February 22 2014

February 22 2014

Greetings My Friend,

Slowly I create the look for Daisy I am comfortable with. I am not a fussy person wanting my looks, my children looks even my animals looks to be fussy. I like the down to earth, peaches and cream style way more than a very manicured style.

Daisy's hair is growing out from the manicured look the groomer gave her. I like her hair longer and now I have the hair on her head pulled up in a top knot since it is short for now. I love the look to be honest and as summer comes I will let this part grow. We will cut her hair fairly short all over for the summer so she will be cool and let it grow for the winter.

Miss Mindy decided to help herself to my bite splint. I tend to take it out if I am up for a bit at night. I got up put the bite splint in it's case on the headboard. Miss Mindy decided to play with it and has chewed an end of it off. Now I have a raw spot on the inside of my mouth due to the end being chewed. I will see if the dentist can fix this.

For the last two days I've been struggling to get into Hoot Suite to load my blog, to tweet and what have you. I am a bit miffed as to how to fix the problem. When I get on I see nothing but lines and I have gone out and back in again, tried a few of the side bar settings and at present I am unsure of what to do next. I don't have a computer person I can call either. Ugh!

Little things are turning into annoying problems and I'd like to get dramatic about them. These days though I keep the drama to myself and don't fuss out loud. I find myself talking to God and as I do answers come I begin to handle each situation. Frankly the drama is fairly much gone and I love it. I just deal with each situation as God enlightens me. I find answers and then move through the struggle. I find life moves on and the struggle tends to be minimal actually.

Now Junior has decided to make a phone call while I am writing and needs to get at my prescriptions so we can get them mailed instead of going to the drugstore. He can't figure out my system so I need to go over and help him out. Again I feel a bit irritated. I get up and help him with no caustic comments and then I go back to my writing again. I am grateful I don't give into my anger and we move on in friendship. The irritation is not a real problem after all.

Mindy finds her way back to my side. Daisy is wandering around with her cute look. I find peace in the moment and all the other struggles are just that a moment of irritation. Junior and I remain friends. Life is sweet and God is good.

Taking each and every situation to God has been a learning process. I still find myself trying to figure life out on my own at times. When I can re-focus and give life to God answers come easier. I also like to stop and think “Would God like what I am doing” often as well. The more I can turn my Whole life over to God, the smoother life is.

Even in the major trials I find God to be my “rock.” I feel intense pain at times like being rejected. As I keep up a constant conversation with God though I find I work through each situation and soon peace reigns.

In the good times anymore I find myself thanking God a whole lot. I find it is a way to stay connected to God all the time. I don't just call out to God in the hard times anymore I even seek Him in the good times. Kind of like marriage or any other relationship I enter into. If you don't connect often then that relationship will begin to fall apart.

The “thankfulness part is so important and has taken me a long time to learn to do and understand. Along with thankfulness I find praising God to be important. The more I praise God the more I find myself respecting God and in awe of Him. It is like my letters to Junior the more I wrote to him and told him what a wonderful guy he is the more I was able to move past his annoying traits only God does not have annoying traits but the more I am in awe the more I love Him.

For the first time in my life I don't live in constant fear. I face each challenge and I see myself moving out of it and calm. The days of feeling my stomach shake are gone. This faith journey walk continues to bring wholeness to my life. I truly don't want to go back to the days of doing life on my own will.

I am thankful to Junior because he has tried to provide a safe environment to live in. I am also in awe of his faith journey. His goal is to be the husband God wants him to be. I love it when Junior says “I don't think God would like that.” That statement alone is awesome to me.

The more I watch Junior walk with the Lord the more comfortable I feel in my faith journey. One of the first lessons I learned watching Junior is that God does not want me to keep feeling bad over my offense. As I watch Junior live life I see he has some not pretty parts to his past. He has moved on from those days and I see a man at peace with his past. As I see this I find myself letting go of my past. I find peace. I see myself growing in the Lord.

From the start of this journey God has made me feel like I matter. As I look back on life I see a woman that was always wanting attention and I would do just about anything to get that attention. These days I still don't mind being the center of attention but it isn't important if I am not. I find Agape love to be the goal of my life – seeking another s highest good.

In seeking another s highest good I learn to not be a “yes” person for the sake of it. At times a “no” is necessary. I don't have to be “people pleaser” to be liked and wanted. As I seek their good I find that people tend to like you when you seek their good. At times I am not liked. These days I remind myself that God loves me and that feels real nice. It is all I truly need God's approval and love. Anymore I am given is icing on the cake.

As I left a longtime relationship and I looked back at that relationship I felt like I had prostituted myself. I kept giving in order to receive love. I thought that was what I needed to do. Junior has taught me not to prostitute myself that I deserve respect. I find myself thanking God for making me feel like I have worth.

Where does your self worth come from?

May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.

Love

Janet