April 3, 2018

Greetings my Friend,

Sometimes all you need is encouragement to take the next step, to let go of hurt, anger, even to draw closer to God. Two times of encouragement came both allowing me to let go of the pain of abuse in my life. The first time I was in my 20's trying to deal with anger and at the same time wanting to love my Dad who was my abuser. I recalled lot's of times being slugged for to me no reason. I recalled being slapped so severely my head shook from side to side for sucking my thumb. Those slaps continued throughout my childhood at times I truly had no idea what I had done wrong I wanted to make Dad happy only I had no clue how. When I first entered into counseling I was told that what I experienced was not that bad. That statement did not help the deep pain I had which made me feel the pain even more so, I wanted someone to hear me. Finally I entered into counseling with someone who heard what I was saying, then slowly I began the process of forgiving, understanding the pressure my Dad was under. He left home at 14 never to return do the abuse he dealt with at home. To add to Dad's anger he had polio in his early 20's, I was 4 at that time. Dad's anger was deeper afterwards. As I learned to forgive Dad, I started to see to understand his anger which allowed me to let go to forgive. Dad never moved past that adolescent behavior of potty humor, of "you can't make me" etc. Then the polio deepened his anger because he no longer was a bread winner for the family. Mom and Dad worked out a system where Mom worked as the main bread winner, Dad after he learned to walk again started to find work earning much less than Mom, he also became our caregiver. I always respected my parents, the battle that polio brought into their lives, I also longed for encouragement, nurturing. No one taught me how to brush my teeth, told me I needed to shower on a regular basis. I was made to do chores because the family needed all of us to share the load. Next I married a man much like my Dad, who also had a lot of Mom's traits. He was angry, would not help me with the children, especially a young son who was struggling to hear, to talk. He also vented his anger like Dad did, with his fists, for me, I believed that men were always angry so I for a long time I accepted that anger. One day my ex fought with me to get a job, I did to his determent because as I began being out in the world more around other women, I learned what I had tolerated for so long was abuse, I observed women who were respected, valued for their input did not tolerate being put down, punched. It took me 20 long years to get away from this craziness. Counseling, growing in my career and finally after I left my faith walk began to take me further into wholeness. I continued with counseling, went to Divorce Recovery, Single Point for a minute because I had met my Mr. Wonderful, Junior. He took me on when I was still in deep pain, insisted I learn to pray for my ex then we took all kinds of relationship classes. This past year I had that one person who came beside me and said "Janet, I hate that you had to deal with all that junk." She is my Pastor's wife, she understood the depth of pain, the good intentions of people who want to direct me away from the abuse. When Jenny made this statement to me I unloaded some of the goriest of details that I have needed to unload. She listened, she understood and then when I was spent we hugged. I no longer need to justify in my mind all that was done to me because someone understood. As I was doing my daily read through the Bible in a year, I jotted down Scripture, first the OT, then Psalms and then the NT. When I went back to reread those passages so I could clear my mind and allow the Holy Spirit's voice speak to me, I found myself writing the following "Remember the church needs uplifting so they each one has encouragement and strength to do the work God calls each one to do." I sense I am learning encouragement need not only be for ministry it could mean to visit people who are ill, at home. They may be prayer warriors who need word of others in the church family so they can pray for the church, that ministry is important. The caregiver may need outside fellowship so they can care for the one who is homebound. They may need a time out from time to time so encouragement could be to take time with the loved one. Encouragement means to all the church not just the building where you worship with other believers. If the church loves those within the church the world will begin to notice the difference, maybe want to be in the family of God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet