keyboard.....it is hard for
me to quit feeling so bad for myself.
I want all my "whaaaa's" to be silly so people will laugh at me. I don't pull it off this time
though so I sound like a whiny child. I take stock of this bad attitude that is trying to overide
my joy, contentment.
As I begin to sort through each "whaaa" I begin to realize that in the scheme of things they truly
are not that awful. They aren't that funny as well. They need to be kept to myself and I need to be
quiet until I have a better frame of mind.
That is one of the lesson's I often reflect on. "What you ponder on often comes out of your mouth."
So I attempt to learn again the valuable lesson of "garbage in, garbage out." Through the years I
have worked hard to see the "good" things in life. Some days I do pretty good and some I don't.
I find the biggest changes have come since I have begun my faith journey. As I started this journey I
wondered how I would have time to pray every day. I wondered how I could be in touch with God throughout
the day. I have raised a family, been married most of my life, went to college after I had children and
the list goes on and on. So how could I put "one" more thing into my day?
I was home in the mornings after I married Junior. My shift did not start till 10:30 so Junior was at work
for a few hours before I even left for work. That time was precious. I began quiet time before work with God.
I read my Bible and I learned to pray. I even found a Bible study to work through from time to time and frankly
I loved those days to no end.
When I got to work I focused on work. I had a problem with a co worker one time and I took myself out for a
walk. I walked and prayed and talked to God about my situation. I wanted to quit but God told me to stay. I
stayed. I found myself handling this person and not resorting to anger. That was a first.
Still I found that for the most part I rarely thought about God throughout the work day. I did think about being
honest, fair and such things. I would pull out the "WWJD?" thought from time to time but mainly I was focused
on my work.
Toward the end of my career I found each day becoming next to impossible to do. The energy I once had was fading
fast. Days off meant that I slept most of the day so I'd have energy to get up and go to work. The simplest of
tasks became difficult. My sleep was getting erratic. It took me a few years before I realized I needed a CPAP
machine due to my devated septum it was hard for me to breathe.
The lack of sleep was creating all kinds of havoc in my life. Then I found myslef just sitting and not moving. It
was hard for me to work up the energy to move from one chair to the next. I totally did not understand this either
since I am a fidgety type person.
In all of the frusturation I found myself turning to God all day throughout the day. One by one my doctor and I have
found what was behind my lack of energy and sleep and my tendcy to stumble and fall. It has been a huge process for
me to gain an insight to my "lack." The last piece of the puzzel has been to start taking viatmin b 12 supplements.
These days I have a measure of the energy I once had. I am older so I am not as active as in years gone by but my
energy level is way better.
I still have moments where I need to stop and rest for a day or so at times. I have learned to move througout the day
in small amounts instead of lumping projects together in an hour or two time frame. These days even Junior can tell
when I have ran out of steam and he will start having me sit and rest if we are out and about. He knows my struggle
with extreme heat and again will have me sit in the air conditioned car for some time outs when we need to be out
side a whole lot.
I find myself "thanking God" a whole lot these days. I love this thankfull feeling so much. My mind set is not on all
the bad stuff life has thrown me but on the good stuff that comes my way. For the first 40 years of my life I had
people who wanted to controll me and if I did not do what they wanted they pounded on me. I was married 24 years and
all of a sudden I was divorced. I felt like "who would want me?" Then I met Junior and we've been married 15 years
now.
I realize that God has given me a second chance in life. I marvel at that all the time. I thank God for this second
chance often. I have learned that each day there is a new second, a new minute to work through. Then I realize there
is a new day, a new week, a new month and then a new year.
All the newness of life was not a young person's gift anymore. It was a gift to an older person and I was so thankful.
I was now married to a man who respected me, my feelings and everything. He thought I was and still am beautiful. He
tells me often. He even treats me like I am beautiful and I have gone through some weight changes as I have become
an older woman.
I can't thank God enough for Junior to tell you the truth. He makes me feel like a woman and no one in my life before him
has ever made me feel so precious. I even tell people that Junior wanted me because I looked good on his arm. I feel that
pretty.
God told us to move to VA and we did. I lived in MI for a good 50 years so I figured I'd never pack up and move out of state.
I could seem me/us being snow birds but a move out of state, I did not see that one. Out in Va I have found a doctor who
has worked alongside of me to help me get to the bottom of these struggles. In MI the doctor patted my hand, gave me a
perscription and sent me home. Here we are a team and I like that a bunch.
My journey with God has gotten to the point where I tend to find several times througout the day to go to Him. Sometimes
it is just to read the Bible and offer up a few prayers. Sometimes I find myself in a day long dicussion and then I
learn lessons I need to function. The more I focus my love and attention on God the more wholeness I feel in my life.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Today is a one of those I want to whine days. My wrist hurts like no tomorrow it is
arthritis. The dogs stole my blankets all night on the coldest night of the year so
far. I knew a child at one time in my life who would walk around saying "Waaaaaa waaaaa" and
that is it. That is how I feel today.
The heat is not working something needs to be fixed so it is cold in the house and I don't
like to be cold. Mindy jumped up on my lap and walked across the keyboard.....it is hard for
me to quit feeling so bad for myself.
I want all my "whaaaa's" to be silly so people will laugh at me. I don't pull it off this time
though so I sound like a whiny child. I take stock of this bad attitude that is trying to overide
my joy, contentment.
As I begin to sort through each "whaaa" I begin to realize that in the scheme of things they truly
are not that awful. They aren't that funny as well. They need to be kept to myself and I need to be
quiet until I have a better frame of mind.
That is one of the lesson's I often reflect on. "What you ponder on often comes out of your mouth."
So I attempt to learn again the valuable lesson of "garbage in, garbage out." Through the years I
have worked hard to see the "good" things in life. Some days I do pretty good and some I don't.
I find the biggest changes have come since I have begun my faith journey. As I started this journey I
wondered how I would have time to pray every day. I wondered how I could be in touch with God throughout
the day. I have raised a family, been married most of my life, went to college after I had children and
the list goes on and on. So how could I put "one" more thing into my day?
I was home in the mornings after I married Junior. My shift did not start till 10:30 so Junior was at work
for a few hours before I even left for work. That time was precious. I began quiet time before work with God.
I read my Bible and I learned to pray. I even found a Bible study to work through from time to time and frankly
I loved those days to no end.
When I got to work I focused on work. I had a problem with a co worker one time and I took myself out for a
walk. I walked and prayed and talked to God about my situation. I wanted to quit but God told me to stay. I
stayed. I found myself handling this person and not resorting to anger. That was a first.
Still I found that for the most part I rarely thought about God throughout the work day. I did think about being
honest, fair and such things. I would pull out the "WWJD?" thought from time to time but mainly I was focused
on my work.
Toward the end of my career I found each day becoming next to impossible to do. The energy I once had was fading
fast. Days off meant that I slept most of the day so I'd have energy to get up and go to work. The simplest of
tasks became difficult. My sleep was getting erratic. It took me a few years before I realized I needed a CPAP
machine due to my devated septum it was hard for me to breathe.
The lack of sleep was creating all kinds of havoc in my life. Then I found myslef just sitting and not moving. It
was hard for me to work up the energy to move from one chair to the next. I totally did not understand this either
since I am a fidgety type person.
In all of the frusturation I found myself turning to God all day throughout the day. One by one my doctor and I have
found what was behind my lack of energy and sleep and my tendcy to stumble and fall. It has been a huge process for
me to gain an insight to my "lack." The last piece of the puzzel has been to start taking viatmin b 12 supplements.
These days I have a measure of the energy I once had. I am older so I am not as active as in years gone by but my
energy level is way better.
I still have moments where I need to stop and rest for a day or so at times. I have learned to move througout the day
in small amounts instead of lumping projects together in an hour or two time frame. These days even Junior can tell
when I have ran out of steam and he will start having me sit and rest if we are out and about. He knows my struggle
with extreme heat and again will have me sit in the air conditioned car for some time outs when we need to be out
side a whole lot.
I find myself "thanking God" a whole lot these days. I love this thankfull feeling so much. My mind set is not on all
the bad stuff life has thrown me but on the good stuff that comes my way. For the first 40 years of my life I had
people who wanted to controll me and if I did not do what they wanted they pounded on me. I was married 24 years and
all of a sudden I was divorced. I felt like "who would want me?" Then I met Junior and we've been married 15 years
now.
I realize that God has given me a second chance in life. I marvel at that all the time. I thank God for this second
chance often. I have learned that each day there is a new second, a new minute to work through. Then I realize there
is a new day, a new week, a new month and then a new year.
All the newness of life was not a young person's gift anymore. It was a gift to an older person and I was so thankful.
I was now married to a man who respected me, my feelings and everything. He thought I was and still am beautiful. He
tells me often. He even treats me like I am beautiful and I have gone through some weight changes as I have become
an older woman.
I can't thank God enough for Junior to tell you the truth. He makes me feel like a woman and no one in my life before him
has ever made me feel so precious. I even tell people that Junior wanted me because I looked good on his arm. I feel that
pretty.
God told us to move to VA and we did. I lived in MI for a good 50 years so I figured I'd never pack up and move out of state.
I could seem me/us being snow birds but a move out of state, I did not see that one. Out in Va I have found a doctor who
has worked alongside of me to help me get to the bottom of these struggles. In MI the doctor patted my hand, gave me a
perscription and sent me home. Here we are a team and I like that a bunch.
My journey with God has gotten to the point where I tend to find several times througout the day to go to Him. Sometimes
it is just to read the Bible and offer up a few prayers. Sometimes I find myself in a day long dicussion and then I
learn lessons I need to function. The more I focus my love and attention on God the more wholeness I feel in my life.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
December 26 2013
December 26 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Today is a one of those I want to whine days. My wrist hurts like no tomorrow it is
arthritis. The dogs stole my blankets all night on the coldest night of the year so
far. I knew a child at one time in my life who would walk around saying "Waaaaaa waaaaa" and
that is it. That is how I feel today.
The heat is not working something needs to be fixed so it is cold in the house and I don't
like to be cold. Mindy jumped up on my lap and walked across the keyboard.....it is hard for
me to quit feeling so bad for myself.
I want all my "whaaaa's" to be silly so people will laugh at me. I don't pull it off this time
though so I sound like a whiny child. I take stock of this bad attitude that is trying to overide
my joy, contentment.
As I begin to sort through each "whaaa" I begin to realize that in the scheme of things they truly
are not that awful. They aren't that funny as well. They need to be kept to myself and I need to be
quiet until I have a better frame of mind.
That is one of the lesson's I often reflect on. "What you ponder on often comes out of your mouth."
So I attempt to learn again the valuable lesson of "garbage in, garbage out." Through the years I
have worked hard to see the "good" things in life. Some days I do pretty good and some I don't.
I find the biggest changes have come since I have begun my faith journey. As I started this journey I
wondered how I would have time to pray every day. I wondered how I could be in touch with God throughout
the day. I have raised a family, been married most of my life, went to college after I had children and
the list goes on and on. So how could I put "one" more thing into my day?
I was home in the mornings after I married Junior. My shift did not start till 10:30 so Junior was at work
for a few hours before I even left for work. That time was precious. I began quiet time before work with God.
I read my Bible and I learned to pray. I even found a Bible study to work through from time to time and frankly
I loved those days to no end.
When I got to work I focused on work. I had a problem with a co worker one time and I took myself out for a
walk. I walked and prayed and talked to God about my situation. I wanted to quit but God told me to stay. I
stayed. I found myself handling this person and not resorting to anger. That was a first.
Still I found that for the most part I rarely thought about God throughout the work day. I did think about being
honest, fair and such things. I would pull out the "WWJD?" thought from time to time but mainly I was focused
on my work.
Toward the end of my career I found each day becoming next to impossible to do. The energy I once had was fading
fast. Days off meant that I slept most of the day so I'd have energy to get up and go to work. The simplest of
tasks became difficult. My sleep was getting erratic. It took me a few years before I realized I needed a CPAP
machine due to my devated septum it was hard for me to breathe.
The lack of sleep was creating all kinds of havoc in my life. Then I found myslef just sitting and not moving. It
was hard for me to work up the energy to move from one chair to the next. I totally did not understand this either
since I am a fidgety type person.
In all of the frusturation I found myself turning to God all day throughout the day. One by one my doctor and I have
found what was behind my lack of energy and sleep and my tendcy to stumble and fall. It has been a huge process for
me to gain an insight to my "lack." The last piece of the puzzel has been to start taking viatmin b 12 supplements.
These days I have a measure of the energy I once had. I am older so I am not as active as in years gone by but my
energy level is way better.
I still have moments where I need to stop and rest for a day or so at times. I have learned to move througout the day
in small amounts instead of lumping projects together in an hour or two time frame. These days even Junior can tell
when I have ran out of steam and he will start having me sit and rest if we are out and about. He knows my struggle
with extreme heat and again will have me sit in the air conditioned car for some time outs when we need to be out
side a whole lot.
I find myself "thanking God" a whole lot these days. I love this thankfull feeling so much. My mind set is not on all
the bad stuff life has thrown me but on the good stuff that comes my way. For the first 40 years of my life I had
people who wanted to controll me and if I did not do what they wanted they pounded on me. I was married 24 years and
all of a sudden I was divorced. I felt like "who would want me?" Then I met Junior and we've been married 15 years
now.
I realize that God has given me a second chance in life. I marvel at that all the time. I thank God for this second
chance often. I have learned that each day there is a new second, a new minute to work through. Then I realize there
is a new day, a new week, a new month and then a new year.
All the newness of life was not a young person's gift anymore. It was a gift to an older person and I was so thankful.
I was now married to a man who respected me, my feelings and everything. He thought I was and still am beautiful. He
tells me often. He even treats me like I am beautiful and I have gone through some weight changes as I have become
an older woman.
I can't thank God enough for Junior to tell you the truth. He makes me feel like a woman and no one in my life before him
has ever made me feel so precious. I even tell people that Junior wanted me because I looked good on his arm. I feel that
pretty.
God told us to move to VA and we did. I lived in MI for a good 50 years so I figured I'd never pack up and move out of state.
I could seem me/us being snow birds but a move out of state, I did not see that one. Out in Va I have found a doctor who
has worked alongside of me to help me get to the bottom of these struggles. In MI the doctor patted my hand, gave me a
perscription and sent me home. Here we are a team and I like that a bunch.
My journey with God has gotten to the point where I tend to find several times througout the day to go to Him. Sometimes
it is just to read the Bible and offer up a few prayers. Sometimes I find myself in a day long dicussion and then I
learn lessons I need to function. The more I focus my love and attention on God the more wholeness I feel in my life.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Today is a one of those I want to whine days. My wrist hurts like no tomorrow it is
arthritis. The dogs stole my blankets all night on the coldest night of the year so
far. I knew a child at one time in my life who would walk around saying "Waaaaaa waaaaa" and
that is it. That is how I feel today.
The heat is not working something needs to be fixed so it is cold in the house and I don't
like to be cold. Mindy jumped up on my lap and walked across the keyboard.....it is hard for
me to quit feeling so bad for myself.
I want all my "whaaaa's" to be silly so people will laugh at me. I don't pull it off this time
though so I sound like a whiny child. I take stock of this bad attitude that is trying to overide
my joy, contentment.
As I begin to sort through each "whaaa" I begin to realize that in the scheme of things they truly
are not that awful. They aren't that funny as well. They need to be kept to myself and I need to be
quiet until I have a better frame of mind.
That is one of the lesson's I often reflect on. "What you ponder on often comes out of your mouth."
So I attempt to learn again the valuable lesson of "garbage in, garbage out." Through the years I
have worked hard to see the "good" things in life. Some days I do pretty good and some I don't.
I find the biggest changes have come since I have begun my faith journey. As I started this journey I
wondered how I would have time to pray every day. I wondered how I could be in touch with God throughout
the day. I have raised a family, been married most of my life, went to college after I had children and
the list goes on and on. So how could I put "one" more thing into my day?
I was home in the mornings after I married Junior. My shift did not start till 10:30 so Junior was at work
for a few hours before I even left for work. That time was precious. I began quiet time before work with God.
I read my Bible and I learned to pray. I even found a Bible study to work through from time to time and frankly
I loved those days to no end.
When I got to work I focused on work. I had a problem with a co worker one time and I took myself out for a
walk. I walked and prayed and talked to God about my situation. I wanted to quit but God told me to stay. I
stayed. I found myself handling this person and not resorting to anger. That was a first.
Still I found that for the most part I rarely thought about God throughout the work day. I did think about being
honest, fair and such things. I would pull out the "WWJD?" thought from time to time but mainly I was focused
on my work.
Toward the end of my career I found each day becoming next to impossible to do. The energy I once had was fading
fast. Days off meant that I slept most of the day so I'd have energy to get up and go to work. The simplest of
tasks became difficult. My sleep was getting erratic. It took me a few years before I realized I needed a CPAP
machine due to my devated septum it was hard for me to breathe.
The lack of sleep was creating all kinds of havoc in my life. Then I found myslef just sitting and not moving. It
was hard for me to work up the energy to move from one chair to the next. I totally did not understand this either
since I am a fidgety type person.
In all of the frusturation I found myself turning to God all day throughout the day. One by one my doctor and I have
found what was behind my lack of energy and sleep and my tendcy to stumble and fall. It has been a huge process for
me to gain an insight to my "lack." The last piece of the puzzel has been to start taking viatmin b 12 supplements.
These days I have a measure of the energy I once had. I am older so I am not as active as in years gone by but my
energy level is way better.
I still have moments where I need to stop and rest for a day or so at times. I have learned to move througout the day
in small amounts instead of lumping projects together in an hour or two time frame. These days even Junior can tell
when I have ran out of steam and he will start having me sit and rest if we are out and about. He knows my struggle
with extreme heat and again will have me sit in the air conditioned car for some time outs when we need to be out
side a whole lot.
I find myself "thanking God" a whole lot these days. I love this thankfull feeling so much. My mind set is not on all
the bad stuff life has thrown me but on the good stuff that comes my way. For the first 40 years of my life I had
people who wanted to controll me and if I did not do what they wanted they pounded on me. I was married 24 years and
all of a sudden I was divorced. I felt like "who would want me?" Then I met Junior and we've been married 15 years
now.
I realize that God has given me a second chance in life. I marvel at that all the time. I thank God for this second
chance often. I have learned that each day there is a new second, a new minute to work through. Then I realize there
is a new day, a new week, a new month and then a new year.
All the newness of life was not a young person's gift anymore. It was a gift to an older person and I was so thankful.
I was now married to a man who respected me, my feelings and everything. He thought I was and still am beautiful. He
tells me often. He even treats me like I am beautiful and I have gone through some weight changes as I have become
an older woman.
I can't thank God enough for Junior to tell you the truth. He makes me feel like a woman and no one in my life before him
has ever made me feel so precious. I even tell people that Junior wanted me because I looked good on his arm. I feel that
pretty.
God told us to move to VA and we did. I lived in MI for a good 50 years so I figured I'd never pack up and move out of state.
I could seem me/us being snow birds but a move out of state, I did not see that one. Out in Va I have found a doctor who
has worked alongside of me to help me get to the bottom of these struggles. In MI the doctor patted my hand, gave me a
perscription and sent me home. Here we are a team and I like that a bunch.
My journey with God has gotten to the point where I tend to find several times througout the day to go to Him. Sometimes
it is just to read the Bible and offer up a few prayers. Sometimes I find myself in a day long dicussion and then I
learn lessons I need to function. The more I focus my love and attention on God the more wholeness I feel in my life.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
December 24 2013
December 24 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Today is Christmas Eve. It is the night we remember Jesus' birth. We marvel at His
birth and we marvel at the angels singing. The joy is infectious. Hope rides on the
air like a hot air baloon.
There is something precious about a small tiny baby. A baby wrapped up and laying in a
manger is breath taking. It is simple. It is precious. There is not pomp and circumstance
in His arrival of the world's making. The pomp and circumstance is from heaven as angels
sing the glory of a Savior born this day.
Jesus starts life like we do. He is a baby and grows up. He experiences life just like we do.
He knows pain, joy and the whole gamut. I marvel at this all the time. I marvel at the simple
life Jesus was born into. Jesus never knew great financial wealth. He was not a spoiled rich
child.
Jesus came among the simplest of people. He lived life among the simplest of people. He worked
with His hands as a carpenter until He went into ministry at age 30. Even in ministry Jesus led
a very simple life. He never flaunted His diety or His authority. Amazing.
Jesus always reached out to the lost, the lonely and the hurting of His day. Jesus is the example
we strive to live if we are truly in a faith journey. Jesus was not a wimp as well. He got angry
and upset the temple courts of the money changers. Jesus was real direct and to the point as He
talked to the religous leaders of the day. He told them that they were putting burdens on the
people that was not necessary. He pointed out that the letter of the law was more and more a bunch
of rules and that the heart of the law was not followed and God wants our heart not the letter of
the law preformed.
Jesus aggrvated the religous leaders so much that they sought to have Him killed. One of Jesus followers
who was with Jesus as He preformed miricales turned Jesus in. He betrayed Jesus. Jesus was sent to a
cruel death. Jesus paid "our" penalty. Looking at that cross teaches me a ton of things.
How ugly sin is to God. The horror of hell. As I watch scene after scene of Jesus being persectued. He never
gets a break from pain but more pain keeps being added to Him. In a very weakened state He has to fight to
breathe. Up to pull air into His lungs, rest until the air is gone and then up again. He does this for hours
with a body so filled with pain I can't even begin to grasp the depth of His pain even though I try too.
Jesus dies on that cross and I feel right alongside of the believers the confusion. Jesus kept telling them that
He would come back after 3 days. They wanted Him to not die but to take over and make life right in their mind's
eye. After 3 days Jesus rises and the joy is great.
I marvel. Jesus does not come back and begin to ask "why?" He comes back and offers the hope we now take into our
lives. Jesus has a body, He walks and talks and everything. He stays for 40 days and then we see Him ascend into
heaven. From that moment on the Word goes out about Jesus, God and the love, the hope we can have if we accept
this precious gift given in such love.
Where is your heart today? On the gifts of the world or the world's gift? Think about it.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Today is Christmas Eve. It is the night we remember Jesus' birth. We marvel at His
birth and we marvel at the angels singing. The joy is infectious. Hope rides on the
air like a hot air baloon.
There is something precious about a small tiny baby. A baby wrapped up and laying in a
manger is breath taking. It is simple. It is precious. There is not pomp and circumstance
in His arrival of the world's making. The pomp and circumstance is from heaven as angels
sing the glory of a Savior born this day.
Jesus starts life like we do. He is a baby and grows up. He experiences life just like we do.
He knows pain, joy and the whole gamut. I marvel at this all the time. I marvel at the simple
life Jesus was born into. Jesus never knew great financial wealth. He was not a spoiled rich
child.
Jesus came among the simplest of people. He lived life among the simplest of people. He worked
with His hands as a carpenter until He went into ministry at age 30. Even in ministry Jesus led
a very simple life. He never flaunted His diety or His authority. Amazing.
Jesus always reached out to the lost, the lonely and the hurting of His day. Jesus is the example
we strive to live if we are truly in a faith journey. Jesus was not a wimp as well. He got angry
and upset the temple courts of the money changers. Jesus was real direct and to the point as He
talked to the religous leaders of the day. He told them that they were putting burdens on the
people that was not necessary. He pointed out that the letter of the law was more and more a bunch
of rules and that the heart of the law was not followed and God wants our heart not the letter of
the law preformed.
Jesus aggrvated the religous leaders so much that they sought to have Him killed. One of Jesus followers
who was with Jesus as He preformed miricales turned Jesus in. He betrayed Jesus. Jesus was sent to a
cruel death. Jesus paid "our" penalty. Looking at that cross teaches me a ton of things.
How ugly sin is to God. The horror of hell. As I watch scene after scene of Jesus being persectued. He never
gets a break from pain but more pain keeps being added to Him. In a very weakened state He has to fight to
breathe. Up to pull air into His lungs, rest until the air is gone and then up again. He does this for hours
with a body so filled with pain I can't even begin to grasp the depth of His pain even though I try too.
Jesus dies on that cross and I feel right alongside of the believers the confusion. Jesus kept telling them that
He would come back after 3 days. They wanted Him to not die but to take over and make life right in their mind's
eye. After 3 days Jesus rises and the joy is great.
I marvel. Jesus does not come back and begin to ask "why?" He comes back and offers the hope we now take into our
lives. Jesus has a body, He walks and talks and everything. He stays for 40 days and then we see Him ascend into
heaven. From that moment on the Word goes out about Jesus, God and the love, the hope we can have if we accept
this precious gift given in such love.
Where is your heart today? On the gifts of the world or the world's gift? Think about it.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Saturday, December 21, 2013
December 21 2013
December 21 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Junior is a gem. Sometimes I'd like to scream at him though. For a while it was him telling
me that I am lazy several times a week. I finally had enough and told him to stop. As time
went on we find out I am dealing with Chronic Fatigue and when I can't I don't and when I can I do.
Next it is that I play stupid. No I don't not like I did when I needed to save myself from
a beating.
One of the things I have learned about "me" is that I make choices. The angry woman/child I have
been in the past is gone. It has been a re-foucusing my thoughts so that anger does not rise and
live within me. It is a way to try to see the bright side of a situation rather than worry it to
death.
I read my last blog to Junior as I usually do. I had known the time for him telling me that I do
stupid too much needed to end. I had enough. I asked God a few times how to approach this. I kept
quiet when I really would have liked to get into a nasty argument. I wrote the blog fully expecting
to rewrite it and read it to Junior as I usually do. Junior felt this topic was a good marriage one.
Junior heard my frusturation loud and clear. He came to me a few times to appolgize and give me a kiss.
At that point I thanked God. I did not need to make a huge scene. I found a way for my man to hear my
frusturation and now we move on.
Fifteen years later and I still marvel. I can tell Junior nicely what I don't like and he hears me. He
does not tell me that I am over sensivtive. He acknowldges that at times he is wrong. Junior also will
let me know when I am stomping on his toes.
Recently I asked Junior to hang a couple of things. He said "sure." All of a sudden I sensed he was not
happy with me. He finally said that I was asking too much of him. I was bewildered since he tends to say
without reservation what he will and won't do.
I let him know my confusion. I quit asking him to hang these things and all of a sudden they got hung. I
get used to Junior's upfront ways and I am not generally upset with them. This time it was a struggle for
him to be up front. It happens. I learn to not ask as much so that he can concentrate on the renovating.
Junior and I have a way of understanding each other. Our previous spouses did not understand us but we tend
to be able to figure each other out. I like that feeling a lot. I started with counseling in my former marriage
years before our divorce. I had anger issues to work out. I had to learn to be more direct. As I learned to
be direct and not cave into my anger my spouse could not control me. At that point he wanted the divorce.
My counselor taught me to be direct with a man. He taught me that men want to make women happy but they don't
read between the lines well. As I entered into a relationship with Junior I learned how to be upfront with him
from the start.
On our honeymoon Junior insisted we begin a prayer time each day together. It is this prayer time that I believe
has helped us the most. I believe God opens our hearts to our mates at times, probably all the time. As I kept
asking God to teach me to be the wife Junior needs I found my "eyes" opened to this man. I touched him in ways
that felt good to him.
Junior has listened to God as well in regards to me. At first I was terrified to sweep the floor if Junior was
around. Junior kept showing me patience and these days I sweep when he is in the room. Junior has had to move
slowly with me. I came to him a frightened woman. In Junior's tenderness I have blossomed.
I also know that Junior sounds rough and tough but I also know that there is a tender hearted man inside of him.
When we were first married I would tear into Junior without much thought. It was what I needed to do to survive
life up till that point. Junior was able to step back and let God work with me.
Through the years I find myself going to God first when something is upsetting me. I tend to approach Junior much
more tenderly these days. I think Junior knew I needed to learn how to become soft. As he kept taking me to God
he found ways to open my heart and these days we rarely have words.
Most of the time I tell him that he needs to "stop" and he will. He tells me what he wants and I tend to try to
accomadate his needs. Junior has been renovating this home for 3 1/2 years now. I sense that some days he is ready
to call it an end. He is tired and understandbly so. I am realizing that I need to ask less of him as well so that
he can finish out the work that needs to be done which is still a few years away.
To say that we never fight would be so wrong. We don't fight often and I like that when we have a struggle we tend
to bring it to the other one. We don't try to hurt them with our anger. We understand that the toes were trampled
not on purpose and the other one was not aware of it so we bring it to the other's attention. At that point we tend
to open our eyes to the need and we stop doing what was offensive.
I find it so very important to keep praying. These days Junior and I aren't praying together as we once did. We both tend to
pray through out the day and a big prayer is for our marriage. I came to Junior in tenderness. He heard my frusturation
and is willing to stop. It works so much nicer than all the drama of yesteryear.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Junior is a gem. Sometimes I'd like to scream at him though. For a while it was him telling
me that I am lazy several times a week. I finally had enough and told him to stop. As time
went on we find out I am dealing with Chronic Fatigue and when I can't I don't and when I can I do.
Next it is that I play stupid. No I don't not like I did when I needed to save myself from
a beating.
One of the things I have learned about "me" is that I make choices. The angry woman/child I have
been in the past is gone. It has been a re-foucusing my thoughts so that anger does not rise and
live within me. It is a way to try to see the bright side of a situation rather than worry it to
death.
I read my last blog to Junior as I usually do. I had known the time for him telling me that I do
stupid too much needed to end. I had enough. I asked God a few times how to approach this. I kept
quiet when I really would have liked to get into a nasty argument. I wrote the blog fully expecting
to rewrite it and read it to Junior as I usually do. Junior felt this topic was a good marriage one.
Junior heard my frusturation loud and clear. He came to me a few times to appolgize and give me a kiss.
At that point I thanked God. I did not need to make a huge scene. I found a way for my man to hear my
frusturation and now we move on.
Fifteen years later and I still marvel. I can tell Junior nicely what I don't like and he hears me. He
does not tell me that I am over sensivtive. He acknowldges that at times he is wrong. Junior also will
let me know when I am stomping on his toes.
Recently I asked Junior to hang a couple of things. He said "sure." All of a sudden I sensed he was not
happy with me. He finally said that I was asking too much of him. I was bewildered since he tends to say
without reservation what he will and won't do.
I let him know my confusion. I quit asking him to hang these things and all of a sudden they got hung. I
get used to Junior's upfront ways and I am not generally upset with them. This time it was a struggle for
him to be up front. It happens. I learn to not ask as much so that he can concentrate on the renovating.
Junior and I have a way of understanding each other. Our previous spouses did not understand us but we tend
to be able to figure each other out. I like that feeling a lot. I started with counseling in my former marriage
years before our divorce. I had anger issues to work out. I had to learn to be more direct. As I learned to
be direct and not cave into my anger my spouse could not control me. At that point he wanted the divorce.
My counselor taught me to be direct with a man. He taught me that men want to make women happy but they don't
read between the lines well. As I entered into a relationship with Junior I learned how to be upfront with him
from the start.
On our honeymoon Junior insisted we begin a prayer time each day together. It is this prayer time that I believe
has helped us the most. I believe God opens our hearts to our mates at times, probably all the time. As I kept
asking God to teach me to be the wife Junior needs I found my "eyes" opened to this man. I touched him in ways
that felt good to him.
Junior has listened to God as well in regards to me. At first I was terrified to sweep the floor if Junior was
around. Junior kept showing me patience and these days I sweep when he is in the room. Junior has had to move
slowly with me. I came to him a frightened woman. In Junior's tenderness I have blossomed.
I also know that Junior sounds rough and tough but I also know that there is a tender hearted man inside of him.
When we were first married I would tear into Junior without much thought. It was what I needed to do to survive
life up till that point. Junior was able to step back and let God work with me.
Through the years I find myself going to God first when something is upsetting me. I tend to approach Junior much
more tenderly these days. I think Junior knew I needed to learn how to become soft. As he kept taking me to God
he found ways to open my heart and these days we rarely have words.
Most of the time I tell him that he needs to "stop" and he will. He tells me what he wants and I tend to try to
accomadate his needs. Junior has been renovating this home for 3 1/2 years now. I sense that some days he is ready
to call it an end. He is tired and understandbly so. I am realizing that I need to ask less of him as well so that
he can finish out the work that needs to be done which is still a few years away.
To say that we never fight would be so wrong. We don't fight often and I like that when we have a struggle we tend
to bring it to the other one. We don't try to hurt them with our anger. We understand that the toes were trampled
not on purpose and the other one was not aware of it so we bring it to the other's attention. At that point we tend
to open our eyes to the need and we stop doing what was offensive.
I find it so very important to keep praying. These days Junior and I aren't praying together as we once did. We both tend to
pray through out the day and a big prayer is for our marriage. I came to Junior in tenderness. He heard my frusturation
and is willing to stop. It works so much nicer than all the drama of yesteryear.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Thursday, December 19, 2013
December 19 2013
December 19 2013
Greetings My Friend,
I have made a concious decison in life not to notice things. I truly don't
try to notice skin color. I want more than anything to see the "heart" of
a person and not base decisions on the color of the skin. Martin Luther King Jr
taught me this one. He taught that a man should not be judged by the color
of his skin but should be judged by his character. I generally can't
tell if someone is homosexual. I don't want to know. I want to meet these
people at the heart level. Out here people add to the truth. It is what they
do and they don't think it is wrong. I choose to not decide until I need to.
Junior does help me I must say because at times I am too trusting. It isn't
that I am stupid but I am working hard at meeting people at the heart level. I
attempt Agapae love with everyone and sometimes it means turning a blind eye
to the things I see that aren't perfect.
I am thankful that God over looks my flaws. Because God will look past my flaws
and into my heart and in that I am able to grow. I am leaving things behind because I know
that God wants my best. I confess my sins because I know God will teach me how to
walk away from that sin and not beat me up over my flaw. That feels real nice if
you ask me.
Sometimes I play stupid. I don't want to enter into an argument so I fluff off the
comment rather than arguing with a person. It often is a decision. I don't do this
as much as I did at one point in my life. I do find though I will come back to this
if a situation seems threatening to me in some way.
I also don't have a need to be the "smartest" person in the room anymore. Gone are the
days where I want to be "seen" I have no desire to be better than the next person any
more because I am content in my skin.
Someone likes to be in charge that works too. I will voice my thoughts if something is
immoral or illegal other than that I truly don't mind. I have a friend who conned me
into going to a concert one time knowing I would be terrified. I was but because I chose
to try to make her happy I went. I am glad I got conned into that event because after that
I was able to find my way as I drove with more confidence.
I do have a problem if someone wants to control me. I have had enough people trying to control
me to last a few life times. I get obstinate and I won't do things just to show them they
can't control "all" of me.
I was accused of playing stupid again the other day. As I keep looking at the situation I was not
playing stupid. I made a concious deciussion. I chose to ignore something rather than to allow
myself to get worked up over something incindental.
This may appear to be stupid but it helps me not to cave into my anger over stupid life things. I
don't have a need to be angry. I've done that enough in my life. My true goal these days is to be
who God wants me to be.
I keep reading my Bible and learning how to be a woman. Sometimes I even get it right. Proverbs 31
talks about a woman. She is the most awesome of women. As I read it I can get intimated. Then I realize
it is a general account. Not all women are the same. I also notice that the woman works. She sells her
land and such. A perfect mother can work.
I think if I had it to do again I'd still like to stay home even longer than I did. I think I'd want to
work a part time job. For me that would be the easiest way. I worked full time and then as I went along
I went back to school. Our income was very low and I worked to help out.
As I accept myself as I am I find that my need to be seen as the smartest, best person is not so strong.
I like me. I like my reasoning abilities just fine. I accept that I try to walk away from potiental anger
or from those who have a need to control.
My dumb routine will not go away completely. I like me. I love God and again my goal is to listen to God so
until God tells me to quit the "dumb" routine, it is here to stay.
May God bless you and keep you make His face shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
I have made a concious decison in life not to notice things. I truly don't
try to notice skin color. I want more than anything to see the "heart" of
a person and not base decisions on the color of the skin. Martin Luther King Jr
taught me this one. He taught that a man should not be judged by the color
of his skin but should be judged by his character. I generally can't
tell if someone is homosexual. I don't want to know. I want to meet these
people at the heart level. Out here people add to the truth. It is what they
do and they don't think it is wrong. I choose to not decide until I need to.
Junior does help me I must say because at times I am too trusting. It isn't
that I am stupid but I am working hard at meeting people at the heart level. I
attempt Agapae love with everyone and sometimes it means turning a blind eye
to the things I see that aren't perfect.
I am thankful that God over looks my flaws. Because God will look past my flaws
and into my heart and in that I am able to grow. I am leaving things behind because I know
that God wants my best. I confess my sins because I know God will teach me how to
walk away from that sin and not beat me up over my flaw. That feels real nice if
you ask me.
Sometimes I play stupid. I don't want to enter into an argument so I fluff off the
comment rather than arguing with a person. It often is a decision. I don't do this
as much as I did at one point in my life. I do find though I will come back to this
if a situation seems threatening to me in some way.
I also don't have a need to be the "smartest" person in the room anymore. Gone are the
days where I want to be "seen" I have no desire to be better than the next person any
more because I am content in my skin.
Someone likes to be in charge that works too. I will voice my thoughts if something is
immoral or illegal other than that I truly don't mind. I have a friend who conned me
into going to a concert one time knowing I would be terrified. I was but because I chose
to try to make her happy I went. I am glad I got conned into that event because after that
I was able to find my way as I drove with more confidence.
I do have a problem if someone wants to control me. I have had enough people trying to control
me to last a few life times. I get obstinate and I won't do things just to show them they
can't control "all" of me.
I was accused of playing stupid again the other day. As I keep looking at the situation I was not
playing stupid. I made a concious deciussion. I chose to ignore something rather than to allow
myself to get worked up over something incindental.
This may appear to be stupid but it helps me not to cave into my anger over stupid life things. I
don't have a need to be angry. I've done that enough in my life. My true goal these days is to be
who God wants me to be.
I keep reading my Bible and learning how to be a woman. Sometimes I even get it right. Proverbs 31
talks about a woman. She is the most awesome of women. As I read it I can get intimated. Then I realize
it is a general account. Not all women are the same. I also notice that the woman works. She sells her
land and such. A perfect mother can work.
I think if I had it to do again I'd still like to stay home even longer than I did. I think I'd want to
work a part time job. For me that would be the easiest way. I worked full time and then as I went along
I went back to school. Our income was very low and I worked to help out.
As I accept myself as I am I find that my need to be seen as the smartest, best person is not so strong.
I like me. I like my reasoning abilities just fine. I accept that I try to walk away from potiental anger
or from those who have a need to control.
My dumb routine will not go away completely. I like me. I love God and again my goal is to listen to God so
until God tells me to quit the "dumb" routine, it is here to stay.
May God bless you and keep you make His face shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
December 17 2013
December 17 2013
As a young person I picked up my mother's habit of reading the newspaper to wake up. I
married Junior and the newpaper's were on strike and he wanted to support the union
workers so no newpaper to wake up with.
It was hard at first but I got to where I did not need the paper to wake up. I had a
tendency to turn on talk radio and that filled the void for me. As we moved to VA I
find it hard to get radio stations so now I wake up with the computer.
This morning my connection is slow. It could be the weather or who knows. I am irritated
that I can't wake up with my usual routine. Often times when that fails I find myself
writing in my journal or writing a blog.
As I do this I wake up and make plans for my day. It works. At this point I am working
backwards to my routine but it works and the irritation fades. Junior is getting up
latter these days. The CPAP is helping him sleep better. He too is in a wake up mode and
we both sit on our computers. He is doing small little things right now. Soon I will hear
power tools. I caught up some of the laundry last week and today he has gotten a load in
the machine already.
I drink my coffee and both the little ones are near me so contentment reigns in my heart. I
have moved passed the agitated feeling. Junior gets up from the table and I see him working
in the TV area. It feels good to watch my man work for some reason.
The dogs are sprawled around the entry way with the littlest ones in my chair with me. They are
enjoying a chew bone. Other than the dog toys and bodies all around the house still looks fairly
picked up and I fall in love with my home yet again.
In this quiet I begin to contemplate Mary, Jesus' mother. We saw the movie "The Nativity" a few
years ago and I tend to think on that from time to time. I am thinking on it again this morning.
Mary was a teen mother. She was pregnant before marriage which was not something a respectable girl
did back then. She went off to see her cousin for a few months and when she got back she was showing.
At that point I began to see how hard it was for her. As I watched the people stare in unbelief and
begin the "whisper" process I began to sense her humiliation.
Mary knows she has done nothing wrong. She still looks to be an unwed mother in the making. I feel for
Mary as she deals with the finger pointing and accusations. Even Joseph is dismayed. He decides to marry
Mary and then divorce her quietly. He does not want to hurt her out right but he is hurt that this
child is not his.
An angel comes to Joseph and tells him that Mary is pregnant with the Savior. She has done nothing wrong.
He is to marry her and stay by her side. Joseph does as he is instructed. At this point the couple both
know but other's don't so they both live with the shame.
I also think about Jerimiah. I learn he is known as the weeping prophet. He gives God's message, the people
refuse and God show's him the wrath He is about to bring on His people. Jerimiah is not real popular with
the people because Jerimiah brings doom and gloom. They want positive things.
Noah built the ark for many years. People laughed at him and told him he was nuts. God said to build the ark
and he did. Then all of a sudden the earth began to fill with water. Noah and his family was saved. The animals
were saved and everything else was filled with water.
The people were told to bow down to a gold idol. Daniel refused and only bowed down to God so he got thrown
into the lion's den. Those lions were hungry. They did not harm Daniel though. God would not let them. Daniel
kept doing what he was supposed to even though it would cause him a lot of trouble.
I also see where God gives very generously. Abraham, Issac and Jacob were all wealthy. Hannah was barren for many
years and then after a moment of petitioning prayer she became pregnant. She had promised this child to be
given to God. She did take him to the temple and left him there. Later she became pregnant a few more times.
I also think on Scripture that says something to the effect that we need to pray in God's will. I start to learn
to readjust my priorities as I continue on my faith journey. I find what once was important is not so these days.
I feel God's love and I find myself loving other's differently. I love them before I love myself these days.
Down deep I know that God will give me what I need. With that confidence I begin to adjust my desires and I find
love and peace gowing within me.
The last five years or so have been real hard. I would go in and out of depression. My health issues were numerous
like I could not sleep more than a couple hours at a time. My brain got foggier and foggier. The simplest tasks
were difficult. I could not organize or figure out how to work behind Junior. My appendix went bad. I had it removed
and then there was the fall down a hill. I had blacked out and was rolling down a hill toward a river. When I came
to and went off to the hospital I had a broken verterbrae.
I found a doctor down here and she has walked with me on this journey. One by one she addressed each of my issues and
she found solutions to get me back on track. I now understand my problems and deal with the ones that can't be
fixed permantely. I have a birth defect. My brain stem is growing in my vertebrae.It causes me to stumble and lose
my balance a lot. A cane helps me but does not always protect me. I still stumble.
Through all of this I have felt God's hand on me. I knew I would not stay in the deep abiss forever and as I come out
of it I find myself joyful and energetic again. I am not the energetic woman of my past but I have an energy level
I have not seen in many years.
I have learned to work around this energy level and I find life to be full and complete. Walking close to God is the
most important goal of my life these days. God allowed these things to happen. I am grateful for them to be honest
because I have learned that God will always be near when I need Him.
I no longer feel like an un-wanted person. God wants me and finds me to be ok. I like that a ton. God also gives me
work to do and I like to work. I like being recognized for the work I do but I only need God's approval these days.
Walking with God is not a cake walk but it is a walk I don't ever want to leave. I continue to find that God created
us and He knows exactly what we need. I find a contentment in life as I strive to walk in God's ways.
Are you walking the way of the "world" or are you seeking God's way?
May God bless you and keep you.
love
Janet
As a young person I picked up my mother's habit of reading the newspaper to wake up. I
married Junior and the newpaper's were on strike and he wanted to support the union
workers so no newpaper to wake up with.
It was hard at first but I got to where I did not need the paper to wake up. I had a
tendency to turn on talk radio and that filled the void for me. As we moved to VA I
find it hard to get radio stations so now I wake up with the computer.
This morning my connection is slow. It could be the weather or who knows. I am irritated
that I can't wake up with my usual routine. Often times when that fails I find myself
writing in my journal or writing a blog.
As I do this I wake up and make plans for my day. It works. At this point I am working
backwards to my routine but it works and the irritation fades. Junior is getting up
latter these days. The CPAP is helping him sleep better. He too is in a wake up mode and
we both sit on our computers. He is doing small little things right now. Soon I will hear
power tools. I caught up some of the laundry last week and today he has gotten a load in
the machine already.
I drink my coffee and both the little ones are near me so contentment reigns in my heart. I
have moved passed the agitated feeling. Junior gets up from the table and I see him working
in the TV area. It feels good to watch my man work for some reason.
The dogs are sprawled around the entry way with the littlest ones in my chair with me. They are
enjoying a chew bone. Other than the dog toys and bodies all around the house still looks fairly
picked up and I fall in love with my home yet again.
In this quiet I begin to contemplate Mary, Jesus' mother. We saw the movie "The Nativity" a few
years ago and I tend to think on that from time to time. I am thinking on it again this morning.
Mary was a teen mother. She was pregnant before marriage which was not something a respectable girl
did back then. She went off to see her cousin for a few months and when she got back she was showing.
At that point I began to see how hard it was for her. As I watched the people stare in unbelief and
begin the "whisper" process I began to sense her humiliation.
Mary knows she has done nothing wrong. She still looks to be an unwed mother in the making. I feel for
Mary as she deals with the finger pointing and accusations. Even Joseph is dismayed. He decides to marry
Mary and then divorce her quietly. He does not want to hurt her out right but he is hurt that this
child is not his.
An angel comes to Joseph and tells him that Mary is pregnant with the Savior. She has done nothing wrong.
He is to marry her and stay by her side. Joseph does as he is instructed. At this point the couple both
know but other's don't so they both live with the shame.
I also think about Jerimiah. I learn he is known as the weeping prophet. He gives God's message, the people
refuse and God show's him the wrath He is about to bring on His people. Jerimiah is not real popular with
the people because Jerimiah brings doom and gloom. They want positive things.
Noah built the ark for many years. People laughed at him and told him he was nuts. God said to build the ark
and he did. Then all of a sudden the earth began to fill with water. Noah and his family was saved. The animals
were saved and everything else was filled with water.
The people were told to bow down to a gold idol. Daniel refused and only bowed down to God so he got thrown
into the lion's den. Those lions were hungry. They did not harm Daniel though. God would not let them. Daniel
kept doing what he was supposed to even though it would cause him a lot of trouble.
I also see where God gives very generously. Abraham, Issac and Jacob were all wealthy. Hannah was barren for many
years and then after a moment of petitioning prayer she became pregnant. She had promised this child to be
given to God. She did take him to the temple and left him there. Later she became pregnant a few more times.
I also think on Scripture that says something to the effect that we need to pray in God's will. I start to learn
to readjust my priorities as I continue on my faith journey. I find what once was important is not so these days.
I feel God's love and I find myself loving other's differently. I love them before I love myself these days.
Down deep I know that God will give me what I need. With that confidence I begin to adjust my desires and I find
love and peace gowing within me.
The last five years or so have been real hard. I would go in and out of depression. My health issues were numerous
like I could not sleep more than a couple hours at a time. My brain got foggier and foggier. The simplest tasks
were difficult. I could not organize or figure out how to work behind Junior. My appendix went bad. I had it removed
and then there was the fall down a hill. I had blacked out and was rolling down a hill toward a river. When I came
to and went off to the hospital I had a broken verterbrae.
I found a doctor down here and she has walked with me on this journey. One by one she addressed each of my issues and
she found solutions to get me back on track. I now understand my problems and deal with the ones that can't be
fixed permantely. I have a birth defect. My brain stem is growing in my vertebrae.It causes me to stumble and lose
my balance a lot. A cane helps me but does not always protect me. I still stumble.
Through all of this I have felt God's hand on me. I knew I would not stay in the deep abiss forever and as I come out
of it I find myself joyful and energetic again. I am not the energetic woman of my past but I have an energy level
I have not seen in many years.
I have learned to work around this energy level and I find life to be full and complete. Walking close to God is the
most important goal of my life these days. God allowed these things to happen. I am grateful for them to be honest
because I have learned that God will always be near when I need Him.
I no longer feel like an un-wanted person. God wants me and finds me to be ok. I like that a ton. God also gives me
work to do and I like to work. I like being recognized for the work I do but I only need God's approval these days.
Walking with God is not a cake walk but it is a walk I don't ever want to leave. I continue to find that God created
us and He knows exactly what we need. I find a contentment in life as I strive to walk in God's ways.
Are you walking the way of the "world" or are you seeking God's way?
May God bless you and keep you.
love
Janet
Saturday, December 14, 2013
December 14 2013
December 14 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Winter weather has returned. We had some very nice spring/fall days the last week or
so and now it is winter with snow and cold. I learn to rejoice when the going is good
and hunker down and wait when the going is not so good.
Junior has been side tracked on the kitchen renovation. He has gone to Kingsport twice
this week and to Grundy another day which is a good hour or so from us. With his old
protehis on while he waited for the newer one to be fixed his back his hurting even
more so and that means when he is home he is sitting more.
At present I am walking around things. There is no straight way to anything I want to do
in the kitchen. At one point this would have messed me up bad. With organization else
where in the house I am coping with the dissarry.
I am still using a toaster oven, hot plate, microwave and crock pot. It is not horrible
but sometimes I dream of having a kitchen with all the appliances in and organized so
I can move about and make things easier.
My fur children are near me as I write and a quite peace settles deep inside of me. Life
continues to move along in a rythmic fashion and it feels rather nice. I find myself thanking
God yet again. It is awesome to learn to be thankful in all things.
My struggle with God is fairly much gone. I've asked Him what I needed and received my answer. I
have worked through my doubt and questioning time with God and am thankful that God opened my eyes
so that I understand why He must be the center of all things.
When I first learned that I needed to ask God to forgive me of my sins I found myslef waffling on that
account. I felt beat up enough by life without listing each and every flaw I had. God kept telling me
to list my sins. I held back and finally I gave in and started listing my sins.
One by one I found myself walking away from some very nasty habits. One by one I found my thought life
becoming filled with love, joy and peace. I found that God wasn't wanting to hit me over the head with
my "wrongs" but He wanted me to have a freedom from the things that plagued me.
Through the years I have found moments of hard work. My kids seem distant in many ways. That one hurt but
as I kept taking it to the Lord I found ways to relate to them and I found God was all I truly needed. As
they re-enter my life with less anger I find joy. I learn that life in general is a process. My faith journey
is a process and when I can let the process take place I find myself growing in the Lord.
As I have struggled with God about Him being the center of all things I have felt God's hand of gentleness on
me. He let me ask my questions. He kept saying "just do it." Finally I caved in and "just did it." As I learned
to give my whole being to God more than ever I am finding joy in life where hurt was residing before.
As I look back on the last several years and order once more is part of my life I realize I have been learning
some valuable lessons. I have learned to lean on God a whole bunch, even when it makes no sense. In letting go
of the need to control my life I am finding an ability to "go with the flow".
I also know that every issue in my life has not been worked out so I will have more things to learn, at times it
will be hard but in the end I will be glad I listened to God.These past few years of working through health issues
one by one has taught me to be a whole lot more patient. I have learned to stay home instead of running at the drop
of a hat.
At one point in my life the running worked. I got tired of fighting in my former marriage so I got over involved with
church, college classes and the like. Each time I was away was one less fight. These days Junior and I are very
comfortable with each other and I don't have to run away to have peace. I learn to enjoy time at home. I learn to
slow down.
In the quiet I am "hearing" God more and my life direction continues to move in different directions. I find a
satisfaction of "me." I like this new feeling. As people left my life I learned to trust God and in that
process I found God to be all that I need. As I learned this I also found other people entering my life and
it is like icing on the cake.
My prayer format is what keeps me focused on God. A- is for accolades. The more I learn to praise God for all
things the more contentment I have. C- confession teaches me to acknowldge those areas that are not right and
I learn to ask for help in over coming those areas. God is faithful and helps me move past these things. T-
thankfullness. I begin to see how much I truly have and I truly don't stay focused on what is missing in my life.
S-supplication, I learn to ask for others. I learn to be concerned about others and not myself. I like this
too. S-service I learn to ask God where He wants me to be and to be content in where God wants me to be.
This format helps me in my faith journey. The cross opens my eyes to the gift we have been given. So each day
I try to read my Bible, pray and focus my whole being on God.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Winter weather has returned. We had some very nice spring/fall days the last week or
so and now it is winter with snow and cold. I learn to rejoice when the going is good
and hunker down and wait when the going is not so good.
Junior has been side tracked on the kitchen renovation. He has gone to Kingsport twice
this week and to Grundy another day which is a good hour or so from us. With his old
protehis on while he waited for the newer one to be fixed his back his hurting even
more so and that means when he is home he is sitting more.
At present I am walking around things. There is no straight way to anything I want to do
in the kitchen. At one point this would have messed me up bad. With organization else
where in the house I am coping with the dissarry.
I am still using a toaster oven, hot plate, microwave and crock pot. It is not horrible
but sometimes I dream of having a kitchen with all the appliances in and organized so
I can move about and make things easier.
My fur children are near me as I write and a quite peace settles deep inside of me. Life
continues to move along in a rythmic fashion and it feels rather nice. I find myself thanking
God yet again. It is awesome to learn to be thankful in all things.
My struggle with God is fairly much gone. I've asked Him what I needed and received my answer. I
have worked through my doubt and questioning time with God and am thankful that God opened my eyes
so that I understand why He must be the center of all things.
When I first learned that I needed to ask God to forgive me of my sins I found myslef waffling on that
account. I felt beat up enough by life without listing each and every flaw I had. God kept telling me
to list my sins. I held back and finally I gave in and started listing my sins.
One by one I found myself walking away from some very nasty habits. One by one I found my thought life
becoming filled with love, joy and peace. I found that God wasn't wanting to hit me over the head with
my "wrongs" but He wanted me to have a freedom from the things that plagued me.
Through the years I have found moments of hard work. My kids seem distant in many ways. That one hurt but
as I kept taking it to the Lord I found ways to relate to them and I found God was all I truly needed. As
they re-enter my life with less anger I find joy. I learn that life in general is a process. My faith journey
is a process and when I can let the process take place I find myself growing in the Lord.
As I have struggled with God about Him being the center of all things I have felt God's hand of gentleness on
me. He let me ask my questions. He kept saying "just do it." Finally I caved in and "just did it." As I learned
to give my whole being to God more than ever I am finding joy in life where hurt was residing before.
As I look back on the last several years and order once more is part of my life I realize I have been learning
some valuable lessons. I have learned to lean on God a whole bunch, even when it makes no sense. In letting go
of the need to control my life I am finding an ability to "go with the flow".
I also know that every issue in my life has not been worked out so I will have more things to learn, at times it
will be hard but in the end I will be glad I listened to God.These past few years of working through health issues
one by one has taught me to be a whole lot more patient. I have learned to stay home instead of running at the drop
of a hat.
At one point in my life the running worked. I got tired of fighting in my former marriage so I got over involved with
church, college classes and the like. Each time I was away was one less fight. These days Junior and I are very
comfortable with each other and I don't have to run away to have peace. I learn to enjoy time at home. I learn to
slow down.
In the quiet I am "hearing" God more and my life direction continues to move in different directions. I find a
satisfaction of "me." I like this new feeling. As people left my life I learned to trust God and in that
process I found God to be all that I need. As I learned this I also found other people entering my life and
it is like icing on the cake.
My prayer format is what keeps me focused on God. A- is for accolades. The more I learn to praise God for all
things the more contentment I have. C- confession teaches me to acknowldge those areas that are not right and
I learn to ask for help in over coming those areas. God is faithful and helps me move past these things. T-
thankfullness. I begin to see how much I truly have and I truly don't stay focused on what is missing in my life.
S-supplication, I learn to ask for others. I learn to be concerned about others and not myself. I like this
too. S-service I learn to ask God where He wants me to be and to be content in where God wants me to be.
This format helps me in my faith journey. The cross opens my eyes to the gift we have been given. So each day
I try to read my Bible, pray and focus my whole being on God.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you
Janet
Thursday, December 12, 2013
December 12 2013
December 12 2013
Greetings My Friend,
I finally asked God. I knew somewhere deep inside of me that this ministry needed to come
to an end even though I did not want it to. I kept doing it even though I had not taken
it to prayer. I wanted fellowship with other women and this was one way I could reach out
to other women in my community. I loved our chats and I felt like the little we did was
helpful in the overall running of the church.
One lady moved away for a period of time. The ladies decided to come a little earlier on
Friday mornings. That began a hard journey of making it to chuch for me. Two of us lived
outside of town so it was a little bit of a drive. They decided to meet earlier and for
me it was hard. By the end of the week I am running out of steam. Friday's became harder
and harder for me to be up and out the door.
If the work was done by the time I could get there I visited with the church secretary for
a bit. I love our chats. She often had her daughter with her and her toddler daughter often
found my cane to be a fun toy to play with. We laughed at her trying to carry that cane about.
I loved visiting with her but my writing started taking more of my time and now that I am doing
more housework I found that this time could be used for other purposes. Somewhere deep inside of
me I knew it was time to ask God and to live by His direction. Up to this point I refused to ask.
I did not want a "no" so I continued on with what I was doing.
I knew somewhere inside of me that this endeavor needed to come to an end. I flat out did not want
it to come to an end though. Then the day came and I asked and God said "no." The strange thing is
I was ready for that "no."
I began to see all the work I could tackle and it excited me even more so. Again I knew that God
knows best. My new goal of "your will, Lord" took over in my thought life and my desires. Today is
the first Friday I have not gone in on purpose. Many Friday's I have overslept and could not get up
and moving. This morning when I woke up late I started my morning routine.
I also will be home to listen to my cousin's radio ministry she is involved with. That excites me to
no end as well. I again learn that staying home more is not a huge chore. I tend to love it overall
and the days at home are not as scary as they once were.
I have added another 5 minutes to the excercise machine and that feels good. I feel more of my health
coming back as I focus on writing, on house work, excercing and cooking. I still have moments of
"I can't" and on those days I sit it out knowing that soon I will be more active again.
I come back to the thought "Your will Lord." As I learn to give God "all" of me I find life to be
very sweet. I accept my limitations and then I move on. I don't bemoan the fact that at one time
I could do this or that and now I can't.
I also find comfort in knowing God wants my best. I marvel when God tends to know me more than I
know myself. I have known for a while that the volunteer on Friday time needed to end but I did
not want to end it. God has been patient with me and then came the day I asked and was told "no."
I also knew God was right. I felt comfort in God's "all knowing" power.
I am a bit miffed at my resistance. I knew the time was coming but I chose not to "hear" God. I felt
by not asking Him I was ok. Then I realized that this truly needed to end. It is a 20 minute drive
for me to get to town. It is another 20 minutes back. To get to the church and the work is already
done does not make any sense. Even though I enjoyed visiting with the office secretary for a few
minutes I also realized she needs to work.
Again I think "God wants my best" so why do I get into these struggles. God knows me better than I
know myself and each time I give in and do what God tells me to do I am always much happier. The last
thing I want to do is to be stubborn. I am though.
This morning I find myself praising God again. I once more marvel at His all knowing power. I have another
journey with the Lord to fill in my memory bank. I will find in the future I will give in quicker and
more readily. I will know that I know that God wants only my best and I won't want to argue the point.
I will keep this moment in my "rememberance" thoughts. I will go over it and reflect on it often. When the
next struggle comes I will do what God says sooner because of this journey.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
I finally asked God. I knew somewhere deep inside of me that this ministry needed to come
to an end even though I did not want it to. I kept doing it even though I had not taken
it to prayer. I wanted fellowship with other women and this was one way I could reach out
to other women in my community. I loved our chats and I felt like the little we did was
helpful in the overall running of the church.
One lady moved away for a period of time. The ladies decided to come a little earlier on
Friday mornings. That began a hard journey of making it to chuch for me. Two of us lived
outside of town so it was a little bit of a drive. They decided to meet earlier and for
me it was hard. By the end of the week I am running out of steam. Friday's became harder
and harder for me to be up and out the door.
If the work was done by the time I could get there I visited with the church secretary for
a bit. I love our chats. She often had her daughter with her and her toddler daughter often
found my cane to be a fun toy to play with. We laughed at her trying to carry that cane about.
I loved visiting with her but my writing started taking more of my time and now that I am doing
more housework I found that this time could be used for other purposes. Somewhere deep inside of
me I knew it was time to ask God and to live by His direction. Up to this point I refused to ask.
I did not want a "no" so I continued on with what I was doing.
I knew somewhere inside of me that this endeavor needed to come to an end. I flat out did not want
it to come to an end though. Then the day came and I asked and God said "no." The strange thing is
I was ready for that "no."
I began to see all the work I could tackle and it excited me even more so. Again I knew that God
knows best. My new goal of "your will, Lord" took over in my thought life and my desires. Today is
the first Friday I have not gone in on purpose. Many Friday's I have overslept and could not get up
and moving. This morning when I woke up late I started my morning routine.
I also will be home to listen to my cousin's radio ministry she is involved with. That excites me to
no end as well. I again learn that staying home more is not a huge chore. I tend to love it overall
and the days at home are not as scary as they once were.
I have added another 5 minutes to the excercise machine and that feels good. I feel more of my health
coming back as I focus on writing, on house work, excercing and cooking. I still have moments of
"I can't" and on those days I sit it out knowing that soon I will be more active again.
I come back to the thought "Your will Lord." As I learn to give God "all" of me I find life to be
very sweet. I accept my limitations and then I move on. I don't bemoan the fact that at one time
I could do this or that and now I can't.
I also find comfort in knowing God wants my best. I marvel when God tends to know me more than I
know myself. I have known for a while that the volunteer on Friday time needed to end but I did
not want to end it. God has been patient with me and then came the day I asked and was told "no."
I also knew God was right. I felt comfort in God's "all knowing" power.
I am a bit miffed at my resistance. I knew the time was coming but I chose not to "hear" God. I felt
by not asking Him I was ok. Then I realized that this truly needed to end. It is a 20 minute drive
for me to get to town. It is another 20 minutes back. To get to the church and the work is already
done does not make any sense. Even though I enjoyed visiting with the office secretary for a few
minutes I also realized she needs to work.
Again I think "God wants my best" so why do I get into these struggles. God knows me better than I
know myself and each time I give in and do what God tells me to do I am always much happier. The last
thing I want to do is to be stubborn. I am though.
This morning I find myself praising God again. I once more marvel at His all knowing power. I have another
journey with the Lord to fill in my memory bank. I will find in the future I will give in quicker and
more readily. I will know that I know that God wants only my best and I won't want to argue the point.
I will keep this moment in my "rememberance" thoughts. I will go over it and reflect on it often. When the
next struggle comes I will do what God says sooner because of this journey.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
December 10 2013
December 10 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Because someone took the time..... It is a thought I am toying with today.
Because I found a few counselors through the years I learned ways to control
my anger. Because my Mohter-in-law came beside me I learned how to be a wife.
Because a friend held me in grief I learned tenderness.
It often is those moments that mean little or nothing to us but often mean
a huge difference to someone who is hurting and we don't even know the depth
of their hurt. Sometimes years later we may learn that moment of reaching out
and its impact.
I felt that a lot through the years. I wanted desperately to walk away from all
the junk that kept happening in my life. Until I was in my 40's I never knew that
men had tender sides.
I did not learn how to keep house as a child. I was expected to know how even
though our home was a hoarder's paradise. As I became a young woman I met a
few women who began to teach me how to pick up frequently and at that point I
began learning how to clean my home.
When I think about joy I often find it is those little
moments that I reached out
and took a chance. As I helped on mission trips to make someone's life a bit easier
I often found those people reaching back touching me and making a difference in my
own life.
The older I get the less I find material things to be of importance. I have often heard
that on our death bed we will not be focused on all of our achievements in life but on
those that touched our lives. I think this is very true.
The more I learn to love God the more I find my focus in life is changing. I am no longer
searching for approval from man. I no longer care if I have an important job, a fine home
or a fancy car. As I feel God's love I find that I am learning to love differently and my
life's desires are so different.
The Greek's had many words for love. I only remember a couple. There is eros love which is
sexual love. Philos love is friendship love. The one I hold onto is Agape love. It is seeking
another's highest good. I feel this love from God often. I sense God wants my best and will
keep pointing me in the direction that is best for me. I learn to go the way I am shown and
at that point I am giving God the glory.
I find myself requesting things from God often. These days I follow up with "Your will Lord." I
mean it as well. Sometimes God takes me down another path that makes no sense at the time. I am
learning to "just do it." When I can I often find that this new path is much better and more
rewarding than the direction I was headed on.
I often thought that a faith journey was a cake walk in the making. It is not. Many times I am
taken down a path that is long and difficult. Depression, deep depression for many years has
plagued me. My health kept falling apart. We were told to move when my health was not capable
of being a help mate to Junior. I found that I could not sleep more than a couple hours at a
time and I spent most of the day trying to get in 8 hrs. of sleep.
My brain was fogging out and making the simplest decisions became a chore. I have been stumbling
for many years now. I thought that it was because I had put on weight for the first time in my
life. Nope I rolled down a hill. I broke a verterbrae and had to have an MRI. On that MRI my
docotor discovered I have a birth defect. My brain stem is growning inside of my vertebrae which
is causing my balance issues.
My doctor had me do a sleep test and I have a devated septum which is causing me to not breathe
well so I can't sleep. Cancer I had that 9 years ago. Since then I find that I have no energy at
all. In that mix I have had my gall bladder out and my appendix out. So I went down way down. Now
I am on the other side of many of these struggles.
Some will be with me for the rest of my life. I have discoverd B vitamins and I am gaining more
energy. I also have set backs. We ran to Kingsport this week. Two days later I am still struggling
to have a measure of the energy I have on a normal day. I could not get up to run to the Chiropractor
this morning.
Through each of these struggles I have felt God's hand on me. At times a problem was revealed to my
doctor who then put me on a path. As I kept fearing my ex and I prayed and could not let it go I asked
God if I needed to be on an anti depressant. I kept praying but my thoughts kept taking over. I felt
God say it was time to take medication and these days I can go days without fear.
One by one I have walked through this journey. One by one I have learned and grown. God has held me tenderly
when I needed it. He has pushed me at other times. The constant in this mix is God. I find myself
turning over each and every thought and action to God.
These days I am so full of "thank you's." I know where I was. I know where I am now and it amazes me to no
end. At times Junior thought I was being lazy. He told me so often. God has opened his eyes to my struggle
and I don't hear about my laziness these days.
I am excercising more. I love that. I am cleaning house again and frankly I love that as well. I am cooking
more frequently and I like that too. My joy is the little things, like cleaning our home, cooking a meal or
loving my fur family and my husband.
As I have set backs these days I find myself accepting them. I no longer fear that there won't be an end to
all the down time. I know that if I rest and start over that soon I will be enjoying each day again. God keeps
reminding me that I matter. That feels so precious.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Because someone took the time..... It is a thought I am toying with today.
Because I found a few counselors through the years I learned ways to control
my anger. Because my Mohter-in-law came beside me I learned how to be a wife.
Because a friend held me in grief I learned tenderness.
It often is those moments that mean little or nothing to us but often mean
a huge difference to someone who is hurting and we don't even know the depth
of their hurt. Sometimes years later we may learn that moment of reaching out
and its impact.
I felt that a lot through the years. I wanted desperately to walk away from all
the junk that kept happening in my life. Until I was in my 40's I never knew that
men had tender sides.
I did not learn how to keep house as a child. I was expected to know how even
though our home was a hoarder's paradise. As I became a young woman I met a
few women who began to teach me how to pick up frequently and at that point I
began learning how to clean my home.
When I think about joy I often find it is those little
moments that I reached out
and took a chance. As I helped on mission trips to make someone's life a bit easier
I often found those people reaching back touching me and making a difference in my
own life.
The older I get the less I find material things to be of importance. I have often heard
that on our death bed we will not be focused on all of our achievements in life but on
those that touched our lives. I think this is very true.
The more I learn to love God the more I find my focus in life is changing. I am no longer
searching for approval from man. I no longer care if I have an important job, a fine home
or a fancy car. As I feel God's love I find that I am learning to love differently and my
life's desires are so different.
The Greek's had many words for love. I only remember a couple. There is eros love which is
sexual love. Philos love is friendship love. The one I hold onto is Agape love. It is seeking
another's highest good. I feel this love from God often. I sense God wants my best and will
keep pointing me in the direction that is best for me. I learn to go the way I am shown and
at that point I am giving God the glory.
I find myself requesting things from God often. These days I follow up with "Your will Lord." I
mean it as well. Sometimes God takes me down another path that makes no sense at the time. I am
learning to "just do it." When I can I often find that this new path is much better and more
rewarding than the direction I was headed on.
I often thought that a faith journey was a cake walk in the making. It is not. Many times I am
taken down a path that is long and difficult. Depression, deep depression for many years has
plagued me. My health kept falling apart. We were told to move when my health was not capable
of being a help mate to Junior. I found that I could not sleep more than a couple hours at a
time and I spent most of the day trying to get in 8 hrs. of sleep.
My brain was fogging out and making the simplest decisions became a chore. I have been stumbling
for many years now. I thought that it was because I had put on weight for the first time in my
life. Nope I rolled down a hill. I broke a verterbrae and had to have an MRI. On that MRI my
docotor discovered I have a birth defect. My brain stem is growning inside of my vertebrae which
is causing my balance issues.
My doctor had me do a sleep test and I have a devated septum which is causing me to not breathe
well so I can't sleep. Cancer I had that 9 years ago. Since then I find that I have no energy at
all. In that mix I have had my gall bladder out and my appendix out. So I went down way down. Now
I am on the other side of many of these struggles.
Some will be with me for the rest of my life. I have discoverd B vitamins and I am gaining more
energy. I also have set backs. We ran to Kingsport this week. Two days later I am still struggling
to have a measure of the energy I have on a normal day. I could not get up to run to the Chiropractor
this morning.
Through each of these struggles I have felt God's hand on me. At times a problem was revealed to my
doctor who then put me on a path. As I kept fearing my ex and I prayed and could not let it go I asked
God if I needed to be on an anti depressant. I kept praying but my thoughts kept taking over. I felt
God say it was time to take medication and these days I can go days without fear.
One by one I have walked through this journey. One by one I have learned and grown. God has held me tenderly
when I needed it. He has pushed me at other times. The constant in this mix is God. I find myself
turning over each and every thought and action to God.
These days I am so full of "thank you's." I know where I was. I know where I am now and it amazes me to no
end. At times Junior thought I was being lazy. He told me so often. God has opened his eyes to my struggle
and I don't hear about my laziness these days.
I am excercising more. I love that. I am cleaning house again and frankly I love that as well. I am cooking
more frequently and I like that too. My joy is the little things, like cleaning our home, cooking a meal or
loving my fur family and my husband.
As I have set backs these days I find myself accepting them. I no longer fear that there won't be an end to
all the down time. I know that if I rest and start over that soon I will be enjoying each day again. God keeps
reminding me that I matter. That feels so precious.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Saturday, December 7, 2013
December 7 2013
December 7 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Junior's foot fell off of his prosthesis so we made a trip to Johnson City Tn
yesterday. It is 3 hrs there and 3 back and of course we were wasted when we
got home.
When I am that wasted I can't move or even stay awake. I have learned to let it
take its course and in a day or so I am back to square one again. I fell asleep
in my chair a few times last night and then at bedtime I was not sleepy. I was
up until 1:00 and then I slept till 10:00. It is what it is.
I got up in time to hear Junior talking on the phone. His foot has been fixed and
this leg feels better on him than the old leg so he wants to make the run again
today. Even the thought of another day of running wears on me. J should be coming
by today so he will ride with Junior and help with the driving. That makes me very
happy.
Junior amazes me. His back is a mess. His pain level is daily on the high side and
he tends to work past it. He does need a daily nap or two and we've worked with that
through the years. At this point 3 years into our living in this house Junior along
with J has renovated over half the house. He amazes me.
Junior tends to stop when he is extreme pain. I get anxious because the renovating
takes a long time but I am also so proud of what he does that I don't fuss at him
about the slow pace he tends to work at.
As I have more rooms done and I can once again organize I find myself moving out of my
funk. I am setting up my routines and the order I need so desperately tends to fall into
place these days. We've been in this house three years now.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't fall in love with where we are at. I marvel
at God directing us and find myself thanking and praising God frequently throughout the
day.
Even Junior was wore out when we got back yesterday. He sat in his chair next to mine a
lot. At one point he went to visit a neighbor. His wife left after 10 or more years of
marriage. He is bewildered. Junior is trying to be a friend. He mainly listens to this
man and in that hopefully this guy will find his way back to life again.
Ministry comes to mind again. Junior is coming alongside this neighbor. Junior and I are
both divorced and now on a second marriage. He knows what this guy is dealing with. Junior's
wife ran off with her best friend's husband and they lived next door. Junior remember's those
days of trying to find his way so he can minister to this man.
As Junior goes over to be a friend I find us in another ministry and marvel again that it isn't
only in church settings that ministry takes place. We aren't looking at this as a "job" as well.
We want to be a friend to someone who is hurting. If it is also a ministry well and good.
The new lesson I am starting to pick up on is to be willing to reach out as a need arises. The need
often goes deep inside of you. My heart tends to break when I hear of the "Sex trade" industry. I
feel for those people caught in the middle of it all.
Lately I find myself praying for these people. At first I thought if I made any money off of my book
that I would donate to them and to the abuse shelters in the area. I made a little bit and then the
money has not flowed.
This may not be where God wants me at least right now so I wait and try to discern where I am needed
at this moment. I do find though that I tend to have a tender heart in regards to the abuse these
people are struggling with. Somewhere or sometime God will direct my energy in this ministry. On
occassion we send some money. As far as helping in a one on one way I am not able to for many
reasons. My lack of energy and at times I "feel" too much to be of any good. So again I wait and
see.
As I realize the ministry area's I am in I find a comfort level as well. My silliness is a ministry
area. My folding bulletins on Friday's is ministry and I go through my list of ministry moments
again.
I also remember that Jesus did not heal every sick person. When I realize this I begin to see that God
tends to place on my heart where I need to be. The more I listen to God the calmer I feel inside. God
does not need me to be front and center all the time. Sometimes the best work is done in the quiet
times of life. Like Junior stopping by for a short visit with our neighbor.
I am willing to be "bold" for Christ but "bold" is not always an in your face situation. It is being a
friend to an undesirable person. B has been an outcast her whole life and my being her friend at this
point is what she needs. She does have her strange ways but for me I find them to be fine.
In the process of being her friend I find that she often ministers to me. I found that on a lot of the
mission trips as well. We went to help and so often those that we were helping reached right back and
touched an area of my life as well.
I also overcame a lot of prejudice about people. One time we helped AIDS victims. I must admit that scared
me at first but as the week progressed I found a tender heart towards their struggle. In the quiet moment
of accepting them we opened a door for them to respond to Jesus's call. Some did some did not. The thing
is that an opportunity was presented.
My head tells me that it is being willing and doing a small little thing we introduce Jesus. I also find
that God will do the rest and if they come to Him that is good. I was there and did that little tiny
seed planting that was needed.
"Go forth and make disciples of all nations" that pops into my head a lot. I feel God wants me to go out
and live my faith. Sometimes I am able to live it as I go on a mission trip, volunteer etc. Sometimes I
live my faith in the way I treat my husband and my family. The need to be "seen" tends to take a back
seat and I find that I truly like the "seed planing" more than the need to be seen by man.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Junior's foot fell off of his prosthesis so we made a trip to Johnson City Tn
yesterday. It is 3 hrs there and 3 back and of course we were wasted when we
got home.
When I am that wasted I can't move or even stay awake. I have learned to let it
take its course and in a day or so I am back to square one again. I fell asleep
in my chair a few times last night and then at bedtime I was not sleepy. I was
up until 1:00 and then I slept till 10:00. It is what it is.
I got up in time to hear Junior talking on the phone. His foot has been fixed and
this leg feels better on him than the old leg so he wants to make the run again
today. Even the thought of another day of running wears on me. J should be coming
by today so he will ride with Junior and help with the driving. That makes me very
happy.
Junior amazes me. His back is a mess. His pain level is daily on the high side and
he tends to work past it. He does need a daily nap or two and we've worked with that
through the years. At this point 3 years into our living in this house Junior along
with J has renovated over half the house. He amazes me.
Junior tends to stop when he is extreme pain. I get anxious because the renovating
takes a long time but I am also so proud of what he does that I don't fuss at him
about the slow pace he tends to work at.
As I have more rooms done and I can once again organize I find myself moving out of my
funk. I am setting up my routines and the order I need so desperately tends to fall into
place these days. We've been in this house three years now.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't fall in love with where we are at. I marvel
at God directing us and find myself thanking and praising God frequently throughout the
day.
Even Junior was wore out when we got back yesterday. He sat in his chair next to mine a
lot. At one point he went to visit a neighbor. His wife left after 10 or more years of
marriage. He is bewildered. Junior is trying to be a friend. He mainly listens to this
man and in that hopefully this guy will find his way back to life again.
Ministry comes to mind again. Junior is coming alongside this neighbor. Junior and I are
both divorced and now on a second marriage. He knows what this guy is dealing with. Junior's
wife ran off with her best friend's husband and they lived next door. Junior remember's those
days of trying to find his way so he can minister to this man.
As Junior goes over to be a friend I find us in another ministry and marvel again that it isn't
only in church settings that ministry takes place. We aren't looking at this as a "job" as well.
We want to be a friend to someone who is hurting. If it is also a ministry well and good.
The new lesson I am starting to pick up on is to be willing to reach out as a need arises. The need
often goes deep inside of you. My heart tends to break when I hear of the "Sex trade" industry. I
feel for those people caught in the middle of it all.
Lately I find myself praying for these people. At first I thought if I made any money off of my book
that I would donate to them and to the abuse shelters in the area. I made a little bit and then the
money has not flowed.
This may not be where God wants me at least right now so I wait and try to discern where I am needed
at this moment. I do find though that I tend to have a tender heart in regards to the abuse these
people are struggling with. Somewhere or sometime God will direct my energy in this ministry. On
occassion we send some money. As far as helping in a one on one way I am not able to for many
reasons. My lack of energy and at times I "feel" too much to be of any good. So again I wait and
see.
As I realize the ministry area's I am in I find a comfort level as well. My silliness is a ministry
area. My folding bulletins on Friday's is ministry and I go through my list of ministry moments
again.
I also remember that Jesus did not heal every sick person. When I realize this I begin to see that God
tends to place on my heart where I need to be. The more I listen to God the calmer I feel inside. God
does not need me to be front and center all the time. Sometimes the best work is done in the quiet
times of life. Like Junior stopping by for a short visit with our neighbor.
I am willing to be "bold" for Christ but "bold" is not always an in your face situation. It is being a
friend to an undesirable person. B has been an outcast her whole life and my being her friend at this
point is what she needs. She does have her strange ways but for me I find them to be fine.
In the process of being her friend I find that she often ministers to me. I found that on a lot of the
mission trips as well. We went to help and so often those that we were helping reached right back and
touched an area of my life as well.
I also overcame a lot of prejudice about people. One time we helped AIDS victims. I must admit that scared
me at first but as the week progressed I found a tender heart towards their struggle. In the quiet moment
of accepting them we opened a door for them to respond to Jesus's call. Some did some did not. The thing
is that an opportunity was presented.
My head tells me that it is being willing and doing a small little thing we introduce Jesus. I also find
that God will do the rest and if they come to Him that is good. I was there and did that little tiny
seed planting that was needed.
"Go forth and make disciples of all nations" that pops into my head a lot. I feel God wants me to go out
and live my faith. Sometimes I am able to live it as I go on a mission trip, volunteer etc. Sometimes I
live my faith in the way I treat my husband and my family. The need to be "seen" tends to take a back
seat and I find that I truly like the "seed planing" more than the need to be seen by man.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
December 7 2013
December 7 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Junior's foot fell off of his prosthesis so we made a trip to Johnson City Tn
yesterday. It is 3 hrs there and 3 back and of course we were wasted when we
got home.
When I am that wasted I can't move or even stay awake. I have learned to let it
take its course and in a day or so I am back to square one again. I fell asleep
in my chair a few times last night and then at bedtime I was not sleepy. I was
up until 1:00 and then I slept till 10:00. It is what it is.
I got up in time to hear Junior talking on the phone. His foot has been fixed and
this leg feels better on him than the old leg so he wants to make the run again
today. Even the thought of another day of running wears on me. J should be coming
by today so he will ride with Junior and help with the driving. That makes me very
happy.
Junior amazes me. His back is a mess. His pain level is daily on the high side and
he tends to work past it. He does need a daily nap or two and we've worked with that
through the years. At this point 3 years into our living in this house Junior along
with J has renovated over half the house. He amazes me.
Junior tends to stop when he is extreme pain. I get anxious because the renovating
takes a long time but I am also so proud of what he does that I don't fuss at him
about the slow pace he tends to work at.
As I have more rooms done and I can once again organize I find myself moving out of my
funk. I am setting up my routines and the order I need so desperately tends to fall into
place these days. We've been in this house three years now.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't fall in love with where we are at. I marvel
at God directing us and find myself thanking and praising God frequently throughout the
day.
Even Junior was wore out when we got back yesterday. He sat in his chair next to mine a
lot. At one point he went to visit a neighbor. His wife left after 10 or more years of
marriage. He is bewildered. Junior is trying to be a friend. He mainly listens to this
man and in that hopefully this guy will find his way back to life again.
Ministry comes to mind again. Junior is coming alongside this neighbor. Junior and I are
both divorced and now on a second marriage. He knows what this guy is dealing with. Junior's
wife ran off with her best friend's husband and they lived next door. Junior remember's those
days of trying to find his way so he can minister to this man.
As Junior goes over to be a friend I find us in another ministry and marvel again that it isn't
only in church settings that ministry takes place. We aren't looking at this as a "job" as well.
We want to be a friend to someone who is hurting. If it is also a ministry well and good.
The new lesson I am starting to pick up on is to be willing to reach out as a need arises. The need
often goes deep inside of you. My heart tends to break when I hear of the "Sex trade" industry. I
feel for those people caught in the middle of it all.
Lately I find myself praying for these people. At first I thought if I made any money off of my book
that I would donate to them and to the abuse shelters in the area. I made a little bit and then the
money has not flowed.
This may not be where God wants me at least right now so I wait and try to discern where I am needed
at this moment. I do find though that I tend to have a tender heart in regards to the abuse these
people are struggling with. Somewhere or sometime God will direct my energy in this ministry. On
occassion we send some money. As far as helping in a one on one way I am not able to for many
reasons. My lack of energy and at times I "feel" too much to be of any good. So again I wait and
see.
As I realize the ministry area's I am in I find a comfort level as well. My silliness is a ministry
area. My folding bulletins on Friday's is ministry and I go through my list of ministry moments
again.
I also remember that Jesus did not heal every sick person. When I realize this I begin to see that God
tends to place on my heart where I need to be. The more I listen to God the calmer I feel inside. God
does not need me to be front and center all the time. Sometimes the best work is done in the quiet
times of life. Like Junior stopping by for a short visit with our neighbor.
I am willing to be "bold" for Christ but "bold" is not always an in your face situation. It is being a
friend to an undesirable person. B has been an outcast her whole life and my being her friend at this
point is what she needs. She does have her strange ways but for me I find them to be fine.
In the process of being her friend I find that she often ministers to me. I found that on a lot of the
mission trips as well. We went to help and so often those that we were helping reached right back and
touched an area of my life as well.
I also overcame a lot of prejudice about people. One time we helped AIDS victims. I must admit that scared
me at first but as the week progressed I found a tender heart towards their struggle. In the quiet moment
of accepting them we opened a door for them to respond to Jesus's call. Some did some did not. The thing
is that an opportunity was presented.
My head tells me that it is being willing and doing a small little thing we introduce Jesus. I also find
that God will do the rest and if they come to Him that is good. I was there and did that little tiny
seed planting that was needed.
"Go forth and make disciples of all nations" that pops into my head a lot. I feel God wants me to go out
and live my faith. Sometimes I am able to live it as I go on a mission trip, volunteer etc. Sometimes I
live my faith in the way I treat my husband and my family. The need to be "seen" tends to take a back
seat and I find that I truly like the "seed planing" more than the need to be seen by man.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Junior's foot fell off of his prosthesis so we made a trip to Johnson City Tn
yesterday. It is 3 hrs there and 3 back and of course we were wasted when we
got home.
When I am that wasted I can't move or even stay awake. I have learned to let it
take its course and in a day or so I am back to square one again. I fell asleep
in my chair a few times last night and then at bedtime I was not sleepy. I was
up until 1:00 and then I slept till 10:00. It is what it is.
I got up in time to hear Junior talking on the phone. His foot has been fixed and
this leg feels better on him than the old leg so he wants to make the run again
today. Even the thought of another day of running wears on me. J should be coming
by today so he will ride with Junior and help with the driving. That makes me very
happy.
Junior amazes me. His back is a mess. His pain level is daily on the high side and
he tends to work past it. He does need a daily nap or two and we've worked with that
through the years. At this point 3 years into our living in this house Junior along
with J has renovated over half the house. He amazes me.
Junior tends to stop when he is extreme pain. I get anxious because the renovating
takes a long time but I am also so proud of what he does that I don't fuss at him
about the slow pace he tends to work at.
As I have more rooms done and I can once again organize I find myself moving out of my
funk. I am setting up my routines and the order I need so desperately tends to fall into
place these days. We've been in this house three years now.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't fall in love with where we are at. I marvel
at God directing us and find myself thanking and praising God frequently throughout the
day.
Even Junior was wore out when we got back yesterday. He sat in his chair next to mine a
lot. At one point he went to visit a neighbor. His wife left after 10 or more years of
marriage. He is bewildered. Junior is trying to be a friend. He mainly listens to this
man and in that hopefully this guy will find his way back to life again.
Ministry comes to mind again. Junior is coming alongside this neighbor. Junior and I are
both divorced and now on a second marriage. He knows what this guy is dealing with. Junior's
wife ran off with her best friend's husband and they lived next door. Junior remember's those
days of trying to find his way so he can minister to this man.
As Junior goes over to be a friend I find us in another ministry and marvel again that it isn't
only in church settings that ministry takes place. We aren't looking at this as a "job" as well.
We want to be a friend to someone who is hurting. If it is also a ministry well and good.
The new lesson I am starting to pick up on is to be willing to reach out as a need arises. The need
often goes deep inside of you. My heart tends to break when I hear of the "Sex trade" industry. I
feel for those people caught in the middle of it all.
Lately I find myself praying for these people. At first I thought if I made any money off of my book
that I would donate to them and to the abuse shelters in the area. I made a little bit and then the
money has not flowed.
This may not be where God wants me at least right now so I wait and try to discern where I am needed
at this moment. I do find though that I tend to have a tender heart in regards to the abuse these
people are struggling with. Somewhere or sometime God will direct my energy in this ministry. On
occassion we send some money. As far as helping in a one on one way I am not able to for many
reasons. My lack of energy and at times I "feel" too much to be of any good. So again I wait and
see.
As I realize the ministry area's I am in I find a comfort level as well. My silliness is a ministry
area. My folding bulletins on Friday's is ministry and I go through my list of ministry moments
again.
I also remember that Jesus did not heal every sick person. When I realize this I begin to see that God
tends to place on my heart where I need to be. The more I listen to God the calmer I feel inside. God
does not need me to be front and center all the time. Sometimes the best work is done in the quiet
times of life. Like Junior stopping by for a short visit with our neighbor.
I am willing to be "bold" for Christ but "bold" is not always an in your face situation. It is being a
friend to an undesirable person. B has been an outcast her whole life and my being her friend at this
point is what she needs. She does have her strange ways but for me I find them to be fine.
In the process of being her friend I find that she often ministers to me. I found that on a lot of the
mission trips as well. We went to help and so often those that we were helping reached right back and
touched an area of my life as well.
I also overcame a lot of prejudice about people. One time we helped AIDS victims. I must admit that scared
me at first but as the week progressed I found a tender heart towards their struggle. In the quiet moment
of accepting them we opened a door for them to respond to Jesus's call. Some did some did not. The thing
is that an opportunity was presented.
My head tells me that it is being willing and doing a small little thing we introduce Jesus. I also find
that God will do the rest and if they come to Him that is good. I was there and did that little tiny
seed planting that was needed.
"Go forth and make disciples of all nations" that pops into my head a lot. I feel God wants me to go out
and live my faith. Sometimes I am able to live it as I go on a mission trip, volunteer etc. Sometimes I
live my faith in the way I treat my husband and my family. The need to be "seen" tends to take a back
seat and I find that I truly like the "seed planing" more than the need to be seen by man.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Thursday, December 5, 2013
December 5 2013
December 5 2013
Greetings My Friend,
My goal this winter is to focus on the things I like and not on the cold and the snow. So far
I am doing ok. I like to focus on the fire place, the smell of wood burning. I love the two new
fur babies cuddling with me in my chair as I sit and write. I love a warm blanket over me and I
love hearing the tools making a noise while Junior renovates.
Sometimes Junior is on the phone with a buddy and they chat for a while. I love listening to Junior
talking in a back and forth kind of way. Sometimes he giggles and that is precious to me. I also
love phone chats during the day for me as well.
This year I have a sunlight lamp going so I hope to not get the SAD sluggish feeling this year. I
have picked up my crocheting dish cloths again. I am surprised at how hard it is for me to do much
more than a row or two before I have to put it down. I have told myself that this is like the other
areas of my older years and I do it, put it down and then go back to it. My conentration level has
gone way down compared to my younger days. These days I am not angry, alarmed over this lack.
I also am walking on the excercise machine more. I like that a lot. I tend to walk, sit and watch
TV news and then the next commercial I do it again. I am up to 3 5 minutes of walking times so I
continue to expand on that.
For the first part of the morning I tend to wake up on FB, check out my stats in regards to my blog
and read my Bible. I will write a blog and then I get up and make lunch, sweep the floor plus another
chore or two before settling down with my lunch and the news and my excercise.
I love this routine way of life. For me it gives definitation to my day. Once or twice a week we run
around town on errands to the Chiropractor and such. I love those days as well. They break up the
routine and I get to mingle with people a bit. I like that.
Once a week I go off and help out at church. Again I like that routine feeling. Each day has its own
agenda and it falls into a rythmic pattern for my life. I do life in the rythmic patterns well. They
tend to give my day defination and purpose.
The days of confusion and fogginess are fairly much gone. I also know that the run days tend to tire
me out so I fully expect to sit more and nap more the days after the run days. It is what I need to do
in order to function and my little "pep" talks are fairly much gone.
As I sit and contemplate, fall to sleep at night in prayer I find myself once more amazed at God and the
way life is settling out to be. From the start of this relationship I find God's patience with me. I find
His love as well. God figured out way before I did that coming at me in a strong way would make me dig
my heels in and not do what I am being strong armed into. I tend to show the people who want to be
over me that I will not be strong armed even if it hurts me.
God has always been so tender with me and in that tenderness I have grown. It is what I need. It is the
way I am made. Junior is tender with me. Sometimes he is more direct than I need. I tell him to stop and
he does and at that point I make the changes I need to make.
God told us to move. We listened and there isn't a day that I don't marvel. Both Junior and I are the type
that preferr to live in a wooded area as opposed to a beach front. We love the woods, the wild animals
that cross our yard and the like.
We also love the quietness of the country life as opposed to the hustle and bustle of the city life. He works
on the house. I work on writing, cleaning, cooking and loving on the fur children. Life is sweet and simple. I
have needed the simple life for a long time and now I am living it.
I marvel at the house we have. It is about 90 years old. Both Junior and I love the old time stuff. I like the
old style of furniture. To me it is a throw back to the past and simpler times. Life in those days had their
challanges for sure but the simple things were more prevlant.
I am not a woman from that era though. I pull the covers over the pillows. I don't tuck the blankets in and I
don't throw a lot of pillows on the bed. My house is not fussy clean. It is neat but not so clean that each
thing is in its place and a place for everything exsits. There may be a bit of clutter from time to time. Most
days I would be good if someone dropped by for a visit.
I marvel even at Junior and I. I remember praying when I went off to marry Junior after knowing him for such a
short time. I did not want to enter into the upheavel I knew in my first marriage. I remember God telling me
to "go and not look back." I did and I must say I have never felt so in tuned to another person in my life. I
love it.
Daisy and Mindy have been the last piece that has entered my life. They are my children even if they have fur.
Daisy is always so excited when we come back from not having her with us. She sneaks out to the car and jumps
in. Lately we let her do this and then Junior takes her back in if she can't go with us. If she does go with
us she sits in my lap. At the store I place her in the buggy on the seat. She sits there so nicely. I love it.
As people fuss over Daisy I find myself all proud that my child is bringing others joy. As I am silly with the
retail people I find myself happy that I was able to bring a moment of joy into their work day. I love walking
around the store sometimes with Junior and sometimes I go off on my own. If we lose each other we tend to head
back to the car. Sometimes I call him on his phone or he calls me on mine and we then hook up. It works out real
nice.
I am thankful for all the marriage seminars and relationship classes Junior and I took when we first married. I
am able to understand the strange person I am married to easier and I don't get as irritated at him. I know that
he wears blue glasses and hearing aids and I wear pink glasses and hearing aids (not really) and I learn to
understand we are made differently.
I marvel at how much I love life these days. The days of dark depression are over with. God has held me close as
I have worked through each struggle I have had the past many years. As each struggle fell into place with the
right kind of help I have been able to over come my struggle. It is has taken time but in the end I am once
more the happy go lucky girl I have been in the past.
I hear the belt sander going over the wood shelf unit Junior has made for the kitchen. My man is doing what he
loves a lot. He loves to work and renovating has become his "job." As the end comes near I see that he seems
ready to slow down. I think it would be great fun to pick up used furniture and to work on it and make it
"new" again. I think it would be fun to sell these at yard sales. I hope we can see this endeavor begin in
the next while.
Our retirement years are settling nicely. I love the slower pace.I have done a lot of work these past
few years. God has guided me, held me and in the end I am where God wants me to be and I want to be
where God wants me.
Do you give God your life and allow Him to lead, guide and direct it?
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
My goal this winter is to focus on the things I like and not on the cold and the snow. So far
I am doing ok. I like to focus on the fire place, the smell of wood burning. I love the two new
fur babies cuddling with me in my chair as I sit and write. I love a warm blanket over me and I
love hearing the tools making a noise while Junior renovates.
Sometimes Junior is on the phone with a buddy and they chat for a while. I love listening to Junior
talking in a back and forth kind of way. Sometimes he giggles and that is precious to me. I also
love phone chats during the day for me as well.
This year I have a sunlight lamp going so I hope to not get the SAD sluggish feeling this year. I
have picked up my crocheting dish cloths again. I am surprised at how hard it is for me to do much
more than a row or two before I have to put it down. I have told myself that this is like the other
areas of my older years and I do it, put it down and then go back to it. My conentration level has
gone way down compared to my younger days. These days I am not angry, alarmed over this lack.
I also am walking on the excercise machine more. I like that a lot. I tend to walk, sit and watch
TV news and then the next commercial I do it again. I am up to 3 5 minutes of walking times so I
continue to expand on that.
For the first part of the morning I tend to wake up on FB, check out my stats in regards to my blog
and read my Bible. I will write a blog and then I get up and make lunch, sweep the floor plus another
chore or two before settling down with my lunch and the news and my excercise.
I love this routine way of life. For me it gives definitation to my day. Once or twice a week we run
around town on errands to the Chiropractor and such. I love those days as well. They break up the
routine and I get to mingle with people a bit. I like that.
Once a week I go off and help out at church. Again I like that routine feeling. Each day has its own
agenda and it falls into a rythmic pattern for my life. I do life in the rythmic patterns well. They
tend to give my day defination and purpose.
The days of confusion and fogginess are fairly much gone. I also know that the run days tend to tire
me out so I fully expect to sit more and nap more the days after the run days. It is what I need to do
in order to function and my little "pep" talks are fairly much gone.
As I sit and contemplate, fall to sleep at night in prayer I find myself once more amazed at God and the
way life is settling out to be. From the start of this relationship I find God's patience with me. I find
His love as well. God figured out way before I did that coming at me in a strong way would make me dig
my heels in and not do what I am being strong armed into. I tend to show the people who want to be
over me that I will not be strong armed even if it hurts me.
God has always been so tender with me and in that tenderness I have grown. It is what I need. It is the
way I am made. Junior is tender with me. Sometimes he is more direct than I need. I tell him to stop and
he does and at that point I make the changes I need to make.
God told us to move. We listened and there isn't a day that I don't marvel. Both Junior and I are the type
that preferr to live in a wooded area as opposed to a beach front. We love the woods, the wild animals
that cross our yard and the like.
We also love the quietness of the country life as opposed to the hustle and bustle of the city life. He works
on the house. I work on writing, cleaning, cooking and loving on the fur children. Life is sweet and simple. I
have needed the simple life for a long time and now I am living it.
I marvel at the house we have. It is about 90 years old. Both Junior and I love the old time stuff. I like the
old style of furniture. To me it is a throw back to the past and simpler times. Life in those days had their
challanges for sure but the simple things were more prevlant.
I am not a woman from that era though. I pull the covers over the pillows. I don't tuck the blankets in and I
don't throw a lot of pillows on the bed. My house is not fussy clean. It is neat but not so clean that each
thing is in its place and a place for everything exsits. There may be a bit of clutter from time to time. Most
days I would be good if someone dropped by for a visit.
I marvel even at Junior and I. I remember praying when I went off to marry Junior after knowing him for such a
short time. I did not want to enter into the upheavel I knew in my first marriage. I remember God telling me
to "go and not look back." I did and I must say I have never felt so in tuned to another person in my life. I
love it.
Daisy and Mindy have been the last piece that has entered my life. They are my children even if they have fur.
Daisy is always so excited when we come back from not having her with us. She sneaks out to the car and jumps
in. Lately we let her do this and then Junior takes her back in if she can't go with us. If she does go with
us she sits in my lap. At the store I place her in the buggy on the seat. She sits there so nicely. I love it.
As people fuss over Daisy I find myself all proud that my child is bringing others joy. As I am silly with the
retail people I find myself happy that I was able to bring a moment of joy into their work day. I love walking
around the store sometimes with Junior and sometimes I go off on my own. If we lose each other we tend to head
back to the car. Sometimes I call him on his phone or he calls me on mine and we then hook up. It works out real
nice.
I am thankful for all the marriage seminars and relationship classes Junior and I took when we first married. I
am able to understand the strange person I am married to easier and I don't get as irritated at him. I know that
he wears blue glasses and hearing aids and I wear pink glasses and hearing aids (not really) and I learn to
understand we are made differently.
I marvel at how much I love life these days. The days of dark depression are over with. God has held me close as
I have worked through each struggle I have had the past many years. As each struggle fell into place with the
right kind of help I have been able to over come my struggle. It is has taken time but in the end I am once
more the happy go lucky girl I have been in the past.
I hear the belt sander going over the wood shelf unit Junior has made for the kitchen. My man is doing what he
loves a lot. He loves to work and renovating has become his "job." As the end comes near I see that he seems
ready to slow down. I think it would be great fun to pick up used furniture and to work on it and make it
"new" again. I think it would be fun to sell these at yard sales. I hope we can see this endeavor begin in
the next while.
Our retirement years are settling nicely. I love the slower pace.I have done a lot of work these past
few years. God has guided me, held me and in the end I am where God wants me to be and I want to be
where God wants me.
Do you give God your life and allow Him to lead, guide and direct it?
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
December 3 2013
December 4 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Lately I have had to re-write several blogs. I write them just before I
publish them. My old computer with all the saved blogs was in the shop
and then my new one with more saved blogs is in the shop.
When I get the new one back I hope to figure out how to save on the cloud. This
way I can access my work from whatever computer etc. I am working with. We will
see if I can learn this trick.
I am moving along with hoot suite as well. I have a few days posted for the twitter
topics I write about. My blog is also uploaded on hoot suite and it goes out to my
FB page and my twitter page and the new page I created. I feel so grown up using this
program and writing to my hearts content.
It is hard for me to let other people's attitudes toward me not affect me. I tend to
start believing people that I am weird and strange. I feel deep hurt as I struggle to
find a way to relate to people who don't care for me and the way I am.
In the Lord though I am walking away from the need to be "what others" deem me to be. As
I hurt I take my hurt to God. God reminds me that He created me to be the way I am. God
also keeps putting people in my path that like me the way I am. That feels good so these
days I may entertain the idea of not being very likeable but as I talk to God I find myself
discarding what others think and accept God's view of me.
As I sit in my chair writing Mindy is next to me and Daisy is at my feet on the recliner. I
don't understand why these girls make me feel so special but they do. When Phineas can he
sneaks up in my lap as well. His 30-40 pounds feels heavy next to the girls tiny 10 pounds
and less. Still Phineas feels good in my lap. He fills it up. He lays up near my chin and
if I stop petting him he fusses with me to begin again. I love it to be honest.
These days I hear electric tools going throughout the day. It is refreshing and knowing that
Junior is near also tends to feel good. I don't talk to him much. He wants to concentrate
on what he is doing. Knowing he is near and hearing him work feels real good to me.
We had not been out for a few days. We have holed up at home and been involved in our own
work. When the day was finished for Junior he asked me if I wanted to go to Walmart. I was
dressed in no time flat.
We went off to Walmart. I took Daisy with me. We had a blast shopping for wax melts, a coat
for Mindy another heater etc. I don't need to be taken on a "date" date anymore. I find that
a trip to Walmart is a date. I find a movie at home is a date. I truly love the occasional
trips we take. On the trip we tend to talk and connect in ways we don't at home. Forced time
alone in a car tends to bring out those deep things we tend to ponder. We share goals and
to me I feel connected to my man.
I also love stealing glances at Junior as he drives or sleeps while I drive. His cute factor
continues to grow on me. I find love bubbling inside of me as well. Sometimes I can tell that
Junior is checking me out as well. I must say it feels real special when I catch him checking
me out.
I was concerned about our age difference when we first got together. He is 7 yrs. older than I
am. He was of the era that had DA's for men's hair styles and they wore black. My era was the
"hippie" era. I had straight hair. I loved bell bottom pants and the like.
I continue to find that as we leave our teen years behind the age differences between men and
women does not seem as important in life like it was back in the day. Our faith journey is what
tends to bind us these days. We both have a desire to know Jesus and to live our life as if
Jesus was our Savior. This is the point we connect on.
Sunday mornings means we go to church. There is not argument no discussion. We get up and we go.
We come home and I tend to sleep most of the afternoon. Junior slows way down and sleeps quite a
bit as well. It is our day to re-group and focus on the Lord.
Monday has us back to our day to day life of rennovating and writing and keeping the house in order.
Sunday though is our day to slow way down. We generally head back to church in the evening for
Bible study. We aren't going on Wednesday nights. It seems to be more than we can handle at
present. I'd like to but right now I can't. It is what it is.
I also find myself accepting that my ministry is not volunteering for the various projects the
church tends to take on. It makes me sad but I don't have the energy I once had. I find though
that I am in ministry throughout the week. B has become a friend. We laugh and giggle when she
comes out for a visit. She is living on $500 a month. Not a lot of extra cash flow. We have her
watch our animals when we travel and sometimes she helps me with house work so Junior pays her
for her services as well.
I realize that even though we are friends we are also ministring to her. She tends to minister to
me as well. We share the sting of abuse and she has come alongside of me at times like no one else
has. She has helped me move out of all those memories and listened as I needed an ear. Because of
her patience and understanding I now am able to leave the past in the past more so these days.
A friend recently lost her husband to a long illness. I e-mail her short notes and try to let her
know she wanted and loved. Another friend has had knee replacement surgery and I find myslef calling
and checking in on her.
My writing is also a ministry. I am sharing my faith journey. As I share my journey I tend to
realize that accepting Jesus as my Savior is not a one time and it is sealed deal. For me it
is a journey and some days I do real well and some days I need to start over again. I had
wished I understood the journey aspect many years ago. So now I share in the hopes my journey
helps someone else.
Junior is also a ministry. I attempt to be what he needs me to be. The only way I can do that is
by praying asking God to help me seek Junior's highest good. That means I leave him alone when
he is working. He does not want to chat a lot because the chatter tends to fill his mind and
he can't remember the work he is doing.
Ministry is having the place picked up. I put a load of clothes in the washer and dryer the other
day. Junior does laundry in our marriage. Right now he is so involved in renovating that laundry
tends to take a back seat. I threw the clothes in and dryed them and it is a gift I am giving
to Junior till he is ready to take it back.
As I fell apart the last few years my taking care of the cat box grew very lax. Junior has taken over
that job. I am thankful that he has helped me out.
The more I learn that I don't have to say "God or Jesus" in every sentence and the more I begin to strive
to live God's way the more I realize that I am about the Lord's work even if I am not mentioning Him in
every sentence. It is not about a "showy" way of life but more about a heart filled life for the Lord.
A young lady that I used to watch before school recently contacted me. I read to her and my children at bed
time. Sometimes she'd stay the night. I let her work beside me in the mornings as I made lunches or breakfast.
I even visited her when she had an operation or two. She was like one of my own children to me and she
contacted me telling me how much it meant to her.
I was ministring way back when and did not realize it. There was some kids in the neighborhood who had a crazy
up bringing. I wrote a poem for my children and they asked me to write them one. I wrote about each child
telling them something unique and special about them in the poems. Gee I find myself in ministry way back
when I believed there was a God but did not know how to be close and personal with God.
At one time I was a youth advisor for the teens at the church I attended. I was an elder also. For many years
I was involved in various mission trips. Those are the ways I had thought ministry was. It was tied to the
church. These days I find that not to be the only case. Some of us work with in the church and most of us
work outside the church as well.
As I finish I also realize that I minister to my animals and they tend to minister to me. The thing I find is
that ministry is a moment by moment activity and not just an organized activity. It can be both.
Who are you ministring to? Your family? Friends? Someone you don't know. I even think of myself being in ministry
when I act silly for retail workers to lighten their load for a bit in the day.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Lately I have had to re-write several blogs. I write them just before I
publish them. My old computer with all the saved blogs was in the shop
and then my new one with more saved blogs is in the shop.
When I get the new one back I hope to figure out how to save on the cloud. This
way I can access my work from whatever computer etc. I am working with. We will
see if I can learn this trick.
I am moving along with hoot suite as well. I have a few days posted for the twitter
topics I write about. My blog is also uploaded on hoot suite and it goes out to my
FB page and my twitter page and the new page I created. I feel so grown up using this
program and writing to my hearts content.
It is hard for me to let other people's attitudes toward me not affect me. I tend to
start believing people that I am weird and strange. I feel deep hurt as I struggle to
find a way to relate to people who don't care for me and the way I am.
In the Lord though I am walking away from the need to be "what others" deem me to be. As
I hurt I take my hurt to God. God reminds me that He created me to be the way I am. God
also keeps putting people in my path that like me the way I am. That feels good so these
days I may entertain the idea of not being very likeable but as I talk to God I find myself
discarding what others think and accept God's view of me.
As I sit in my chair writing Mindy is next to me and Daisy is at my feet on the recliner. I
don't understand why these girls make me feel so special but they do. When Phineas can he
sneaks up in my lap as well. His 30-40 pounds feels heavy next to the girls tiny 10 pounds
and less. Still Phineas feels good in my lap. He fills it up. He lays up near my chin and
if I stop petting him he fusses with me to begin again. I love it to be honest.
These days I hear electric tools going throughout the day. It is refreshing and knowing that
Junior is near also tends to feel good. I don't talk to him much. He wants to concentrate
on what he is doing. Knowing he is near and hearing him work feels real good to me.
We had not been out for a few days. We have holed up at home and been involved in our own
work. When the day was finished for Junior he asked me if I wanted to go to Walmart. I was
dressed in no time flat.
We went off to Walmart. I took Daisy with me. We had a blast shopping for wax melts, a coat
for Mindy another heater etc. I don't need to be taken on a "date" date anymore. I find that
a trip to Walmart is a date. I find a movie at home is a date. I truly love the occasional
trips we take. On the trip we tend to talk and connect in ways we don't at home. Forced time
alone in a car tends to bring out those deep things we tend to ponder. We share goals and
to me I feel connected to my man.
I also love stealing glances at Junior as he drives or sleeps while I drive. His cute factor
continues to grow on me. I find love bubbling inside of me as well. Sometimes I can tell that
Junior is checking me out as well. I must say it feels real special when I catch him checking
me out.
I was concerned about our age difference when we first got together. He is 7 yrs. older than I
am. He was of the era that had DA's for men's hair styles and they wore black. My era was the
"hippie" era. I had straight hair. I loved bell bottom pants and the like.
I continue to find that as we leave our teen years behind the age differences between men and
women does not seem as important in life like it was back in the day. Our faith journey is what
tends to bind us these days. We both have a desire to know Jesus and to live our life as if
Jesus was our Savior. This is the point we connect on.
Sunday mornings means we go to church. There is not argument no discussion. We get up and we go.
We come home and I tend to sleep most of the afternoon. Junior slows way down and sleeps quite a
bit as well. It is our day to re-group and focus on the Lord.
Monday has us back to our day to day life of rennovating and writing and keeping the house in order.
Sunday though is our day to slow way down. We generally head back to church in the evening for
Bible study. We aren't going on Wednesday nights. It seems to be more than we can handle at
present. I'd like to but right now I can't. It is what it is.
I also find myself accepting that my ministry is not volunteering for the various projects the
church tends to take on. It makes me sad but I don't have the energy I once had. I find though
that I am in ministry throughout the week. B has become a friend. We laugh and giggle when she
comes out for a visit. She is living on $500 a month. Not a lot of extra cash flow. We have her
watch our animals when we travel and sometimes she helps me with house work so Junior pays her
for her services as well.
I realize that even though we are friends we are also ministring to her. She tends to minister to
me as well. We share the sting of abuse and she has come alongside of me at times like no one else
has. She has helped me move out of all those memories and listened as I needed an ear. Because of
her patience and understanding I now am able to leave the past in the past more so these days.
A friend recently lost her husband to a long illness. I e-mail her short notes and try to let her
know she wanted and loved. Another friend has had knee replacement surgery and I find myslef calling
and checking in on her.
My writing is also a ministry. I am sharing my faith journey. As I share my journey I tend to
realize that accepting Jesus as my Savior is not a one time and it is sealed deal. For me it
is a journey and some days I do real well and some days I need to start over again. I had
wished I understood the journey aspect many years ago. So now I share in the hopes my journey
helps someone else.
Junior is also a ministry. I attempt to be what he needs me to be. The only way I can do that is
by praying asking God to help me seek Junior's highest good. That means I leave him alone when
he is working. He does not want to chat a lot because the chatter tends to fill his mind and
he can't remember the work he is doing.
Ministry is having the place picked up. I put a load of clothes in the washer and dryer the other
day. Junior does laundry in our marriage. Right now he is so involved in renovating that laundry
tends to take a back seat. I threw the clothes in and dryed them and it is a gift I am giving
to Junior till he is ready to take it back.
As I fell apart the last few years my taking care of the cat box grew very lax. Junior has taken over
that job. I am thankful that he has helped me out.
The more I learn that I don't have to say "God or Jesus" in every sentence and the more I begin to strive
to live God's way the more I realize that I am about the Lord's work even if I am not mentioning Him in
every sentence. It is not about a "showy" way of life but more about a heart filled life for the Lord.
A young lady that I used to watch before school recently contacted me. I read to her and my children at bed
time. Sometimes she'd stay the night. I let her work beside me in the mornings as I made lunches or breakfast.
I even visited her when she had an operation or two. She was like one of my own children to me and she
contacted me telling me how much it meant to her.
I was ministring way back when and did not realize it. There was some kids in the neighborhood who had a crazy
up bringing. I wrote a poem for my children and they asked me to write them one. I wrote about each child
telling them something unique and special about them in the poems. Gee I find myself in ministry way back
when I believed there was a God but did not know how to be close and personal with God.
At one time I was a youth advisor for the teens at the church I attended. I was an elder also. For many years
I was involved in various mission trips. Those are the ways I had thought ministry was. It was tied to the
church. These days I find that not to be the only case. Some of us work with in the church and most of us
work outside the church as well.
As I finish I also realize that I minister to my animals and they tend to minister to me. The thing I find is
that ministry is a moment by moment activity and not just an organized activity. It can be both.
Who are you ministring to? Your family? Friends? Someone you don't know. I even think of myself being in ministry
when I act silly for retail workers to lighten their load for a bit in the day.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
December 4 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Lately I have had to re-write several blogs. I write them just before I
publish them. My old computer with all the saved blogs was in the shop
and then my new one with more saved blogs is in the shop.
When I get the new one back I hope to figure out how to save on the cloud. This
way I can access my work from whatever computer etc. I am working with. We will
see if I can learn this trick.
I am moving along with hoot suite as well. I have a few days posted for the twitter
topics I write about. My blog is also uploaded on hoot suite and it goes out to my
FB page and my twitter page and the new page I created. I feel so grown up using this
program and writing to my hearts content.
It is hard for me to let other people's attitudes toward me not affect me. I tend to
start believing people that I am weird and strange. I feel deep hurt as I struggle to
find a way to relate to people who don't care for me and the way I am.
In the Lord though I am walking away from the need to be "what others" deem me to be. As
I hurt I take my hurt to God. God reminds me that He created me to be the way I am. God
also keeps putting people in my path that like me the way I am. That feels good so these
days I may entertain the idea of not being very likeable but as I talk to God I find myself
discarding what others think and accept God's view of me.
As I sit in my chair writing Mindy is next to me and Daisy is at my feet on the recliner. I
don't understand why these girls make me feel so special but they do. When Phineas can he
sneaks up in my lap as well. His 30-40 pounds feels heavy next to the girls tiny 10 pounds
and less. Still Phineas feels good in my lap. He fills it up. He lays up near my chin and
if I stop petting him he fusses with me to begin again. I love it to be honest.
These days I hear electric tools going throughout the day. It is refreshing and knowing that
Junior is near also tends to feel good. I don't talk to him much. He wants to concentrate
on what he is doing. Knowing he is near and hearing him work feels real good to me.
We had not been out for a few days. We have holed up at home and been involved in our own
work. When the day was finished for Junior he asked me if I wanted to go to Walmart. I was
dressed in no time flat.
We went off to Walmart. I took Daisy with me. We had a blast shopping for wax melts, a coat
for Mindy another heater etc. I don't need to be taken on a "date" date anymore. I find that
a trip to Walmart is a date. I find a movie at home is a date. I truly love the occasional
trips we take. On the trip we tend to talk and connect in ways we don't at home. Forced time
alone in a car tends to bring out those deep things we tend to ponder. We share goals and
to me I feel connected to my man.
I also love stealing glances at Junior as he drives or sleeps while I drive. His cute factor
continues to grow on me. I find love bubbling inside of me as well. Sometimes I can tell that
Junior is checking me out as well. I must say it feels real special when I catch him checking
me out.
I was concerned about our age difference when we first got together. He is 7 yrs. older than I
am. He was of the era that had DA's for men's hair styles and they wore black. My era was the
"hippie" era. I had straight hair. I loved bell bottom pants and the like.
I continue to find that as we leave our teen years behind the age differences between men and
women does not seem as important in life like it was back in the day. Our faith journey is what
tends to bind us these days. We both have a desire to know Jesus and to live our life as if
Jesus was our Savior. This is the point we connect on.
Sunday mornings means we go to church. There is not argument no discussion. We get up and we go.
We come home and I tend to sleep most of the afternoon. Junior slows way down and sleeps quite a
bit as well. It is our day to re-group and focus on the Lord.
Monday has us back to our day to day life of rennovating and writing and keeping the house in order.
Sunday though is our day to slow way down. We generally head back to church in the evening for
Bible study. We aren't going on Wednesday nights. It seems to be more than we can handle at
present. I'd like to but right now I can't. It is what it is.
I also find myself accepting that my ministry is not volunteering for the various projects the
church tends to take on. It makes me sad but I don't have the energy I once had. I find though
that I am in ministry throughout the week. B has become a friend. We laugh and giggle when she
comes out for a visit. She is living on $500 a month. Not a lot of extra cash flow. We have her
watch our animals when we travel and sometimes she helps me with house work so Junior pays her
for her services as well.
I realize that even though we are friends we are also ministring to her. She tends to minister to
me as well. We share the sting of abuse and she has come alongside of me at times like no one else
has. She has helped me move out of all those memories and listened as I needed an ear. Because of
her patience and understanding I now am able to leave the past in the past more so these days.
A friend recently lost her husband to a long illness. I e-mail her short notes and try to let her
know she wanted and loved. Another friend has had knee replacement surgery and I find myslef calling
and checking in on her.
My writing is also a ministry. I am sharing my faith journey. As I share my journey I tend to
realize that accepting Jesus as my Savior is not a one time and it is sealed deal. For me it
is a journey and some days I do real well and some days I need to start over again. I had
wished I understood the journey aspect many years ago. So now I share in the hopes my journey
helps someone else.
Junior is also a ministry. I attempt to be what he needs me to be. The only way I can do that is
by praying asking God to help me seek Junior's highest good. That means I leave him alone when
he is working. He does not want to chat a lot because the chatter tends to fill his mind and
he can't remember the work he is doing.
Ministry is having the place picked up. I put a load of clothes in the washer and dryer the other
day. Junior does laundry in our marriage. Right now he is so involved in renovating that laundry
tends to take a back seat. I threw the clothes in and dryed them and it is a gift I am giving
to Junior till he is ready to take it back.
As I fell apart the last few years my taking care of the cat box grew very lax. Junior has taken over
that job. I am thankful that he has helped me out.
The more I learn that I don't have to say "God or Jesus" in every sentence and the more I begin to strive
to live God's way the more I realize that I am about the Lord's work even if I am not mentioning Him in
every sentence. It is not about a "showy" way of life but more about a heart filled life for the Lord.
A young lady that I used to watch before school recently contacted me. I read to her and my children at bed
time. Sometimes she'd stay the night. I let her work beside me in the mornings as I made lunches or breakfast.
I even visited her when she had an operation or two. She was like one of my own children to me and she
contacted me telling me how much it meant to her.
I was ministring way back when and did not realize it. There was some kids in the neighborhood who had a crazy
up bringing. I wrote a poem for my children and they asked me to write them one. I wrote about each child
telling them something unique and special about them in the poems. Gee I find myself in ministry way back
when I believed there was a God but did not know how to be close and personal with God.
At one time I was a youth advisor for the teens at the church I attended. I was an elder also. For many years
I was involved in various mission trips. Those are the ways I had thought ministry was. It was tied to the
church. These days I find that not to be the only case. Some of us work with in the church and most of us
work outside the church as well.
As I finish I also realize that I minister to my animals and they tend to minister to me. The thing I find is
that ministry is a moment by moment activity and not just an organized activity. It can be both.
Who are you ministring to? Your family? Friends? Someone you don't know. I even think of myself being in ministry
when I act silly for retail workers to lighten their load for a bit in the day.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Lately I have had to re-write several blogs. I write them just before I
publish them. My old computer with all the saved blogs was in the shop
and then my new one with more saved blogs is in the shop.
When I get the new one back I hope to figure out how to save on the cloud. This
way I can access my work from whatever computer etc. I am working with. We will
see if I can learn this trick.
I am moving along with hoot suite as well. I have a few days posted for the twitter
topics I write about. My blog is also uploaded on hoot suite and it goes out to my
FB page and my twitter page and the new page I created. I feel so grown up using this
program and writing to my hearts content.
It is hard for me to let other people's attitudes toward me not affect me. I tend to
start believing people that I am weird and strange. I feel deep hurt as I struggle to
find a way to relate to people who don't care for me and the way I am.
In the Lord though I am walking away from the need to be "what others" deem me to be. As
I hurt I take my hurt to God. God reminds me that He created me to be the way I am. God
also keeps putting people in my path that like me the way I am. That feels good so these
days I may entertain the idea of not being very likeable but as I talk to God I find myself
discarding what others think and accept God's view of me.
As I sit in my chair writing Mindy is next to me and Daisy is at my feet on the recliner. I
don't understand why these girls make me feel so special but they do. When Phineas can he
sneaks up in my lap as well. His 30-40 pounds feels heavy next to the girls tiny 10 pounds
and less. Still Phineas feels good in my lap. He fills it up. He lays up near my chin and
if I stop petting him he fusses with me to begin again. I love it to be honest.
These days I hear electric tools going throughout the day. It is refreshing and knowing that
Junior is near also tends to feel good. I don't talk to him much. He wants to concentrate
on what he is doing. Knowing he is near and hearing him work feels real good to me.
We had not been out for a few days. We have holed up at home and been involved in our own
work. When the day was finished for Junior he asked me if I wanted to go to Walmart. I was
dressed in no time flat.
We went off to Walmart. I took Daisy with me. We had a blast shopping for wax melts, a coat
for Mindy another heater etc. I don't need to be taken on a "date" date anymore. I find that
a trip to Walmart is a date. I find a movie at home is a date. I truly love the occasional
trips we take. On the trip we tend to talk and connect in ways we don't at home. Forced time
alone in a car tends to bring out those deep things we tend to ponder. We share goals and
to me I feel connected to my man.
I also love stealing glances at Junior as he drives or sleeps while I drive. His cute factor
continues to grow on me. I find love bubbling inside of me as well. Sometimes I can tell that
Junior is checking me out as well. I must say it feels real special when I catch him checking
me out.
I was concerned about our age difference when we first got together. He is 7 yrs. older than I
am. He was of the era that had DA's for men's hair styles and they wore black. My era was the
"hippie" era. I had straight hair. I loved bell bottom pants and the like.
I continue to find that as we leave our teen years behind the age differences between men and
women does not seem as important in life like it was back in the day. Our faith journey is what
tends to bind us these days. We both have a desire to know Jesus and to live our life as if
Jesus was our Savior. This is the point we connect on.
Sunday mornings means we go to church. There is not argument no discussion. We get up and we go.
We come home and I tend to sleep most of the afternoon. Junior slows way down and sleeps quite a
bit as well. It is our day to re-group and focus on the Lord.
Monday has us back to our day to day life of rennovating and writing and keeping the house in order.
Sunday though is our day to slow way down. We generally head back to church in the evening for
Bible study. We aren't going on Wednesday nights. It seems to be more than we can handle at
present. I'd like to but right now I can't. It is what it is.
I also find myself accepting that my ministry is not volunteering for the various projects the
church tends to take on. It makes me sad but I don't have the energy I once had. I find though
that I am in ministry throughout the week. B has become a friend. We laugh and giggle when she
comes out for a visit. She is living on $500 a month. Not a lot of extra cash flow. We have her
watch our animals when we travel and sometimes she helps me with house work so Junior pays her
for her services as well.
I realize that even though we are friends we are also ministring to her. She tends to minister to
me as well. We share the sting of abuse and she has come alongside of me at times like no one else
has. She has helped me move out of all those memories and listened as I needed an ear. Because of
her patience and understanding I now am able to leave the past in the past more so these days.
A friend recently lost her husband to a long illness. I e-mail her short notes and try to let her
know she wanted and loved. Another friend has had knee replacement surgery and I find myslef calling
and checking in on her.
My writing is also a ministry. I am sharing my faith journey. As I share my journey I tend to
realize that accepting Jesus as my Savior is not a one time and it is sealed deal. For me it
is a journey and some days I do real well and some days I need to start over again. I had
wished I understood the journey aspect many years ago. So now I share in the hopes my journey
helps someone else.
Junior is also a ministry. I attempt to be what he needs me to be. The only way I can do that is
by praying asking God to help me seek Junior's highest good. That means I leave him alone when
he is working. He does not want to chat a lot because the chatter tends to fill his mind and
he can't remember the work he is doing.
Ministry is having the place picked up. I put a load of clothes in the washer and dryer the other
day. Junior does laundry in our marriage. Right now he is so involved in renovating that laundry
tends to take a back seat. I threw the clothes in and dryed them and it is a gift I am giving
to Junior till he is ready to take it back.
As I fell apart the last few years my taking care of the cat box grew very lax. Junior has taken over
that job. I am thankful that he has helped me out.
The more I learn that I don't have to say "God or Jesus" in every sentence and the more I begin to strive
to live God's way the more I realize that I am about the Lord's work even if I am not mentioning Him in
every sentence. It is not about a "showy" way of life but more about a heart filled life for the Lord.
A young lady that I used to watch before school recently contacted me. I read to her and my children at bed
time. Sometimes she'd stay the night. I let her work beside me in the mornings as I made lunches or breakfast.
I even visited her when she had an operation or two. She was like one of my own children to me and she
contacted me telling me how much it meant to her.
I was ministring way back when and did not realize it. There was some kids in the neighborhood who had a crazy
up bringing. I wrote a poem for my children and they asked me to write them one. I wrote about each child
telling them something unique and special about them in the poems. Gee I find myself in ministry way back
when I believed there was a God but did not know how to be close and personal with God.
At one time I was a youth advisor for the teens at the church I attended. I was an elder also. For many years
I was involved in various mission trips. Those are the ways I had thought ministry was. It was tied to the
church. These days I find that not to be the only case. Some of us work with in the church and most of us
work outside the church as well.
As I finish I also realize that I minister to my animals and they tend to minister to me. The thing I find is
that ministry is a moment by moment activity and not just an organized activity. It can be both.
Who are you ministring to? Your family? Friends? Someone you don't know. I even think of myself being in ministry
when I act silly for retail workers to lighten their load for a bit in the day.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
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