Greetings My Friend,
I am sitting in my recliner, writing when I notice my lower jaw quiver, that is weird I think and then I realize that Parkinson's seems to have tremors all over the place. I ask myself if I could exercise my jaw....lately I tell myself maybe exercise will help take it away....for awhile anyway. As the exercise thoughts fade my mind begins to contemplate how much work I put in trying to stay on top of this disease. At times I think it is the only focus I have anymore, how can I keep the symptoms at bay so I am able to enjoy day to day life for as long as I am able. The self focus is difficult when I would rather be involved with other people. As this thought fades I start thinking when all of a sudden I hear a ting, it is Debbie texting me asking me if I would be up to going to Pigeon Forge for 3 days with her and Boogie. I jump on the invite faster than lightning of course I want to go away. Pigeon Forge is only 4 hours from our house, hotel's have elevator's and we can shop, go to the room and hang out as much as we want to. All three of us don't have a whole lot of energy so it sounds like a good match. If Debbie and Boogie are tired and don't want to go out after our naps I can always take a walk around the hotel, go swimming or even exercise so that I can get back to sleep at night. I have felt I could handle a couple of days away nearby, we have a variety of areas around us that we could visit. Three days sounds like the right amount of time to go away and a huge break from the day in and day out routines in life. I appreciate Debbie and Boogie asking me to tag along, I love the thought of having some girlfriend time. Chronic illnesses are hard to deal with although my thinking is if we learn to manage our illnesses we can still have some fun in life. Debbie has severe asthma, Boogie is 85, needs oxygen and is rather weak anymore. As friends we understand that we will go and do as much as we can, there will be times we cancel on each other at the last minute and that is okay. I am thankful that Debbie and Boogie are comfortable with Junior hanging around and now I am thankful that they are comfortable to ask me to join in on some of their fun. I need miss going to dinner with a girlfriend like I used to do in Michigan sometimes a couple of us girls would take off for a weekend it gave us time to be all about the female side of things. When our time is done coming home to Junior will be special. His trip to Michigan recently taught me I can handle quite a lot on my own still, now I can learn how much I am able to handle on short trips away from home. God has opened up another opportunity to be with people and I am excited. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, September 16, 2017
Thursday, September 14, 2017
September 14, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
We were on the way to get our fur babies back from the Vet, Daisy was groomed and Roscoe our 10 year old rescue we have had for a year now had his teeth cleaned, 2 teeth extracted. For the past year we tried to get all the knots out of his long hair with no success so he was shaved while he was under as well. Our conversation turned to how difficult it is for others to understand how hard our chronic illnesses are. We remarked that you don't really understand unless you have it. Junior has had anger issues associated with PTSD the more we talked those anger issues were exaggerated due to sleep deprivation, some he brought on himself and some others did not give him the time to get enough sleep. Now that I am on the other side of my major sleep deprivation, we seem to understand more fully each others struggles. When my sleep issues were first apparent I heard more than once how lazy I was, I should just sleep when I can etc. The problem is I never got rested when I slept. Once the CPAP was introduced into my sleep habit I began getting a better quality of sleep and my slow upward ability to to do things began. Both Junior and I have been around others who were in chronic stages of poor health, neither of us fully got their struggle until we each had to deal with our own, then we only understood a tiny piece of the problem. The hernia and then nearly 3 months of trying to ween off of the catheter has made Junior slow down a ton. For years he fought his sleep, worked no matter how tired he was so when he was laid low he had to take naps, stop pushing himself to get things done. We both stop and take an afternoon nap these days and the best part for Junior is that with rest his anger has settled a lot. I always respected him because he did not display his anger that much, I could see it with the self chatter he had, the clenching of his fists etc. He is not doing those things anymore, it is amazing. We have been talking to God a whole lot recently, I was very discouraged when we could not get some construction done through Lowe's which had me seeking and asking Him what were we doing, not doing. Slowly we learned to keep slowing down, not only Junior had to but I was learning to rest more than 10 minutes at a time, awake. Finally I started taking a 2 hour nap, then I put in as much energy as I did prior to my nap walking, cleaning etc. as I did before my nap. I had the energy to do it which also helps me get to sleep at night. I also learned it was time to use the walker all the time, even at home. My theory is walking on my own wears me out and once I started using the walker I was able to do more. At home I don't wobble as much as I do when I am out but walking on my own is getting too hard to manage, which more than likely tires me out a lot as well. Part of the lesson I am learning is having Parkinson's is not a punishment rather it is a way God draws me closer to Him because I must depend on Him through these struggles. He then shows me how to deal with the struggle, He teaches me that I can be productive and I am always wanted. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
We were on the way to get our fur babies back from the Vet, Daisy was groomed and Roscoe our 10 year old rescue we have had for a year now had his teeth cleaned, 2 teeth extracted. For the past year we tried to get all the knots out of his long hair with no success so he was shaved while he was under as well. Our conversation turned to how difficult it is for others to understand how hard our chronic illnesses are. We remarked that you don't really understand unless you have it. Junior has had anger issues associated with PTSD the more we talked those anger issues were exaggerated due to sleep deprivation, some he brought on himself and some others did not give him the time to get enough sleep. Now that I am on the other side of my major sleep deprivation, we seem to understand more fully each others struggles. When my sleep issues were first apparent I heard more than once how lazy I was, I should just sleep when I can etc. The problem is I never got rested when I slept. Once the CPAP was introduced into my sleep habit I began getting a better quality of sleep and my slow upward ability to to do things began. Both Junior and I have been around others who were in chronic stages of poor health, neither of us fully got their struggle until we each had to deal with our own, then we only understood a tiny piece of the problem. The hernia and then nearly 3 months of trying to ween off of the catheter has made Junior slow down a ton. For years he fought his sleep, worked no matter how tired he was so when he was laid low he had to take naps, stop pushing himself to get things done. We both stop and take an afternoon nap these days and the best part for Junior is that with rest his anger has settled a lot. I always respected him because he did not display his anger that much, I could see it with the self chatter he had, the clenching of his fists etc. He is not doing those things anymore, it is amazing. We have been talking to God a whole lot recently, I was very discouraged when we could not get some construction done through Lowe's which had me seeking and asking Him what were we doing, not doing. Slowly we learned to keep slowing down, not only Junior had to but I was learning to rest more than 10 minutes at a time, awake. Finally I started taking a 2 hour nap, then I put in as much energy as I did prior to my nap walking, cleaning etc. as I did before my nap. I had the energy to do it which also helps me get to sleep at night. I also learned it was time to use the walker all the time, even at home. My theory is walking on my own wears me out and once I started using the walker I was able to do more. At home I don't wobble as much as I do when I am out but walking on my own is getting too hard to manage, which more than likely tires me out a lot as well. Part of the lesson I am learning is having Parkinson's is not a punishment rather it is a way God draws me closer to Him because I must depend on Him through these struggles. He then shows me how to deal with the struggle, He teaches me that I can be productive and I am always wanted. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
September 12, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
Our move to Virginia has been teaching us about being flexible. I would love to set up our home in a certain way, leave that way from then on. We have found through the very long process of renovating the need to rethink what we first thought we wanted. When Junior extended the front porch, he added an open spot where we would put in a fire pit. Last year we enjoyed a few fires in this spot which was up higher than the porch area. This summer Junior extended the porch, opened up a portion where there was no roof then we put the fire pit in that spot and we like it much better. The plan now for the old area for the fire pit is to put a container garden, mainly big pots of raspberries, blueberries, grapes and strawberries. That area has lattice fencing on three sides which is great for the vines to grow into. Their is no roof so the plants get plenty of sunshine and water when it rains. I am grateful that we rethought the use of the spot. Being flexible allows us to utilize the entire wrap around porch much more efficiently. The spot where the fire pit is now gives us a view of the road, the woods across from the road allowing us to relax in the beauty of God's creation. As we have renovated the house we found that the original idea generally needs to be tweaked once we live with it. Junior has been very good at making changes as he sees the need. Last year I dried squash, green peppers since it was my 1st year preserving food. I rarely use these in my everyday cooking so this year I did not dry any. I realized I mainly used corn, green beans, carrots and celery, for soup making. This year I only did what I mainly use. My faith journey also needs to be flexible as well. Right now I am trusting God as He is teaching me to exercise more. My mind wants to be busy with housework as my source of exercise, it is good and contributes greatly to my active level but I also need another more challenging type of exercise, mainly walking. Walking around the yard, proves to be a challenge for my leg muscles to navigate the bumpy and hilly grass, also taking a walk down our mountain country road gives me hills to work my thighs. These exercises along with housework are quieting down the spasms and tremor in my legs. I struggle with the thought that my baking is slacking off as I now help do dishes, exercise more outside. I need to remind myself that trusting God is more important than doing what makes sense to me or is comfortable. I have much the same struggle with the work God is giving me for His kingdom building. As a follower of Jesus, I have a heart for those that are in need due to the hurricane and long to reach out to help them by going down there. The reality is I won't be any good I tire easily, I cannot be of use and it makes me sad. I can donate items, money although to me being personal in my giving means more. God reminds me that my season of donating time is not there anymore and He has other work He wants me to be involved in. God reminds me about the importance of prayer, of donating goods or money to those in need right now. These jobs are very necessary as well, God reminds me how important donations were many years ago when I was a child and Dad had polio. The people's donations at church allowed my family to have food and clothing, Dad to get a back brace and so on. If people would not have given of their money as well as their time we would not have survived as well as we did. When I did short term mission trips I found that many times those I went to help often gave to me as much as I gave to them. I loved the lessons these people gave me in my life. I can share how God has worked in my life by talking to people online, at the store, being a neighbor. We always need to be a witness at home as much as away from home, this is the lesson I am learning about being flexible. It is exciting to travel to help others although there are people right in my neighborhood who need to know the love of God, the gift of Jesus in their lives. In the end being flexible is not about "me" but what God is calling me to do and then doing it with joy and enthusiasm. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Our move to Virginia has been teaching us about being flexible. I would love to set up our home in a certain way, leave that way from then on. We have found through the very long process of renovating the need to rethink what we first thought we wanted. When Junior extended the front porch, he added an open spot where we would put in a fire pit. Last year we enjoyed a few fires in this spot which was up higher than the porch area. This summer Junior extended the porch, opened up a portion where there was no roof then we put the fire pit in that spot and we like it much better. The plan now for the old area for the fire pit is to put a container garden, mainly big pots of raspberries, blueberries, grapes and strawberries. That area has lattice fencing on three sides which is great for the vines to grow into. Their is no roof so the plants get plenty of sunshine and water when it rains. I am grateful that we rethought the use of the spot. Being flexible allows us to utilize the entire wrap around porch much more efficiently. The spot where the fire pit is now gives us a view of the road, the woods across from the road allowing us to relax in the beauty of God's creation. As we have renovated the house we found that the original idea generally needs to be tweaked once we live with it. Junior has been very good at making changes as he sees the need. Last year I dried squash, green peppers since it was my 1st year preserving food. I rarely use these in my everyday cooking so this year I did not dry any. I realized I mainly used corn, green beans, carrots and celery, for soup making. This year I only did what I mainly use. My faith journey also needs to be flexible as well. Right now I am trusting God as He is teaching me to exercise more. My mind wants to be busy with housework as my source of exercise, it is good and contributes greatly to my active level but I also need another more challenging type of exercise, mainly walking. Walking around the yard, proves to be a challenge for my leg muscles to navigate the bumpy and hilly grass, also taking a walk down our mountain country road gives me hills to work my thighs. These exercises along with housework are quieting down the spasms and tremor in my legs. I struggle with the thought that my baking is slacking off as I now help do dishes, exercise more outside. I need to remind myself that trusting God is more important than doing what makes sense to me or is comfortable. I have much the same struggle with the work God is giving me for His kingdom building. As a follower of Jesus, I have a heart for those that are in need due to the hurricane and long to reach out to help them by going down there. The reality is I won't be any good I tire easily, I cannot be of use and it makes me sad. I can donate items, money although to me being personal in my giving means more. God reminds me that my season of donating time is not there anymore and He has other work He wants me to be involved in. God reminds me about the importance of prayer, of donating goods or money to those in need right now. These jobs are very necessary as well, God reminds me how important donations were many years ago when I was a child and Dad had polio. The people's donations at church allowed my family to have food and clothing, Dad to get a back brace and so on. If people would not have given of their money as well as their time we would not have survived as well as we did. When I did short term mission trips I found that many times those I went to help often gave to me as much as I gave to them. I loved the lessons these people gave me in my life. I can share how God has worked in my life by talking to people online, at the store, being a neighbor. We always need to be a witness at home as much as away from home, this is the lesson I am learning about being flexible. It is exciting to travel to help others although there are people right in my neighborhood who need to know the love of God, the gift of Jesus in their lives. In the end being flexible is not about "me" but what God is calling me to do and then doing it with joy and enthusiasm. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, September 9, 2017
September 9, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
I would so love to help those caught up in the after effects of the hurricane, I can't due to my disability. I miss going on short term mission trips, volunteering to help out at food pantries, put on Re Married workshops even work with the youth. I could feel of no use at all or learn how I can use what God has given me to help others, I choose the latter. Sometimes I think God is teaching me all about the work that still is available for me to do from the comfort of my home. At times I find out how much I want to be noticed, to get accolades for the work I am doing so God has allowed my health to decline so that I am able to learn the comfort of helping without being noticed. Just as my prayer life in private brings me more in tune with God's love and desire for me, for the world I also learn that God's work for me does not always entail huge amounts of physical energy, sometimes I am able to comfort others at the store, online or even with a phone call. Many times people are watching how Junior and I are interacting as a couple and our comfort with each other is what God is using to bring others to Himself. The older I am getting the more I believe that God is opening up new ways to serve Him without being public such as short term mission trips, leading teenagers or even singing in the choir. It is the time in my life to step aside as a new set of younger people come forward to allow them to begin to learn to serve in the areas I am now leaving behind. God has not forgotten me either, He is shifting things around much like what my job at the bank was doing over and over. Life is not stagnant but it is fluid and changing so my life will continue to be the same fluid and changing. I believe God does not mind me remembering the past things I was involved in, like I love talking to Marilyn about when we used to work with the youth. Those memories sustain me a lot, I am thrilled some of the youth have found me online and are allowing me to watch them with their children. I also need to live in the present, to work with the abilities I have right now too. Junior and I work hard on our marriage we ask God to direct us, to teach us what the other needs, I love my life with Junior, even the crazy parts where he is so different than I am. Prior to Junior I did not believe a man and a woman could enjoy each other the way we do. Today I know without Jesus I make a mess of things trying to love on my terms. It does not work. God is keeping my mind active, teaching me how to work with a broken body all because He is not through with me yet. That makes me feel loved and wanted so I learn to work through the difficulties, accept I can't help those down in Texas and thereabouts and I find myself saying that comfortable refrain,"And that is okay." God is still in charge I am grateful. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
I would so love to help those caught up in the after effects of the hurricane, I can't due to my disability. I miss going on short term mission trips, volunteering to help out at food pantries, put on Re Married workshops even work with the youth. I could feel of no use at all or learn how I can use what God has given me to help others, I choose the latter. Sometimes I think God is teaching me all about the work that still is available for me to do from the comfort of my home. At times I find out how much I want to be noticed, to get accolades for the work I am doing so God has allowed my health to decline so that I am able to learn the comfort of helping without being noticed. Just as my prayer life in private brings me more in tune with God's love and desire for me, for the world I also learn that God's work for me does not always entail huge amounts of physical energy, sometimes I am able to comfort others at the store, online or even with a phone call. Many times people are watching how Junior and I are interacting as a couple and our comfort with each other is what God is using to bring others to Himself. The older I am getting the more I believe that God is opening up new ways to serve Him without being public such as short term mission trips, leading teenagers or even singing in the choir. It is the time in my life to step aside as a new set of younger people come forward to allow them to begin to learn to serve in the areas I am now leaving behind. God has not forgotten me either, He is shifting things around much like what my job at the bank was doing over and over. Life is not stagnant but it is fluid and changing so my life will continue to be the same fluid and changing. I believe God does not mind me remembering the past things I was involved in, like I love talking to Marilyn about when we used to work with the youth. Those memories sustain me a lot, I am thrilled some of the youth have found me online and are allowing me to watch them with their children. I also need to live in the present, to work with the abilities I have right now too. Junior and I work hard on our marriage we ask God to direct us, to teach us what the other needs, I love my life with Junior, even the crazy parts where he is so different than I am. Prior to Junior I did not believe a man and a woman could enjoy each other the way we do. Today I know without Jesus I make a mess of things trying to love on my terms. It does not work. God is keeping my mind active, teaching me how to work with a broken body all because He is not through with me yet. That makes me feel loved and wanted so I learn to work through the difficulties, accept I can't help those down in Texas and thereabouts and I find myself saying that comfortable refrain,"And that is okay." God is still in charge I am grateful. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, September 7, 2017
September 7, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
Dan and Brad both have Parkinson's like I have, they are a few years ahead of me with their disease and both are as different as day is from night with how the disease is progressing in them. I like wise and completely different as well the only one with a noticeable tremor is Brad, Dan and I hardly have a tremor in comparison. Dan and Brad have attended church regularly for years and now are not there each week like they once were, this is a concern for me as I progress. I have always been social and active, I wonder at times when I can't get out and around how I will handle being home day in and day out. For the last few years God has been teaching me to stay home, to focus more on what I am able to do at home. I need to rest more so running is getting more difficult, traveling overnight or for a vacation is out of the question these days. I keep trying to convince Junior I can handle an over night or 2, he knows I can't although he allows me to decide. When he went to Michigan a couple of weeks ago he invited me to join him, I thought long and hard, tried to figure a way to deal with my Chronic Fatigue, stairs, etc., in the end I stayed home. Peggy has been in the hospital for a few months, had brain surgery and is now on the upside of a long battle to recovery. We pray for her anxiously wanting her to be back with us and I wonder if when she can't will she be forgotten. The people who love her, know her will check in on her, but I wonder. I believe Junior and I will be visiting Peggy like we do Debbie and Boogie, I don't know that we will be as close to Peggy as we are Debbie and Boogie but we will attempt to love her. I struggle with being home with little or no social activity with the church or even the outside world. I know God has this so as I start to allow these thoughts in I attempt to give it to God. When I got divorced I struggled with my life in my little family being covered up and not remembered for any of the good I may have been. I felt lost, bothered about my death and nothing to connect me to life like Mom and Dad buried side by side. God reminds me though that I have a legacy in him, I have a friend in Him and I matter to Him. Once again I learn that God has introduced me to the internet where I have some good Christian friends, many who are struggling with their own chronic disease. God has shown me recently that there will be friends and family who will come beside me when I need it and God once more echo's in my heart "I will never leave you or forsake you." Again I hear Terrie remark "God's got this" in my soul and more than likely when I can't be at church or go away like I used to I will be more interested in coping with my disease where visiting others may actually be hard. It seems as if God is training me to rely on Him more and more so that when my time on earth is done, leaving won't be hard and His welcoming hands will encourage me to visit Him in His home. For now though I search for God's desire for my life, try to fulfill that desire. I made oatmeal cake the other day, old fashioned homemade cake and marveled at the wonderful taste of food from the bounty of God instead of man made processed food. I seek the ways of days gone by and meet God in the simple things, porch sitting, the harvest of food from the land we have and watching the humming birds, the cardinals, wood peckers and finches come take food from the feeders we have. I then wonder why I was anxious to begin with and I leave my cares in the fire pit ashes. God is with me even in the fearful quiet of my mind. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Dan and Brad both have Parkinson's like I have, they are a few years ahead of me with their disease and both are as different as day is from night with how the disease is progressing in them. I like wise and completely different as well the only one with a noticeable tremor is Brad, Dan and I hardly have a tremor in comparison. Dan and Brad have attended church regularly for years and now are not there each week like they once were, this is a concern for me as I progress. I have always been social and active, I wonder at times when I can't get out and around how I will handle being home day in and day out. For the last few years God has been teaching me to stay home, to focus more on what I am able to do at home. I need to rest more so running is getting more difficult, traveling overnight or for a vacation is out of the question these days. I keep trying to convince Junior I can handle an over night or 2, he knows I can't although he allows me to decide. When he went to Michigan a couple of weeks ago he invited me to join him, I thought long and hard, tried to figure a way to deal with my Chronic Fatigue, stairs, etc., in the end I stayed home. Peggy has been in the hospital for a few months, had brain surgery and is now on the upside of a long battle to recovery. We pray for her anxiously wanting her to be back with us and I wonder if when she can't will she be forgotten. The people who love her, know her will check in on her, but I wonder. I believe Junior and I will be visiting Peggy like we do Debbie and Boogie, I don't know that we will be as close to Peggy as we are Debbie and Boogie but we will attempt to love her. I struggle with being home with little or no social activity with the church or even the outside world. I know God has this so as I start to allow these thoughts in I attempt to give it to God. When I got divorced I struggled with my life in my little family being covered up and not remembered for any of the good I may have been. I felt lost, bothered about my death and nothing to connect me to life like Mom and Dad buried side by side. God reminds me though that I have a legacy in him, I have a friend in Him and I matter to Him. Once again I learn that God has introduced me to the internet where I have some good Christian friends, many who are struggling with their own chronic disease. God has shown me recently that there will be friends and family who will come beside me when I need it and God once more echo's in my heart "I will never leave you or forsake you." Again I hear Terrie remark "God's got this" in my soul and more than likely when I can't be at church or go away like I used to I will be more interested in coping with my disease where visiting others may actually be hard. It seems as if God is training me to rely on Him more and more so that when my time on earth is done, leaving won't be hard and His welcoming hands will encourage me to visit Him in His home. For now though I search for God's desire for my life, try to fulfill that desire. I made oatmeal cake the other day, old fashioned homemade cake and marveled at the wonderful taste of food from the bounty of God instead of man made processed food. I seek the ways of days gone by and meet God in the simple things, porch sitting, the harvest of food from the land we have and watching the humming birds, the cardinals, wood peckers and finches come take food from the feeders we have. I then wonder why I was anxious to begin with and I leave my cares in the fire pit ashes. God is with me even in the fearful quiet of my mind. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
September 5, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
With my Parkinson's I find it hard to get a bushel of vegetables and prepare them to put up for the next year, although I have found preparing smaller portions each week helps me to accomplish enough to get us through the next year. Most weeks I will get something like green beans, corn, celery and carrots, each day I will prepare one of the vegetables mainly dehydrating them. I love putting up God's bountiful foods to enjoy all year long. Being an older person and having a disability is teaching me to break my work down into small manageable pieces, sometimes I have to let go of a few projects in order to get more important things done first. It has been awhile since I dusted, I can't bake cake and cookies like I have been doing and I am sad although it is okay as well. I feel like I have more energy now that I am taking a 2 hour nap each day, at the same time when I take that long of a nap, I find I don't have the time to accomplish all the things I was accomplishing. Junior and I have both started washing the dishes after we eat which helps keep the kitchen looking a bit more organized. I am grateful that Junior pitches in so our home is clean and comfortable. Since Junior had his hernia operation in May along with his bladder issues he has had to slow down quite a bit. We felt God teaching us to stop at the end of the day, sit on the porch to talk, listen to the sounds of nature and relax with a fire. I believe we are both relishing the gift of our home, the mountains, the woods and our fur family. When we get up the next morning we have a peace about us as we enter into our days activities. Even though we are slowing down what we have been doing around the house, I see that the work we want to accomplish is getting done. We may have to readjust our expectations like the renovating will be a longer, slower process and for some reason we are not as anxious to get it finished as we when we first started 8 years ago. We are comfortable as it is right now even though we want to do more and I am surprised that I am accepting this. We have learned to care for each other some more, like calling home health care when Junior had his catheter on and needed it adjusted. Junior gets my walker out of the back of the truck when we go somewhere and I am grateful. It seems as if our thinking is we are each others caregiver first and anything else is good which is why we are relaxing the desire to get all the renovation work accomplished. I know I feel this especially at night in front of the fire, I am grateful to be with Junior each day and I sense his comfort is the same with me. Being disabled is a lot of work but when we ask God to guide us I find that we are managing rather well. I know without a doubt now when the time comes that we need more focused help that God will provide and that quiets the anxiety that wants to run rampant in my brain. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
With my Parkinson's I find it hard to get a bushel of vegetables and prepare them to put up for the next year, although I have found preparing smaller portions each week helps me to accomplish enough to get us through the next year. Most weeks I will get something like green beans, corn, celery and carrots, each day I will prepare one of the vegetables mainly dehydrating them. I love putting up God's bountiful foods to enjoy all year long. Being an older person and having a disability is teaching me to break my work down into small manageable pieces, sometimes I have to let go of a few projects in order to get more important things done first. It has been awhile since I dusted, I can't bake cake and cookies like I have been doing and I am sad although it is okay as well. I feel like I have more energy now that I am taking a 2 hour nap each day, at the same time when I take that long of a nap, I find I don't have the time to accomplish all the things I was accomplishing. Junior and I have both started washing the dishes after we eat which helps keep the kitchen looking a bit more organized. I am grateful that Junior pitches in so our home is clean and comfortable. Since Junior had his hernia operation in May along with his bladder issues he has had to slow down quite a bit. We felt God teaching us to stop at the end of the day, sit on the porch to talk, listen to the sounds of nature and relax with a fire. I believe we are both relishing the gift of our home, the mountains, the woods and our fur family. When we get up the next morning we have a peace about us as we enter into our days activities. Even though we are slowing down what we have been doing around the house, I see that the work we want to accomplish is getting done. We may have to readjust our expectations like the renovating will be a longer, slower process and for some reason we are not as anxious to get it finished as we when we first started 8 years ago. We are comfortable as it is right now even though we want to do more and I am surprised that I am accepting this. We have learned to care for each other some more, like calling home health care when Junior had his catheter on and needed it adjusted. Junior gets my walker out of the back of the truck when we go somewhere and I am grateful. It seems as if our thinking is we are each others caregiver first and anything else is good which is why we are relaxing the desire to get all the renovation work accomplished. I know I feel this especially at night in front of the fire, I am grateful to be with Junior each day and I sense his comfort is the same with me. Being disabled is a lot of work but when we ask God to guide us I find that we are managing rather well. I know without a doubt now when the time comes that we need more focused help that God will provide and that quiets the anxiety that wants to run rampant in my brain. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, September 2, 2017
September 2, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
Sometimes it seems I need to loose something in order to gain better things. The more I reviewed the need to use a walker, the more loss I was feeling in my life. I felt my Parkinson's was continuing to take away from my life sending me into a state of despair along with the need to use a walker at home, the exhaustion wore on me and I felt the decline in my life. When Junior left me home for a few days I started to learn that using the walker and taking a nap daily actually was giving me back some of my energy. While Junior was away I learned I could truly take care of my life, keep house, make my own meals and getting around seemed feasible with public transport and friends. As I reviewed all that I was capable of Junior came home from his trip to Michigan with the flu. He always has unpacked the cars, I found myself feeling overwhelmed with the unpacking process so when he was sick I decided to help him and do it for him. The great thing is Junior bought a hand cart to load heavy things onto, so I dragged the cart with me to the truck and proceeded to unload the truck. Junior had a heavy box which I was able to slide the package off and put on the hand cart. As I reflected on my new found abilities to do old things I remembered that there were a few nights sitting on the porch where I attempted to start a fire in the fire pit. I marveled that I would even consider playing around with building a fire, something I have never done because making the fire always scared me. As I neared retirement my sleep kept getting bad, I would wake up struggling to breathe. A few years into retirement I discovered that I have sleep apnea, once I started using a CPAP machine my sleeping started getting better, I could sleep for a few hours at a time instead of an hour or so. My emotional health kept getting worse when I was not sleeping well and I remembered all the fears of being afraid of the night, of people etc. When I could not get a grip on my fears my doctor put me on medication that helped me get my fears under control. Today I am not afraid to be outside after dark, I can make a fire in the wood stove or fire pit, I don't need to close all the curtains each night at dusk and I have freedom that I have never known. The dogs gave me a sense of safety while Junior was away in fact while Junior was gone I had a visit from Brenda. Brenny does not know Brenda since she no longer comes around like did and when Brenda stopped by she had to call me to come out to call Brenny to me. Brenny followed her everywhere she went, smelled her and let her know she was watching her. I felt very safe and protected with our fur children standing guard. I used to hate being left home by myself, Junior's trip showed me I can manage rather well. When he returned I was happy to see him and I felt secure that I was able to manage. I lost the ability to walk around the house on my own and gained a sense of confidence I have never known. God works in awesome ways and I am grateful to have faced the fears head on. God was always there in the background should I have needed help. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Sometimes it seems I need to loose something in order to gain better things. The more I reviewed the need to use a walker, the more loss I was feeling in my life. I felt my Parkinson's was continuing to take away from my life sending me into a state of despair along with the need to use a walker at home, the exhaustion wore on me and I felt the decline in my life. When Junior left me home for a few days I started to learn that using the walker and taking a nap daily actually was giving me back some of my energy. While Junior was away I learned I could truly take care of my life, keep house, make my own meals and getting around seemed feasible with public transport and friends. As I reviewed all that I was capable of Junior came home from his trip to Michigan with the flu. He always has unpacked the cars, I found myself feeling overwhelmed with the unpacking process so when he was sick I decided to help him and do it for him. The great thing is Junior bought a hand cart to load heavy things onto, so I dragged the cart with me to the truck and proceeded to unload the truck. Junior had a heavy box which I was able to slide the package off and put on the hand cart. As I reflected on my new found abilities to do old things I remembered that there were a few nights sitting on the porch where I attempted to start a fire in the fire pit. I marveled that I would even consider playing around with building a fire, something I have never done because making the fire always scared me. As I neared retirement my sleep kept getting bad, I would wake up struggling to breathe. A few years into retirement I discovered that I have sleep apnea, once I started using a CPAP machine my sleeping started getting better, I could sleep for a few hours at a time instead of an hour or so. My emotional health kept getting worse when I was not sleeping well and I remembered all the fears of being afraid of the night, of people etc. When I could not get a grip on my fears my doctor put me on medication that helped me get my fears under control. Today I am not afraid to be outside after dark, I can make a fire in the wood stove or fire pit, I don't need to close all the curtains each night at dusk and I have freedom that I have never known. The dogs gave me a sense of safety while Junior was away in fact while Junior was gone I had a visit from Brenda. Brenny does not know Brenda since she no longer comes around like did and when Brenda stopped by she had to call me to come out to call Brenny to me. Brenny followed her everywhere she went, smelled her and let her know she was watching her. I felt very safe and protected with our fur children standing guard. I used to hate being left home by myself, Junior's trip showed me I can manage rather well. When he returned I was happy to see him and I felt secure that I was able to manage. I lost the ability to walk around the house on my own and gained a sense of confidence I have never known. God works in awesome ways and I am grateful to have faced the fears head on. God was always there in the background should I have needed help. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
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