January 23 2016

January 23 2016 Greetings My Friend We have been in this house for 5 years now which means we have been renovating for that long. I remember being excited about making a home with our own stamp on it. Right away I found an intense interest in DIY programs and through them I have come to understand more fully the hard work of being in renovation mode is. At first I felt that each area would be done in no time especially when I thought we would hire a good portion of it out. When it became clear that we weren’t going to be able to find a contractor that would work with us Junior then decided he would do it himself. He knew very little about doing major construction work. This alone meant that he was learning as he went along. I still felt that chaos would be short lived maybe two years, not much more than that. I could cope I thought. Coping was difficult regardless for me. I found no order to life and in that I was overwhelmed big time. When I could not figure out how to work behind Junior I sat, watched TV. Chronic Fatigue plagued me, depression and anxiety for a variety of reasons began to drown me. I took all of this to prayer. God first had me work on my health issues. Those first months of constant chaos were good for me. I had to begin thinking again which meant I looked for a counselor, a family doctor and I was talking to God a lot. I learned about my past hurts and how to let go, my health issues needed to be taken seriously and I was learning from Junior how to work within my limitations. Progress no matter how slow is still progress. I was still operating from a mindset of a healthy body with few limitations. I wanted to get up get the house in order and then take off getting a part time job and volunteering. Disabilities taught me to examine the way I always did things, learn new ways to do old things. I learned I still had value even if I myself was different now And That is Okay. I learned to ask God to open my eyes and heart to Junior and in the process his very unorganized ways were becoming tolerable in fact I began to see the process he was using and it started to make sense. I learned that he has a wonderful heart and he loves me. Somewhere in there I was learning that 10 years would be fine to renovate. It is what he needs and this process taught me to be more flexible and tolerable. The main living areas of our home are renovated for the most part. We have order, neatness and cleanness. The floors will still need to be finished, the ceiling redone and the bathroom reworked but it all is homey and comfortable. Some days the kitchen sends me into confusion and I struggle to cook any great amount. When it gets real bad Junior will step in until I can come to grips with where things are located once more. This huge process has taught both of us more about each other. Today Junior mentioned he now understands my confusion better. He has also seen me fight my way back to a level of health and now intervenes when he sees me pushing myself too hard. I know he will always struggle with being a clutter bug so I help him keep on top of his piles. If he sits down to a pile of stuff in his recliner he knows to put it away and not restack it somewhere else. He is finishing waxing the floor, my morning quiet time comes to an end and my spirit is quiet, calm and ready to face this day trusting God’s direction. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet