Greetings My Friend,
After Sunday evening Bible study I was hungry, another friend was hungry so we headed to McDonald's to share some food and to chat. The usual crowd did not go because the Choir is practicing for the Christmas Cantata which means many members of the Bible study go to choir practice instead of heading home or to McDonald's. Junior and I knew this lady although we have never had the opportunity to chat with her much more than greeting her when we saw her. She is divorced as Junior and I are and she also shared her story of abuse. I find it strangely wonderful that I have had 2 people to share my story with in 2 weeks. When I got up on Monday morning I was contemplating how God continues to bring healing into my life when the thought came to me that at this point in my healing I don't have the need to talk about everything for long extended periods of time. This is rather new in my faith walk, the need to not share the painful details of hurt over and over. Once I started taking anti anxiety/depression medications Junior started telling telling me that I needed to let go of the "talking" about my hurts, mainly from the past. He taught me to take that hurt to God and to let it go. This has been a difficult process for me because I love to talk, I did not realize though that much of my talk is about how people hurt me, my feelings. The more healing I have had the less I needed to tell others or to talk about it on and on. God has been teaching me to tell Him, to feel His love for me then to get up and enter back into life. The more I do this the better I feel emotionally. I am finding this even with my disease Parkinson's as well. I acknowledge that I have it, I share from time to time things I learn and experience with PD but my need to live it, talk it day in and day out is not as intense as life's major upsets have been for me. I have found a couple of people who have some knowledge of PD who let me explore with my questions so I am able to live my life as fully as I am able. I also have a couple of help sites I refer to so I can be as pro active as I am able to be. This disease is with me 24/7 so I need to think about how to cope quite a bit but I don't have the need to talk constantly about it. I am also learning to take the time I need to stop and rest and not feel guilty if I can not be counted on to do things I once was able to do. Over the Thanksgiving Holiday I over did the visiting and running, when Sunday morning came I got sick and I needed to stop and sleep most of the day. I allowed my body the time to rest and I was able to go to Sunday night Bible study at church. Come Monday after Thanksgiving we had to make a run to Johnson City, I have learned to take my nap in the truck on the trip or in the parking lot so that I am able to function. On Tuesday I will stay home which will be a day for me to catch up on my rest, to move slowly but allow myself enough activity so I don't become stiff. God is giving me the confidence to do what I need to do so that I am able to be effective for His calling for my life. It is hard when I have to sleep major portions of my day but if I listen to what God is telling me to do, I am able to do much more than when I was trying to rest for 10 minuets at a time before getting up and going again. Today I take a daily nap anywhere from an hour to 2 hours and on occasion even more. By allowing for a nap though I have been doing even more work than when I only rested and nodded off throughout the day. God has also encouraged me to use a walking stick, then a walker to get around with, by using these devices I find I am able to walk for longer periods of time, my shoulders are not pulled up near my ears as much and my spine has straightened out making me walk more upright which means I am having less back pain. I still get a lower back ache though when I walk around the house too much without my walker. All of this is possible because God has taught me what I need to do so that I can do the work He calls me to do. He does not take the disease of PD away, He has brought healing to my past life and I am grateful He walked with me through the trials instead of making it all go away. He is my testimony in all areas of my life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, November 30, 2017
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
November 28, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
Recently I sat enjoying the sounds and sights of morning in our home. As I heated water to make tea I looked out the kitchen window to see the night sky turning into daylight which was a quiet beauty to behold. Next when I had started writing in my journal, I listened to Junior doing things around the house and was comforted with his quiet presence in our home. When Junior wakes up he greets each fur child, feeds the cats and the dogs before he begins his day. Daisy gets some of the cat food as a treat and she lets Junior know if he does not come in to the TV room soon enough. These morning moments are how most mornings in our home start our day and I love it. Gone are the days of getting out of the house as fast as I can. These days, I relish the chance to wake up slowly, peacefully. I find myself thanking God for these precious moments then I start my own routine of taking medications, making a protein shake and finally Bible study writing my thoughts and findings in a journal. I remember dreaming of the day when I worked when I would be able to wake up slowly, do my morning time in the Word of God, now it is my every morning. After my quiet time, I check out Facebook, Twitter the emails and check the stats on my blog and Letters From Janet, Facebook page. If time permits then I write before I enter into the day fully. By the time I get up and moving I have engaged my brain, made a mental plan of the things I want to get done and my body is then ready to being moving about. Once more I know in my heart that God has given me a brand new life through His precious Son. I see all the 2nd and 3rd chances I have been given in my life and marvel. I am thankful for my walk with Jesus these days and as I encounter the struggles of life, I now turn to Jesus to help me face my day. In the past I attempted to deal with each day, each struggle on my own and I was never fully satisfied. Today I find myself thankful for the littlest of things and discover that living a simple life is what I have yearned for all of my life. The new van I had to have got old, the pretty house cost me too much in emotional drainage so today I relish the sounds of our household. I am thankful for the faith walk I entered into as I left my long term first marriage. It is finding Jesus and opening my heart to Him that I have begun to truly enjoy these quiet times in my life. I had not baked a loaf of bread in some time. We found that we did not eat bread that often, so the other day I made a loaf with the idea of cutting it up and freezing the packaged individual sliced bread. That felt good since we enjoy sandwiches from time to time. This way we thaw out what we will eat when we do want the bread. With fall and cooler weather I am back to my soup making each week. This soup is our lunch for the next several days. In the evening for dinner I make mostly meat and potatoes for dinner. Through the years I have discovered that I need the protein at the start of the day and at the end of the day. I tried for a time making the heavier meal at lunch time with the lighter meal at dinner now however I have switched this around and I am able to wake up better, more rested. Junior is getting used to me being the cook in our marriage. He used to be the main cook for his family in his previous life. Today he works on renovating and I work at keeping the house in order and cooking. It has taken me a long time to get back to keeping house and making meals. Mom cooked for us when I moved in with her, then Junior often had dinner ready for me when I got home due to my late shift but now I am the cook, house keeper I have longed to be. Again I see God has given me my hearts desire, of taking care of our home and cooking our meals. When Junior went up to Michigan this past summer, I found I was ready to help keep the dishes washed. Prior to the trip, Junior did the dishes for me. I am sensitive to soaps, perfumes in the soaps so I have not done them. With the trip though I found I finally was ready to tackle this job as well. I have finally gotten used to wearing gloves and have had the energy to keep up washing the dishes along with doing housework. God has been helping me regain my energy levels and I am grateful for all He has given back to me. I am not the energetic woman that I was in my 40's but I am able to do much to keep our home in order and I am grateful for each day's work. I am grateful for a 2nd chance at marriage and I love being a mom to fur children. Life is good when I am able to see all that I truly have been given. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Recently I sat enjoying the sounds and sights of morning in our home. As I heated water to make tea I looked out the kitchen window to see the night sky turning into daylight which was a quiet beauty to behold. Next when I had started writing in my journal, I listened to Junior doing things around the house and was comforted with his quiet presence in our home. When Junior wakes up he greets each fur child, feeds the cats and the dogs before he begins his day. Daisy gets some of the cat food as a treat and she lets Junior know if he does not come in to the TV room soon enough. These morning moments are how most mornings in our home start our day and I love it. Gone are the days of getting out of the house as fast as I can. These days, I relish the chance to wake up slowly, peacefully. I find myself thanking God for these precious moments then I start my own routine of taking medications, making a protein shake and finally Bible study writing my thoughts and findings in a journal. I remember dreaming of the day when I worked when I would be able to wake up slowly, do my morning time in the Word of God, now it is my every morning. After my quiet time, I check out Facebook, Twitter the emails and check the stats on my blog and Letters From Janet, Facebook page. If time permits then I write before I enter into the day fully. By the time I get up and moving I have engaged my brain, made a mental plan of the things I want to get done and my body is then ready to being moving about. Once more I know in my heart that God has given me a brand new life through His precious Son. I see all the 2nd and 3rd chances I have been given in my life and marvel. I am thankful for my walk with Jesus these days and as I encounter the struggles of life, I now turn to Jesus to help me face my day. In the past I attempted to deal with each day, each struggle on my own and I was never fully satisfied. Today I find myself thankful for the littlest of things and discover that living a simple life is what I have yearned for all of my life. The new van I had to have got old, the pretty house cost me too much in emotional drainage so today I relish the sounds of our household. I am thankful for the faith walk I entered into as I left my long term first marriage. It is finding Jesus and opening my heart to Him that I have begun to truly enjoy these quiet times in my life. I had not baked a loaf of bread in some time. We found that we did not eat bread that often, so the other day I made a loaf with the idea of cutting it up and freezing the packaged individual sliced bread. That felt good since we enjoy sandwiches from time to time. This way we thaw out what we will eat when we do want the bread. With fall and cooler weather I am back to my soup making each week. This soup is our lunch for the next several days. In the evening for dinner I make mostly meat and potatoes for dinner. Through the years I have discovered that I need the protein at the start of the day and at the end of the day. I tried for a time making the heavier meal at lunch time with the lighter meal at dinner now however I have switched this around and I am able to wake up better, more rested. Junior is getting used to me being the cook in our marriage. He used to be the main cook for his family in his previous life. Today he works on renovating and I work at keeping the house in order and cooking. It has taken me a long time to get back to keeping house and making meals. Mom cooked for us when I moved in with her, then Junior often had dinner ready for me when I got home due to my late shift but now I am the cook, house keeper I have longed to be. Again I see God has given me my hearts desire, of taking care of our home and cooking our meals. When Junior went up to Michigan this past summer, I found I was ready to help keep the dishes washed. Prior to the trip, Junior did the dishes for me. I am sensitive to soaps, perfumes in the soaps so I have not done them. With the trip though I found I finally was ready to tackle this job as well. I have finally gotten used to wearing gloves and have had the energy to keep up washing the dishes along with doing housework. God has been helping me regain my energy levels and I am grateful for all He has given back to me. I am not the energetic woman that I was in my 40's but I am able to do much to keep our home in order and I am grateful for each day's work. I am grateful for a 2nd chance at marriage and I love being a mom to fur children. Life is good when I am able to see all that I truly have been given. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, November 25, 2017
November 25, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
Debbie and Boogie have become our family down here in Virginia and Clintwood Baptist Church is our church family, truly wrapping their love around us and in this love we are softening the hard parts of our personalities. As I write it is Wednesday the day before Thanksgiving, our plan is to celebrate with Debbie and Boogie and I already feel the warmth of their home surrounding me. Watching them work in the kitchen as they finish preparing the meal is amazing. These two women move about one doing this and the other doing that and then dinner is finished for us to partake of. Sometimes after we eat we go into the front room, to talk and visit, the TV is usually on QVC as background noise to our conversations. Once in awhile we will stop to watch something that is of interest to us then we proceed with our conversation. I don't know how these two women have warmed our hearts so, but it feels extra special to us. We went to the Thanksgiving service for the community Tuesday night, afterwards there was some finger food for us to eat and allow us time to talk with each other. The church family has helped Junior feel like he belongs, this is the one church that has truly accepted his rough speaking ways and softened them a whole lot. Our church family has come beside me, believed my stories of the abuse I endured, was patient as I finished growing out of abuse, accepted my over active ways, and then my over silly ways until today I believe I am fairly even in my personality. They have shown Junior and I that we have value and are interested in who we are and what we are able to give to the church. Boogie and Debbie are the same way with us, accepting our warts and wrapping their hearts around us. Brenda has said that she would like to come over later in the day, I am guessing she may even spend the night with us, she has not done much of this for a few years now. Lately, I see Brenda making some changes in her life, two bouts of cancer does that to a person. She is deepening her faith walk with Jesus more, learning to clean up after herself instead of trying to con someone to help her clean her home. She has come a long way and I am proud of her. Friday we will go buy my sister's place so we can see her daughter and their family. This holiday is shaping up to the most active holiday we have had in awhile and it feels good. The people we gather with people who are interested in us, wants our company and are not fulfilling an obligation. God is behind all of these changes, softening the rough parts of our personalities, opening the hearts of people to help us grow and enjoy us being in their lives. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Debbie and Boogie have become our family down here in Virginia and Clintwood Baptist Church is our church family, truly wrapping their love around us and in this love we are softening the hard parts of our personalities. As I write it is Wednesday the day before Thanksgiving, our plan is to celebrate with Debbie and Boogie and I already feel the warmth of their home surrounding me. Watching them work in the kitchen as they finish preparing the meal is amazing. These two women move about one doing this and the other doing that and then dinner is finished for us to partake of. Sometimes after we eat we go into the front room, to talk and visit, the TV is usually on QVC as background noise to our conversations. Once in awhile we will stop to watch something that is of interest to us then we proceed with our conversation. I don't know how these two women have warmed our hearts so, but it feels extra special to us. We went to the Thanksgiving service for the community Tuesday night, afterwards there was some finger food for us to eat and allow us time to talk with each other. The church family has helped Junior feel like he belongs, this is the one church that has truly accepted his rough speaking ways and softened them a whole lot. Our church family has come beside me, believed my stories of the abuse I endured, was patient as I finished growing out of abuse, accepted my over active ways, and then my over silly ways until today I believe I am fairly even in my personality. They have shown Junior and I that we have value and are interested in who we are and what we are able to give to the church. Boogie and Debbie are the same way with us, accepting our warts and wrapping their hearts around us. Brenda has said that she would like to come over later in the day, I am guessing she may even spend the night with us, she has not done much of this for a few years now. Lately, I see Brenda making some changes in her life, two bouts of cancer does that to a person. She is deepening her faith walk with Jesus more, learning to clean up after herself instead of trying to con someone to help her clean her home. She has come a long way and I am proud of her. Friday we will go buy my sister's place so we can see her daughter and their family. This holiday is shaping up to the most active holiday we have had in awhile and it feels good. The people we gather with people who are interested in us, wants our company and are not fulfilling an obligation. God is behind all of these changes, softening the rough parts of our personalities, opening the hearts of people to help us grow and enjoy us being in their lives. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, November 23, 2017
November 23, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
For a week or so now God has been working with me about my past of abuse. He has opened a door for me to say out loud without being told that "I am in a better place now, put that behind you or why do you hang onto those memories so long?" First God showed me some of the abuse I dealt with, I saw the scenes flash through my mind and I was amazed, I felt like I saw but I did not feel the old pain. Another time God showed me the Lord Jesus on the cross, battered and crying huge tears rolling down His cheeks, His mouth wide open in a scream of pain with blood flowing everywhere. That scene startled me and left me wondering. Later God showed me those were the tears He has for me and all that I endured. The whole scene became complete at Church Sunday night before we went into the Sanctuary for Bible study. A group of us were talking and as the group started to walk away I mentioned to Jenny, Pastor Joe's wife that I believe I have 2 things going on in my body, I feel I have Traumatic Brain Injury and Parkinson's Disease. Jenny said "I hate that you had to endure that" and the flood gates of memories opened up and I began talking. We worked our way to the stairs, I sat on the stairs and she sat in my walker. I told some of the awful things that went on in my home as a child and as a married woman. Jenny did not stop me from talking, she had a compassion that I have longed for and she shared about people in her life that have been abused and how hard it is on them. She knew, she understood and she let me talk. I felt acknowledged for the very first time in my life. Today I realize if someone would have allowed me to state the ugly facts in a loving environment I would not spent half of my life trying to tell my story, being depressed, being overly silly and playing the dumb blonde roll. I wanted someone to tell me that what was done to me was wrong and not right or point out how hard I am to deal with. I have had counselors tell me what I endured was not that bad when I began to scratch the surface of what happened to me. I never wanted pity, I still don't what I needed was the acknowledgement that the pain was real which would have helped me heal so much faster and the need to talk as much as I did. God is the one who brought healing to my soul, gave me the love and the woman who did not shy away from my pain. Our church family has indicated they believe me and have asked me often if I thought my PD is due to my abuse. God has opened this church family to wrap their love around Junior and I and I feel that as we feel the love we will continue to heal and even be able to have a purpose to help others who have or are dealing with the pain we have known too intimately. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
For a week or so now God has been working with me about my past of abuse. He has opened a door for me to say out loud without being told that "I am in a better place now, put that behind you or why do you hang onto those memories so long?" First God showed me some of the abuse I dealt with, I saw the scenes flash through my mind and I was amazed, I felt like I saw but I did not feel the old pain. Another time God showed me the Lord Jesus on the cross, battered and crying huge tears rolling down His cheeks, His mouth wide open in a scream of pain with blood flowing everywhere. That scene startled me and left me wondering. Later God showed me those were the tears He has for me and all that I endured. The whole scene became complete at Church Sunday night before we went into the Sanctuary for Bible study. A group of us were talking and as the group started to walk away I mentioned to Jenny, Pastor Joe's wife that I believe I have 2 things going on in my body, I feel I have Traumatic Brain Injury and Parkinson's Disease. Jenny said "I hate that you had to endure that" and the flood gates of memories opened up and I began talking. We worked our way to the stairs, I sat on the stairs and she sat in my walker. I told some of the awful things that went on in my home as a child and as a married woman. Jenny did not stop me from talking, she had a compassion that I have longed for and she shared about people in her life that have been abused and how hard it is on them. She knew, she understood and she let me talk. I felt acknowledged for the very first time in my life. Today I realize if someone would have allowed me to state the ugly facts in a loving environment I would not spent half of my life trying to tell my story, being depressed, being overly silly and playing the dumb blonde roll. I wanted someone to tell me that what was done to me was wrong and not right or point out how hard I am to deal with. I have had counselors tell me what I endured was not that bad when I began to scratch the surface of what happened to me. I never wanted pity, I still don't what I needed was the acknowledgement that the pain was real which would have helped me heal so much faster and the need to talk as much as I did. God is the one who brought healing to my soul, gave me the love and the woman who did not shy away from my pain. Our church family has indicated they believe me and have asked me often if I thought my PD is due to my abuse. God has opened this church family to wrap their love around Junior and I and I feel that as we feel the love we will continue to heal and even be able to have a purpose to help others who have or are dealing with the pain we have known too intimately. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
November 21, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
It has taken me a very long time to get to today, God knew when He put me with Junior that I would be safe and have the time to grow out of the abuse dysfunction I had lived in for a long time. Generally it is not advisable to meet then marry within 15 months of divorce. I was preparing my heart that it may take many years for me to be healthy enough to be in a relationship when I met Junior six months after my divorce. I was in his group at Divorce Recovery where he was the facilitator, after Divorce Recovery ended Junior took a group of us newly single's to a dance for singles then he danced with each of us. Our relationship grew and we married 5 months later, 15 months after my divorce. My ex wanted the divorce then began playing the nice guy bringing over things like my bike that had been broken for years fixed up and cleaned up. He met me at the church door each time I walked in and after my marriage he kept inserting himself into my life as we gathered for our grandchildren's events and such, even my mothers funeral service, he stood upfront greeting people. All of this is what Junior inherited when he married me, a broken, scared woman. He joined me in my counseling sessions so he could help me work through what I needed to work through, we took remarried classes, relationship classes and went to marriage seminars all which helped us grow close as a couple. Recently we were finishing a Sunday School Bible study lesson when we began to have a conversation about how we have grown as a couple. Junior opened up about how difficult it was for him to deal with me, my feelings were easily hurt and I had times where I was rough with him. He perceived that I wanted him to work on something else so he would change what he was working on. I learned that he worked way slower than I had thought he needed because I am hyperactive, my family was hyperactive and I did not know how much slower disabled people needed to work. Once we moved to Virginia I was able to begin to process all that I had been through, we both marveled at how the renovating has helped us individually and as a couple. Medication for depression and anxiety has quieted my fears, disability has slowed my body down and L-Tyrosine has helped slow my brain down to where I now am able to allow Junior to work the way he needs to work, to hear him when he talks to me and so much more. I see God working all of this out for my good for our good as a couple. Junior had to learn I am not faking my illnesses as his first wife did, that I am able to tolerate pain and how damaged I truly was. We have discovered that most people do not recognize the first signs of a chronic illness, mental traumas and even how to deal with PTSD. Junior often felt no one understood his struggle with disability and PTSD, the anger flare ups he can have. Now that we know I have Parkinson's Junior realizes that I was not lazy and the extent of the trauma I dealt with in my abuse both as a child and as an adult. God set us up as a couple, provided tools for us to strengthen our marriage and then had us move to Virginia so we could learn more lessons as he renovated our home. He mentioned how hard it was to stay with me but he felt compelled to stay, today he is happy with our marriage. I am in love with Junior even more in love than when we married, I have learned not all men need to hurt women, God truly loves me and is not out to harm me. We have worn off the rough edges within ourselves and in our marriage and are content because God knew what He was doing. I have grown to trust God, to see the gift of the cross and Junior had fallen away from daily prayer into popcorn prayers only to find out there needs to be time alone with God. Since his return to prayer and private time in the Word we are growing once more. We realize that we have weathered much and come out for the better. As we begin to enter into our 20th year of marriage, we are stronger, more connected and very dependent on God and each other. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
It has taken me a very long time to get to today, God knew when He put me with Junior that I would be safe and have the time to grow out of the abuse dysfunction I had lived in for a long time. Generally it is not advisable to meet then marry within 15 months of divorce. I was preparing my heart that it may take many years for me to be healthy enough to be in a relationship when I met Junior six months after my divorce. I was in his group at Divorce Recovery where he was the facilitator, after Divorce Recovery ended Junior took a group of us newly single's to a dance for singles then he danced with each of us. Our relationship grew and we married 5 months later, 15 months after my divorce. My ex wanted the divorce then began playing the nice guy bringing over things like my bike that had been broken for years fixed up and cleaned up. He met me at the church door each time I walked in and after my marriage he kept inserting himself into my life as we gathered for our grandchildren's events and such, even my mothers funeral service, he stood upfront greeting people. All of this is what Junior inherited when he married me, a broken, scared woman. He joined me in my counseling sessions so he could help me work through what I needed to work through, we took remarried classes, relationship classes and went to marriage seminars all which helped us grow close as a couple. Recently we were finishing a Sunday School Bible study lesson when we began to have a conversation about how we have grown as a couple. Junior opened up about how difficult it was for him to deal with me, my feelings were easily hurt and I had times where I was rough with him. He perceived that I wanted him to work on something else so he would change what he was working on. I learned that he worked way slower than I had thought he needed because I am hyperactive, my family was hyperactive and I did not know how much slower disabled people needed to work. Once we moved to Virginia I was able to begin to process all that I had been through, we both marveled at how the renovating has helped us individually and as a couple. Medication for depression and anxiety has quieted my fears, disability has slowed my body down and L-Tyrosine has helped slow my brain down to where I now am able to allow Junior to work the way he needs to work, to hear him when he talks to me and so much more. I see God working all of this out for my good for our good as a couple. Junior had to learn I am not faking my illnesses as his first wife did, that I am able to tolerate pain and how damaged I truly was. We have discovered that most people do not recognize the first signs of a chronic illness, mental traumas and even how to deal with PTSD. Junior often felt no one understood his struggle with disability and PTSD, the anger flare ups he can have. Now that we know I have Parkinson's Junior realizes that I was not lazy and the extent of the trauma I dealt with in my abuse both as a child and as an adult. God set us up as a couple, provided tools for us to strengthen our marriage and then had us move to Virginia so we could learn more lessons as he renovated our home. He mentioned how hard it was to stay with me but he felt compelled to stay, today he is happy with our marriage. I am in love with Junior even more in love than when we married, I have learned not all men need to hurt women, God truly loves me and is not out to harm me. We have worn off the rough edges within ourselves and in our marriage and are content because God knew what He was doing. I have grown to trust God, to see the gift of the cross and Junior had fallen away from daily prayer into popcorn prayers only to find out there needs to be time alone with God. Since his return to prayer and private time in the Word we are growing once more. We realize that we have weathered much and come out for the better. As we begin to enter into our 20th year of marriage, we are stronger, more connected and very dependent on God and each other. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, November 18, 2017
November 18, 2017
Greetings my Friend,
Junior and I are not rich, we are not poor either although people seem to think we may be poor. Neither one of us have a need to wear the most stylish of clothing and we are as at home in a thrift store as we are in a department store so we buy what we choose. We rarely will pay full price for clothes at a department store always seeking the discount rack first. Our SS and Junior's retirement pension from the VA allows us to be comfortable. With the sale of our house in Michigan our finances are once more manageable and life is good for us. We are grateful we can support our little fur family making sure they are spayed and neutered and getting their check ups as they need which makes us happy that we can provide for them. I am grateful that God has given us a comfortable retirement and I find when people point out who is rich in our community we are under impressed in general. The last thing I want to do is to beholden to someone with a lot of money. Through the years we have been able to interact with people who are from a lot of money, me with my job in Commercial Loans, I often talked to CEO's and CFO's from companies like Ford Motor Company and such. We have had friends that were doctor's and investment bankers so we have been comfortable around people who have had money. We tithed a tenth of our income for many many years of late God has told us to donate our money elsewhere because we have been too comfortable saying we were tither's thinking that as tither's we would be accepted into the church. God has been showing us that it is not our tithe that prompts Him to meet our needs and I am grateful. For me I often tithed my time as well for the church because I wanted to be known as a dependable worker in the church. I am saddened that I don't have the energy to do much of the work in the church anymore although God is showing me that He has a lot of work for me to do behind the scenes. I am learning to love not being the center of the goings on in church but to come worship, fellowship and be loved for who I am. Last Sunday was Junior's birthday, his name was on the birthday list in the monthly newsletter along with other November birthday's. Many people spoke to Junior one on one to wish him a happy birthday. It was also Veterans Day weekend so the people who served in the military were asked to stand, as usual Junior refused to stand due to the way he was treated when he returned from Vietnam. People know this at church and each year want him to stand, mention it to me, to him and Junior refuses to stand. This year we were recalling the nice day Sunday was for him, he felt extra special with the one on one acknowledgement of his birthday. Junior also mentioned that next year he might stand because he feels very respected for being in the service. He relates a whole lot to Pastor Joe because they both lived a crazy childhood and respond to life in much the same way. For the first time since he was a young child and a Catholic Priest took Junior under his wing, Junior has made friends with a minister. For me Pastor Joe and Jenny feel familiarly comfortable, my parents were close friends with the Minister at the church I grew up in. There is no need to put on pretense on either of our parts, we are who we are. We are fitting into a church family in a deeper way than we have in either of our lives. I am acknowledged as Junior's wife but also I am known in my own right as well which feels extremely nice. We are also seen as a couple who love each other and are a good fit for each other, I love that too. I feel like I have met the new church found in ACT's in the Bible, we are loved, wanted and accepted for what we can do and give and are not judged strange or unacceptable. It is a good feeling. I am grateful for God having us tithe elsewhere for several years now so we could learn it is not about what we have, we give or do but because we love Jesus, that is enough to be part of the family of God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Junior and I are not rich, we are not poor either although people seem to think we may be poor. Neither one of us have a need to wear the most stylish of clothing and we are as at home in a thrift store as we are in a department store so we buy what we choose. We rarely will pay full price for clothes at a department store always seeking the discount rack first. Our SS and Junior's retirement pension from the VA allows us to be comfortable. With the sale of our house in Michigan our finances are once more manageable and life is good for us. We are grateful we can support our little fur family making sure they are spayed and neutered and getting their check ups as they need which makes us happy that we can provide for them. I am grateful that God has given us a comfortable retirement and I find when people point out who is rich in our community we are under impressed in general. The last thing I want to do is to beholden to someone with a lot of money. Through the years we have been able to interact with people who are from a lot of money, me with my job in Commercial Loans, I often talked to CEO's and CFO's from companies like Ford Motor Company and such. We have had friends that were doctor's and investment bankers so we have been comfortable around people who have had money. We tithed a tenth of our income for many many years of late God has told us to donate our money elsewhere because we have been too comfortable saying we were tither's thinking that as tither's we would be accepted into the church. God has been showing us that it is not our tithe that prompts Him to meet our needs and I am grateful. For me I often tithed my time as well for the church because I wanted to be known as a dependable worker in the church. I am saddened that I don't have the energy to do much of the work in the church anymore although God is showing me that He has a lot of work for me to do behind the scenes. I am learning to love not being the center of the goings on in church but to come worship, fellowship and be loved for who I am. Last Sunday was Junior's birthday, his name was on the birthday list in the monthly newsletter along with other November birthday's. Many people spoke to Junior one on one to wish him a happy birthday. It was also Veterans Day weekend so the people who served in the military were asked to stand, as usual Junior refused to stand due to the way he was treated when he returned from Vietnam. People know this at church and each year want him to stand, mention it to me, to him and Junior refuses to stand. This year we were recalling the nice day Sunday was for him, he felt extra special with the one on one acknowledgement of his birthday. Junior also mentioned that next year he might stand because he feels very respected for being in the service. He relates a whole lot to Pastor Joe because they both lived a crazy childhood and respond to life in much the same way. For the first time since he was a young child and a Catholic Priest took Junior under his wing, Junior has made friends with a minister. For me Pastor Joe and Jenny feel familiarly comfortable, my parents were close friends with the Minister at the church I grew up in. There is no need to put on pretense on either of our parts, we are who we are. We are fitting into a church family in a deeper way than we have in either of our lives. I am acknowledged as Junior's wife but also I am known in my own right as well which feels extremely nice. We are also seen as a couple who love each other and are a good fit for each other, I love that too. I feel like I have met the new church found in ACT's in the Bible, we are loved, wanted and accepted for what we can do and give and are not judged strange or unacceptable. It is a good feeling. I am grateful for God having us tithe elsewhere for several years now so we could learn it is not about what we have, we give or do but because we love Jesus, that is enough to be part of the family of God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, November 16, 2017
November 16, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
Lately I see and hear that the entire Word of God needs to be preached not just the soft loving things in the Bible like God loves us, is slow to anger and abounding in love or Jesus loves us and we don't recall that He got angry in the Temple wiping the tables clear of the things on them, using a whip or how many times did He call the religious leaders a "Brood of Vipers", or tell the disciple's "How long must I be with you?" or "Do you still not understand!" People seem to think being a follower of Jesus is all nicey nice with no strong statements, that we have no opinion other than what the prevailing thought is. Most Christians have not read their Bible's have never even read it cover to cover and prefer to learn from a devotional guide, their Pastor's then believe whatever is taught. The sad reality is God says a whole lot to us about not listening, following His ways and following other gods, that our forefathers never even heard of. If we think we don't have any gods before the one true God, we have a problem. Some people's god is their drug of choice, sex, money, their children (that was my god before I met Jesus) and so on. Right now we are so entrenched in being PC that we can't see our noses in front of our faces, we can't see that every culture since the beginning of time has at one time or another has been enslaved, including having indentured servants in America long before the black slaves were brought over. Many blacks were indentured servants later gained their freedom and then went on to have black slaves and were as cruel to them as any other slave owners. The Civil War was over 150 years ago, not one person alive today has had slaves been a slave. Rights have been hard won but today, all people have the same rights to own property, to live where they want to live, to go to college and on and on. We are to as believers of Jesus to forgive the sins of others as our sins were forgiven by Jesus and that our sin was as grievous as the other persons sins are. My new favorite thought is "Just because someone sins differently than you does not make you better than them." If you look at the cross, into Jesus's face up on the cross you start to learn that the white lie is as awful as murder is, adultery, homosexuality and on and on. I have spent a good many years looking at the cross, from Jesus praying asking God "to take this cup of sorrow away from Him" to the beaten and swollen face, the crown of thorns on His head to the nails in His hands and feet. I want to cry thinking how awful my sins are. Lately though I am starting to see the biggest pain that Jesus had on the cross was not all the physical abuse His body endured, it was hard for me to move past all of that. The most painful part of the cross was when Jesus cried "My God, my God why have You forsaken me!" For a moment in the long relationship of eternity Jesus did not have the presence of God with Him and that made Him cry out those painful words. This teaches me that no matter what man does to man like enslaving them the most awful pain for all of us is when God is no longer in our lives on this side of eternity or on the other. Eternity is forever and the worse pain we will ever know is if we do not believe the first line of the Bible to the last line of the Bible. I am offensive because I would not wish hell on anyone in my life even my most hated enemy. So if I go to gatherings where I am thought to be a bit daft, that is okay, I know that I will be talked about, texted about, behind my back, in front of my face. In the meantime I will pray for all the souls I can to meet Jesus fully. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Lately I see and hear that the entire Word of God needs to be preached not just the soft loving things in the Bible like God loves us, is slow to anger and abounding in love or Jesus loves us and we don't recall that He got angry in the Temple wiping the tables clear of the things on them, using a whip or how many times did He call the religious leaders a "Brood of Vipers", or tell the disciple's "How long must I be with you?" or "Do you still not understand!" People seem to think being a follower of Jesus is all nicey nice with no strong statements, that we have no opinion other than what the prevailing thought is. Most Christians have not read their Bible's have never even read it cover to cover and prefer to learn from a devotional guide, their Pastor's then believe whatever is taught. The sad reality is God says a whole lot to us about not listening, following His ways and following other gods, that our forefathers never even heard of. If we think we don't have any gods before the one true God, we have a problem. Some people's god is their drug of choice, sex, money, their children (that was my god before I met Jesus) and so on. Right now we are so entrenched in being PC that we can't see our noses in front of our faces, we can't see that every culture since the beginning of time has at one time or another has been enslaved, including having indentured servants in America long before the black slaves were brought over. Many blacks were indentured servants later gained their freedom and then went on to have black slaves and were as cruel to them as any other slave owners. The Civil War was over 150 years ago, not one person alive today has had slaves been a slave. Rights have been hard won but today, all people have the same rights to own property, to live where they want to live, to go to college and on and on. We are to as believers of Jesus to forgive the sins of others as our sins were forgiven by Jesus and that our sin was as grievous as the other persons sins are. My new favorite thought is "Just because someone sins differently than you does not make you better than them." If you look at the cross, into Jesus's face up on the cross you start to learn that the white lie is as awful as murder is, adultery, homosexuality and on and on. I have spent a good many years looking at the cross, from Jesus praying asking God "to take this cup of sorrow away from Him" to the beaten and swollen face, the crown of thorns on His head to the nails in His hands and feet. I want to cry thinking how awful my sins are. Lately though I am starting to see the biggest pain that Jesus had on the cross was not all the physical abuse His body endured, it was hard for me to move past all of that. The most painful part of the cross was when Jesus cried "My God, my God why have You forsaken me!" For a moment in the long relationship of eternity Jesus did not have the presence of God with Him and that made Him cry out those painful words. This teaches me that no matter what man does to man like enslaving them the most awful pain for all of us is when God is no longer in our lives on this side of eternity or on the other. Eternity is forever and the worse pain we will ever know is if we do not believe the first line of the Bible to the last line of the Bible. I am offensive because I would not wish hell on anyone in my life even my most hated enemy. So if I go to gatherings where I am thought to be a bit daft, that is okay, I know that I will be talked about, texted about, behind my back, in front of my face. In the meantime I will pray for all the souls I can to meet Jesus fully. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
November 14, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
My thoughts turn towards athletes how sometimes when they win an important game many of them will say they have a lucky piece of clothing, begin to wear it to every game. Other times it gets stuck in our head that "this is the way I/we have always done it" so we stick with doing that thing in the exact same way, even when it no longer is useful just as the lucky piece of clothing sees a loss but we insist that we need to keep it. These thoughts have been running through my mind a whole lot lately as I speak to people who have an older parent, spouse they are caring for. It may be time to let go of the independence of walking, start using an aid to help them walk. As I pondered on this thought I recall God taking me out of my comfort levels in recent years and placing me in very different circumstances, like moving 2 times in 2 years. We moved from Michigan to Virginia, I had lived in Michigan 50 years before I made a huge change to a completely different way of life. Here in rural Virginia it is slower paced, more accepting of those who are different than the norm and openly God fearing. In Michigan I had gotten used to being PC, fearing I would loose my job if I spoke Jesus' name, told others how He has saved me. I had to let go of my past in Virginia, past hurts, ways of doing what I have always done, friends, family everything I knew. When I got baptized in the Russel Fork river I felt God tell me that I was crossing my Red Sea, He took me into a time of being in the wilderness as I learned new customs, ways of doing housework, expectations that things will be done in a certain way and also leave the past in the past back in Michigan. The first big hurdle was to learn that I was free from abuse and he could no longer reach out to me in any way, show up in my life etc. I learned that as much as we want to be compassionate, it is difficult for us to do so at times, like I knew of Junior's disabilities, I felt I allotted him time to work at his pace. I did not because I felt by adding a few hours to what it took me to do things when I was able bodied I had given him what he needed. As I dealt with chronic fatigue, Junior thought I was lazy, we both lived with an idea that we knew and understood, we did not. We had to learn to "listen" not only to words but to our own belief's of what we thought was right. Being disabled now I understand more fully the silliness of allotting a certain amount of time for Junior to do things. I did not factor in pain that wears him out, he also did not grasp when I kept telling him I felt like an elephant was sitting on top of me all the time which made it very hard to get motivated. In this process God started teaching us to listen with our hearts. For me I was extremely upset when the entire house was not getting done like yesterday, that is how my ex had worked. One time in desperation I prayed "teach me to open my eyes to Junior's heart and to see what You see Lord." That was an eye opening moment for me, Junior's heart is awesome and the need to have my home done looking HG TV pretty was leaving me. For me taking medication to help me leave my fears in the past began to open the doors of peace. As my PCP helped me work on my many health problems I started to gain energy, the ability to start from scratch cleaning my home again then cook good meals for us. When my gait problems got worse I learned to use a walking stick, a walker even a wheelchair for a period. Once a diagnosis was found for my walking issues, some of my brain fog, I began to find ways to exercise effectively allowing me get out of the wheelchair and walk with the aid of a walker. It was hard getting back out of the wheelchair, once there I almost felt like I had to stay there, my doctor gave me my Parkinson's medication and said I should see a major change in a month, I did I could walk without getting exhausted with a walker. I kept working on exercising within my limitations and not burning up energy trying to do what I could no longer do and my strength has gotten a whole lot better. I still need my naps, I still get anxious sometimes about nothing but overall I am emotionally, spiritually and physically healthier than I have been in years. God had to tear me out of my first marriage, make me go to Divorce Recovery to get me on my journey of wholeness. Twenty years later, each painful lesson has taken me from an emptiness so dark and deep to a fullness that overflows. What started me on this journey of thinking about changing is a conversation with a friend and how her mother refuses to use an aid to walk. She is fearful of loosing her independence, in my own journey of life I have found that sometimes using an aid gives me much more life. My first and foremost aid is Jesus because without Him, I would not have left abuse, learned how to do old things in a new way and discover that I am capable of way more than I thought I was able to do. This journey has taught me that seeing each others journey of pain and brokenness is difficult unless we ask God to open our eyes to the heart. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
My thoughts turn towards athletes how sometimes when they win an important game many of them will say they have a lucky piece of clothing, begin to wear it to every game. Other times it gets stuck in our head that "this is the way I/we have always done it" so we stick with doing that thing in the exact same way, even when it no longer is useful just as the lucky piece of clothing sees a loss but we insist that we need to keep it. These thoughts have been running through my mind a whole lot lately as I speak to people who have an older parent, spouse they are caring for. It may be time to let go of the independence of walking, start using an aid to help them walk. As I pondered on this thought I recall God taking me out of my comfort levels in recent years and placing me in very different circumstances, like moving 2 times in 2 years. We moved from Michigan to Virginia, I had lived in Michigan 50 years before I made a huge change to a completely different way of life. Here in rural Virginia it is slower paced, more accepting of those who are different than the norm and openly God fearing. In Michigan I had gotten used to being PC, fearing I would loose my job if I spoke Jesus' name, told others how He has saved me. I had to let go of my past in Virginia, past hurts, ways of doing what I have always done, friends, family everything I knew. When I got baptized in the Russel Fork river I felt God tell me that I was crossing my Red Sea, He took me into a time of being in the wilderness as I learned new customs, ways of doing housework, expectations that things will be done in a certain way and also leave the past in the past back in Michigan. The first big hurdle was to learn that I was free from abuse and he could no longer reach out to me in any way, show up in my life etc. I learned that as much as we want to be compassionate, it is difficult for us to do so at times, like I knew of Junior's disabilities, I felt I allotted him time to work at his pace. I did not because I felt by adding a few hours to what it took me to do things when I was able bodied I had given him what he needed. As I dealt with chronic fatigue, Junior thought I was lazy, we both lived with an idea that we knew and understood, we did not. We had to learn to "listen" not only to words but to our own belief's of what we thought was right. Being disabled now I understand more fully the silliness of allotting a certain amount of time for Junior to do things. I did not factor in pain that wears him out, he also did not grasp when I kept telling him I felt like an elephant was sitting on top of me all the time which made it very hard to get motivated. In this process God started teaching us to listen with our hearts. For me I was extremely upset when the entire house was not getting done like yesterday, that is how my ex had worked. One time in desperation I prayed "teach me to open my eyes to Junior's heart and to see what You see Lord." That was an eye opening moment for me, Junior's heart is awesome and the need to have my home done looking HG TV pretty was leaving me. For me taking medication to help me leave my fears in the past began to open the doors of peace. As my PCP helped me work on my many health problems I started to gain energy, the ability to start from scratch cleaning my home again then cook good meals for us. When my gait problems got worse I learned to use a walking stick, a walker even a wheelchair for a period. Once a diagnosis was found for my walking issues, some of my brain fog, I began to find ways to exercise effectively allowing me get out of the wheelchair and walk with the aid of a walker. It was hard getting back out of the wheelchair, once there I almost felt like I had to stay there, my doctor gave me my Parkinson's medication and said I should see a major change in a month, I did I could walk without getting exhausted with a walker. I kept working on exercising within my limitations and not burning up energy trying to do what I could no longer do and my strength has gotten a whole lot better. I still need my naps, I still get anxious sometimes about nothing but overall I am emotionally, spiritually and physically healthier than I have been in years. God had to tear me out of my first marriage, make me go to Divorce Recovery to get me on my journey of wholeness. Twenty years later, each painful lesson has taken me from an emptiness so dark and deep to a fullness that overflows. What started me on this journey of thinking about changing is a conversation with a friend and how her mother refuses to use an aid to walk. She is fearful of loosing her independence, in my own journey of life I have found that sometimes using an aid gives me much more life. My first and foremost aid is Jesus because without Him, I would not have left abuse, learned how to do old things in a new way and discover that I am capable of way more than I thought I was able to do. This journey has taught me that seeing each others journey of pain and brokenness is difficult unless we ask God to open our eyes to the heart. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, November 11, 2017
November 11, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
As I write the news is about the shooting in a small town church in Texas. Sunday evening Bible study changed from studying the Psalms to discussing what should church leaders do to protect those in church services. Some of the questions were how would the community at large feel about our church having armed members at the service. Would hiring a security firm be the way to go? Should we just trust the Lord and let happen what may happen? I recall again that these mass shootings take place the most where it is a gun free zone. That is where the most people can be killed, harmed. Again I think that the criminals don't abide by the law so they have weapons while innocent people are unprotected. I am not sure I would carry a gun, the times I tried to shoot I started out to be fairly good then kept getting worse, today I believe it may be do to traumatic brain injuries I have. With Parkinson's I don't shake much although when I am hungry, overextended I feel shaky so I am concerned about hitting the wrong things/people. I may need to rethink my thinking it seems like this world is getting scarier and crazier by the day anymore. At times I think if we don't wake up and ask God to forgive our sins then attempt to live the way God teaches us in the Bible our life will get even crazier. Of course right behind this thinking is with terrorists all over the world, that this may be the end of the end times since it began when Jesus went into heaven. To me each year our world is getting crazier with natural disasters, the terrorists attacking the world over, anger because one group of people feel neglected, abused whatever over the rest of the population and on and on. As I reflect on all of this I begin to think of hope, it seems as if the world in general has no hope at all. The general attitude is take care of number one and screw everyone else. Junior and I are getting older, we both have disabilities so much of our time is working within our limitations to keep our home and lives going. We depend on each other to accomplish day to day tasks. The other day I was cleaning the bathroom while Junior decided to wash the dishes, his pain level got to him so he sat down and I finished the dishes. We do days like this quite a bit anymore. We attempt to start our day in the Word of God which gives us the will to overcome our challenges one more day, then face this scary world head on the best we are able to. We draw strength from other believers of Jesus mainly on Sunday's and Wednesday's then we go home, shopping or run errands with the hope we have which is Jesus. The need to give this hope to others grows as we see all the craziness in the world so I write, we give our testimonies to those who will listen in the hopes of bringing the peace of Jesus in this life and eternity with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit instead of with Satan. Satan's eternity does not seem as peaceful as God's eternity does. Pastor Joe was mentioning that he and his wife Jenny have a daughter that is wayward. He says he prays for this daughter by asking God to do what He wills to reach her to come to him. I have been asking God to bring my children to Jesus as well although I ask for them to be taken care of too. It came to me that we don't generally accept Jesus in our hearts when life is easy we meet Him fully when we have hit bottom and there is no where else to turn. That is when I finally learned to stop believing there is a God but believe God and His ways. I also want to ask God to blow up all the terrorists as well, get rid of them. I know that God wants me to pray for them to meet His Son and stop bullying the world. Frankly that is hard and I truly do not remember ever praying this prayer. God forgave my sins when I repented and accepted Jesus as my Savior. I was a mean big sister, I had anger that has taken me a lifetime to let go of, I even thought a little time on the wild side would make great stories for my grandchildren so God for gave all that was ugly in me, then He began taking me step by step into the family of God teaching me how to not be angry, to stop holding grudges, and having an out of control thought life. He can do the same with those who are terrorists, adulterers, homosexuals and on and on. When God pointed me to look at the cross of Jesus, I saw how ugly sin is to God, even my white lies. I learned of God's great love for us all as I watched each scene of those last moments in my minds eye and I felt the hope of Jesus ascending into heaven knowing my sins have been forgiven as far as the east is from the west. Jesus commanded us to "Go forth into all nations making disciples of every nation and tribe." So all who will confess their sins allow God to change them may have the same hope of eternity in heaven. I feel compelled to see, live and give my hope to all people and allow God to convict the hearts of those who will accept this gift. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
As I write the news is about the shooting in a small town church in Texas. Sunday evening Bible study changed from studying the Psalms to discussing what should church leaders do to protect those in church services. Some of the questions were how would the community at large feel about our church having armed members at the service. Would hiring a security firm be the way to go? Should we just trust the Lord and let happen what may happen? I recall again that these mass shootings take place the most where it is a gun free zone. That is where the most people can be killed, harmed. Again I think that the criminals don't abide by the law so they have weapons while innocent people are unprotected. I am not sure I would carry a gun, the times I tried to shoot I started out to be fairly good then kept getting worse, today I believe it may be do to traumatic brain injuries I have. With Parkinson's I don't shake much although when I am hungry, overextended I feel shaky so I am concerned about hitting the wrong things/people. I may need to rethink my thinking it seems like this world is getting scarier and crazier by the day anymore. At times I think if we don't wake up and ask God to forgive our sins then attempt to live the way God teaches us in the Bible our life will get even crazier. Of course right behind this thinking is with terrorists all over the world, that this may be the end of the end times since it began when Jesus went into heaven. To me each year our world is getting crazier with natural disasters, the terrorists attacking the world over, anger because one group of people feel neglected, abused whatever over the rest of the population and on and on. As I reflect on all of this I begin to think of hope, it seems as if the world in general has no hope at all. The general attitude is take care of number one and screw everyone else. Junior and I are getting older, we both have disabilities so much of our time is working within our limitations to keep our home and lives going. We depend on each other to accomplish day to day tasks. The other day I was cleaning the bathroom while Junior decided to wash the dishes, his pain level got to him so he sat down and I finished the dishes. We do days like this quite a bit anymore. We attempt to start our day in the Word of God which gives us the will to overcome our challenges one more day, then face this scary world head on the best we are able to. We draw strength from other believers of Jesus mainly on Sunday's and Wednesday's then we go home, shopping or run errands with the hope we have which is Jesus. The need to give this hope to others grows as we see all the craziness in the world so I write, we give our testimonies to those who will listen in the hopes of bringing the peace of Jesus in this life and eternity with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit instead of with Satan. Satan's eternity does not seem as peaceful as God's eternity does. Pastor Joe was mentioning that he and his wife Jenny have a daughter that is wayward. He says he prays for this daughter by asking God to do what He wills to reach her to come to him. I have been asking God to bring my children to Jesus as well although I ask for them to be taken care of too. It came to me that we don't generally accept Jesus in our hearts when life is easy we meet Him fully when we have hit bottom and there is no where else to turn. That is when I finally learned to stop believing there is a God but believe God and His ways. I also want to ask God to blow up all the terrorists as well, get rid of them. I know that God wants me to pray for them to meet His Son and stop bullying the world. Frankly that is hard and I truly do not remember ever praying this prayer. God forgave my sins when I repented and accepted Jesus as my Savior. I was a mean big sister, I had anger that has taken me a lifetime to let go of, I even thought a little time on the wild side would make great stories for my grandchildren so God for gave all that was ugly in me, then He began taking me step by step into the family of God teaching me how to not be angry, to stop holding grudges, and having an out of control thought life. He can do the same with those who are terrorists, adulterers, homosexuals and on and on. When God pointed me to look at the cross of Jesus, I saw how ugly sin is to God, even my white lies. I learned of God's great love for us all as I watched each scene of those last moments in my minds eye and I felt the hope of Jesus ascending into heaven knowing my sins have been forgiven as far as the east is from the west. Jesus commanded us to "Go forth into all nations making disciples of every nation and tribe." So all who will confess their sins allow God to change them may have the same hope of eternity in heaven. I feel compelled to see, live and give my hope to all people and allow God to convict the hearts of those who will accept this gift. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, November 9, 2017
November 9, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
Reading my daily Bible reading then copying down passages that speak to my heart amazes me by the time I get to the point in my journal where I ask the question "What does the Holy Spirit say?" More often than not the passages from the OT, NT and even one of the Wisdom books like Proverbs I find all line up with what the Holy Spirit is directing me to, add to that there are times the Holy Spirit then answers me with another passage of Scripture. Recently I was in the book of Kings and read, "Concerning this house which thou are in building, if thou wilt walk in my statues, and execute my judgments, and keep all my commandments to walk in them; then I will perform my word with thee which I spake unto David thy father." For me I circled the word "if" because that if is an important part of the covenant God is making with King Solomon. It is important to follow God and His ways not ours. Next I was in Proverbs "Turn you at my reproof: behold I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you." I circled the word "spirit" because God is spirit and this points me to not look at the world with my eyes but with my heart which is my spirit connecting to God's Spirit. Finally in Mark I read And he said unto them. He that hat ears to hear, let him hear." For me when I come across these passages through out the Bible it makes me perk up, take note if I am clearing out the clutter in my mind, my life so that I can hear what God is telling me in my spirit. When I wrote out "What does the Holy Spirit say?" I took time to read each of the passages I wrote, I noted the overall theme was to stop and listen, then do what God tells me to do in doing this my life will be made better maybe with a struggle but better. I heard the Holy Spirit tell me "Choose this day who you will serve.." Next I wrote "How will I serve others?" It seemed today that the Holy Spirit set me up to write "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." I felt the lesson was "lead by example." With our failed first marriages Junior and I have worked hard to have a good marriage, we looked to the Bible for direction, took classes in a Bible believing and teaching church for several years until we moved to Virginia. When we moved to Virginia we had gotten away from praying together, studying the Word together and our marriage hit a slump. We loved each other but our life was not as rich as it had been. Once we started praying and studying the Word again our marriage began to fill rich again. Recently when Junior hurt his shoulder, I was able to step beside him, understand if he was not touching me and giving me encouraging words due to his pain. As he felt better I requested the hugs and gentle words of encouragement and he complied. I am thankful when Junior gets short with me that I am able to step back take my feelings out of the situation and observe what may be going on with him. Recently while shopping he called my name, I did not respond quick enough so his next words were rather harsh. I responded with "You are a jerk!" He let me know he had to use the bathroom, while he was gone I figured out that he must have had to go rather badly, when he came back we were friends again. In another life this situation would have gotten rather ugly with us leaving the store. That brief moment of being apart allowed us to regroup both of our attitudes then move on in friendship. These moments are made okay because we strive to live life according the Word of God in our lives. As my thoughts came to a close after reading what I had written I mused that each day I need to commit to God to be in my life then strive to turn all things over to Him. Not only is my marriage made better, I am able to face my Parkinson's, Junior's disabilities, life in general. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Reading my daily Bible reading then copying down passages that speak to my heart amazes me by the time I get to the point in my journal where I ask the question "What does the Holy Spirit say?" More often than not the passages from the OT, NT and even one of the Wisdom books like Proverbs I find all line up with what the Holy Spirit is directing me to, add to that there are times the Holy Spirit then answers me with another passage of Scripture. Recently I was in the book of Kings and read, "Concerning this house which thou are in building, if thou wilt walk in my statues, and execute my judgments, and keep all my commandments to walk in them; then I will perform my word with thee which I spake unto David thy father." For me I circled the word "if" because that if is an important part of the covenant God is making with King Solomon. It is important to follow God and His ways not ours. Next I was in Proverbs "Turn you at my reproof: behold I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you." I circled the word "spirit" because God is spirit and this points me to not look at the world with my eyes but with my heart which is my spirit connecting to God's Spirit. Finally in Mark I read And he said unto them. He that hat ears to hear, let him hear." For me when I come across these passages through out the Bible it makes me perk up, take note if I am clearing out the clutter in my mind, my life so that I can hear what God is telling me in my spirit. When I wrote out "What does the Holy Spirit say?" I took time to read each of the passages I wrote, I noted the overall theme was to stop and listen, then do what God tells me to do in doing this my life will be made better maybe with a struggle but better. I heard the Holy Spirit tell me "Choose this day who you will serve.." Next I wrote "How will I serve others?" It seemed today that the Holy Spirit set me up to write "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." I felt the lesson was "lead by example." With our failed first marriages Junior and I have worked hard to have a good marriage, we looked to the Bible for direction, took classes in a Bible believing and teaching church for several years until we moved to Virginia. When we moved to Virginia we had gotten away from praying together, studying the Word together and our marriage hit a slump. We loved each other but our life was not as rich as it had been. Once we started praying and studying the Word again our marriage began to fill rich again. Recently when Junior hurt his shoulder, I was able to step beside him, understand if he was not touching me and giving me encouraging words due to his pain. As he felt better I requested the hugs and gentle words of encouragement and he complied. I am thankful when Junior gets short with me that I am able to step back take my feelings out of the situation and observe what may be going on with him. Recently while shopping he called my name, I did not respond quick enough so his next words were rather harsh. I responded with "You are a jerk!" He let me know he had to use the bathroom, while he was gone I figured out that he must have had to go rather badly, when he came back we were friends again. In another life this situation would have gotten rather ugly with us leaving the store. That brief moment of being apart allowed us to regroup both of our attitudes then move on in friendship. These moments are made okay because we strive to live life according the Word of God in our lives. As my thoughts came to a close after reading what I had written I mused that each day I need to commit to God to be in my life then strive to turn all things over to Him. Not only is my marriage made better, I am able to face my Parkinson's, Junior's disabilities, life in general. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, November 7, 2017
November 7, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
As a woman I need reassurance that my husband loves me, I need to be touched in tender ways. Recently with Junior's pain in his shoulder the pain has been very intense so his focus has been on relieving his pain, sleeping more etc. With the help of his Chiropractor, the massage therapist Junior's pain has leveled off to a manageable level, he is able to do some things around the house, even to joke a bit more again. I have learned to ask him to give me what I need and he is more than happy to comply, so I reminded him that I need the hugs and compliments again. He has honored my request and I am grateful. My counselor taught me after my divorce how men need to be told what we want, it has been difficult because I felt they should know. Men don't was a surprise, then to ask them to give me my needs was harder yet. I was glad I was given this information early on and I have had a few years to grow into this lesson. Once I asked Junior to touch me again and I was getting the attention I needed I felt myself feeling better about my looks and overall happy again. We have been married 19 years now and I find that I want to please him more with the way I dress, wear make up or not etc. He has liked my style all along so when we shop he feels free to advise me on what would look good, I trust him to tell me if the outfit will not look good. At one point in my life I wore what was in fashion, on the conservative side, I was afraid to try a whole new look because I wanted to blend into my surroundings so I picked neutrals. With the onset of my balance issues then diagnosis of Parkinson's I have decided to wear dresses all the time, I prefer the longer dresses and I find myself developing a style that is unique to me. Last week I had my hair cut and highlighted and went a bit bolder than I have in the past, instead of blond highlights with soft browns and a hint of red my hairdresser and I chose a blonde that was brighter, the brown more copper and the red bolder with copper and I am thrilled with the outcome. Junior loves my new look in hair and in clothes and I am comfortable changing what I have been. The first decision I had with wearing dresses was I did not want to wear nylons, I stopped wearing them the day I retired. I wear socks in the winter and go bare legged in the summer, I don't wear heels of any sort so I am comfortable, don't struggle to walk with a body that won't walk straight. In learning to be bolder, I found myself tiring out walking on my own, was needing to use a wheelchair before I started taking medication, since taking PD medication I am able to walk with the use of a walker and I am grateful because the walker has helped me straighten up, I was starting to curve over like many PD patients do. I was comfortable enough to decide I needed the walker when I tired out so much just walking. Recently I decided it was time to use the walker at home which is when my back straightened up. These decisions to use an aid are hard because I want to walk on my own for as long as I can which means I could choose to use them thus I could fall more or use them, have energy, not fall as much. I knew I made the right decision recently when I found myself tripping over the wheels of the walker, I was tired due to being too active for a few days and the tiredness showed up in my gait. If I had not been using an aid I would have fallen, might not have had the energy to do what I was doing. Using the aid gives me more energy than if I walk on my own steam. I believe knowing my husband loves me due to his comments and touches has given me courage to change a whole lot about how I have been for most of my life, given me courage to use aids to help me walk and be comfortable being different instead of trying to blend in all the time. I am grateful God had my and Junior's path cross after my divorce and I feel safe telling him, I need a hug. I have also learned Junior does not want constant touching and I still feel safe with what he can give me comfortably. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
As a woman I need reassurance that my husband loves me, I need to be touched in tender ways. Recently with Junior's pain in his shoulder the pain has been very intense so his focus has been on relieving his pain, sleeping more etc. With the help of his Chiropractor, the massage therapist Junior's pain has leveled off to a manageable level, he is able to do some things around the house, even to joke a bit more again. I have learned to ask him to give me what I need and he is more than happy to comply, so I reminded him that I need the hugs and compliments again. He has honored my request and I am grateful. My counselor taught me after my divorce how men need to be told what we want, it has been difficult because I felt they should know. Men don't was a surprise, then to ask them to give me my needs was harder yet. I was glad I was given this information early on and I have had a few years to grow into this lesson. Once I asked Junior to touch me again and I was getting the attention I needed I felt myself feeling better about my looks and overall happy again. We have been married 19 years now and I find that I want to please him more with the way I dress, wear make up or not etc. He has liked my style all along so when we shop he feels free to advise me on what would look good, I trust him to tell me if the outfit will not look good. At one point in my life I wore what was in fashion, on the conservative side, I was afraid to try a whole new look because I wanted to blend into my surroundings so I picked neutrals. With the onset of my balance issues then diagnosis of Parkinson's I have decided to wear dresses all the time, I prefer the longer dresses and I find myself developing a style that is unique to me. Last week I had my hair cut and highlighted and went a bit bolder than I have in the past, instead of blond highlights with soft browns and a hint of red my hairdresser and I chose a blonde that was brighter, the brown more copper and the red bolder with copper and I am thrilled with the outcome. Junior loves my new look in hair and in clothes and I am comfortable changing what I have been. The first decision I had with wearing dresses was I did not want to wear nylons, I stopped wearing them the day I retired. I wear socks in the winter and go bare legged in the summer, I don't wear heels of any sort so I am comfortable, don't struggle to walk with a body that won't walk straight. In learning to be bolder, I found myself tiring out walking on my own, was needing to use a wheelchair before I started taking medication, since taking PD medication I am able to walk with the use of a walker and I am grateful because the walker has helped me straighten up, I was starting to curve over like many PD patients do. I was comfortable enough to decide I needed the walker when I tired out so much just walking. Recently I decided it was time to use the walker at home which is when my back straightened up. These decisions to use an aid are hard because I want to walk on my own for as long as I can which means I could choose to use them thus I could fall more or use them, have energy, not fall as much. I knew I made the right decision recently when I found myself tripping over the wheels of the walker, I was tired due to being too active for a few days and the tiredness showed up in my gait. If I had not been using an aid I would have fallen, might not have had the energy to do what I was doing. Using the aid gives me more energy than if I walk on my own steam. I believe knowing my husband loves me due to his comments and touches has given me courage to change a whole lot about how I have been for most of my life, given me courage to use aids to help me walk and be comfortable being different instead of trying to blend in all the time. I am grateful God had my and Junior's path cross after my divorce and I feel safe telling him, I need a hug. I have also learned Junior does not want constant touching and I still feel safe with what he can give me comfortably. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, November 4, 2017
November 4, 2017
November 4, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
God has laid it on my heart to put food away for the next year. This is not something I have ever done but I have completed my 2nd year of getting a year's food supply on hand. My method of preserving food is dehydrating and I have done up corn, carrots and celery which I use mainly in soup making. I now buy peanut butter in bulk with things like syrup and bread crumbs. I admit that it is much nicer to have things on hand throughout the year. We have bought a freezer and are buying meat from the meat packing plant as well. This year I froze green beans along with raspberries and blue berries. I have started buying tuna fish, canned chicken and I am starting to build up a supply of salmon. The nice thing with having a good supply of food on hand is if the weather is not good I don't have to worry about getting food since I have much of our needs on hand. Since we drink almond milk, I am able to keep extra on hand because it lasts longer than dairy milk. Along with food we have been setting ourselves up for if the power goes out we can still function. We have propane heat, so in the winter we always will have heat along with a wood burning stove. The idea with the wood stove was we could get all the wood we needed on our property, although that is difficult for Junior since his shoulder has been bothering him. We can get a truck load of wood though for between $50 and $60 which should last us throughout the winter. When we had the propane heaters set up it was determined that the heater in the sitting room should be enough for both the sitting room and the TV room, It was not so last year since we had an electric heater so this year we have bought another propane stove for the TV room. It is rather nice not having to turn the electric heater on and off, we also moved it to in front of the TV instead of the fireplace. Since the fireplace is next to Junior the gas stove would have been too warm. I will figure out how to decorate the fire place which is a challenge I love, the fireplace is a non working fireplace because the chimney has been filled with cement. Learning to listen to God and to trust Him has meant I needed to learn some new things like how to dehydrate, how to cook from scratch more. Eating less processed food means we are eating healthier, which also helps me with my Parkinson's. I have been learning how to be active again because Chronic Fatigue had taken me down so much that all I could do is sit, even moving from one chair to the next was too much energy. God took me from that state to the point I am at today where I am able to keep our home up, cook meals and even dehydrate a years worth of vegetables. Today I need a two hour nap in the afternoon and then I am able to do quite a bit of work. We also have two generator's for when the power is out so all in all we have all of our needs met including a cistern that collects water we are able to be very self sufficient. For me this process of getting self sufficient has meant been an exercise in building up my energy and reentering life again. For Junior he has been learning much as he has learned how to renovate our home. God has been teaching him many lessons along the way and more recently Junior is learning to not work from dawn to dusk each day, it was tiring him out and taxing his body. With his hernia surgery and now his shoulder Junior has learned to slow down to work steady but to rest as well. At the end of the day we are learning to trust God, go to God more often and we have grown closer to Him. It is what we desire the most and God is fulfilling our heart's desire. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Greetings My Friend,
God has laid it on my heart to put food away for the next year. This is not something I have ever done but I have completed my 2nd year of getting a year's food supply on hand. My method of preserving food is dehydrating and I have done up corn, carrots and celery which I use mainly in soup making. I now buy peanut butter in bulk with things like syrup and bread crumbs. I admit that it is much nicer to have things on hand throughout the year. We have bought a freezer and are buying meat from the meat packing plant as well. This year I froze green beans along with raspberries and blue berries. I have started buying tuna fish, canned chicken and I am starting to build up a supply of salmon. The nice thing with having a good supply of food on hand is if the weather is not good I don't have to worry about getting food since I have much of our needs on hand. Since we drink almond milk, I am able to keep extra on hand because it lasts longer than dairy milk. Along with food we have been setting ourselves up for if the power goes out we can still function. We have propane heat, so in the winter we always will have heat along with a wood burning stove. The idea with the wood stove was we could get all the wood we needed on our property, although that is difficult for Junior since his shoulder has been bothering him. We can get a truck load of wood though for between $50 and $60 which should last us throughout the winter. When we had the propane heaters set up it was determined that the heater in the sitting room should be enough for both the sitting room and the TV room, It was not so last year since we had an electric heater so this year we have bought another propane stove for the TV room. It is rather nice not having to turn the electric heater on and off, we also moved it to in front of the TV instead of the fireplace. Since the fireplace is next to Junior the gas stove would have been too warm. I will figure out how to decorate the fire place which is a challenge I love, the fireplace is a non working fireplace because the chimney has been filled with cement. Learning to listen to God and to trust Him has meant I needed to learn some new things like how to dehydrate, how to cook from scratch more. Eating less processed food means we are eating healthier, which also helps me with my Parkinson's. I have been learning how to be active again because Chronic Fatigue had taken me down so much that all I could do is sit, even moving from one chair to the next was too much energy. God took me from that state to the point I am at today where I am able to keep our home up, cook meals and even dehydrate a years worth of vegetables. Today I need a two hour nap in the afternoon and then I am able to do quite a bit of work. We also have two generator's for when the power is out so all in all we have all of our needs met including a cistern that collects water we are able to be very self sufficient. For me this process of getting self sufficient has meant been an exercise in building up my energy and reentering life again. For Junior he has been learning much as he has learned how to renovate our home. God has been teaching him many lessons along the way and more recently Junior is learning to not work from dawn to dusk each day, it was tiring him out and taxing his body. With his hernia surgery and now his shoulder Junior has learned to slow down to work steady but to rest as well. At the end of the day we are learning to trust God, go to God more often and we have grown closer to Him. It is what we desire the most and God is fulfilling our heart's desire. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, November 2, 2017
November 2, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
In order to live my life fully at this point I need to be focused on "me" quite a bit. Having Parkinson's Disease I choose to learn as much as I can, allow myself the time I need to replenish myself and to even cook the right foods that will help me. Being this self focused is strange to me although it is necessary. I have been asked to work in ministries such as women's circle and such and I can no longer do these things. Sunday's is the day I allow myself to be "over" busy since I go to Sunday school, services and evening Bible study. Part of my Sunday routine is a 2 hour nap between church and evening Bible Study. I miss being in ministry activities such as mission trips, being involved in the work of the church and such although God has me in ministry that aligns with my abilities. Ministry for me is online, writing and praying for the most part and when I am out I can always be a smile to a clerk who is having a hard day. In all of this my life is full and rich even with my disabilities. In 1 Thessalonians I read, " Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labor of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the sight of God and our Father;" Paul was saying he prayed constantly for the new believers and the work they were doing. This passage reminded me of the importance of prayer in ministry and comforted me. I generally pray for family, friends, our church, country etc. What I was reminded in this passage is that those in ministry also need a lot of prayer for strength in difficulties and fruitfulness in their work. There are persecuted Christians around the world who need strength to continue on the fight for what they believe in Jesus' work on the cross. There are missionaries who are in countries that won't allow Christian's to spread the Word and their lives are in constant danger, so prayer is needed for them as well. Even at home prayer is needed for our minister's, youth director's and Sunday school teachers. The work of the church in the community needs prayer needless to say I have a lot of untapped work to do for the sake of advancing the Gospel as Jesus directed us to "go forth into all the world making disciples of every nation and tribe." In my reflection's I also realize not all work of the Gospel is visible, there is a lot of behind the scenes work going on all the time, like the Bible being translated into more and more languages, people organizing the mission areas that missionaries enter into. Then I am also reminded that the Gospel can be given at a restaurant by the way I tip the waiter, speak to the wait staff and even pray over my meal. I love the lesson I learned one time of "preach the Gospel and sometimes use words," in other words our actions do much for advancing the message of Jesus Christ. I suppose I could end that sentence with and pray that you will be a witness in word and deed so that Jesus would be known in as many ways as possible. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
In order to live my life fully at this point I need to be focused on "me" quite a bit. Having Parkinson's Disease I choose to learn as much as I can, allow myself the time I need to replenish myself and to even cook the right foods that will help me. Being this self focused is strange to me although it is necessary. I have been asked to work in ministries such as women's circle and such and I can no longer do these things. Sunday's is the day I allow myself to be "over" busy since I go to Sunday school, services and evening Bible study. Part of my Sunday routine is a 2 hour nap between church and evening Bible Study. I miss being in ministry activities such as mission trips, being involved in the work of the church and such although God has me in ministry that aligns with my abilities. Ministry for me is online, writing and praying for the most part and when I am out I can always be a smile to a clerk who is having a hard day. In all of this my life is full and rich even with my disabilities. In 1 Thessalonians I read, " Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labor of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the sight of God and our Father;" Paul was saying he prayed constantly for the new believers and the work they were doing. This passage reminded me of the importance of prayer in ministry and comforted me. I generally pray for family, friends, our church, country etc. What I was reminded in this passage is that those in ministry also need a lot of prayer for strength in difficulties and fruitfulness in their work. There are persecuted Christians around the world who need strength to continue on the fight for what they believe in Jesus' work on the cross. There are missionaries who are in countries that won't allow Christian's to spread the Word and their lives are in constant danger, so prayer is needed for them as well. Even at home prayer is needed for our minister's, youth director's and Sunday school teachers. The work of the church in the community needs prayer needless to say I have a lot of untapped work to do for the sake of advancing the Gospel as Jesus directed us to "go forth into all the world making disciples of every nation and tribe." In my reflection's I also realize not all work of the Gospel is visible, there is a lot of behind the scenes work going on all the time, like the Bible being translated into more and more languages, people organizing the mission areas that missionaries enter into. Then I am also reminded that the Gospel can be given at a restaurant by the way I tip the waiter, speak to the wait staff and even pray over my meal. I love the lesson I learned one time of "preach the Gospel and sometimes use words," in other words our actions do much for advancing the message of Jesus Christ. I suppose I could end that sentence with and pray that you will be a witness in word and deed so that Jesus would be known in as many ways as possible. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
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