November 21, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

It has taken me a very long time to get to today, God knew when He put me with Junior that I would be safe and have the time to grow out of the abuse dysfunction I had lived in for a long time. Generally it is not advisable to meet then marry within 15 months of divorce. I was preparing my heart that it may take many years for me to be healthy enough to be in a relationship when I met Junior six months after my divorce. I was in his group at Divorce Recovery where he was the facilitator, after Divorce Recovery ended Junior took a group of us newly single's to a dance for singles then he danced with each of us. Our relationship grew and we married 5 months later, 15 months after my divorce. My ex wanted the divorce then began playing the nice guy bringing over things like my bike that had been broken for years fixed up and cleaned up. He met me at the church door each time I walked in and after my marriage he kept inserting himself into my life as we gathered for our grandchildren's events and such, even my mothers funeral service, he stood upfront greeting people. All of this is what Junior inherited when he married me, a broken, scared woman. He joined me in my counseling sessions so he could help me work through what I needed to work through, we took remarried classes, relationship classes and went to marriage seminars all which helped us grow close as a couple. Recently we were finishing a Sunday School Bible study lesson when we began to have a conversation about how we have grown as a couple. Junior opened up about how difficult it was for him to deal with me, my feelings were easily hurt and I had times where I was rough with him. He perceived that I wanted him to work on something else so he would change what he was working on. I learned that he worked way slower than I had thought he needed because I am hyperactive, my family was hyperactive and I did not know how much slower disabled people needed to work. Once we moved to Virginia I was able to begin to process all that I had been through, we both marveled at how the renovating has helped us individually and as a couple. Medication for depression and anxiety has quieted my fears, disability has slowed my body down and L-Tyrosine has helped slow my brain down to where I now am able to allow Junior to work the way he needs to work, to hear him when he talks to me and so much more. I see God working all of this out for my good for our good as a couple. Junior had to learn I am not faking my illnesses as his first wife did, that I am able to tolerate pain and how damaged I truly was. We have discovered that most people do not recognize the first signs of a chronic illness, mental traumas and even how to deal with PTSD. Junior often felt no one understood his struggle with disability and PTSD, the anger flare ups he can have. Now that we know I have Parkinson's Junior realizes that I was not lazy and the extent of the trauma I dealt with in my abuse both as a child and as an adult. God set us up as a couple, provided tools for us to strengthen our marriage and then had us move to Virginia so we could learn more lessons as he renovated our home. He mentioned how hard it was to stay with me but he felt compelled to stay, today he is happy with our marriage. I am in love with Junior even more in love than when we married, I have learned not all men need to hurt women, God truly loves me and is not out to harm me. We have worn off the rough edges within ourselves and in our marriage and are content because God knew what He was doing. I have grown to trust God, to see the gift of the cross and Junior had fallen away from daily prayer into popcorn prayers only to find out there needs to be time alone with God. Since his return to prayer and private time in the Word we are growing once more. We realize that we have weathered much and come out for the better. As we begin to enter into our 20th year of marriage, we are stronger, more connected and very dependent on God and each other. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet