February 25 2014

February 25 2014

Greetings My Friend,

My morning wake up and talking to God time is nice. I feel content and alive in the Lord. I am so happy that I have learned to talk to God as I fall asleep and wake up. Many mornings I find myself between wakefulness and sleep. I find myself stretching as the fog of sleep leaves me I feel God near me and I bask in His warmth.

This is a new found moment in my faith journey. Through the years I'd feel God's gentle touch but not like I do today. I feel Him more often than in the past. As I walk closer to God I often sense His nearness. God is always there, I just don't go to Him like I should. I am learning to enter into His realm more often these days.

For me I have felt God's love from the start of this journey. As I developed my walk I have found walls coming down. It has been a process and a journey. Learning to turn to God for all things also is a journey. I had to undo the lesson I learned as a child, “God helps those that help themselves.” I felt I was to try life on my own and God would reward the effort.

As I grow in my faith I learn to lean on God, ask God and listen to God. He wants me to do life His way not my way. I may have good intentions but those intentions could be harmful. I have always loved people down deep in my heart. I have also loved with dysfunction and found myself mired in abuse. When I started this walk I felt God's love and I basked in it.

As I felt God's love I also began to love God and God is teaching me to love in healthy ways. To me Agape love – seek another's highest good is the best way to love. When I look at love this way I begin to quit trying to “get” love and to give love. As I learn to “give” love I find I am entering into healthier relationships. I have a tendency to want to please others at a cost to “me.” I leave “me” out of the dynamics and soon I am wounded and lost and alone. When I seek anothers highest good then I am not begging to be loved at a cost to the other person or myself.

In loving this way I find I am not walking all over another person and they are not walking all over me. To me Agape love has been a wonderful lesson. It is a lesson I tend to work on daily. I try to Agape love Junior, friends, family even strangers. As I Agape love life begins to settle into a wonderful rhythm.

For me routines move me. I need them to help me define my day and life. I also love to have a list of things to check off each day. It is what I need to do life. At times though though this need to check off things can become “legalistic” and that leads to dysfunction. I don't “hear” God and then I once more find I am doing life on my own. I find that I need to move away from my “lists” and talk to God. My night/morning time helps me stay tuned into God and His plans for my life.

I am sure we all have our “legalistic” ways. We don't mean to but we tend to fall into them rather easily and are not always aware that we've entered into them. Again I see how important a constant dialog with God is so important. I also find that God understands and if we are honest with God and ask Him to forgive us I find God directing my steps again.

Each new day, new week, new month and new year tends to find “me” growing more in the Lord. I am not where I was and I am not where I will be and I find comfort in all this. I find “newness” of life and I don't fret that life is passing me by and I am “too old” to change. I am not a child anymore. I am not a young adult or a middle aged adult but I am a senior citizen and that is OK. I go into my older years with gladness knowing that my journey is still on going. I have things to learn, things to give and in that life is full and sweet.

I got my hair cut yesterday. It is a pamper myself moment for me. I get to chat with my hair stylist and hear about her life. I also enter into conversations with the other hair stylist and customers. I enjoy this time a lot. As I was making my appointment for next month I chose a day the other stylist did not work and she said she'd like to see me again. That felt real nice and I changed my day to fit her schedule. As I go to the doctors I find the staff giggling at my antics. They often tell me they enjoy when I come in. I feel wanted and loved. So if there are people in my life that find me to weird, I don't mind God tends to keep putting me in the path of people who enjoy me for being “me.” That feels nice and I begin to quit begging for love. It is handed to me in all sorts of ways and I marvel at God's love for me. He knows what I need.

I love the song “Just give me Jesus.” To me it sums up my needs the best way.

Where is your “need?”

May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.

Love

Janet