March 31 2015

March 31 2015 Greetings My Friend Some days when I read the Bible I find passages that speak volumes to me. Some days as I read I sense a general understanding but not major messages. Today as I was reading I heard “The rich shall not give more and the poor shall not give less” in regards to giving. The message I heard is that we are all to give of our means and if some have more they are not to compensate for the poor. We are to give what we can and do what we can with what God has given us. In the end everything is God’s so He needs nothing. I am hearing that God wants us to do what we can with what we’ve been given. This to me means we are all to work and donate as we are able out of the means we have. I think of the widow who gave her last two small coins. She gave all and trusted God to provide for her needs. The more I let go of the fact that the money or possessions I have are just that and that God is the one who “provides” all of my needs then I know a sense of deep faith. I grew up very poor as many do. For me I did not want to be poor as I grew up so I worked hard at each job so I would always have an income. Through the years I can look back and the fear I had never materialized which was I would be homeless living on the streets. I can see the times money was tight and I had what I needed to survive. God opened my heart to gaining skills so I could have a good job that helped provide for my family and later for myself after my divorce. Today I see that each time I am in need that I begin talking with God. Slowly I find myself learning the differences between wants and needs and then I grow in accepting the spot I am in. My thankful prayers at tempt to review the needs I have that are met. For me I start by realizing I am living in a home that has heat, air conditioning, food on the table, clothes for each season and the list grows from this point. When I see that my basic needs are met I find that I am not attempting to keep up with others. As my list of disabilities seem to grow I learn to be thankful for things I do have such as hearing, I am mobile, I am able to keep house again. The more I can say “thank you” the more I find a calmness in my spirit as I approach a new problem. My test results show I have a problem with my esophagus. I choke on water at times. Sometimes as I swallow I feel the food goes down my throat the wrong way. To say that I am concerned is putting it mildly. I have started asking God to help me be strong. I even tell Him I am afraid from time to time. Next I ask God to guide me, to guide the doctor’s. Today I got a call to come back to the doctor’s office to discuss the options I have. As I received this call I found a calmness and an acceptance. I find it easier to know when I truly have a problem instead of wondering and waiting to know what to do. Now we begin the work of “fixing” the problem. That is something I can wrap my brain around and accept. My prayers now turn more to asking God to guide the doctor’s, to give me the strength to face the challenge. The challenge to me now has a face and a name and with that I can work within that. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 28 2015

March 28 2015 Greetings My Friend, We were up and running early yesterday since I needed to fast and then have blood drawn. A lot of my exercising was done walking as we shopped at Lowe’s before we headed home. Once we got home we had lunch then I needed some sit time so I went to prayer. During prayers I drifted off to sleep. I used to feel guilty about this until I realized that God was good with Him talking to Him, falling asleep and most times I continue my talking when I wake up. I sense as I am snoozing I also talking to God on some level, I feel like I am in His presence even if I don’t seem to have “words”. When I finished I had energy again and began doing things around the house. One endeavor for me was to “create” a lighted space with a picture and a cat statue underneath our TV. At first we used this for a dog bed but it didn’t work like we thought it would so then we decided to use it for a night light spot for me to maneuver around the house during the night. Both Junior and I are happy with the finished product. We have a heavy metal cross in the yard and I thought it might fit inside the box. I took my walker over to the cross, lifted it to the chair and brought them in the house. I knew to support myself for this work and did. As I walked up the ramp though I found myself stumbling. I was able to not fall but I did learn that even with the aid of a walker when I am tired out I am not as stable as I usually am with a cane or such. I think I am learning to test my limits and at some point I also need to pull back. I had been active and this last endeavor was too much. I also see back into my life where I stumbled while walking and exercising….I have a point that I must pull back even though others are able to push past that point. My thought today as I enter into it is to know when to call it a days work. I need to be sensitive to not only “out of breath” moments but also to moments of enough activity for the day. I may have the desire to keep moving and doing not feeling exhausted but I now know I need to accept that it is time to stop. I could do crafts where I am quiet instead of relying on TV watching which is my habit later in the day. I am still learning my limits with disabilities. I have learned to slow way down after a day or so of running. We have three trips coming up in the next three months. I see where I may need to go but I also need to make time to be quiet and still for a day or so during the week week we will be gone. I may need to let Junior go off without me so I can stay healthy. We are both getting used to my needs. I no longer can push myself like I once did. Bronchitis flares so easily these days. I have day to day balance issues which I can work with but if I push too much I will fall hard like I did a couple of years ago and tripped over a crack on the sidewalk and kissed a cement planter. I also don’t handle excessive heat and Junior can tell when I’ve had enough. He will tell me to go inside to the air conditioning. I am grateful that he is so understanding. He has his down time needs as well and this allows me to understand his needs. May God Bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 26 2015

March 26 2015 Greetings My Friend Yesterday I rearranged the sitting room furniture and it looks good. I do believe I have the arrangement that will last for a long time. It feels good to get to this point in our renovating process. The room will be great for when we have visitor’s or Junior and I want to sit in a quiet spot. I have been feeling that we are not ever going to be done and then I find myself doing a look back and I realize how far we’ve come in 4 years. Once more I am grateful that God has taught me to remember the good things and to let go of the hurt and pain of life. The things that happened happened and can’t be changed. Change did occur and now in the changing I see a survivor in me. I see that I am not alone in my struggles and God will always guide me in the right direction for my best. I see that the upheavals are what prompted me to move forward. It was hard to understand at times but through the years I can turn around and see why it was necessary for me to walk away from the past hurts in life. Even since retirement I see where a life time of stress caught up with me and the moves have helped me to rest and then begin the process of rebuilding my life. I also appreciate what I have much deeper within me now. Learning to let God love me has taught me how to love others in a healthy way. Early on in life I wanted to be accepted so I loved out of need. Once I understood that God loved me just the way I was I began to feel safe enough to let go of unhealthy relationships. Today I feel I am able to love more like God loves me and I also don’t demand selfish love in return. I have learned to “rest” in the Lord too. I don’t need to run myself ragged to please God. I am learning to seek God’s input for the things He wants me to do. As I learn to follow God’s plan I see that I am not exhausted doing “good works”. I enjoy what God’s gives me to do in a deeper way. I also am able to finish what I start because I am more focused on what I am doing. I am learning to stop when I am sick and I have quit trying to work through each illness. God has taught me to stop, rest and as I feel better I find that I am able to bounce back quicker. This has been a very hard lesson for me to learn but today I sense that I’ve come to accept my capabilities so much better. I am able to realize that I have disabilities and I am able to do a lot within my abilities. I have to re examine the way I used to do things and the way I can do them now. At the end of the day it isn’t how fast I was able to get something done but that I did accomplish something. When I worked I was able to do a few minutes of housework each day and the house stayed in good shape. Today I need to take a couple of hours to get what I used to do in a few minutes. No one knows how long it took and in the end it still looks decent. Slowing down and needing to sit and rest has given me the discipline to write and I now write. If I was able to go like I once did I would have never discovered the love I have for writing and sharing the things I learn. In the end I find that God does know what is best for me even when it seems like I am not doing so good. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 24 2015

March 24 2015 Greetings My Friend As I was starting the process to clean off our wrap around porch I happened across the perfect summer routine in my thoughts. The front porch will be great for morning coffee and quiet time. The back deck will be good for afternoon retreats to breathe, work on some refurbishing old furniture and the like. The sun comes up on the back deck and sets on the front porch. This way I won’t have the sun in my eyes. I have spent a good hour cleaning up the front porch and at the next opportunity I can clean off the porch by the kitchen finishing up with the back deck. I’ve got a plan and I love it. My focus is changing from deep cleaning to sprucing up the outside. I hope to have plants for the porches this summer and I am plotting this piece out. I believe I will be able to do the everyday run through the house each morning and then focus a lot of work time outside such as watering plants, writing or just resting. I was quietly wishing more of the renovation was further along when I realized this coming summer will be the first time I will have clearly defined clean areas that won’t need much building material all over. I am able to decorate, to plant planters and to enjoy the beauty of our neck of the woods. Ever so slowly Junior has worked in the kitchen and there is talk of looking into a contractor for the master bedroom and bathroom. As I mull all of this I see that I have many rooms in the house fairly settled and now I will start settling the porches. Life is sweet and Junior is slow but I am good with it again. I have been asking God to help me as I realized I was getting anxious about having a “finished” home all around. I knew it was my problem and that Junior is doing the best he can. I also appreciate him being patient with my ability to keep our home clean. Some days I need to stop and he never gets upset. I want to be the same way for him. God once more opened my mind and I feel less anxious again. I was also getting lax using my CPAP. I have a tendency to fall asleep in my recliner each night and then I wake up and go to bed. This helps me sleep through the night because some nights it takes me a while to fall asleep. Some nights I might hit the recliner a few times so I was not always putting the CPAP back on each time I went back to bed. Last weekend I had a moment where I woke up startled and unsure what day it was. I realize that I blacked out and at that point I knew that I need to put the CPAP on each time I lay down. I have had a friend or two who state when they lose weight they don’t need their CPAP. I have lost 27 lbs. so I told myself that may be true for me. No my problem is not my weight! Lesson learned. I remember waking up talking to God and He pointed this fact out to me. He showed me that I blacked out again which I haven’t done in a few years. I am grateful He showed me that I need this all the time. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you Love Janet

March 21 2015

March 21 2015 Greetings My Friend Today’s OT lesson taught me that God used Israel’s decedent's to be a nation of holy priests. He picked them to be set apart. I learn that as a follower of Jesus I also need to be holy which means set apart. This is a lesson I keep coming back to and I find my walk deepening each visit. At first I “heard” set apart as being “better than” and a bit of arrogance seemed to come out of me. My thinking was “I am in Jesus and that makes me, better, more pure and the list grew from there.” Next I started working through the meaning with God in my prayers. He showed me that He is “set apart” and He still loves me with all my flaws. The more I chewed on this thought I started to see “set apart” with a different set of eyes. “Set apart” isn’t better than but it is “different” than...the world’s ideas. The more I saw a difference with followers of Jesus I was able to see God’s “set apart” ways to be perfect love. For me a good portion of my life I have related to love as being something to achieve through good behavior. If I did jobs perfectly, remembered people’s special like’s and such then I’d be loved. I threw in not blowing up in anger as perfect love too. I tended to hold back my anger until I blew up only to begin working very hard at not getting angry over anything. One day I asked Jesus into my heart all the way down deep in my being. I was crushed and broken and in such deep pain. It is at that point I met God’s love. I felt God tell me that He loved me right where I was at. There were days I seemed to annoy everyone around me and of course I wanted to please so it hurt that I was annoying. In the cloud of uncertainty I felt God say “I made you the way I made you, when will you be comfortable with the way I made you to be?” It is at this point I learned to love myself for who I am and at this point I started loosing my deep seated anger and need for perfect perfection in all things. I saw God loved me and the more I felt His love I found myself loving more like Him and less in the world’s ways. I loved being accepted as I was and in that the changes grew within me. I realized I’d never be as perfect as God but that was okay. I learned to talk to God more about the hurts of life, the joys of life and slowly I learned to “go with the flow”. As I learned these things I was able to look past people’s “masks” and more at their hearts. I could see fear, anxiety etc. As I learned to see their struggle I was more understanding able to forgive and to let go. I learned to not allow others to use me too. God’s love did not allow me to stay in dysfunction but moved me to a better place. For me learning to give to the poor was a struggle. God has been teaching that just because someone is poor doesn’t mean that it is my job to make their life better. I do need to see where He directs me and to stay on that. God teaches me when to give money, time and when not to. He also teaches me that He doesn’t expect me to run myself ragged in service to Him. If I go to Him He will direct me where He wants me to be and I won’t be wore out. He teaches me that if I spend time with Him I will grow closer and hear His directions. I am on a faith journey to grow into God’s image of me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you Love Janet

March 19 2015

March 19 2015 Greetings My Friend I have gone from 10 minutes of work then sit to 40 minutes to an hour on a good breathing day. I am down 27 pounds from about a year ago and I am so proud of where I was and where I am now. Our home is picked up most days, floors swept and the bed is made which a few years ago proved to be a great challenge for me to do. It has been worth the snails pace of doing until today. My fatigue days still come and I am continuing to learn how much Vitamin b12 and Evening Primrose to use. I have learned to accept days where it is hard to move and I quickly go back to my 10 minute work then rest routine when needed. I wanted to move past this stage and I have learned to embrace it and to move from that point forward. At this point Junior knows that I am giving it my all to be as active as I can and I appreciate him giving me the space I need to do what I can. Along the way there were days I wondered “why” keep trying? I would build up my stamina only to start back at square one. Slowly I noticed that starting back at square one was easier and quicker so it made the effort worthwhile. Next I noticed that I wasn’t getting as sick as often. Today I know to work the method and in time I will be ready to go and do in short order. If I run for a day or two I know to stop and move slow for another day or so and soon I will be ready to hang out again. God has walked beside me and showed me the things I needed to do Learning to trust God and to accept that He isn’t going to give me a great healing has been hard and at times I wondered “why not?” Today I am grateful for each step and I am not completely healed. In being completely healed I would miss going to God and more than likely do life on my own again so I am grateful to be better but not 100%. Today I am learning to ask God if He wants me in a ministry instead of deciding which ministry I’d like to do. I can’t do mission trips anymore and I miss working with teens. At the end of my 15 years of working with teens I found myself exhausted and unable to hang like I once did. From time to time I would go back to this work only to find I flat out can’t. I am learning that my mission field today is not all church oriented. Junior and I seem to be able to relate to people who are down on their luck. God continues to teach us that we can’t be their all in all. He does show us when to reach out and when to take care of our needs. God reminds me over and over that He wants me in ministry with social media and the fact that I need a lot of quiet down time means I am working with social media. This media has also been the contact I’ve needed as well. People relate to me as I share my walk and I find that I am not alone as well. These people are teaching me to accept the health I have the disabilities I deal with and to be grateful in all things. When I first discovered Chiari Malformation I understood the headaches I’d get. I am not completely free but today I know to eat every 3-4 hours, to eat more protein. By doing this my headaches aren’t as severe or as often. I am learning the seasons that plague my allergies, headaches and how to use a cane for balance. I have never smoked but I have COPD and I am learning those things that trigger bronchitis. I am not completely free of bronchitis but it comes on me less often and not as hard. Each of these struggles makes me appreciate what I do have, what I am able to deal with and to keep on keeping on. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 17 2015

March 17 2015 Greetings My Friend I keep chipping away at my health problems and slowly they are coming under control. Today I see a gastrologist regarding my swallowing difficulties, the burning in the pit of my stomach and an occasional bouts of pain. I am grateful step by step through this long process I am finding a measure of energy and with supplements, essential oils and medication a way to cope/live with all of the issues within me. My visits to doctor’s are not as frequent as they were when I started on this journey and for that I am grateful also. In my heart I believe a consistent conversation with God has helped me reach this point without too many rabbit trails along the way. My PCP has been able to point me in the right direction and in my heart I believe God placed her in my path as well. Prior to this doctor I felt I was not taken seriously and so went around several blocks not getting anywhere. I don’t know where today’s appointment will lead me but I am willing to go through the tests and procedures that may coming my way. If I can stop bringing up food, even water as much I will be grateful. If I have to learn to live with it that is okay too. At least I will understand the problem and learn how to deal with it. As I ponder these thoughts I find myself going back and looking at the older people who were before me in my life. I have a friend or two who are in their 70’ and 80’s now and even Junior is my senior by 7 years so I can see how they deal with their health issues, their disappointments and such. I pray in some way I am also helping another generation to cope with their older years. J is a friend in his mid 80’s whom I’ve watched loose one ability after another. He does so with an acceptance of where his life is at and the age he is. I look to him quite a bit to be honest. He has lost some of his hearing, his legs continue to give out until today he needs to be in a scooter most of the day. He relies on his daughter to help him with his home and meals to some extent and as he continues to go downhill there will the time he will have to live with his daughter and her husband. He doesn’t bemoan the fact that he can’t do or be what he once was. He enjoys where he is at the moment and his daughter allows him to decide when he needs an extra set of hands to the point of moving in with him. His daughter is smart by allowing him time to process each change in his abilities and lets him ask for the help he needs. It would be easy to go in and insist on being his caregiver but instead she lets him arrive at the need on his timing. I also know it is hard for her to watch her Dad as he struggles to stay as active as he can but I believe by letting him come to the point of asking for help she allows him to come to terms with each stage of his disabilities. Mom and Dad wanted to be cared for at home so us kids provided that the best we could in their final months of life. Mom needed round the clock care so we divided up the day and some friends helped us with the process. I am glad I was able to give both parents what they needed at the end of their lives. I also understand that at times we insisted on doing things the way we saw best and in the end we did what we could and I think they felt the love. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 14 2015

March 15 2015 Greetings My Friend Today is work through the struggle kind of day and try to maintain a decent attitude. Wrestling with my CPAP last night I banged my head on the corner of the closet, today while bent over sweeping the floor I stood up and hit the corner of a cabinet and trying to post my blog was a huge hassle. Things have changed so I have to figure out something new. I am also trying out Google Plus and learning the ropes of this new to me piece of social media. For the longest time I sort of kind of checked it out and one day I set up my profile and now I learn how to move around on this site and connect with others. Add to this I have started using instagram more than to post my pictures….I haven’t grown a lot but I am growing. I attempt to keep these things in perspective only to put clean sheets on the bed and get all the way up to the comforter before I realize the top sheet is in the basket still. “Okay, I tell myself I won’t let this get to me.” I make another comment on Facebook and attempt to move on with the day. I feel encouraged when a friend tells me she found herself folding wet towels….about now I realize we have these kinds of days and this is another funny story for another day. I start to settle down and realize that although annoying as my efforts seem to be I am still progressing through the day and the house looks decent. We have another winter storm pounding its way through here and I soak up the warm fire, the quiet comfortable home we live in and there is a peace in all of that. We don’t have to go out in it and won’t. We keep enough food that we won’t go hungry even if we run out of milk. In the midst of trials I keep learning to think on what I do have, what I have done right and in that I don’t get caught up in all the wrong that is happening. As I refocus I notice that my flubs are starting to happen less and less and my day begins to be a joy and not a burden to move through. I even find myself laughing at my antics. Junior likes when I make a list of “honey do’s” I’d like him to accomplish. Today I wrote “Kiss wife” on the board so we will see how long it takes him to see this message. Next I look at the chalkboard near my chair and I see that I have 95 minutes of housework in and the goal is to add 40 more minutes to be exercising in some more time burning calories. Two hours seems to be an average day for me any more and my weight is staying stable. Today’s work is done in half hour segments. Yesterday I could work for an hour at a time. It is what it is and at the end of the day no one but knows how it was done but that the house is in order. I take pride in my work and enjoy the finished product and that is what matters the most. In a little bit I will add some vegetables to the soup I am making and we will have a wholesome meal to eat. The house smells good and I like that too. The “renewing of the mind” thought comes to me again…..that is what I am doing as I keep focusing on what I do have instead of all of the “ain’t it awful” thoughts. In the end the day has been good, productive and even a bit fun with my goofy mistakes. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 12 2015

March 12 2015 Greetings My Friend Today is a special day for me. Junior and I have been married for 17 years and I must say it has been a grand adventure. Learning to trust, to not keep seeking my way in life was a hard thing to do but God has been teaching me to be what Junior needs. He also has been teaching Junior what I need. Those first few years I was afraid of my own shadow but patiently Junior let me find myself and then develop myself into the woman he needs me to be. When we first was married he wanted to show me how to drill holes in a dryer vent. I was so afraid of doing it wrong I could not accomplish the task. Today I vacuum in front of Junior, hammer nails from time to time and he is so proud which gives me to confidence to do it again. I also am able to socialize when we are in a group setting without hanging to his side. He has showed me he will still be at my side even when I am very unsure of myself. He doesn’t baby me when I am sick, which I’d rather he did not do. At the same time he is at my side as I learn to live through disabilities. I sense Junior’s comfort with me when he says, “come see what I made.” I have felt him reaching for me at night when he is having a PTSD nightmare. He is thrilled with my renewed energy level and loves our home being comfortably clean and the meals I am making for us to eat. Junior is a steadfast kind of guy. His movements are slow, purposeful and I find comfort in his ways. He teaches me what God’s steadfast love looks like. I used to want excitement and drama all the time. Slowly I have been able to settle into the quiet steadfast routines of a quiet life. I love it today. I have learned that having a brand new car, a fancy house and so on doesn’t bring the lasting joy like a hug, a great conversation can. I also believe that our comfortable relationship is nothing he nor I have done on our own. I believe that we continue to learn to be sensitive to God’s guiding hand and in that we are what each of us needs to be for the other. For me I believe a consistent praying asking God to teach me to be teachable, to seek Junior’s highest good refocuses me to seeking Junior’s highest good. Through the years I have learned that Junior is no saint and he does have some annoying traits, as I am sure I have as well for him. I have learned to talk to God about my struggle, not complain but to seek “eyes that are open to Junior’s heart.” God has been faithful and I have learned to accept his strange to me ways. Sometimes God doesn’t take the aggravation away though so I pray more and at times I need to confront Junior with my struggle. By asking God to help me I find that when I need to confront an issue I am not speaking to him with rage but “truth in love.” He hears my concern and he is willing to accommodate my need. God has also taught me to back off when Junior does speak harsh at times. God has shown me that Junior needs time to regroup and then he comes back to me with an apology. I also understand his PTSD moments and he understand my PTSD moments. Until Junior I never truly believed a man and a woman could be close and enjoy each other. I am glad for my 2nd chance at life and at marriage. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 10 2015

March 10 2015 Greetings My Friend I washed the windows and door windows today. It is nice to see the sunshine light up our house again. My spring cleaning frenzy continues and I am having fun doing it. It is nice that our renovating is at a point where I can do daily housework and it looks like a home. My/our next goal is to do some painting of woodwork, the spare bedroom and the hallway, maybe even the bathroom. Since most of the house has wood on the walls and ceilings I think a touch of butter cream yellow would add color. Soon I can begin organizing and decorating the porches. This will be the first year that I will have a homey look to them and I can’t wait. As winter starts to wind down I am checking out salad recipes for our summer eating. I like this too. Junior and I also will stain many of the pieces he built for the house during the warmer months. He wanted us to use them a bit before staining them so if he needed to redo an area it would not wreck the stain.This girl is one happy camper. I made it through winter without the usual disdain I get. Our 2 moves in two years and retirement is settling and life is good. We attended a class yesterday on essential oils which means my brain was absorbing and learning. It felt good. I have heard about essential oils but I was having a hard time finding information on them, this class has helped me. I have always loved learning so when I have an opportunity to learn something new I am grateful. I also believe in holistic medicine along with modern medicine. I believe God gave us ways to heal our bodies, foods to keep them healthy and I believe that God has given us the ability to make medicines that help us. The less pharmaceuticals I use the better in my opinion. I can now begin the journey into essential oils. Junior and I have used supplements for years and they have helped me a lot. I have attempted to eat produce more than processed foods through the years. I admit that I do like my sweet cereals so I am not perfect in my agenda. Supplements have also helped me get my energy back to an extent and I am once more exercising which is something I have done a good portion of my life. The Bible is a great starting point on living the healthy life. God teaches us what is good for us and what is not. We have the choice to live life the way God created us or our own way. Today I prefer God’s design and strive to live it the best I can with the Holy Spirit’s guidance. As I write I stop from time to time to look out the window to the birds eating at the feeder. My eyes drift toward the ever green trees and up to the sky and then I settle on the ground seeing all the snow. I find such peacefulness when I stop and enjoy God’s creation. Living out in the country has given me more such beauty to gaze upon. Doing this is so calming and helps me to refocus on the day’s agenda. In a way this is a natural antidepressant. I have had a lot of stress due to abuse and such so my brain needs an additional assist. I don’t know if the essential oils will help me but I am open to trying them out along with my medication and down the road we will see if essential oils and supplements are enough. When I mull over all the things God has done in creation, in creating each creature and us I marvel. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 7 2015

March 7 2015 Greetings My Friend I love when I can puzzle out a problem. This renovation project has given me so many opportunities to puzzle out how to set up the house. Today’s big adventure was setting up some kitchen cupboards. I am utilizing baskets in this endeavor which is another organizing project I love to work with. Junior put a facade on some old book cases so that we have a rustic country kitchen look going on. With the doors in place we should have no more food ate up by frisky fur children. Sometimes these fur children help us to work on projects sooner than later. These cupboards are one of those projects. Junior is in his late 60’s and I am in my early 60’s which means we are approaching the age where we want to do what we’ve always done. I am grateful for these learning opportunities which means we are not so set in our ways we won’t change. Again I am thankful for 2 moves in 2 years, for disabilities which make me think with a new thought process. We are into our 4th year of renovating and for some reason we have a household of fur children both cats and dogs. Puppies teach us to put each and everything of value away. This means we aren’t in the habit of setting something down and getting back to it at some future time. It means we have to put clutter away right away or risk it being chewed up. To me this is like when I had toddlers running around. I could scold and scold or direct their attention elsewhere. As they get a bit older of course we give them the “no’s” and sometimes it is easier to put things away. In the mix of things we learn to pick our battles. Our main goal is to teach them to go outside to do their business and the scolding works better if they aren’t fussed at for each thing they get into. I see that in all of the chaos of renovating I am learning to accept life as it is and I have gained patience. In my younger years these types of upsets would have ruined days and weeks on end. In the process of learning to accept Junior for Junior’s strange ways and fur children acting up I allow more things to not go to battle on. I like this new attitude. Grandma C got so irritable when she retired. She was lonely since she did not drive and waited on others to take her places. I understand her lack of tolerance for things due to being lonely. At the stores Grandma pushed a buggy since it helped her move around better. Grandma would get so impatient waiting in the check out line that she sometimes became a bit overbearing. If someone got in her way she would run into people with her buggy. I wondered why the big rush and today I understand that was what she got used to as a working woman and mother. She had all the time in the world but once she went out she rushed it along. I get Grandma’s irritation and at my age I am grateful for new lessons so that I am not responding in anger like I used to. I keep finding that older years have as much to learn, to give and do as previous years and that excites me to no end. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 5 2015

March 5 2015

Greetings My Friend

Going through all the laws in the OT can be daunting and then the specific directions for building the Tent of Meeting, the Temple, even the Ark can boggle my mind. The directions are long and tedious and probably necessary. Listening to the passages as I read is opening my thoughts as to how we learn.

I understand that each class in the fall goes over what they learned the previous year since a lot may have been forgotten over the summer. There is something about repetition that helps us to absorb and keep the information.

As I read/hear these passages again this year I am reminded that God teaches His people to remember. I look at the Israelites again with new eyes. God performed great miracles and a short time later they forgot what God had done. By teaching His people to praise Him, to recall the times God provided in the past they began to trust God in the present struggle.

I find this is true of my faith journey as well. I need to be taught the same lesson over and over until I have it planted deep in my heart. God wants all of “me” and the only way I will know how to do this is by redoing things until I get it.

I find that the attention to detail is important. I learn how I was created, why I was created one detail at a time. In the NT I hear Jesus teach “clean the inside of the cup, not only the outside of the cup” and I learn to not act but to be true through and through.

The more I read these intimidating passages I also see God’s patience and the opportunity to be forgiven. I see I don’t have to be perfect but to try with all my heart. I learn to ask to be forgiven for in confessing I am understanding that what I was doing, thinking wasn’t good for me or “I agree with God”.

For a few years now I have found these long detailed passages hard to read through and more often than not I skimmed them. In listening and reading I am hearing more and I am learning deeper. By listening I can’t gloss over these passages.

Even with these intimidating long passages I find lessons waiting for me to unfold. I learn again that God isn’t expecting perfection from the start of our journey. He is teaching me to check out where my heart is focused and how to focus it on Him which in turn begins to change me.

God is perfecting me step by step and day by day and that is okay. Today I find I am into something unhealthy for me and when I turn around to look a few years later I no longer struggle with that in fact I’ve learned a whole lot about walking away from those things that harm me. I also know I am not done being perfected and in a few years I will marvel at the look back.

I also learn to focus on my walk and quit comparing my walk to another person’s walk. A minister taught one time “stop the sin of comparison” and he was right.

May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.

Love

Janet

March 3 2015

March 3 2015 Greetings My Friend Time marches forward we now are in March. This month spring will begin its journey taking away winter’s cold, white landscape and ice. Soon we will see the snow leave all together and little flowers begin popping up out of the dirt, leaves come out and feel the sun’s warm rays.; I have handled winter’s blasts this year better than I have in years. It isn’t because we had a mild winter either. We had both mild and the blast this year. I have found peace with it and I know that I know that spring is coming. Winter in SWVA is easier for me to deal with because we don’t seem to have weeks and weeks of snow followed by bone chilling cold. More often than not we will see a few 40 degree days after a few deep cold or snowy days. This has helped me cope. Being retired I also don’t have to drive through snow and ice. We seldom get enough snow to have to shovel. We did this year and we mainly needed to dig out where the snow plow covered the entrance to our driveway. We have a 4-wheel drive truck that can get us through most anything so that helps. We have also set ourselves up for potential power outages. With a propane fireplace, a wood burner/coal stove and a heat pump we are going to be warm. We have a generator for electrical needs and all of this makes me feel like we can weather most anything. This year I have focused on the comforting things about winter like a warm fire, a warm throw and a heated mattress pad on our bed. I have learned to be content not going out of the house all the time running here and there so the week here or there that I don’t leave I am not facing depression. This year has allowed me to work behind Junior more so. As he finishes rooms I am able to decorate, organize and begin daily housework routines. These things give my day definition. I also have learned that I will have my down days due to COPD, GERDS, arthritis etc. I have learned to move through my illness and in short order I am back to doing what I love, keeping house, cooking, writing and Bible study. The changes we have undergone since retirement has really helped me in the long run. During all of confusion I have had to rethink day to day life. In the end I am grateful for the upheaval. At first when we felt led by God to move I was unsure if we were hearing Him right. We kept moving forward and with each step we had no regrets. It has been a long hard journey one that isn’t finished since we are not done with the renovating yet but it is rewarding. I love this state, this area and our home beyond words. All of this is perfect for both Junior and I. We needed to get away from the hustle and bustle of city living. We love the woods more than lakefront property. We have 9 acres of which 8 is nothing but woods. We can hibernate or not as we feel inclined. Best of all the house is one level no stairs at all so our entire house is accessible to both us as we get older. The quiet allows me to write and study my Bible which helps me keep my brain active. God led us to this place and I am grateful even in the winter seasons. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet