February 1 2014

February 1 2014

Greetings My Friend,
Lately I can't seem to get to sleep at night. I made it to bed and asleep around 5:00 this
morning. I was back up at 11:00. How do I go from struggling to have energy to being up most
of the night? It dawns on me that it may be time to back off some of the vitamin b 12. So today is the first
day with none and then maybe if I need to I will add back a smaller dose.
The nice part of being awake is I had energy so I did some extra house cleaning while I was awake. That felt
good too. I organized some parts of the TV area that tends to get out of control. I am a basket person so I
place a few more baskets with the clutter in them. It looks a lot neater.
I am again getting anxious with Junior's progress. He is working hard so it is hard to be real mad at him. I
ponder "do you really need to work on that?" Right now he is working on high places for the cats to not have
to come down around the dogs. We have a cat tower that is long. We have another high place for Alex to live in
without ever having to come down. Junior put up a series of boards in the dining room for him to climb around
on.
My heart wants him to get the internet TV up and running. We'd save money not having a cable bill. I want him in
the kitchen working. I want, I want and he does what he does. I learn again and again to accept his work methods.
He will complete his work in his own way. In the meantime I need to be his cheerleader not one to nag him into
giving me what I want. I will get it. He has always completed what he started so I learn to accept Junior and
his work style.
I do like that it is too cold for him to work outside. He is pounding, sawing and right around the corner near
me. That feels nice. He does his thing. I do my thing, clean, write, excercise and we stop once or twice during
the day to chat. It works real nice. Evening time we tend to watch TV and talk. Real nice again.
As I was finally going to bed this morning Junior was getting up for the day. He has many hours up before I get
up for the day. We often tend to live on two different time zones due to our awake times. He is not ready to eat
when I am for obvious reasons. Lately I put something in the crock pot and it is ready when he wants food or when
I want food. It works.
I have made a list and wrote it on the chalk board. It is my attempt to not mention to Junior too many times things
I am looking forward to him accomplishing. It helps me but again I find that anxious feeling inside of me and I want
to gently mention to him a project. I don't though because I don't need to remember that I've already asked that. I
have a tendency to forget that I already asked and the third time he about as irritated as can be. So this is my
attempt to ask once.
With the list I find that he knows what needs to be done. I do find comfort in that so I am able to move on in my
anxiousness. As I move on I find another project to work on. I hang out on the internet and I find a site for my
birth defect. It is a place to ask questions and others answer with how they deal with it or the symptoms. I learn
some new stuff I've been dealing with is very likely my birth defect Chiaria Malformation. My brain stem is growing
into my vertebrae.
I knew my balance issues tend to be the result of this. I learn a few more things like when I strain I tend to get
a nasty headache. It is Chiaria Malformation. I can't seem to focus for long periods. Reading a book or playing computer
games are too difficult to concentrate on. Again I find this is more than likely my birth defect. I begin to
understand "me" a bit better.
At some point I may be wheel chair bound. My question is how long? I try to find an answer but don't. I ask my Chiropractor
and he thinks it may be a good 20 years. I absorb this and think by 80 I might get around faster in a wheel chair anyway.

Junior's back issues also may mean a wheel chair down the road. I think " won't we be cute wheeling around the house togeather."
I want to panic. I worry about how we will be cared for and I hear God gently nudge me and say "I've got this covered." I
relax and quit the panic mode.
With the bitter cold I have been keeping a coat on the two little dogs. To be honest I find myself liking dressing them up
and changing their outfits often. I think I may continue on with this little game this summer. I remember I liked dressing
up my dolls way back when and in a way this fills a need.
I washed Daisy yesterday. I wrapped her up in a towel when I was finished and we snuggled for a good little bit before she
got down and did the shake thing dogs do. I loved that as well. I loved that special closesness. Mindy falls asleep in my
lap most nights and as Junior goes to bed he takes her with him. She sleeps most days until I get up all curled up beside
him and then me. It is precious. Daisy gets up and down with me as I get up and down during the night. There is that prayer
of thankfullness again. Life is sweet. Days and months go by and I feel peace. It is the first time in my life. I have
felt safe with God but God has helped me work out a lot of things since I began this faith journey. Today I feel the
peace again and I am thankfull for each step. I know I will have more struggles in life but again I feel safe and I don't
feel alone.
May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.
Love
Janet