July 19 2014

July 19 2014 Greetings My Friend, Daisy is washed and cleaned up for the next while. When I am done washing her I wrap her in a towel and we sit together for the longest time. It warms my heart to be honest. I usually fix her hair with a ponytail holder and put a fancy collar on her or a cute outfit. With the warmer weather I feel she is dressed up enough in a pretty collar. One of the things God wants us to be is truthful and in general I am good with this. Last night though, I did not want to hurt my friends feelings. The last trip we were on she wasn’t at our home for our animals for a few days. We pay her to stay right there with the animals. She had a bout of depression and some other stuff so she did not come by. We have a cat that needs to be medicated and one day without his medication could be a problem. We leave her our truck to use since her car isn’t in the best of shape. We’ve filled it up for her and we get back the tank hasn’t been topped off. She’s used most of it and well a truck costs a few dollars to keep gas in it. The last straw has been that she has asked us to take her to the doctor’s twice this month and we don’t mind but she’s cancelled both times. At this point we don’t know if we can depend on her. When she called I talked around the issue and told her we did not need her. I gave a flimsy excuse. I did not want to hurt her feelings. I found myself not able to sleep or to pray. I felt convicted so I texted her and said my son had some concerns and we were now actually going. I also asked God to forgive me. I knew I needed to be straight with her….but avoiding the confrontation won out. The more I thought on it I wondered why it was important to avoid the fact that we could not depend on her. She brought the situation about not that I want to be snotty but I also think we have a right to get another person when we are not sure. Confrontation is scary to me. I know this and I am still working it out even though the anger I lived with for so long is long gone. About the time I think I’ve overcome my past I am reminded that it still plays out in my life. So I learn about “me” some more. Junior continues to show me that being honest does not mean that fists will fly. My parents often tore into people for the littlest of infractions like an honest mistake with a sales clerk. If us kids did not follow the letter of their rules we felt their rath. We were not given much room to learn from our mistakes thus for me I became such a perfectionist and frankly I still did it wrong. I do have ideas and Junior does allow me to express my thoughts. He even gives me the freedom to make a decision and fall down. I do it better these days but I must admit there are still moments I tend to defer to his ways. I’m in a struggle right now. I’ve told Junior what I felt about a situation 3 times and he maintains he is not changing his mind. It bothers me a lot. The good thing is he has let me voice my opinion without a fuss. The bad part is he is not moving from his decision. I generally agree and understand Junior’s thought process. This time I don’t and I don’t want to insist on having my way but…..it is uncomfortable for sure. I believe in an united front the whole nine yards but…...so I am in a quandary as how to proceed. At present I’m asking God for guidance and so far I haven’t “heard” a direction yet. God may be teaching me to wait, to let it alone, I’m not sure. So the goal for now is to strive to “hear” God and then to act upon that. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet