December 17 2013

December 17 2013
As a young person I picked up my mother's habit of reading the newspaper to wake up. I
married Junior and the newpaper's were on strike and he wanted to support the union
workers so no newpaper to wake up with.
It was hard at first but I got to where I did not need the paper to wake up. I had a
tendency to turn on talk radio and that filled the void for me. As we moved to VA I
find it hard to get radio stations so now I wake up with the computer.
This morning my connection is slow. It could be the weather or who knows. I am irritated
that I can't wake up with my usual routine. Often times when that fails I find myself
writing in my journal or writing a blog.
As I do this I wake up and make plans for my day. It works. At this point I am working
backwards to my routine but it works and the irritation fades. Junior is getting up
latter these days. The CPAP is helping him sleep better. He too is in a wake up mode and
we both sit on our computers. He is doing small little things right now. Soon I will hear
power tools. I caught up some of the laundry last week and today he has gotten a load in
the machine already.
I drink my coffee and both the little ones are near me so contentment reigns in my heart. I
have moved passed the agitated feeling. Junior gets up from the table and I see him working
in the TV area. It feels good to watch my man work for some reason.
The dogs are sprawled around the entry way with the littlest ones in my chair with me. They are
enjoying a chew bone. Other than the dog toys and bodies all around the house still looks fairly
picked up and I fall in love with my home yet again.
In this quiet I begin to contemplate Mary, Jesus' mother. We saw the movie "The Nativity" a few
years ago and I tend to think on that from time to time. I am thinking on it again this morning.

Mary was a teen mother. She was pregnant before marriage which was not something a respectable girl
did back then. She went off to see her cousin for a few months and when she got back she was showing.
At that point I began to see how hard it was for her. As I watched the people stare in unbelief and
begin the "whisper" process I began to sense her humiliation.
Mary knows she has done nothing wrong. She still looks to be an unwed mother in the making. I feel for
Mary as she deals with the finger pointing and accusations. Even Joseph is dismayed. He decides to marry
Mary and then divorce her quietly. He does not want to hurt her out right but he is hurt that this
child is not his.
An angel comes to Joseph and tells him that Mary is pregnant with the Savior. She has done nothing wrong.
He is to marry her and stay by her side. Joseph does as he is instructed. At this point the couple both
know but other's don't so they both live with the shame.
I also think about Jerimiah. I learn he is known as the weeping prophet. He gives God's message, the people
refuse and God show's him the wrath He is about to bring on His people. Jerimiah is not real popular with
the people because Jerimiah brings doom and gloom. They want positive things.
Noah built the ark for many years. People laughed at him and told him he was nuts. God said to build the ark
and he did. Then all of a sudden the earth began to fill with water. Noah and his family was saved. The animals
were saved and everything else was filled with water.
The people were told to bow down to a gold idol. Daniel refused and only bowed down to God so he got thrown
into the lion's den. Those lions were hungry. They did not harm Daniel though. God would not let them. Daniel
kept doing what he was supposed to even though it would cause him a lot of trouble.
I also see where God gives very generously. Abraham, Issac and Jacob were all wealthy. Hannah was barren for many
years and then after a moment of petitioning prayer she became pregnant. She had promised this child to be
given to God. She did take him to the temple and left him there. Later she became pregnant a few more times.
I also think on Scripture that says something to the effect that we need to pray in God's will. I start to learn
to readjust my priorities as I continue on my faith journey. I find what once was important is not so these days.
I feel God's love and I find myself loving other's differently. I love them before I love myself these days.
Down deep I know that God will give me what I need. With that confidence I begin to adjust my desires and I find
love and peace gowing within me.
The last five years or so have been real hard. I would go in and out of depression. My health issues were numerous
like I could not sleep more than a couple hours at a time. My brain got foggier and foggier. The simplest tasks
were difficult. I could not organize or figure out how to work behind Junior. My appendix went bad. I had it removed
and then there was the fall down a hill. I had blacked out and was rolling down a hill toward a river. When I came
to and went off to the hospital I had a broken verterbrae.
I found a doctor down here and she has walked with me on this journey. One by one she addressed each of my issues and
she found solutions to get me back on track. I now understand my problems and deal with the ones that can't be
fixed permantely. I have a birth defect. My brain stem is growing in my vertebrae.It causes me to stumble and lose
my balance a lot. A cane helps me but does not always protect me. I still stumble.
Through all of this I have felt God's hand on me. I knew I would not stay in the deep abiss forever and as I come out
of it I find myself joyful and energetic again. I am not the energetic woman of my past but I have an energy level
I have not seen in many years.
I have learned to work around this energy level and I find life to be full and complete. Walking close to God is the
most important goal of my life these days. God allowed these things to happen. I am grateful for them to be honest
because I have learned that God will always be near when I need Him.
I no longer feel like an un-wanted person. God wants me and finds me to be ok. I like that a ton. God also gives me
work to do and I like to work. I like being recognized for the work I do but I only need God's approval these days.
Walking with God is not a cake walk but it is a walk I don't ever want to leave. I continue to find that God created
us and He knows exactly what we need. I find a contentment in life as I strive to walk in God's ways.
Are you walking the way of the "world" or are you seeking God's way?
May God bless you and keep you.
love
Janet