February 27 2014

February 27 2014

Greetings My Friend,

I have a few Christian sites on FB and often Scripture passages appear. Some times the passage is very familiar and as I read it I find hope residing in me again – even though I wasn't feeling down. It is being renewed in my spirit. I love to pass along those passages.

At times I see them posted on other friends sites. Sometimes it is a picture of a cuddly animal and I share those as well. As I go to twitter I find quotes and such that speak to my faith so I pass those along as well. Many days I am passing along these things more than I am putting out my own comments.

I find comfort in them. Others find comfort in them and pass along the Good News. I think in a way as fellow believers we are trying to do two things. First I think these pictures and passages speak to a need within me/us. Second I always hold out hope that a nominal or unbeliever will connect with something and then begin their own journey in the faith.

Some people don't get moved by these FB posts. I am not trying to be offensive. I keep finding the more I go to Twitter the more I feel a connection to other believers. I find that my community of friends and believers are diverse and large and again I don't feel alone in this huge world. At first I was concerned that I could be overbearing and I truly don't want to be overbearing. As I gain comfort and confidence in the Lord and His Good News I begin to see that I need these passages and pictures and others enjoy them and I guess my friend lists will end with the true friends I need. If I am un friended well that is OK. I also realize that the people who want to come to the Lord will regardless how hard I try. I just need to be willing and God will gain the glory.

As Christian movies tend to come out in theaters Junior and I attempt to watch them so that more movies will be what we enjoy. We want to encourage our Christian values and live them even in what we read and watch. We truly don't like the movies that show too much sex and violence anymore. To me the action adventure movies are not unlike the western movies of years ago. There is a good guy and a bad guy and in the end the good guy wins.

As I share my faith I often find other writers and such that help me to grow in my faith journey. I don't want to be legalistic so I try to let God do the work of changing me and others. I do like to have the format in which to learn and grow in God's love.

As I pray and read God's Word I begin to strive to live God's way. It is a process and process' take time to work through. In the start of this journey I felt God told me to quit worshiping my children. That was a hard thing to hear. My kids gave me the reason to live, to try when I'd rather not have. They grew up with a crazy household. My anger would stay inside of me for a long time and then I would blow up. I did not want to hit my kids like I was hit. I had never seen a good example of a home not filled with anger. At some point I started going in and out of counseling. That started to bring changes in the way I responded to anger. As I began my faith journey I slowly learned that anger was not needed for all things I found to be angry about all of my life. I learned how to walk away from anger one day at a time and one step at a time.

I think many people don't get the process part of a faith journey. I think that they are like I was for the longest time and thought that the minute you commit yourself to the Lord that you were healed of every bad part of your being. That is not so. It is a journey a life long journey.

To that end I also believe that we don't stay the same ever. I can tell you for certain that I am not what I was at the start of this journey. I also know that down the road I will grow even more so and I won't recognize “me” at that point. My goal in being a Christian is not a list of should of could of and would of ways. I have to admit that I do like lists though. God keeps showing me He doesn't want to see the things crossed off of my list but He does want to see that my heart is changing and aligning more with His desires. God is not a black and white God. He wants that inner part of me to change.

None of us knows the depth of changes another person makes fully. So I learn to Agape love again and again. So if someone is mired in drugs or such then I don't know their journey to where they are when I meet up with them. They may not seem to be of God. At the same time I do look for progress in their journey. If there is no progress then I question their intentions.

As I Agape love another person I am seeking their highest good. That means I won't give money to buy a fix or such. It means that I won't give money to someone for the sake of it but I will try to see if the need for money is real. Sometimes I go to prayer and ask God directly about helping someone I see. God will guide me.

God is not impressed with my good deeds or gifts of money for the sake of being nice. He is interested in my “heart” and the reason I give. This “heart” lesson is a hard one to grasp. I do find though that I tend to check my “heart” out as I enter into situations. Am I being honest? Am I doing this because I want to or is it an act so that God will love me?

The more I love God the more my heart begins to align with God. I start to want and desire the things that are important to God. “ I desire mercy, to walk humbly more than sacrifice.” this is paraphrased but I believe the message is there.

At this point in my journey I find that I need to be open and honest with myself. I need to be upfront with God about my struggles or sin in my life. The more I am honest the more I sense God's guidance in walking away from things. I have little or no anger anymore. Do I get a bit angry at times I do but the total red anger of yesteryear is gone. I tend to be able to deal with things way before I explode. I don't need to resort to that type of anger to be heard these days.

I continue to find people to surround me that aren't angry over every little thing. The more I am around them the more I learn ways to deal with life. I no longer cave into the thought life of a lifetime ago. As a thought tries to pop into my head I find myself in prayer asking for help to walk away from that thought and I am amazed at how quick that thought leaves me.

I learn that prayer takes different shapes throughout the day. As I pray at night and as I wake up I find myself to be in conversations with God. As a thought enters my brain I find that a popcorn prayer works as well. As I see an accident I begin praying for those involved in the accident, the people caring for the wounded and such. The more I walk with God the more I see that I talk to Him like I do with Junior. We may have a period each day involved in our work. Then we come together and chat. At times I need to interrupt his work for a problem that needs to be resolved. God is near and the more I learn to start talking as if He is right there I begin to be in relationship with God.

I also don't feel alone in the world anymore. God is always right there beside me. He will guide me, He will hold me as I need. In all of this I find I can face anything life shoves at me.

Where do you get your strength from?

May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.

Love

Janet

February 25 2014

February 25 2014

Greetings My Friend,

My morning wake up and talking to God time is nice. I feel content and alive in the Lord. I am so happy that I have learned to talk to God as I fall asleep and wake up. Many mornings I find myself between wakefulness and sleep. I find myself stretching as the fog of sleep leaves me I feel God near me and I bask in His warmth.

This is a new found moment in my faith journey. Through the years I'd feel God's gentle touch but not like I do today. I feel Him more often than in the past. As I walk closer to God I often sense His nearness. God is always there, I just don't go to Him like I should. I am learning to enter into His realm more often these days.

For me I have felt God's love from the start of this journey. As I developed my walk I have found walls coming down. It has been a process and a journey. Learning to turn to God for all things also is a journey. I had to undo the lesson I learned as a child, “God helps those that help themselves.” I felt I was to try life on my own and God would reward the effort.

As I grow in my faith I learn to lean on God, ask God and listen to God. He wants me to do life His way not my way. I may have good intentions but those intentions could be harmful. I have always loved people down deep in my heart. I have also loved with dysfunction and found myself mired in abuse. When I started this walk I felt God's love and I basked in it.

As I felt God's love I also began to love God and God is teaching me to love in healthy ways. To me Agape love – seek another's highest good is the best way to love. When I look at love this way I begin to quit trying to “get” love and to give love. As I learn to “give” love I find I am entering into healthier relationships. I have a tendency to want to please others at a cost to “me.” I leave “me” out of the dynamics and soon I am wounded and lost and alone. When I seek anothers highest good then I am not begging to be loved at a cost to the other person or myself.

In loving this way I find I am not walking all over another person and they are not walking all over me. To me Agape love has been a wonderful lesson. It is a lesson I tend to work on daily. I try to Agape love Junior, friends, family even strangers. As I Agape love life begins to settle into a wonderful rhythm.

For me routines move me. I need them to help me define my day and life. I also love to have a list of things to check off each day. It is what I need to do life. At times though though this need to check off things can become “legalistic” and that leads to dysfunction. I don't “hear” God and then I once more find I am doing life on my own. I find that I need to move away from my “lists” and talk to God. My night/morning time helps me stay tuned into God and His plans for my life.

I am sure we all have our “legalistic” ways. We don't mean to but we tend to fall into them rather easily and are not always aware that we've entered into them. Again I see how important a constant dialog with God is so important. I also find that God understands and if we are honest with God and ask Him to forgive us I find God directing my steps again.

Each new day, new week, new month and new year tends to find “me” growing more in the Lord. I am not where I was and I am not where I will be and I find comfort in all this. I find “newness” of life and I don't fret that life is passing me by and I am “too old” to change. I am not a child anymore. I am not a young adult or a middle aged adult but I am a senior citizen and that is OK. I go into my older years with gladness knowing that my journey is still on going. I have things to learn, things to give and in that life is full and sweet.

I got my hair cut yesterday. It is a pamper myself moment for me. I get to chat with my hair stylist and hear about her life. I also enter into conversations with the other hair stylist and customers. I enjoy this time a lot. As I was making my appointment for next month I chose a day the other stylist did not work and she said she'd like to see me again. That felt real nice and I changed my day to fit her schedule. As I go to the doctors I find the staff giggling at my antics. They often tell me they enjoy when I come in. I feel wanted and loved. So if there are people in my life that find me to weird, I don't mind God tends to keep putting me in the path of people who enjoy me for being “me.” That feels nice and I begin to quit begging for love. It is handed to me in all sorts of ways and I marvel at God's love for me. He knows what I need.

I love the song “Just give me Jesus.” To me it sums up my needs the best way.

Where is your “need?”

May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.

Love

Janet

February 22 2014

February 22 2014

Greetings My Friend,

Slowly I create the look for Daisy I am comfortable with. I am not a fussy person wanting my looks, my children looks even my animals looks to be fussy. I like the down to earth, peaches and cream style way more than a very manicured style.

Daisy's hair is growing out from the manicured look the groomer gave her. I like her hair longer and now I have the hair on her head pulled up in a top knot since it is short for now. I love the look to be honest and as summer comes I will let this part grow. We will cut her hair fairly short all over for the summer so she will be cool and let it grow for the winter.

Miss Mindy decided to help herself to my bite splint. I tend to take it out if I am up for a bit at night. I got up put the bite splint in it's case on the headboard. Miss Mindy decided to play with it and has chewed an end of it off. Now I have a raw spot on the inside of my mouth due to the end being chewed. I will see if the dentist can fix this.

For the last two days I've been struggling to get into Hoot Suite to load my blog, to tweet and what have you. I am a bit miffed as to how to fix the problem. When I get on I see nothing but lines and I have gone out and back in again, tried a few of the side bar settings and at present I am unsure of what to do next. I don't have a computer person I can call either. Ugh!

Little things are turning into annoying problems and I'd like to get dramatic about them. These days though I keep the drama to myself and don't fuss out loud. I find myself talking to God and as I do answers come I begin to handle each situation. Frankly the drama is fairly much gone and I love it. I just deal with each situation as God enlightens me. I find answers and then move through the struggle. I find life moves on and the struggle tends to be minimal actually.

Now Junior has decided to make a phone call while I am writing and needs to get at my prescriptions so we can get them mailed instead of going to the drugstore. He can't figure out my system so I need to go over and help him out. Again I feel a bit irritated. I get up and help him with no caustic comments and then I go back to my writing again. I am grateful I don't give into my anger and we move on in friendship. The irritation is not a real problem after all.

Mindy finds her way back to my side. Daisy is wandering around with her cute look. I find peace in the moment and all the other struggles are just that a moment of irritation. Junior and I remain friends. Life is sweet and God is good.

Taking each and every situation to God has been a learning process. I still find myself trying to figure life out on my own at times. When I can re-focus and give life to God answers come easier. I also like to stop and think “Would God like what I am doing” often as well. The more I can turn my Whole life over to God, the smoother life is.

Even in the major trials I find God to be my “rock.” I feel intense pain at times like being rejected. As I keep up a constant conversation with God though I find I work through each situation and soon peace reigns.

In the good times anymore I find myself thanking God a whole lot. I find it is a way to stay connected to God all the time. I don't just call out to God in the hard times anymore I even seek Him in the good times. Kind of like marriage or any other relationship I enter into. If you don't connect often then that relationship will begin to fall apart.

The “thankfulness part is so important and has taken me a long time to learn to do and understand. Along with thankfulness I find praising God to be important. The more I praise God the more I find myself respecting God and in awe of Him. It is like my letters to Junior the more I wrote to him and told him what a wonderful guy he is the more I was able to move past his annoying traits only God does not have annoying traits but the more I am in awe the more I love Him.

For the first time in my life I don't live in constant fear. I face each challenge and I see myself moving out of it and calm. The days of feeling my stomach shake are gone. This faith journey walk continues to bring wholeness to my life. I truly don't want to go back to the days of doing life on my own will.

I am thankful to Junior because he has tried to provide a safe environment to live in. I am also in awe of his faith journey. His goal is to be the husband God wants him to be. I love it when Junior says “I don't think God would like that.” That statement alone is awesome to me.

The more I watch Junior walk with the Lord the more comfortable I feel in my faith journey. One of the first lessons I learned watching Junior is that God does not want me to keep feeling bad over my offense. As I watch Junior live life I see he has some not pretty parts to his past. He has moved on from those days and I see a man at peace with his past. As I see this I find myself letting go of my past. I find peace. I see myself growing in the Lord.

From the start of this journey God has made me feel like I matter. As I look back on life I see a woman that was always wanting attention and I would do just about anything to get that attention. These days I still don't mind being the center of attention but it isn't important if I am not. I find Agape love to be the goal of my life – seeking another s highest good.

In seeking another s highest good I learn to not be a “yes” person for the sake of it. At times a “no” is necessary. I don't have to be “people pleaser” to be liked and wanted. As I seek their good I find that people tend to like you when you seek their good. At times I am not liked. These days I remind myself that God loves me and that feels real nice. It is all I truly need God's approval and love. Anymore I am given is icing on the cake.

As I left a longtime relationship and I looked back at that relationship I felt like I had prostituted myself. I kept giving in order to receive love. I thought that was what I needed to do. Junior has taught me not to prostitute myself that I deserve respect. I find myself thanking God for making me feel like I have worth.

Where does your self worth come from?

May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.

Love

Janet

February 20 2014

February 20 2014

Greetings My Friend,

Another winter is leaving quickly. I made it through the winter and am proud of myself. I hate winter time so much. Out here in VA it is much easier than in MI and by the end of winter I am ready for warmer weather again.

I had a doctor appointment yesterday so we made it a day. It was in town so we did some shopping we were needing to get done. A store is going out of business so we made a stop at that store and I picked up a few things.

We finished up at Wal Mart's getting groceries and such. It worked out well. We tend to lump our days of running with our doctor appointments and frankly it works. At this point in our lives we are able to stay home and not leave for a few days at a time and then we run as we have appointments. It works out real nice.

We have the entry way fairly much in order again. I love the new look and have posted pictures on FB. Along with working on rearranging the entry way Junior has been rearranging the enclosed porch, building a cabinet for the kitchen and he amazes me.

We now have a coffee area set up in the kitchen. Our coffee supplies are handy and even cups will be right there as we wake up and pour ourselves a cup of coffee. I marvel at Junior's mind and his creative ways. At the store yesterday Junior found a rug for our front door. It blends in rather nicely with the print on the area rug. I would never have tried this combination but I must admit it is perfect.

The one book case in the corner is also great. I have baskets where I have placed shoes in them. Now our fur children can't get at my shoes and chew them. I had a spot where they could get at my shoes. My love of baskets is in use once more. I have books around the baskets and the baskets are up high enough the fur children can't reach in and take them.

My visit to the doctor entails more tests and specialist visits. I again believe old age is having a part time job going to various doctor appointments. I told my doctor that each time she told me that my lungs sounded clear I felt I had overcome the effects of being around second smoke for over 40 years. She mentioned that just because my lungs sounded clear it did not mean I was free of lung problems.

I will have a few tests done to check out my lungs. It also makes sense once more as I realize that I tend to wear out rather easily. I struggle on very humid days to breath and to do everyday tasks. It may also be why I wear out quickly as well. We will see.

I also have found a way to get things done these days. I have finally learned to work in spurts. Being retired I can take most of a day to clean up my home. I have assigned each day with certain tasks to get done along with the everyday stuff like making our bed. It works.

I have found a way to have privacy and at the same time I am able to look out a window. Junior and I have devised a way to hang shelf paper on the window. With the little tiny holes in it I can see out and seeing in is rather hard as I've tested it out several times. We get light in and I like that.

God is how I do life. I marvel when I discover that I am tending to take more of my life to God first. As Junior struggled a few weeks ago I asked God to help me. God guided me and as I called for directions the people I called were available.

God is the one who has led me to this doctor. She seems to pinpoint the things I need to do and that is a huge relief. God teaches me to be the wife that Junior needs me to be. I marvel when I am able to touch Junior's heart. I marvel that Junior truly loves me.

Daisy and Mindy are my children/grandchildren I have longed to nurture. I love playing with Daisy's hair and dressing her up for our errands that she tags along on. Mindy plants herself in my lap each time I sit down and "owns" me that is until Dad comes along and then she "owns" Dad for a while.

The older dogs are my grown children and we share moments of quiet time, walking and what have you. I have a sense of protection as well since they tend to let me know each car that drives by.

God knew I had a need to care for someone. The fur children fill that need. God even knew the right house for us. I marvel at how much I love this place and I am excited for the day all the renovating is done. This house is perfect for us.

As I continue to take walks, drive around I fall in love over and over with the mountains, the trees and the quiet peace that this area offers us. It is God who directed us to move here and I continue to marvel at all the little tiny details He has worked out for us to follow and enjoy.

Out here in the middle of no where I have learned to love staying home and being quiet. In the city I am sure I would have taken on more than I can handle but out here I learn to pace myself and I enjoy the slower pace even more so.

"Be still and know that I am God." This passage comes to me often and I relish that I have learned how to "be still." In the stillness I see things that my busy mind and body would tend to miss. I am learning what makes "me" the person I am. I find that I also like myself as I am and I don't have that need to please everyone. My need now is to please God first and foremost. It works out rather nicely.

God reminds me that doing what I can when I can and sitting when I can't is truly OK. As I absorb this lesson I find that I am at peace with life even if my body is not what it used to be. I learn to live in the body of an older woman and I relish each day.

"Be still and know that I am God." This passage is always whispering at me and in the stillness I learn so much. I love deeper.

The song "In the stillness of the night" plays in my thoughts.

May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.

Love

Janet

February 18 2014

February 15 2014

Greetings My Friend,

I have my new computer at last. It seems like an eternity since the old one went bad....useable but not. I now have a new computer that doesn't act silly every other minute. I also have spell check again and of course that makes me real happy. I have a tendency to not know which words have double letters and which one don't so spell check helps me.

I had my follow up visit with my doctor yesterday. She wants me to have a scope put down my stomach so we can see what is going on. I also mentioned my stumbling to her. I asked her about the birth defect I have. Apparently she does not think that the birth defect is the cause of my stumbling. So she wants me to see a neurologist for that. I again think that my job in old age is to go to various doctor appointments. It is what it is.

There is a part of me that wants to panic. I begin with all the questions trying to force their way through my brain. I find myself dwelling on them and then I begin praying. I ask for God's direction and for strength. As I lift up my prayer I begin to settle down and those thoughts aren't coming in so fast and soon they are gone all together. It does no good to go through the “what if” questions because in the end it may be nothing or there will be nothing I can do about the situation.

To me the prayer helps me stay grounded on the “now” of the problem and as I receive answers I will be able to deal with what needs to be dealt with. I continue to take the struggles to God and I find myself facing what I must face without all the drama that I used to cave into.

Once I found out I had cancer I started dealing with following the doctor's orders. I started my prayers asking for God's help and for God to give me courage as I faced unpleasant procedures. I learn to live in the moment and frankly it is easier.

I only went through radiation. The radiation did me in though. I believe my “lack” these last few years are the result of radiation and cancer. As I deal with all the stuff that has been happening, one by one I find answers and then I move onto the next until I am now functioning better than I have been. It is a process and it takes time. I also learn that my faith journey is a process and I continue to find myself growing.

In my older years I also learn to slow down and work on housework, day to day life one at a time. In breaking down my day to moment by moment steps I find that I am able to do a days work. My days work now can take me all day but that is OK. I accept that life needs to move slower and in the slowness I find the day to fill in rather nicely. It works.

I still find myself wanting Junior to renovate quicker and I get irritated with myself. He is working as hard as he can the best he can. If I am slowing down so is he since he is seven years older than I am. God is the one who helps me not be impatient, it sure isn't me on my own.

Again I am grateful for the prayer for our marriage that God has helped me pray for years now. As I continue to bring my frustration to God I find that I tend to back off from the need to nag my husband and to be overbearing. As I don't fuss at Junior he continues renovating and the house continues to take shape and I am often thrilled with the results beyond belief. So God gets my “mouth” and He helps me to see the good in my husband. It works real nice to be honest.

I continue to marvel at how much Junior and I enjoy each other. It isn't what we've done on our own. It is “us” taking our marriage to God and God teaching us to be what the other one needs. I learn to quit wanting life to go my way and to seek Junior's highest good. For some reason that begins to feel good. The more I seek Junior's highest good the more content I feel.

There have been moments as well that I had a need. It needed to be addressed and God was working on Junior's heart. Junior gave me what I needed and I did not need to ask. It amazes me when this happens and I continue along the journey of Agape love. It is awesome really.

Both Junior and I know dysfunction real well. We were raised in dysfunction and then grew up to marry into dysfunction. For both of us our faith journey has led us out of our dysfunctional thinking and way of handling life.

We still have what I call “bus driver” moments. Some things Junior does will take me back to those years. Housebreaking our dogs was one of those moments. Until I met Junior all the men in my life caved into their anger. Anyone around them often felt their blows including animals. Junior has been very patient but firm with the fur children. It has taken me up to the last puppy we just got to be able to hear Junior say “bad dog” and not panic. These days I hear those words and I don't talk to myself or pray. I just let him correct Mindy and then I move on. Before I was paralyzed. It took me a while to be able to enter into the same room with Junior due to my fear.

Junior also has his moments with me. His first wife was constantly sick and wanted Junior to be near him all the time. It has taken Junior time but he is not fussing with me these days as I struggle like he once was. He felt his first wife tended to want attention more than there was a real problem. He has to sort out his “ex” and “me” as I struggle. These days though he knows that my struggles are real and that I tend to handle pain and what have you. I have to be able to “say” what is wrong with me. I do it more for reporting purposes and then I want to be left to deal with my pain.

Junior has also learned that I don't expect him to sit up in the hospital room with me all day every day. First of all the doctor's want tests done and I am being taken all over the hospital for those tests. That means he'd be sitting in the room alone. I'd rather have Junior pop in for a bit and visit and not sit there all day. I also don't mind talking with him on the phone. We connect and that is what is important to me.

We've been married 15 years now. We still have moments we need to work through. We take our struggles to God and He opens our hearts to each other. We both are happier than we have ever known before we met each other. It is God. It sure “ain’t” anything we've done on our own. On our own we would have drove the other one crazy.

Are you taking your marriage to God? Is it time?

May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.

Love

Janet.

February 15 2014

February 18 2014

Greetings My Friend,

My CPAP machine is broken. I am back to sleeping a couple of hours and then waking up for a few hours. At times I struggle to breathe. My CPAP helps me with my deviated septum. I should be getting a new machine soon but for now I struggle.

I went a night or two using my barely operational machine. Junior has noticed my struggle and has insisted I use his machine. It is hard because he needs his as well. With his machine though I have had a better nights sleep. I should have the new one tomorrow I hope.

For some reason I still marvel when Junior tends to “hear” my struggle. I've not been “heard” for so long that being “heard” is strange to me. As he “hears” me though I tend to move through the struggle and find solutions. He also will let me run thoughts by him.

I was talking to my sister about my latest struggle. I mentioned how I will feel congested often and she mentioned that Mom and Dad were heavy smokers along with my ex. She thinks that I may have some damage in the lungs and frankly it made sense.

I know I feel all “proud” when I am asked if I smoke and if I ever smoked and my answer is “no.” I have been divorced for 17 years now which means I've been away from having constant smoke in my home. Junior and I don't allow smoking in our home and neither one of us smokes. To be honest I love it.

In humid weather I struggle to walk my usual walking route. I seem to struggle doing something as simple as sweeping the floor. As I finish I am winded and need to sit down. I also have not said anything to my doctor. When she listens to my lungs she says they sound good. At this point though I do think I need to mention this struggle.

At first I think “not another problem.” One by one I have been moving through my various struggles and I was thinking I was nearing the end only to realize I have another issue that needs to be addressed. I want to be depressed, the whole nine yards. I am not though. I give this struggle over to God as well and I begin the process of working through what I need.

I also find some relief. I could not figure out why I would feel so winded doing a fairly simple task. It makes sense though. Even though I am winded and have to stop I find that if I relax for a bit I am able to get up and move about again. So as I see a picked up home or make another meal I feel good.

Even when I am walking on the elliptical I find that I need to do it in increments. I walk, rest and walk again and I am closing in on 20 minutes of exercise. I watch the news and eat lunch while I get on the elliptical. It works real nice to be honest.

As I write I realize that I am working through my struggle and not giving up. I feel a sense of accomplishment. I am not giving up. Depression is not taking hold of me and for that I am very grateful. I may not be able to run a marathon but I am moving and doing.

Being home more and running less also feels good. We tend to need to get out of the house once or twice a week. We do and I love it. The running does tire me out so the next day I find myself moving even slower. That too feels good. At this point I know that I will be back to my old self in short order. I move about as I am able in the real slow down moments and I find things getting done.

Junior has hung a door to the enclosed porch. He has made another puppy door for the fur children to come in on their own. The doorway up until now has had no door so now they need to be able to get in to the living areas and Junior has made them a way.

I do like the kids letting themselves in and out as they need. When a car comes by they often want to go outside and bark at it. They can and I don't have to let them out. Daisy is the only one that seems to think she needs to be let out through the door. She comes in through the puppy door. Silly girl.

God....He is always near. As I pray I tend to think about God's faithfulness. To me He is always near. That comforts me. I truly am not alone in this world. As I realize I am not alone I find that I have confidence. It is not confidence in me but in God and I move about life with more ease.

I have more struggles to deal with. That is OK, God is guiding me.

May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.

Love

Janet

February 13 2014

February 13 2014
Greetings My Friend,
Romance is in the air. Commercials are about Valentine's Day. A walk through
the drug store I see aisles of Valentine gifts to give. I see commercials
about Valentine's Day.
As I went through marriage workshops for the re-married I learned that it is
important to continue to date your spouse after the wedding vows have been
said. It is important to find time to go away and be alone for a period of
time, like a weekend get a way.
Junior and I have strived to keep on dating after we married. I am gratefull that
he insisted on this. I continue to know I am important to him. I love fixing myself
up pretty for time out with my guy and I love when I can hang onto his arm.
Due to Junior's balance issues I don't hold onto him often. I understand he can't but
he holds my hand when we are sitting in a movie, in church from time to time. So that
feels like the "hold his arm" moment for me.
As the years passed date nights took on different aspects. At first we went away for a
few day more often. We went to the show and out to eat more often. We then developed our
own date nights that were not the "norm". We loved Friday night grocery shopping. Since
I got off of work late we tended to shop later and the store was fairly empty. We got to
where we stole kisses in the aisles when no one else was there. We do that on the elvator
as well. When we are alone we tend to kiss for a bit before the next floor.
Our hectic work lives and volunteering and such meant that many times Saturday evening found
us watching a video at home with a bowl of popcorn. I loved it all snuggled up on couch next
to my man.
Sometimes when our health was better we would take off for a hike in the woods. We'd follow
trails and soak in the surroundings and we talked about everything. I loved it. As walking
trails became too hard we'd walk the asphalt trails. Then we learned to walk our neighborhood.
Out here in VA we walk our country lane and see woods, moutains and once in a while a deer. It
is like our hiking days.
These days we tend to work during the day and turn the TV on at night and to me it is a date. I
love our time to come togeather. Our trips to Johnson City, Kingsport or Bristol tend to be a
long drive. They begin to feel like a date to me as well. We are alone in a car and for some reason
that alone time always feels like time I draw close to Junior.
We tend to run to town once or twice a week and even that feels like a date to me. I think each couple
needs to find those things that work for them. For a time we went to a marriage retreat once a year. We
learned things and then one night was date night. Some couples had a picnic on the floor of the hotel
we were staying at. Some couples like the man combing the woman's hair or massaging her feet. Frankly
I am not all that excited about such things.
I have also seen couples that tend to do what the woman wants mostly. I learned to shoot a gun and some
date nights found us at a shooting range. Those nights Junior was about as excited as he could get. I
learned that he liked that more than a fancy meal in a resturant so I attempted to give him those moments.
Junior loves to shop and for that I am gratefull. He can look through racks and racks of clothing for hours
right alongside of me. I also have found that if I enter into his Lowe's shopping time he loves it. I have
walked up on Junior holding a drill and making the drill noise. As I come alongside of his likes he tends
to want to do my likes often. We don't quabble about what is fun. We try to accomodate each other.
For the longest time I thought I/we were not the romantic type. As the years went along I discovered that we
indeed were romantic. Just because we did not find the Hallmark moments the romance we enjoyed we did have
our own style of romance. We try to be true to our particular romance needs and we find love growing. We try
to take time outs often.
Come summer time I am sure we will head down the country lane several days a week. I look forward to our walk
with the dogs and with each other. We will dream about the next phase of rennovation or our next vacation and
a closeness developes. I feel connected because we take time to be alone.
May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.
Love
Janet

February 11 2014

February 8 2014

Greetings My Friend,
"Today is the first day of the rest of my life." "I know the plans I have for you, the plans to
prosper you and not harm you." "Faith, hope, love, the greatest of these is love." These things
help me do life. I thrive on little sayings. I also tend to share them on FB as I run across them.
I have many friends share what I share on their FB page as well.
I sense that many people tend to need to use sayings to help them do day to day life. Some people
don't seem interested in sayings. I find that we all tend to find strength and comfort in our own
special way.
At the hospital recently I was given a warmed up blanket. At home I tend to sit with a blanket over me
summer and winter. Blankets are a comfort to me. When life is too full or even scary I find that a blanket
will settle me down. My fur children settle me as well. We all find those little security things
so we can face life in general.
I've come to think of God in that way. He is my comforter and my strength each day anymore. I've found
that He likes the things I do and I strive to make Him happy each day all day. As I learn to trust God to
rely on God I find that I can face life even when it is real scary.
As I layed in the hospital bed recently I found myself talking to God asking for strength and courage for whatever
the diagnosis was. I asked for strength as I was poked mutiple times with a needle that did not feel real good.
As I went moment by moment I found a deep hug on me. I was handling the situation and I did not feel
panicky. That felt real nice.
Junior's back was bothering him and he was getting real sleepy while waiting in the ER. He went to the car to take
a nap. In the meantime the Doctor came in to see me after a few hours that is. He wanted to admit me so I could get
a stress test the next day. Junior was outside and I was being moved. Panic wanted to settle in. It did not though
because I told the doctor where Junior was. The doctor had a security guard come in and get the information on our
car and such. He went out knocked on the window and Junior came in.
The old Janet would have panicked. I would have worried the whole situation to death to find out it wasn't that
big of a problem. Now I prayed and I asked and it worked out just fine. Junior got the rest he needed and I was
being taken care of. He came in and I told him the news. Since it was real late he went on home and I went to my
room.
When the doctor came to me the next morning we discussed that I was to have a stress test and then more than likely
I'd be released. I called Junior with the information and the estimated release time. He came to get me at that point.
I was glad he did not come earlier because I was in and out of my room quite a bit. I was glad when he showed up to
pick me up and we waited 3 hours more for me to be released. He was there when I needed him and that was nice.
It is tiring when a loved one is in the hospital. It takes a lot of energy to keep the fires at home going, to go to
the hospital and visit the sick loved one. Many times the sick loved one isn't feeling good so they are sleeping a lot.
I find I am happy when Junior stops by for a visit. I don't expect him to stay all day long at my side as well. Knowing
he is taking care of the house, the fur children and such brings comfort to me.
I am gratefull for a smart phone because I can look online from time to time. I watch a lot of TV and of course the
hospital staff tends to want to do blood work, take my vitals and such. Between naps, the cell phone, TV and the hospital
staff poking at me I don't mind that Junior is not at my side all day long.
I do like his visits though. His visits tell me that I matter. He sometimes will intercede for me as well. He will
ask the nurse for a snack for me. He will get the nurse if something is wrong. I do have the call button but when
Junior is around and helping I feel wanted. I don't need him all day long though.
Soon the hospital visit is done with and I am on my way home. At home it usually takes me a day or two to get back into
the swing of things. My routines are a comfort for me as I re-enter into them. I know when I am feeling stronger by how
many of my routines I am doing.
I find myself talking to God more as I am alone a lot. I find comfort and strength as I talk to God. It was hard for me
to pray but as I tried to fall asleep I attempted to walk through my prayers. I fell asleep in the middle of some of
them. I started over and over as I forgot what I'd asked for earlier. In all of that though I felt God's gentle hand
on me and panic was not ruling me.
The Scripture that says "I will not leave you or forsake you" comes to mind and in that I relax and roll with the
whole situation.
Where is your strength?
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet

February 8 2014

February 8 2014

Greetings My Friend,
"Today is the first day of the rest of my life." "I know the plans I have for you, the plans to
prosper you and not harm you." "Faith, hope, love, the greatest of these is love." These things
help me do life. I thrive on little sayings. I also tend to share them on FB as I run across them.
I have many friends share what I share on their FB page as well.
I sense that many people tend to need to use sayings to help them do day to day life. Many people
don't seem interested in sayings. I find that we all tend to find strength and comfort in our own
special way.
At the hospital recently I was given a warmed up blanket. At home I tend to sit with a blanket over me
summer and winter. Blankets are a comfort to me. When life is too full or even scary I find that a blanket
will settle me down. My fur children tend to settle me as well. We all find those little security things
so we can face life in general.
I've come to think of God in that way as well. He is my comforter and my strength each day anymore. I've found
that He likes the things I do and I strive to make Him happy each day all day. As I learn to trust God to
rely on God I find that I can face life even when it is real scary.
As I layed in the hospital bed recently I found myself talking to God asking for strength and courage for whatever
the diagnosis was. I asked for strength as I was poked mutiple times with a needle that did not feel real good.
As I went moment by moment I found a deep hug on me. I found myself handling the situation and I did not feel
panicky. That felt real nice.
Junior's back was bothering him and he was getting real sleepy while waiting in the ER. He went to the car to take
a nap. In the meantime the Doctor came in to see me after a few hours that is. He wanted to admit me so I could get
a stress test the next day. Junior was outside and I was being moved. Panic wanted to settle in. It did not though
because I told the doctor where Junior was. The doctor had a security guard come in and get the information on our
car and such. He went out knocked on the window and Junior came in.
The old Janet would have panicked. I would have worried the whole situation to death to find out it wasn't that
big of a problem. Now I prayed and I asked and it worked out just fine. Junior got the rest he needed and I was
being taken care of. He came in and I told him the news. Since it was real late he went on home and I went to my
room.
When the doctor came to me the next morning we discussed that I was to have a stress test and then more than likely
I'd be released. I called Junior with the information and the estimated release time. He came to get me at that point.
I was glad he did not come earlier because I was in and out of my room quite a bit. I was glad when he showed up to
pick me up and we waited 3 hours more for me to be released. He was there when I needed him and that was nice.
It is tiring when a loved one is in the hospital. It takes a lot of energy to keep the fires at home going, to go to
the hospital and visit the sick loved one. Many times the sick loved one isn't feeling good so they are sleeping a lot.
I find I am happy when Junior stops by for a visit. I don't expect him to stay all day long at my side as well. Knowing
he is taking care of the house, the fur children and such brings comfort to me.
I am gratefull for a smart phone because I can look online from time to time. I watch a lot of TV and of course the
hospital staff tends to want to do blood work, take my vitals and such. Between naps, the cell phone, TV and the hospital
staff poking at me I don't mind that Junior is not at my side all day long.
I do like his visits though. His visits tell me that I matter. He sometimes will intercede for me as well. He will
ask the nurse for a snack for me. He will get the nurse if something is wrong. I do have the call button but when
Junior is around and helping I feel wanted. I don't need him all day long though.
Soon the hospital visit is done with and I am on my way home. At home it usually takes me a day or two to get back into
the swing of things. My routines are a comfort for me as I re-enter into them. I know when I am feeling stronger by how
many of my routines I am doing.
I find myself talking to God more as I am alone a lot. I find comfort and strength as I talk to God. It was hard for me
to pray but as I tried to fall asleep I attempted to walk through my prayers. I fell asleep in the middle of some of
them. I started over and over as I forgot what I'd asked for earlier. In all of that though I felt God's gentle hand
on me and panic was not ruling me.
The Scripture that says "I will not leave you or forsake you" comes to mind and in that I relax and roll with the
whole situation.
Where is your strength?
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet

February 6 2014

February 6 2014
Greetings My Friend,
I got home last night after an overnight visit to the ER. On Sunday I had
chest pain that would not go away so I thought it best to go get it checked
out. I was admitted to the hospital. Several EKG's and a stress test later I
found out that I did not have heart problems.
It appears that I do have stomach issues that was causing the pain in my chest. So I
will have this checked out as well. I attemtpted to keep my hope in God and tried to
allow the process to take shape as it will.
That is one of my prayers lately, "Your will, Lord" and then I ask "Give me the courage and
strength to handle what is coming my way." I know on my own I'd like to be a big baby. As I
kept having needles stuck into me I wanted to be a baby for sure. I have little veins so the
process is trying at times. It took three attempts to find a vein for the IV.
I know if I chatter during the process I won't be a big baby. I tell the person that is working
on me that my chatter is more for me and please excuse my constant babbling. They tend to giggle
at my comment. If it is rather painful I may say "cuss words" not using real ones but that phrase. In
that I am letting them know it hurts real bad. They begin to offer soothing words and we both get
through the moment.
The staff was real nice with me. They were patient as I was woke up and tired to figure out what they
needed from me. The people out here are so nice. I rarely get a cranky person. It amazes me to no end.
Their gentle words and ways speaks volumes to my heart.
My sleep was not good that night. First the pain kept me awake and sometimes as the pain subsided I would
find myself falling asleep. I finally got some medicine that quieted the pain down and then I was being woke
up for lab work and such. Later in the day I had a stress test done. I found myself falling asleep on and off
during the day.
When we got home I Went to bed and I slept all night. I slept 11 hours I was that tired. I woke up refreshed and
I was once again back to being "me." At this point I am working hard to stay warm. The temps have dropped to barely
in the single digits during the day so the heater is working overtime to keep the house at a decent temperature.We
have heaters helping the main heater. To add to this our water pipes are frozen, not the ones in the house but the
ones to the house. Junior is getting snow and melting it on the kerosene heater and the wood burner so we can wash
our hands, flush the toilet and such.
We have been drinking bottled water so that part is not too bad which gives us water to make coffee. All the fur children
are hanging out inside and only go outside for a bathroom visit. They snuggle on us to warm themselves up as well as warm
us up. It is precious.
At times like this I marvel at the spirit of "getting through the moment" I have. I marvel that I will survive so to speak
to tell the story in future years and I know again that I am a survivor. I am glad we aren't in MI as well because it is
even colder there than here. I also think all those "camping" experiences come into play as well.
Another thought comes to me. On FB I see a picture of a road cleared in Canada. The snow is several feet high at the side
of the road, more than out here and more than in MI. The thought that runs through my mind is "it is not greener" on the
other side of the road. It is different and many times what I am dealing with isn't as bad as what the next person is dealing
with.
I know my own struggles and I feel safe working through them. I often find myself gratefull that I am not struggling through the
next person's struggle. As I ponder this even more I find that we all have struggles in life. We all have moments of great
joy. To get through this life we will face a struggle or two. (even many more)
As I think on this some more it is when I get to the other side of a struggle that I look back and I marvel at what I was
able to walk through. For me I know I did not do it on my own but God has guided my steps. In my way of thinking God placed
camping on my heart years ago. As I learned how to cook over an open fire, to bring water for the week and such I begin
to see that those experiences have taught me how to deal with power outages and the like.
I also know that in short order the cold will lighten up and that life will be winter again. Spring will follow the winter and
summer will follow spring. Those moments are "hope" for me. I know that this will not last forever. During the warm season I
will soak up the warmth and enjoy it. I will also have moments during the warm weather. It may get extra hot for a few days. I
will find that hard to deal with. I will learn how to work through even this.
Now my thoughts turn to the end of life. In the end I will know that I lived life and lived it the best I could. I will know
moments I tried to do it on my own and failed. I will know moments where I trusted God to get me through the rough spots and
moments when God rejoiced right along side of me.
I have "hope" and that means I know that I know that the end will come and then I will be on another journey as I leave this
world. My "hope" is eternity with God. That is what often gets me through the harsh realities of life. That never ending journey
appeals to me. I sometimes wonder what will etertnity will be like and then I begin to trust that it will be wonderful
even if I don't know what is in store.
My heart breaks for the folks who do not accept the "hope" Jesus has brought us. Their eternity is not going to be so
wonderful. It will be painfull. I decide again to attempt to pass on the "hope" I have. I don't want to be over bearing
but I also don't want to be told "why didn't you tell me?"
Where is your hope? Do you believe in "life after death?" I do.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet

February 4 2014

February 4 2014
Greetings My Friend,
It is so cold outside that the heat in the house struggles to stay warm. Daisy sits
in front of the heater, moves for a moment and Cinnamon is quick to sit right in front
of the heater.Mindy is on my lap as I write and I feel her warmth.
My neck is screaming at me. I try to put my head back in the chair to rest it. I feel a
little tension leave. I realize the tension is from the cold and this time the cold is
settling in my neck. I guess I am glad that I only tend to get one area that acts up with
the humdity or cold. The last cold spell it was my arm. The one before was my foot.
Yesterday was the first time since Sunday that I went somewhere outside the house. We had a
Lowe's run and a Wal-Mart run. It felt good to get out for a bit. We picked up a seat cover
for my chair in the TV area, a few groceries and a new coat for Mindy. I find that dressing
my two girls up is a lot of fun. At first I could not see me doing this. I thought my days of
dressing up dolls or little girls were over with. Both girls need a coat on to go outside. At
this point I tend to find cute little coats. I can see me dressing them up this summer as well.
Today I made meatloaf for lunch. We eat our main meal at lunch time and a light meal at dinner
time. It works real nice for us. I have worked out how to make chicken and rice in the crock
pot in my mind and I have chicken thawing to give that a try.
I make a lot of meals in the crock pot these days. With our make shift kitchen this has become
my style of cooking choice. Between that and the toaster oven I would say I make the majority
of our meals. I am not big on the hot plate burner. I will use it from time to time but it is
not a choice I make often.
I guess the last five years since retirement have taught me how to be flexible. I have learned to
deal with life when organization can not be had. I have learned to work around tiredness. Instead
of waking up and tackling a work routine I now work here and there all day.
My computer has become my good friend. Sometimes I write, journal etc. Sometimes I am on social media
finding out about other's and their lives. It becomes the "filler" I use when I sit for a spell due
to fatigue. I use it for a spell and then I get up and do again.
I also have started using the internet to find answers to questions I have. Recently I was asking about
my birth defect on line and found some usefull information. This type of reading is sparodic and I tend
to be able to get my reading "fix" these days from my computer.
I have missed sitting down with a good book and letting it become my friend for a period of time. So why
can I concentrate using a computer but not read a book? All I know is it works. It is easy to put down
whatever I am reading and move onto something else easier than a book.
Part of my ADHD ways is the constant re-focusing and the computer tends to fill that void for me. For a few
days I get up and take my L-tyrosine and don't wait to eat breakfast. I hear from friends and Junior that I
am overly fidgety and talkitive again. I guess I will wait the 20 minutes before I eat which is what I shoud
do. It feels the same to me so I am totally unaware of my need to fidget, talk more than usual etc.
I am gratefull for an honest answer to my question about my fidgeting. It was given in love when I asked and now
I can do what will truly work. Take the supplement and wait 20 minutes. When I do this people seem to see a
difference and I am not annoying them.
I marvel again at how much my Doctor out here seems to be able to help me with my health struggles. As I could not
sleep more than a couple of hours at a time she had me do a sleep study. I need to sleep with a CPAP machine
and I am able to sleep 6-8 hours a night now. I do struggle getting to sleep some nights but once I get to
sleep I am out for the night.
I could not shake depression even with counseling which has worked for most of my life. I told my Doctor about
my depression and she put me on medication. Two years into this medication I see such forward movement. I have
walked away from fear. I could not walk away on my own and even in prayer. As I started taking the medication
I have been able to let go of fear.
My last struggle has been the constant fatigue I can't seem to shake. Taking vitamin b 12 has worked wonders for
me and I am functioning more like the woman I have been in the past.....slower but active and engaged again. I can
reason again. I can figure out how to work through un-organization in our home.
I believe down deep in my heart that God has directed "me." I have found answers as I worked through each issue from
doctor's and couselors. I am gratefull for each step that I've taken on this journey back to wholeness. It has been
a real struggle at times and I thought I'd never be "me" again. I am more "me" these days and life could not be
sweeter.
In fact I am a more content "me" these days. I am a thanfull "me" and my thankfullness tends to spill out as I pray
to God. For the first time in my life I am at peace with my past, my fear and my anger. As I settle down in Va I
am amazed at how much I love where we were directed to move. I love this house like I have never loved a home
before. I love our fur children to no end. Mylove for Junior is so much deeper than when I first married him. I never
believed this was possible with my first marriage and now God has shown me how a man and a woman can be best
friends. It is awesome beyond words.
My faith journey to this point has been a lot of hard work. I learned how to forgive. I learned how to admit that I am
a sinner and as I admitted it I began to learn how to walk away from some pretty nasty things in my life. I am thankfull
daily anymore. When I am grumpy I tend to pull out my "thankfullness" thoughts and stay in them until my grumpiness
leaves. I find myself praising God all over the place and even that feels wonderful. I don't question God anymore
about why life needs to be fully focused on Hin and His will. I know that I know that this is what I need to do
and accept it.
I realize again and again that turning my life over to God - "all of me" is good for me. I am able to give God more of
me. Do I give "all of me" yet? I am not sure I do. I'd like to think I do but about the time I think I do I find some
area of resistence. When I see the resistence I tend to ask God for His help and He always does. I am more open to
giving God whatever He asks me to give to Him for sure.
I am thankfull that God has given us a "will". I am also gratefull to learn how to give "all of me" to God as I am able.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet

February 1 2014

February 1 2014

Greetings My Friend,
Lately I can't seem to get to sleep at night. I made it to bed and asleep around 5:00 this
morning. I was back up at 11:00. How do I go from struggling to have energy to being up most
of the night? It dawns on me that it may be time to back off some of the vitamin b 12. So today is the first
day with none and then maybe if I need to I will add back a smaller dose.
The nice part of being awake is I had energy so I did some extra house cleaning while I was awake. That felt
good too. I organized some parts of the TV area that tends to get out of control. I am a basket person so I
place a few more baskets with the clutter in them. It looks a lot neater.
I am again getting anxious with Junior's progress. He is working hard so it is hard to be real mad at him. I
ponder "do you really need to work on that?" Right now he is working on high places for the cats to not have
to come down around the dogs. We have a cat tower that is long. We have another high place for Alex to live in
without ever having to come down. Junior put up a series of boards in the dining room for him to climb around
on.
My heart wants him to get the internet TV up and running. We'd save money not having a cable bill. I want him in
the kitchen working. I want, I want and he does what he does. I learn again and again to accept his work methods.
He will complete his work in his own way. In the meantime I need to be his cheerleader not one to nag him into
giving me what I want. I will get it. He has always completed what he started so I learn to accept Junior and
his work style.
I do like that it is too cold for him to work outside. He is pounding, sawing and right around the corner near
me. That feels nice. He does his thing. I do my thing, clean, write, excercise and we stop once or twice during
the day to chat. It works real nice. Evening time we tend to watch TV and talk. Real nice again.
As I was finally going to bed this morning Junior was getting up for the day. He has many hours up before I get
up for the day. We often tend to live on two different time zones due to our awake times. He is not ready to eat
when I am for obvious reasons. Lately I put something in the crock pot and it is ready when he wants food or when
I want food. It works.
I have made a list and wrote it on the chalk board. It is my attempt to not mention to Junior too many times things
I am looking forward to him accomplishing. It helps me but again I find that anxious feeling inside of me and I want
to gently mention to him a project. I don't though because I don't need to remember that I've already asked that. I
have a tendency to forget that I already asked and the third time he about as irritated as can be. So this is my
attempt to ask once.
With the list I find that he knows what needs to be done. I do find comfort in that so I am able to move on in my
anxiousness. As I move on I find another project to work on. I hang out on the internet and I find a site for my
birth defect. It is a place to ask questions and others answer with how they deal with it or the symptoms. I learn
some new stuff I've been dealing with is very likely my birth defect Chiaria Malformation. My brain stem is growing
into my vertebrae.
I knew my balance issues tend to be the result of this. I learn a few more things like when I strain I tend to get
a nasty headache. It is Chiaria Malformation. I can't seem to focus for long periods. Reading a book or playing computer
games are too difficult to concentrate on. Again I find this is more than likely my birth defect. I begin to
understand "me" a bit better.
At some point I may be wheel chair bound. My question is how long? I try to find an answer but don't. I ask my Chiropractor
and he thinks it may be a good 20 years. I absorb this and think by 80 I might get around faster in a wheel chair anyway.

Junior's back issues also may mean a wheel chair down the road. I think " won't we be cute wheeling around the house togeather."
I want to panic. I worry about how we will be cared for and I hear God gently nudge me and say "I've got this covered." I
relax and quit the panic mode.
With the bitter cold I have been keeping a coat on the two little dogs. To be honest I find myself liking dressing them up
and changing their outfits often. I think I may continue on with this little game this summer. I remember I liked dressing
up my dolls way back when and in a way this fills a need.
I washed Daisy yesterday. I wrapped her up in a towel when I was finished and we snuggled for a good little bit before she
got down and did the shake thing dogs do. I loved that as well. I loved that special closesness. Mindy falls asleep in my
lap most nights and as Junior goes to bed he takes her with him. She sleeps most days until I get up all curled up beside
him and then me. It is precious. Daisy gets up and down with me as I get up and down during the night. There is that prayer
of thankfullness again. Life is sweet. Days and months go by and I feel peace. It is the first time in my life. I have
felt safe with God but God has helped me work out a lot of things since I began this faith journey. Today I feel the
peace again and I am thankfull for each step. I know I will have more struggles in life but again I feel safe and I don't
feel alone.
May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.
Love
Janet