September 14, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

We were on the way to get our fur babies back from the Vet, Daisy was groomed and Roscoe our 10 year old rescue we have had for a year now had his teeth cleaned, 2 teeth extracted. For the past year we tried to get all the knots out of his long hair with no success so he was shaved while he was under as well. Our conversation turned to how difficult it is for others to understand how hard our chronic illnesses are. We remarked that you don't really understand unless you have it. Junior has had anger issues associated with PTSD the more we talked those anger issues were exaggerated due to sleep deprivation, some he brought on himself and some others did not give him the time to get enough sleep. Now that I am on the other side of my major sleep deprivation, we seem to understand more fully each others struggles. When my sleep issues were first apparent I heard more than once how lazy I was, I should just sleep when I can etc. The problem is I never got rested when I slept. Once the  CPAP was introduced into my sleep habit I began getting a better quality of sleep and my slow upward ability to  to do things began. Both Junior and I have been around others who were in chronic stages of poor health, neither of us fully got their struggle until we each had to deal with our own, then we only understood a tiny piece of the problem. The hernia and then nearly 3 months of trying to ween off of the catheter has made Junior slow down a ton. For years he fought his sleep, worked no matter how tired he was so when he was laid low he had to take naps, stop pushing himself to get things done. We both stop and take an afternoon nap these days and the best part for Junior is that with rest his anger has settled a lot. I always respected him because he did not display his anger that much, I could see it with the self chatter he had, the clenching of his fists etc. He is not doing those things anymore, it is amazing. We have been talking to God a whole lot recently, I was very discouraged when we could not get some construction done through Lowe's which had me seeking and asking Him what were we doing, not doing. Slowly we learned to keep slowing down, not only Junior had to but I was learning to rest more than 10 minutes at a time, awake. Finally I started taking a 2 hour nap, then I put in as much energy as I did prior to my nap walking, cleaning etc. as I did before my nap. I had the energy to do it which also helps me get to sleep at night. I also learned it was time to use the walker all the time, even at home. My theory is walking on my own wears me out and once I started using the walker I was able to do more. At home I don't wobble as much as I do when I am out but walking on my own is getting too hard to manage, which more than likely tires me out a lot as well. Part of the lesson I am learning is having Parkinson's is not a punishment rather it is a way God draws me closer to Him because I must depend on Him through these struggles. He then shows me how to deal with the struggle, He teaches me that I can be productive and I am always wanted. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet