January 31, 2009
James 2:1
My brothers, as believers in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, you must never treat people in different ways according to their outward appearance.

Greetings my Friend,
I was having a conversation with a friend. It was a struggle I had recently gone through. It was a struggle I continue to deal with even though I am long out of high school. I have always wanted to be “popular.” I have always wanted to be like other people – to know I am “normal.”
I have always been a little different. As an adult I have tended to walk in two different worlds. I understand a lower middle class way of life and for some reason; I am able to interact with middle class people as well. I have wanted to blend more with the middle class people, to fit in. I have always been amazed when I have been accepted by this crowd. I am amazed when they want to be friends with me. For a long time, I even struggled with not having a college degree. I got married out of high school and had children right away. I felt inadequate and different.
I loved being a mother although I eventually found myself taking college classes. I needed to work and the classes helped me earn a decent income. I never completed a degree. I did get enough education to work in the Commercial Loan Processing area at the bank. I often talked to CEO’s or CFO’s regarding their loans. I handled millions of dollars in transactions. Still, I never felt adequate. I still felt inferior.

While at the bank, I found myself wanting to be part of the “in” crowd. The crowd that helped management make decisions. I never felt like I had arrived there either. As the years went by I noticed I did not respect some of those people that I thought were popular. They were often mean, vindictive people. The more I thought about it I did not want to be the type that would “do” anything to move ahead. Actually, the more I walked with Jesus; I learned that my goal was to seek another person’s highest good. When I was seeking someone’s best, I often felt better about myself and wasn’t as worried about being liked.

I found that this new thinking worked at home too. I found myself trying to seek my husband’s highest good. I don’t seek Junior’s highest good to make myself look better; I seek it to let him be who God is creating him to be. Again, I found myself liking “me” a whole lot more. One of my co-workers commented one time when I had taken the attention away from her that, “it was not about me.” You see, I like making a whole lot of life all about me. It is probably because I am the oldest and I had lots of attention as the oldest.

I was an at home mother for many years. Later, I went to work and moved up a bit. I handled lots of money. I have found that many people in my life are under impressed with what I have accomplished. I am finding that I don’t care anymore what others think about me. I love Jesus and He loves me. Junior loves me for who I am. In that, I find myself letting go of the need to be popular.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to sine upon you.

Love
Janet