January 30 2014
Greetings My Friend,
B's car broke down and Junior went to rescue her. I was still asleep when the call
came in. They are back now and the car is on the way to the shop. B feels like family
and each time she comes back it feels good.
She has been alone for such a long time that the girl can talk my ear off. Untill I met
B I found that talking was fun. I love her chatter don't get me wrong but all of a sudden
I need some quiet. She is used to both Junior and I tuning her out. We take turns as well
with her chatter.
I often tell her that she is talking "a whole lot." She says she knows it and continues on.
We often giggle. This lady that we thought we'd minister too has become such a good friend
and I miss her when she is not around for a few days.
Mindy wants to be by my side and has jumped up and onto the laptop computer thus messing things
up. I am a bit irritated so I grab her and I ask her if I am in the way. She snuggles down briefly
and jumps down from my lap. She is onto bigger and better things I suppose.
As I write B is whispering to me so Junior can take his nap. She is readjusting all the calanders
she has put up around the house and my brain is trying desperately to think on God and what to
write.
Patience tends to be the theme in my thoughts so I will go with that. At one time I had no patience
and I wanted things and wanted them right then and there. Today for the most part I accept the distractions
that life brings and roll with it. I don't have nasty comments anymore. I find myself letting the
disruption play out and roll with it. At times I find myself giggling as well. I know that B will settle
into the routine of being at the Genson household. I will go about my routines and we will enjoy each other
for the next few days untill she goes home again.
B will tell me she plans on making a pie, some beans and other things. She may or may not. Sometimes I tell
her don't tell me just do it. She laughs and says she has too. So I let B say what she needs to and I move
on.
As she has been around for a bit she is starting to settle down and my thoughts are now coming more clearly. Did
I say I love this woman? She is a friend for sure. Both Junior and I look forward to her visits. So we started off
trying to give a helping hand to this woman. We still do many days. We don't give money generally but we give hertime, a vechile to run to town on our end of town since her car doesn't go fSar. We give her a job of watching our
fur children when we go out of town. We give her a home to hang out in. Her home is not in the greatest of shape
so ours is a more comfortable place for a bit for her.
Again I notice ministry is a moment by moment thing. I am being a friend to B. She often tells people she prayed for
me. I showed up on the scene when she needed a friend. Did I know she needed a friend? No I did not but in the process
I've gained a friend. It is precious to me. I am gratefull to God that I listened to Him and reached out to B when
her son started helping Junior out.
As I have struggled to find my niche here in VA she has stepped beside me. There have been conversations we've had about
abuse. She understands my struggle because she has been abused. Because of her patience and listening ear I have been
able to work through some hard moments. She encouraged me to try medication when I realized I wasn't able to let go
of fear.
She has also helped me keep this house up when I had little or no energy. She gives me girlfriend chatter when Junior is tired
of hearing my chatter. B is truly a friend. When we do errands togeather we have a good time. We feed off of each other and
have a way about us that makes people laugh.
I think that is another lesson I've learned about ministry. I have learned that many times when I reach out to help another
that person tends to "help" me in some small way. About this time I also see the friends that I have from my faith walk tend
to be from all kinds of walks in life. I marvel at the close feelings I have with other believers. We may be from different
walks of life but we share Jesus in an intamite way. B is a believer and attempts to walk close to Jesus.
Are you listening to God or man?
May God bless you and keep make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
January 28 2014
January 28 2014
Greetings My Friend,
I've gone through my writing time, Bible time, prayer time and a bit of housework. It is time to
catch Dr. Phil on TV and begin my evening TV time. Dr. Phil is not on today due a game instead.
So I think about writing another blog....maybe another bit of housework etc. I will catch the news
at 5:00 and start my evening at that point.
I had a talk with P and I felt like I was the mother with all the advice. I wasn't liking "me" but I
also knew she needed to "hear" what I was telling her. It is a struggle I've been dealing with so I must say
I feel her struggle in a deep way.
We both have been active women in our younger days. P is way more involved than I am at present. The church
knew P because as she visited back home this was the family church. They knew her abilities and have asked
her to fill in, be the leader and such. I love when I am asked to do things so I feel the tug on her.
Her Dad is 86 and has lost the use of his legs. As he becomes more handicapped P needs to fill in for Dad at
home etc. Her husband is in the first stages of Parkinsons and is needing her support. To top it off she has
fibromaylgia and a host of other problems. She had knee surgery a few weeks ago as well so she needs to take
time to heal.
She and I both have burned the candle at both ends and also at times in the middle. Now that we are in our
60's we find we flat out "can't" anymore. We want to and we long to but our bodies continue to remind us that
we "can't". It hurts to have to say "no" to a need within the church. I long for the days of working with the
youth, re-marriage classes I helped with and the like. She is in the choir, the praise choir, a teacher, the
women's mission leader and more that I can't recall. She needs to slow down. It is taking a toll on her health.
Part of me also sees that as we step back we open the door to a younger generation to come alongside us and
learn the lessons we have learned so that they and their children will have an example to follow. God's message
from Christ is a good 2,000 years old. From Adam and Eve it appears to be another 5,000 years old approxiamtely.
I marvel that generation after generation has had the message given to them. It has happened because God taught
way back in the Old Testament to teach our children as we walk along the road, as we live at home and the like.
That fact alone amazes me that God's message has been passed down from generation to generation. It has never
gone the way of say the Roman Empire. It was once a mighty nation and then it was gone after a few hundred years
or so.
I remember watching my mother-in-law care for her Dad in his older years. Her husband had retired and the two of
them went to his house regularly. They cleaned, made him food, took him to the doctor's and such. I watched my
mother-in-law care for her husband as he died as well. She was near, comforting and doing for him. I watched her
and when Dad had cancer I began my journey to help in his care. Same for Mom. Even Grandma was important to me
to help where I could.
I don't know why but with both Mom and Dad I was at their side holding them when they took their last breath. I was
sad but also gratefull to be there as well. Our lives were not pleasant at times. Dad was abusive and Mom often
looked in the other direction as Dad beat the daylights out of us for the smallest infraction. I have had a lot
of anger but in the end I was glad I was near them and we worked out many of our differences. It took a lot of
work at times but I did it.
God has had to help me even after their death to deal with anger issues steming from those childhood years. God
has helped me to be at peace. I had to learn how to parent my children because my up bringing did not train me
for that job. I read everything I could, I took a few college classes on child behavior and I went through years
of counseling. At times I was not a great parent and at other times I was spot on. In the end I know I tried and
that is all I could do.
With my children's generation of children it appears that abuse has left the family line. I feel like I played a part
in removing that horrid stigma from our family line. My children had much misery and I can't take that away. At
present I keep talking to God and allowing God to direct the changes I need to make. I am always sad but a faith
journey is just that a journey and I have grown. It is all I can do.
Gone are days of beating myself up over the fact that such ugliness reigned in our home. I mourn even now but I mourn
for a bit and then I blink and begin a new once more. I have introduced Jesus to my children. First I took them to
church and then as I began this journey I tried to be the Bible they may not have read. I try to live my faith
day in and day out.
Part of that has also been moments where I fell down. God picked me up showed me how to get on track again and I
have done it. I am still not perfect but I accept "me" and the crud of my life and I now live in the hope of
Jesus. If other's can't accept me then or now I need to let it pass. God gives me the reason to get up and go.
I sense a deep hurt is inside of my daughter. She pulls away from me, from her brother, her Dad and now she is
pulling away from her daughter. I am sad beyond words. I can't take the hurt that she has in her away. I do pray
daily for her, her daughter. She is never far from my thoughts but I also know that I must move on. Crying all
the time, waiting for her to return seems to do no good. So I long for the day where we will ultimately forgive
each other and become friends. It is all I can do at this point.
As I wait for her to return I continue to open my heart to God, I continue to place her in God's hands and then I
live day to day for the Lord. It is all I can do and in that my life has direction and meaning and a purpose.
The older generation must teach the younger generation. I am doing what I know best for those I am in relationship
with. I give comfort to other parents that have this tremdous loss. I give a child comfort at times and I find
ministry in writing, in giving of my means. It is not the "at church" business I once knew. Hopefully the
younger people are watching and God's message goes on for another generation.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
I've gone through my writing time, Bible time, prayer time and a bit of housework. It is time to
catch Dr. Phil on TV and begin my evening TV time. Dr. Phil is not on today due a game instead.
So I think about writing another blog....maybe another bit of housework etc. I will catch the news
at 5:00 and start my evening at that point.
I had a talk with P and I felt like I was the mother with all the advice. I wasn't liking "me" but I
also knew she needed to "hear" what I was telling her. It is a struggle I've been dealing with so I must say
I feel her struggle in a deep way.
We both have been active women in our younger days. P is way more involved than I am at present. The church
knew P because as she visited back home this was the family church. They knew her abilities and have asked
her to fill in, be the leader and such. I love when I am asked to do things so I feel the tug on her.
Her Dad is 86 and has lost the use of his legs. As he becomes more handicapped P needs to fill in for Dad at
home etc. Her husband is in the first stages of Parkinsons and is needing her support. To top it off she has
fibromaylgia and a host of other problems. She had knee surgery a few weeks ago as well so she needs to take
time to heal.
She and I both have burned the candle at both ends and also at times in the middle. Now that we are in our
60's we find we flat out "can't" anymore. We want to and we long to but our bodies continue to remind us that
we "can't". It hurts to have to say "no" to a need within the church. I long for the days of working with the
youth, re-marriage classes I helped with and the like. She is in the choir, the praise choir, a teacher, the
women's mission leader and more that I can't recall. She needs to slow down. It is taking a toll on her health.
Part of me also sees that as we step back we open the door to a younger generation to come alongside us and
learn the lessons we have learned so that they and their children will have an example to follow. God's message
from Christ is a good 2,000 years old. From Adam and Eve it appears to be another 5,000 years old approxiamtely.
I marvel that generation after generation has had the message given to them. It has happened because God taught
way back in the Old Testament to teach our children as we walk along the road, as we live at home and the like.
That fact alone amazes me that God's message has been passed down from generation to generation. It has never
gone the way of say the Roman Empire. It was once a mighty nation and then it was gone after a few hundred years
or so.
I remember watching my mother-in-law care for her Dad in his older years. Her husband had retired and the two of
them went to his house regularly. They cleaned, made him food, took him to the doctor's and such. I watched my
mother-in-law care for her husband as he died as well. She was near, comforting and doing for him. I watched her
and when Dad had cancer I began my journey to help in his care. Same for Mom. Even Grandma was important to me
to help where I could.
I don't know why but with both Mom and Dad I was at their side holding them when they took their last breath. I was
sad but also gratefull to be there as well. Our lives were not pleasant at times. Dad was abusive and Mom often
looked in the other direction as Dad beat the daylights out of us for the smallest infraction. I have had a lot
of anger but in the end I was glad I was near them and we worked out many of our differences. It took a lot of
work at times but I did it.
God has had to help me even after their death to deal with anger issues steming from those childhood years. God
has helped me to be at peace. I had to learn how to parent my children because my up bringing did not train me
for that job. I read everything I could, I took a few college classes on child behavior and I went through years
of counseling. At times I was not a great parent and at other times I was spot on. In the end I know I tried and
that is all I could do.
With my children's generation of children it appears that abuse has left the family line. I feel like I played a part
in removing that horrid stigma from our family line. My children had much misery and I can't take that away. At
present I keep talking to God and allowing God to direct the changes I need to make. I am always sad but a faith
journey is just that a journey and I have grown. It is all I can do.
Gone are days of beating myself up over the fact that such ugliness reigned in our home. I mourn even now but I mourn
for a bit and then I blink and begin a new once more. I have introduced Jesus to my children. First I took them to
church and then as I began this journey I tried to be the Bible they may not have read. I try to live my faith
day in and day out.
Part of that has also been moments where I fell down. God picked me up showed me how to get on track again and I
have done it. I am still not perfect but I accept "me" and the crud of my life and I now live in the hope of
Jesus. If other's can't accept me then or now I need to let it pass. God gives me the reason to get up and go.
I sense a deep hurt is inside of my daughter. She pulls away from me, from her brother, her Dad and now she is
pulling away from her daughter. I am sad beyond words. I can't take the hurt that she has in her away. I do pray
daily for her, her daughter. She is never far from my thoughts but I also know that I must move on. Crying all
the time, waiting for her to return seems to do no good. So I long for the day where we will ultimately forgive
each other and become friends. It is all I can do at this point.
As I wait for her to return I continue to open my heart to God, I continue to place her in God's hands and then I
live day to day for the Lord. It is all I can do and in that my life has direction and meaning and a purpose.
The older generation must teach the younger generation. I am doing what I know best for those I am in relationship
with. I give comfort to other parents that have this tremdous loss. I give a child comfort at times and I find
ministry in writing, in giving of my means. It is not the "at church" business I once knew. Hopefully the
younger people are watching and God's message goes on for another generation.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Saturday, January 25, 2014
January 25 2014
January 25 2014
Greetings My Friend,
There it is again. I have that "thankfull" moment with God and again I am amazed that I
feel so content. After a lifetime of abuse and then starting a faith journey with the Lord
I find each and every day to be good.
I started feeling better with the Lord but I have had to walk through many trails to let go
of a lifetime of abuse and anger. From the start of my journey I was gratefull to know that
I never had to be alone again and I have felt hugged, loved and wanted for the first time in
my life.
I am a good 17 years into my faith journey now and for the first time ever I am happy almost
each and every day. I no longer fret that my ex may be out to hurt me in subtle ways. I no
longer worry if my family disowns me or thinks I am daffy. My contentment comes from God.
God keeps teaching me that I am valuable and that I matter very much. He places precious people
in my path that help me along the way. Sometimes these people are stepping beside me showing me
a new way and other times I am stepping beside someone else sharing what I have learned.
As we have settled into our new home state and community I find that life is not so confusing
anymore. I have routines and a purpose to my step each day. Junior continues to love me and I
fall deeper in love with him often.
In many ways Junior has been my teacher and for that I am gratefull. He has not been the most liked
person throughout his life and along the way he learned to lean solely on God. I have been growing
beside Junior and now I can say I am the same way. I love it.
I love that we both are on a faith journey as well. Gone are the days of trying to con my husband into
a faith journey. Gone are the days of trying to figure out how to walk close to God. It is so simple
and at the same time hard.
I think for me I tried too long to please man. I wanted man's approval and many people in my life pointed
out how worthless I was. I believed that lie. I was always striving to be liked, to be the "good" girl. The
harder I stived to be liked the more people pointed out that I was annoying. Then one day God hugged me
like I had never been hugged before. He wiped the tears from my eyes and said "Look up at Me."
When I finally started looking up instead of out I began to finally find that I did matter, I had value and life
began to change. A faith journey is a process and a good part of my process so far has been learning to
lean on God.
I like to "help" out a lot. I remember asking for "help" regarding something going on in my life. As I showered though
I found myself trying to help "God" out. I basically took the struggle back. At one point Junior made me a large
wooden cross. He hung it up with a shelf next to it. On the shelf was a small hammer and small nails. At this point
I began writing my struggle on a piece of paper and then I nailed it on the cross.
As I tried to "help" God out He would remind me that I nailed that to the cross. Slowly I began leaving my struggle
in God's hands. These days I don't need to physcially leave my struggle at the cross, I can give it to God and for
the most part I let it go right then and there.
I also realize that even though I am in a quiet moment of peace that I will have more lessons to learn. I may have some
hard years to work through. I am older. Junior is older so we have bodies that are not doing what they once did. Even so
I find that at this point I am not alone. God will guide me, hold me and help me to reach the next goal.
That brings me peace beyond measure. I look forward to the next phase of ministry God will bring me too. I don't know
what it is but I will enjoy it. Somehow God places on our hearts what we desire to do and then provides a way for us
to do it.
I want to give to God all that I am able. I like that feeling a bunch. In that I feel useful and productive. I have watched
some very ill people go through their struggle. As their bodies declined they found new "work" for God. Some began to
send out notes to others. Some prayed more so for others. I know that until my last breath I will have work and the work
will be what my body can handle. So I can't go on work mission trips anymore. I can write, I can call friends in need and
I find even the smallest thing I do can be an offering to God.
Who will you reach out to today?
May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
There it is again. I have that "thankfull" moment with God and again I am amazed that I
feel so content. After a lifetime of abuse and then starting a faith journey with the Lord
I find each and every day to be good.
I started feeling better with the Lord but I have had to walk through many trails to let go
of a lifetime of abuse and anger. From the start of my journey I was gratefull to know that
I never had to be alone again and I have felt hugged, loved and wanted for the first time in
my life.
I am a good 17 years into my faith journey now and for the first time ever I am happy almost
each and every day. I no longer fret that my ex may be out to hurt me in subtle ways. I no
longer worry if my family disowns me or thinks I am daffy. My contentment comes from God.
God keeps teaching me that I am valuable and that I matter very much. He places precious people
in my path that help me along the way. Sometimes these people are stepping beside me showing me
a new way and other times I am stepping beside someone else sharing what I have learned.
As we have settled into our new home state and community I find that life is not so confusing
anymore. I have routines and a purpose to my step each day. Junior continues to love me and I
fall deeper in love with him often.
In many ways Junior has been my teacher and for that I am gratefull. He has not been the most liked
person throughout his life and along the way he learned to lean solely on God. I have been growing
beside Junior and now I can say I am the same way. I love it.
I love that we both are on a faith journey as well. Gone are the days of trying to con my husband into
a faith journey. Gone are the days of trying to figure out how to walk close to God. It is so simple
and at the same time hard.
I think for me I tried too long to please man. I wanted man's approval and many people in my life pointed
out how worthless I was. I believed that lie. I was always striving to be liked, to be the "good" girl. The
harder I stived to be liked the more people pointed out that I was annoying. Then one day God hugged me
like I had never been hugged before. He wiped the tears from my eyes and said "Look up at Me."
When I finally started looking up instead of out I began to finally find that I did matter, I had value and life
began to change. A faith journey is a process and a good part of my process so far has been learning to
lean on God.
I like to "help" out a lot. I remember asking for "help" regarding something going on in my life. As I showered though
I found myself trying to help "God" out. I basically took the struggle back. At one point Junior made me a large
wooden cross. He hung it up with a shelf next to it. On the shelf was a small hammer and small nails. At this point
I began writing my struggle on a piece of paper and then I nailed it on the cross.
As I tried to "help" God out He would remind me that I nailed that to the cross. Slowly I began leaving my struggle
in God's hands. These days I don't need to physcially leave my struggle at the cross, I can give it to God and for
the most part I let it go right then and there.
I also realize that even though I am in a quiet moment of peace that I will have more lessons to learn. I may have some
hard years to work through. I am older. Junior is older so we have bodies that are not doing what they once did. Even so
I find that at this point I am not alone. God will guide me, hold me and help me to reach the next goal.
That brings me peace beyond measure. I look forward to the next phase of ministry God will bring me too. I don't know
what it is but I will enjoy it. Somehow God places on our hearts what we desire to do and then provides a way for us
to do it.
I want to give to God all that I am able. I like that feeling a bunch. In that I feel useful and productive. I have watched
some very ill people go through their struggle. As their bodies declined they found new "work" for God. Some began to
send out notes to others. Some prayed more so for others. I know that until my last breath I will have work and the work
will be what my body can handle. So I can't go on work mission trips anymore. I can write, I can call friends in need and
I find even the smallest thing I do can be an offering to God.
Who will you reach out to today?
May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.
Love
Janet
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
January 23 2014
January 23 2014
Greetings My Friend,
Here I go again. I love order and right
now we are in the midst of a real cold winter. About now I start
longing for spring. Spring is my favorite time of the year. It to me
is about new beginnings and that thrills me each spring. I love that
life re-news itself once more and all the new growth abounds. New
babies, plants breaking through the earth and color begins to fill
the air.
As I ponder this I begin a series of
thoughts about how orderly life itself is. After winter every year
will be spring and summer is after that. I also see other orderly
things in nature. Day comes after night, a week follows an orderly
amount of days and a month after weeks and finally a year after a
series of months. A baby is born and grows. A young adult will get
older. A child will lose their baby teeth and have adult teeth.
As I watch the green of spring I begin
to see how flowers come and go until fall when winter will take all
color away. If there is no snow then the outside color is muted.
Leaves fall off the trees after a splendid showcase of changing
colors. At this point I marvel at the order of life. God is awesome.
Sometimes when I am in the midst of
turmoil I begin this series of thoughts. I marvel that God is truly
in control. I find comfort in this. Even in the disasters of life
there is order. After a fire new growth appears. Here I go again.
One of the marvels I had as I walked on
my lunch hour in the city of Detroit was walking by old abandoned
buildings. To me I felt God claiming His own again. I saw growth
coming out of the cracks and trees often could be found growing in
the middle of an old building. Again I felt God I sense God saying I
will claim all that is not wanted.
I feel this in my own life. I struggled
so hard to find my way in life. I wanted to be noticed and I did not
feel noticed, wanted or worth much. At the end of myself I gave up
and directed my heart to God. He has been claiming me ever since. I
constantly feel wanted, cherished and of value these days.
One of the phrases I often reflect on
is “I am a child of the King.” That does make me feel special
each time I think about it. As a King's child I can be different and
that is OK. I can march to a different drum. I am accepted for my
unique ways. I love that feeling so much.
As I find my own unique ministry work I
feel OK with what God has given me to do. In the start of this
journey I wanted to be “Billy Graham” or “Joyce Meyers.” I
felt then I'd be accepted loved and wanted. These days I am good with
being a behind the scenes type of girl. I love it to be honest.
I have felt a need to write for most of
my life. I tried for a bit when my children were young. Many years
later I tried again. I had a friend step beside me and help me find
my writing style. Another friend had me help with a newsletter for
our church group. As I retired I entered into my writing journey.
Even in my writing journey I find that
I have grown since I began. At first I told “my” story each
detail. As the years have gone I am able to tell “my” story
without naming names so to speak. A goal early on I felt was a need
to reach out to abused people. I had been abused for over 40 years
and I broke away. I wanted to reach back and let others know that
there is hope and staying in abuse does not mean you deserve it. As I
tried to leave my abuse I was told that my abuse was my fault and I
needed to quit being so annoying.
The divorce came and I finally saw that
no matter how hard I tried to read this man he was going to be angry
with me. As I went in and out of counseling I learned that “NO
One”has a right to hurt me even if I am annoying. So I want to
offer the hope I have. It is Jesus who constantly tells me that I
have worth and even that I am adorable.
I no longer listen to other people's
opinion of who and what I should be. I find myself trying to please
God not on my own but as I am in relationship with Him. As I read the
Bible I learn that God will never have me go against His Word. Next
I am in prayer and the more I pray I find I hear God's direction. As
I do as I hear I find confidence. So in all of this I find order,
God's order. I find comfort in God's design and life may have turmoil
but as in the city I always see God's claim on the unwanted. That to
me is awesome.
Sometimes I tend to find great comfort
in seeing God's order in all things. I also have confidence in the
ministry work God is calling me to. It isn't what I pictured. If I
could not be famous then being a missionary abroad sounded awesome.
God has taken my energy to a point so low I could hardly move out of
my chair. As I went way down and began going back up again I found
comfort in my own unique ministry and that “see me” need is gone.
I write about my faith journey the ups
and downs, the ins and outs and I sense I am where I am supposed to
be. As I go about day to day life and act silly I find a ministry to
take a piece of “harshness” out of a person's day. Sometimes I
make a phone call, write an e-mail and God has called me to reach out
to another person.
I often find that the song Amazing
Grace hits the mark. “I once was lost but now am found, was blind
and now I see.”
May God bless you and keep you make His
face shine on you.
Love
Janet
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
January 21 2014
January 23, 2014
Greetings My Friend,
Today as I write it is Monday. I am fairly much back to normal after the ear infection. I still am
a little plugged and hopefully that too will go away soon. For the most part I am back
to "me." I've swept the floors, made cabbage soup, wrote one blog and another one is in
the making as I write. I've read my Bible and I've prayed along with walked on the excercise
machine. Not bad really.
Junior is working around the house. He has not worked on the kitchen now for a couple of weeks.
I want to get anxious and then I talk to myself and start to pray. I am not upset or anxious. It
is what it is.
Junior does Junior. I do "me" and somehow with God's help we tend to be able to accept each other's
strange ways. I like that feeling a lot especially when I know I am being difficult I know that Junior
will accept me "just the way" I am. So as he accepts me "just the way I am" I learn to accept Junior as
he is. It is a freeing feeling really.
We also know that there is "no out" as well. That tends to make me feel confident and gives me the freedom
to be "me" even when I find myself a bit of a struggle. Junior asked me before he asked me to marry him if I
planned on taking our marriage seriously. At the time I fluffed it off. In my mind was "of course." I was married
for 24 years the first time, so why ask?
As the years have gone on though I find that our commitment to make this marriage work is a blessing. I don't question
Junior's intentions because I know his intentions. That feels free and secure and awesome! There is no giving up on
each other just because we are having a "rough" patch. We keep trying till we get it right.
In the first marriage I tried to love on my own steam. This marriage I love with God's guidance and help. It works so
much better. At times God opens my eyes to Junior in awesome ways. Sometimes God opens Junior's eyes to me. In this
process we tend to forgive more readily and we don't hold on to past hurts.
Junior's work methods are not organized in a way I can understand. I find it hard to follow Junior and be a helpmate.
Part of "me" is so girly girl. I cannot figure out how to handle any type of tools and I am real weak. I am a girly
girl and Junior likes this in me.
With more energy I am able to give Junior a picked up front room, bedroom and bathroom these days. I make meals a few
times a week. He accepts crock pot meals that last for a few days and then I make something else. I can give to my guy
in these ways and he is happy.
He gets that I have Chronic Fatigue and there are days I flat out can't move. With the vitamin b 12 I find more energy but
to be honest my ear infection took me back to sleeping most of the day and barely moving. This week I am once more back
to doing "me."
In all of this Junior is patient with me so as I feel anxious with Junior's work style I also find that I tend to move
into patience with him. Junior has an extremely bad back so he moves as his back will let him. He accepts that I have
a need to stop and sleep or just sit so I find a need to accept his need to stop, sleep etc. It works out and anger is
not something we give into very often.
Yes I want things to move along quicker but I know my guy is giving me all he can at the pace he can. This makes me want
to be patient. As I see him finsh things I marvel at what he has created and then again I find the wait worth the while.
He has an ability to make things just as we need them for our limited abilities.
Before I knew that I had Chronic Fatigue Junior had a tendency to think I was lazy. He told me often that he thought I was
just being lazy. I finally had heard enough and asked him to quit telling me what he thought. As time went on we discovered
I wasn't being lazy but had Chronic Fatigue. As I have learned to deal with this and have gained some energy I do what I
can when I can and sit when I can't only to go again when I can.
These days Junior tends to watch out for me. If we are traveling and touring a bit too much he finds me a place to sit still
for a bit till I have more energy and then we go again. He will stop me sooner to call it day if necessary. I appreciate that
so much. He knows I am doing the best I can and I don't have to defend myself.
I have the same attitude with Junior and his back. I know that his pain level is high and that pain tires him out so I feel
patient with his tiredness and his slower pace. It is what he needs in order to give me the house he wants to give me. He
wants to do the work as well. If that is what he wants then I am his cheerleader.
At first Junior thought that I was being lazy. He was being honest with me. As I had enough and told him to "stop" he did. He
also was paying attention to my struggles and as they unfolded and we had a name for my struggle he let go of the "lazy"
attitude he had. He knows I am being and doing the best I can these days.
Lately it has been the the "being stupid" comments that I needed to quit hearing. He thought I was playing a game of "stupid" with
him when I wasn't. I have had anger issues for a good portion of my life. God has walked me through the anger issues and these
days I have a tendency to "gloss" over those moments that used to make me so mad that I wanted to spit. I am not playing
stupid by any means. I am letting go of a need to react though and now Junior understands why I have the dis-interested
mode going. It is not to appear stupid but to let go of "junk."
As I look at myself I don't play stupid too often at all these days. I will if I feel threatened but beyond that I give
Junior my whole thought on life. I no longer am afraid if I have a different thought than he does. There have been moments
where Junior has come to my way of thinking as I explain myself. That feels awesome so if we have a moment where we
are not on the same page I am no longer afraid.
Junior's comments were said in love. He did not know for a while. When I had enough I told him rather directly that I was not
up to those comments any longer and he quit. He is a gem that way. He will listen to me. I also know that when he has those
hurtfull comments he is trying to seek my highest good. When I tell him enough is enough he stops and he is willing to
look beyond his preconceived ideas. I respect Junior for that. In that I also will strive to seek Junior's highest good and if
that means he moves slow that is ok.
Because Junior is willing to meet me half way I find myself wanting to meet him halfway and we rarely have a fight. We rarely raise
our voices. There are times I have to ask God how to "talk" to Junior and God helps me. I think a life in God, for God and all
His glory is the way to go.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Today as I write it is Monday. I am fairly much back to normal after the ear infection. I still am
a little plugged and hopefully that too will go away soon. For the most part I am back
to "me." I've swept the floors, made cabbage soup, wrote one blog and another one is in
the making as I write. I've read my Bible and I've prayed along with walked on the excercise
machine. Not bad really.
Junior is working around the house. He has not worked on the kitchen now for a couple of weeks.
I want to get anxious and then I talk to myself and start to pray. I am not upset or anxious. It
is what it is.
Junior does Junior. I do "me" and somehow with God's help we tend to be able to accept each other's
strange ways. I like that feeling a lot especially when I know I am being difficult I know that Junior
will accept me "just the way" I am. So as he accepts me "just the way I am" I learn to accept Junior as
he is. It is a freeing feeling really.
We also know that there is "no out" as well. That tends to make me feel confident and gives me the freedom
to be "me" even when I find myself a bit of a struggle. Junior asked me before he asked me to marry him if I
planned on taking our marriage seriously. At the time I fluffed it off. In my mind was "of course." I was married
for 24 years the first time, so why ask?
As the years have gone on though I find that our commitment to make this marriage work is a blessing. I don't question
Junior's intentions because I know his intentions. That feels free and secure and awesome! There is no giving up on
each other just because we are having a "rough" patch. We keep trying till we get it right.
In the first marriage I tried to love on my own steam. This marriage I love with God's guidance and help. It works so
much better. At times God opens my eyes to Junior in awesome ways. Sometimes God opens Junior's eyes to me. In this
process we tend to forgive more readily and we don't hold on to past hurts.
Junior's work methods are not organized in a way I can understand. I find it hard to follow Junior and be a helpmate.
Part of "me" is so girly girl. I cannot figure out how to handle any type of tools and I am real weak. I am a girly
girl and Junior likes this in me.
With more energy I am able to give Junior a picked up front room, bedroom and bathroom these days. I make meals a few
times a week. He accepts crock pot meals that last for a few days and then I make something else. I can give to my guy
in these ways and he is happy.
He gets that I have Chronic Fatigue and there are days I flat out can't move. With the vitamin b 12 I find more energy but
to be honest my ear infection took me back to sleeping most of the day and barely moving. This week I am once more back
to doing "me."
In all of this Junior is patient with me so as I feel anxious with Junior's work style I also find that I tend to move
into patience with him. Junior has an extremely bad back so he moves as his back will let him. He accepts that I have
a need to stop and sleep or just sit so I find a need to accept his need to stop, sleep etc. It works out and anger is
not something we give into very often.
Yes I want things to move along quicker but I know my guy is giving me all he can at the pace he can. This makes me want
to be patient. As I see him finsh things I marvel at what he has created and then again I find the wait worth the while.
He has an ability to make things just as we need them for our limited abilities.
Before I knew that I had Chronic Fatigue Junior had a tendency to think I was lazy. He told me often that he thought I was
just being lazy. I finally had heard enough and asked him to quit telling me what he thought. As time went on we discovered
I wasn't being lazy but had Chronic Fatigue. As I have learned to deal with this and have gained some energy I do what I
can when I can and sit when I can't only to go again when I can.
These days Junior tends to watch out for me. If we are traveling and touring a bit too much he finds me a place to sit still
for a bit till I have more energy and then we go again. He will stop me sooner to call it day if necessary. I appreciate that
so much. He knows I am doing the best I can and I don't have to defend myself.
I have the same attitude with Junior and his back. I know that his pain level is high and that pain tires him out so I feel
patient with his tiredness and his slower pace. It is what he needs in order to give me the house he wants to give me. He
wants to do the work as well. If that is what he wants then I am his cheerleader.
At first Junior thought that I was being lazy. He was being honest with me. As I had enough and told him to "stop" he did. He
also was paying attention to my struggles and as they unfolded and we had a name for my struggle he let go of the "lazy"
attitude he had. He knows I am being and doing the best I can these days.
Lately it has been the the "being stupid" comments that I needed to quit hearing. He thought I was playing a game of "stupid" with
him when I wasn't. I have had anger issues for a good portion of my life. God has walked me through the anger issues and these
days I have a tendency to "gloss" over those moments that used to make me so mad that I wanted to spit. I am not playing
stupid by any means. I am letting go of a need to react though and now Junior understands why I have the dis-interested
mode going. It is not to appear stupid but to let go of "junk."
As I look at myself I don't play stupid too often at all these days. I will if I feel threatened but beyond that I give
Junior my whole thought on life. I no longer am afraid if I have a different thought than he does. There have been moments
where Junior has come to my way of thinking as I explain myself. That feels awesome so if we have a moment where we
are not on the same page I am no longer afraid.
Junior's comments were said in love. He did not know for a while. When I had enough I told him rather directly that I was not
up to those comments any longer and he quit. He is a gem that way. He will listen to me. I also know that when he has those
hurtfull comments he is trying to seek my highest good. When I tell him enough is enough he stops and he is willing to
look beyond his preconceived ideas. I respect Junior for that. In that I also will strive to seek Junior's highest good and if
that means he moves slow that is ok.
Because Junior is willing to meet me half way I find myself wanting to meet him halfway and we rarely have a fight. We rarely raise
our voices. There are times I have to ask God how to "talk" to Junior and God helps me. I think a life in God, for God and all
His glory is the way to go.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Saturday, January 18, 2014
January 18 2014
January 21 2014
Greetings My Friend,
My thoughts tend to be deep in the Word lately. I have finally started to grasp that God is
One. I don't know how I fell into picturing God as one, Jesus as one and The Holy spirit as
a 3rd one. For years though it worked. I always believed they had the same agenda, were
connected somehow but I saw each one seperately.
Our Sunday school lesson recently taught how God is one. I know this but then I don't. It is a
very hard concept. Our lesson again pointed out the God is one. Jesus said "I and the Father are
one." So I "heard" this deeper than usual.
I started praying to the Holy Spirit years ago just to try to "meet" Him, to know Him. It has worked
because I have a deeper understanding of the Holy Spirit's infulunce in my life. Now I am operating on
the idea that I can be three in one. I am a wife, a mother and a grandmother. I have different roles that
I am at different points in my life. That makes sense and I often quoted it to others when in conversation
about "3 in 1." Still I had not fully pulled my own thinking into this concept.
This lesson began to roll around my brain and I believe I have grown into "three in one" thinking. It feels
good to be honest. Now my question tends to be that instead of a prayer time with the Father, then the Son and
finally with the Holy Spirit, I just pray to God. We will see.
I also see using all three would not be unlike me being a wife, a mother and a grandmother. By going to all three
I tend to see the different aspects of God's love, work in my life. At present I have not made up my mind but I
do know that I "get" it better.
Another thought I have been working on is that we are "to go forth and make diciples of all nations." I have a willing
heart to go forth but at times I feel a bit miffed as to what it looks like as well. I am becoming more settled in
not having to blurt out "God/Jesus" in every sentence I speak. I am learning to continue my daily time with God and in
that at times I start to sense when to mention God.
I also know the "hope" I have. I have not one but many stories about how God has helped me face life. As I realize that
I have many "stories" I tend to quiet my mouth down and I find myself waiting and listening for God to direct me more so.
I learn alongside of this that ministry is a moment by moment thing and not a total visible thing for others to see. Yes I
am seen from time to time but more importantly I tend to have a heart for God and my direction is more from God than from
what I want to do and at times to be "seen."
God wants my heart. I can't say one thing and do another. God see's through those "fake" times and it does no good. I strive
to be totally open to God and His ways, not mine. It is hard at times to let go of "me" in the scheme of things but as I
learn to let go I see "me" moving forward and a deeper love growing inside of me.
I am divorced and it was an abusive marriage. I don't hate this man though. These days I don't even live in fear as I have
in the past. I prayed and prayed but the fear would not leave me. I asked God about medication and with medication I am able
to finally leave that marriage where it belongs, in the past.
I still have moments but as I lift them up to God I find myself moving through those moments. Junior has not been in a war for
40 years now and he still has nightmares. Not like he used to but he will at times go back to those days. I realize I will
more than likely have my moments of remembering for the rest of my life. At present though I know I can move past those
moments with God's guidance and help.
I am free finally of the fear that has plagued me. That feels real nice.
I look forward to more lessons this year. Some lesson's will be hard and some will start to make sense. I am growing in the
Lord and that too me is awesome.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
My thoughts tend to be deep in the Word lately. I have finally started to grasp that God is
One. I don't know how I fell into picturing God as one, Jesus as one and The Holy spirit as
a 3rd one. For years though it worked. I always believed they had the same agenda, were
connected somehow but I saw each one seperately.
Our Sunday school lesson recently taught how God is one. I know this but then I don't. It is a
very hard concept. Our lesson again pointed out the God is one. Jesus said "I and the Father are
one." So I "heard" this deeper than usual.
I started praying to the Holy Spirit years ago just to try to "meet" Him, to know Him. It has worked
because I have a deeper understanding of the Holy Spirit's infulunce in my life. Now I am operating on
the idea that I can be three in one. I am a wife, a mother and a grandmother. I have different roles that
I am at different points in my life. That makes sense and I often quoted it to others when in conversation
about "3 in 1." Still I had not fully pulled my own thinking into this concept.
This lesson began to roll around my brain and I believe I have grown into "three in one" thinking. It feels
good to be honest. Now my question tends to be that instead of a prayer time with the Father, then the Son and
finally with the Holy Spirit, I just pray to God. We will see.
I also see using all three would not be unlike me being a wife, a mother and a grandmother. By going to all three
I tend to see the different aspects of God's love, work in my life. At present I have not made up my mind but I
do know that I "get" it better.
Another thought I have been working on is that we are "to go forth and make diciples of all nations." I have a willing
heart to go forth but at times I feel a bit miffed as to what it looks like as well. I am becoming more settled in
not having to blurt out "God/Jesus" in every sentence I speak. I am learning to continue my daily time with God and in
that at times I start to sense when to mention God.
I also know the "hope" I have. I have not one but many stories about how God has helped me face life. As I realize that
I have many "stories" I tend to quiet my mouth down and I find myself waiting and listening for God to direct me more so.
I learn alongside of this that ministry is a moment by moment thing and not a total visible thing for others to see. Yes I
am seen from time to time but more importantly I tend to have a heart for God and my direction is more from God than from
what I want to do and at times to be "seen."
God wants my heart. I can't say one thing and do another. God see's through those "fake" times and it does no good. I strive
to be totally open to God and His ways, not mine. It is hard at times to let go of "me" in the scheme of things but as I
learn to let go I see "me" moving forward and a deeper love growing inside of me.
I am divorced and it was an abusive marriage. I don't hate this man though. These days I don't even live in fear as I have
in the past. I prayed and prayed but the fear would not leave me. I asked God about medication and with medication I am able
to finally leave that marriage where it belongs, in the past.
I still have moments but as I lift them up to God I find myself moving through those moments. Junior has not been in a war for
40 years now and he still has nightmares. Not like he used to but he will at times go back to those days. I realize I will
more than likely have my moments of remembering for the rest of my life. At present though I know I can move past those
moments with God's guidance and help.
I am free finally of the fear that has plagued me. That feels real nice.
I look forward to more lessons this year. Some lesson's will be hard and some will start to make sense. I am growing in the
Lord and that too me is awesome.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Thursday, January 16, 2014
January 16 2014
January 16 2014
Greetings My Friend,
For the longest time I kept "hearing" God say "I am the God of Abraham, Isaac and
Jacob." I saw it often as I read that day's reading in the Word. It kept popping
out at me. I began praying telling God that He is the "God of Abraham, Isaac and
Jacob." I pray that right after I pray that God is the only true God. The Bible
teaches me there is no other God but "the God of Abraham, Iaasic and Jacob."
These days I still see these words but they don't pop out at me like they did for a
long while. I still feel the same tug of who God is and the lineage He wants me to
follow though.
At first I thought God wanted me to spread this message somehow. Lately I realize that I
can be taken in by many different thoughts and this keeps me centered on God of the Bible
and I don't tend to listen to any other God. It helps me stay focused. I am gratefull.
These days I am hearing "Jesus is the way the truth and the light and no ones comes to the
Father except through Jesus." that is a little paraphrased but for me it is enlightening. I
again learn to keep my focus on Jesus as being the only way I can enter into a relationship
with God and to receive eternal life.
For the longest time I only had one passage that kept playing out in my mind. These days I tend
to keep running across Scripture that tells me "Jesus" only. I find myself in awe and once more
wraping my brain around the truth of Scripture in the Bible.
I tend to want to mingle different religous thoughts from other religons into my Christian faith. As
I toy with those thoughts though God once more opens my eyes to Him, His way, His truth. I am gratefull
for God's gentle hand on me.
I also find God pointing Scripture to me as I think. Right now I am thinking on the one in James that tells
me to not be like a ship on the sea with the wind blowing it at will. Again I don't have the exact words but
I have the thought that God does not want me to be tossed around willy nilly. He wants me to be firm in what
I believe.
Go forth and make Disciples of all nations" tends to play around in my thoughts as well. I believe that God does
not want me to believe in Him and keep it to myself. I must proclaim His Good News. I am not sure how to do this
at times. For the longest time I felt that each encounter with people meant I said "God, Jesus" as often as I could
and that was giving the Good News.
My FB and Twitter stuff tends to want to point people to Jesus. I send off quotes, pictures etc. My blog is an attempt
to be open in my faith journey and share the deepest thoughts I have. I am silly. I love being silly. I can get a
roomfull of people giggling in no time. Sometimes Junior and I play off of each other in acting silly. I have begun
to think that is a ministry I have is being silly. I have had many sales people tell me that they appreciate my antics.
I used to work in a toy store and people can get a bit cranky at times. My anitics is a way to lighten their load
for a bit.
As I learn to stay home more and to sit more I find myself seeing that ministry is a day to day way of life. It isn't
about "talking" God every other minute. It is about how I love Junior, my children and grandchildren. It is the way
I reach out to a neighbor or to a person that is struggling.
I don't need to be "on" constantly. I do need to be in connection with God often so that I sense His will at any given
moment. If I am not talking to God, reading the Bible then I am not "hearing" God. It is in the quiet moments I begin
to hear God. So I have been a fidgety hyper active person for most of my life. Since cancer 9 years ago I find myself
moving slower and slower. I could be angry at this but I am not. I am gratefull. In the slowing down I am hearing God
more and more. I can do what God wants me to do with more confidence.
Two verses that stick out are "For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son so that who ever believes in
Him shall not perish but have eternal life." and "Go forth and make diciples of every nation." These two scriptures passages
are the main ones I have strived to live for now for over a decade. I even have them memorized which is a hard thing for
me to do. These two have stuck. I believe them with all my being.
Y
These days though I am learning of other passages that point the way to eternal life is only through Jesus. Many other
religons feel that the Christian religon is aggroant. Our religon is the only one that states for a fact that Jesus is
God and God is Jesus and the only way to God is to believe in Jesus. If we believe then we must go out and do what we
"hear" God teaching us.
I believe the Bible. I believe Jesus is "the way, the truth and the light." If I believe this then I need to act like
I truly believe this and that includes offering the hope I have. I am willing to "tell." It is not always received and
as the years go on I am not upset. I like the seed planting thought. I plant the seed, the Word of God the best I know
how. God waters the seed and at the right moment a person will "hear" the Word and will accept.
Many seeds may need to be planted before it bursts forth out of the ground. So I seek God's direction and go about living
my life the best I can as if God is my God. The more I walk with God the less mess ups I make. I believe that I am "a new
creation in Christ." I am being made over moment by moment. Some days I do real good. Sometimes I mess up but I get back
up from that fall and start all over again. Years down the road I see where I once was and where I am and I even know
that in the future I will be more so. I find peace and begin to accept myself for the person I am being created to be
in the Lord.
Where is your faith journey leading you? Closer to God or away from Him?
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
For the longest time I kept "hearing" God say "I am the God of Abraham, Isaac and
Jacob." I saw it often as I read that day's reading in the Word. It kept popping
out at me. I began praying telling God that He is the "God of Abraham, Isaac and
Jacob." I pray that right after I pray that God is the only true God. The Bible
teaches me there is no other God but "the God of Abraham, Iaasic and Jacob."
These days I still see these words but they don't pop out at me like they did for a
long while. I still feel the same tug of who God is and the lineage He wants me to
follow though.
At first I thought God wanted me to spread this message somehow. Lately I realize that I
can be taken in by many different thoughts and this keeps me centered on God of the Bible
and I don't tend to listen to any other God. It helps me stay focused. I am gratefull.
These days I am hearing "Jesus is the way the truth and the light and no ones comes to the
Father except through Jesus." that is a little paraphrased but for me it is enlightening. I
again learn to keep my focus on Jesus as being the only way I can enter into a relationship
with God and to receive eternal life.
For the longest time I only had one passage that kept playing out in my mind. These days I tend
to keep running across Scripture that tells me "Jesus" only. I find myself in awe and once more
wraping my brain around the truth of Scripture in the Bible.
I tend to want to mingle different religous thoughts from other religons into my Christian faith. As
I toy with those thoughts though God once more opens my eyes to Him, His way, His truth. I am gratefull
for God's gentle hand on me.
I also find God pointing Scripture to me as I think. Right now I am thinking on the one in James that tells
me to not be like a ship on the sea with the wind blowing it at will. Again I don't have the exact words but
I have the thought that God does not want me to be tossed around willy nilly. He wants me to be firm in what
I believe.
Go forth and make Disciples of all nations" tends to play around in my thoughts as well. I believe that God does
not want me to believe in Him and keep it to myself. I must proclaim His Good News. I am not sure how to do this
at times. For the longest time I felt that each encounter with people meant I said "God, Jesus" as often as I could
and that was giving the Good News.
My FB and Twitter stuff tends to want to point people to Jesus. I send off quotes, pictures etc. My blog is an attempt
to be open in my faith journey and share the deepest thoughts I have. I am silly. I love being silly. I can get a
roomfull of people giggling in no time. Sometimes Junior and I play off of each other in acting silly. I have begun
to think that is a ministry I have is being silly. I have had many sales people tell me that they appreciate my antics.
I used to work in a toy store and people can get a bit cranky at times. My anitics is a way to lighten their load
for a bit.
As I learn to stay home more and to sit more I find myself seeing that ministry is a day to day way of life. It isn't
about "talking" God every other minute. It is about how I love Junior, my children and grandchildren. It is the way
I reach out to a neighbor or to a person that is struggling.
I don't need to be "on" constantly. I do need to be in connection with God often so that I sense His will at any given
moment. If I am not talking to God, reading the Bible then I am not "hearing" God. It is in the quiet moments I begin
to hear God. So I have been a fidgety hyper active person for most of my life. Since cancer 9 years ago I find myself
moving slower and slower. I could be angry at this but I am not. I am gratefull. In the slowing down I am hearing God
more and more. I can do what God wants me to do with more confidence.
Two verses that stick out are "For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son so that who ever believes in
Him shall not perish but have eternal life." and "Go forth and make diciples of every nation." These two scriptures passages
are the main ones I have strived to live for now for over a decade. I even have them memorized which is a hard thing for
me to do. These two have stuck. I believe them with all my being.
Y
These days though I am learning of other passages that point the way to eternal life is only through Jesus. Many other
religons feel that the Christian religon is aggroant. Our religon is the only one that states for a fact that Jesus is
God and God is Jesus and the only way to God is to believe in Jesus. If we believe then we must go out and do what we
"hear" God teaching us.
I believe the Bible. I believe Jesus is "the way, the truth and the light." If I believe this then I need to act like
I truly believe this and that includes offering the hope I have. I am willing to "tell." It is not always received and
as the years go on I am not upset. I like the seed planting thought. I plant the seed, the Word of God the best I know
how. God waters the seed and at the right moment a person will "hear" the Word and will accept.
Many seeds may need to be planted before it bursts forth out of the ground. So I seek God's direction and go about living
my life the best I can as if God is my God. The more I walk with God the less mess ups I make. I believe that I am "a new
creation in Christ." I am being made over moment by moment. Some days I do real good. Sometimes I mess up but I get back
up from that fall and start all over again. Years down the road I see where I once was and where I am and I even know
that in the future I will be more so. I find peace and begin to accept myself for the person I am being created to be
in the Lord.
Where is your faith journey leading you? Closer to God or away from Him?
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
January 14 2014
January 14 2013
Greetings My Friend,
As this year begins I find myself reading the Bible through for another year. I read
a few devotions from on line, I read my Sunday school study and find ways to keep learning
and growing in God's Word.
My brain feels challanged, I find that the more I immerse myself in God's life that the things
of this world aren't as important as they once were. I no longer need status symbols to show my
worth because God gives me my worth and frankly that feels real nice.
Junior has always been a thrift store shopper. As a young person he was so poor that having meat
was a luxuary. He learned to get by with what he had. As I married Junior I began to learn how
to thrift store shop and these days a good portion of my clothes come from thrift stores. We even
find furniture and the like to use within our home.
I am also a dollar store shopper these days. Malls aren't close by so the dollar store is my source
of shopping many days. I love walking up to the counter will an arm load of stuff and paying only $20
for it all. It is fun.
We have what we need in life. At our age we have collected a home's worth of stuff plus. We truly don't
need much like when we were younger and supporting our family. Once we get something these days it may
be months or years before we need that thing again. I still like to shop from time to time though so these
cheaper shopping outlets will feed the need to shop urge. It works.
The lesson I keep learning in learning how to wear slightly used clothes is that a name brand is only so
good for so long and then it is cast off. By learning to wear thrift store clothes I find myself walking
away from the need to impress. It has been a sobering lesson at this point though I don't mind.
On my own I think I would have found Junior to be a bit too much. With my prayers asking God to teach me
to be the woman Junior needs and a major part of my prayer is "open my eyes and heart to Junior" I would
have grown tired of this man. Each time God reveals Junior's heart to me though I find myself falling in
love with Junior. I find I don't really care if he seems strange to the people around me. I know Junior
only wants what God wants and my heart tends to re-foucus on Junior in a deeper way.
I have always been concerned with my looks and these days I find that if I am beautiful to Junior that is
truly all I care about. Junior's likes in women are older than my own likes. He is older and I am 7 years
younger so I tend to be more like a sixties child where he is more of a 50's child. As I continue to seek
Junior's best I tend to want to be what he likes in looks more than what I want. I am still me don't get
me wrong. Polishing my nails often is too tedious and I can't commit to it. Curling my hair is too much
work and I can't. I can get a perm with partialy curly hair and all I do is wash and wear it....that I can
give to Junior.He likes it and I am able to do this.
So more and more I find contentment in God and God teaches me what I truly need and in that life is full and
rich. Yup I like that.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
As this year begins I find myself reading the Bible through for another year. I read
a few devotions from on line, I read my Sunday school study and find ways to keep learning
and growing in God's Word.
My brain feels challanged, I find that the more I immerse myself in God's life that the things
of this world aren't as important as they once were. I no longer need status symbols to show my
worth because God gives me my worth and frankly that feels real nice.
Junior has always been a thrift store shopper. As a young person he was so poor that having meat
was a luxuary. He learned to get by with what he had. As I married Junior I began to learn how
to thrift store shop and these days a good portion of my clothes come from thrift stores. We even
find furniture and the like to use within our home.
I am also a dollar store shopper these days. Malls aren't close by so the dollar store is my source
of shopping many days. I love walking up to the counter will an arm load of stuff and paying only $20
for it all. It is fun.
We have what we need in life. At our age we have collected a home's worth of stuff plus. We truly don't
need much like when we were younger and supporting our family. Once we get something these days it may
be months or years before we need that thing again. I still like to shop from time to time though so these
cheaper shopping outlets will feed the need to shop urge. It works.
The lesson I keep learning in learning how to wear slightly used clothes is that a name brand is only so
good for so long and then it is cast off. By learning to wear thrift store clothes I find myself walking
away from the need to impress. It has been a sobering lesson at this point though I don't mind.
On my own I think I would have found Junior to be a bit too much. With my prayers asking God to teach me
to be the woman Junior needs and a major part of my prayer is "open my eyes and heart to Junior" I would
have grown tired of this man. Each time God reveals Junior's heart to me though I find myself falling in
love with Junior. I find I don't really care if he seems strange to the people around me. I know Junior
only wants what God wants and my heart tends to re-foucus on Junior in a deeper way.
I have always been concerned with my looks and these days I find that if I am beautiful to Junior that is
truly all I care about. Junior's likes in women are older than my own likes. He is older and I am 7 years
younger so I tend to be more like a sixties child where he is more of a 50's child. As I continue to seek
Junior's best I tend to want to be what he likes in looks more than what I want. I am still me don't get
me wrong. Polishing my nails often is too tedious and I can't commit to it. Curling my hair is too much
work and I can't. I can get a perm with partialy curly hair and all I do is wash and wear it....that I can
give to Junior.He likes it and I am able to do this.
So more and more I find contentment in God and God teaches me what I truly need and in that life is full and
rich. Yup I like that.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Saturday, January 11, 2014
January 11 2014
January 11 2014
Greetings My Friend,
The ear infection is leaving me. My ear is still plugged and it is hard to hear but it is
better now than it has been. That is a relief. I am not so tired either so once more I begin to enter into
the day doing housework, cooking and the like. That feels nice as well.
Junior is working on a way for Alex our 18 year old cat to stay up out of the way of the dogs.
He is getting to where he won't even come down from his table to use his cat box....Junior
has started feeding him on his table and now Junior is bringing his cat box near him. I love
that Junior cares that much for my/our pets. Alex came to the marriage along with me.
Alex has been my comfort through divorce, cancer, and so much more. I love him like no
tomorrow. We are more distant these days due to the dog factor but I walk by and love on
him from time to time. My heart still loves this guy.
The two little dogs are now occupying my days. They are always near me or Junior but me more
so because I sit so much. Daisy won't go out the doggie door for a bathroom call but after
her call she comes in the doggie door. Silly girl. I find that letting her out is good for
me and I continue to need to care for her.
When I get up each morning she is so excited to see me. Junior gets up before I do and he takes
Daisy with him. Daisy will bark at the least sound if she stays with me so Junior gets her up
with him. When I do come out of the bedroom she is so excited to see me that I carry her around
for a few minutes, put eye drops in her eyes and such. When I settle down to do my computer time
both girls come to be near me. I feel loved and wanted and a whole host of other things.
As I continue on with this journey of faith I find even these little pet moments are a gift from
God. I can feel a God hug often when they are licking me or excited to see me. Sometimes I feel a
God hug when B is over for a few days and she makes me food to eat. I feel a God hug when Junior
seems extra touched by me when I've done something of no account. His smile melts my heart.
This year for Christmas my son called me first. I got up late due to my ear infection and I had not
called him yet. He called me and it felt great. He hung up and called back a few times as his son
kept asking him questions. It was precious.
Again I felt God's hand on me. As I kept taking my children to God through the years after the divorce
I began to wonder if they'd ever get over our divorce. The day has come and my son seems to understand
at last. My daughter is pulling away from not only me but the whole family. I hurt for her. I long to
comfort her and she pushes all of us away. So I pray, pray some more and in that I begin to let it be.
I sense this woman is hurt beyond measure. I hurt that she hurts so much. Still if she won't reach back
to me there isn't much I can do. I still take her to prayer though and that makes me feel like I am
touching my precious daughter.
It is God who continues to give me my sense of life. I feel His direction and take it. I feel His love
and find myself grateful. So often these days I find myself in thanfullness on and off throughout the
day. That feels awesome and again I learn to give "all" of me to God. The more I can the more life
tends to feel right and good.
Lately I feel thankfullness is as important as confessing my sins. I find giving God praise all day
throughout the day to be "good and right". Again I reflect on my ACTSS prayer format and each step
tends to find me growing closer to God.
As I continue on this faith journey I find moments that are real hard but with God walking beside me
through each struggle I find it ok. As my struggle comes to an end I find I am grateful for the lesson
learned. So I get up each day and begin my faith walk over.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
The ear infection is leaving me. My ear is still plugged and it is hard to hear but it is
better now than it has been. That is a relief. I am not so tired either so once more I begin to enter into
the day doing housework, cooking and the like. That feels nice as well.
Junior is working on a way for Alex our 18 year old cat to stay up out of the way of the dogs.
He is getting to where he won't even come down from his table to use his cat box....Junior
has started feeding him on his table and now Junior is bringing his cat box near him. I love
that Junior cares that much for my/our pets. Alex came to the marriage along with me.
Alex has been my comfort through divorce, cancer, and so much more. I love him like no
tomorrow. We are more distant these days due to the dog factor but I walk by and love on
him from time to time. My heart still loves this guy.
The two little dogs are now occupying my days. They are always near me or Junior but me more
so because I sit so much. Daisy won't go out the doggie door for a bathroom call but after
her call she comes in the doggie door. Silly girl. I find that letting her out is good for
me and I continue to need to care for her.
When I get up each morning she is so excited to see me. Junior gets up before I do and he takes
Daisy with him. Daisy will bark at the least sound if she stays with me so Junior gets her up
with him. When I do come out of the bedroom she is so excited to see me that I carry her around
for a few minutes, put eye drops in her eyes and such. When I settle down to do my computer time
both girls come to be near me. I feel loved and wanted and a whole host of other things.
As I continue on with this journey of faith I find even these little pet moments are a gift from
God. I can feel a God hug often when they are licking me or excited to see me. Sometimes I feel a
God hug when B is over for a few days and she makes me food to eat. I feel a God hug when Junior
seems extra touched by me when I've done something of no account. His smile melts my heart.
This year for Christmas my son called me first. I got up late due to my ear infection and I had not
called him yet. He called me and it felt great. He hung up and called back a few times as his son
kept asking him questions. It was precious.
Again I felt God's hand on me. As I kept taking my children to God through the years after the divorce
I began to wonder if they'd ever get over our divorce. The day has come and my son seems to understand
at last. My daughter is pulling away from not only me but the whole family. I hurt for her. I long to
comfort her and she pushes all of us away. So I pray, pray some more and in that I begin to let it be.
I sense this woman is hurt beyond measure. I hurt that she hurts so much. Still if she won't reach back
to me there isn't much I can do. I still take her to prayer though and that makes me feel like I am
touching my precious daughter.
It is God who continues to give me my sense of life. I feel His direction and take it. I feel His love
and find myself grateful. So often these days I find myself in thanfullness on and off throughout the
day. That feels awesome and again I learn to give "all" of me to God. The more I can the more life
tends to feel right and good.
Lately I feel thankfullness is as important as confessing my sins. I find giving God praise all day
throughout the day to be "good and right". Again I reflect on my ACTSS prayer format and each step
tends to find me growing closer to God.
As I continue on this faith journey I find moments that are real hard but with God walking beside me
through each struggle I find it ok. As my struggle comes to an end I find I am grateful for the lesson
learned. So I get up each day and begin my faith walk over.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Thursday, January 9, 2014
January 9 2014
January 14 2013
Greetings My Friend,
As this year begins I find myself reading the Bible through for another year. I read
a few devotions from on line, I read my Sunday school study and find ways to keep learning
and growing in God's Word.
My brain feels challanged, I find that the more I immerse myself in God's life that the things
of this world aren't as important as they once were. I no longer need status symbols to show my
worth because God gives me my worth and frankly that feels real nice.
Junior has always been a thrift store shopper. As a young person he was so poor that having meat
was a luxuary. He learned to get by with what he had. As I married Junior I began to learn how
to thrift store shop and these days a good portion of my clothes come from thrift stores. We even
find furniture and the like to use within our home.
I am also a dollar store shopper these days. Malls aren't close by so the dollar store is my source
of shopping many days. I love walking up to the counter will an arm load of stuff and paying only $20
for it all. It is fun.
We have what we need in life. At our age we have collected a home's worth of stuff plus. We truly don't
need much like when we were younger and supporting our family. Once we get something these days it may
be months or years before we need that thing again. I still like to shop from time to time though so these
cheaper shopping outlets will feed the need to shop urge. It works.
The lesson I keep learning in learning how to wear slightly used clothes is that a name brand is only so
good for so long and then it is cast off. By learning to wear thrift store clothes I find myself walking
away from the need to impress. It has been a sobering lesson at this point though I don't mind.
On my own I think I would have found Junior to be a bit too much. With my prayers asking God to teach me
to be the woman Junior needs and a major part of my prayer is "open my eyes and heart to Junior" I would
have grown tired of this man. Each time God reveals Junior's heart to me though I find myself falling in
love with Junior. I find I don't really care if he seems strange to the people around me. I know Junior
only wants what God wants and my heart tends to re-foucus on Junior in a deeper way.
I have always been concerned with my looks and these days I find that if I am beautiful to Junior that is
truly all I care about. Junior's likes in women are older than my own likes. He is older and I am 7 years
younger so I tend to be more like a sixties child where he is more of a 50's child. As I continue to seek
Junior's best I tend to want to be what he likes in looks more than what I want. I am still me don't get
me wrong. Polishing my nails often is too tedious and I can't commit to it. Curling my hair is too much
work and I can't. I can get a perm with partialy curly hair and all I do is wash and wear it....that I can
give to Junior.He likes it and I am able to do this.
So more and more I find contentment in God and God teaches me what I truly need and in that life is full and
rich. Yup I like that.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
As this year begins I find myself reading the Bible through for another year. I read
a few devotions from on line, I read my Sunday school study and find ways to keep learning
and growing in God's Word.
My brain feels challanged, I find that the more I immerse myself in God's life that the things
of this world aren't as important as they once were. I no longer need status symbols to show my
worth because God gives me my worth and frankly that feels real nice.
Junior has always been a thrift store shopper. As a young person he was so poor that having meat
was a luxuary. He learned to get by with what he had. As I married Junior I began to learn how
to thrift store shop and these days a good portion of my clothes come from thrift stores. We even
find furniture and the like to use within our home.
I am also a dollar store shopper these days. Malls aren't close by so the dollar store is my source
of shopping many days. I love walking up to the counter will an arm load of stuff and paying only $20
for it all. It is fun.
We have what we need in life. At our age we have collected a home's worth of stuff plus. We truly don't
need much like when we were younger and supporting our family. Once we get something these days it may
be months or years before we need that thing again. I still like to shop from time to time though so these
cheaper shopping outlets will feed the need to shop urge. It works.
The lesson I keep learning in learning how to wear slightly used clothes is that a name brand is only so
good for so long and then it is cast off. By learning to wear thrift store clothes I find myself walking
away from the need to impress. It has been a sobering lesson at this point though I don't mind.
On my own I think I would have found Junior to be a bit too much. With my prayers asking God to teach me
to be the woman Junior needs and a major part of my prayer is "open my eyes and heart to Junior" I would
have grown tired of this man. Each time God reveals Junior's heart to me though I find myself falling in
love with Junior. I find I don't really care if he seems strange to the people around me. I know Junior
only wants what God wants and my heart tends to re-foucus on Junior in a deeper way.
I have always been concerned with my looks and these days I find that if I am beautiful to Junior that is
truly all I care about. Junior's likes in women are older than my own likes. He is older and I am 7 years
younger so I tend to be more like a sixties child where he is more of a 50's child. As I continue to seek
Junior's best I tend to want to be what he likes in looks more than what I want. I am still me don't get
me wrong. Polishing my nails often is too tedious and I can't commit to it. Curling my hair is too much
work and I can't. I can get a perm with partialy curly hair and all I do is wash and wear it....that I can
give to Junior.He likes it and I am able to do this.
So more and more I find contentment in God and God teaches me what I truly need and in that life is full and
rich. Yup I like that.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
January 7 2014
January 7 2013
Greetings My Friend,
My girls are near me as I sit in my recliner and write. This is one of those sweet
moments for me. Junior went to church without me since it was 11:00 before my eyes
saw the light of day.....2 am was the time I finally fell asleep. It is what it is.
I soak in the quietness and reval in it. I long for a new computer that won't die within
a couple of weeks of getting it. We are researching a better brand and hopefully soon it
will come to pass. I miss my editing buttons.
We had another blast of warm weather and of course I relished it. It is now getting colder
again and it is what it is. These months will pass and spring and summer even fall will be
here and I will soak up the warmth. For now I focus on the warm fuzzies I get with a fire
in the fireplace, a warm snuggle blanket and warm fur children.
My mind focuses on "remembering" again. I strive to remember the good things in life to ponder
them and to enjoy those pleasant things. I strive to remember the times God has drawn near and
walked with me through a struggle.
As God walks with me through struggles I find myself remembering His guidance, His love and His
paitience. When life is boring, hard and such the remember game is sure to soon bring those happy
moments. I remember accomplishing things I never knew I could accomplish. I remember a hug or a
kind word. The more I am able to remember happy moments I find that the very painful moments of my
life tend to stay in the past.
This remembering the good times, the times God stood beside me has been a long hard journey but these
days I can remember the good stuff and I am able to keep the bad stuff in the past. If I do walk into
a bad moment I do not stay there very long any more. I like that.
I can even look at Junior and remember more good stuff than annoying stuff about him. At first I started
leaving him a note each day as I left for work. He came home a few hours before I did so this was my
hug to him when he came home.
Each day I tried to tell Junior all the wonderful stuff he did. I marveled at his patience with me and his
artistic abilities. I marveled at his intellengence. If he was annoying me I tried hard not to notice those
moments and slowly I found myself not focusing on his annoying habits.
It isn't like I don't know they exist it is I'd rather see the good in him. When he steps over the line once
too often I will point out the fact. Junior is a good man and will "hear" what I have to say and then strive
to stop. I respect that in him. The more he is able to "hear" my struggle I find that I want to meet him
half way and I strive to walk away from my annoying to him traits.
God gives me confidence in "who" I am. Between God and Junior I find that I am truly a good person. Gone are the
days where I feel lower than low and just taking up space in life. I matter. My feelings matter and as I find
that I matter I find myself walking away from a need to be seen and heard. I am seen and heard and in that I
find value and worth.
These days I tend to go to God first. He has always been at my side encouraging me and stroking me when I need
it the most. These days my goal is to please God first and in that I find confidence, joy and peace. We were
watching a film with Jody Foster in it the other night. Junior told me he thought that I looked an awful lot
like Jodie Foster. He loves my long nose, my long neck. I have always felt ugly with them but Junior finds
those traits very attractive.
He does that often for me, makes me feel beautiful. I even joke with people that Junior married me because I look
good on his arm and that is what he wanted. I feel that pretty. Junior also likes my brain. He is not intimated
when I have a thought or two. He often will go with my thought and maybe even expand on it from time to time. I
love it.
These days I feel beautiful and smart and accepted for the person I am....in the Lord. As people respond to my
writings I tend to not hear my families message that I am a dork. I don't believe them anymore either. I find
a special place in the world and life could not be sweeter.
That is something I noticed way back when and often times I find myself reflecting back on it. I remember in high
school that there were some real dorky kids. They weren't liked much. As I watched them though they seemed content
in their personhood. They had friends and hung out with people. I was on the outside looking in often but I was not
on the fringe either. I was somewhere in the middle. Little Sister has pointed out what a dork I was from time to
time. I remember liking the kids I hung out with and feeling content. I look at little Sister and see she hung out
with the kids who smoked, did drugs in the bathroom and the like. I felt that those kids were not the ones I wanted
to be in life. They were ok to talk too and such but they were not my good friends. So Little Sister thought I was
strange because I hung out more with the "middle class" type kids. I would go back to that crowd in a heart beat
so if I was strange....I'd rather be strange than hanging out with the smokers and druggers. Is one right and the
other wrong....well if that is what they wanted to be that is their choice to an extent. It is not who I wanted to
be and for the first time I find that I am ok with the crowd I hung with. I even made the same choices as I graduated,
married and had a family.
Little Sister continued on with her crowd of people. One day she seemed to change and started doing life in a different mode.
She and I still live in different realms. It is what it is. I keep finding that we each find our own way. For me my
way is coming from God. Little Sister has met the Lord and she relates to those that relate to her life style and the
same goes for me. Yup I am content where I am these days even if it is different than some.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
My girls are near me as I sit in my recliner and write. This is one of those sweet
moments for me. Junior went to church without me since it was 11:00 before my eyes
saw the light of day.....2 am was the time I finally fell asleep. It is what it is.
I soak in the quietness and reval in it. I long for a new computer that won't die within
a couple of weeks of getting it. We are researching a better brand and hopefully soon it
will come to pass. I miss my editing buttons.
We had another blast of warm weather and of course I relished it. It is now getting colder
again and it is what it is. These months will pass and spring and summer even fall will be
here and I will soak up the warmth. For now I focus on the warm fuzzies I get with a fire
in the fireplace, a warm snuggle blanket and warm fur children.
My mind focuses on "remembering" again. I strive to remember the good things in life to ponder
them and to enjoy those pleasant things. I strive to remember the times God has drawn near and
walked with me through a struggle.
As God walks with me through struggles I find myself remembering His guidance, His love and His
paitience. When life is boring, hard and such the remember game is sure to soon bring those happy
moments. I remember accomplishing things I never knew I could accomplish. I remember a hug or a
kind word. The more I am able to remember happy moments I find that the very painful moments of my
life tend to stay in the past.
This remembering the good times, the times God stood beside me has been a long hard journey but these
days I can remember the good stuff and I am able to keep the bad stuff in the past. If I do walk into
a bad moment I do not stay there very long any more. I like that.
I can even look at Junior and remember more good stuff than annoying stuff about him. At first I started
leaving him a note each day as I left for work. He came home a few hours before I did so this was my
hug to him when he came home.
Each day I tried to tell Junior all the wonderful stuff he did. I marveled at his patience with me and his
artistic abilities. I marveled at his intellengence. If he was annoying me I tried hard not to notice those
moments and slowly I found myself not focusing on his annoying habits.
It isn't like I don't know they exist it is I'd rather see the good in him. When he steps over the line once
too often I will point out the fact. Junior is a good man and will "hear" what I have to say and then strive
to stop. I respect that in him. The more he is able to "hear" my struggle I find that I want to meet him
half way and I strive to walk away from my annoying to him traits.
God gives me confidence in "who" I am. Between God and Junior I find that I am truly a good person. Gone are the
days where I feel lower than low and just taking up space in life. I matter. My feelings matter and as I find
that I matter I find myself walking away from a need to be seen and heard. I am seen and heard and in that I
find value and worth.
These days I tend to go to God first. He has always been at my side encouraging me and stroking me when I need
it the most. These days my goal is to please God first and in that I find confidence, joy and peace. We were
watching a film with Jody Foster in it the other night. Junior told me he thought that I looked an awful lot
like Jodie Foster. He loves my long nose, my long neck. I have always felt ugly with them but Junior finds
those traits very attractive.
He does that often for me, makes me feel beautiful. I even joke with people that Junior married me because I look
good on his arm and that is what he wanted. I feel that pretty. Junior also likes my brain. He is not intimated
when I have a thought or two. He often will go with my thought and maybe even expand on it from time to time. I
love it.
These days I feel beautiful and smart and accepted for the person I am....in the Lord. As people respond to my
writings I tend to not hear my families message that I am a dork. I don't believe them anymore either. I find
a special place in the world and life could not be sweeter.
That is something I noticed way back when and often times I find myself reflecting back on it. I remember in high
school that there were some real dorky kids. They weren't liked much. As I watched them though they seemed content
in their personhood. They had friends and hung out with people. I was on the outside looking in often but I was not
on the fringe either. I was somewhere in the middle. Little Sister has pointed out what a dork I was from time to
time. I remember liking the kids I hung out with and feeling content. I look at little Sister and see she hung out
with the kids who smoked, did drugs in the bathroom and the like. I felt that those kids were not the ones I wanted
to be in life. They were ok to talk too and such but they were not my good friends. So Little Sister thought I was
strange because I hung out more with the "middle class" type kids. I would go back to that crowd in a heart beat
so if I was strange....I'd rather be strange than hanging out with the smokers and druggers. Is one right and the
other wrong....well if that is what they wanted to be that is their choice to an extent. It is not who I wanted to
be and for the first time I find that I am ok with the crowd I hung with. I even made the same choices as I graduated,
married and had a family.
Little Sister continued on with her crowd of people. One day she seemed to change and started doing life in a different mode.
She and I still live in different realms. It is what it is. I keep finding that we each find our own way. For me my
way is coming from God. Little Sister has met the Lord and she relates to those that relate to her life style and the
same goes for me. Yup I am content where I am these days even if it is different than some.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Saturday, January 4, 2014
January 4 2014
January 4 2014
Greetings My Friend,
The coffee is starting to take effect and I am waking up and thinking a bit
clearer. It has been a morning where the waking up process has been hard. I
struggled figuring out the coffee pot. I thought it was plugged in and started
it a few times and when I looked it looked like it was plugged in. Cold water
came out each time I tried to pour a cup. Junior came in and attempted to plug
the pot in only to have more cold water.
We finally got the pot plugged in fully and the coffee brewed and slowly I was
able to start my wake up process. I then posted my blog on Hoot Suite only to
find that I'd keyed in the blog address wrong. So I deleted all the posts and
started over.
I guess today's lesson is starting over and keeping at it untill I get it. I have
and now things are moving along. I have not gotten angry and thrown things, swore
and the like. I must say I felt challanged and being paitient was a bit hard but
I managed to keep a civil tongue and and attitude.
Now that things are falling into place I am able to begin to function as I normally do.
I am anxious to start my day of writing, housework, excercise and Bible study along with
my prayer time.
We went shopping yesterday and I am anxious to put up the curtain rod I got for the front
and back door along with the valances. I am anxious to see if I will like this look or
not. I get to decorate again and as always I love that part of house up keep.
We drove out to Kingsport to the Best Buy so I could get my new computer back and use it
again. We drove 2 hrs there to find out that it could not be fixed and they refunded us our
money back. We looked around and are thinking of using Apple instead of Windows but there
wasn't a lot to choose from. We went to lunch and have decided that we can wait a week or
so and hopefully pick up a good sale. We will see.
Most nights lately find me thanking God for the joy I feel. With all the years of depression
leaving me and the realization that Junior wants to really stay with me till the end I find
joy inside of me. I again notice that our lives are mundane and I love it to no end. I love
the way we do day to day life without all the drama of years ago.
I even find myself thanking God throughout the day as well. So my morning struggle was a surprise
to me. That said I am so proud that I did not resort to the old anger I would have at one time
in my life.
Those moments continue to point to me that because of this faith journey I am a "new creation in
Chirst." I like that feeling a lot. As an abused child and wife I remember years of feeling so
hopeless and that I had no controll in my life. I was thrust into divorce and went screaming and
kicking. Years later I am so thankful for my 2nd chance at life.
Lately I find myself admitting that I did love my ex at one time. It has taken me years to admit that
I even loved this man. These days I admitt that I loved him and then I also thank God that I am out of
that war zone.
As I married Junior I learned that married life, life in general does not need to be filled with battle
after battle. We have our moments where we don't agree with each other. We are able to work our way through
these moments though and in that I don't mind that we argue on occassion.
Junior has always allowed me to tell him to "stop." He will stop his behavior that I ask him to and that feels
real nice as well. As he quits his behavior I find that I want to meet him and change those things about me
that tend to drive him nuts.
The more I am in this faith journey Agape love tends to become my standard goal. I feel Agape love from God
and then I find myself attempting to Apape love others in my path. It seems that the days of anger found others
who were angry and we fed off of each other. Today finding ways to love others tends to find others who are
willing to love me right where I am and then I learn to go deeper.
I also learn to move on when I am not received with love. That was my problem before. I wanted to prove to people
that I truly cared. I did but some people don't want to be loved and it is not my job to hit them over the head
with my love. I need to give it and if it is received well and good. If not then I need to let go and move on.
My "move on" model is from Jesus. As I read Scripture I see that He did not save everyone He met. As I realize that
He did not save everyone then I find myself realizing I don't have to save everyone. I also am an enabler and that is
not how God loves me. God does not give me all I want in my flesh. As I learn to love God my idea of what is right
and good begins to change and then I want the things God wants. Yup I like that more so these days.
I find myself not agreeing with the "world's" concept of "right" thinking. I disagree with a lot of the "politicaly
incorrect" thinking that is out there today. I also don't think that it is right to go around beating people up
for thinking differently than I do. They can have their thoughts and I can have mine.
I may be told that I "have" to be a certain way. Outwardly I may have to act a certain way. No one can change the way
I feel though. Same goes for those who think differently than I do. To me this seems the fair way to be accept people
where they are at....I don't have to agree but I also don't have a right to beat them or have a superior attitude. God
teaches me right from wrong and He is my standard. If another person disagrees that is their right but don't force "your"
ideas on me and I will let my "ideas" be known and then I will move on. I am not going to be "what others think" I should be
for the sake of it all anymore. I am "me" you are "you" and we move through life.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
The coffee is starting to take effect and I am waking up and thinking a bit
clearer. It has been a morning where the waking up process has been hard. I
struggled figuring out the coffee pot. I thought it was plugged in and started
it a few times and when I looked it looked like it was plugged in. Cold water
came out each time I tried to pour a cup. Junior came in and attempted to plug
the pot in only to have more cold water.
We finally got the pot plugged in fully and the coffee brewed and slowly I was
able to start my wake up process. I then posted my blog on Hoot Suite only to
find that I'd keyed in the blog address wrong. So I deleted all the posts and
started over.
I guess today's lesson is starting over and keeping at it untill I get it. I have
and now things are moving along. I have not gotten angry and thrown things, swore
and the like. I must say I felt challanged and being paitient was a bit hard but
I managed to keep a civil tongue and and attitude.
Now that things are falling into place I am able to begin to function as I normally do.
I am anxious to start my day of writing, housework, excercise and Bible study along with
my prayer time.
We went shopping yesterday and I am anxious to put up the curtain rod I got for the front
and back door along with the valances. I am anxious to see if I will like this look or
not. I get to decorate again and as always I love that part of house up keep.
We drove out to Kingsport to the Best Buy so I could get my new computer back and use it
again. We drove 2 hrs there to find out that it could not be fixed and they refunded us our
money back. We looked around and are thinking of using Apple instead of Windows but there
wasn't a lot to choose from. We went to lunch and have decided that we can wait a week or
so and hopefully pick up a good sale. We will see.
Most nights lately find me thanking God for the joy I feel. With all the years of depression
leaving me and the realization that Junior wants to really stay with me till the end I find
joy inside of me. I again notice that our lives are mundane and I love it to no end. I love
the way we do day to day life without all the drama of years ago.
I even find myself thanking God throughout the day as well. So my morning struggle was a surprise
to me. That said I am so proud that I did not resort to the old anger I would have at one time
in my life.
Those moments continue to point to me that because of this faith journey I am a "new creation in
Chirst." I like that feeling a lot. As an abused child and wife I remember years of feeling so
hopeless and that I had no controll in my life. I was thrust into divorce and went screaming and
kicking. Years later I am so thankful for my 2nd chance at life.
Lately I find myself admitting that I did love my ex at one time. It has taken me years to admit that
I even loved this man. These days I admitt that I loved him and then I also thank God that I am out of
that war zone.
As I married Junior I learned that married life, life in general does not need to be filled with battle
after battle. We have our moments where we don't agree with each other. We are able to work our way through
these moments though and in that I don't mind that we argue on occassion.
Junior has always allowed me to tell him to "stop." He will stop his behavior that I ask him to and that feels
real nice as well. As he quits his behavior I find that I want to meet him and change those things about me
that tend to drive him nuts.
The more I am in this faith journey Agape love tends to become my standard goal. I feel Agape love from God
and then I find myself attempting to Apape love others in my path. It seems that the days of anger found others
who were angry and we fed off of each other. Today finding ways to love others tends to find others who are
willing to love me right where I am and then I learn to go deeper.
I also learn to move on when I am not received with love. That was my problem before. I wanted to prove to people
that I truly cared. I did but some people don't want to be loved and it is not my job to hit them over the head
with my love. I need to give it and if it is received well and good. If not then I need to let go and move on.
My "move on" model is from Jesus. As I read Scripture I see that He did not save everyone He met. As I realize that
He did not save everyone then I find myself realizing I don't have to save everyone. I also am an enabler and that is
not how God loves me. God does not give me all I want in my flesh. As I learn to love God my idea of what is right
and good begins to change and then I want the things God wants. Yup I like that more so these days.
I find myself not agreeing with the "world's" concept of "right" thinking. I disagree with a lot of the "politicaly
incorrect" thinking that is out there today. I also don't think that it is right to go around beating people up
for thinking differently than I do. They can have their thoughts and I can have mine.
I may be told that I "have" to be a certain way. Outwardly I may have to act a certain way. No one can change the way
I feel though. Same goes for those who think differently than I do. To me this seems the fair way to be accept people
where they are at....I don't have to agree but I also don't have a right to beat them or have a superior attitude. God
teaches me right from wrong and He is my standard. If another person disagrees that is their right but don't force "your"
ideas on me and I will let my "ideas" be known and then I will move on. I am not going to be "what others think" I should be
for the sake of it all anymore. I am "me" you are "you" and we move through life.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
January 4 2014
January 4 2014
Greetings My Friend,
The coffee is starting to take effect and I am waking up and thinking a bit
clearer. It has been a morning where the waking up process has been hard. I
struggled figuring out the coffee pot. I thought it was plugged in and started
it a few times and when I looked it looked like it was plugged in. Cold water
came out each time I tried to pour a cup. Junior came in and attempted to plug
the pot in only to have more cold water.
We finally got the pot plugged in fully and the coffee brewed and slowly I was
able to start my wake up process. I then posted my blog on Hoot Suite only to
find that I'd keyed in the blog address wrong. So I deleted all the posts and
started over.
I guess today's lesson is starting over and keeping at it untill I get it. I have
and now things are moving along. I have not gotten angry and thrown things, swore
and the like. I must say I felt challanged and being paitient was a bit hard but
I managed to keep a civil tongue and and attitude.
Now that things are falling into place I am able to begin to function as I normally do.
I am anxious to start my day of writing, housework, excercise and Bible study along with
my prayer time.
We went shopping yesterday and I am anxious to put up the curtain rod I got for the front
and back door along with the valances. I am anxious to see if I will like this look or
not. I get to decorate again and as always I love that part of house up keep.
We drove out to Kingsport to the Best Buy so I could get my new computer back and use it
again. We drove 2 hrs there to find out that it could not be fixed and they refunded us our
money back. We looked around and are thinking of using Apple instead of Windows but there
wasn't a lot to choose from. We went to lunch and have decided that we can wait a week or
so and hopefully pick up a good sale. We will see.
Most nights lately find me thanking God for the joy I feel. With all the years of depression
leaving me and the realization that Junior wants to really stay with me till the end I find
joy inside of me. I again notice that our lives are mundane and I love it to no end. I love
the way we do day to day life without all the drama of years ago.
I even find myself thanking God throughout the day as well. So my morning struggle was a surprise
to me. That said I am so proud that I did not resort to the old anger I would have at one time
in my life.
Those moments continue to point to me that because of this faith journey I am a "new creation in
Chirst." I like that feeling a lot. As an abused child and wife I remember years of feeling so
hopeless and that I had no controll in my life. I was thrust into divorce and went screaming and
kicking. Years later I am so thankful for my 2nd chance at life.
Lately I find myself admitting that I did love my ex at one time. It has taken me years to admit that
I even loved this man. These days I admitt that I loved him and then I also thank God that I am out of
that war zone.
As I married Junior I learned that married life, life in general does not need to be filled with battle
after battle. We have our moments where we don't agree with each other. We are able to work our way through
these moments though and in that I don't mind that we argue on occassion.
Junior has always allowed me to tell him to "stop." He will stop his behavior that I ask him to and that feels
real nice as well. As he quits his behavior I find that I want to meet him and change those things about me
that tend to drive him nuts.
The more I am in this faith journey Agape love tends to become my standard goal. I feel Agape love from God
and then I find myself attempting to Apape love others in my path. It seems that the days of anger found others
who were angry and we fed off of each other. Today finding ways to love others tends to find others who are
willing to love me right where I am and then I learn to go deeper.
I also learn to move on when I am not received with love. That was my problem before. I wanted to prove to people
that I truly cared. I did but some people don't want to be loved and it is not my job to hit them over the head
with my love. I need to give it and if it is received well and good. If not then I need to let go and move on.
My "move on" model is from Jesus. As I read Scripture I see that He did not save everyone He met. As I realize that
He did not save everyone then I find myself realizing I don't have to save everyone. I also am an enabler and that is
not how God loves me. God does not give me all I want in my flesh. As I learn to love God my idea of what is right
and good begins to change and then I want the things God wants. Yup I like that more so these days.
I find myself not agreeing with the "world's" concept of "right" thinking. I disagree with a lot of the "politicaly
incorrect" thinking that is out there today. I also don't think that it is right to go around beating people up
for thinking differently than I do. They can have their thoughts and I can have mine.
I may be told that I "have" to be a certain way. Outwardly I may have to act a certain way. No one can change the way
I feel though. Same goes for those who think differently than I do. To me this seems the fair way to be accept people
where they are at....I don't have to agree but I also don't have a right to beat them or have a superior attitude. God
teaches me right from wrong and He is my standard. If another person disagrees that is their right but don't force "your"
ideas on me and I will let my "ideas" be known and then I will move on. I am not going to be "what others think" I should be
for the sake of it all anymore. I am "me" you are "you" and we move through life.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
The coffee is starting to take effect and I am waking up and thinking a bit
clearer. It has been a morning where the waking up process has been hard. I
struggled figuring out the coffee pot. I thought it was plugged in and started
it a few times and when I looked it looked like it was plugged in. Cold water
came out each time I tried to pour a cup. Junior came in and attempted to plug
the pot in only to have more cold water.
We finally got the pot plugged in fully and the coffee brewed and slowly I was
able to start my wake up process. I then posted my blog on Hoot Suite only to
find that I'd keyed in the blog address wrong. So I deleted all the posts and
started over.
I guess today's lesson is starting over and keeping at it untill I get it. I have
and now things are moving along. I have not gotten angry and thrown things, swore
and the like. I must say I felt challanged and being paitient was a bit hard but
I managed to keep a civil tongue and and attitude.
Now that things are falling into place I am able to begin to function as I normally do.
I am anxious to start my day of writing, housework, excercise and Bible study along with
my prayer time.
We went shopping yesterday and I am anxious to put up the curtain rod I got for the front
and back door along with the valances. I am anxious to see if I will like this look or
not. I get to decorate again and as always I love that part of house up keep.
We drove out to Kingsport to the Best Buy so I could get my new computer back and use it
again. We drove 2 hrs there to find out that it could not be fixed and they refunded us our
money back. We looked around and are thinking of using Apple instead of Windows but there
wasn't a lot to choose from. We went to lunch and have decided that we can wait a week or
so and hopefully pick up a good sale. We will see.
Most nights lately find me thanking God for the joy I feel. With all the years of depression
leaving me and the realization that Junior wants to really stay with me till the end I find
joy inside of me. I again notice that our lives are mundane and I love it to no end. I love
the way we do day to day life without all the drama of years ago.
I even find myself thanking God throughout the day as well. So my morning struggle was a surprise
to me. That said I am so proud that I did not resort to the old anger I would have at one time
in my life.
Those moments continue to point to me that because of this faith journey I am a "new creation in
Chirst." I like that feeling a lot. As an abused child and wife I remember years of feeling so
hopeless and that I had no controll in my life. I was thrust into divorce and went screaming and
kicking. Years later I am so thankful for my 2nd chance at life.
Lately I find myself admitting that I did love my ex at one time. It has taken me years to admit that
I even loved this man. These days I admitt that I loved him and then I also thank God that I am out of
that war zone.
As I married Junior I learned that married life, life in general does not need to be filled with battle
after battle. We have our moments where we don't agree with each other. We are able to work our way through
these moments though and in that I don't mind that we argue on occassion.
Junior has always allowed me to tell him to "stop." He will stop his behavior that I ask him to and that feels
real nice as well. As he quits his behavior I find that I want to meet him and change those things about me
that tend to drive him nuts.
The more I am in this faith journey Agape love tends to become my standard goal. I feel Agape love from God
and then I find myself attempting to Apape love others in my path. It seems that the days of anger found others
who were angry and we fed off of each other. Today finding ways to love others tends to find others who are
willing to love me right where I am and then I learn to go deeper.
I also learn to move on when I am not received with love. That was my problem before. I wanted to prove to people
that I truly cared. I did but some people don't want to be loved and it is not my job to hit them over the head
with my love. I need to give it and if it is received well and good. If not then I need to let go and move on.
My "move on" model is from Jesus. As I read Scripture I see that He did not save everyone He met. As I realize that
He did not save everyone then I find myself realizing I don't have to save everyone. I also am an enabler and that is
not how God loves me. God does not give me all I want in my flesh. As I learn to love God my idea of what is right
and good begins to change and then I want the things God wants. Yup I like that more so these days.
I find myself not agreeing with the "world's" concept of "right" thinking. I disagree with a lot of the "politicaly
incorrect" thinking that is out there today. I also don't think that it is right to go around beating people up
for thinking differently than I do. They can have their thoughts and I can have mine.
I may be told that I "have" to be a certain way. Outwardly I may have to act a certain way. No one can change the way
I feel though. Same goes for those who think differently than I do. To me this seems the fair way to be accept people
where they are at....I don't have to agree but I also don't have a right to beat them or have a superior attitude. God
teaches me right from wrong and He is my standard. If another person disagrees that is their right but don't force "your"
ideas on me and I will let my "ideas" be known and then I will move on. I am not going to be "what others think" I should be
for the sake of it all anymore. I am "me" you are "you" and we move through life.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Thursday, January 2, 2014
January 2 2014
January 2 2014
Greetings My Friend,
It is finally here, the New Year so I begin a new again. To me that is a great feeling
starting over with a clean slate. With my energy level more on the rise I find myself
wondering where my journey will take me this year.
Will I be able to go on a mission trip? Will I find a volunteer opportunity? As I get older
having the desire to be doing feels awful nice. I feel connected and useful. I find love
grows in my heart and in love I continue to grow. Yup being old isn't as scary as I once
thought it would be.
Old age teaches me many lessons as well. I learn to slow down and to move at a pace where
I can accomplish things. Gone are the hurry up and wait days. These days I tend to do my
day in slow motion and it works out real nice.
I find moments that I "see" things I never saw before. I see spring from the begining to
the end. Summer flowers come and go and I marvel at the next batch of colors that tend
to burst forth.
As a young person I found many spring days turned into summer before I realized it. I saw
winter as a long long season of despair. Here in VA the winter's aren't as harsh as they
are in MI so I tend to not mind winter. I even find beauty in the snow, the trees with no
leaves and the crunchy looking leaves on the ground in the woods.
As I slow down I also find prayer time to be more frequent. As I keep talking to God I find
peace and an acceptance of who I am. Yup life is sweet in my older years like I never knew it
could be.
This winter arthritis is showing its ugly side all over me. My arm will hurt and bad words form
at the back of my mind. Next I feel it in my foot and those bad words try to come back louder. My
Chronic Fatigue comes out after a day of running and I find myself sitting and napping. I can't help
the sleep it is on me before I know it. I need the sleep so I learn to go with the flow and soon I
will be up and about again.
It has been several months now since my last trip and fall moment. I do find myself being more wobly even
with my cane. It does not scare me though, I accept that I will have moments of where I will fall and it
will hurt and I will move on.
My arthritis in my neck hurts from time to time as well. Who ever said getting old was easy? As my good friend
says "getting old is not for sissies." I think that statement is so right.
As the house comes together after renovating and order once again reins I find housework to be pleasant. I find
my old decorating style and comfort sets in as I view my style again. We live in our 90 year old home and I
marvel at how awesome it is.
When we moved in the original kitchen wood burner stove was still here. I wish it weren't so big because I would
have loved to keep it but we gave it to a niece of the orignal owener. I am happy it is in the family still. We
are trying to keep the look to the look back in the day. For some reason this place feels so nice to me.
It is a good home to grow old in. there is one small step to get on the porch and into the house. Again for our
older years this works real nice. With the wrap around porch there will be plenty of outside space if one of us
is in a wheel chair.
God told us to move from MI to VA and we did. Not a day goes by that I am not thankfull. I marvel at God's amazing
understanding of us and our needs. Junior did not want to retire but his back finally gave out. Out here we could
not find any contractors that wanted to work so Junior began the renovating process on his own. He has loved it as
I have as well. The work is hard for him but as he finishes a project I have such awe and wonder of my man.
Junior is getting to the point that he is tired and the constant renovating needs to slow down. I am not sure if he
will find someone to finish the work or not. We will see. He has had a job for many years now and he has been very
content in his work.
I am not sure where our next project or ministry is going to take us. I know though that my heart is asking God for
His will and somehow we will be moving in His direction not ours and I find comfort in that. What will this year bring
us? I am anxious to see.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
It is finally here, the New Year so I begin a new again. To me that is a great feeling
starting over with a clean slate. With my energy level more on the rise I find myself
wondering where my journey will take me this year.
Will I be able to go on a mission trip? Will I find a volunteer opportunity? As I get older
having the desire to be doing feels awful nice. I feel connected and useful. I find love
grows in my heart and in love I continue to grow. Yup being old isn't as scary as I once
thought it would be.
Old age teaches me many lessons as well. I learn to slow down and to move at a pace where
I can accomplish things. Gone are the hurry up and wait days. These days I tend to do my
day in slow motion and it works out real nice.
I find moments that I "see" things I never saw before. I see spring from the begining to
the end. Summer flowers come and go and I marvel at the next batch of colors that tend
to burst forth.
As a young person I found many spring days turned into summer before I realized it. I saw
winter as a long long season of despair. Here in VA the winter's aren't as harsh as they
are in MI so I tend to not mind winter. I even find beauty in the snow, the trees with no
leaves and the crunchy looking leaves on the ground in the woods.
As I slow down I also find prayer time to be more frequent. As I keep talking to God I find
peace and an acceptance of who I am. Yup life is sweet in my older years like I never knew it
could be.
This winter arthritis is showing its ugly side all over me. My arm will hurt and bad words form
at the back of my mind. Next I feel it in my foot and those bad words try to come back louder. My
Chronic Fatigue comes out after a day of running and I find myself sitting and napping. I can't help
the sleep it is on me before I know it. I need the sleep so I learn to go with the flow and soon I
will be up and about again.
It has been several months now since my last trip and fall moment. I do find myself being more wobly even
with my cane. It does not scare me though, I accept that I will have moments of where I will fall and it
will hurt and I will move on.
My arthritis in my neck hurts from time to time as well. Who ever said getting old was easy? As my good friend
says "getting old is not for sissies." I think that statement is so right.
As the house comes together after renovating and order once again reins I find housework to be pleasant. I find
my old decorating style and comfort sets in as I view my style again. We live in our 90 year old home and I
marvel at how awesome it is.
When we moved in the original kitchen wood burner stove was still here. I wish it weren't so big because I would
have loved to keep it but we gave it to a niece of the orignal owener. I am happy it is in the family still. We
are trying to keep the look to the look back in the day. For some reason this place feels so nice to me.
It is a good home to grow old in. there is one small step to get on the porch and into the house. Again for our
older years this works real nice. With the wrap around porch there will be plenty of outside space if one of us
is in a wheel chair.
God told us to move from MI to VA and we did. Not a day goes by that I am not thankfull. I marvel at God's amazing
understanding of us and our needs. Junior did not want to retire but his back finally gave out. Out here we could
not find any contractors that wanted to work so Junior began the renovating process on his own. He has loved it as
I have as well. The work is hard for him but as he finishes a project I have such awe and wonder of my man.
Junior is getting to the point that he is tired and the constant renovating needs to slow down. I am not sure if he
will find someone to finish the work or not. We will see. He has had a job for many years now and he has been very
content in his work.
I am not sure where our next project or ministry is going to take us. I know though that my heart is asking God for
His will and somehow we will be moving in His direction not ours and I find comfort in that. What will this year bring
us? I am anxious to see.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet
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