July 3 2014

July 3 2014 Greetings My Friend, I thought I’d not take my Evening Primrose supplement yesterday and I wound up sleeping on and off all day. Today I took my supplement and I already feel way more awake. I have found the right balance of energy and ability to think in Evening Primrose. I am not a huge blueberry fan. They are OK but not my favorite fruit. We have bought frozen blueberries and I am eating some with my morning bowl of cereal. I also believe blueberries are helping me to think. My brain was prayerful so I stopped and said some prayers. I fell asleep and when I woke up it was lunch time so I made lunch. I feel refreshed and my brain is functioning again so I will write and then finish up the prayers I started. For me being older means I need to learn to roll with the moment and not fret that life isn’t going as I planned it to go. It is a huge lesson one I tend to have to work through almost daily. I mention it but I find I am not upset so there is progress. I guess I will know I have arrived when I don’t mention it to Junior. He says that I tend to tell him a bit too much. I am learning. I started off praying, fell asleep woke up and it was lunch time so I made lunch. I reformulate my plans and off I go into the rest of the day. It is what it is. Tonight I will look at the house and smile. The floors have been swept, the bathroom cleaned and I’ve wrote. I’ve found time to include some exercise into my day. If I don’t exercise I tend to have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep so I exercise not only to stay in shape I do it so I can sleep better at night. Daisy and Bella hang out with me most of the day. The big kids follow Dad around as he works inside and outside. It is cute and a comfort to see these two little ones near me. It is a comfort as I hear the herd of barking voices outside knowing that they are watching out for our safety. Junior working is an added bonus. Adding my work to our day to day life brings about a home that is just right for the two of us. As I write for the blog, FB, twitter I find a sense of being what I have been created to be…..a writer. I also work through life in the written word. It is how I process and then I share what I’ve learned. When I don’t do this I feel disjointed so I write and share. I continue to learn that a faith journey is more than a one time commitment. It is a day in and day out commitment. It is learning to “Be still and know God.” I also learn time and again that God loves me, understands when I fall down and will love me back to my feet again. Until I began this relationship with God love meant that if I screwed up, love was pulled out from under me. Maybe if I did enough “I’m sorry’s, please forgive me’s” I might get love again. The operative word is “maybe”. God does not hide the fact that I messed up from me. He does not white wash it. He does point it out, shows me another way to respond that a situation and through all of it I feel loved. I no longer put on the pretense of being “right, perfect” or whatever else. I learn to face “me” and not turn into a shapeless piece of blubber. When I am being “me” I find God telling me at times that He wants me to continue doing just what I am doing. When I know this I find that if someone finds me offensive that the problem is theirs not mine. I think sometimes God puts that piece of irritating grain inside us so that we are able to refine another person. Not to be arrogant but to help. As I continue on in this journey I am thankful for the times God has refined me. I am thankful for the lessons that have been learned some which were very painful. In abuse I was afraid of my own shadow. I was afraid to step out in confidence. God has held me and comforted me that when I fall down I am able to get back up and try again. In that I begin to expand my territory and grow in ways I never thought possible. I’ve had a lifelong love affair with writing. As I wrote to Junior day after day, was mentored a desire to write grew and now my writing is going out. I am sharing a faith journey, the ins the outs the ups and downs. I have people responding to what I write. So I share all the details of my journey in the hopes of opening a journey to someone else, someone who wanted to know some small insignificant piece of information. I wake up another day and begin that day’s journey of faith. At the end of the day I often can see the fruit of the work I did. It may be a picked up home, a husband who is content with what I was able to do for him or I may hear from someone that I opened the door to faith….. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Jane