December 21 2013

December 21 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Junior is a gem. Sometimes I'd like to scream at him though. For a while it was him telling
me that I am lazy several times a week. I finally had enough and told him to stop. As time
went on we find out I am dealing with Chronic Fatigue and when I can't I don't and when I can I do.
Next it is that I play stupid. No I don't not like I did when I needed to save myself from
a beating.
One of the things I have learned about "me" is that I make choices. The angry woman/child I have
been in the past is gone. It has been a re-foucusing my thoughts so that anger does not rise and
live within me. It is a way to try to see the bright side of a situation rather than worry it to
death.
I read my last blog to Junior as I usually do. I had known the time for him telling me that I do
stupid too much needed to end. I had enough. I asked God a few times how to approach this. I kept
quiet when I really would have liked to get into a nasty argument. I wrote the blog fully expecting
to rewrite it and read it to Junior as I usually do. Junior felt this topic was a good marriage one.
Junior heard my frusturation loud and clear. He came to me a few times to appolgize and give me a kiss.
At that point I thanked God. I did not need to make a huge scene. I found a way for my man to hear my
frusturation and now we move on.
Fifteen years later and I still marvel. I can tell Junior nicely what I don't like and he hears me. He
does not tell me that I am over sensivtive. He acknowldges that at times he is wrong. Junior also will
let me know when I am stomping on his toes.
Recently I asked Junior to hang a couple of things. He said "sure." All of a sudden I sensed he was not
happy with me. He finally said that I was asking too much of him. I was bewildered since he tends to say
without reservation what he will and won't do.
I let him know my confusion. I quit asking him to hang these things and all of a sudden they got hung. I
get used to Junior's upfront ways and I am not generally upset with them. This time it was a struggle for
him to be up front. It happens. I learn to not ask as much so that he can concentrate on the renovating.
Junior and I have a way of understanding each other. Our previous spouses did not understand us but we tend
to be able to figure each other out. I like that feeling a lot. I started with counseling in my former marriage
years before our divorce. I had anger issues to work out. I had to learn to be more direct. As I learned to
be direct and not cave into my anger my spouse could not control me. At that point he wanted the divorce.
My counselor taught me to be direct with a man. He taught me that men want to make women happy but they don't
read between the lines well. As I entered into a relationship with Junior I learned how to be upfront with him
from the start.
On our honeymoon Junior insisted we begin a prayer time each day together. It is this prayer time that I believe
has helped us the most. I believe God opens our hearts to our mates at times, probably all the time. As I kept
asking God to teach me to be the wife Junior needs I found my "eyes" opened to this man. I touched him in ways
that felt good to him.
Junior has listened to God as well in regards to me. At first I was terrified to sweep the floor if Junior was
around. Junior kept showing me patience and these days I sweep when he is in the room. Junior has had to move
slowly with me. I came to him a frightened woman. In Junior's tenderness I have blossomed.
I also know that Junior sounds rough and tough but I also know that there is a tender hearted man inside of him.
When we were first married I would tear into Junior without much thought. It was what I needed to do to survive
life up till that point. Junior was able to step back and let God work with me.
Through the years I find myself going to God first when something is upsetting me. I tend to approach Junior much
more tenderly these days. I think Junior knew I needed to learn how to become soft. As he kept taking me to God
he found ways to open my heart and these days we rarely have words.
Most of the time I tell him that he needs to "stop" and he will. He tells me what he wants and I tend to try to
accomadate his needs. Junior has been renovating this home for 3 1/2 years now. I sense that some days he is ready
to call it an end. He is tired and understandbly so. I am realizing that I need to ask less of him as well so that
he can finish out the work that needs to be done which is still a few years away.
To say that we never fight would be so wrong. We don't fight often and I like that when we have a struggle we tend
to bring it to the other one. We don't try to hurt them with our anger. We understand that the toes were trampled
not on purpose and the other one was not aware of it so we bring it to the other's attention. At that point we tend
to open our eyes to the need and we stop doing what was offensive.
I find it so very important to keep praying. These days Junior and I aren't praying together as we once did. We both tend to
pray through out the day and a big prayer is for our marriage. I came to Junior in tenderness. He heard my frusturation
and is willing to stop. It works so much nicer than all the drama of yesteryear.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet