January 21 2016

January 21 2016 Greetings My Friend I feel that pinprick stick in my thoughts. I am in my morning study time and this passage speaks to me. I am in Luke reading about the ruler who approached Jesus regarding his sick daughter. The daughter dies but Jesus goes to the ruler’s house anyways. But taking her by the hand He called saying “Child, arise” And her spirit returned and she got up at once….. The part that pricks my thoughts is “And her spirit returned…” This passages shows me again that we are spirit and flesh. I am intrigued about our spirit. On one level I know deeply that we are spirit but at the same time I can’t grasp it at the same time. I know flesh real well. I love chocolate, soft sheets and hugs. I can feel these things and in feeling them with my body I know them. I am an emotional woman. I have had to train myself not to relate to the world through my emotions. It has been hard, today I am able to move past the emotions better and make better choices. At times I think my emotions links me to my spirit. It does not. My spirit is deeper than this. I begin to overthink my spiritual side and in frustration I often let go of trying to grab it and know it. Learning to live in the present has been a hard lesson for me too. I was adept at reliving the past hurts in my life. When these hurts came roaring into my mind it was like the hurt was that moment again. I remember the facial expressions, the words at times even the smells and sounds of the incident. Through a long process of counseling, prayers and finally with medication I have moved from the past to the present. On the way to the present though I had a tendency to jump to the future. In the future I saw a worked out life, the problem solved and everything was awesomely wonderful. This happier thought process did not really help because the present was still an uproar in my mind. It was during a Bible study that the phrase was coined that helped me I had wishing hope not real hope. I was wishing my life to be that beautiful picture. As I learned to “talk” to God about my pain God was teaching me how to let go and move into the “now.” I felt myself growing and changing but I did not relate to my spirit. I think I truly met my spirit out here in Virginia. I remember God sending me to the porch to porch sit a few times. On that porch I watched God’s creation unfold before me. There were deer gracefully wandering by on a walk stopping to graze, a rabbit or two hopping around and humming birds gliding in for a drink off of the feeders. As I watched I forgot the things that were rolling around in my thoughts and a quietness engulfed me. In our new house I have porch time and as the house becomes more finished I find a quietness to my soul more so. I have lot’s of windows to look outside on. With the opportunity to decorate I meet my comfortable decorating style. I have a calmness with “the simpler time” in decorating. There is lace, an old family Bible on an end table and a casual tone to our home. “And her spirit returned to her” speaks to me. My spirit seems to say “Here I am, that quiet acceptance. Do you know me now?” I answer back “Yes I do.” The flesh seems to say in words that echo the spirit it is not the “stuff” the “emotions” it is that deep down quiet. And in this I realize I have also been with the Holy Spirit. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet