September 2, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

Sometimes it seems I need to loose something in order to gain better things. The more I reviewed the need to use a walker, the more loss I was feeling in my life. I felt my Parkinson's was continuing to take away from my life sending me into a state of despair along with the need to use a walker at home, the exhaustion wore on me and I felt the decline in my life. When Junior left me home for a few days I started to learn that using the walker and taking a nap daily actually was giving me back some of my energy. While Junior was away I learned I could truly take care of my life, keep house, make my own meals and getting around seemed feasible with public transport and friends. As I reviewed all that I was capable of Junior came home from his trip to Michigan with the flu. He always has unpacked the cars, I found myself feeling overwhelmed with the unpacking process so when he was sick I decided to help him and do it for him. The great thing is Junior bought a hand cart to load heavy things onto, so I dragged the cart with me to the truck and proceeded to unload the truck. Junior had a heavy box which I was able to slide the package off and put on the hand cart. As I reflected on my new found abilities to do old things I remembered that there were a few nights sitting on the porch where I attempted to start a fire in the fire pit. I marveled that I would even consider playing around with building a fire, something I have never done because making the fire always scared me. As I neared retirement my sleep kept getting bad, I would wake up struggling to breathe. A few years into retirement I discovered that I have sleep apnea, once I started using a CPAP machine my sleeping started getting better, I could sleep for a few hours at a time instead of an hour or so. My emotional health kept getting worse when I was not sleeping well and I remembered all the fears of being afraid of the night, of people etc. When I could not get a grip on my fears my doctor put me on medication that helped me get my fears under control. Today I am not afraid to be outside after dark, I can make a fire in the wood stove or fire pit, I don't need to close all the curtains each night at dusk and I have freedom that I have never known. The dogs gave me a sense of safety while Junior was away in fact while Junior was gone I had a visit from Brenda. Brenny does not know Brenda since she no longer comes around like did and when Brenda stopped by she had to call me to come out to call Brenny to me. Brenny followed her everywhere she went, smelled her and let her know she was watching her. I felt very safe and protected with our fur children standing guard. I used to hate being left home by myself, Junior's trip showed me I can manage rather well. When he returned I was happy to see him and I felt secure that I was able to manage. I lost the ability to walk around the house on my own and gained a sense of confidence I have never known. God works in awesome ways and I am grateful to have faced the fears head on. God was always there in the background should I have needed help. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet