July 1 2014

July 1 2014 Greetings My Friend I just hung up the phone with a lady I knew in MI. We had lost track of each other and through Facebook, we’ve hooked up again. Her husband has died and she has moved to Texas and we’ve moved to SWVA. It was good hearing from her again. Many of my friends my age range tend to either love social media or hate it. For me it has been a friend when I needed outside contact. It also allows me jump from one thought to the next like I used to jump from one project to the next when I had a healthier body. Sunday a beloved cat died. Our dogs found her in the yard as she was moving her children to a new spot and they attacked her. The babies are good and can eat cat food. I was surprised at the grief Junior and I felt. It was Facebook that helped me process this grief. I wrote what had happened and a couple of people reached back in a caring way. Monday we got up and I was able to move back into day to day life. Junior was moving about as well. We have learned through the years to let grief happen and if we are patient we will soon enter back into life again. As a child I had some very unpleasant things done to me. I struggled with my emotions for years. At some point I went into counseling. The first counselor kept telling me that what happened to me wasn’t that bad. That did not help me process and move on. I had a counselor who let me say what I needed to say and at that point I began letting go of the anger, the hurt and the like. As a child I also told everything and frankly that tattle tale attitude saved me a lot of sexual abuse because my abuser was never sure what I would tell next. To be honest I have never learned those things to keep quiet and those that don’t need to be told. I am not being a gossip to gossip, I just put it out all on the table. Sometimes I need to talk to work through a problem. Many times my talking is trying to understand “why” a person is the way they are, did what they did. If I understand I am able to move through the struggle. If I am not I chew on the struggle night and day. For me to let go I need to “talk”. As a woman I process through words. Junior is getting this aspect of my personality. Recently I came down with bronchitis again. Having had allergies I have learned to do detective work to find the source of the problem. My detective work is very verbal and I guess it drives people crazy. I am unaware of how much I verbalize. As I talked about what was going on prior to my episode of bronchitis an idea began to take shape. I talked about it on Facebook and friends mentioned the stripper I had used to strip a piece of furniture. It made sense. I was not fully aware of the powerful effect due to the fact that the stripper had no odor. Generally an odor is so strong on these things that I develop a nasty headache. This time I had no headache so I had no clue to my sensitive nature. Junior and I went out a bought a face mask with charcoal and I will see if I can continue doing these projects alongside of him. Now that I know I will be able to deal with my sensitivity. By delving into this I found the problem and was able to work around it. Talking has allowed me to say “I did not like that” and from that point I was able to let go of the hurt. Talking a lot has saved me from abuse as well. It is who I am and God continues to remind me that He is creating me. If this is the case then I learn to understand that my “talk” it out loud ways is not all wrong. I say things others won’t and often I hear back that a person was glad I did so they too could work out a struggle. I will strive to talk less, tell less. It is all I can do. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet