January 16 2016

January 16 2016 Greetings My Friend I am encouraged with the forwards that cross my feed on Facebook. Sometimes I giggle, sometimes my faith is deepened and sometimes I find encouragement when I need it the most. I forward a whole lot of these status’ throughout the day as well so I can encourage others. I had one that took me back to a hard time in my life. In my pain I wanted an apology I never received. The status read “ I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.” By the time you get to be my age there are numerous times that you either forgive and accept the fact an apology will not come or you will sink, not move forward. I have learned that being justified by the wrong done to you won’t allow you to heal no matter how right you are in your hurt. I met a lady after my divorce who was so hurt that her husband had left her for another woman she was still raw with the pain of it. I was shocked when I learned that at that time the woman had been divorced for 7 years. Right then and there I made the decision I did not want to hang onto my anger and hurt for that long even if I felt justified. Divorce Recovery and Single Point also taught me that I must grieve before I can truly learn to let go. I remember Junior telling me often about someone we knew who was so angry and bitter when they first started coming and now how good they were doing. From this I learned the importance of allowing grief to move in me. I was surprised at the grief I did feel too. By the time of my divorce I had experienced a few deaths of loved ones that were close to me. The hardest one was my 12 year old nephew. I understood the need to allow time to work itself out in my the bleak days and then feeling guilty when I was not sad and finally I learned that the person is always near even though they are gone. At first the anniversary dates hurt but through the years the birthdays, holidays and such still will make me sad for a moment. January and April are the hardest times although other dates come through the years these 2 months are the hardest. Mom and Dad were married January 1st. Grandma’s birthday is in January and my son’s birthday is in January. He is still here and I am grateful but when he was young I recall the huge attention to this time of the year. Thanksgiving, Christmas, anniversary and birthdays all were part of the season. Then one day the hustle and bustle of each of the dates are dwindled down to a snail’s pace and in place of all the days is sadness at what once was. The same thing goes with divorce. Our special days as a couple and as a family are now dramatically different. I find myself “remembering” as each anniversary date comes and goes year in and year out. Over time I learned to forgive the wrongs done to me, to forgive the wrongs I did. I longed for the light bulb to go off in those that hurt me. Slowly over time I knew I was not going to get that acknowledgement. I learned to work out the fact, worked on my apologies to myself and to others the best I could. I still am sad that we could not work out our life. I am also very content with my life now. I believe I can be content because I did the hard work of accepting that I would never get that apology and accept the forgiveness from someone who wasn’t sorry. May God bless you and forgive you make His face shine on you. Love Janet