January 4 2014

January 4 2014
Greetings My Friend,
The coffee is starting to take effect and I am waking up and thinking a bit
clearer. It has been a morning where the waking up process has been hard. I
struggled figuring out the coffee pot. I thought it was plugged in and started
it a few times and when I looked it looked like it was plugged in. Cold water
came out each time I tried to pour a cup. Junior came in and attempted to plug
the pot in only to have more cold water.
We finally got the pot plugged in fully and the coffee brewed and slowly I was
able to start my wake up process. I then posted my blog on Hoot Suite only to
find that I'd keyed in the blog address wrong. So I deleted all the posts and
started over.
I guess today's lesson is starting over and keeping at it untill I get it. I have
and now things are moving along. I have not gotten angry and thrown things, swore
and the like. I must say I felt challanged and being paitient was a bit hard but
I managed to keep a civil tongue and and attitude.
Now that things are falling into place I am able to begin to function as I normally do.
I am anxious to start my day of writing, housework, excercise and Bible study along with
my prayer time.
We went shopping yesterday and I am anxious to put up the curtain rod I got for the front
and back door along with the valances. I am anxious to see if I will like this look or
not. I get to decorate again and as always I love that part of house up keep.
We drove out to Kingsport to the Best Buy so I could get my new computer back and use it
again. We drove 2 hrs there to find out that it could not be fixed and they refunded us our
money back. We looked around and are thinking of using Apple instead of Windows but there
wasn't a lot to choose from. We went to lunch and have decided that we can wait a week or
so and hopefully pick up a good sale. We will see.
Most nights lately find me thanking God for the joy I feel. With all the years of depression
leaving me and the realization that Junior wants to really stay with me till the end I find
joy inside of me. I again notice that our lives are mundane and I love it to no end. I love
the way we do day to day life without all the drama of years ago.
I even find myself thanking God throughout the day as well. So my morning struggle was a surprise
to me. That said I am so proud that I did not resort to the old anger I would have at one time
in my life.
Those moments continue to point to me that because of this faith journey I am a "new creation in
Chirst." I like that feeling a lot. As an abused child and wife I remember years of feeling so
hopeless and that I had no controll in my life. I was thrust into divorce and went screaming and
kicking. Years later I am so thankful for my 2nd chance at life.
Lately I find myself admitting that I did love my ex at one time. It has taken me years to admit that
I even loved this man. These days I admitt that I loved him and then I also thank God that I am out of
that war zone.
As I married Junior I learned that married life, life in general does not need to be filled with battle
after battle. We have our moments where we don't agree with each other. We are able to work our way through
these moments though and in that I don't mind that we argue on occassion.
Junior has always allowed me to tell him to "stop." He will stop his behavior that I ask him to and that feels
real nice as well. As he quits his behavior I find that I want to meet him and change those things about me
that tend to drive him nuts.
The more I am in this faith journey Agape love tends to become my standard goal. I feel Agape love from God
and then I find myself attempting to Apape love others in my path. It seems that the days of anger found others
who were angry and we fed off of each other. Today finding ways to love others tends to find others who are
willing to love me right where I am and then I learn to go deeper.
I also learn to move on when I am not received with love. That was my problem before. I wanted to prove to people
that I truly cared. I did but some people don't want to be loved and it is not my job to hit them over the head
with my love. I need to give it and if it is received well and good. If not then I need to let go and move on.
My "move on" model is from Jesus. As I read Scripture I see that He did not save everyone He met. As I realize that
He did not save everyone then I find myself realizing I don't have to save everyone. I also am an enabler and that is
not how God loves me. God does not give me all I want in my flesh. As I learn to love God my idea of what is right
and good begins to change and then I want the things God wants. Yup I like that more so these days.
I find myself not agreeing with the "world's" concept of "right" thinking. I disagree with a lot of the "politicaly
incorrect" thinking that is out there today. I also don't think that it is right to go around beating people up
for thinking differently than I do. They can have their thoughts and I can have mine.
I may be told that I "have" to be a certain way. Outwardly I may have to act a certain way. No one can change the way
I feel though. Same goes for those who think differently than I do. To me this seems the fair way to be accept people
where they are at....I don't have to agree but I also don't have a right to beat them or have a superior attitude. God
teaches me right from wrong and He is my standard. If another person disagrees that is their right but don't force "your"
ideas on me and I will let my "ideas" be known and then I will move on. I am not going to  be "what others think" I should be
for the sake of it all anymore. I am "me" you are "you" and we move through life.
May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.
Love
Janet