January 23 2014

January 23 2014

Greetings My Friend,

Here I go again. I love order and right now we are in the midst of a real cold winter. About now I start longing for spring. Spring is my favorite time of the year. It to me is about new beginnings and that thrills me each spring. I love that life re-news itself once more and all the new growth abounds. New babies, plants breaking through the earth and color begins to fill the air.

As I ponder this I begin a series of thoughts about how orderly life itself is. After winter every year will be spring and summer is after that. I also see other orderly things in nature. Day comes after night, a week follows an orderly amount of days and a month after weeks and finally a year after a series of months. A baby is born and grows. A young adult will get older. A child will lose their baby teeth and have adult teeth.

As I watch the green of spring I begin to see how flowers come and go until fall when winter will take all color away. If there is no snow then the outside color is muted. Leaves fall off the trees after a splendid showcase of changing colors. At this point I marvel at the order of life. God is awesome.

Sometimes when I am in the midst of turmoil I begin this series of thoughts. I marvel that God is truly in control. I find comfort in this. Even in the disasters of life there is order. After a fire new growth appears. Here I go again.

One of the marvels I had as I walked on my lunch hour in the city of Detroit was walking by old abandoned buildings. To me I felt God claiming His own again. I saw growth coming out of the cracks and trees often could be found growing in the middle of an old building. Again I felt God I sense God saying I will claim all that is not wanted.

I feel this in my own life. I struggled so hard to find my way in life. I wanted to be noticed and I did not feel noticed, wanted or worth much. At the end of myself I gave up and directed my heart to God. He has been claiming me ever since. I constantly feel wanted, cherished and of value these days.

One of the phrases I often reflect on is “I am a child of the King.” That does make me feel special each time I think about it. As a King's child I can be different and that is OK. I can march to a different drum. I am accepted for my unique ways. I love that feeling so much.

As I find my own unique ministry work I feel OK with what God has given me to do. In the start of this journey I wanted to be “Billy Graham” or “Joyce Meyers.” I felt then I'd be accepted loved and wanted. These days I am good with being a behind the scenes type of girl. I love it to be honest.

I have felt a need to write for most of my life. I tried for a bit when my children were young. Many years later I tried again. I had a friend step beside me and help me find my writing style. Another friend had me help with a newsletter for our church group. As I retired I entered into my writing journey.

Even in my writing journey I find that I have grown since I began. At first I told “my” story each detail. As the years have gone I am able to tell “my” story without naming names so to speak. A goal early on I felt was a need to reach out to abused people. I had been abused for over 40 years and I broke away. I wanted to reach back and let others know that there is hope and staying in abuse does not mean you deserve it. As I tried to leave my abuse I was told that my abuse was my fault and I needed to quit being so annoying.

The divorce came and I finally saw that no matter how hard I tried to read this man he was going to be angry with me. As I went in and out of counseling I learned that “NO One”has a right to hurt me even if I am annoying. So I want to offer the hope I have. It is Jesus who constantly tells me that I have worth and even that I am adorable.

I no longer listen to other people's opinion of who and what I should be. I find myself trying to please God not on my own but as I am in relationship with Him. As I read the Bible I learn that God will never have me go against His Word. Next I am in prayer and the more I pray I find I hear God's direction. As I do as I hear I find confidence. So in all of this I find order, God's order. I find comfort in God's design and life may have turmoil but as in the city I always see God's claim on the unwanted. That to me is awesome.

Sometimes I tend to find great comfort in seeing God's order in all things. I also have confidence in the ministry work God is calling me to. It isn't what I pictured. If I could not be famous then being a missionary abroad sounded awesome. God has taken my energy to a point so low I could hardly move out of my chair. As I went way down and began going back up again I found comfort in my own unique ministry and that “see me” need is gone.

I write about my faith journey the ups and downs, the ins and outs and I sense I am where I am supposed to be. As I go about day to day life and act silly I find a ministry to take a piece of “harshness” out of a person's day. Sometimes I make a phone call, write an e-mail and God has called me to reach out to another person.

I often find that the song Amazing Grace hits the mark. “I once was lost but now am found, was blind and now I see.”

May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.

Love

Janet