January 1 2016

January 2 2016 Greetings My Friend Christmas has passed, New Eve and Day are over with and my attention turns to where will this year take me. What do I want this year to look like? As I absorb these thoughts I feel a sensation of “How can I serve God this year.” I mull on this thought and in the end this is my ultimate goal, “What is God calling me to do?” Last week I was pondering “Am I closer to God at the end of the year than I was at the start of the year?” I did a review and felt I was. I learn how important remembering is in my faith journey and how my “remembering” has gone from all the hurt in life to remembering the times God has provided. I absorb one more time “wants vs. needs.” Now that I have done the review I think on one of my Bible study journal questions. As I end the study I answer this question. At first I felt that the answer had to be an action of reaching out. During the year I found that sometimes serving is learning to refresh myself, to prepare myself and that a frenzy of activity is just that frenzy which means more than likely I am all over the place and not going anywhere. Slowly I find myself learning to rest more in God and He gently points me to where He wants me to go in serving Him. By asking God where He wants me that frantic feeling of “Am I doing enough, giving enough” melts into a measured work of serving. I learn God is not looking for me to do more or do faster, He wants me to go in His direction not mine. For the past few years I have been on a journey of learning my limits and my triggers for illness’ that I will have to deal with. This process has brought me to a measure of health that I have not seen in a long time. At the same time I still feel the tug of congestion due to asthmas. I have days where my balance is way off and dizziness consumes me. I learn that I will not see a fully healed body again but I have learned to live within my limitations. I am able to keep our home in order and I am able to cook most of our meals. These tasks 4 or 5 years ago seemed impossible. I have learned to break my work down into small segments of time and at the end of the day I have done a lot. I reflect again on the coming year. For the past year or so my relationship with my son has been growing again. He is now sorting out a lot of the craziness of his growing up years. He calls me and we chat. I feel I am helping him move forward again after his divorce. I sense God is pointing me to continue reaching out to my son. Now that I am feeling better I am creating more and loving it. I am exploring natural ways to take care of our daily needs like homemade shampoo and such. The closer the kitchen comes to being finished I can see me making jam, breads and more foods from scratch again. This has been a deep desire for many years and now I can do it. Writing continues to call to me so I will continue writing. I am starting to see that continuing along the same path as last year and building on it may be my work for the new year. And that is okay too. God may slowly change my direction too and that too is okay. I see that I have learned how to slow down and be still some more. In this stillness I find my direction. Contentment and peace floods my soul. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet