November 7, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

As a woman I need reassurance that my husband loves me, I need to be touched in tender ways. Recently with Junior's pain in his shoulder the pain has been very intense so his focus has been on relieving his pain, sleeping more etc. With the help of his Chiropractor, the massage therapist Junior's pain has leveled off to a manageable level, he is able to do some things around the house, even to joke a bit more again. I have learned to ask him to give me what I need and he is more than happy to comply, so I reminded him that I need the hugs and compliments again. He has honored my request and I am grateful. My counselor taught me after my divorce how men need to be told what we want, it has been difficult because I felt they should know. Men don't was a surprise, then to ask them to give me my needs was harder yet. I was glad I was given this information early on  and I have had a few years to grow into this lesson. Once I asked Junior to touch me again and I was getting the attention I needed I felt myself feeling better about my looks and overall happy again. We have been married 19 years now and I find that I want to please him more with the way I dress, wear make up or not etc. He has liked my style all along so when we shop he feels free to advise me on what would look good, I trust him to tell me if the outfit will not look good. At one point in my life I wore what was in fashion, on the conservative side, I was afraid to try a whole new look because I wanted to blend into my surroundings so I picked neutrals. With the onset of my balance issues then diagnosis of Parkinson's I have decided to wear dresses all the time, I prefer the longer dresses and I find myself developing a style that is unique to me. Last week I had my hair cut and highlighted and went a bit bolder than I have in the past, instead of blond highlights with soft browns and a hint of red my hairdresser and I chose a blonde that was brighter, the brown more copper and the red bolder with copper and I am thrilled with the outcome. Junior loves my new look in hair and in clothes and I am comfortable changing what I have been. The first decision I had with wearing dresses was I did not want to wear nylons, I stopped wearing them the day I retired. I wear socks in the winter and go bare legged in the summer, I don't wear heels of any sort so I am comfortable, don't struggle to walk with a body that won't walk straight. In learning to be bolder, I found myself tiring out walking on my own, was needing to use a wheelchair before I started taking medication, since taking PD medication I am able to walk with the use of a walker and I am grateful because the walker has helped me straighten up, I was starting to curve over like many PD patients do. I was comfortable enough to decide I needed the walker when I tired out so much just walking. Recently I decided it was time to use the walker at home which is when my back straightened up. These decisions to use an aid are hard because I want to walk on my own for as long as I can which means I could choose to use them thus I could fall more or use them, have energy, not fall as much. I knew I made the right decision recently when I found myself tripping over the wheels of the walker, I was tired due to being too active for a few days and the tiredness showed up in my gait. If I had not been using an aid I would have fallen, might not have had the energy to do what I was doing. Using the aid gives me more energy than if I walk on my own steam. I believe knowing my husband loves me due to his comments and touches has given me courage to change a whole lot about how I have been for most of my life, given me courage to use aids to help me walk and be comfortable being different instead of trying to blend in all the time. I am grateful God had my and Junior's path cross after my divorce and I feel safe telling him, I need a hug. I have also learned Junior does not want constant touching and I still feel safe with what he can give me comfortably. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet