March 12 2015

March 12 2015 Greetings My Friend Today is a special day for me. Junior and I have been married for 17 years and I must say it has been a grand adventure. Learning to trust, to not keep seeking my way in life was a hard thing to do but God has been teaching me to be what Junior needs. He also has been teaching Junior what I need. Those first few years I was afraid of my own shadow but patiently Junior let me find myself and then develop myself into the woman he needs me to be. When we first was married he wanted to show me how to drill holes in a dryer vent. I was so afraid of doing it wrong I could not accomplish the task. Today I vacuum in front of Junior, hammer nails from time to time and he is so proud which gives me to confidence to do it again. I also am able to socialize when we are in a group setting without hanging to his side. He has showed me he will still be at my side even when I am very unsure of myself. He doesn’t baby me when I am sick, which I’d rather he did not do. At the same time he is at my side as I learn to live through disabilities. I sense Junior’s comfort with me when he says, “come see what I made.” I have felt him reaching for me at night when he is having a PTSD nightmare. He is thrilled with my renewed energy level and loves our home being comfortably clean and the meals I am making for us to eat. Junior is a steadfast kind of guy. His movements are slow, purposeful and I find comfort in his ways. He teaches me what God’s steadfast love looks like. I used to want excitement and drama all the time. Slowly I have been able to settle into the quiet steadfast routines of a quiet life. I love it today. I have learned that having a brand new car, a fancy house and so on doesn’t bring the lasting joy like a hug, a great conversation can. I also believe that our comfortable relationship is nothing he nor I have done on our own. I believe that we continue to learn to be sensitive to God’s guiding hand and in that we are what each of us needs to be for the other. For me I believe a consistent praying asking God to teach me to be teachable, to seek Junior’s highest good refocuses me to seeking Junior’s highest good. Through the years I have learned that Junior is no saint and he does have some annoying traits, as I am sure I have as well for him. I have learned to talk to God about my struggle, not complain but to seek “eyes that are open to Junior’s heart.” God has been faithful and I have learned to accept his strange to me ways. Sometimes God doesn’t take the aggravation away though so I pray more and at times I need to confront Junior with my struggle. By asking God to help me I find that when I need to confront an issue I am not speaking to him with rage but “truth in love.” He hears my concern and he is willing to accommodate my need. God has also taught me to back off when Junior does speak harsh at times. God has shown me that Junior needs time to regroup and then he comes back to me with an apology. I also understand his PTSD moments and he understand my PTSD moments. Until Junior I never truly believed a man and a woman could be close and enjoy each other. I am glad for my 2nd chance at life and at marriage. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet