January 30 2016

January 30 2016 Greetings My Friend There I was, preparing to do my morning devotion, Bible study time. I can hardly wait for this moment most mornings and I miss it when I can’t get to it for a day. I finish my wake up time on Facebook, check out e-mails, eat breakfast and have a cup of tea. (Coffee does not agree with me lately). My mind is beginning to engage and I am able to think so I enter into my Bible study time with excitement. I pull up the day’s Scripture reading from an on-line study guide for the ESV Bible. I write out the headings for my journal starting with “What is on my mind today.” I like this part because I am able to journal for a bit about the things that are bothering me or I find interesting etc. The next heading is “What can I talk to God about today?” Sometimes I talk to God about a problem, sometimes I am thankful and sometimes I have a prayer request. The journal is teaching me that even the littlest things are important to God. I am learning that much of my walk with God is not going and doing, He likes to be alone with me to give me rest. I am learning if I am still and quiet I will know what work He wants me to do and I am able to let go of frantic activities for the sake of doing. My walk is becoming more focused. In the jumble of my thoughts I come back to the thought “I have a need an urge to study, to learn and to grow. I have a need to be a student.” I again notice that I derive the most enjoyment out of my study in the Word. At first I did Bible studies written by others and I enjoyed them. Our move to Virginia seemed to dry up study guides because where we are at. I went online but I made the most headway when I found the current journaling format on Pinterest. Recently I have liked the idea of scrapbooking so I did another check on Pintrest for Bible studies using the scrapbooking idea and I found one. I am just starting to add this to my journaling. Some do the scrapbook idea to their Bible. Since I have started journaling I felt this was where I wanted to scrapbook. I have been learning to do some crafting and I find that my crafts seem to taken on my passion of faith. I believe that I am making a commitment to walk with God with the expression of faith I use in my creating. I wear jewelry that reflects my Christian walk with Jesus not to brag but to remind myself to the decision I have made years ago. I am learning to give God my all. I recall growing in God’s ways more and more and then one day God asked if I would give Him more of myself to Him? My first thought was “I am!” The more I reflected on this I discovered how hard it was to say “yes.” I began a discussion with God that went like this.”But Father, I ….” God told me, “Just do it.” He was not allowing me to use any excuse. Finally I told God I would and that is when the anxiety started to leave me. Next I discovered that I was not worrying as much about what so and so thought. I was more worried about what God thought. After a lifetime of attempting to please people it was becoming less important. I know that I have many more lessons to learn, a lot more work to do and I am excited to continue my education in God’s university of life, not man’s. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Jane

January 28 2016

January 28 2016 Greetings My Friend I see the vision more fully. One section of the wall still needs to be torn down. Junior has started moving partially finished cabinets over to the window. The new gas stove over there. The microwave has been moved and the rough look is taking shape. Add to the scene is newly fallen snow covering the trees in the woods and on the ground. It a beautiful scene from our kitchen window. Les calls Junior often and the men talk for long periods. Junior has learned the art of puttering around the kitchen cleaning while talking on the phone so the chaos he generally works in is not so cluttered. I am dealing with things being moved around again so finding where the silverware is or some pans is still confusing. The good thing is the confusion is not as drastic as has been. I am dealing with it better. With the cold weather Junior has had to stop to fix a few frozen pipes and then insulate them. This time around I am not frustrated or annoyed. I get the process. Five years into this process I finally understand. It helps that I see the vision and with 3 rooms, the front porch and the back deck under his belt I am excited to see this new creation take shape fully. We have been married 18 years in a few weeks and I see how we are meshing our individual ways of doing things into our relationship. Junior likes to toss his trash as he drives into the back seat or on the floor in the front seat. I was always searching for a way to keep the trash to a minimum. We have had car trash baskets and they did not work. I even devised a way to hang a cloth bag between the seats to toss trash into which kind of worked but not really. One trip we stopped to get fast food to eat. As we pulled the food out of the bag I opened up the bag and placed it on the front seat floor. We threw our wrappings in the bag and any other paper that needed to be discarded. The next time we stop we take the bag and put it in the trash can. In my subtle way I have organized my man and he likes this idea. Junior has taught me not to be so rigid about my routines. He shows me things still can get accomplished even though we got a bit side tracked. I have learned to work when I can and to start over from time to time. Sometimes the unplanned distraction or starting over has taught me a new way to do a job that is better than the way I have always done it. With another room being worked on and seeing an end to it I know an end will come. It may a few years away and I am good with that. The renovating has been helpful to me even if I did not always understand it. I have learned to work differently with my disabilities. If things were done more quickly I don’t think I would not have been able to allow myself to learn new ways to do old things as easily. I started out slowly reentering doing housework again. The more my energy returned I was able to work into doing housework in retirement mode. I no longer needed to hurry through my work which was hard for me to let go of. Slow re-entry to housework has allowed me to see the need to work in a measured way. I found myself relying on God’s guidance which amazes me at how much He understands me so fully. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 26 2016

January 26 2016 Greetings My Friend I hear it and I can not believe such mindsets. “if you believe then God will heal you...completely.” This is said to someone who is more than likely never heal all the way. I hear this thought process with finances too. “If you believe you will be rich.” God can heal completely, allow people to be financially secure. The Apostle Paul teaches us “to be content in all things.” He teaches that he has been poor and he has had wealth and regardless of his circumstances he has learned to be comfortable where he was in life. I even see passages where Paul is in prison and he and another believer with him are singing. He is singing praises to God. The apostle Paul was stoned, whipped and beaten for his belief in Jesus. The Bible teaches that believers will see adversity because the world hates believers. Even Jesus did not escape tremendous abuse. He even died for His belief. My faith journey shows me that many times a full body healing may not take place but a spiritual healing will grow within me and in this I learn to live with my disabilities. The learning to live within my limitations has taught me that I have a strength I would never have known otherwise. I learn to rely on God and to go back to God to keep helping me to handle my struggles. The more I rely on God the more I see myself accepting my limitations. I am running into another thought process lately as well. I have an invisible illness, in fact I have a few. When others see me I generally don’t look like anything is wrong with me. Right now I am struggling with a person who won’t take my “no” I am not committing to a group due to the unpredictability of my illness’. When I did a review of the past year I noticed that I was showing up less than half the time. I will not volunteer to do things because I was not sure I would be able to be there. I decided at this point I will not attend anymore. I told her upfront I thought and she is not taking my reasoning. She reminds me she has chronic fatigue too. She has a major hip problem so I thought she would understand. At this point I think she is a person who will push herself extremely hard. The thing is I am pushing myself and I know if I continue I will decline quicker so I choose to slow down instead. I am hearing of people with these invisible illness dealing with family members who believe they are making up their illness and decide to walk out on them. At a time when they need more support they find themselves more alone. I think again about how God is presented as a complete healer and these people don’t see themselves getting healed. I see these people believing that God is uncaring. It hurts me because the witness presented to them is off the mark and a chance to give the good news of Jesus is not received. For me I see that Jesus went to the undesirable people of His days on earth. The people who were well are not in need of healing. At times I think the church today is not much different than the Jewish religion on the Bible. The leaders put such burdens on the people making it difficult. With the thoughts people have of believe and you will automatically be healed is much the same. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 23 2016

January 23 2016 Greetings My Friend We have been in this house for 5 years now which means we have been renovating for that long. I remember being excited about making a home with our own stamp on it. Right away I found an intense interest in DIY programs and through them I have come to understand more fully the hard work of being in renovation mode is. At first I felt that each area would be done in no time especially when I thought we would hire a good portion of it out. When it became clear that we weren’t going to be able to find a contractor that would work with us Junior then decided he would do it himself. He knew very little about doing major construction work. This alone meant that he was learning as he went along. I still felt that chaos would be short lived maybe two years, not much more than that. I could cope I thought. Coping was difficult regardless for me. I found no order to life and in that I was overwhelmed big time. When I could not figure out how to work behind Junior I sat, watched TV. Chronic Fatigue plagued me, depression and anxiety for a variety of reasons began to drown me. I took all of this to prayer. God first had me work on my health issues. Those first months of constant chaos were good for me. I had to begin thinking again which meant I looked for a counselor, a family doctor and I was talking to God a lot. I learned about my past hurts and how to let go, my health issues needed to be taken seriously and I was learning from Junior how to work within my limitations. Progress no matter how slow is still progress. I was still operating from a mindset of a healthy body with few limitations. I wanted to get up get the house in order and then take off getting a part time job and volunteering. Disabilities taught me to examine the way I always did things, learn new ways to do old things. I learned I still had value even if I myself was different now And That is Okay. I learned to ask God to open my eyes and heart to Junior and in the process his very unorganized ways were becoming tolerable in fact I began to see the process he was using and it started to make sense. I learned that he has a wonderful heart and he loves me. Somewhere in there I was learning that 10 years would be fine to renovate. It is what he needs and this process taught me to be more flexible and tolerable. The main living areas of our home are renovated for the most part. We have order, neatness and cleanness. The floors will still need to be finished, the ceiling redone and the bathroom reworked but it all is homey and comfortable. Some days the kitchen sends me into confusion and I struggle to cook any great amount. When it gets real bad Junior will step in until I can come to grips with where things are located once more. This huge process has taught both of us more about each other. Today Junior mentioned he now understands my confusion better. He has also seen me fight my way back to a level of health and now intervenes when he sees me pushing myself too hard. I know he will always struggle with being a clutter bug so I help him keep on top of his piles. If he sits down to a pile of stuff in his recliner he knows to put it away and not restack it somewhere else. He is finishing waxing the floor, my morning quiet time comes to an end and my spirit is quiet, calm and ready to face this day trusting God’s direction. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 21 2016

January 21 2016 Greetings My Friend I feel that pinprick stick in my thoughts. I am in my morning study time and this passage speaks to me. I am in Luke reading about the ruler who approached Jesus regarding his sick daughter. The daughter dies but Jesus goes to the ruler’s house anyways. But taking her by the hand He called saying “Child, arise” And her spirit returned and she got up at once….. The part that pricks my thoughts is “And her spirit returned…” This passages shows me again that we are spirit and flesh. I am intrigued about our spirit. On one level I know deeply that we are spirit but at the same time I can’t grasp it at the same time. I know flesh real well. I love chocolate, soft sheets and hugs. I can feel these things and in feeling them with my body I know them. I am an emotional woman. I have had to train myself not to relate to the world through my emotions. It has been hard, today I am able to move past the emotions better and make better choices. At times I think my emotions links me to my spirit. It does not. My spirit is deeper than this. I begin to overthink my spiritual side and in frustration I often let go of trying to grab it and know it. Learning to live in the present has been a hard lesson for me too. I was adept at reliving the past hurts in my life. When these hurts came roaring into my mind it was like the hurt was that moment again. I remember the facial expressions, the words at times even the smells and sounds of the incident. Through a long process of counseling, prayers and finally with medication I have moved from the past to the present. On the way to the present though I had a tendency to jump to the future. In the future I saw a worked out life, the problem solved and everything was awesomely wonderful. This happier thought process did not really help because the present was still an uproar in my mind. It was during a Bible study that the phrase was coined that helped me I had wishing hope not real hope. I was wishing my life to be that beautiful picture. As I learned to “talk” to God about my pain God was teaching me how to let go and move into the “now.” I felt myself growing and changing but I did not relate to my spirit. I think I truly met my spirit out here in Virginia. I remember God sending me to the porch to porch sit a few times. On that porch I watched God’s creation unfold before me. There were deer gracefully wandering by on a walk stopping to graze, a rabbit or two hopping around and humming birds gliding in for a drink off of the feeders. As I watched I forgot the things that were rolling around in my thoughts and a quietness engulfed me. In our new house I have porch time and as the house becomes more finished I find a quietness to my soul more so. I have lot’s of windows to look outside on. With the opportunity to decorate I meet my comfortable decorating style. I have a calmness with “the simpler time” in decorating. There is lace, an old family Bible on an end table and a casual tone to our home. “And her spirit returned to her” speaks to me. My spirit seems to say “Here I am, that quiet acceptance. Do you know me now?” I answer back “Yes I do.” The flesh seems to say in words that echo the spirit it is not the “stuff” the “emotions” it is that deep down quiet. And in this I realize I have also been with the Holy Spirit. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 19 2018

January 16 2016 Greetings My Friend Good vs. evil, what is good and exactly what is evil? Sounds simple enough on the outset but the more I dig into it the harder it is for me to truly discern. For instance I remember back in the day when someone wanted to smoke weed, do drugs that what difference did it make as long as they did not hurt anyone. Sounds good on the outset until I started to see the effects on the family and loved ones. Weed is harmless I heard. I even smoked some but it became a problem when weed was more important than having formula for the baby and I did deal with this issue. I quickly decided I was hurting my young ones if I took time outs to unwind. I needed to be in my right mind and gave up this lifestyle all together. If you ask me what we choose to do does affect others. Today I was reading in Luke the passage “For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit or each tree is known by its own fruit.” We are known by our fuit. I mull this a bit more and I see that others see what we do and we are known by what we do. My son and I were talking recently. He is in his late 30’s and as we discussed the craziness of our family life he recalled when he was very little. He remembered me rocking him, singing to him. He remembers the comfort that action was. I remember doing this a lot. There is something soothing about rocking a baby or that moment the rocking begins to settle the baby. A young lady contacted me on Facebook. She wrote me a note about when she was little and stayed at our home how she loved the way I read the kids a bedtime story. I felt that was a parent’s job, I even enjoyed reading to the children. It is what I did and nothing more in my mind but to another person it was special. Then there is Michele my coworker who was watching me. Her husband had died and after a bit she started dating, invited the man to move in. In short order he went from the attentive adoring man to an angry man. She knew my story, she watched me as I dealt with my struggle and at the right time she approached me for help. We went to Celebrate Recovery and she has not entered into another abusive relationship. My journal entry for “What does the Holy Spirit say” is “God’s idea of a good man and man’s idea of good are not the same - choose God. My next entry “How can I serve others today” reads “love as I am loved by God.” My enabling tendency is to excuse bad behavior because, and I have such a long list like handicaps, addictions, bad day…. God loves me where I am in my dysfunction but He does not allow me to stay there. He lets me suffer the consequences of my actions (sin). When I reach out to God with a sincere heart He then takes me by the hand and walks me step by step away from what my dependency is that is shutting me off from God. That stronghold leaves me and then I find God sending me out to do good. God is my example of good. On my own I come up with a dysfunctional way of being good and I am of no help to the other person or to myself. Evil abounds but through God’s love evil can be concurred. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 16 2016

January 16 2016 Greetings My Friend I am encouraged with the forwards that cross my feed on Facebook. Sometimes I giggle, sometimes my faith is deepened and sometimes I find encouragement when I need it the most. I forward a whole lot of these status’ throughout the day as well so I can encourage others. I had one that took me back to a hard time in my life. In my pain I wanted an apology I never received. The status read “ I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.” By the time you get to be my age there are numerous times that you either forgive and accept the fact an apology will not come or you will sink, not move forward. I have learned that being justified by the wrong done to you won’t allow you to heal no matter how right you are in your hurt. I met a lady after my divorce who was so hurt that her husband had left her for another woman she was still raw with the pain of it. I was shocked when I learned that at that time the woman had been divorced for 7 years. Right then and there I made the decision I did not want to hang onto my anger and hurt for that long even if I felt justified. Divorce Recovery and Single Point also taught me that I must grieve before I can truly learn to let go. I remember Junior telling me often about someone we knew who was so angry and bitter when they first started coming and now how good they were doing. From this I learned the importance of allowing grief to move in me. I was surprised at the grief I did feel too. By the time of my divorce I had experienced a few deaths of loved ones that were close to me. The hardest one was my 12 year old nephew. I understood the need to allow time to work itself out in my the bleak days and then feeling guilty when I was not sad and finally I learned that the person is always near even though they are gone. At first the anniversary dates hurt but through the years the birthdays, holidays and such still will make me sad for a moment. January and April are the hardest times although other dates come through the years these 2 months are the hardest. Mom and Dad were married January 1st. Grandma’s birthday is in January and my son’s birthday is in January. He is still here and I am grateful but when he was young I recall the huge attention to this time of the year. Thanksgiving, Christmas, anniversary and birthdays all were part of the season. Then one day the hustle and bustle of each of the dates are dwindled down to a snail’s pace and in place of all the days is sadness at what once was. The same thing goes with divorce. Our special days as a couple and as a family are now dramatically different. I find myself “remembering” as each anniversary date comes and goes year in and year out. Over time I learned to forgive the wrongs done to me, to forgive the wrongs I did. I longed for the light bulb to go off in those that hurt me. Slowly over time I knew I was not going to get that acknowledgement. I learned to work out the fact, worked on my apologies to myself and to others the best I could. I still am sad that we could not work out our life. I am also very content with my life now. I believe I can be content because I did the hard work of accepting that I would never get that apology and accept the forgiveness from someone who wasn’t sorry. May God bless you and forgive you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 14 2016

January 14 2016 Greetings My Friend I was on a phone call with a person that is struggling with too much on his plate. I know the pain of trying to figure out what to do first and on down the line. In the mix is a friend whose last moments of life are coming to an end. This is a longtime friend and it is hard. I know all of these emotions and I am attempting to roll with him as he bounces back and forth. He is easily upset over small things and trying to reach his pain to give comfort is hard. With my plugged up ears I hear a few things wrong and ask him to repeat himself. He does not want to argue with me, I am his mother and the pain is too much so he is irritated again. Today I have learned to let him hang up when he all of a sudden says “I have to go.” I try not to justify myself more than once. He was not aware of my trouble to hear clearly. When I was first divorced I would have been hurt to the core and I would have pushed back. Today I let him hang up and I know when he calms down he will call me again. Sometimes it is hard to love someone when they are in pain. My intentions are right but my feelings sometimes get in the way. I think when I am being so understanding I will be appreciated. The reality is there are times when we learn to forgo our own feelings for the good of the other person. He needed a safe place to sort through all that is going on inside of him and when he sorts through these things he is grateful to have had a place to turn to. It took me a long time to discern allowing someone to vent all their anger all the time on me with a mundane “I am sorry.” After years of this we were both wore out and there was not a closeness in the relationship. My son and I started his adult years much the same way. I was raw, he was raw and more often than not we resorted to familiar ways to relate to each other. I see now how God has been working with me to not allow my emotions rule. For me this is 2nd nature. I also hung up on my son many times and in a way I was setting the stage to acceptable ways to handle anger. After a few moments like this my Son tried to call back and apologize. Junior would answer the phone and tell him that I could not deal with anymore right now. Slowly we would try to reach out again after a short period of time and we would build up until another blow up. The blow ups were happening less and less. I knew of all the things he struggled with as a youngster like bad hearing, allergies and bad eyes. He was in speech for 6 years. He was 3 before he could talk due to his hearing. Add ADHD to this and a roller coaster ride seemed easier on both of us. My Son is an amazing man today. He is an awesome father and he is handling being a single parent fairly well. Knowing all of the obstacles he has overcome is amazing to me. I believe due to his hearing difficulties ( when he had tubes in his ears he heard and when they fell out he could not) plus the craziness in our home anger was his first line of defense. He has worked very hard to get it under control and today he needs a place to be scared. He waits until he can’t take anymore and then he calls me. My constant prayer to God is for Him to guide me in my relationship. I often ask God to teach me to be what my children and grandchildren need me to be. Another prayer is starting to come to light and that is “teach me how to point my Son to learn to “talk” about what is deep inside him before he explodes.” I trust God to show me the way. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 12 2016

January 12 2016 Greetings My Friend Junior just walked out the door with Blanko our 17 year old cat. He has had grand-mal seizures since he was a kitten. With medication he has lived a long life. Junior has understood Blankos handicap and bonded with him early on. The 2 have been each other’s comfort in the ups and down of life and of disability. Blanko and Alex our other cat that died recently were good friends too. In their younger years they found many moments of mischief. Having a cat tower for them to look out of our California ranch style bedroom windows proved to be fun for them and a bad idea for us. Many nights we were woke up out of a sound sleep when one them each weighing in at 18 lbs or so jumped down on top of us in the middle of the night. Another favorite pastime was to charge through the house chasing each other. Somehow they found a way to hit the back of the upholstered rocker knocking it over then fly over the end table so they could scatter whatever was on that. Later they snuggled up in our laps as sweet as could be. It was hard to get up to do something because they were so cute. They were friendly guys too. When we had company come by they often sat at the front screen door waiting for people to walk in so they could greet them. These 2 boys were the first of our pet children. They have their own special spot in our hearts. We love all of the fur children but these 2 are the ones we learned to parent together. When we got home from church Junior found Blanko drooling up a storm. He had been given his medication earlier and upon further inspection saw that his leg did not look right. It is either broken or dislocated. Junior called around since it was Sunday to see if there was any human pain relief medication he could give Blanko until he could take him in today. We kept hearing that cats are sensitive to our medications so it was not a good idea. The decision then was does he give Blanko some and potentially kill Blanko. He could not live with himself so instead he kept Blanko close. We took turns snuggling him making sure an extra towel was under him to absorb all the drool. Junior and Blanko spent the night in the recliner together. In the midst of remembering Brenda calls to check in. We both do our remembering Blankos silly dumfounded moments. After a bit the conversation make a transition from Blanko to her pets, what is going on around her place and then she lets me go. The distraction helps me to refocus. I think back to my need to leave church yesterday. I felt fairly well as I got ready for church and even in Sunday school. When we got to the sanctuary the room began spinning and sleepiness was overtaking me. I whispered to Junior to take me home. I have always struggled with heat and it often showed up in my cheeks by turning extremely red. I have had this more so since starting the medication. It occurred to me that my dizziness and redness was due to the heat in the classroom being very warm. I remember pulling up my sleeves and thought that for a few more minutes I would deal with the heat since class was about over with. This realization reminded me that the redness I have been seeing since starting this medication was associated with times I have been hot. The electric throw is nice on these cold days. I get highly uncomfortable lately when I have a dog or 2 ontop of me with the blanket heat on. Since I noticed this reaction I have reached over to turn the blanket off when puppy love visits me. The red cheeks are gone. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 9 2016

January 9 2016 Greetings My Friend My ear infection is getting better which means I am thinking better, have more energy and not sleeping so much. My hearing is still not up to snuff but I am rolling with it. I have some giggles as I seem to hear sounds in the wrong places. For instance I hear the TV clearly in another room or I totally mess up what Junior is telling me. My returning energy means I am back to a few of my normal tasks. I made cheese soup and peanut butter no bakes. Today I plan on making a pot of chicken and dumplings. I love it when I am back to cooking again. I am thankful that Junior will pick up the slack until I can get back to doing things. With my down time I have begun doing research. While in the midst of so many health issues going on I had begun to wonder why I was told I had Chiari Malformation and then it was dropped. My research has shown I do have many of the symptoms but my doctor believes that the Chiari is not the cause of what is going on with me. Each time I go to the doctor’s they give me a sheet listing my illness’. I would look through the sheet and get confused with some of the big words. I recognized a lot of the past history of illness’ but there were a lot new big words. This time I took to the internet. In place of Chiari Malformation my doctor has been diagnosing my balance issues with Ataxic Gait. What the heck is that? A little research shows that this disorder lines up with a lot of the Chiari symptoms. Chronic Fatigue, dizziness, trouble swallowing, trouble with speaking etc. Another look shows that the part of the brain affected is right around the brainstem, right above it (maybe to the side but close). When I visited the audiologist and told her both diagnosis’ she indicated that indeed they are very similar. Both Chiari and Ataxia can have balance issues. I could not finish the testing for my balance issues because of the ear infection and impacted ear wax build up. When I finish up with the testing the audiologist will see if I am a candidate for some physical therapy. I was told that by keeping myself as fit as possible I would prolong my balance issues before they got real bad. I heard this same thought process when I was going through cancer. I have tried to live a fairly healthy lifestyle and wondered why I got cancer. I was told that because I took care of myself I will go through it easier. That comment took me out of the “poor me” mode and I was determined to work hard at getting better. This attitude has sustained me through the last few years as my health has gone on a roller coaster ride. Once I got a bit of energy I began the long arduous task of adding physical activity to my day. Today I don’t go to the gym but I attempt to be active throughout the day. I add band stretches to my routine day and as I sit in my chair I tighten my stomach muscles, leg muscles as well. I walk mostly at stores shopping one or two days a week for as long as I can. If I can add balancing exercises to my day to help me from declining as quickly I will. With Junior’s back as messed up as it is due his amputation I see that he is able to do a lot. He has learned to exercise, eat right and he has prolonged his ability to be active and is able to do much. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 7 2015

January 7 2016 Greetings My Friend In retirement I have wanted to be more holistic in my life with food, cleaning products and personal care products. It has been a desire of mine for a good many years and I found this to be rather low on the list to explore. With raising a family, working full time, going to college on a on and off again basis, it has not been a priority. When I started picturing my life in retirement I picked up this idea of a more wholesome way to live my life. I admit that the first several years my eating habits went south along with my dreams of cooking more holistic which was going to be my first priority. Now that I am established within my limitations I am slowly researching and applying some of the things I have learned. Until our kitchen is further along I know I won’t go full guns like making bread from scratch or canning fruits for jams etc. At present I for the most part shop the outside aisles and about the only processed meals I make would be mac and cheese with tuna or spaghetti sauce and noodles. I will never make noodles from scratch but some day I may buy noodles made from wheat. I am starting to find ways to shampoo my hair other than with shampoo’s off the aisle. I tried baking soda and water and vinegar and water to detangle my hair. I developed a rash on my back so I have moved onto aloe vera gel and this is working so far. I like flavored cream in my coffee so I have been searching for a homemade creamer to make. One recipe I tried tasted good for a moment and then I was unhappy. Today I am trying a cream with coconut milk, it seems good. I will need to tweak the sweetener part a bit more. The recipe called for maple syrup and I could not find any. I used truvia and it is okay. Due to so many allergies I am slowly using steam cleaning instead of a lot of chemicals. Junior cleans our floors with a steam cleaner mop and I have a handheld steam cleaner I am using in the bathroom. I see me using the handheld cleaner in the kitchen as it gets finished too. I truly believe these extra steps I am taking is helping me with my asthma and allergies. I still feel the congestion tug at me but I am able to be pro active enough so that I usually can get it under control. I don’t think my bronchitis days are over with the goal is to keep it minimal. When I do come down with bronchitis I hope I can recover quicker with these proactive steps. Time will tell if my theory is good or not. I feel like I have come full circle from my teenage years when to me the hippie movement seemed like a wholesome way to live. Looking back I see I was off base about the wholesome part. I still liked the no makeup look, flat shoes and less fussiness in the dress. I do remember seeing a back to nature way of life and eating. This is what appealed to me. Now that I have my feet under me again I plan on finishing what I started all those years ago. In the spring I plan on picking some of the wild fruit growing in our area and learning to make jam. I will plant a few more herbs to have fresh herbs on hand. I like the thought of using God’s bountiful foods more and less of man’s chemical laced processed foods. One step at a time I will get there. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 5 2015

January 5 2015 Greetings My Friend I remember going on retreats with the teens, singles and after Junior and I married marriage retreats. Retreats take you out of the rush of day to day living, they teach you skills and the religious retreats taught me how to line my life up with God. For a weekend generally I found myself slowing down, listening to speakers and learning how to do whatever the retreat was about. As a group we got to know each other more so. We shared some of our life’s struggles and new ways to handle life today. By the time the retreat ended we were filled with a longing to start doing life in this new way. Monday came along and those special moments quickly got put aside so we could deal with the current events happening. Once in awhile a nugget of information came to mind again and at least for a short time we worked on that piece of the retreat experience. Within a few days to a week all was filed way back in our memory. I see much the same process as I start contemplating the New Year’s resolutions. Even in my review of “Am I closer to God at the end of the year and where do I think God is leading me this year” thoughts it is easy to move back into the comfortable routines of life. It is hard to make changes even if they will help me a whole lot. I had the same struggle moving out of dysfunction into a functional way of handling life. As I look back though I see that one tiny step in changing was what led to more self assured steps to healing my dysfunction. Counseling was my first step. Through the years I needed help to handle a struggle. I would go until that piece of the pain settled down only to find I was not completely healed and back into counseling I went. Just as with an addict I found myself going back to the “known” time and again. One day I hit bottom which is when I got serious about moving from dysfunction to being functional. Along with counseling I found that I needed to take my faith to my heart and not just to my mind. The more I continued on with counseling and learned to talk to God, read my Bible the more I was growing away from a lifetime of dysfunction. Today many of those first steps have become my new comfort level. I do them automatically like read my Bible, pray more than at meals and popcorn prayers in times of distress. I have learned to talk to God intimately. In this fertile environment I learned what love looked like, what acceptable behaviors were and what was unacceptable. Later I learned that God was seeking my highest good. It felt real nice to know I mattered and I had value. Soon I started imitating the love I was receiving. As I learned to seek another person’s highest good that meant I could no longer allow a person to justify their dysfunction. I had to say “no” more than I liked because that “no” was the best for the person. Sometimes I felt other people thought that I was harsh and I waffled. I learned to keep asking God how to deal with situations and slowly I felt that God’s way is always the best even if other people don’t agree. I learned that God will never go against His Word so if what I was hearing did not match then I needed to let it go. Right now I feel very strongly that our nation, the world is walking away from God majorly. I find things that line up with God’s Word and share this information. I hurt because I am perceived as an alarmist. I am saddened and I take this to God also. He reminds me that many choose not to “hear”. It is their choice and at the end of the day I have done what I can. We will answer for the choices we make. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

January 1 2016

January 2 2016 Greetings My Friend Christmas has passed, New Eve and Day are over with and my attention turns to where will this year take me. What do I want this year to look like? As I absorb these thoughts I feel a sensation of “How can I serve God this year.” I mull on this thought and in the end this is my ultimate goal, “What is God calling me to do?” Last week I was pondering “Am I closer to God at the end of the year than I was at the start of the year?” I did a review and felt I was. I learn how important remembering is in my faith journey and how my “remembering” has gone from all the hurt in life to remembering the times God has provided. I absorb one more time “wants vs. needs.” Now that I have done the review I think on one of my Bible study journal questions. As I end the study I answer this question. At first I felt that the answer had to be an action of reaching out. During the year I found that sometimes serving is learning to refresh myself, to prepare myself and that a frenzy of activity is just that frenzy which means more than likely I am all over the place and not going anywhere. Slowly I find myself learning to rest more in God and He gently points me to where He wants me to go in serving Him. By asking God where He wants me that frantic feeling of “Am I doing enough, giving enough” melts into a measured work of serving. I learn God is not looking for me to do more or do faster, He wants me to go in His direction not mine. For the past few years I have been on a journey of learning my limits and my triggers for illness’ that I will have to deal with. This process has brought me to a measure of health that I have not seen in a long time. At the same time I still feel the tug of congestion due to asthmas. I have days where my balance is way off and dizziness consumes me. I learn that I will not see a fully healed body again but I have learned to live within my limitations. I am able to keep our home in order and I am able to cook most of our meals. These tasks 4 or 5 years ago seemed impossible. I have learned to break my work down into small segments of time and at the end of the day I have done a lot. I reflect again on the coming year. For the past year or so my relationship with my son has been growing again. He is now sorting out a lot of the craziness of his growing up years. He calls me and we chat. I feel I am helping him move forward again after his divorce. I sense God is pointing me to continue reaching out to my son. Now that I am feeling better I am creating more and loving it. I am exploring natural ways to take care of our daily needs like homemade shampoo and such. The closer the kitchen comes to being finished I can see me making jam, breads and more foods from scratch again. This has been a deep desire for many years and now I can do it. Writing continues to call to me so I will continue writing. I am starting to see that continuing along the same path as last year and building on it may be my work for the new year. And that is okay too. God may slowly change my direction too and that too is okay. I see that I have learned how to slow down and be still some more. In this stillness I find my direction. Contentment and peace floods my soul. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet