December 26 2013

December 26 2013
Greetings My Friend,
Today is a one of those I want to whine days. My wrist hurts like no tomorrow it is
arthritis. The dogs stole my blankets all night on the coldest night of the year so
far. I knew a child at one time in my life who would walk around saying "Waaaaaa waaaaa" and
that is it. That is how I feel today.
The heat is not working something needs to be fixed so it is cold in the house and I don't
like to be cold. Mindy jumped up on my lap and walked across the keyboard.....it is hard for
me to quit feeling so bad for myself.
I want all my "whaaaa's" to be silly so people will laugh at me. I don't pull it off this time
though so I sound like a whiny child. I take stock of this bad attitude that is trying to overide
my joy, contentment.
As I begin to sort through each "whaaa" I begin to realize that in the scheme of things they truly
are not that awful. They aren't that funny as well. They need to be kept to myself and I need to be
quiet until I have a better frame of mind.
That is one of the lesson's I often reflect on. "What you ponder on often comes out of your mouth."
So I attempt to learn again the valuable lesson of "garbage in, garbage out." Through the years I
have worked hard to see the "good" things in life. Some days I do pretty good and some I don't.
I find the biggest changes have come since I have begun my faith journey. As I started this journey I
wondered how I would have time to pray every day. I wondered how I could be in touch with God throughout
the day. I have raised a family, been married most of my life, went to college after I had children and
the list goes on and on. So how could I put "one" more thing into my day?
I was home in the mornings after I married Junior. My shift did not start till 10:30 so Junior was at work
for a few hours before I even left for work. That time was precious. I began quiet time before work with God.
I read my Bible and I learned to pray. I even found a Bible study to work through from time to time and frankly
I loved those days to no end.
When I got to work I focused on work. I had a problem with a co worker one time and I took myself out for a
walk. I walked and prayed and talked to God about my situation. I wanted to quit but God told me to stay. I
stayed. I found myself handling this person and not resorting to anger. That was a first.
Still I found that for the most part I rarely thought about God throughout the work day. I did think about being
honest, fair and such things. I would pull out the "WWJD?" thought from time to time but mainly I was focused
on my work.
Toward the end of my career I found each day becoming next to impossible to do. The energy I once had was fading
fast. Days off meant that I slept most of the day so I'd have energy to get up and go to work. The simplest of
tasks became difficult. My sleep was getting erratic. It took me a few years before I realized I needed a CPAP
machine due to my devated septum it was hard for me to breathe.
The lack of sleep was creating all kinds of havoc in my life. Then I found myslef just sitting and not moving. It
was hard for me to work up the energy to move from one chair to the next. I totally did not understand this either
since I am a fidgety type person.
In all of the frusturation I found myself turning to God all day throughout the day. One  by one my doctor and I have
found what was behind my lack of energy and sleep and my tendcy to stumble and fall. It has been a huge process for
me to gain an insight to my "lack." The last piece of the puzzel has been to start taking viatmin b 12 supplements.
These days I have a measure of the energy I once had. I am older so I am not as active as in years gone by but my
energy level is way better.
I still have moments where I need to stop and rest for a day or so at times. I have learned to move througout the day
in small amounts instead of lumping projects together in an hour or two time frame. These days even Junior can tell
when I have ran out of steam and he will start having me sit and rest if we are out and about. He knows my struggle
with extreme heat and again will have me sit in the air conditioned car for some time outs when we need to be out
side a whole lot.
I find myself "thanking God" a whole lot these days. I love this thankfull feeling so much. My mind set is not on all
the bad stuff life has thrown me but on the good stuff that comes my way. For the first 40 years of my life I had
people who wanted to controll me and if I did not do what they wanted they pounded on me. I was married 24 years and
all of a sudden I was divorced. I felt like "who would want me?" Then I met Junior and we've been married 15 years
now.
I realize that God has given me a second chance in life. I marvel at that all the time. I thank God for this second
chance often. I have learned that each day there is a new second, a new minute to work through. Then I realize there
is a new day, a new week, a new month and then a new year.
All the newness of life was not a young person's gift anymore. It was a gift to an older person and I was so thankful.
I was now married to a man who respected me, my feelings and everything. He thought I was and still am beautiful. He
tells me often. He even treats me like I am beautiful and I have gone through some weight changes as I have become
an older woman.
I can't thank God enough for Junior to tell you the truth. He makes me feel like a woman and no one in my life before him
has ever made me feel so precious. I even tell people that Junior wanted me because I looked good on his arm. I feel that
pretty.
God told us to move to VA and we did. I lived in MI for a good 50 years so I figured I'd never pack up and move out of state.
I could seem me/us being snow birds but a move out of state, I did not see that one. Out in Va I have found a doctor who
has worked alongside of me to help me get to the bottom of these struggles. In MI the doctor patted my hand, gave me a
perscription and sent me home. Here we are a team and I like that a bunch.
My journey with God has gotten to the point where I tend to find several times througout the day to go to Him. Sometimes
it is just to read the Bible and offer up a few prayers. Sometimes I find myself in a day long dicussion and then I
learn lessons I need to function. The more I focus my love and attention on God the more wholeness I feel in my life.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet