November 30, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

After Sunday evening Bible study I was hungry, another friend was hungry so we headed to McDonald's to share some food and to chat. The usual crowd did not go because the Choir is practicing for the Christmas Cantata which means many members of the Bible study go to choir practice instead of heading home or to McDonald's. Junior and I knew this lady although we have never had the opportunity to chat with her much more than greeting her when we saw her. She is divorced as Junior and I are and she also shared her story of abuse. I find it strangely wonderful that I have had 2 people to share my story with in 2 weeks. When I got up on Monday morning I was contemplating how God continues to bring healing into my life when the thought came to me that at this point in my healing I don't have the need to talk about everything for long extended periods of time. This is rather new in my faith walk, the need to not share the painful details of hurt over and over. Once I started taking anti anxiety/depression medications Junior started telling telling me that I needed to let go of the "talking" about my hurts, mainly from the past. He taught me to take that hurt to God and to let it go. This has been a difficult process for me because I love to talk, I did not realize though that much of my talk is about how people hurt me, my feelings. The more healing I have had the less I needed to tell others or to talk about it on and on. God has been teaching me to tell Him, to feel His love for me then to get up and enter back into life. The more I do this the better I feel emotionally. I am finding this even with my disease Parkinson's as well. I acknowledge that I have it, I share from time to time things I learn and experience with PD but my need to live it, talk it day in and day out is not as intense as life's major upsets have been for me. I have found a couple of people who have some knowledge of PD who let me explore with my questions so I am able to live my life as fully as I am able. I also have a couple of help sites I refer to so I can be as pro active as I am able to be. This disease is with me 24/7 so I need to think about how to cope quite a bit but I don't have the need to talk constantly about it. I am also learning to take the time I need to stop and rest and not feel guilty if I can not be counted on to do things I once was able to do. Over the Thanksgiving Holiday I over did the visiting and running, when Sunday morning came I got sick and I needed to stop and sleep most of the day. I allowed my body the time to rest and I was able to go to Sunday night Bible study at church. Come Monday after Thanksgiving we had to make a run to Johnson City, I have learned to take my nap in the truck on the trip or in the parking lot so that I am able to function. On Tuesday I will stay home which will be a day for me to catch up on my rest, to move slowly but allow myself enough activity so I don't become stiff. God is giving me the confidence to do what I need to do so that I am able to be effective for His calling for my life. It is hard when I have to sleep major portions of my day but if I listen to what God is telling me to do, I am able to do much more than when I was trying to rest for 10 minuets at a time before getting up and going again. Today I take a daily nap anywhere from an hour to 2 hours and on occasion even more. By allowing for a nap though I have been doing even more work than when I only rested and nodded off throughout the day. God has also encouraged me to use a walking stick, then a walker to get around with, by using these devices I find I am able to walk for longer periods of time, my shoulders are not pulled up near my ears as much and my spine has straightened out making me walk more upright which means I am having less back pain. I still get a lower back ache though when I walk around the house too much without my walker. All of this is possible because God has taught me what I need to do so that I can do the work He calls me to do. He does not take the disease of PD away, He has brought healing to my past life and I am grateful He walked with me through the trials instead of making it all go away. He is my testimony in all areas of my life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet