December 12 2013

December 12 2013
Greetings My Friend,
I finally asked God. I knew somewhere deep inside of me that this ministry needed to come
to an end even though I did not want it to. I kept doing it even though I had not taken
it to prayer. I wanted fellowship with other women and this was one way I could reach out
to other women in my community. I loved our chats and I felt like the little we did was
helpful in the overall running of the church.
One lady moved away for a period of time. The ladies decided to come a little earlier on
Friday mornings. That began a hard journey of making it to chuch for me. Two of us lived
outside of town so it was a little bit of a drive. They decided to meet earlier and for
me it was hard. By the end of the week I am running out of steam. Friday's became harder
and harder for me to be up and out the door.
If the work was done by the time I could get there I visited with the church secretary for
a bit. I love our chats. She often had her daughter with her and her toddler daughter often
found my cane to be a fun toy to play with. We laughed at her trying to carry that cane about.
I loved visiting with her but my writing started taking more of my time and now that I am doing
more housework I found that this time could be used for other purposes. Somewhere deep inside of
me I knew it was time to ask God and to live by His direction. Up to this point I refused to ask.
I did not want a "no" so I continued on with what I was doing.
I knew somewhere inside of me that this endeavor needed to come to an end. I flat out did not want
it to come to an end though. Then the day came and I asked and God said "no." The strange thing is
I was ready for that "no."
I began to see all the work I could tackle and it excited me even more so. Again I knew that God
knows best. My new goal of "your will, Lord" took over in my thought life and my desires. Today is
the first Friday I have not gone in on purpose. Many Friday's I have overslept and could not get up
and moving. This morning when I woke up late I started my morning routine.
I also will be home to listen to my cousin's radio ministry she is involved with. That excites me to
no end as well. I again learn that staying home more is not a huge chore. I tend to love it overall
and the days at home are not as scary as they once were.
I have added another 5 minutes to the excercise machine and that feels good. I feel more of my health
coming back as I focus on writing, on house work, excercing and cooking. I still have moments of
"I can't" and on those days I sit it out knowing that soon I will be more active again.
I come back to the thought "Your will Lord." As I learn to give God "all" of me I find life to be
very sweet. I accept my limitations and then I move on. I don't bemoan the fact that at one time
I could do this or that and now I can't.
I also find comfort in knowing God wants my best. I marvel when God tends to know me more than I
know myself. I have known for a while that the volunteer on Friday time needed to end but I did
not want to end it. God has been patient with me and then came the day I asked and was told "no."
I also knew God was right. I felt comfort in God's "all knowing" power.
I am a bit miffed at my resistance. I knew the time was coming but I chose not to "hear" God. I felt
by not asking Him I was ok. Then I realized that this truly needed to end. It is a 20 minute drive
for me to get to town. It is another 20 minutes back. To get to the church and the work is already
done does not make any sense. Even though I enjoyed visiting with the office secretary for a few
minutes I also realized she needs to work.
Again I think "God wants my best" so why do I get into these struggles. God knows me better than I
know myself and each time I give in and do what God tells me to do I am always much happier. The last
thing I want to do is to be stubborn. I am though.
This morning I find myself praising God again. I once more marvel at His all knowing power. I have another
journey with the Lord to fill in my memory bank. I will find in the future I will give in quicker and
more readily. I will know that I know that God wants only my best and I won't want to argue the point.
I will keep this moment in my "rememberance" thoughts. I will go over it and reflect on it often. When the
next struggle comes I will do what God says sooner because of this journey.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet