Thursday, January 14, 2016

January 14 2016

January 14 2016 Greetings My Friend I was on a phone call with a person that is struggling with too much on his plate. I know the pain of trying to figure out what to do first and on down the line. In the mix is a friend whose last moments of life are coming to an end. This is a longtime friend and it is hard. I know all of these emotions and I am attempting to roll with him as he bounces back and forth. He is easily upset over small things and trying to reach his pain to give comfort is hard. With my plugged up ears I hear a few things wrong and ask him to repeat himself. He does not want to argue with me, I am his mother and the pain is too much so he is irritated again. Today I have learned to let him hang up when he all of a sudden says “I have to go.” I try not to justify myself more than once. He was not aware of my trouble to hear clearly. When I was first divorced I would have been hurt to the core and I would have pushed back. Today I let him hang up and I know when he calms down he will call me again. Sometimes it is hard to love someone when they are in pain. My intentions are right but my feelings sometimes get in the way. I think when I am being so understanding I will be appreciated. The reality is there are times when we learn to forgo our own feelings for the good of the other person. He needed a safe place to sort through all that is going on inside of him and when he sorts through these things he is grateful to have had a place to turn to. It took me a long time to discern allowing someone to vent all their anger all the time on me with a mundane “I am sorry.” After years of this we were both wore out and there was not a closeness in the relationship. My son and I started his adult years much the same way. I was raw, he was raw and more often than not we resorted to familiar ways to relate to each other. I see now how God has been working with me to not allow my emotions rule. For me this is 2nd nature. I also hung up on my son many times and in a way I was setting the stage to acceptable ways to handle anger. After a few moments like this my Son tried to call back and apologize. Junior would answer the phone and tell him that I could not deal with anymore right now. Slowly we would try to reach out again after a short period of time and we would build up until another blow up. The blow ups were happening less and less. I knew of all the things he struggled with as a youngster like bad hearing, allergies and bad eyes. He was in speech for 6 years. He was 3 before he could talk due to his hearing. Add ADHD to this and a roller coaster ride seemed easier on both of us. My Son is an amazing man today. He is an awesome father and he is handling being a single parent fairly well. Knowing all of the obstacles he has overcome is amazing to me. I believe due to his hearing difficulties ( when he had tubes in his ears he heard and when they fell out he could not) plus the craziness in our home anger was his first line of defense. He has worked very hard to get it under control and today he needs a place to be scared. He waits until he can’t take anymore and then he calls me. My constant prayer to God is for Him to guide me in my relationship. I often ask God to teach me to be what my children and grandchildren need me to be. Another prayer is starting to come to light and that is “teach me how to point my Son to learn to “talk” about what is deep inside him before he explodes.” I trust God to show me the way. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

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