January 25 2014

January 25 2014
Greetings My Friend,
There it is again. I have that "thankfull" moment with God and again I am amazed that I
feel so content. After a lifetime of abuse and then starting a faith journey with the Lord
I find each and every day to be good.
I started feeling better with the Lord but I have had to walk through many trails to let go
of a lifetime of abuse and anger. From the start of my journey I was gratefull to know that
I never had to be alone again and I have felt hugged, loved and wanted for the first time in
my life.
I am a good 17 years into my faith journey now and for the first time ever I am happy almost
each and every day. I no longer fret that my ex may be out to hurt me in subtle ways. I no
longer worry if my family disowns me or thinks I am daffy. My contentment comes from God.
God keeps teaching me that I am valuable and that I matter very much. He places precious people
in my path that help me along the way. Sometimes these people are stepping beside me showing me
a new way and other times I am stepping beside someone else sharing what I have learned.
As we have settled into our new home state and community I find that life is not so confusing
anymore. I have routines and a purpose to my step each day. Junior continues to love me and I
fall deeper in love with him often.
In many ways Junior has been my teacher and for that I am gratefull. He has not been the most liked
person throughout his life and along the way he learned to lean solely on God. I have been growing
beside Junior and now I can say I am the same way. I love it.
 
I love that we both are on a faith journey as well. Gone are the days of trying to con my husband into
a faith journey. Gone are the days of trying to figure out how to walk close to God. It is so simple
and at the same time hard.
I think for me I tried too long to please man. I wanted man's approval and many people in my life pointed
out how worthless I was. I believed that lie. I was always striving to be liked, to be the "good" girl. The
harder I stived to be liked the more people pointed out that I was annoying. Then one day God hugged me
like I had never been hugged before. He wiped the tears from my eyes and said "Look up at Me."
When I finally started looking up instead of out I began to finally find that I did matter, I had value and life
began to change. A faith journey is a process and a good part of my process so far has been learning to
lean on God.
I like to "help" out a lot. I remember asking for "help" regarding something going on in my life. As I showered though
I found myself trying to help "God" out. I basically took the struggle back. At one point Junior made me a large
wooden cross. He hung it up with a shelf next to it. On the shelf was a small hammer and small nails. At this point
I began writing my struggle on a piece of paper and then I nailed it on the cross.
As I tried to "help" God out He would remind me that I nailed that to the cross. Slowly I began leaving my struggle
in God's hands. These days I don't need to physcially leave my struggle at the cross, I can give it to God and for
the most part I let it go right then and there.
I also realize that even though I am in a quiet moment of peace that I will have more lessons to learn. I may have some
hard years to work through. I am older. Junior is older so we have bodies that are not doing what they once did. Even so
I find that at this point I am not alone. God will guide me, hold me and help me to reach the next goal.
That brings me peace beyond measure. I look forward to the next phase of ministry God will bring me too. I don't know
what it is but I will enjoy it. Somehow God places on our hearts what we desire to do and then provides a way for us
to do it.
I want to give to God all that I am able. I like that feeling a bunch. In that I feel useful and productive. I have watched
some very ill people go through their struggle. As their bodies declined they found new "work" for God. Some began to
send out notes to others. Some prayed more so for others. I know that until my last breath I will have work and the work
will be what my body can handle. So I can't go on work mission trips anymore. I can write, I can call friends in need and
I find even the smallest thing I do can be an offering to God.
Who will you reach out to today?
May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.
Love
Janet