September 7, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

Dan and Brad both have Parkinson's like I have, they are a few years ahead of me with their disease and both are as different as day is from night with how the disease is progressing in them. I like wise and completely different as well the only one with a noticeable tremor is Brad, Dan and I hardly have a tremor in comparison. Dan and Brad have attended church regularly for years and now are not there each week like they once were, this is a concern for me as I progress. I have always been social and active, I wonder at times when I can't get out and around how I will handle being home day in and day out. For the last few years God has been teaching me to stay home, to focus more on what I am able to do at home. I need to rest more so running is getting more difficult, traveling overnight or for a vacation is out of the question these days. I keep trying to convince Junior I can handle an over night or 2, he knows I can't although he allows me to decide. When he went to Michigan a couple of weeks ago he invited me to join him, I thought long and hard, tried to figure a way to deal with my Chronic Fatigue, stairs, etc., in the end I stayed home. Peggy has been in the hospital for a few months, had brain surgery and is now on the upside of a long battle to recovery. We pray for her anxiously wanting her to be back with us and I wonder if when she can't will she be forgotten. The people who love her, know her will check in on her, but I wonder. I believe Junior and I will be visiting Peggy like we do Debbie and Boogie, I don't know that we will be as close to Peggy as we are Debbie and Boogie but we will attempt to love her. I struggle with being home with little or no social activity with the church or even the outside world. I know God has this so as I start to allow these thoughts in I attempt to give it to God. When I got divorced I struggled with my life in my little family being covered up and not remembered for any of the good I may have been. I felt lost, bothered about my death and nothing to connect me to life like Mom and Dad buried side by side. God reminds me though that I have a legacy in him, I have a friend in Him and I matter to Him. Once again I learn that God has introduced me to the internet where I have some good Christian friends, many who are struggling with their own chronic disease. God has shown me recently that there will be friends and family who will come beside me when I need it and God once more echo's in my heart "I will never leave you or forsake you." Again I hear Terrie remark "God's got this" in my soul and more than likely when I can't be at church or go away like I used to I will be more interested in coping with my disease where visiting others may actually be hard. It seems as if God is training me to rely on Him more and more so that when my time on earth is done, leaving won't be hard and His welcoming hands will encourage me to visit Him in His home. For now though I search for God's desire for my life, try to fulfill that desire. I made oatmeal cake the other day, old fashioned homemade cake and marveled at the wonderful taste of food from the bounty of God instead of man made processed food. I seek the ways of days gone by and meet God in the simple things, porch sitting, the harvest of food from the land we have and watching the humming birds, the cardinals, wood peckers and finches come take food from the feeders we have. I then wonder why I was anxious to begin with and I leave my cares in the fire pit ashes. God is with me even in the fearful quiet of my mind. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet