Greetings My Friend,
I am an encourager by nature, I want people to feel better about themselves because I know what not liking who I am feels like. I look to how God loves me then try to imitate that type of love with others, for me learning that the Greeks have several words for the word love has helped me differentiate they type of love I want to give. My favorite is Agape love, servant love, seeking another persons highest good. Recently I have struggled to be positive with how my granddaughter is dressing. She is in her early 20's, I have very little relationship with her so having a critical attitude would make no difference to her, she does not see me as someone whose opinion matters all that much. Still, I try to acknowledge her. After wrestling with my thoughts I started praying on how to deal with this issue. My main point of contact is Instagram, she has a lot of selfie's although there are times there are pictures of the children she works with, with her friends hanging out going to sporting events. God gave me the answer as I was reading my Bible, a couple passages of Scripture spoke to my heart, I wrote them down then I asked the Holy Spirit to open my heart to what I was to learn. I learned I don't have to like every picture, I like the ones that are "clean" in my opinion, leave the ones I find not so good. In my online support group I find that one of the administrator's is gay, he gives good advice, is friendly and sometimes he comments about his partner. I am uncomfortable with the couple comments but did not want to encourage this type of relationship, then when I looked at what the Holy Spirit taught me about my granddaughter, I found I could apply the same principal. My desire is to give Jesus to everyone, not to only the people I love or understand so now I have a way to relate to and love as Jesus loves me. Jesus died for everyone on earth, including Muslims, Gay's, thieves and even addicts. My heart wants to reach any heart that may want to know the love of God. I go back to the woman at the well, Jesus loved this woman even though in her society she was despised because of her being married 5 times and living with a man outside of marriage. Jesus loved the lepers, the blind, the unwanted, the gentiles as well as the Jews, this teaches me there is no one who is too bad, awful or undesirable to come to the family of God so I am doing my best to give the Gospel to all people I know, come into contact with. The Bible teaches us we must admit our sins, accept Jesus is God's Son then we will be part of God's family. God takes us where we are then changes us to follow His ways, for me His ways has been so freeing. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you.
Saturday, April 28, 2018
Thursday, April 26, 2018
April 26, 2018
Greetings My Friend,
I remember a game played in the senior high group I advised. The Pastor would ask a question then people would choose a spot where they agreed on the answer. There were 2 spots one was agree, the other was disagree. The question "if they were dating someone exclusively did they think it alright to date someone else at the same time." The entire group including the Pastor agreed that it was okay except me. I dated one boy for a few weeks when I met the boy I eventually married a few weeks later, I broke off with the 1st boy, dated the other one exclusively. I have always felt one relationship at a time was all I could deal with. I am struggling with today's relaxed standards, willingness to sleep with several different partners before settling into a relationship, for awhile anyway. Marriage is after they decided they lived together was going well. When I went through Divorce Recovery, we were encouraged not to sleep with anyone until marriage. The male instructor talked to the men mostly and reminded them how thoughts of other women could interfere with their marriage relationship. I am grateful I have known only two men, one too many in my life. Junior taught me how he wants to be loved, I taught Junior how I want to be loved and that fills me. It took me awhile to let go of the images of my first marriage relationship, today they are gone and I am grateful. As my grandchildren reach adulthood I see that their parents have had a few relationships outside of marriage, they were not discouraged from doing the same thing. My heart is breaking to see this. The more I have left my first marriage, the more I see where my values were laughed at, ignored. Basically I see my children were drawn to the darker side of life, not the light of Jesus which I have sought. The Bible teaches us that if we are yoked to darkness then the light we had would grow dark, how true this has been in my life. Science bears this out as well. I had a doctor tell me one time the more partners a woman sleeps with, the more likely they will have female problems. Our bodies were made for one partner. As I see the sensual clothes, the glass of beer my heart knows the long road of darkness my grandchild is entering into. Most young people love to try drinking, smoking, doing a few street drugs. Many will out grow this while many won't they end up addicted, used up. I was lucky when I was young because I did play around with drinking, a few street drugs then I walked away. I did not loosing control of my thoughts and as I was invited into immoral things I found drugs were not what I wanted. I drank some after that but I still felt pressured to do what I did not want to do so I pretty much gave up drinking all together, after my divorce I quit completely. I guess my pain comes from being there, desiring others not walking into that dark pit. Today I find the void in my life has been filled by the love of God, the instruction of the Holy Spirit and the example of Jesus. My life is complete in one relationship with my husband and following the teachings of the Bible. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
I remember a game played in the senior high group I advised. The Pastor would ask a question then people would choose a spot where they agreed on the answer. There were 2 spots one was agree, the other was disagree. The question "if they were dating someone exclusively did they think it alright to date someone else at the same time." The entire group including the Pastor agreed that it was okay except me. I dated one boy for a few weeks when I met the boy I eventually married a few weeks later, I broke off with the 1st boy, dated the other one exclusively. I have always felt one relationship at a time was all I could deal with. I am struggling with today's relaxed standards, willingness to sleep with several different partners before settling into a relationship, for awhile anyway. Marriage is after they decided they lived together was going well. When I went through Divorce Recovery, we were encouraged not to sleep with anyone until marriage. The male instructor talked to the men mostly and reminded them how thoughts of other women could interfere with their marriage relationship. I am grateful I have known only two men, one too many in my life. Junior taught me how he wants to be loved, I taught Junior how I want to be loved and that fills me. It took me awhile to let go of the images of my first marriage relationship, today they are gone and I am grateful. As my grandchildren reach adulthood I see that their parents have had a few relationships outside of marriage, they were not discouraged from doing the same thing. My heart is breaking to see this. The more I have left my first marriage, the more I see where my values were laughed at, ignored. Basically I see my children were drawn to the darker side of life, not the light of Jesus which I have sought. The Bible teaches us that if we are yoked to darkness then the light we had would grow dark, how true this has been in my life. Science bears this out as well. I had a doctor tell me one time the more partners a woman sleeps with, the more likely they will have female problems. Our bodies were made for one partner. As I see the sensual clothes, the glass of beer my heart knows the long road of darkness my grandchild is entering into. Most young people love to try drinking, smoking, doing a few street drugs. Many will out grow this while many won't they end up addicted, used up. I was lucky when I was young because I did play around with drinking, a few street drugs then I walked away. I did not loosing control of my thoughts and as I was invited into immoral things I found drugs were not what I wanted. I drank some after that but I still felt pressured to do what I did not want to do so I pretty much gave up drinking all together, after my divorce I quit completely. I guess my pain comes from being there, desiring others not walking into that dark pit. Today I find the void in my life has been filled by the love of God, the instruction of the Holy Spirit and the example of Jesus. My life is complete in one relationship with my husband and following the teachings of the Bible. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
April 24, 2018
Greetings My Friend,
As I read the Bible year after year I start to discover that God truly is a loving God. As I move through the Bible I see that more than a loving God, He is a just God and a God of wrath as well. For the longest time I focused only on God's loving nature, I grew in His love, as I grew though I met judgement, like I needed to look at the things wrong in my life, admit the wrong (repent) then allow God to teach me how to walk away from that sin, when I walked away I found a new freedom I had never known before. My past life reminds me often that God's judgement waits for each of us at the end of the ages. If we have believed on Jesus we won't face the wrath, if we have not believed on Jesus we face God's wrath which is hell. For many years "Hell and damnation was preached only, today many churches only preach God's loving nature both have some truth in them although we also need to hear of God's judgement. God's judgement on Israel is shown us in the Bible, as long as Israel followed God and His ways, Israel did good, when they started worshiping other gods, God's judgement fell on Israel. I relate God's teaching with how I want the news presented to me "fair and balanced", I would love to hear "all" of God's Word preached, His love, His judgement and His wrath. As a parent I know that too much "being the nice guy" spoils the child, the child never appreciates all those things I thought was nice, they grow up to be uncaring, selfish people. If God did not have a balanced approach to His people then we would be spoiled children wanting their way all of the time even though judgement would help them become more aware of others in need. Since God is perfect then His perfect love is dispersed with judgement, wrath and then if we refuse to follow Him and His ways, He will walk away. I see the pain of what life without God would be like at the cross, as Jesus cries out "My God, my God why have You forsaken me!". It is the only time He cries out in pain, for me this brief moment in all of eternity without God in Jesus' life was more painful than the betrayal of a friend, being whipped by the Roman soldiers, being mocked, having a crown of thorns placed roughly on His scalp and nails pounded in His flesh. For me, I only need to look at the painfulness of my life of abuse for 40 years to have the tiniest hint of what hell will be like. The more I walk with Jesus, the more I am willing to be bold, to tell others the Good News that is open to all people's on earth. God takes us right where we are at then begins to change us, mold us for His righteous people. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
As I read the Bible year after year I start to discover that God truly is a loving God. As I move through the Bible I see that more than a loving God, He is a just God and a God of wrath as well. For the longest time I focused only on God's loving nature, I grew in His love, as I grew though I met judgement, like I needed to look at the things wrong in my life, admit the wrong (repent) then allow God to teach me how to walk away from that sin, when I walked away I found a new freedom I had never known before. My past life reminds me often that God's judgement waits for each of us at the end of the ages. If we have believed on Jesus we won't face the wrath, if we have not believed on Jesus we face God's wrath which is hell. For many years "Hell and damnation was preached only, today many churches only preach God's loving nature both have some truth in them although we also need to hear of God's judgement. God's judgement on Israel is shown us in the Bible, as long as Israel followed God and His ways, Israel did good, when they started worshiping other gods, God's judgement fell on Israel. I relate God's teaching with how I want the news presented to me "fair and balanced", I would love to hear "all" of God's Word preached, His love, His judgement and His wrath. As a parent I know that too much "being the nice guy" spoils the child, the child never appreciates all those things I thought was nice, they grow up to be uncaring, selfish people. If God did not have a balanced approach to His people then we would be spoiled children wanting their way all of the time even though judgement would help them become more aware of others in need. Since God is perfect then His perfect love is dispersed with judgement, wrath and then if we refuse to follow Him and His ways, He will walk away. I see the pain of what life without God would be like at the cross, as Jesus cries out "My God, my God why have You forsaken me!". It is the only time He cries out in pain, for me this brief moment in all of eternity without God in Jesus' life was more painful than the betrayal of a friend, being whipped by the Roman soldiers, being mocked, having a crown of thorns placed roughly on His scalp and nails pounded in His flesh. For me, I only need to look at the painfulness of my life of abuse for 40 years to have the tiniest hint of what hell will be like. The more I walk with Jesus, the more I am willing to be bold, to tell others the Good News that is open to all people's on earth. God takes us right where we are at then begins to change us, mold us for His righteous people. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, April 21, 2018
April 21, 2018
Greetings My Friend,
Sometimes you get too busy living day to day and don't think about the world around you, that is how my life has gone. I was too busy trying to live with a man who was never happy with me, trying to figure out how to help my child see, talk, figure out his allergies', going to work because my husband's income was not enough for us to live on, going to college and volunteering. I paid a little bit of attention to the news, to my children's education although not enough of either one. One day I wake up in my senior years to realize, what I was taught in school is not being taught to this generation of children, even my own children did not receive the same education I received. Sex education in my day was an explanation of male and female reproductive organs, nothing more. Today I find children have not been taught about the pilgrims coming to America so they worship the God of the Bible instead of having a state Christian religion. Children's sex education may include how to put a condom on, how some families have two parents of the same sex. I also felt that taking my children to church, Sunday school meant the church would teach them their faith, then they would grow up and be a part of a church family. I tried to live a wholesome life, thinking this was Christian only to discover having a personal relationship with Jesus was what God wants, our heart not our actions. I remember after my divorce, I suddenly saw the craziness in which my children grew up in which broke my heart. For a few years I blamed myself for all that was wrong in their lives, one day God convicted my heart telling me I did what I could with what I had. Recently I felt convicted to be bolder on what I post on Facebook, politically, spiritually. I also noticed other people my age being bold in their beliefs, like there has been an awakening of people who have not been heard in years. Many of us feel we have been lied to by our congressional candidates that we voted for what they promised knowing they were going to disregard why we voted for them that is until the last election. Now this silent voice is growing, a desire to undo much of what a few generation of children have learned, attempt to bring God of the Bible back into our country. As I have started posting my beliefs I have felt encouraged to stand my ground in a way I have never stood my ground, I sense our country is headed in a direction that will destroy our freedom so the need to be bold becomes of utmost importance. I see the socialist leanings our nation is turning toward as detrimental. I see socialist countries have never lasted very long, that these nations promise equality. Instead of equality, the government oppresses people more than helps them, healthcare is a mess and getting needed healthcare is minimal at best. When I am challenged today I am able to stand my ground, not cave in worrying I won't be liked. Living for Jesus means I won't be liked because the world hates Him and I am learning that is okay to be not liked. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Sometimes you get too busy living day to day and don't think about the world around you, that is how my life has gone. I was too busy trying to live with a man who was never happy with me, trying to figure out how to help my child see, talk, figure out his allergies', going to work because my husband's income was not enough for us to live on, going to college and volunteering. I paid a little bit of attention to the news, to my children's education although not enough of either one. One day I wake up in my senior years to realize, what I was taught in school is not being taught to this generation of children, even my own children did not receive the same education I received. Sex education in my day was an explanation of male and female reproductive organs, nothing more. Today I find children have not been taught about the pilgrims coming to America so they worship the God of the Bible instead of having a state Christian religion. Children's sex education may include how to put a condom on, how some families have two parents of the same sex. I also felt that taking my children to church, Sunday school meant the church would teach them their faith, then they would grow up and be a part of a church family. I tried to live a wholesome life, thinking this was Christian only to discover having a personal relationship with Jesus was what God wants, our heart not our actions. I remember after my divorce, I suddenly saw the craziness in which my children grew up in which broke my heart. For a few years I blamed myself for all that was wrong in their lives, one day God convicted my heart telling me I did what I could with what I had. Recently I felt convicted to be bolder on what I post on Facebook, politically, spiritually. I also noticed other people my age being bold in their beliefs, like there has been an awakening of people who have not been heard in years. Many of us feel we have been lied to by our congressional candidates that we voted for what they promised knowing they were going to disregard why we voted for them that is until the last election. Now this silent voice is growing, a desire to undo much of what a few generation of children have learned, attempt to bring God of the Bible back into our country. As I have started posting my beliefs I have felt encouraged to stand my ground in a way I have never stood my ground, I sense our country is headed in a direction that will destroy our freedom so the need to be bold becomes of utmost importance. I see the socialist leanings our nation is turning toward as detrimental. I see socialist countries have never lasted very long, that these nations promise equality. Instead of equality, the government oppresses people more than helps them, healthcare is a mess and getting needed healthcare is minimal at best. When I am challenged today I am able to stand my ground, not cave in worrying I won't be liked. Living for Jesus means I won't be liked because the world hates Him and I am learning that is okay to be not liked. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, April 19, 2018
April 19, 2018
Greetings My Friend,
I focus a whole lot on the woman at the well, in the Bible. Jesus stopped to rest while the disciple's went into town to get food. A woman comes to the well at a time when most women did not because she was not accepted in the community do to the fact she was married 5 times, then living outside of marriage with a man. This tender act of Jesus to this woman warms my heart often as I think on it. I always feel like I was much like the woman at the well, unwanted, not of much use. After we moved to Virginia, Junior saw a young man walking down the train track day after day. Junior felt led by the Lord he was supposed to mentor him, teach him how to work so he could go get a job. One day the young man Jeremiah's mother stopped by our house to check on him. Jeremiah told his mother Brenda to visit me while he finished what he was doing, to talk woman talk. That was the start of our friendship. Right off I discovered we both knew the pain of abuse, struggled to get away from the craziness of our life. I shared my story, she shared hers, then Brenda began to hang out with me. I was newly retired, could hardly move off of the couch, stay awake so Brenda watched me fight back to a functioning life again. As I learned how to do housework, do a little each day instead of blocking out time to keep the house up, I had to move slower, break my work down into manageable time frames. Brenda watched me, I shared what I knew, mostly though it seemed to fall on deaf ears. After Jeremiah worked with Junior a couple of years, we told him we could no longer afford to pay him. After a couple of false starts, Jeremiah indeed found a job as an over the road truck driving job. He has been working for 5 years now, Brenda started to break away from us, then she found she could not stay away so we have been hanging out with both Junior and I for nine years. Brenda's lifestyle is not one I have ever known, she appears to be backwards yet I can hear a very intelligent woman as well. We have both grown learning to love each other, understanding the pain of abuse. After all these years, I almost felt she was never going to open her heart fully to Jesus, was going to stay in her rut. Finally, she had cancer, did not have a good prognosis, then opened her heart to fully accept Jesus as her Savior. I struggled to see how hard she was trying because her bipolar roller coaster life blinded me. After one particularly hard day my body started to spasm, Brenda saw it, realized how hard she affects people. After that Brenda went to a health fair, talked with someone who said the medications she was on was not doing anything for her. Brenda went to work at getting the new medication and for a few weeks now she is much more stable, rational to talk to. Each time I wanted to let go, walk away from her God kept telling me I was not finished with being her friend. Yesterday, Brenda called me was rational for the 3rd, 4th time, was making well thought out decisions. I saw the woman at the well was much like Brenda, I thanked God for making me to stick with this huge undertaking. I learned again that we can't assume someone from another road of life is never going to come to the Lord. God placed me in Brenda's life, to be a friend, because He knew my friend would one day turn to Jesus and He wanted me to be the one to walk beside her. Today I am grateful God would not let me walk away from my friend, I also know as low as I felt much like the woman at the well, that there are others who need to meet Jesus. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
I focus a whole lot on the woman at the well, in the Bible. Jesus stopped to rest while the disciple's went into town to get food. A woman comes to the well at a time when most women did not because she was not accepted in the community do to the fact she was married 5 times, then living outside of marriage with a man. This tender act of Jesus to this woman warms my heart often as I think on it. I always feel like I was much like the woman at the well, unwanted, not of much use. After we moved to Virginia, Junior saw a young man walking down the train track day after day. Junior felt led by the Lord he was supposed to mentor him, teach him how to work so he could go get a job. One day the young man Jeremiah's mother stopped by our house to check on him. Jeremiah told his mother Brenda to visit me while he finished what he was doing, to talk woman talk. That was the start of our friendship. Right off I discovered we both knew the pain of abuse, struggled to get away from the craziness of our life. I shared my story, she shared hers, then Brenda began to hang out with me. I was newly retired, could hardly move off of the couch, stay awake so Brenda watched me fight back to a functioning life again. As I learned how to do housework, do a little each day instead of blocking out time to keep the house up, I had to move slower, break my work down into manageable time frames. Brenda watched me, I shared what I knew, mostly though it seemed to fall on deaf ears. After Jeremiah worked with Junior a couple of years, we told him we could no longer afford to pay him. After a couple of false starts, Jeremiah indeed found a job as an over the road truck driving job. He has been working for 5 years now, Brenda started to break away from us, then she found she could not stay away so we have been hanging out with both Junior and I for nine years. Brenda's lifestyle is not one I have ever known, she appears to be backwards yet I can hear a very intelligent woman as well. We have both grown learning to love each other, understanding the pain of abuse. After all these years, I almost felt she was never going to open her heart fully to Jesus, was going to stay in her rut. Finally, she had cancer, did not have a good prognosis, then opened her heart to fully accept Jesus as her Savior. I struggled to see how hard she was trying because her bipolar roller coaster life blinded me. After one particularly hard day my body started to spasm, Brenda saw it, realized how hard she affects people. After that Brenda went to a health fair, talked with someone who said the medications she was on was not doing anything for her. Brenda went to work at getting the new medication and for a few weeks now she is much more stable, rational to talk to. Each time I wanted to let go, walk away from her God kept telling me I was not finished with being her friend. Yesterday, Brenda called me was rational for the 3rd, 4th time, was making well thought out decisions. I saw the woman at the well was much like Brenda, I thanked God for making me to stick with this huge undertaking. I learned again that we can't assume someone from another road of life is never going to come to the Lord. God placed me in Brenda's life, to be a friend, because He knew my friend would one day turn to Jesus and He wanted me to be the one to walk beside her. Today I am grateful God would not let me walk away from my friend, I also know as low as I felt much like the woman at the well, that there are others who need to meet Jesus. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
April 17, 2018
Greetings My Friend,
As a person of faith in Jesus I find it difficult to ask how to cope with Parkinson's using my faith. I saw a lady who was searching for the reasons about her mental anguish along with her PD symptoms, I am sure my answer was deleted a couple of times. One time she was in so much spiritual pain I mentioned she should open her Bible, start reading it. I could have answered in her inbox although, I felt there may be others who are also searching. Many times when we are struck with hard to accept facts we find a need to turn to Jesus. Another time I told her I was praying in the name of Jesus and I am fairly sure this was deleted as well. I know there is a Buddhist in the group because when I told him I would pray to Jesus he mentioned that many people of many faiths tell him they pray for him. I thought saying I was praying for people meant to Jesus although many people pray to other gods than the one true God so I started saying I was praying to Jesus. I need my faith as I face my illness, it gives me the strength to handle the day to day struggles of life of my disease. As a believer I also want to share to hope of Jesus especially in times of great stress. Junior tells me I could keep mentioning Jesus until I get blocked from the sight, my thought is I would like the information I can get in regards to PD, real life situations makes it easier than reading through a ton of dry technical talk. I have also found some friends in the groups, some are followers of Jesus as well so we are able to talk off of the help group site. As I face my disease, daily life struggles I also want to share what I learn, if others are offended by my faith, my politics I find I no longer want to worry about stepping on someone's toes because it offends them. For sometime now I find I am rather offended by what by what I can't say, by what others said to me so I now want to say what I want to say. I feel I have connected a bit with all of those people who have wanted a change, knew we were being fed hogwash even though they were promising us what we wanted to hear. I also am hearing from older people who feel there aren't many years left so they want to say what they want to say. Many of us have come back to the faith we grew up with in the Christian nation we grew up in so we are fighting hard to get it back. I have a progressive disease, it may take many years for all of the stages of PD to progress, still my faith is what keeps me getting up in the morning, living my life as best as my body will let me, I learn all I can about how to be proactive with my disease much of my learning comes from my Savior, He will point me to short articles to read, sometimes I am directed to the Bible where I learn how good olive oil is for me or I grasp that generations of people lived without toothpaste so Jesus points me to do a search for ways to make my own toothpaste, even chewing on whole cloves can help clean my teeth although at present I brush them with baking soda and hydrogen peroxide which has whitened my teeth, I have had no cavities so Jesus has shown me that I don't need all the chemicals that is found in most everything we eat, drink. I can only do this in faith. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
As a person of faith in Jesus I find it difficult to ask how to cope with Parkinson's using my faith. I saw a lady who was searching for the reasons about her mental anguish along with her PD symptoms, I am sure my answer was deleted a couple of times. One time she was in so much spiritual pain I mentioned she should open her Bible, start reading it. I could have answered in her inbox although, I felt there may be others who are also searching. Many times when we are struck with hard to accept facts we find a need to turn to Jesus. Another time I told her I was praying in the name of Jesus and I am fairly sure this was deleted as well. I know there is a Buddhist in the group because when I told him I would pray to Jesus he mentioned that many people of many faiths tell him they pray for him. I thought saying I was praying for people meant to Jesus although many people pray to other gods than the one true God so I started saying I was praying to Jesus. I need my faith as I face my illness, it gives me the strength to handle the day to day struggles of life of my disease. As a believer I also want to share to hope of Jesus especially in times of great stress. Junior tells me I could keep mentioning Jesus until I get blocked from the sight, my thought is I would like the information I can get in regards to PD, real life situations makes it easier than reading through a ton of dry technical talk. I have also found some friends in the groups, some are followers of Jesus as well so we are able to talk off of the help group site. As I face my disease, daily life struggles I also want to share what I learn, if others are offended by my faith, my politics I find I no longer want to worry about stepping on someone's toes because it offends them. For sometime now I find I am rather offended by what by what I can't say, by what others said to me so I now want to say what I want to say. I feel I have connected a bit with all of those people who have wanted a change, knew we were being fed hogwash even though they were promising us what we wanted to hear. I also am hearing from older people who feel there aren't many years left so they want to say what they want to say. Many of us have come back to the faith we grew up with in the Christian nation we grew up in so we are fighting hard to get it back. I have a progressive disease, it may take many years for all of the stages of PD to progress, still my faith is what keeps me getting up in the morning, living my life as best as my body will let me, I learn all I can about how to be proactive with my disease much of my learning comes from my Savior, He will point me to short articles to read, sometimes I am directed to the Bible where I learn how good olive oil is for me or I grasp that generations of people lived without toothpaste so Jesus points me to do a search for ways to make my own toothpaste, even chewing on whole cloves can help clean my teeth although at present I brush them with baking soda and hydrogen peroxide which has whitened my teeth, I have had no cavities so Jesus has shown me that I don't need all the chemicals that is found in most everything we eat, drink. I can only do this in faith. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, April 14, 2018
April 14, 2018
Greetings My Friend,
I continue to relearn how important it is for me to be active so I am able to sleep at night. Tuesday after my nap, I got up made dinner, washed the dishes, since my neck was tight, my lower back was hurting I sat down. I did some exercises to relieve the tightness in my shoulders, put a heating pad on my lower back then I put magnesium oil on my shoulders which really helped relax them. It was getting near time for our TV program so I did some crocheting instead of finding some sort of activity like cleaning, dusting etc. At bed time I had a hard time falling asleep, I had the air diffuser on with lavender and cedar wood essential oils, I drank two cups of chamomile tea and I could not stay asleep finally I took a melatonin. After that I slept 4-5 hours, so I occupied myself with a cross stitch app, did my quiet time in the Word, still no sleep. By then I decided I wanted to take my medications along with eating my breakfast. Sleep still alluded me. My lesson from all of this is to make sure I am physically active for two hours in the morning, two hours after my nap. I would have needed to be on my feet another half an hour to an hour then I would have been able to get to sleep. When I miss my sleep, my legs start to spasm, once in awhile even my body will spasm. I have a medication that will help me with the spasms although I had taken melatonin I was leery of taking that medication. Through the years I have found ways to occupy myself in those wee hours of the night which I am grateful for. At first I watched TV, then I flitted around social media, finally I got my journal out to begin my morning quiet time routine. I knew sleep would come at some point so I took my medications, ate breakfast then began writing this blog. God has been teaching me how to deal with these awake moments, I found myself praying for people I know and around 9:00 am sleepiness came on. I only was able to sleep a couple of hours on and off throughout the day then I was tired at bedtime slept fairly well. At this point in my Parkinson's journey my disease is manageable I am able to keep our home in order, cook and do the dishes by hand. I am greatfull I am able to maintain my activity level with the help of an afternoon nap, my wakeful nights are infrequent of late. I am able to be active, to sleep most nights my symptoms do not appear all that much. As each stage progresses I know God will guide me so that I will be able to cope, to have the best quality of life I am able to have. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
I continue to relearn how important it is for me to be active so I am able to sleep at night. Tuesday after my nap, I got up made dinner, washed the dishes, since my neck was tight, my lower back was hurting I sat down. I did some exercises to relieve the tightness in my shoulders, put a heating pad on my lower back then I put magnesium oil on my shoulders which really helped relax them. It was getting near time for our TV program so I did some crocheting instead of finding some sort of activity like cleaning, dusting etc. At bed time I had a hard time falling asleep, I had the air diffuser on with lavender and cedar wood essential oils, I drank two cups of chamomile tea and I could not stay asleep finally I took a melatonin. After that I slept 4-5 hours, so I occupied myself with a cross stitch app, did my quiet time in the Word, still no sleep. By then I decided I wanted to take my medications along with eating my breakfast. Sleep still alluded me. My lesson from all of this is to make sure I am physically active for two hours in the morning, two hours after my nap. I would have needed to be on my feet another half an hour to an hour then I would have been able to get to sleep. When I miss my sleep, my legs start to spasm, once in awhile even my body will spasm. I have a medication that will help me with the spasms although I had taken melatonin I was leery of taking that medication. Through the years I have found ways to occupy myself in those wee hours of the night which I am grateful for. At first I watched TV, then I flitted around social media, finally I got my journal out to begin my morning quiet time routine. I knew sleep would come at some point so I took my medications, ate breakfast then began writing this blog. God has been teaching me how to deal with these awake moments, I found myself praying for people I know and around 9:00 am sleepiness came on. I only was able to sleep a couple of hours on and off throughout the day then I was tired at bedtime slept fairly well. At this point in my Parkinson's journey my disease is manageable I am able to keep our home in order, cook and do the dishes by hand. I am greatfull I am able to maintain my activity level with the help of an afternoon nap, my wakeful nights are infrequent of late. I am able to be active, to sleep most nights my symptoms do not appear all that much. As each stage progresses I know God will guide me so that I will be able to cope, to have the best quality of life I am able to have. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, April 12, 2018
April 12, 2018
Greetings My Friend,
Bradley and Dorothy were married for 55 years when he went home to the Lord last Friday. As I sat listening to their children tell about their Dad, I heard the love they had for him, the love they had for their parents. I have known Bradley for the nine years we have lived here in Virginia I could see the devotion to Dorothy, the love of God in his life, Dorothy's life. With my walker I did not go up to the casket at church since the side aisles would not accommodate my walker, the long line would be hard for me to stand in. We stayed for the meal afterwards though, when I walked by Dorothy after getting my food, she saw me, greeted me as a friend then we hugged. Throughout the whole day I kept meeting the comfort of Jesus in their lives in others lives. I was amazed, grateful at the same time. Ironically Bradley died of Parkinson's Disease a disease I have, another long time friend Dan was also there who has PD as well. In talking to PK Dan's wife, I found that Dan was struggling with Bradley's death, as I was. Both Bradley and Dan are/were further along in the disease process than I am, Bradley had the shakes real bad, Dan does not although he is hunching over because his spine is weakening, both Dan and Bradley shuffled. Going through the line getting my food I tripped over the walker wheels, Gary asked if he could help me, I turned him down because I knew I would be okay. Another sobering moment came to me, one day even the walker won't save me from falls. I had the privilege to sit at a table with an older gentleman who is in hospice care. He talked openly about what was happening in his body, he had a stroke, right after the stroke it was discovered he has melanoma, it is in his brain, he has a large lump on the base of his neck. The doctors wanted to do chemo, when he asked if it would shrink the tumors in his brain he was told it would not. The older gentleman whose name escapes me decided to not take chemo and let the disease take its course. As he talked openly about all of this I felt his peace. He and his wife have undertaken having a condo being built to their needs, mainly for his wife's needs since she will out live him. He wanted her taken care of, no stairs, everything on one floor, bedroom, laundry room. At this point I must say I have thought long and hard about my death. I looked back to Mom and Dad's dying, saw the difference in them. Dad died first, Dad was told right away his out look was rather bleak, although he did not grasp the fact for a few weeks. Once Dad grasped his end was near, he talked openly, honestly with us. We had a chance to make amends, a few times I told Dad that if he needed to go, we would take care of Mom. Dad said he was trying, he saw Grandpa which in my mind was Mom's dad. I felt Dad's peace which comforted me, at the end of Dad's life, I was holding him in my arms as the nurse was cleaning him. I felt peace, acceptance. Mom on the other hand asked for a pill to allow her to sleep until her end. At the end she was restless, we had a bedside service in which we told Mom what we loved about her. Afterwards my son Mike and I held her hand until her last breath. My heart wants to be like the gentleman at the funeral, like Dad's final days. It seems to me the people who walk close to Jesus tend to have an easier time letting go of this life, they have a hope where those who do not know Him struggle more to let go. As C. S Lewis once stated, he would rather believe there is a God and die to find there is no God than believe there is no God and die to find God is real. For me I believe in the power of Jesus' life, death and resurrection opening the door to a relationship with God. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Bradley and Dorothy were married for 55 years when he went home to the Lord last Friday. As I sat listening to their children tell about their Dad, I heard the love they had for him, the love they had for their parents. I have known Bradley for the nine years we have lived here in Virginia I could see the devotion to Dorothy, the love of God in his life, Dorothy's life. With my walker I did not go up to the casket at church since the side aisles would not accommodate my walker, the long line would be hard for me to stand in. We stayed for the meal afterwards though, when I walked by Dorothy after getting my food, she saw me, greeted me as a friend then we hugged. Throughout the whole day I kept meeting the comfort of Jesus in their lives in others lives. I was amazed, grateful at the same time. Ironically Bradley died of Parkinson's Disease a disease I have, another long time friend Dan was also there who has PD as well. In talking to PK Dan's wife, I found that Dan was struggling with Bradley's death, as I was. Both Bradley and Dan are/were further along in the disease process than I am, Bradley had the shakes real bad, Dan does not although he is hunching over because his spine is weakening, both Dan and Bradley shuffled. Going through the line getting my food I tripped over the walker wheels, Gary asked if he could help me, I turned him down because I knew I would be okay. Another sobering moment came to me, one day even the walker won't save me from falls. I had the privilege to sit at a table with an older gentleman who is in hospice care. He talked openly about what was happening in his body, he had a stroke, right after the stroke it was discovered he has melanoma, it is in his brain, he has a large lump on the base of his neck. The doctors wanted to do chemo, when he asked if it would shrink the tumors in his brain he was told it would not. The older gentleman whose name escapes me decided to not take chemo and let the disease take its course. As he talked openly about all of this I felt his peace. He and his wife have undertaken having a condo being built to their needs, mainly for his wife's needs since she will out live him. He wanted her taken care of, no stairs, everything on one floor, bedroom, laundry room. At this point I must say I have thought long and hard about my death. I looked back to Mom and Dad's dying, saw the difference in them. Dad died first, Dad was told right away his out look was rather bleak, although he did not grasp the fact for a few weeks. Once Dad grasped his end was near, he talked openly, honestly with us. We had a chance to make amends, a few times I told Dad that if he needed to go, we would take care of Mom. Dad said he was trying, he saw Grandpa which in my mind was Mom's dad. I felt Dad's peace which comforted me, at the end of Dad's life, I was holding him in my arms as the nurse was cleaning him. I felt peace, acceptance. Mom on the other hand asked for a pill to allow her to sleep until her end. At the end she was restless, we had a bedside service in which we told Mom what we loved about her. Afterwards my son Mike and I held her hand until her last breath. My heart wants to be like the gentleman at the funeral, like Dad's final days. It seems to me the people who walk close to Jesus tend to have an easier time letting go of this life, they have a hope where those who do not know Him struggle more to let go. As C. S Lewis once stated, he would rather believe there is a God and die to find there is no God than believe there is no God and die to find God is real. For me I believe in the power of Jesus' life, death and resurrection opening the door to a relationship with God. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
April 10, 2018
Greetings My Friend,
If my life before Jesus is any indication of what hell is like then I strive harder to give the gift of Jesus, desire not to be hell bound. My old life continues to show me the darkness of my heart, the deep sadness of pain, fear, anger, unforgiving, gossip. The more I remembered my hurt, the darker my life seemed to be, trying to get away from that life was difficult. We are taught to "tell" when we are abused, I told deaf ears. The first time I tried to leave my life of unhappiness, I was told to go back, the second time I was asked for money I did not have to support my children and myself. Both times I went back to the blackness of my life. After I went back the 2nd time I vowed to get an education, found a job in which I was able to grow into, move forward so the last time I left I was able to support myself and run as far away as I could from that life as I could. Through those dark years there moments of light, maybe things would change only to find myself back on that old cycle of anger, making up, evenness of life for a short while, then the cycle started over again. As I read the Bible today I ran across how God is light, life, Satan is darkness, death. In my reading I found myself learning that Satan is the god of this world, I am not always accepted because I choose God's light which then teaches me how to live in the light. First I learned Jesus came to cleanse me of my sins. As I walk through His life, death and resurrection I find His light filling in my heart, a strength to walk away from the darkness, the ability to be different than this world calls me to be. I liken this to the air purifiers we have, they filter the particles in the air that are not clean, I can see these on the filters as I vacuum them off the filters each week. The Holy Spirit is filtering my thoughts, convicting them then I find myself seeing the sin the hurtfulness in my life. I ask God to forgive my sins, I am cleansed because I love Jesus, all those years of looking at the horror of the cross teaches me the blood Jesus shed, which was a whole lot of blood by the time He was nailed to the cross, more shed up there on the cross and yes I am cleansed. The Holy Spirit's role in my life becomes clear, He points out those things that are harming my walk with Jesus, the things Father God hates, then when I ask to be forgiven, I then am taught how to walk away. I go back to my final leaving, on the way home from the 2nd leaving I heard a radio program, one of those talk to the doctor shows. The woman broad castor told the abused woman on the line, if she could endure it, get an education before she left so that she could support herself. That became my goal, the Holy Spirit's guidance, even though I was not walking fully with Jesus. Sometimes we need to take time to undo the sins of our past with the help of the Holy Spirit's guidance. It took another 20 years to find healing because I had to clean up 40 years of anger, hatred, unforgiving etc. I was made to look at each dirty thing, learned the harm it was doing then I learned the freedom of letting go, one tiny step at a time. I did not shut the door praying it would not be opened, I kept the door open looking at each thing as directed by the Holy Spirit. Today, I am free of the past sins in my life for the most part. The Holy Spirit will continue to filter me until the day I die and with each filtering I am set freer than I was with the last filter cleanse. It is difficult to be different, to be cleansed but so worth it. I am free, free at last because Jesus lived, died and rose from the dead for a sinner like me. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet.
If my life before Jesus is any indication of what hell is like then I strive harder to give the gift of Jesus, desire not to be hell bound. My old life continues to show me the darkness of my heart, the deep sadness of pain, fear, anger, unforgiving, gossip. The more I remembered my hurt, the darker my life seemed to be, trying to get away from that life was difficult. We are taught to "tell" when we are abused, I told deaf ears. The first time I tried to leave my life of unhappiness, I was told to go back, the second time I was asked for money I did not have to support my children and myself. Both times I went back to the blackness of my life. After I went back the 2nd time I vowed to get an education, found a job in which I was able to grow into, move forward so the last time I left I was able to support myself and run as far away as I could from that life as I could. Through those dark years there moments of light, maybe things would change only to find myself back on that old cycle of anger, making up, evenness of life for a short while, then the cycle started over again. As I read the Bible today I ran across how God is light, life, Satan is darkness, death. In my reading I found myself learning that Satan is the god of this world, I am not always accepted because I choose God's light which then teaches me how to live in the light. First I learned Jesus came to cleanse me of my sins. As I walk through His life, death and resurrection I find His light filling in my heart, a strength to walk away from the darkness, the ability to be different than this world calls me to be. I liken this to the air purifiers we have, they filter the particles in the air that are not clean, I can see these on the filters as I vacuum them off the filters each week. The Holy Spirit is filtering my thoughts, convicting them then I find myself seeing the sin the hurtfulness in my life. I ask God to forgive my sins, I am cleansed because I love Jesus, all those years of looking at the horror of the cross teaches me the blood Jesus shed, which was a whole lot of blood by the time He was nailed to the cross, more shed up there on the cross and yes I am cleansed. The Holy Spirit's role in my life becomes clear, He points out those things that are harming my walk with Jesus, the things Father God hates, then when I ask to be forgiven, I then am taught how to walk away. I go back to my final leaving, on the way home from the 2nd leaving I heard a radio program, one of those talk to the doctor shows. The woman broad castor told the abused woman on the line, if she could endure it, get an education before she left so that she could support herself. That became my goal, the Holy Spirit's guidance, even though I was not walking fully with Jesus. Sometimes we need to take time to undo the sins of our past with the help of the Holy Spirit's guidance. It took another 20 years to find healing because I had to clean up 40 years of anger, hatred, unforgiving etc. I was made to look at each dirty thing, learned the harm it was doing then I learned the freedom of letting go, one tiny step at a time. I did not shut the door praying it would not be opened, I kept the door open looking at each thing as directed by the Holy Spirit. Today, I am free of the past sins in my life for the most part. The Holy Spirit will continue to filter me until the day I die and with each filtering I am set freer than I was with the last filter cleanse. It is difficult to be different, to be cleansed but so worth it. I am free, free at last because Jesus lived, died and rose from the dead for a sinner like me. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet.
Saturday, April 7, 2018
April 7, 2018
Greetings My Friend,
God is keeping me flexible when I would rather give into being into a rigid life of routines. I feel safe when I am doing my weekly routines, making time to bake, exercise. I woke up late Tuesday, had very little time to spend in quiet time with God. Brenda came along for the ride, helped Junior drive the truck so he could take Cato to the Vet. Cato was anxious riding in the truck, Junior sat in the back seat comforting this giant dog. We got home in time to take a very short nap before heading to church to fellowship with the Georgia mission team that came to help with a sister church our church sponsors. Trammel church is in disrepair, the membership is dying off, new members are not coming in so this Georgia team has been coming to help revitalize the church building, reach out to the community. They stay at our church during the week then travel over to Trammel church to work, reach out to the neighborhood. This time our church came to worship with them for 3 nights. I am grateful we went each night, the lessons were awesome, thanking the mission team was a blessing and fellowshipping with members of my own church was encouraging. I had to nap longer the other two days, I was not able to get to all of my housework I try to do done. Friday when the mission team started heading back to Georgia, I enjoyed being at home immersed in my routines. My energy started to return, I had energy to do a few extra things in the evening so my missed work has begun to get caught up. God reminds me my soul is in need of being fed just as my mind and body needs to be challenged. I had to sleep more during the day so I could got have energy to hangout during the evening worship, fellowship time. That too was good, I was able to absorb the lessons that were taught. I was ministered to when I had a panic attack, made a new friend who has started coming to our church, was able to speak encouragement to a dear friend only to be grateful this weeks routines were indeed disrupted. God encouraged me to push past my desire to stay home and be comfortable. We needed Brenda's help since I no longer drive, she loved helping us out, even attended one night of the services with us. I shared with people how far Brenda has come from nine years ago when we first met her and her son. It has been a good week, tiring for sure although the wonderful gifts I have received was worth the push to be there. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
God is keeping me flexible when I would rather give into being into a rigid life of routines. I feel safe when I am doing my weekly routines, making time to bake, exercise. I woke up late Tuesday, had very little time to spend in quiet time with God. Brenda came along for the ride, helped Junior drive the truck so he could take Cato to the Vet. Cato was anxious riding in the truck, Junior sat in the back seat comforting this giant dog. We got home in time to take a very short nap before heading to church to fellowship with the Georgia mission team that came to help with a sister church our church sponsors. Trammel church is in disrepair, the membership is dying off, new members are not coming in so this Georgia team has been coming to help revitalize the church building, reach out to the community. They stay at our church during the week then travel over to Trammel church to work, reach out to the neighborhood. This time our church came to worship with them for 3 nights. I am grateful we went each night, the lessons were awesome, thanking the mission team was a blessing and fellowshipping with members of my own church was encouraging. I had to nap longer the other two days, I was not able to get to all of my housework I try to do done. Friday when the mission team started heading back to Georgia, I enjoyed being at home immersed in my routines. My energy started to return, I had energy to do a few extra things in the evening so my missed work has begun to get caught up. God reminds me my soul is in need of being fed just as my mind and body needs to be challenged. I had to sleep more during the day so I could got have energy to hangout during the evening worship, fellowship time. That too was good, I was able to absorb the lessons that were taught. I was ministered to when I had a panic attack, made a new friend who has started coming to our church, was able to speak encouragement to a dear friend only to be grateful this weeks routines were indeed disrupted. God encouraged me to push past my desire to stay home and be comfortable. We needed Brenda's help since I no longer drive, she loved helping us out, even attended one night of the services with us. I shared with people how far Brenda has come from nine years ago when we first met her and her son. It has been a good week, tiring for sure although the wonderful gifts I have received was worth the push to be there. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, April 5, 2018
April 5, 2018
Greetings My Friend,
For the longest time I was a nail bitter. Once I learned to journal in English 101 I began a life long endeavor of writing my thoughts down, through the years I found myself having a desire to change a bad habit, I often wrote about this, then made a statement I wanted to quit. This was how I quit biting my nails. In place of biting my nails I began to pick my cuticles raw which began another journey, this one took me another 20 years to quit. But that is another story. In recent years I learned away to journal my Bible study time. First I write out what is on my mind, this has been very helpful because next I write to God telling Him what I discovered what was on my mind, somehow it turns into a prayer. In past years writing all my thoughts could take me pages, more often than not I did not resolve my problems. Having other topics to journal has helped me write my thoughts, many times I talk about what I did the day before, sometimes I talk about a concern like before I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease I could not find a way to balance my day as my energy kept waning, my legs were giving out, exercising kept getting harder and so on. I wrote those thoughts out, then asked for God to help me find out what was wrong, how to manage my day. At one point I had an ear infection, the doctor wanted to put me into Vestibular therapy to help with my balance issues. The VT therapy gave me a few ladies who began helping me learn about chronic illnesses. I told them how I tried to keep going by working five minutes, resting a few minutes before I worked again. I was told to rest longer, that helped me tremendously. Today I work for two hours, nap for two hours then wake up and work another two hours. This helps me get housework done, tires me out again so I am able to sleep at night. Eventually I got the diagnosis of PD, once I had that diagnosis I was able to learn exercises that helped me instead of hinder me. God has guided me as I wrote, prayed and studied the Bible. I learned from Junior doing squats is a very good foundation exercise, I started with two hand grips Junior put on a door frame to the hallway. Soon I was incorporating squats doing housework, petting the dogs, as I felt stronger I started what I call going in search of kindling for the wood stove we have. When I was outside searching for kindling my legs strengthened more as I did squats, while picking up twigs. I started finding tree limbs that had fallen on our property, so I drug them to where Junior cuts up the wood for the stove. The dragging is from the back of our property to the back porch area, maybe an acre or more. The walk and dragging has increased my aerobic workout, at times I need to stretch above or while in a squatting position which was stretching my torso, making my shoulders work has also strengthened me considerably. My journal entries also allow me to look back, 10 years ago right after I retired, chronic fatigued plagued me to the point I could hardly stay awake. Fourteen years ago I had radiation for breast cancer, I believe that is when my problems started, I wound up retiring before the planned retirement age of 59 to the age of 54 which was five years earlier than I wanted to. Each year after radiation I grew more tired, I struggled with brain fog, forgetting what I had known for 20 years at times. Once I retired, I continued to decline, discovered I had sleep apnea, allergy induced allergies, for several years I kept getting bronchitis because we moved south to Virginia, near the Kentucky, Tennessee border which triggered my allergies even more than in Michigan. I had walked for years, I solve a lot of life's problems as I walk, the last year I worked I needed to nap instead of walking. I have with God's help, by journaling my life began a tiny step by tiny step to recovery. Journaling pointed me to watch TV, do housework during commercials, then I went into VT and finally a diagnosis. Once I got the PD medication which for now is replacing dopamine in my brain, I have been able to stretch further with exercise. My goal is by strengthening myself, I may be able to stay healthy for a longer period of time before the medication will stop working at replacing the dopamine. I have with God's guidance researched for ways to replace dopamine naturally, like fish oil and salmon along with other supplements and foods. By doing this I believe I will be able to increase my ability to stay strong, healthy and be as able bodied as I can for as long as I can. This journey has been difficult, long, I pray I can still increase some more but if not, that is okay. Without God, I would still need a wheelchair when shopping, today I do more, live fairly well even if I need a daily two hour nap. God is my help, my strength, my comfort. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
For the longest time I was a nail bitter. Once I learned to journal in English 101 I began a life long endeavor of writing my thoughts down, through the years I found myself having a desire to change a bad habit, I often wrote about this, then made a statement I wanted to quit. This was how I quit biting my nails. In place of biting my nails I began to pick my cuticles raw which began another journey, this one took me another 20 years to quit. But that is another story. In recent years I learned away to journal my Bible study time. First I write out what is on my mind, this has been very helpful because next I write to God telling Him what I discovered what was on my mind, somehow it turns into a prayer. In past years writing all my thoughts could take me pages, more often than not I did not resolve my problems. Having other topics to journal has helped me write my thoughts, many times I talk about what I did the day before, sometimes I talk about a concern like before I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease I could not find a way to balance my day as my energy kept waning, my legs were giving out, exercising kept getting harder and so on. I wrote those thoughts out, then asked for God to help me find out what was wrong, how to manage my day. At one point I had an ear infection, the doctor wanted to put me into Vestibular therapy to help with my balance issues. The VT therapy gave me a few ladies who began helping me learn about chronic illnesses. I told them how I tried to keep going by working five minutes, resting a few minutes before I worked again. I was told to rest longer, that helped me tremendously. Today I work for two hours, nap for two hours then wake up and work another two hours. This helps me get housework done, tires me out again so I am able to sleep at night. Eventually I got the diagnosis of PD, once I had that diagnosis I was able to learn exercises that helped me instead of hinder me. God has guided me as I wrote, prayed and studied the Bible. I learned from Junior doing squats is a very good foundation exercise, I started with two hand grips Junior put on a door frame to the hallway. Soon I was incorporating squats doing housework, petting the dogs, as I felt stronger I started what I call going in search of kindling for the wood stove we have. When I was outside searching for kindling my legs strengthened more as I did squats, while picking up twigs. I started finding tree limbs that had fallen on our property, so I drug them to where Junior cuts up the wood for the stove. The dragging is from the back of our property to the back porch area, maybe an acre or more. The walk and dragging has increased my aerobic workout, at times I need to stretch above or while in a squatting position which was stretching my torso, making my shoulders work has also strengthened me considerably. My journal entries also allow me to look back, 10 years ago right after I retired, chronic fatigued plagued me to the point I could hardly stay awake. Fourteen years ago I had radiation for breast cancer, I believe that is when my problems started, I wound up retiring before the planned retirement age of 59 to the age of 54 which was five years earlier than I wanted to. Each year after radiation I grew more tired, I struggled with brain fog, forgetting what I had known for 20 years at times. Once I retired, I continued to decline, discovered I had sleep apnea, allergy induced allergies, for several years I kept getting bronchitis because we moved south to Virginia, near the Kentucky, Tennessee border which triggered my allergies even more than in Michigan. I had walked for years, I solve a lot of life's problems as I walk, the last year I worked I needed to nap instead of walking. I have with God's help, by journaling my life began a tiny step by tiny step to recovery. Journaling pointed me to watch TV, do housework during commercials, then I went into VT and finally a diagnosis. Once I got the PD medication which for now is replacing dopamine in my brain, I have been able to stretch further with exercise. My goal is by strengthening myself, I may be able to stay healthy for a longer period of time before the medication will stop working at replacing the dopamine. I have with God's guidance researched for ways to replace dopamine naturally, like fish oil and salmon along with other supplements and foods. By doing this I believe I will be able to increase my ability to stay strong, healthy and be as able bodied as I can for as long as I can. This journey has been difficult, long, I pray I can still increase some more but if not, that is okay. Without God, I would still need a wheelchair when shopping, today I do more, live fairly well even if I need a daily two hour nap. God is my help, my strength, my comfort. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
April 3, 2018
Greetings my Friend,
Sometimes all you need is encouragement to take the next step, to let go of hurt, anger, even to draw closer to God. Two times of encouragement came both allowing me to let go of the pain of abuse in my life. The first time I was in my 20's trying to deal with anger and at the same time wanting to love my Dad who was my abuser. I recalled lot's of times being slugged for to me no reason. I recalled being slapped so severely my head shook from side to side for sucking my thumb. Those slaps continued throughout my childhood at times I truly had no idea what I had done wrong I wanted to make Dad happy only I had no clue how. When I first entered into counseling I was told that what I experienced was not that bad. That statement did not help the deep pain I had which made me feel the pain even more so, I wanted someone to hear me. Finally I entered into counseling with someone who heard what I was saying, then slowly I began the process of forgiving, understanding the pressure my Dad was under. He left home at 14 never to return do the abuse he dealt with at home. To add to Dad's anger he had polio in his early 20's, I was 4 at that time. Dad's anger was deeper afterwards. As I learned to forgive Dad, I started to see to understand his anger which allowed me to let go to forgive. Dad never moved past that adolescent behavior of potty humor, of "you can't make me" etc. Then the polio deepened his anger because he no longer was a bread winner for the family. Mom and Dad worked out a system where Mom worked as the main bread winner, Dad after he learned to walk again started to find work earning much less than Mom, he also became our caregiver. I always respected my parents, the battle that polio brought into their lives, I also longed for encouragement, nurturing. No one taught me how to brush my teeth, told me I needed to shower on a regular basis. I was made to do chores because the family needed all of us to share the load. Next I married a man much like my Dad, who also had a lot of Mom's traits. He was angry, would not help me with the children, especially a young son who was struggling to hear, to talk. He also vented his anger like Dad did, with his fists, for me, I believed that men were always angry so I for a long time I accepted that anger. One day my ex fought with me to get a job, I did to his determent because as I began being out in the world more around other women, I learned what I had tolerated for so long was abuse, I observed women who were respected, valued for their input did not tolerate being put down, punched. It took me 20 long years to get away from this craziness. Counseling, growing in my career and finally after I left my faith walk began to take me further into wholeness. I continued with counseling, went to Divorce Recovery, Single Point for a minute because I had met my Mr. Wonderful, Junior. He took me on when I was still in deep pain, insisted I learn to pray for my ex then we took all kinds of relationship classes. This past year I had that one person who came beside me and said "Janet, I hate that you had to deal with all that junk." She is my Pastor's wife, she understood the depth of pain, the good intentions of people who want to direct me away from the abuse. When Jenny made this statement to me I unloaded some of the goriest of details that I have needed to unload. She listened, she understood and then when I was spent we hugged. I no longer need to justify in my mind all that was done to me because someone understood. As I was doing my daily read through the Bible in a year, I jotted down Scripture, first the OT, then Psalms and then the NT. When I went back to reread those passages so I could clear my mind and allow the Holy Spirit's voice speak to me, I found myself writing the following "Remember the church needs uplifting so they each one has encouragement and strength to do the work God calls each one to do." I sense I am learning encouragement need not only be for ministry it could mean to visit people who are ill, at home. They may be prayer warriors who need word of others in the church family so they can pray for the church, that ministry is important. The caregiver may need outside fellowship so they can care for the one who is homebound. They may need a time out from time to time so encouragement could be to take time with the loved one. Encouragement means to all the church not just the building where you worship with other believers. If the church loves those within the church the world will begin to notice the difference, maybe want to be in the family of God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Sometimes all you need is encouragement to take the next step, to let go of hurt, anger, even to draw closer to God. Two times of encouragement came both allowing me to let go of the pain of abuse in my life. The first time I was in my 20's trying to deal with anger and at the same time wanting to love my Dad who was my abuser. I recalled lot's of times being slugged for to me no reason. I recalled being slapped so severely my head shook from side to side for sucking my thumb. Those slaps continued throughout my childhood at times I truly had no idea what I had done wrong I wanted to make Dad happy only I had no clue how. When I first entered into counseling I was told that what I experienced was not that bad. That statement did not help the deep pain I had which made me feel the pain even more so, I wanted someone to hear me. Finally I entered into counseling with someone who heard what I was saying, then slowly I began the process of forgiving, understanding the pressure my Dad was under. He left home at 14 never to return do the abuse he dealt with at home. To add to Dad's anger he had polio in his early 20's, I was 4 at that time. Dad's anger was deeper afterwards. As I learned to forgive Dad, I started to see to understand his anger which allowed me to let go to forgive. Dad never moved past that adolescent behavior of potty humor, of "you can't make me" etc. Then the polio deepened his anger because he no longer was a bread winner for the family. Mom and Dad worked out a system where Mom worked as the main bread winner, Dad after he learned to walk again started to find work earning much less than Mom, he also became our caregiver. I always respected my parents, the battle that polio brought into their lives, I also longed for encouragement, nurturing. No one taught me how to brush my teeth, told me I needed to shower on a regular basis. I was made to do chores because the family needed all of us to share the load. Next I married a man much like my Dad, who also had a lot of Mom's traits. He was angry, would not help me with the children, especially a young son who was struggling to hear, to talk. He also vented his anger like Dad did, with his fists, for me, I believed that men were always angry so I for a long time I accepted that anger. One day my ex fought with me to get a job, I did to his determent because as I began being out in the world more around other women, I learned what I had tolerated for so long was abuse, I observed women who were respected, valued for their input did not tolerate being put down, punched. It took me 20 long years to get away from this craziness. Counseling, growing in my career and finally after I left my faith walk began to take me further into wholeness. I continued with counseling, went to Divorce Recovery, Single Point for a minute because I had met my Mr. Wonderful, Junior. He took me on when I was still in deep pain, insisted I learn to pray for my ex then we took all kinds of relationship classes. This past year I had that one person who came beside me and said "Janet, I hate that you had to deal with all that junk." She is my Pastor's wife, she understood the depth of pain, the good intentions of people who want to direct me away from the abuse. When Jenny made this statement to me I unloaded some of the goriest of details that I have needed to unload. She listened, she understood and then when I was spent we hugged. I no longer need to justify in my mind all that was done to me because someone understood. As I was doing my daily read through the Bible in a year, I jotted down Scripture, first the OT, then Psalms and then the NT. When I went back to reread those passages so I could clear my mind and allow the Holy Spirit's voice speak to me, I found myself writing the following "Remember the church needs uplifting so they each one has encouragement and strength to do the work God calls each one to do." I sense I am learning encouragement need not only be for ministry it could mean to visit people who are ill, at home. They may be prayer warriors who need word of others in the church family so they can pray for the church, that ministry is important. The caregiver may need outside fellowship so they can care for the one who is homebound. They may need a time out from time to time so encouragement could be to take time with the loved one. Encouragement means to all the church not just the building where you worship with other believers. If the church loves those within the church the world will begin to notice the difference, maybe want to be in the family of God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
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