July 30 2014

July 30 2014 Greetings My Friend, As I read the Bible today I was in the Psalms and it was talking about circumcision. I usually pause as I come to this word and ponder it. Being the ADHD person I am after I graduated high school I had a job as an insurance biller. I generally said or asked whatever popped into my brain to anyone in general. I was coding a man that came in with a problem with his recent circumcision. That was the first time I’d heard that word and so of course I wanted to know what it meant. The whole office faces looked at me in the strangest of ways. I heard a few pens drop. I was told to go home and ask my husband. Not to be put aside I did that and I found out the meaning. As I began to read the Bible and ran across this passage from time to time I started my thinking in one direction and slowly I found a deeper meaning to this. As I think further I start to see how God teaches at times for me at least. Learning spiritual truths is sometimes a very hard concept to grab. First God told Abraham to do the physical circumcision. Those first signs seem to point to a time when we truly begin to grasp what God is looking for. At first it is outward and as we grow we tend to grow inward. The outward signs seem to point to cutting away at the heart, not the actual muscle but at the spiritual heart. Each time I see this word these days I tend to think of “cutting away”. Somehow my desires are changing and those old things just don’t do it anymore so I am cutting away the “old me” and becoming a “new creation in Christ.” At times I see how God first taught the Israelites outward signs so that later we are able to go inward and deeper. For the longest time I wondered why it took the amount of years from Abraham to Jesus to begin the new covenant. Then a light bulb goes off. If I look at my life my faith journey has taken years to go to the point I am at now. We now have the Bible to read and it is strange how we have the history of faith in black and white for us today. It seems like each generation had to discover God and then go deeper and that tends to be each of our journeys as well. For years the Jewish people were entrenched in their ritual obedience to God. I like that ritualistic way myself. If I do A follow it up with B then C should be the natural outcome. That makes sense to me. For me though if each step does not follow in the right order or it gets messed up then I am highly uncomfortable. My faith journey started as a child. Each week my parents took me to church. I had no problem in believing but deeper than that I tended to stay away from. Believing seemed “good enough” I didn’t want to be different than the world. I wanted to be loved by man and by God. I went along this way and I wasn’t all that happy and all that liked. Then the bottom of my life fell out and at that point I began a deeper walk with the Lord. As I kept going to prayer and Bible study I found that some of my ways were more harmful than good. I admitted to God that these things were harming me and God began to take me on a journey of cleansing. Abraham believed God. Isaac was born when Abraham and Sarah were old, too old to conceive but God provided. Isaac had two sons and Jacob his son had 12. God at that point started telling His people that He “is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” So I read these things now and realize where my focus needs to be. As I center God more in my heart I tend to go to the Bible and prayer and stay focused on the God of the Bible. This helps me not to wander off track. As I see the Jewish people wander around in the desert, trust God and forget God I am able to apply these things to my own life. It makes sense now and my focus stays where it needs to be. God is the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit guides us. Then again all three are one. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 29 2014

July 29 2014 Greetings My Friend, Marriage is on my mind right now. I wish I knew how to reach young people and teach about marriage. My concern is not unlike the parenting classes given years ago to attempt to get young people to think strongly about entering into a sexual relationship. In a class the young people took they were each given a 5 pound sack of flour/sugar. That 5 pound bag could not leave their side for a period of time….a week I think. If they wanted to go out without it they had to find a caregiver to watch that 5 pound bag. The idea was to impress upon the young minds how much work it is to have a baby. I chose poorly the first time I picked a marriage partner. He was showing signs of abuse long before the wedding day. In my dysfunction I thought he was showing me how much he cared. He even struck me many times but again I thought that to have that depth of emotion meant that he cared. Add to the fact that my own father abused me and other males took advantage of me I soon thought that I had no right to my own body or feelings. By the time the boyfriend came along and forced himself on me sexualy and physicaly I truly did not know that a man did not have the right to do as he pleased. As the years went on in our marriage I was asked to do some pretty strange things and to be honest I did not like it. I caved in one or two times and then I began to fight back because I did not like the sick feeling I had in the pit of my stomach more so. As I grew up and got battered I got to a point that I’d fight back. I always lost but I developed an “I don’t care” attitude. I see this attitude even now show itself from time to time. I may lose but I’m not going down without a fight. I have decided that people can force me all they want but I am going to show them “they can’t make me.” As I have lived with a man that truly cares about how I feel and will let me make my own decisions I have grown away from that “prove it” attitude. I don’t have to be obstinate just for the sake of it. As I look back on those years the constant wish was that someone would have come beside me and shown me what healthy looked like and how to achieve it. For me counseling is how I began that journey. As I learned and applied the new found things to my life I found myself not tolerating abuse as easily. By the time the divorce came I knew I wanted to try another relationship only this time I wanted to respect my husband and to look up to him. Counseling helped a lot but as I began a serious faith journey I found myself falling in love with God. I started trusting that God did not want to hurt me but He truly wanted my best. As I learned how to be loved by God I also learned how to love in healthier ways. The other day Junior was working on extending our front porch. He held a beam into the cement and wanted me to drill two screws into the wood. Panic tried to rear itself. I am a woman that has never handled tools well and it usually angered the man in my life. Junior has been gentle and would show me from time to time only to see me mess up something awful. With a little trepidation I went out and attempted to drill the hole and then drill the screw into the wood. I did it first try like I had always drilled holes. Next I drilled the screw into the hole and….I did that the first try. Then another set was done and this woman thought she’d died and gone to heaven. The screw driver had a piece that slid out over the screw so it stayed in place as I drove it into the wood. That helped me a lot. In previous attempts I did not have that little guide and somehow I’d always wobble the screw. Not this time. Junior has been patient with me all along. When I failed he did not yell at me. He quietly would finish the job. He also has not asked a whole lot out of me through the years. He does the renovating and I try to make him comfortable in our home. This time I did it well and I am so proud of myself. Marriage can be a blessing and lots of fun. There is hard work but the hard work is worth it when both are invested in being a team. To me prayer is the constant that has grown Junior and I into that team. We listen to God and try to seek each others highest good. This is what I want to teach young people. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 26 2014

July 26 2014

Greetings My Friend,

I’m down one more pound...a very slow process but hopefully a good way to go. My exercise routines continues to grow and that is nice too. The stretching I hope will bring more balance back to me. The walks work out my heart and muscle groups and resistance bands are helping me to tone my muscles also.

I know this part of me and it feels like an old  friend is back now that I can engage in activity a bit more. On the way back after an up and down the hill regiment I was winded and I wanted to stop and sit that said I’m glad I did 25 minutes all together. A trip to the store later will add a few more minutes to my walk routine.

Junior and I have worked out the time of day that is best for running errands and going to the doctor etc. We make early afternoon appointments so I have mornings free to do daily chores, writing, quiet time and exercising. Mid day errands also means we miss a lot of rush hour traffic although out here rush hour is tame compared to a drive into a major city and back each day.

That sense of confusion and chaos is gone. Renovating still brings disorder to our lives but not like it did at the start of this journey. Lately I start to see all the journey’s we have in life. For me the cohesive part of each journey is Jesus. The more I take each detail of my life to Jesus the more I find order in the disorder. I find calmness in place of chaos running havoc in my life.

I marvel at the quiet I have inside of me these days. As I relish where I am mentally and spiritually I’ve found myself embarking on another journey. As I embark on this journey I have a moment or two of panic but then I remember where I once was emotionally and spiritually and this new journey into one health issue after another isn’t as intimidating to me as the first steps of faith as

a new believer.

My journey through the Bible has honed in again on the “remember” game. I see it in the Psalms as the Psalmist admonishes the people to remember the times of God’s great provision for their lives. I see it as a people thrown into bondage begin to reflect on how God had provided for them. I see in the New Testament references back to the Old Testament and the lessons they learned.

So I embark on a journey of declining health and that sense of panic tends to wash away as I recall the times God has been at my side in other issues of life. I learn ways to work within my limitations and that old sense of “self” comes back to me.

I have some big ticket illness’ but that is okay. I am learning how to manage my symptoms. I see a person from my past doing fairly well and her health issue is still manageable 20 years into her struggle. This makes me more determined to be proactive and yes the disease may overtake me but I am going to live the best I can as long as I can and at the end…..my guess is I will be ready to meet Jesus so the disease won’t scare me like it does now.

Junior is into his back issues a good 40 years now. His PTSD is that old also and each day he gets up and renovates on our home and in general he does every day life. I also see days where he is gimped up with pain beyond words. He takes time out to bring himself back to square one as far as that can be. He loves me to pieces I see it all the time. He loves life and he lives it as fully as he can.

Jesus also helps him in a day by day and a moment by moment way. We pray a small pray together at night and he starts his morning in quiet time with God. He is my inspiration to face life and to enjoy it even though he has to go about life in a way most people don’t.

When we were first married I watched his bedtime routine and his morning routine and marveled. Each night is a process for him. His prosthesis must come off and then his foam insert followed by a wool stump sock. Junior loves holding hands when we walk but it also throws him off balance. I know this and so I don’t insist on hand holding while we walk.

Junior could be angry and rightly so. When he came home from war the nation was not a nation at that time that appreciated his effort. He was treated poorly and it hurt after he lost a body part. Junior loves his country and God has taken the hurt upon Himself. Junior is able to be proud of his work in Viet Nam and is good with one less body part. God sustains him and Junior is able to get up and go forth spreading the Good News of the Gospel.

Junior is patient with me, loving and kind. If Junior can face his demons with God’s help then  I’m sure I can face mine with God’s loving support always near.

May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.

Love

Janet

July 24 2014

July 24 2014 Greetings My Friend, I’ve done my new program of writing out a Bible study journal now for several days. I am enjoying the process. Today we will go to town so I will find a notebook and paper to set the journal up more permanently. Right now I am doing it in a spiral notebook. I want to be able to insert pictures, maps and the like so I’d like a notebook. I wrote on Facebook today about being thankful I finally understand Junior’s work style. As I looked at his style I realized that I have entered into his way of working. His back tends to force him to work on different projects as his back is able. For me I’ve learned to work when I can and sit when I can’t. A lot of writing gets done while I sit and then I go back to my work project I started when I can. At the end of the day I find I’ve done quite a few things and that sense of accomplishment is there. As a working wife, mother I found that blocking time out to do things worked best. For me it has been hard to change my thinking as I retired. I wanted to get up, get things done and then have the rest of the day to do fun things. It made sense in my mind. The less energy I had the more I found that a little here and a little there and eventually the work gets done. I have incorporated this habit into day to day life now. I am worker by nature and so being busy moves me. Sitting in my mind is being lazy. As I thought about this I realized I had a desk job and sat quite a bit at work. I did 8hrs. worth the work each day and I was wore out many days after a day of work. I then came home and made dinner, cleaned and the like. I ran children to various activities and at times I even attempted to go to college. That energetic woman is no longer in me. I wanted it to stay and it has not. I liked my busy life but as I got older I just could not do it. My days are full and even busy these days. I have accepted my limitations and learned how to work within them. Junior’s work style was chaotic to me. He’d leave ladders, tools and other assorted building things in a room. Many times I was walking over items. As my balance issues grew worse he had to leave me open areas so I would not trip. That helped me a lot to not get confused and frustrated. Four years into this process we have moved toward each other more. I have rooms that are mostly finished these days and I keep order in these areas. Order helps me to think and I find that I now am doing what Junior does. I do housework until I get winded and then I sit. While I sit I tend to write, research and Facebook. I also pray, read my Bible. Sometimes I make phone calls to a friend in need or just for fun. Staying home every day was hard for me as well at first. Now I can stay home for several days. Both Junior and I tend to have a need to get out of the house once or twice during the week and of course on Sunday. It is the right amount of running. We grocery shop, pick up things from the store, go to the Chiropractor, doctors and the like. It works out rather nicely. Last fall we went to Colorado. In April we were in MI and now we will head to the other side of the state to watch our granddaughter play softball. I love these little vacation moments as well. They refresh us. When we settle back into day to day life I find contentment. Life is good. God is great and He has brought me to this moment of contentment. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 22 2014

July 22 2014 Greetings My Friend, I’ve drank my two cups of coffee for the day. Now my thoughts turn to plans for the day. I find myself mulling over Scripture and they mingle in with the “to do” list that is swirling around my brain. Often times I bounce around in my thoughts and as I think of Scripture I find I bounce around with these thoughts as well. Often times I start off with King David, probably my favorite Bible person that I relate to. Next I think about Ruth who cares for her mother-in-law and won’t leave her even when she leaves to go back to her people. About now I start thinking about Jesus’ lineage which always amazes me. Ruth was a foreigner yet she is the great grandmother to King David. There is Tamara also. In those days if a son dies the next son steps in and helps produce a son for the husband that died. Perez Tamara’s father-in-law lost two sons and would not give the third son to Tamara. Tamara poses as a prostitute to Perez when he is in the area and she becomes pregnant. There is Rahab the prostitute that hides the Israelite spies. Her family was saved because she saved the spies and her lineage is part of Jesus’ earthly heritage. Some of those Kings were also a part of Jesus’ line….some good and some bad. Jesus’ family line is not unlike our own family line. Skeletons were in His closet just as they are in ours. My family loved our skeletons so much that we did everything to keep them tucked in the darkness as we could. Me of course did not understand why we needed to keep them but to be honest I tried to the best I knew how. As I think about Jesus I marvel that He came into our world like we do. He was a baby born of a woman. That is the way we start our life, born of our mother. That means Jesus had to learn how to feed Himself, to walk, to learn life’s mundane lessons. He had the same feeling we have. He truly understands our earthly struggle. As I understand Jesus’ very human experience I start to see Him as my brother. The most comforting moment in Jesus’ life for me is when He is in the garden praying. He is sweating drops of blood. As he talks to the disciples he is fussy. He is going to be crucified and knows the horror of it all before he faces it thus in my thinking he is anxious. I see the very human fear we all deal with in Jesus at this moment. As I continue on with this thought I hear Him pray “Father take the cup of suffering from me, not my will but Your will.” I sense Jesus would rather not and He truly wants to do God’s will at the same time but….and I feel that big but. The third time He prays this Father God sends angels to comfort Jesus. I believe He was comforted because He does not run off into the night but stays until the soldiers come to arrest Him starting the chain of events that ultimately lead to His death. I now see the confusion of the disciples, the fear. They saw Jesus in action and He died? This did not make sense even though Jesus told them He was going to die and rise from the dead. I understand how they could not “hear”. It was not how they wanted His Kingdom to begin. They had their own thoughts and this did not fit in with them. We do that now, have our own thoughts about things. We don’t study to find out what was really said. Just as Jesus told them though, He rose from the dead and some two thousand years later we all know that Jesus died and rose from the dead. Pretty amazing. If it were made up in my mind the myth would have died out centuries ago. Then when I began an earnest faith journey and somehow I know that I know that Jesus is “the way the truth and the light.” So each January I start reading the Bible in a year again. For many years I read the Chronological Bible. Then I retired and now I tend to prefer to read the Bible online. As I read chapter after chapter I find that I look forward to the next passage, the next chapter. I long to meet King David again. I marvel that Abraham was a hundred years old when Isaac was born. Isaac had two sons and I wonder how in the world will this line be as numerous as the stars when Jacob arrives on the scene and has 12 sons…..then they go to Egypt all of 70 strong. Estimates are that 400 years later when God brings the Israelites out of Egypt the people number near a million. As I study these events another year I see my life unfold before me. I felt alone and lost and at my lowest I decided to ask Jesus into my heart fully. As family and friends chose sides in my divorce I felt more and more alone. Today though I see what I do have. I have my son in my life. I have a niece who lets me rely on her from time to time. Her husband is a gem and has ministered to me many times as well. We have a church family that includes us in the circle of friendship. The son Amazing Grace often rings in my thoughts. “I once was lost but now am found. I was blind and now I see.” So each day I get up re commit my life to Jesus and each night I fall asleep in God’s great warmth. That is how I can face life these days. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 19 2014

July 19 2014 Greetings My Friend, Daisy is washed and cleaned up for the next while. When I am done washing her I wrap her in a towel and we sit together for the longest time. It warms my heart to be honest. I usually fix her hair with a ponytail holder and put a fancy collar on her or a cute outfit. With the warmer weather I feel she is dressed up enough in a pretty collar. One of the things God wants us to be is truthful and in general I am good with this. Last night though, I did not want to hurt my friends feelings. The last trip we were on she wasn’t at our home for our animals for a few days. We pay her to stay right there with the animals. She had a bout of depression and some other stuff so she did not come by. We have a cat that needs to be medicated and one day without his medication could be a problem. We leave her our truck to use since her car isn’t in the best of shape. We’ve filled it up for her and we get back the tank hasn’t been topped off. She’s used most of it and well a truck costs a few dollars to keep gas in it. The last straw has been that she has asked us to take her to the doctor’s twice this month and we don’t mind but she’s cancelled both times. At this point we don’t know if we can depend on her. When she called I talked around the issue and told her we did not need her. I gave a flimsy excuse. I did not want to hurt her feelings. I found myself not able to sleep or to pray. I felt convicted so I texted her and said my son had some concerns and we were now actually going. I also asked God to forgive me. I knew I needed to be straight with her….but avoiding the confrontation won out. The more I thought on it I wondered why it was important to avoid the fact that we could not depend on her. She brought the situation about not that I want to be snotty but I also think we have a right to get another person when we are not sure. Confrontation is scary to me. I know this and I am still working it out even though the anger I lived with for so long is long gone. About the time I think I’ve overcome my past I am reminded that it still plays out in my life. So I learn about “me” some more. Junior continues to show me that being honest does not mean that fists will fly. My parents often tore into people for the littlest of infractions like an honest mistake with a sales clerk. If us kids did not follow the letter of their rules we felt their rath. We were not given much room to learn from our mistakes thus for me I became such a perfectionist and frankly I still did it wrong. I do have ideas and Junior does allow me to express my thoughts. He even gives me the freedom to make a decision and fall down. I do it better these days but I must admit there are still moments I tend to defer to his ways. I’m in a struggle right now. I’ve told Junior what I felt about a situation 3 times and he maintains he is not changing his mind. It bothers me a lot. The good thing is he has let me voice my opinion without a fuss. The bad part is he is not moving from his decision. I generally agree and understand Junior’s thought process. This time I don’t and I don’t want to insist on having my way but…..it is uncomfortable for sure. I believe in an united front the whole nine yards but…...so I am in a quandary as how to proceed. At present I’m asking God for guidance and so far I haven’t “heard” a direction yet. God may be teaching me to wait, to let it alone, I’m not sure. So the goal for now is to strive to “hear” God and then to act upon that. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 17 2014

July 17 2014 Greetings My Friend, I believe that God is one God. I believe that Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit are one and then I don’t get it….but I believe it. I realize God’s wisdom is infinitely more than mine. I accept that I don’t get it. When Jesus was baptized God spoke to the people that Jesus was His Son and He is proud. OK? God in Heaven is speaking and Jesus is in the flesh being baptized. I believe though. I also believe that the Holy Spirit is the Helper Jesus spoke of when he was going back to the Father. I can’t talk in tongues. I just know there are moments that He is near helping me, teaching me. I am changing as I obey His voice. The Bible often tells us to be in the Spirit. I have pondered this for a long time now. How do I know if I am in the Spirit? It isn’t a feeling I have in general but I know that He is there. There was the time I said exactly the right thing. I made the phone call to someone who needed to hear from me. There was that lady at the mall that time and the list goes on and on. Should I marry Junior? I felt the “yes” and did so and not one day goes by that I am not thankful. At present I pray to each one individually. It works for me so I do it. By praying to each one separately I learn who God is more fully. As I learn to “hear” God and my life changes for the better I believe all the more. For me prayer and Bible reading/study help me a whole lot. Church and the lessons we have in class and in the sermon help. Listening to Christian speakers help me grow in my faith as well. As I interact with Christians from different denominations I also find myself growing. My friend is Catholic and her heart is wonderful to engage with. We have conversations, not to prove our respective religions is the best but heart to heart faith discussions. I am amazed when I can connect heart to heart with people from different Christian faiths. It happens often for me. My Mother-in-law was Catholic and I was Presbyterian. She is the one I often look back to that to me had a genuine love for the Lord. I am grateful that my parents insisted that I go to church. To be honest I did not get the relationship part with Jesus until my 40’s. My Mother could quote doctrine but never quoted the Bible or explained what she found there. My Mother-in-law lived the Bible for me. When I first married her son she sat me down and talked to me about being an encourager a helper to my husband. She often taught me how to cook, clean and not to show off my wares to the world. It did not work that much back then but I truly see the lesson these days. I must admit I miss her a bunch and wish I could sit at her feet again. I begin my morning in prayer before I get out of bed. I pray in my chair during the day. As I see needs I pray and then at night I go to sleep talking to God. All this time alone with God helps me to hear His direction. I may feel rejected by man but God tells me daily I am special. He tells me when I’m doing something harmful to myself. He pushes me to take Him with me as I leave our home. Again I learn that actions speak louder than words. I learn to be patient, to apologize when I am not. I learn to focus my thoughts not on trash but on things that build me up, others up. The more I encourage the more alive I feel. My spiritual gift is being an encourager. I do it by writing, by being silly and being available to someone in need. I also think for me being frank about my own walk also encourages people. Not everyone gets what I am doing but many do. I believed all the veiled masks I saw in life. I believed that everyone in church and married truly knew what they were doing. Nope many did not. I sure did not and I kept being married in the flesh instead of the Spirit. Only thing is at that point the Spirit was only a word we said in church. I never got His role until I started to talk to Him directly. Today I hear better and I understand more so. When asked about the Father, Son and Holy Spirit being one I tend to look at my life. I am a wife, a mother and a grandmother. I then understand kind of God’s three in one aspect. I may never fully get it but I believe it with all my heart. I strive to live it the best I can with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, the Father’s tender hand and the Son’s willingness to leave Heaven to come into our world and ultimately die a death I can’t even fully grasp….the pain that is. I am continuing on in this journey. At present being in the Spirit to me means living the Bible to the best of my understanding. When I know the Bible and God speaks to me I am able to “hear” more, do more. It works. May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you. Love Janet

July 15 2014

July 15 2014 Greetings My Friend, I’m back from my daily walk. I got up late a couple of days last week and it was already too hot outside so I used the Elliptical instead. As I start a new week of walking outside I find that I need to build up my stamina again. It seems unfair. For most of my life a day or two off did not mean I start back at square one again. These days with COPD and balance issues I guess this is my new “normal”. I tell myself at least I keep moving and the more I move the better I feel and am. I will have a better quality of life and the whole nine yards. At present I am overcoming the heavy breathing I tend to have at the end of my walks. This is a time of quiet reflection for me so I will write or say prayers or even both before I get up and move about again. It also helps me with my overactive mind since I am changing thinking process’ from quiet to physical and such. Instead of focusing on “ain’t it awful?” I tend find myself being grateful to still be able to live a full life. I am able to learn and grow in new ways now and frankly I love learning new things. I am not stuck in the past but I continue to move forward overall. The sin of “comparison” tends to keep cropping up in life. N at church is in her 70’s. She leads a Sunday school class, helps with socials at church, visits shut ins and the list goes on. Same for P. This woman is also in her 70’s holds down a job and helps out on the farm she has with her husband. So I am 60 and I can’t and I want to and it doesn’t seem fair. Once more God reminds me that I am not P or N and I am doing another type of work. I take several hours each day to write. I write this blog, write a Letters From Janet Facebook page, do a regular FB page. I also do some housework and I cook one major meal each day. When I begin to list what I do do then I see that I have a full and productive life. I no longer can work with teens, I can not lead a Bible study, mission trips aren’t on the agenda anytime soon for me. I can write. I can be a comfort to someone struggling, I can pray and lately this is my goal in life is to pray for people. They may not know I am praying for them and I don’t mind. It is for their good and God knows my heart so that is all that matters. A friends husband has had some problems and has been in the hospital for a month or so. I saw her for the first time yesterday in a long time. I told her I wasn’t good at visits and such but I have been in prayer for them. Facebook, the news, friends, family all are places that I can reach through prayer. I have a person struggling big time right now and I pray for that person on and off all day. I pray for the family as well. I can’t be by their side but I can pray for them. As I pray there are times I sense God says pick up the phone, etc. My calling isn’t like my neighbors calling. My abilities are not like my neighbors abilities. I am learning that we are not all created the same. Some are artistic, musical, helpers, givers, teachers and the list goes on and on. When I can accept my abilities where I am at I tend to move forward, feel that life is full and rich and even like the person God is creating me to be. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 12 2014

July 12 2014 Greetings My Friend, I wrote a Sunday Letters From Janet Facebook page recently. As I do often I was re-reading what I wrote when it hit me I missed something I generally pray for and did not mention. My prayer goes like this “Holy Spirit teach me to love, to serve, to give and to share the Gospel. Teach me to bring it back and lay it at the Father’s feet for His glory.” I then add “More about the Father’s glory and not about “me.” INJN I missed speaking about the last part….”to share the Gospel.” As I read the Bible I hear often that we need to “go forth spreading the gospel to every nation and every tribe” along with other verses that to me say “we aren’t to keep this gift to ourselves but to share it with all we know and meet.” I also think spreading the Gospel is not only about the words “Jesus, God, Holy Spirit” but also about how I live day to day life. It is also about how I have a heart to give….not to each and every need to a heartfelt gift of service,time and money. It is having patience with someone whose lifestyle is different than mine. Most of us are a mess when we come to our faith journey. We may have been into drugs, sex and rock and roll or even crazier type of living. As an abused child and then adult I developed a rather harsh mouth. My harsh mouth was my defense and I wielded it in any direction I felt a need to. Sometimes new believers tend to wear provocative clothing, while other new believers may not be regular bathers. It is easy to look at these people and develop an attitude of “I’m so much more than you are, were, will ever be.” That is not where I feel God’s love to tell you the truth. He took me with my harsh mouth. He took me wearing tight jeans because I thought that was the only way I’d get a guy to look at me again. He took me when I felt “white lies” were kinder than the outright truth. I have changed from those days but at first…..I was not a pretty sight. Most of us are not pretty as begin our faith journey. God takes us where we are at and then begins to do a work in us. If we understand this, accept this gift then we need to be open to the idea other believers will come to God in real rough shape. Am I perfect in my acceptance of people….not all the time. When I catch the judgemental woman in me coming out though I strive to ask God to guide me, to forgive me and to be the person He wants me to be with that person. That is part of my growth as well, learning to love all God’s people. Once involved in the church life there are moments of more learning. I’d handle a project this way and it is being handled a totally different way. It isn’t always easy being involved in God’s work. For me I strive to ask God often to teach me to accept people where they are at and teach me how to relate to those that don’t make any sense to me. My first encounter to accepting people was Junior. Prior to Junior the men that did renovating and such would pick up each day after they were done. Everything was put away until the next work day and then brought out. Junior does not do that. A ladder may live in a room for months, tools will be scattered here and there. In his mind he is ready to start the next time he is ready to work. In my mind I see chaos, days where work can’t be done and once more the chaos tends to wear on me. When Junior finishes a project, he cleans it up, puts the tools away and the joy at the beauty of his creation reigns. He likes clutter around him, I don’t. That’s OK because as I learn over and over and yet another time. At some point the total chaos goes away and he has thought out our home and our needs a great deal. Some of us are starting our faith journey, some have been on it for a while. We learn as we accept, live out what we learn. Are you willing to look past the flaws and sees what God sees? May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 10

July 10 2014 Greetings My Friend, I am having a hard time focusing and getting my thoughts out this week for some reason. This is my 4th attempt to write this blog. I’ve thought about relationships and started to write then went on to think about the Creation Museum and Answers in Genesis which led to thoughts about people of long ago compared to today. My brain does that often this week seems to be more bouncing around than usual. So goes life. I think all my thoughts, let go and try again until I can get one theme going even if I tend to start off on a topic and move around. Spider webbing comes to mind. I heard a speaker one time talk about how women can start on one topic, talk about what went on at the meeting, at the dentist, at work and finish up with the topic she started on. To her they were all related. The speaker then taught that men think inside of a box, one thing at a time, close the door and move onto the next thing. No wonder men drive women crazy and women drive men crazy. Our brains are wired differently and so we experience life differently. As Junior and I continue to blend our lives together our different approaches begin to blend together. Junior has an ability to dissect something and get to the heart of the matter. For me to get to the heart of the matter I need to talk, talk some more and talk even more. In all the chatter I begin to see a solution. We’ve been married for 16 years and to be honest I think Junior is starting to understand that I don’t expect a solution, an answer each time I work through a situation. Recently I had bronchitis. My mind began working on the “why” I had it. Having had allergies most of my life I know that a lot of digging and probing goes into finding the cause and the how to deal with the trigger. I mentioned to Junior that I needed some help with this. I told him it would require a lot of talking on my part. He responded but I don’t know if he understood. As I talked about my bout of bronchitis on line, on the phone and with Junior people began suggesting things that pointed to my problem. By the end of this process I believe Junior got my need to talk. As people suggested things and I realized that the stripper I was using more than likely triggered my bronchitis we both began to explore ways to deal with this. We went to the paint store and bought a charcoal mask. This was sort of working. The more I breathed the steamier my glasses got and I can’t work without them. Next we picked up a pair of magnifying glasses so I can see, have them further down my nose etc. Junior says he is learning to shut out some of my chatter, not to ignore me but to allow me the chance to talk. He seems to be able to pick up when I need help and at that point he reenters in the dialogue with me. As a man he wants to fix things to solve the problem and they tend to be able to get to the heart of the matter right away. He now understands my process more so and we are starting to use it to benefit our lives. I am detail oriented which means I will think of those little things we need to do. He is big picture oriented and that helps me move out of detailing things to pieces thus never fully starting a project. I am more organized so I keep things running smoothly. Junior focuses on a project and not the clutter. I bring order and Junior creates and life is sweet. God has taught me to talk to Him first especially when Junior is acting so foreign to me. More often than not God shows me how Junior’s ways really help us get what we want. The same goes for Junior, God shows him how my ways help us on our journey. God wired us differently for a reason. “AND that is OK.” May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 8 2014

July 8 2014 Greetings My Friend, I am having a hard time focusing and getting my thoughts out this week for some reason. This is my 4th attempt to write this blog. I’ve thought about relationships and started to write then went on to think about the Creation Museum and Answers in Genesis which led to thoughts about people of long ago compared to today. My brain does that often this week seems to be more bouncing around than usual. So goes life. I think all my thoughts, let go and try again until I can get one theme going even if I tend to start off on a topic and move around. Spider webbing comes to mind. I heard a speaker one time talk about how women can start on one topic, talk about what went on at the meeting, at the dentist, at work and finish up with the topic she started on. To her they were all related. The speaker then taught that men think inside of a box, one thing at a time, close the door and move onto the next thing. No wonder men drive women crazy and women drive men crazy. Our brains are wired differently and so we experience life differently. As Junior and I continue to blend our lives together our different approaches begin to blend together. Junior has an ability to dissect something and get to the heart of the matter. For me to get to the heart of the matter I need to talk, talk some more and talk even more. In all the chatter I begin to see a solution. We’ve been married for 16 years and to be honest I think Junior is starting to understand that I don’t expect a solution, an answer each time I work through a situation. Recently I had bronchitis. My mind began working on the “why” I had it. Having had allergies most of my life I know that a lot of digging and probing goes into finding the cause and the how to deal with the trigger. I mentioned to Junior that I needed some help with this. I told him it would require a lot of talking on my part. He responded but I don’t know if he understood. As I talked about my bout of bronchitis on line, on the phone and with Junior people began suggesting things that pointed to my problem. By the end of this process I believe Junior got my need to talk. As people suggested things and I realized that the stripper I was using more than likely triggered my bronchitis we both began to explore ways to deal with this. We went to the paint store and bought a charcoal mask. This was sort of working. The more I breathed the steamier my glasses got and I can’t work without them. Next we picked up a pair of magnifying glasses so I can see, have them further down my nose etc. Junior says he is learning to shut out some of my chatter, not to ignore me but to allow me the chance to talk. He seems to be able to pick up when I need help and at that point he reenters in the dialogue with me. As a man he wants to fix things to solve the problem and they tend to be able to get to the heart of the matter right away. He now understands my process more so and we are starting to use it to benefit our lives. I am detail oriented which means I will think of those little things we need to do. He is big picture oriented and that helps me move out of detailing things to pieces thus never fully starting a project. I am more organized so I keep things running smoothly. Junior focuses on a project and not the clutter. I bring order and Junior creates and life is sweet. God has taught me to talk to Him first especially when Junior is acting so foreign to me. More often than not God shows me how Junior’s ways really help us get what we want. The same goes for Junior, God shows him how my ways help us on our journey. God wired us differently for a reason. “AND that is OK.” May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 5 2014

July 5 2014 Greetings My Friend, Junior is working on the electrical box which is near me. He is quietly pushing and shoving the electrical wires about. Bella and Mindy are romping around playing and Daisy is asleep at my feet in the recliner. The phone rings I have a quick conversation and hang up. Junior mentions he is up for a walk. For him it is a chance to pull away from his work to focus on other things in the hopes that when he comes back the wiring situation will fall into place. Our walk today crested the killer hill and we came back and down the road in the other direction since it is fairly much straight and all along our road is shade trees to help us continue further down the road. I get 20/25 minutes in and am pleased. My posture is straightening up. My shoulders aren’t staying close to my ears anymore and frankly that helps with the neck tension I get. For some reason I find myself walking straighter using the walker and I like the feeling. I strive to work out as I walk. The hills help build thigh muscles, builds endurance and I begin to feel stronger. The hand brakes on the walker are in use as I come down the hill and I believe I am working my wrists and hands out. At home I use resistance bands a few times during the day for my shoulders which also helps with neck tension. My neck pain is minimal today. I rarely need to take medication for the discomfort. I did last night. I went through the exercise routines and it would not go away. Finally I took medication, the first time in a few weeks. I work out to honor God. I also work out so that I can stay as active and healthy for as long as I can. Taking some of the excess weight off helps me as well. My joints get a break, I have more energy and I maintain a good weight for my size and age. When Mom had emphysema she was told she may be a candidate for lung reduction surgery. To be considered for surgery she had to be able to stand and walk the length of a room for a period of time. Mom could not make herself do this. It puzzled me to no end. As I talked to health care professionals I learned that when lung function diminishes the ability to push move out more is very hard. As I learn that I have COPD at times I can see that it is a struggle to push myself. My COPD is on the mild side and I am able to keep moving. As I keep moving I see that my stamina and energy level continue to rise. I know that I can’t hold down a part time job, volunteer position but I am able to keep house, cook, write and exercise. Some days I even work on crafts. At home I can work when I can and sit when I can’t. At the end of the day I have that sense of accomplishment that motivates me to get up and try again the next day. I will continue to push myself. At the same time I am good with I may be at the top of my game at this point. I won’t know though unless I keep trying so that is what I do. As I accept these limitations I also sense God directing me as well. The work God is giving me to do is work I can manage….writing, crafting and house work all fit in to my level of energy. Being busy and about work gives my day defination and I enjoy it. I believe God is continuing to give me gifts. My gift is the ability to work with a body that can’t do what it once did. The gift I have is an ability to create. I love creating our look with in our home. I love thinking up different meals for summer and winter. I am enjoying a creativeness as well. I am once more working on my quilt, on refinishing old furniture. I love writing and my writing projects continue to expand. Are you using all of your abilities? May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 3 2014

July 3 2014 Greetings My Friend, I thought I’d not take my Evening Primrose supplement yesterday and I wound up sleeping on and off all day. Today I took my supplement and I already feel way more awake. I have found the right balance of energy and ability to think in Evening Primrose. I am not a huge blueberry fan. They are OK but not my favorite fruit. We have bought frozen blueberries and I am eating some with my morning bowl of cereal. I also believe blueberries are helping me to think. My brain was prayerful so I stopped and said some prayers. I fell asleep and when I woke up it was lunch time so I made lunch. I feel refreshed and my brain is functioning again so I will write and then finish up the prayers I started. For me being older means I need to learn to roll with the moment and not fret that life isn’t going as I planned it to go. It is a huge lesson one I tend to have to work through almost daily. I mention it but I find I am not upset so there is progress. I guess I will know I have arrived when I don’t mention it to Junior. He says that I tend to tell him a bit too much. I am learning. I started off praying, fell asleep woke up and it was lunch time so I made lunch. I reformulate my plans and off I go into the rest of the day. It is what it is. Tonight I will look at the house and smile. The floors have been swept, the bathroom cleaned and I’ve wrote. I’ve found time to include some exercise into my day. If I don’t exercise I tend to have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep so I exercise not only to stay in shape I do it so I can sleep better at night. Daisy and Bella hang out with me most of the day. The big kids follow Dad around as he works inside and outside. It is cute and a comfort to see these two little ones near me. It is a comfort as I hear the herd of barking voices outside knowing that they are watching out for our safety. Junior working is an added bonus. Adding my work to our day to day life brings about a home that is just right for the two of us. As I write for the blog, FB, twitter I find a sense of being what I have been created to be…..a writer. I also work through life in the written word. It is how I process and then I share what I’ve learned. When I don’t do this I feel disjointed so I write and share. I continue to learn that a faith journey is more than a one time commitment. It is a day in and day out commitment. It is learning to “Be still and know God.” I also learn time and again that God loves me, understands when I fall down and will love me back to my feet again. Until I began this relationship with God love meant that if I screwed up, love was pulled out from under me. Maybe if I did enough “I’m sorry’s, please forgive me’s” I might get love again. The operative word is “maybe”. God does not hide the fact that I messed up from me. He does not white wash it. He does point it out, shows me another way to respond that a situation and through all of it I feel loved. I no longer put on the pretense of being “right, perfect” or whatever else. I learn to face “me” and not turn into a shapeless piece of blubber. When I am being “me” I find God telling me at times that He wants me to continue doing just what I am doing. When I know this I find that if someone finds me offensive that the problem is theirs not mine. I think sometimes God puts that piece of irritating grain inside us so that we are able to refine another person. Not to be arrogant but to help. As I continue on in this journey I am thankful for the times God has refined me. I am thankful for the lessons that have been learned some which were very painful. In abuse I was afraid of my own shadow. I was afraid to step out in confidence. God has held me and comforted me that when I fall down I am able to get back up and try again. In that I begin to expand my territory and grow in ways I never thought possible. I’ve had a lifelong love affair with writing. As I wrote to Junior day after day, was mentored a desire to write grew and now my writing is going out. I am sharing a faith journey, the ins the outs the ups and downs. I have people responding to what I write. So I share all the details of my journey in the hopes of opening a journey to someone else, someone who wanted to know some small insignificant piece of information. I wake up another day and begin that day’s journey of faith. At the end of the day I often can see the fruit of the work I did. It may be a picked up home, a husband who is content with what I was able to do for him or I may hear from someone that I opened the door to faith….. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Jane