June 30, 2016

Greetings My Friend, We visited friends the other day and in the course of our conversations I learned about how my friend and her daughter lived a life with a husband who committed adultery and was a drunk. As they told their story I found myself over relating with the struggles they endured. When Junior and I went home I was not upbeat like I usually am, even writing my Facebook page that night reflected a lot of sadness about relationships. The more I thought about it I realized that my friends story triggered my PTSD. I have come to see Junior's triggers rather easily but my own triggers I am not as in tuned with. After a good nights sleep I woke up and my mood had disappeared. I see Junior go through the same process. For some reason a good nights sleep allows the problem to pass. I also understand how deeply I was hurt from all the trauma I dealt with in life. People seem to think we can turn our emotions on and off, the sad fact our emotions appear out of the blue. Learning to know what triggers our hurt helps us a lot and even then we end up in the middle of a situation where we can not walk away from is difficult. I know our friends also needed to say "out loud" the pain she felt, people do not want to listen especially when we get on that one track where we can not get away from it. Today medication is helping me stay on top of my PTSD fairly well and at the same time a movie, a conversation can bring all the pain roaring back and we are living in the midst our pain again. Sometimes I know when I see Junior in the midst of his pain I can do something as simple as putting my hand on him and verbally changing the subject will help him come out of his struggle. He has not learned my triggers because I felt his was worse than mine so I stuffed what was going on inside. Through counseling I learned my PTSD is as bad for me as his is for him. It does not matter if one seems worse for the person the pain is that painful. Today I attempt to bring Junior up to date with my struggle. He was surprised I was struggling because he did not see it in my face. I am learning to tell him and I am praying that soon he will see me when I am in the midst of the struggle. I don't have spells of anger, I am extremely sad and defeated. Junior has anger and he works hard at keeping it under control. I know to start taking charge when his anger begins to flare. Today while driving someone was following too close and his anger started flaring. I told him to pull over and let the guy pass, at first he said no and then right after that he pulled over. He knew I was right. It was not worth all the anger he was building towards. He is more sensitive to tailgaters since our accident a few weeks ago. I hear him comment when someone pulls up on his bumper. He does not want to get hit again. After he let the guy pass Junior settled down and we went on our way. He said he was glad we thought that one out. I am grateful to God who put it on someone's mind to make medication that helps us deal with our struggles. This medication allows us to enter more fully into our life today. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 25, 2016

Greetings My Friend, The blood work has been taken, the ENT appointment has been made and I am waiting in peace. I was fretful, wanting to be looked at more fully and now I am content. The answers may be in one of the tests, the ENT appointment or it may not but we have started looking for answers. I notice the areas muscle groups that seem to tire rather easily, manage my walking better using the walker, sitting for a few hours after expending physical energy for a couple of hours doing housework,cooking and such. The wheelchair is on order waiting for my PCP to fill out the paperwork. That too is in the works. I sense God telling me to prepare for winter by putting up food and making quilts. I prepare my body by doing squats, with the hand rails Junior put on the wall and doing the exercises I learn in VT for my ears. I continue to eat healthier, I made my first peanut butter "no bakes" with honey and butter instead of frosting and I made them smaller. This year I have started checking the pollen levels daily which help me stay on top of my allergies. Father God has told me to do and now I wait for answers and preparing helps me keep my focus instead of being fretful. I am amazed how God advises, warns and then puts into action, for me and for our country. I learn to listen and in listening to God in regards to my health I see the same lesson for the world and our nation as well. He lays out what "right living is in His Word. He teaches what punishment will be dealt if we stray from Him and His Word and in the right time He will exact that punishment. I can choose to open my heart to what God is teaching me or trust in science only. God uses science to heal me, sometimes it is from His creation my healing will come and my body is responding to it. Someday's I do not use my as needed inhaler, essential oils will settle the tightness in my chest, other days I need the as needed inhaler. Sometimes God lets me know that I have a stronghold that needs to be looked at. I ponder it, find He is right and then I ask for forgiveness, at that point He begins to teach me how to walk away from it. Right now I am struggling with discussing a hurt. I am trying to learn, to walk through it so I talk to others. God is teaching me that the time has come for me to bring the hurt to Him and Him alone. I used to tell Him, tell others and in that I was able to work through the hurt, I found His answers in a friends comments. Today he wants me to leave it all with Him. This is hard but I am working on it. I am better but I have not gotten all the way there yet so I continue to ask Father God to help me and He does. In my weakness of body I find a strength I never knew I had. This strength is not of my making, it is God's teaching and loving hand guiding me. My thought is changing to the strength I have is God's strength in me. With His strength I am able to face many trials. After each trial I am amazed at how capable I am because of Him. My body will continue to decline due to it aging, maybe to the illness I have that is yet to be discovered but I trust God with the outcome. I pray our nation will walk with God again and trust His hand more than our might. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord. Love Janet

June 28, 2016

Greetings My Friend Their are fires in California again, this time the fire doubled overnight. Floods are severe and causing severe damage all around our country, the world. There have been record snows and other natural disasters all around the world. The terrorists are hurting more and more people all around the world. These are what comes quickly to mind which makes me see God has begun pronouncing His judgement on us. The lesson in Hosea 4 shows me that God is aware of our heart and our false ways of worshiping Him. He announces over and over the things He sees and how the people are worshiping Him. He tells them He withheld rain, struck them with blight and mildew, sent pestilence and at the end of each judgement God states "yet you did not return to me," declares the Lord. He hated the false sacrifices the people brought to Him and the way they worship other God's. Comparing our day back to the Bible shows us that God still wants all of our attention and wants to us listen to His commands. He is pronouncing judgement on us because we have become a nation that chooses to not offend man but to choose to offend Him, the one true God. Those that are believers, Bible believing, reading believers are seeing God speak to us and we know that the warnings will continue. We get caught up in technical arguments of which sins are the worst not realizing the sin of lying is as awful to God as the sin of adultery. The one committing adultery is no better than the gossip. God sees the heart of each of us. He knows if we are truly trying to walk away from sin or just doing it to look good. Why are the terrorists gaining a foothold on all of our lives? It is because God is calling them to pronounce judgement. He will turn them away and they will be defeated only when we confess our sins to the one true God, the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob, the Father of our Lord Jesus. There are not many ways to heaven, there is only one way and our God is a jealous God. He wants us to choose Him. He longs for each of us to give our "heart" to Him. We can not connect with God's spirit unless we believe in His Son and allow the Holy Spirit to change us. God is calling each of us to Him, who will listen and repent? I pray all of us will and then to seek the Spirit of God to join with our spirit and to grow us into the image of His Holy Son. May the peace of Christ be with you. Love Janet

June 23, 2016

Greetings My Friend, The warning are out there, I see them and hear them on the news and on the internet. One singer states "Lock and load America." The Prime Minister of Israel warns us that not only the LGBT community has been attacked but groups around the world are being attacked from movie theaters to schools, to many other places. When an attack happens everyone starts saying "not all Muslims...." True not all but the radicals are a force to take notice of and stop the "not all" talk. We can't see who are the good guys and who are the bad guys so we need to be wary. Many times we hear when a Muslim attacks a community we hear "They were such a nice person." We can say the same for the illegals, not all are bad. My question is how do we know who is who? Having them enter our country legally would help us to easier identify the good illegals. What about the illegals who are being told one thing only to be brought into our country under oppression? Is that fair? I do not think so. Are we listening to God? I do not think so. He tells us that trouble is coming often. He tells us He will pronounce judgement and we believe we are listening while all around us we go about our lives as we always have. How many Germans believed they were doing the right thing rounding up Jews and sending them to death camps? Many Christians justified themselves. We look back in horror on those years at what inhumanity was done. Are we listening America? Have we learned from history or are we in the throws of repeating it again? We are leaving God out of our national lives so we do not offend and we worry because why? Should we not be more concerned about offending God? If we as a nation stood by our founding and our Christian heritage then we would be seeking God's will. If we were seeking God's will we would be seeking the highest good of our people instead of lining our pockets thinking that our power and might will always sustain us. We would treat the LGBT community with compassion while disagreeing. We would not seek to destroy them. We seek to stop abortion not because we are not concerned for women but because women are hurt having an abortion. Again I see the problems women who have abortions face, such as depression, a higher rate for breast cancer facts that get reported and glossed over. A good number of people in the LGBT community suffer with extreme unhappiness, the domestic abuse in their group is very high. As a loving nation should we not seek to help them deal with these problems instead of being concerned about their getting married? Are they counseled? Are our straight couples counseled on marriage? Why do we not have classes anymore teaching young people how to manage a home, cooking, caring for their family and shop teaching them to work on cars, build things with wood? Not all young people are college material and our nation needs a variety of workers giving us a well rounded work force. God is teaching me to dehydrate food, through Youtube, to relearn how to sew and to plant fruits and vegetables. I have learned most of these skills in the past, found myself so caught up in making a living, going to school and raising a family that I left these skills behind. He is warning us and are we asking to be forgiven, attempting to come back to a simpler way of life? Those that listen are? Those that believe will work at paring down their lives so they will be able to live more simply. When the judgement comes we will all say that God had warned us. May the peace of Christ be with you. Love Janet

June 21, 2016

Greetings My Friend, "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’” I keep hearing this message in my spirit. I also hear the songs "Come labor on, who dares stand idle on the harvest plain, while all around him grows the golden grain and Watching and waiting looking above lost in His goodness and lost in His love." I sense that the believers are being called to the work the Lord has gifted them to which is go forth into all the world making disciples of all nations and tribes." As a believer we do not know the hour or the day but we are called to watch for the signs much like we watch for summer turning to fall. Slowly I sense the teaching how to walk daily the walk of faith is changing to a warning is being given. My first thought is does this line up with the Word of God? The reading of God's Word shows me that God sends people ahead with the warning. I see that God is patient and He allows for time to repent as a people and as a nation and I believe as a world. The time is here to repent. If we do not repent with a sincere heart soon the judgement will come. Many want to blame the sins on one group not looking at their own sins. God is calling all of us to take a long hard look at our own lives and to admit our own sins for we all have them, me included. God is patient because He wants us all to discover He is the truth, the only God and no other. We are called to accept His only Son and if we are willing to do this with a sincere heart we then can have the opportunity to be under grace. Is the coming judgement on the United States? The civilized world? Or is it the final judgement? I do not know. God tells us what He hates, which is not just one group of people. He hates adultery, sexual perversions, lying, cheating, not standing up for the poor, the widow, the orphan, using wrong weights, homosexuality, murder for the sake of murder. I believe He is against abortion and I come to this thought by the things I read in the Bible not just Psalm 39. God hates when children are sacrificed, are ripped out their mother's wombs. God teaches me that He is a God of life, not death. God will forgive each of the above sins if we are ready to confess with a sincere heart and accept Jesus as their Savior. Many Muslims have and are coming to the Lord, as are Jews, homosexuals, adulterers, thieves, addicts, bikers, prostitutes and backsliding Christians. "Amen" means "agree with God." How often do we say that word? This is what a faith journey is, it is agreeing with God that His ways are right and just. Each believer who follows God and His Word agrees with God. I try and do so as much as I am able through the Holy Spirit. It is a journey to get to agreeing, to live in agreement and to go forth in agreement with God. When I fall down I need to take another hard look at my thinking and my ways and then come back to God and repent and let the Holy Spirit grow me again in my faith journey. David fell from God's grace and he repented and was once again walking in God's grace. He had another son, Beersheba bore that son because she repented. God will forgive us if we will listen and repent. The time is at hand. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’” May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 18, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Something is coming. I do not know what it is, what day it will be but something is coming. God is sending out His warnings and if we as a nation, as a world do not listen God will set His correction on us. God states rather clearly what He does not like in His Word. He does not like adultery, sexual immorality, homosexuality, stealing, using dishonest weights and measures and the list goes on. We see a good representation in the 10 commandments and if He felt compelled to give them to us then He means it too. Many people stop right at the "does not like homosexuality" and feel God is unfair. The thing is God loves us all until our last breath. If at the last breath we have not given our heart to Jesus and allowed the Holy Spirit to change us we have chosen our way not God's. God allows us to choose our way too and He also sets the limits of our choosing Him, it is our final breath. We will either live eternally in heaven or hell. It is our choice and Jesus, the whole Bible talks about hell a lot. It is real just as heaven is real. Many say that God won't let us....God does not want us in hell but He also set the standard by which we can choose heaven. We can not blame God, we need to blame ourselves. God has warned us in His Word, has shown us in His Word and will execute judgement just as His Word says He will. We need to be thankful that God has wanted none of us to perish so He has waited patiently but the day of Judgement will come. God wants the adulterer to choose Him, the thief to choose Him, the Muslim, the homosexual, all people to choose Him. If God wants all people to choose Him then I need to do my part of bringing the Good News to the world around me. I love all people until I am given a reason not to. I will not allow those I love to be hurt, myself to be hurt. When war is declared against me and my people I want to defend my/our way of life, our God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob because this is the God that we followed when our country was formed. I believe it is wrong to subvert our beliefs to be nice to those who do not believe in our God. I have no problem with other people living beside me/us but our country was founded on the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. We should not change that, other countries do not change the god they worship so others will be more comfortable. Changing our history does not make it true. Lying is lying no matter how much we pretty it up to be. I can not change my past, I can learn and grow from my mistakes but I can not change my past. God sent the prophets and then His Son. Jesus is not just a good man or phrophet. God commands me to love my neighbor as myself so I will love the lost, the lonely and the hurting alongside of everyone else. He is the Lord and Son of God. There is no other way into heaven but through Jesus our Lord and Savior. I urge us as a people of the earth to turn from our sinful ways and turn to God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 16, 2016

Greetings My Friend There are times I find myself feeling very critical or the need to place blame so that I do not have to face what is going on in my own life. The blame game and critical one up on someone is a slow descent into darkness. I feel good for a season and then soon I can not see any good in life at all. A way I try to counteract these unsavory habits is to set my mind on being thankful for each and every part of my life. Some mornings when I wake up I begin with being thankful for another day to grow and to live in that growth. The more I get the run around about my health it is easy for me to get discouraged. When I refocus on what I am learning as my PCP and I work at finding out what is wrong I begin to see that this journey of finding out is helpful. With each potential diagnosis I do research. The research teaches me to handle muscle weakness and fatigue, I am able to share about the many invisible illness' that there are and how a handicap is not always visible to the eye. I find a lot of pain physical and mental pain associated with invisible illness' which offers me a chance to pray for people. I am ready for a plan of action in regards to my disability but in the meantime I learn the things I need to learn. As a young woman I did not like all the junk I grew up in and was bitter for many years. The older I get I find myself having compassion and understanding. To me it is learning to forgive and to allow myself to see with a new set of eyes. The dysfunctions I went through are what made me who I am today. I am stronger because I lived through it and learned not to be bitter. I wish I did not have to endure what I endured and at the same time I have moments of thankfulness. I am dependable because my parents gave me responsibilities, some which were beyond my years. I am an organizer because of the chaos I lived through. In general these traits are what define me today. Because I lived with chaos I am able to live alongside a man who sees no need to put his things away after he is through working. I am thankful that God loves me even when I make mistakes. I am thankful for correction because in that correction I grow and learn. Sometimes I ask a lot of questions, pout because of the hard work that changing requires and one day I see I have grown. Moving out of "that is not fair" is one of the biggest joys in my life. Life is not always fair and I learn that the only way change can happen is when it starts with me. The starting with me requires me to look to God more often to seek His guidance. The more I change listening to God the stronger my faith in Him grows. I learn to thank God all throughout the day now and that thankfulness brings a sense of awe over me. Slowly I see God's consistency and faithfulness to me. This process teaches me to trust and to believe which deepens my faith in Jesus. That is another thing, the more I see the cross the more I realize how Jesus knows the everyday pain of life in a fallen world. He walked, felt it and died for it only to rise from the grave and ascend into Heaven. This whole process opens my eyes to the fact that our God is a living and loving God. I can trust He truly wants my best which invites me to get up from each fall and try again. I am grateful that I was able to reconcile my struggles with my Dad before he died. I felt close as we walked into his last days together and with the family. Mom on the other hand has been a journey more after her death for me to reconcile. Right off I knew I had forgiven her and myself but I could not understand what made her to be the hard woman she was. God let me live with the indifference for a long time before He revealed how she struggled and how it hardened her. Through it all I admired her will to push past Dad's polio and forge a life for us. Today I marvel at her strong effort to provide for us. Her struggle is not my struggle but living beside her I learned loyalty, hard work and determination. Being Dad's care giver taught me compassion and to overcome the difficulties in life. Out of that chaos I was forged into the woman I am now. For that I am grateful. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 14, 2016

Greetings My Friend, We all have a past and want to blame this past for our current problems. Part of the past is the stuff we dealt with in childhood so we are still angry with what was done to us. For me it took years to reconcile the wrongs done to me. I also did not know how to get past the hurts and how to deal with life more effectively. Counseling was a stepping stone out of the despair I felt although it was not the full answer. I started seeing that blaming and anger was taking me nowhere fast so along with counseling I started to "fake it until I made it." I started joking and finding things to laugh about generally some defect I had. If I could look at my flaws then I felt I would find all of us have defects which then would make me real. Somehow though like counseling I only made tiny baby steps towards finding inner peace. What has made the most difference for me is my faith journey. The other steps were good first steps but the faith journey was the piece that truly helped me find peace and contentment in life. If no one likes me I know God loves me so deeply and fully that the hurts are comforted in me like nothing I have experienced. The more I walk with Jesus the more I find my value is only what God thinks of me. Jesus stretched out His arms and died for me and for each of us. Just as God provides the food for us we must go out and get it, we must also accept this gift of Jesus. Today I still have struggles with PTSD because of my past. It does not rule me as it once did though. When I feel scared I find myself asking God to help me through the situation. God has and always will guide me. He sent us to live here in SW VA which made no sense at the time. Today I see that the quiet country side keeps me settled and when the pain of the past does flare, I am able to work through the pain. Sometimes I am in frequent conversations with Jesus because of the pain I feel rearing in my life. These conversations are filled with hugs and my tears are wiped off. I all of a sudden feel stronger and then God seems to push me to get up and face the struggle. Being in a faith journey does not mean we never struggle with our past it does mean we learn how to handle that pain. I also find there are some people who are more comfortable in their pain and prefer to stay there. For a moment I have empathy and then I find that the person does want to learn new ways to cope so I need to leave them stuck. As with each part of a faith journey God teaches how to work through things just as he provides the food and then we have to go get it, it is the same with our healing. If we are not willing to take that first step then you are left there until you choose to take it. I believe this is why some Christians do not move past the first few steps in their faith journey while others may take years to move from step to step. I myself had a hard time moving full steps behind the scenes though I find that I have been taking baby steps depending how long I have struggled. I love Jesus because I am loved even in my baby steps faze and He waits gently for me to understand the things I need to learn. I also am learning to see and hear instructions better. When I married the first time I fainted at my wedding, I was sick to my stomach and I insisted going through with the wedding. After 24 years of marriage and I looked back at this event I see God was speaking to me and I was not listening. I was worried about all the people who came to see us get married and I was not concerned about what God was telling me. God was speaking as firmly as He could and I insisted on doing it my way. I tried to make things right and make that decision fit into God's will. It did not work, it won't ever work, we have to be willing to submit to God even if it does not make sense. Today I am more adept at hearing God's directions which means there are times I am not on track too. I now know to repent and God will then begin leading me in the direction I need to be in. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 11, 2016

Greetings My Friend, I keep seeing how God wants me to live my life as I read the Bible. I see His instructions in both the OT and the NT too. He wants me to be honest, use honest weights and measures, be humble, honor Him with my first fruits and the list goes on. Today while reading my morning study I also see that God knows there are those who refuse to see His awesomeness. We know those that truly don't want to hear the Good News and no matter how hard we try they will refuse to hear. Sometimes I want to go the extra mile to get a person to understand the gift I have been given and today I see that I can try but I do not need to wear myself out trying. I can live as Godly as I can with the Holy Spirit's help. I can have a defense of why I believe when I am asked and after a bit I need to move on. I liken my actions to seed planting. The seed is planted in the soil and we do not see the transformation of that seed until it starts to pop through the earth. We planted the seed and then we watered it and the sun warmed the earth enticing the seed out of the earth. The rain nourished the seed and one day it is coming forth. Today I believe that I am a seed planter of God's Word. I may do it with words, how I treat others or even how I manage my own life in my faith. When I understand that coming to a faith in Jesus is one step here and one step there I find it easier to present what I know, live what I believe. Some will come to a faith and some will not. I have done what I can to spread God's loving kindness. Ultimately God is the one who will be the one who speaks to the unbeliever's soul and bring them fully into His Kingdom. I sense God wants me to do my part and then let Him do the rest. In the meantime I need to live humbly, do not seek to make those who choose not to see, to see. I need to be right with God leave it in His hands. I need to be on guard in my own journey so that I do not become prideful. For me my walk in faith is a day to day learning and growing experience. Some days I am right on target and some days I have wandered off into a field somewhere. When I find myself wandering I need to take hold of my thoughts and train them back into God's Word. I find that as I seek to reach out to others I need to reach back to myself as well. By consistently learning to keep my eyes focused on the cross I stay on target to the mission I am given. God has gifted me with my own special job within His Kingdom so I need to not get involved in so much activity that I loose sight of His desire for me. My daily alone time with God is how I am able to stay focused. I love this quiet time I spend with God. I read His Word and think about the lessons I find in the Word. To me it is the studying I love to do. I get to ask a ton of questions and I am in awe when those questions begin to turn into answers for me. Sometimes I share what I learn and sometimes I realize that what I am learning is for me alone. It is awesome to be a student in my journey of faith. The more I am settling into retirement I once again am enjoying the special quiet time I loved when I worked. It has been a journey to get back to this point and now that it is here again I am thrilled beyond words. Some mornings I wake up early, do my Bible study and then go back to bed.Other mornings I get up, dig into my study and then get my day started. Either way I am grateful to have this special time alone with God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 9, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Since getting a functional kitchen last winter I find myself enjoying it a whole lot. I love making home made bread, jam, applesauce and this week I started dehydrating strawberries. Canning seemed to huge a task which I am not up to these days but dehydrating sounded like something I could tackle. My first attempt at dehydrating was solar dehydrating which proved to be a flop. I then decided to try using an electric dehydrator and my first attempt was a success. I am making less processed meals these days and I am proud of this accomplishment. I am even making things that I can take for a quick meal on the road which means we are not eating at fast foods as much. Moving out of the kitchen I have finally gotten a sewing machine I can figure out and I am in the process of making a 2nd quilt. I ordered bandannas from a wholesale place on line and I ordered the same size bandanna's to make it. It happens that I received a pack that was a different size, larger. I have figured out how to use them to fill in the sides of the quilt which is not quite the size of the sheet I am using as a back to the quilt. The amazing thing about all of this is my mind is functioning again in a way that it has not in a few years. My health issues played havoc with my thinking for such a long time that I was concerned I would never come back. I am not where I once was but today I am a whole lot better. For me getting my mind to be active again has been a journey not unlike getting my body to be active again. For the longest time I set my thinking on how a room needed to be decorated, how to work with Junior on planning out the room to best suite our needs as he renovated. This simple little start has helped me to work up to learning new things and even how to do old things in a new way as my handicaps inside of my body keeps leaving me. I am scared of what is going on more because of the unknown. I am also thankful because God keeps guiding me to going further than I thought possible. He continues to be my hope which is my motivation to keep on going. As I focus on God and He brings me to deal with these huge life changes I find I am grateful. In a logical worldly way this does not make sense but in a spiritual way I am starting to understand more fully God's awesome power. This is where I meet God in awe of Him. I learn to accept the changes sometimes in long drawn out ups and downs of emotions. He continues to hear my fear, calm my fear and then sends me into the day again. I no longer believe I can achieve perfection on one try. I do see that one step leads to the next and then to the next. God is on each step with me allowing me to fall, to try again and one day I discover that I have made it to the next step up. Each step of this journey seems to keep moving upward. For the longest time I felt that God would give up on me if I could not master that first step, the second and so on. Today I know He accepts me at each step just as He did the first day I gave my heart to Him. I feel this is much like when Junior asked me to marry him and right after he asked me if I was willing to be married to him for the rest of my life. I made the commitment and now I see he means it too, I no longer worry that he is going bail on me when the going gets tough. This is the commitment I feel with God and now I feel safer with my walk. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 7, 2017

http://lettersfromjanetblogspot.com Greetings My Friend Each day in my Bible study journal I ask this question: "How can I serve others today?" My answer reflected on what I had studied which was in 1 Timothy. Timothy was advised by Paul, "Avoid the irreverent babble and contradictions of what is falsely called knowledge, for by professing it some have severed from the faith." Sometimes I think I have a tendency to listen to all kinds of thoughts about what God is saying. It is easy to get myself on a rabbit trail that leads to no where. My reading these days is not what it was in my younger days so I have made my first priority to read the Bible each day and I do little more in depth reading than this I am content. I no longer listen to Christian talk radio either so my thinking is mainly what I am learning as I read the Bible. I do listen to a sermon on Sunday and I study in Sunday school so I am getting a deeper understanding of the Bible. My cousin Dawn and I have long chats on what we are learning as we read our Bible. Dawn is a reader so she reads all kinds of Christian books on relationships and such. I enjoy our talks a lot. After contemplating my journal question I felt the answer was "Read the Word, live the Word and give the Word." Lately "give the Word" seems to be do it without using words or in other words "live the Word." My biggest desire is for people to understand that there is an end to this life and then eternity. That eternity thing is never going to change life after that will stay the same day in and day out forever. I fear for people who make no decision about their faith, just going through life enjoying it or not and then they die and this is what stops me cold, that word forever and ever and ever. I never wanted to be a Bible thumper pounding the sins of the people over their heads. I do want them to realize we are sinners though and we need to face that fact. It does not matter what was done to you through the years and that is why you behave as you do. I have felt these moments myself, how was I going to change, it is not my fault that such and so a thing happened to me. The sad fact is we are the ones that can live in that hurt or we can confess it, give it to God and allow Him to change us. I find living out my faith to be the best way I know how to spread the Gospel. A long time ago when I was upset with my life the way it was and I felt I had no control a friend told me it was up to me to change the script. There was going to be no changing until I began to change my life. I resented this piece of information because I felt I was always trying and the other person was not. Years later I see the truth in this statement. I did begin to change my script in life. I went back to school, I got a job and eventually found my way to Jesus. I remember confessing and the freedom that seeped through me. I learned that God takes me right where I am at and He loves me too much to leave me there. This has been true in my life. Today my living my faith is the hope I truly have. This hope speaks to those that see me and want to change. Some say they want to change but they keep living the same way. I have learned to see these people and I love them for a season. Because God won't let me stay where I am for long I find I need to move along. Sometimes I meet someone who truly wants to change and all of a sudden God slows me down and shows me how to mentor the person. Help is there for everyone if they truly want it. I find my help in my day to day walk in the Lord to be the best place to change. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 4, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Having disabilities means the need to constantly do a mental check of what is happening inside the body. For me right now Chiari Malformation and Ataxia are in the back of my mind as I attempt to stay on top of my asthma. Until this week I had forgotten how summer weather although a wonderful time of the year as far as weather, it is a difficult time in regards to allergies. The days on end with rain has meant the mold is up, when the rain stopped I thought the allergens would have been lower but instead they are high and humidity brings other problems. Right now I feel like I am fighting hard to keep from having my symptoms turn into bronchitis. I am using my as needed inhaler more, my breathe essential oils more and I am taking a lot more vitamin C, with all of this attention so far bronchitis has been kept at bay. Added to making sure I am on top of medications I find I am needing to stop and take a nap more frequently. No matter how hard I push myself I have to nap. I am calling these extra naps my rest in God time. If I allow myself to take these naps I find I can wake up with enough energy to do a few things and by working around the house as I am able I have that sense of accomplishment. When I sit and can not do things I get discouraged and eventually I am depressed so I am grateful I am able to work even if it is a little bit. For the time being I am grateful that I have worked until I understand how to cope with Chiari and Ataxia. I can go on auto pilot while I cope with asthma which means most of the summer. Last summer asthma took me by surprise and in the fall I realized I had struggled most of the summer. This summer I am more aware of what to expect so I am hoping I am able to deal more effectively with my symptoms. I see that Junior has learned his weak areas and knows how to work around them which after 40 some years are well ingrained into his lifestyle. With this as my example I hope within a few years all of my limitations will be 2nd nature too. I know too that traveling and major distances should be done in early spring or in the fall. This way I can enjoy the visits and sightseeing much more. The heat of summer is to be enjoyed at home on the porch more in the evenings maybe some in the mornings as the pollen settles down. God has worked with me teaching me to be comfortable at home and the need to run no longer consumes me. I fill my days doing things at home and enjoy myself. Learning to do this has also taught me to enjoy a simpler life that does not need to be filled with some sort of excitement or drama anymore. I find the more I enter into a quiet life the more I love life. I am grateful that Junior was comfortable with the quiet life when I met him. I knew I would like it, I had desired it and at first it was hard for me to enter into it. I did not realize how addicted to drama I had become so letting go was hard work. It has been worth all the hard work though. The simple life also allows me time to work slower and at to take time outs as I need them. I find that the work gets done, sometimes it takes longer to get it all done but it gets done and next week is another chance to do better. I have loosened my strict self standards and in that process I enjoy day to day life so much more. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 2, 2016

Greetings My Friend One of the things I find surprisingly comforting when I am out in the wheelchair is people "see" me. When I was a young mother I befriended a lady who was in a wheelchair for most of her life. She told me that when she was out with her husband people would talk about her as if she was not there. Nearly 40 years later I find when I am in the wheelchair people talk to me and ask questions. That is refreshing. I am amazed at the helpful hands that are willing to assist me. I struggle regulating the speed of the scooters while I am shopping and I miss my mark hitting a display often. People who are near reach over and move the display or pick up the spilled items. I am thankful for tender kindness as I figure out how to do things. It is hard enough learning to handle my body, my equipment and then trying to right the wrong I created so the hand out is appreciated. I see that some people with gait problems are sometimes mistaken for being drunk, I have experienced this too. That hurts even when I am trying to explain that I am not drunk. For me I am attempting to learn grace in another way. My goal is to explain and then walk away the best I can. To be honest I am grateful to semi bypass this situation rather quickly because I am in the wheelchair out in public. I still have adopted the mindset if my explanation does not help I know I am not drunk and God knows. For some reason this quiets me. I also see on some faces I meet that they do not believe I am so bad that I need a wheelchair. Again I attempt grace for myself, people can believe what they want I know this is working for me and God knows. The part of learning that God knows teaches me I am placing my trust in God's acceptance and letting go of "man's" acceptance. I am better at this endeavor and I am still growing in it which means sometimes I let "man's" acceptance matter too much. Much like most of my faith journey thus far I continue to learn to rely on God to help me make it through my life. In a round about way I see that His allowing this disability into my life has allowed me to keep refining my faith and growing me stronger. I wish I did not have to deal with all of the changes and at the same time I find peace as I learn to accept this is what my life is. I am amazed when I have peace and acceptance with a body that is breaking down before I was ready for it to. I felt that I tried to take care of my body, live right then I should stay able bodied longer. My refocus on this now is I am grateful for taking care of my body because it helps me to move through the changes and may have even been longer in arriving. I can accept this and move on or I can bemoan it and wallow in it. I admit that the process has been a long one especially when I did not know why I was falling apart. I lost a few friends who thought I was being dramatic, turned to Junior too much and such. God, Junior and my doctor have walked with me grew with me and encouraged me. I am once more fairly independent as I am able. It is cute when I am transferring from the truck to the wheelchair how Junior watches out for me and I am thankful for the helping hands the reach out when I misjudge the scooter. Overall I am finding more positive people these days. This process has taught me who my true friends are. That too is a blessing and a wake up call that some friends are in my life for a short time and other friends are here to stay. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet