May 22 2014

May 22 2014

Greetings My Friend,

As I read FB I see a story about a woman who “lived” through the death of her beloved husband. She did this by leaning on God. She felt God's mighty hold on her and as she felt His strength on her she was able to put one foot in front of the other. She was able to move through each day.

After 24 years of being married I found myself single again. I felt discarded and unwanted. It truly was the best for me to not be in the midst of abuse anymore. Still I wasn't sure I wanted to be single. I believed that I could not handle life on my own.

As I opened my heart to God though I started facing each day and making a new life. I began a “thank you” journal. That journal helped me to see all that I truly had. I moved in with Mom so I had a warm home to live in. I helped Mom by getting her house in order for her to begin retirement. Night after night I'd haul boxes of things to the curb. All the hauling and moving things tired me out and I found that my brain did not keep repeating the hurt I knew so well.

Mom had dinner for me in the evenings when I got home from work. That was a treat. I usually came home and made dinner for the family and now I was given a treat. Mom often took my car in for maintenance work and I drove Mom's car to work. That was nice.

Mom's health was getting worse. Emphysema was taking its toll on her. She gave up smoking when she no longer could inhale. I think she missed Dad. I would run errands for Mom and when she felt up to it I would take her with me. Mom gave my day definition.

I found a singles group to join and new friends came across my path. Junior crossed my path. He was my facilitator for Divorce Recovery. I had learned to let go of my former marriage. I started finding the person I was and I was liking “me.”

Junior and I married. Before running off to Ohio I started praying and asking God if I should marry this man. I knew how I loved being near him but I did not want to be abused again. I'd rather stay single than go through all the abuse. I felt God release the fear in me and I sensed Him saying to “Go and don't look back.” I went and did not look back. These past 16 years have been awesome.

We had the struggle of combining two different people into one relationship but we kept taking our marriage to God and today we rarely have words. We are good friends and I love it.

The more I learned to trust God to rely on God the more I went to God for each step in my journey of life and faith. At one point God asked to have “more” of me. I questioned Him big time for a period of time and then I found myself letting go and allowing God to have “all of me.”

Since that moment I have a deeper peace. My day starts off in prayer and part of that prayer is “Lord put me, this day, my life to Your Holy use.” As I keep giving God “all” of me I find it is not scary. I find myself accepting “myself” as I am.

At this point in my life I tend to give God all of me. I seek God for everything in my life. Talking to God as I go to sleep and wake up. Some mornings I linger in bed so I can be closer to God longer. It is a precious feeling.

Gone is the loneliness of a lifetime. Many people still tend to not seem to like me. Today though I don't strive to a “people pleaser.” My goal is God first even before Junior. The more I learn and do this the more life tends to be pleasant.

Where do you get your peace? Money? Man? God????

May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.

Love

Janet