January 18 2014

January 21 2014
Greetings My Friend,
My thoughts tend to be deep in the Word lately. I have finally started to grasp that God is
One. I don't know how I fell into picturing God as one, Jesus as one and The Holy spirit as
a 3rd one. For years though it worked. I always believed they had the same agenda, were
connected somehow but I saw each one seperately.
Our Sunday school lesson recently taught how God is one. I know this but then I don't. It is a
very hard concept. Our lesson again pointed out the God is one. Jesus said "I and the Father are
one." So I "heard" this deeper than usual.
I started praying to the Holy Spirit years ago just to try to "meet" Him, to know Him. It has worked
because I have a deeper understanding of the Holy Spirit's infulunce in my life. Now I am operating on
the idea that I can be three in one. I am a wife, a mother and a grandmother. I have different roles that
I am at different points in my life. That makes sense and I often quoted it to others when in conversation
about "3 in 1." Still I had not fully pulled my own thinking into this concept.
This lesson began to roll around my brain and I believe I have grown into "three in one" thinking. It feels
good to be honest. Now my question tends to be that instead of a prayer time with the Father, then the Son and
finally with the Holy Spirit, I just pray to God. We will see.
I also see using all three would not be unlike me being a wife, a mother and a grandmother. By going to all three
I tend to see the different aspects of God's love, work in my life. At present I have not made up my mind but I
do know that I "get" it better.
Another thought I have been working on is that we are "to go forth and make diciples of all nations." I have a willing
heart to go forth but at times I feel a bit miffed as to what it looks like as well. I am becoming more settled in
not having to blurt out "God/Jesus" in every sentence I speak. I am learning to continue my daily time with God and in
that at times I start to sense when to mention God.
I also know the "hope" I have. I have not one but many stories about how God has helped me face life. As I realize that
I have many "stories" I tend to quiet my mouth down and I find myself waiting and listening for God to direct me more so.
I learn alongside of this that ministry is a moment by moment thing and not a total visible thing for others to see. Yes I
am seen from time to time but more importantly I tend to have a heart for God and my direction is more from God than from
what I want to do and at times to be "seen."
God wants my heart. I can't say one thing and do another. God see's through those "fake" times and it does no good. I strive
to be totally open to God and His ways, not mine. It is hard at times to let go of "me" in the scheme of things but as I
learn to let go I see "me" moving forward and a deeper love growing inside of me.
I am divorced and it was an abusive marriage. I don't hate this man though. These days I don't even live in fear as I have
in the past. I prayed and prayed but the fear would not leave me. I asked God about medication and with medication I am able
to finally leave that marriage where it belongs, in the past.
I still have moments but as I lift them up to God I find myself moving through those moments. Junior has not been in a war for
40 years now and he still has nightmares. Not like he used to but he will at times go back to those days. I realize I will
more than likely have my moments of remembering for the rest of my life. At present though I know I can move past those
moments with God's guidance and help.
I am free finally of the fear that has plagued me. That feels real nice.
I look forward to more lessons this year. Some lesson's will be hard and some will start to make sense. I am growing in the
Lord and that too me is awesome.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet