March 26 2015

March 26 2015 Greetings My Friend Yesterday I rearranged the sitting room furniture and it looks good. I do believe I have the arrangement that will last for a long time. It feels good to get to this point in our renovating process. The room will be great for when we have visitor’s or Junior and I want to sit in a quiet spot. I have been feeling that we are not ever going to be done and then I find myself doing a look back and I realize how far we’ve come in 4 years. Once more I am grateful that God has taught me to remember the good things and to let go of the hurt and pain of life. The things that happened happened and can’t be changed. Change did occur and now in the changing I see a survivor in me. I see that I am not alone in my struggles and God will always guide me in the right direction for my best. I see that the upheavals are what prompted me to move forward. It was hard to understand at times but through the years I can turn around and see why it was necessary for me to walk away from the past hurts in life. Even since retirement I see where a life time of stress caught up with me and the moves have helped me to rest and then begin the process of rebuilding my life. I also appreciate what I have much deeper within me now. Learning to let God love me has taught me how to love others in a healthy way. Early on in life I wanted to be accepted so I loved out of need. Once I understood that God loved me just the way I was I began to feel safe enough to let go of unhealthy relationships. Today I feel I am able to love more like God loves me and I also don’t demand selfish love in return. I have learned to “rest” in the Lord too. I don’t need to run myself ragged to please God. I am learning to seek God’s input for the things He wants me to do. As I learn to follow God’s plan I see that I am not exhausted doing “good works”. I enjoy what God’s gives me to do in a deeper way. I also am able to finish what I start because I am more focused on what I am doing. I am learning to stop when I am sick and I have quit trying to work through each illness. God has taught me to stop, rest and as I feel better I find that I am able to bounce back quicker. This has been a very hard lesson for me to learn but today I sense that I’ve come to accept my capabilities so much better. I am able to realize that I have disabilities and I am able to do a lot within my abilities. I have to re examine the way I used to do things and the way I can do them now. At the end of the day it isn’t how fast I was able to get something done but that I did accomplish something. When I worked I was able to do a few minutes of housework each day and the house stayed in good shape. Today I need to take a couple of hours to get what I used to do in a few minutes. No one knows how long it took and in the end it still looks decent. Slowing down and needing to sit and rest has given me the discipline to write and I now write. If I was able to go like I once did I would have never discovered the love I have for writing and sharing the things I learn. In the end I find that God does know what is best for me even when it seems like I am not doing so good. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet