Greetings My Friend,
When I was first divorced I wanted revenge for all the pain I endured. I did not help myself when I gave into my anger a few times but with prayers asking for God to be with my ex, my anger soon settled, the need for revenge disappeared. Through the years I heard of the struggles my ex has had and I realized that God is working out the wrongs I did and the wrongs my ex did. God was teaching me that He will take care of the wrongs that have been too me, He also taught me that I need to look at my part of the problem since I too was hurtful at times. For me it was much the same I learned in Divorce Recovery, I needed to look at my part of the problem for the failed marriage and I did own a piece of the problem. I wanted to be the victim, I was the victim but at the end of the day I was also part of the problem. At first I learned that I allowed what was done to me, even if I did not know how to make it all stop. I also worked on that problem too, I went through counseling on and off, applied what I learned as much as I could, I also allowed his anger to get the best of me and I fought with him. Many years later I realized I am the type of person who will get stubborn get an attitude of "you can't make me" as I discovered my faults I took them to God and He taught me to let go of my anger, fear and anxiety. Without God's help this marriage would not have worked out as well as it has because God has taught me to be what Junior needs instead of demanding that my needs be met. Today I am not as likely to use words to tear Junior apart when he hurts my feelings I am more likely to go to prayer asking God to help me say what needs to be said, for my eyes to be opened t o what Junior's need is. When we have a problem I am able to talk upfront with Junior, tell him I am at the end of my rope and he listens. We struggled for awhile this past summer with Junior's anger flaring. I had started mentioning he may want to get a stronger dose of his depression medication, he refused until one day I told him that I was at my limit. I was pushed to the point of arguing with him instead of walking away. The thing I love about Junior is he hears me when I state how I feel firmly. Shortly after that he allowed his doctor to increase his medication and several months later, he is so much easier to talk to, to love and to deal with. I understand that he has PTSD, that being a man his anger is the "fear" he has to deal with.I also know he will not strike me but his blowing up over the littlest things can still be a challenge for me. God has taught me to stand my ground in a less reactionary way which helps us. Junior knew when I spoke to him that I was at the end of my rope of understanding. He then heard me got the help he needed. All the counseling, the relationship classes we took and being in the Word of God has trained me to fight fairly, to not allow someone to hurt me. I am grateful for these lessons that God fined tuned for me. I am a better wife this time around and I am grateful for God's leadership in my life. As far as my ex, it no longer matters to me how his life has turned out, I hear enough that he has not changed that much, I am sad for him but it is his choice. It truly is between him and God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Thursday, December 28, 2017
December 28, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
Christmas Eve and Christmas morning I checked Facebook and the help sights. The holiday's are hard on people who are grieving ones who died recently and ones who have died through the years. Along with the grieving are people who are in physical pain from their various chronic health problems then the grief of being alone hurts. As I saw post after post of those struggling my heart went out to each of them. I know the lonely feelings of not being around family gatherings, the struggle to work up the energy to go to church, to day to day life. I found myself offering prayers then posted a reminder about those that struggle. As I write it is extremely cold, my hand aches from the cold, and at the same time I am grateful for the heat we have. We keep our propane heat set under 70, the wood burner stove pushes the heat to 70 - 73 degree's and I am grateful for the heat. The propane heat is comfortable compared to the forced air heat we had in Michigan and warmer than the heat pump we had put in to find out we really don't like it. I am grateful for our system we have in place, we don't depend on the power grid for heat. I think of those without heat, some with no roof over their head, more sadness and suffering. My heart goes to prayer for the sick, the lost, the homeless. Sometimes I don't think my prayers are enough until God starts to answer those prayers then I realize my praying for people on Facebook is a ministry I can do at home, I can pray for the homeless, those in assisted living and my heart begins to fill up with love. Sometimes people tell me they are praying for me, I feel honored, thankful for the prayers. For 20 years I have prayed for my son to forgive the dysfunction of his growing up. God has shown me several times I was not an awful parent, I tried, even his Dad tried even though we had struggles. This Christmas Season he has settled down, found his soul mate and the anger I heard for so long is gone. What a great Christmas present that is. Just as it took me 20 years to heal from the abuse I endured for 40 years, it took 20 years for my son to heal. God heard my prayers and I am blessed. He is working on coming to see me in the next year, I pray he makes it out to Virginia. If I was going to heal I had to get away from Michigan, God placed on my and Junior's heart to move, we chose Virginia because my sister moved here with her husband, he was from this area we live in. Christmas Eve, I felt completely settled, loved and wanted by our church family. They have loved us from the start, part of the settled feeling was God has been showing me how much healing He has done the past 20 years. I am ever grateful for the long hard road healing has been because I see how strong I truly am at the same time my strength is not from me but from God. God showed me how much He loves me, how much Junior loves me and my sister's and brother's in faith love me, some at church, in the community and many online. Just as God has been working on me He has been working on my son so at the right time we can be friends again.This Christmas will be one of those Christmas' I will remember for years. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Christmas Eve and Christmas morning I checked Facebook and the help sights. The holiday's are hard on people who are grieving ones who died recently and ones who have died through the years. Along with the grieving are people who are in physical pain from their various chronic health problems then the grief of being alone hurts. As I saw post after post of those struggling my heart went out to each of them. I know the lonely feelings of not being around family gatherings, the struggle to work up the energy to go to church, to day to day life. I found myself offering prayers then posted a reminder about those that struggle. As I write it is extremely cold, my hand aches from the cold, and at the same time I am grateful for the heat we have. We keep our propane heat set under 70, the wood burner stove pushes the heat to 70 - 73 degree's and I am grateful for the heat. The propane heat is comfortable compared to the forced air heat we had in Michigan and warmer than the heat pump we had put in to find out we really don't like it. I am grateful for our system we have in place, we don't depend on the power grid for heat. I think of those without heat, some with no roof over their head, more sadness and suffering. My heart goes to prayer for the sick, the lost, the homeless. Sometimes I don't think my prayers are enough until God starts to answer those prayers then I realize my praying for people on Facebook is a ministry I can do at home, I can pray for the homeless, those in assisted living and my heart begins to fill up with love. Sometimes people tell me they are praying for me, I feel honored, thankful for the prayers. For 20 years I have prayed for my son to forgive the dysfunction of his growing up. God has shown me several times I was not an awful parent, I tried, even his Dad tried even though we had struggles. This Christmas Season he has settled down, found his soul mate and the anger I heard for so long is gone. What a great Christmas present that is. Just as it took me 20 years to heal from the abuse I endured for 40 years, it took 20 years for my son to heal. God heard my prayers and I am blessed. He is working on coming to see me in the next year, I pray he makes it out to Virginia. If I was going to heal I had to get away from Michigan, God placed on my and Junior's heart to move, we chose Virginia because my sister moved here with her husband, he was from this area we live in. Christmas Eve, I felt completely settled, loved and wanted by our church family. They have loved us from the start, part of the settled feeling was God has been showing me how much healing He has done the past 20 years. I am ever grateful for the long hard road healing has been because I see how strong I truly am at the same time my strength is not from me but from God. God showed me how much He loves me, how much Junior loves me and my sister's and brother's in faith love me, some at church, in the community and many online. Just as God has been working on me He has been working on my son so at the right time we can be friends again.This Christmas will be one of those Christmas' I will remember for years. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, December 26, 2017
December 26, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
As I was leaving the work world entering into retirement I was stopped several times by various coworkers and told that I would be sorely missed. I was told about my upbeat attitude, my friendly manner and how hard of a worker I was. Those sentiments surprised me and to be honest they felt rather nice. I worked various jobs prior to the bank I retired from after 20 years. I was attempting to get back into the work force since I quit work with my first child to stay home until I had hoped when she was older maybe high school. I basically stayed home until my son was in kindgarden. Prior to that I had a couple of part time jobs, my son needed extra help due to him having fluid in his ears, his hearing was not good unless tubes were in his ears and his speech was not where it needed to be until he had his first tubes put in at age 3. The bank is where I grew the most, I was able to see women handle their lives so I read all kinds of things on how to dress for success, tried to be a good productive worker for my employer. I had taken a few college classes and learned to "fake it till you make it." After I began a serious faith journey I learned about Agape love, so I attempted to seek my fellow coworkers highest good instead of tying reach the top of the corporate ladder. At the end of the day I was grateful that my ex husband insisted that I go back to work, he never did respect me wanting to be home with our children. I found respect at work which helped. When I met Junior I was recently divorced, wore out and trying to figure out how to be single, be a single mother to my young adult children. I remember feeling exhausted as I began a new life with a new husband, I was a new grandmother five and 8 months after I was married. Grandma was such a strange word when the girls were born, I knew about being an aunt but I soon grew to like being a grandmother although I was still wore out. Six years after we were married I had breast cancer, Junior had to retire, his back gave out and he could no longer handle the job he did. He worked 37 years as an amputee in a chemical factory lifting heavy things which did not help his back. As I reached retirement, I was not able to walk the parking structure up then down again more than a day or 2 during the week. I needed to take a nap in my car before going back to work and I was only 54. This June I will be retired for 10 years, I am finally feeling I am able to function. I have learned to manage my time, take naps as I need them without worrying I am letting others down. I say "no" to most activities that require a commitment and finally having a diagnosis of Parkinson's Disease with the right medications has also given me some of my energy. I also have finally with God's help settled the pain of abuse in my life and I am able to not be fearful, over silly things trying to cope with the pain I had and allowed others to enjoy who I am without fear. I was just starting to see the full picture when I went in for my routine hair appointment last week. I had made some Mod Podge vases ( I thought but the girls are using them for a tip jar) for the girls at the hair dresser's. It was at that moment "I got it," Shantel hugged me like I was the most important person in her life so did Brittany when she finished with her customer and was ready to start with me. Brenda offered to take me, my Brenda who I love and have ministered to who also takes me all over the place emotionally volunteered to drive me around due to Junior going to visit a sick friend in Ohio. Brenda drove our van, she has not worked much in her life, her mother kept her to tightly under her wing, when she died Brenda has not known how to cope with life. Junior took her son under his wing teaching him how to work since he had not worked and was in his 20's. At that point we met Brenda, we helped her out the best we could then one day we told her we had done all we could. Afterward's Brenda and I talked through texts and phone calls, I helped her cope with 2 bouts of breast cancer and I even have seen her growing in her faith. Recently God showed me that I need to relate to Brenda as a 19 year old even though she is 60 which helps me not to get aggravated with her. Brenda and I enjoyed our day together as she took me to get my haircut, then to Food City and back to the house where we visited for a bit before she headed home again. When I went into my quiet time the next morning God showed me how much I am loved as He pointed me to review the previous day, then God once more showed me how much work I have done with His hand guiding me on being healed from abuse, anger and fear. He showed me Junior's patience as I grew from being over silly, talking way too much and needing to be moving a mile a minute even though it exhausted me. I was abused for 40 years, it took 20 years to heal and I now can see the woman God has grown me to be, a wonderful woman that is smart, loveable and accepted as she is. God told us to move to Virginia, it was here where I did the most growing, was loved as the woman I am, even accepted in my silly state, given love without jumping through hoops and given the room to discover "me". In the midst of all of this I was shown how I am ministering to different people in my own unique ways, at the doctor's and hairdresser's I am liked and they look forward to my coming in. I am able to be silly, lightening their days with joy as some days some of the people they deal with are rather grumpy and not fun to handle. I am a friend to someone who is more on the fringe of society. I accept her, love her and show her how to do many things like clean house, be dependable. I told Brenda upfront to not say she will take me and not show up. She does that and Brenda rose to the challenge. God does heal us, sometimes it is not a snap of the fingers healing but it happens one step at a time, for me 20 years. I also know that I will be learning all kinds of things until I go home to God and I am looking forward to where my journey will take me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
As I was leaving the work world entering into retirement I was stopped several times by various coworkers and told that I would be sorely missed. I was told about my upbeat attitude, my friendly manner and how hard of a worker I was. Those sentiments surprised me and to be honest they felt rather nice. I worked various jobs prior to the bank I retired from after 20 years. I was attempting to get back into the work force since I quit work with my first child to stay home until I had hoped when she was older maybe high school. I basically stayed home until my son was in kindgarden. Prior to that I had a couple of part time jobs, my son needed extra help due to him having fluid in his ears, his hearing was not good unless tubes were in his ears and his speech was not where it needed to be until he had his first tubes put in at age 3. The bank is where I grew the most, I was able to see women handle their lives so I read all kinds of things on how to dress for success, tried to be a good productive worker for my employer. I had taken a few college classes and learned to "fake it till you make it." After I began a serious faith journey I learned about Agape love, so I attempted to seek my fellow coworkers highest good instead of tying reach the top of the corporate ladder. At the end of the day I was grateful that my ex husband insisted that I go back to work, he never did respect me wanting to be home with our children. I found respect at work which helped. When I met Junior I was recently divorced, wore out and trying to figure out how to be single, be a single mother to my young adult children. I remember feeling exhausted as I began a new life with a new husband, I was a new grandmother five and 8 months after I was married. Grandma was such a strange word when the girls were born, I knew about being an aunt but I soon grew to like being a grandmother although I was still wore out. Six years after we were married I had breast cancer, Junior had to retire, his back gave out and he could no longer handle the job he did. He worked 37 years as an amputee in a chemical factory lifting heavy things which did not help his back. As I reached retirement, I was not able to walk the parking structure up then down again more than a day or 2 during the week. I needed to take a nap in my car before going back to work and I was only 54. This June I will be retired for 10 years, I am finally feeling I am able to function. I have learned to manage my time, take naps as I need them without worrying I am letting others down. I say "no" to most activities that require a commitment and finally having a diagnosis of Parkinson's Disease with the right medications has also given me some of my energy. I also have finally with God's help settled the pain of abuse in my life and I am able to not be fearful, over silly things trying to cope with the pain I had and allowed others to enjoy who I am without fear. I was just starting to see the full picture when I went in for my routine hair appointment last week. I had made some Mod Podge vases ( I thought but the girls are using them for a tip jar) for the girls at the hair dresser's. It was at that moment "I got it," Shantel hugged me like I was the most important person in her life so did Brittany when she finished with her customer and was ready to start with me. Brenda offered to take me, my Brenda who I love and have ministered to who also takes me all over the place emotionally volunteered to drive me around due to Junior going to visit a sick friend in Ohio. Brenda drove our van, she has not worked much in her life, her mother kept her to tightly under her wing, when she died Brenda has not known how to cope with life. Junior took her son under his wing teaching him how to work since he had not worked and was in his 20's. At that point we met Brenda, we helped her out the best we could then one day we told her we had done all we could. Afterward's Brenda and I talked through texts and phone calls, I helped her cope with 2 bouts of breast cancer and I even have seen her growing in her faith. Recently God showed me that I need to relate to Brenda as a 19 year old even though she is 60 which helps me not to get aggravated with her. Brenda and I enjoyed our day together as she took me to get my haircut, then to Food City and back to the house where we visited for a bit before she headed home again. When I went into my quiet time the next morning God showed me how much I am loved as He pointed me to review the previous day, then God once more showed me how much work I have done with His hand guiding me on being healed from abuse, anger and fear. He showed me Junior's patience as I grew from being over silly, talking way too much and needing to be moving a mile a minute even though it exhausted me. I was abused for 40 years, it took 20 years to heal and I now can see the woman God has grown me to be, a wonderful woman that is smart, loveable and accepted as she is. God told us to move to Virginia, it was here where I did the most growing, was loved as the woman I am, even accepted in my silly state, given love without jumping through hoops and given the room to discover "me". In the midst of all of this I was shown how I am ministering to different people in my own unique ways, at the doctor's and hairdresser's I am liked and they look forward to my coming in. I am able to be silly, lightening their days with joy as some days some of the people they deal with are rather grumpy and not fun to handle. I am a friend to someone who is more on the fringe of society. I accept her, love her and show her how to do many things like clean house, be dependable. I told Brenda upfront to not say she will take me and not show up. She does that and Brenda rose to the challenge. God does heal us, sometimes it is not a snap of the fingers healing but it happens one step at a time, for me 20 years. I also know that I will be learning all kinds of things until I go home to God and I am looking forward to where my journey will take me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, December 23, 2017
December 23, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
I am having a hard time getting this song out of my head and I am not upset because it makes me think. "Do you know Him?" by Hezekiah Walker. "I know a man from Galilee if your in sin he'll set you free He's the one that will save your soul Heal you body and make you whole Oh, do you know Him? I know a man from Galilee if your in sin he'll set you free He's the one that will save your soul Heal your body and make you whole Heal your body and make you whole He's the one that delivered me loosed my shackles and set me free Loosed my shackles and set me free Oh, do you know Him? Do you know Him, do you know my Jesus? Oh, do you know Him? As I enter into Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, my prayer is we truly know how to walk with Jesus, if you don't will you ask God to forgive you of your sins and begin that walk. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
I am having a hard time getting this song out of my head and I am not upset because it makes me think. "Do you know Him?" by Hezekiah Walker. "I know a man from Galilee if your in sin he'll set you free He's the one that will save your soul Heal you body and make you whole Oh, do you know Him? I know a man from Galilee if your in sin he'll set you free He's the one that will save your soul Heal your body and make you whole Heal your body and make you whole He's the one that delivered me loosed my shackles and set me free Loosed my shackles and set me free Oh, do you know Him? Do you know Him, do you know my Jesus? Oh, do you know Him? As I enter into Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, my prayer is we truly know how to walk with Jesus, if you don't will you ask God to forgive you of your sins and begin that walk. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, December 21, 2017
December 21, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
Daisy is 7 pounds, 10 years old and the sweetest little poodle. She and I are glued at the hip, I love to carry her around as I walk through the house then I set her near where I am working picking her up to go with me when I move to another room again. Daisy counter acts my balance issues with Parkinson's, I take care of her problems since she is blind and we make a great team. Whenever I am able to take her around town, into stores I bring her along, setting her in the shopping cart as we shop or leaving her in the truck so that I get to snuggle on her when I return to the truck since she is not allowed to go into all stores. She draws people's smiles, some people come over to pet her and talk with me about their little dog, their loneliness, or whatever. I enjoy the chance to chat with people to bring a bit of joy to people. If time allows and the person wants to talk then I tell them how she has brought me back to life, that she is a gift from God. Junior and I strive to take care of all of our fur children by getting their check ups, recently the Vet felt it was time to clean her teeth. I know my cat Alex started needing his teeth cleaned when he got older even though I fed him dry cat food so I took this in stride as we dropped her off at the Vet.She was 6 years old when we adopted her and we were the 4th owner which surprised me since she is the sweetest little girl. Daisy knows without a doubt that she is in her forever home which comforts me. She has become part of the pack of dogs although she does not romp around with them and her favorite is our alpha dog Val. Now that I know what is wrong with me and I am on the right medication I am able to walk about the yard as a form of exercise. We have 9 acres with 8 being mostly woods so I have quite a bit of walking I can do as I gather the fresh produce that grows wild like raspberries, blackberries, chestnuts, walnuts and pawpaw's. As fall comes along I go out looking for kindling and Daisy goes with me with each trip. She loves when we get to the fenced in part of the yard, I let her our of the walker basket, she explores while I gather the fruits or kindling. Imagine my surprise when we went to pick Daisy up at the Vet to find that she had 14 teeth pulled, she was so pitiful as Junior placed her in my lap, she had just gotten out of her surgery. I slept in the recliner with her that night. I don't know what Daisy was fed before we got her, with us she gets a chicken bone or a pork chop bone several days a week, we give her dental sticks to chew so we have attempted to take care of her teeth. After Wednesday night prayer meeting, I asked Terri to pray for Daisy the night before the surgery, she said she would. I prayed for her as well and I believe God watched over Daisy because when they took Daisy's blood to see if there was any infection in her system she had none. I believe God heard the prayers and blessed us with no infection. I am thankful that God is in the details of my life, does not mind me praying for our fur children even. I believe Daisy should be around a few more years which makes me happy, we will be a team for awhile longer. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Daisy is 7 pounds, 10 years old and the sweetest little poodle. She and I are glued at the hip, I love to carry her around as I walk through the house then I set her near where I am working picking her up to go with me when I move to another room again. Daisy counter acts my balance issues with Parkinson's, I take care of her problems since she is blind and we make a great team. Whenever I am able to take her around town, into stores I bring her along, setting her in the shopping cart as we shop or leaving her in the truck so that I get to snuggle on her when I return to the truck since she is not allowed to go into all stores. She draws people's smiles, some people come over to pet her and talk with me about their little dog, their loneliness, or whatever. I enjoy the chance to chat with people to bring a bit of joy to people. If time allows and the person wants to talk then I tell them how she has brought me back to life, that she is a gift from God. Junior and I strive to take care of all of our fur children by getting their check ups, recently the Vet felt it was time to clean her teeth. I know my cat Alex started needing his teeth cleaned when he got older even though I fed him dry cat food so I took this in stride as we dropped her off at the Vet.She was 6 years old when we adopted her and we were the 4th owner which surprised me since she is the sweetest little girl. Daisy knows without a doubt that she is in her forever home which comforts me. She has become part of the pack of dogs although she does not romp around with them and her favorite is our alpha dog Val. Now that I know what is wrong with me and I am on the right medication I am able to walk about the yard as a form of exercise. We have 9 acres with 8 being mostly woods so I have quite a bit of walking I can do as I gather the fresh produce that grows wild like raspberries, blackberries, chestnuts, walnuts and pawpaw's. As fall comes along I go out looking for kindling and Daisy goes with me with each trip. She loves when we get to the fenced in part of the yard, I let her our of the walker basket, she explores while I gather the fruits or kindling. Imagine my surprise when we went to pick Daisy up at the Vet to find that she had 14 teeth pulled, she was so pitiful as Junior placed her in my lap, she had just gotten out of her surgery. I slept in the recliner with her that night. I don't know what Daisy was fed before we got her, with us she gets a chicken bone or a pork chop bone several days a week, we give her dental sticks to chew so we have attempted to take care of her teeth. After Wednesday night prayer meeting, I asked Terri to pray for Daisy the night before the surgery, she said she would. I prayed for her as well and I believe God watched over Daisy because when they took Daisy's blood to see if there was any infection in her system she had none. I believe God heard the prayers and blessed us with no infection. I am thankful that God is in the details of my life, does not mind me praying for our fur children even. I believe Daisy should be around a few more years which makes me happy, we will be a team for awhile longer. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
December 19, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
The winter weather is weathering out there. I am grateful we are in Virginia, the lower portion of the state where we get winter although it is not as long, does not stay on the ground as long and warms up sooner. We still get deep snow and it is generally gone within a few days where as in Michigan many winters the first snow comes in November, stays on the ground until March. With Christmas right around the corner, I am relearning the need to move at my pace, to do what I can as I can. I learned the hard way that Christmas is about Jesus, about His love for God to obey and trust Him to enter into our world, our life to live, die once for all and rise again. It is much more fun to think about a tiny baby in a manger which is where the cattle feed. Through the years we have a romantic view of Christmas, all the presents, the snow with all the lights, a warm fire and merriment. As a lot of people I have been caught up in getting the presents together, the wrapping, baking cookies, preparing for the meals, the home and come Christmas morning, I am exhausted, tense and no where in my thoughts is there room for baby Jesus in my heart. As I sat pondering what was on my heart what to write a song came to me by Hezekiah Walker called "Do you Know Him?" "I know a man from Galilee if your in sin he'll set you free. He's the one that will save your soul. Heal your body and make you whole Oh, do you know him?" That tiny little baby grows up becomes a beloved Rabbi (teacher) not only for the Jewish people but for all people of every nation and tribe. He has brought healing to my heart and He is able to bring healing to anyone who is ready to confess they are a sinner with a true repentant heart. I have lived with decades of pain and abuse. For 20 years God has been bringing me tiny step by tiny step to a wholeness I have never known. Before I truly gave my heart to Jesus, I thought if I said the sinner's prayer, that very moment my life would be made whole and I would have financial blessing, blessings from my children and life would be good. The reality is our walk with Jesus is day to day, moment to moment. After I said the sinner's prayer, I began a journey of learning exactly who Jesus was, praying with tears in my heart about the pain I felt from the hurt I had experienced in life. Years later when I looked over my life I saw that Jesus was watching over me as a child, when I married my first husband causing me to faint and vomit at the alter. Later I saw Jesus speaking to me through a radio show host after I went back to my ex after a nasty night of abuse telling a listener to get an education before she left her husband. I did that, I was able to support myself when the divorce did happen 20 years later. Twenty years of hugs, reading the Bible, praying and growing is how my faith journey has developed and my love is much like my new husband's love, I am more in love with Jesus today than that first day when I gave Him my heart. I am grateful, thankful and now I can't see baby Jesus without Easter, the cross. The years God has allowed Junior and I to be all alone at Christmas has opened my heart, my eyes to the true gift of that tiny baby in a manger. My biggest gift I want to give others is not presents but the biggest gift of all, Jesus my Savior, My redeemer, my comforter, my strength, My All in All. May God bless you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
The winter weather is weathering out there. I am grateful we are in Virginia, the lower portion of the state where we get winter although it is not as long, does not stay on the ground as long and warms up sooner. We still get deep snow and it is generally gone within a few days where as in Michigan many winters the first snow comes in November, stays on the ground until March. With Christmas right around the corner, I am relearning the need to move at my pace, to do what I can as I can. I learned the hard way that Christmas is about Jesus, about His love for God to obey and trust Him to enter into our world, our life to live, die once for all and rise again. It is much more fun to think about a tiny baby in a manger which is where the cattle feed. Through the years we have a romantic view of Christmas, all the presents, the snow with all the lights, a warm fire and merriment. As a lot of people I have been caught up in getting the presents together, the wrapping, baking cookies, preparing for the meals, the home and come Christmas morning, I am exhausted, tense and no where in my thoughts is there room for baby Jesus in my heart. As I sat pondering what was on my heart what to write a song came to me by Hezekiah Walker called "Do you Know Him?" "I know a man from Galilee if your in sin he'll set you free. He's the one that will save your soul. Heal your body and make you whole Oh, do you know him?" That tiny little baby grows up becomes a beloved Rabbi (teacher) not only for the Jewish people but for all people of every nation and tribe. He has brought healing to my heart and He is able to bring healing to anyone who is ready to confess they are a sinner with a true repentant heart. I have lived with decades of pain and abuse. For 20 years God has been bringing me tiny step by tiny step to a wholeness I have never known. Before I truly gave my heart to Jesus, I thought if I said the sinner's prayer, that very moment my life would be made whole and I would have financial blessing, blessings from my children and life would be good. The reality is our walk with Jesus is day to day, moment to moment. After I said the sinner's prayer, I began a journey of learning exactly who Jesus was, praying with tears in my heart about the pain I felt from the hurt I had experienced in life. Years later when I looked over my life I saw that Jesus was watching over me as a child, when I married my first husband causing me to faint and vomit at the alter. Later I saw Jesus speaking to me through a radio show host after I went back to my ex after a nasty night of abuse telling a listener to get an education before she left her husband. I did that, I was able to support myself when the divorce did happen 20 years later. Twenty years of hugs, reading the Bible, praying and growing is how my faith journey has developed and my love is much like my new husband's love, I am more in love with Jesus today than that first day when I gave Him my heart. I am grateful, thankful and now I can't see baby Jesus without Easter, the cross. The years God has allowed Junior and I to be all alone at Christmas has opened my heart, my eyes to the true gift of that tiny baby in a manger. My biggest gift I want to give others is not presents but the biggest gift of all, Jesus my Savior, My redeemer, my comforter, my strength, My All in All. May God bless you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, December 16, 2017
December 16, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
My friend Brenda who had breast cancer twice, the 2nd time she had a breast removed, called to tell me that she now has 2 nodules on her lungs. She has never smoked although she lived with smokers most of her life, lived near the train tracks where coal was shipped and breathed in the air of her home that she was/ is a hoarder in. It has gotten so bad she has moved out and in an apartment. There she is checked on due to bug infestations so her apartment is sprayed monthly. Brenda is working very hard at changing, after two years she has finally stopped asking for people to help her clean up her messes so that she passes inspection and started working on cleaning up after herself. I have known her 9 years and only recently she has started grasping that she is in charge of her own life, people can't always rescue her from herself. With her 2nd bout of cancer she started taking her faith more seriously and I see she is growing some. Recently I grasped that Brenda has not ever grown past the age of 19 although she is in her early 60's. She is much like my Dad was, he left home at 14 never went back, took care of himself and as a parent he still told bathroom jokes. Brenda's mother told Brenda when to clean, how to clean and when her mother died, Brenda has been lost as how to handle her life. I found myself getting rather irritated with her until the LORD placed on my heart that I am dealing with a teenager who is trying to try their wings and never found them. After running Brenda all over kingdom come, trying to help her with cleaning her house Junior finally told her he was done. I had to quit early on running Brenda because I did not have it in me due my disability. Our relationship has evolved into texting and phone calls. My role is to try to get her to ask God to direct her steps, guide her in how to clean house. Due to my long struggle to get back to a sense of energy Brenda has watched me, listened to me talk step by step how I manage to get my work done. She called me one day all excited because she remembered what I had been telling her and she followed my example, cleaned her apartment and was very proud of herself. I was extremely proud of her. With all her health issues my heart wants to know she will let God be in control and allow Him to guide her steps, meaning that at the end of her life she will be in heaven. Last Christmas I got her a set of paints and a sketch book along with a journal to write her thoughts down. She loves to paint and draw, journal. This year my heart wants to get her something that reminds her of Jesus. I wear Christian jewelry not to show off, not extravagant but to remind myself of the choice I made to follow Jesus. many times I look at my bracelet and feel that I belong to Jesus, the same with my necklace, I will hold the cross pendent absorbing the love of God. I have asked Junior to make a wood cross for Brenda, like the one he made me. When I first began my faith journey the cross reminded me to keep my struggle pinned to the cross not pulling down to help God help me. I am not sure he will get this done, so I may get her some jewelry or even a store bought cross. The cross Junior made me allowed me to write my struggle down on paper then nail the struggle to the cross. As I watch Brenda grow, I once more understand the journey we enter when we except Jesus as our Savior and how long each step may seem. My serious walk today is not where I was when I started 20 years ago. Brenda is not able to be where I am since she is at the start of her walk which tells me I need to be patient with her step by step journey. Just as Brenda is finding her need for Jesus with each of these very serious illnesses, I too have discovered my deep need due to my own health problems. Recently Jesus has been showing me how much healing from 40 years of abuse I have gone through these past 20 years, Brenda too needs a lot of time to work through all of her pain, abuse etc. I believe many times when a new believer enters the church building other believers think that this new believer should "know" all the ins, outs and in between's of walking in faith and then we wind up pushing these new people back into the world. We want to be legalistic when new believers come in looking rather rough and ragged, maybe letting too much show in their choice of clothes. My thought is if we loved them where they are at, God will do the convicting of the heart. I have seen the same process work wonders when I did not criticize couples who lived together. Instead, I loved them, pointed them to prayer, the Bible and then soon, the relationship either broke up or they moved apart until they got married. As seasoned believers I think we need to realize that it takes time for people to grow in their faith. I don't think we need to accept certain behaviors as normal but again if we treat people with respect and allow God to convict their hearts, it would get us much further ahead. I know change for me was not happening until I felt wanted, loved and safe. After my divorce I thought I would move in with a man before I would get married. Junior was not excited about my plan, wanted to be married and he made me feel safe enough that I agreed. I am grateful that I could look up to Junior with respect, know that he was never going to hurt me on purpose. I don't doubt the choice I made for one minute, I have been able to see how Junior could live with his past mistakes and still live day to day with joy. Brenda is watching Junior and I much as I watched Junior when we met and married, still do today. More than likely Brenda is facing another major health challenge, she needs a friend to talk to, share her journey with and I find that I am grateful for her as much as she is for me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
My friend Brenda who had breast cancer twice, the 2nd time she had a breast removed, called to tell me that she now has 2 nodules on her lungs. She has never smoked although she lived with smokers most of her life, lived near the train tracks where coal was shipped and breathed in the air of her home that she was/ is a hoarder in. It has gotten so bad she has moved out and in an apartment. There she is checked on due to bug infestations so her apartment is sprayed monthly. Brenda is working very hard at changing, after two years she has finally stopped asking for people to help her clean up her messes so that she passes inspection and started working on cleaning up after herself. I have known her 9 years and only recently she has started grasping that she is in charge of her own life, people can't always rescue her from herself. With her 2nd bout of cancer she started taking her faith more seriously and I see she is growing some. Recently I grasped that Brenda has not ever grown past the age of 19 although she is in her early 60's. She is much like my Dad was, he left home at 14 never went back, took care of himself and as a parent he still told bathroom jokes. Brenda's mother told Brenda when to clean, how to clean and when her mother died, Brenda has been lost as how to handle her life. I found myself getting rather irritated with her until the LORD placed on my heart that I am dealing with a teenager who is trying to try their wings and never found them. After running Brenda all over kingdom come, trying to help her with cleaning her house Junior finally told her he was done. I had to quit early on running Brenda because I did not have it in me due my disability. Our relationship has evolved into texting and phone calls. My role is to try to get her to ask God to direct her steps, guide her in how to clean house. Due to my long struggle to get back to a sense of energy Brenda has watched me, listened to me talk step by step how I manage to get my work done. She called me one day all excited because she remembered what I had been telling her and she followed my example, cleaned her apartment and was very proud of herself. I was extremely proud of her. With all her health issues my heart wants to know she will let God be in control and allow Him to guide her steps, meaning that at the end of her life she will be in heaven. Last Christmas I got her a set of paints and a sketch book along with a journal to write her thoughts down. She loves to paint and draw, journal. This year my heart wants to get her something that reminds her of Jesus. I wear Christian jewelry not to show off, not extravagant but to remind myself of the choice I made to follow Jesus. many times I look at my bracelet and feel that I belong to Jesus, the same with my necklace, I will hold the cross pendent absorbing the love of God. I have asked Junior to make a wood cross for Brenda, like the one he made me. When I first began my faith journey the cross reminded me to keep my struggle pinned to the cross not pulling down to help God help me. I am not sure he will get this done, so I may get her some jewelry or even a store bought cross. The cross Junior made me allowed me to write my struggle down on paper then nail the struggle to the cross. As I watch Brenda grow, I once more understand the journey we enter when we except Jesus as our Savior and how long each step may seem. My serious walk today is not where I was when I started 20 years ago. Brenda is not able to be where I am since she is at the start of her walk which tells me I need to be patient with her step by step journey. Just as Brenda is finding her need for Jesus with each of these very serious illnesses, I too have discovered my deep need due to my own health problems. Recently Jesus has been showing me how much healing from 40 years of abuse I have gone through these past 20 years, Brenda too needs a lot of time to work through all of her pain, abuse etc. I believe many times when a new believer enters the church building other believers think that this new believer should "know" all the ins, outs and in between's of walking in faith and then we wind up pushing these new people back into the world. We want to be legalistic when new believers come in looking rather rough and ragged, maybe letting too much show in their choice of clothes. My thought is if we loved them where they are at, God will do the convicting of the heart. I have seen the same process work wonders when I did not criticize couples who lived together. Instead, I loved them, pointed them to prayer, the Bible and then soon, the relationship either broke up or they moved apart until they got married. As seasoned believers I think we need to realize that it takes time for people to grow in their faith. I don't think we need to accept certain behaviors as normal but again if we treat people with respect and allow God to convict their hearts, it would get us much further ahead. I know change for me was not happening until I felt wanted, loved and safe. After my divorce I thought I would move in with a man before I would get married. Junior was not excited about my plan, wanted to be married and he made me feel safe enough that I agreed. I am grateful that I could look up to Junior with respect, know that he was never going to hurt me on purpose. I don't doubt the choice I made for one minute, I have been able to see how Junior could live with his past mistakes and still live day to day with joy. Brenda is watching Junior and I much as I watched Junior when we met and married, still do today. More than likely Brenda is facing another major health challenge, she needs a friend to talk to, share her journey with and I find that I am grateful for her as much as she is for me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, December 14, 2017
December 14, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
The statement going around is about the holidays are not that exciting for everyone, for some the pain of all the loved ones that are no longer here is very painful, for me I have started to allow the birth of Baby Jesus bring me comfort as I focus on the reason for His coming into our sin filled world. I don't stay at the manger anymore at Christmas, I tend to take myself through His life, death and resurrection finding comfort in the resurrection. Junior and I came to our marriage traumatized with the getting ready for Christmas, the yearly fights and we have not really wanted to do the work of putting all the things away afterwards. For many years I put out a manger, today I have a snow globe with the manger scene, crosses with the manger scene and I have crosses throughout the house. These are my reminders that I am Jesus', He is who I live for and I feel His presence with me all year long. He is the reason I wake up in the morning to try one more day, He is there with me in the middle of the night when sleep evades me and the nightmares of the past attempt to flare. Junior and I will attend Christmas Eve services at church, will spend time with Debbie and Boogie and I can count on Brenda and her son stopping over for a bit as well. I find great comfort in not having to stop by my son's house and finding that he has invited his father by while Junior and I are there. I don't have to worry about my ex following me around trying to be my best friend, telling me all about his family (which my son has already told me). For this reason I am grateful that I am not around my family at this time of the year. It hurts, but I have learned it is what it is. Being with people who love me for me, even for my warts feels wonderful. With my Parkinson's I can go as much as my body will let me and then relax as my body needs to relax. God has been teaching me to take care of my needs and in so doing I am able to do much more than if I kept trying to push myself beyond my limitations. Come the day after Christmas I will be able to resume my routines and not have to have 3 days to recoup as I have needed in the recent past. My prayer is that I will wake up Christmas morning, take time to do my daily time in the Word of God, to spend time thanking Jesus for the gift of His life, death and resurrection for my life. For me this is the true meaning of Christmas and Easter for me I can't have one without the other. When I keep my focus on Jesus instead of all of the hoopla I find the peace of Christmas in my heart and that peace is not portrayed in all the cards, commercials and the glitter. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
The statement going around is about the holidays are not that exciting for everyone, for some the pain of all the loved ones that are no longer here is very painful, for me I have started to allow the birth of Baby Jesus bring me comfort as I focus on the reason for His coming into our sin filled world. I don't stay at the manger anymore at Christmas, I tend to take myself through His life, death and resurrection finding comfort in the resurrection. Junior and I came to our marriage traumatized with the getting ready for Christmas, the yearly fights and we have not really wanted to do the work of putting all the things away afterwards. For many years I put out a manger, today I have a snow globe with the manger scene, crosses with the manger scene and I have crosses throughout the house. These are my reminders that I am Jesus', He is who I live for and I feel His presence with me all year long. He is the reason I wake up in the morning to try one more day, He is there with me in the middle of the night when sleep evades me and the nightmares of the past attempt to flare. Junior and I will attend Christmas Eve services at church, will spend time with Debbie and Boogie and I can count on Brenda and her son stopping over for a bit as well. I find great comfort in not having to stop by my son's house and finding that he has invited his father by while Junior and I are there. I don't have to worry about my ex following me around trying to be my best friend, telling me all about his family (which my son has already told me). For this reason I am grateful that I am not around my family at this time of the year. It hurts, but I have learned it is what it is. Being with people who love me for me, even for my warts feels wonderful. With my Parkinson's I can go as much as my body will let me and then relax as my body needs to relax. God has been teaching me to take care of my needs and in so doing I am able to do much more than if I kept trying to push myself beyond my limitations. Come the day after Christmas I will be able to resume my routines and not have to have 3 days to recoup as I have needed in the recent past. My prayer is that I will wake up Christmas morning, take time to do my daily time in the Word of God, to spend time thanking Jesus for the gift of His life, death and resurrection for my life. For me this is the true meaning of Christmas and Easter for me I can't have one without the other. When I keep my focus on Jesus instead of all of the hoopla I find the peace of Christmas in my heart and that peace is not portrayed in all the cards, commercials and the glitter. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
December 12, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
For most of my life I have been involved with church and its activities. As a child I was in the choir and went to Sunday school. When my children came along I volunteered for various programs took them to choir and eventually was an Elder in the church. My prayer after my divorce was to be in a good marriage and for my husband to take his faith seriously. God answered my prayer, Junior and I go to adult Sunday school, then to church and Sunday nights we go to Bible study. In our church in Michigan we also volunteered, was on the board of remarried ministries for several years in addition to going on a few short term mission trips. My life has always centered around church. Once I had cancer I was never able to fully recover so my participation with church declined to the point of going to Sunday school and church services only. This was the state I was in when we moved to Virginia, I had absolutely no energy. We tried to go to Wednesday night prayer meetings, that did not last long. Sunday's for the most part I was able to do Sunday school and services, Bible study was on and off. For the first 5 or 6 years we lived in Virginia my energy was still bad, after my fall my gait got bad, I was tripping over nothing and falling. No one was able to determine why I was doing that until last year when I was told I have Parkinson's. Once I started taking the medication, I was able to mange my chronic fatigue, exercise without exhausting myself, I learned to rest for my needs instead of working harder I am learning to work smarter. Along the way my doctor discovered I have sleep apnea, allergy induced bronchitis, GERDS - acid reflux that is rather bad, my esophagus is a corkscrew, I have a hiatal hernia and I was a mess. Slowly between God and my doctor each problem has been addressed and dealt with so that I am now able to function rather well. A year ago Junior and I started going back to Wednesday night prayer meetings and I am doing rather well. We rarely miss Sunday night Bible study these days and many nights hangout at McDonald's or the front of the church with some of the group from the Bible study. There is a part of me that wants to do a bit more. I long to be involved but I also know that my energy level is not there to add much more to my week. At home I have been able to work my way back into a housework routine along with making our meals and washing the dishes. This process was very slow and renovating has given me the chance to rethink how to do what I used to do in a few minutes a day with heavier cleaning once or twice a year. I have believed for years that I am able to cook meals that are not processed and I am doing so again. I am even baking cakes and cookies like I used to from scratch. With the help of a George Foreman grill, and a microwave I am able to make meals in an hour or less other than soup which I throw in a crock pot. I am grateful that I am able to keep our home clean, make our meals and go to church to be with other believers. God has shown me that He can use me on the internet in the quiet of our home at my own pace. He has shown me that in my older years a few of us older workers need to step down to make room for the next generation to help run the church. A few older workers are needed to help train the younger workers so He is not calling for all older people to walk away from serving the church. God has also taught me that the way I respect my husband, give a sales clerk a cheerful response or even greeting someone at the grocery store are also ways I can serve Him. My life's journey opens up opportunities for me to reach out for Jesus like ministering to a woman who is coming out of an abusive relationship. All of these ways to serve God are as important as I am discovering as when I was a youth leader, sang in the choir or went on mission trips. They are ways of bringing the Gospel to my own little corner of the world. I am finally fully grasping my love for the Lord and working for His kingdom at home, in the community where He has called me to live. God gives me opportunities to serve with what I am capable of handling. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
For most of my life I have been involved with church and its activities. As a child I was in the choir and went to Sunday school. When my children came along I volunteered for various programs took them to choir and eventually was an Elder in the church. My prayer after my divorce was to be in a good marriage and for my husband to take his faith seriously. God answered my prayer, Junior and I go to adult Sunday school, then to church and Sunday nights we go to Bible study. In our church in Michigan we also volunteered, was on the board of remarried ministries for several years in addition to going on a few short term mission trips. My life has always centered around church. Once I had cancer I was never able to fully recover so my participation with church declined to the point of going to Sunday school and church services only. This was the state I was in when we moved to Virginia, I had absolutely no energy. We tried to go to Wednesday night prayer meetings, that did not last long. Sunday's for the most part I was able to do Sunday school and services, Bible study was on and off. For the first 5 or 6 years we lived in Virginia my energy was still bad, after my fall my gait got bad, I was tripping over nothing and falling. No one was able to determine why I was doing that until last year when I was told I have Parkinson's. Once I started taking the medication, I was able to mange my chronic fatigue, exercise without exhausting myself, I learned to rest for my needs instead of working harder I am learning to work smarter. Along the way my doctor discovered I have sleep apnea, allergy induced bronchitis, GERDS - acid reflux that is rather bad, my esophagus is a corkscrew, I have a hiatal hernia and I was a mess. Slowly between God and my doctor each problem has been addressed and dealt with so that I am now able to function rather well. A year ago Junior and I started going back to Wednesday night prayer meetings and I am doing rather well. We rarely miss Sunday night Bible study these days and many nights hangout at McDonald's or the front of the church with some of the group from the Bible study. There is a part of me that wants to do a bit more. I long to be involved but I also know that my energy level is not there to add much more to my week. At home I have been able to work my way back into a housework routine along with making our meals and washing the dishes. This process was very slow and renovating has given me the chance to rethink how to do what I used to do in a few minutes a day with heavier cleaning once or twice a year. I have believed for years that I am able to cook meals that are not processed and I am doing so again. I am even baking cakes and cookies like I used to from scratch. With the help of a George Foreman grill, and a microwave I am able to make meals in an hour or less other than soup which I throw in a crock pot. I am grateful that I am able to keep our home clean, make our meals and go to church to be with other believers. God has shown me that He can use me on the internet in the quiet of our home at my own pace. He has shown me that in my older years a few of us older workers need to step down to make room for the next generation to help run the church. A few older workers are needed to help train the younger workers so He is not calling for all older people to walk away from serving the church. God has also taught me that the way I respect my husband, give a sales clerk a cheerful response or even greeting someone at the grocery store are also ways I can serve Him. My life's journey opens up opportunities for me to reach out for Jesus like ministering to a woman who is coming out of an abusive relationship. All of these ways to serve God are as important as I am discovering as when I was a youth leader, sang in the choir or went on mission trips. They are ways of bringing the Gospel to my own little corner of the world. I am finally fully grasping my love for the Lord and working for His kingdom at home, in the community where He has called me to live. God gives me opportunities to serve with what I am capable of handling. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, December 9, 2017
December 9, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
Recently I spent time rounding up the pictures we have of grandchildren, of Junior and I and of siblings we have. I placed them on a small corner shelf that was part of the house when the original owner built it in the 1920's. I pulled some recent photos off of the desk in the sitting room because the cats kept knocking them down, placed them on the propane stove in the TV room and an end table in front of the fireplace. Shortly after while in prayer God revealed to me how Junior and I did have had some good moments with our grandchildren when they were very young, we enjoyed our Niece Alicia's boys, still do with Jake from time to time and then there are pictures of Junior's mother before she died when he was 5 years old and of his brother and his wife before he died. God was showing me that although I felt the loss of family with my divorce, the history we shared, I now have history plus contentment. Some of the losses I felt with relationships are still fractured but in my new life, I have shared history with Junior, contentment in this history with him and life is truly worthwhile. I have pictures to show me this history with Junior and even though I still have some fractured relationships, I still have family in my life. In my new history I also have new friends, deeper friendships and I am connected to my church family on a deeper level than I had been at my church I grew up in. Although I recall many good memories at that church I struggled to be seen and known. A lot of it was "me" because I tried to blend into the woodwork, not trying to stand out due to fear of doing life wrong. Abuse does that to a person, I felt by blending in, not creating a fuss would endear me to people instead I was over looked a whole lot and frankly people get irritated when you don't stand for something changing opinions as the wind changes directions. Once the marriage ended I began a long journey of learning who I am and what I stand for. God showed me that as well, He has taught me to seek Him in His Word, helped me decide He is who I want to follow, to please and to stand up for. Prior to my divorce I felt I was possibly ADHD, it runs all over my and my ex's family. Our son is extremely hyper, his son is hyper and so it goes. The more my body slowed down the faster it seems my mind got until one day I asked God what "be still and know that I am God," was like. That was my first lesson in be careful of what I ask for since shortly after that prayer I had breast cancer. I got so tired, I could hardly move and for the first time in my life I knew what stillness was. I started to discern when God was talking to me, guiding me, even correcting me and I did not mind the lessons. In the quieting of my mind I soon was learning to be what Junior needed me to be. One time I was exasperated with the renovating of this new home in Virginia moving at what felt like a snails pace when for some reason I prayed "Lord open my eyes and heart to Junior to see what You see in him." Boy that was truly an eye opener, God showed me how hard it is to work when one is disabled as Junior is. I saw the love Junior put into making the renovations just right and slowly I have even seen the patience needed to learn to live with my own disabilities. God has been showing me how Junior and I have worked through the difficult moments as well. I needed a lot of healing from my abuse as a child, and in my first marriage which meant that letting go of fear and believing that I am safe was a very long time in coming. Today 20 years later I see that I have worked through most of that fear, I am not as hyper and I see the woman God is making me to be. I like who I have become and will continue to grow to be, I love my marriage to Junior and growing into learning to be the wife he needs me to be. He recently revealed to me that he would be a lot further along if I had not been wanting things done yesterday so he kept refocusing on my latest "I want this done now" projects. With the latest upset that Lowe's would not finish the construction/renovating of our master bedroom, bathroom I find that if it never gets done, I am okay with it not being done. We have what we need to live comfortably for the rest of our lives and the home is a home. Junior has worked diligently at keeping clutter to a minimum, pathways clear of clutter so Daisy who is blind and allows me to walk around with the walker without stumbling over things. He has cleaned up the porch once more and cleaned up the ladders, tools from the yard. He has his desk area that over flows with clutter and his out buildings that are organized chaos. I have learned to not have a spotless home for Junior's sake. I am able to do most of the cooking, we share in the housework routines and I love this new life that God has brought me into. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Recently I spent time rounding up the pictures we have of grandchildren, of Junior and I and of siblings we have. I placed them on a small corner shelf that was part of the house when the original owner built it in the 1920's. I pulled some recent photos off of the desk in the sitting room because the cats kept knocking them down, placed them on the propane stove in the TV room and an end table in front of the fireplace. Shortly after while in prayer God revealed to me how Junior and I did have had some good moments with our grandchildren when they were very young, we enjoyed our Niece Alicia's boys, still do with Jake from time to time and then there are pictures of Junior's mother before she died when he was 5 years old and of his brother and his wife before he died. God was showing me that although I felt the loss of family with my divorce, the history we shared, I now have history plus contentment. Some of the losses I felt with relationships are still fractured but in my new life, I have shared history with Junior, contentment in this history with him and life is truly worthwhile. I have pictures to show me this history with Junior and even though I still have some fractured relationships, I still have family in my life. In my new history I also have new friends, deeper friendships and I am connected to my church family on a deeper level than I had been at my church I grew up in. Although I recall many good memories at that church I struggled to be seen and known. A lot of it was "me" because I tried to blend into the woodwork, not trying to stand out due to fear of doing life wrong. Abuse does that to a person, I felt by blending in, not creating a fuss would endear me to people instead I was over looked a whole lot and frankly people get irritated when you don't stand for something changing opinions as the wind changes directions. Once the marriage ended I began a long journey of learning who I am and what I stand for. God showed me that as well, He has taught me to seek Him in His Word, helped me decide He is who I want to follow, to please and to stand up for. Prior to my divorce I felt I was possibly ADHD, it runs all over my and my ex's family. Our son is extremely hyper, his son is hyper and so it goes. The more my body slowed down the faster it seems my mind got until one day I asked God what "be still and know that I am God," was like. That was my first lesson in be careful of what I ask for since shortly after that prayer I had breast cancer. I got so tired, I could hardly move and for the first time in my life I knew what stillness was. I started to discern when God was talking to me, guiding me, even correcting me and I did not mind the lessons. In the quieting of my mind I soon was learning to be what Junior needed me to be. One time I was exasperated with the renovating of this new home in Virginia moving at what felt like a snails pace when for some reason I prayed "Lord open my eyes and heart to Junior to see what You see in him." Boy that was truly an eye opener, God showed me how hard it is to work when one is disabled as Junior is. I saw the love Junior put into making the renovations just right and slowly I have even seen the patience needed to learn to live with my own disabilities. God has been showing me how Junior and I have worked through the difficult moments as well. I needed a lot of healing from my abuse as a child, and in my first marriage which meant that letting go of fear and believing that I am safe was a very long time in coming. Today 20 years later I see that I have worked through most of that fear, I am not as hyper and I see the woman God is making me to be. I like who I have become and will continue to grow to be, I love my marriage to Junior and growing into learning to be the wife he needs me to be. He recently revealed to me that he would be a lot further along if I had not been wanting things done yesterday so he kept refocusing on my latest "I want this done now" projects. With the latest upset that Lowe's would not finish the construction/renovating of our master bedroom, bathroom I find that if it never gets done, I am okay with it not being done. We have what we need to live comfortably for the rest of our lives and the home is a home. Junior has worked diligently at keeping clutter to a minimum, pathways clear of clutter so Daisy who is blind and allows me to walk around with the walker without stumbling over things. He has cleaned up the porch once more and cleaned up the ladders, tools from the yard. He has his desk area that over flows with clutter and his out buildings that are organized chaos. I have learned to not have a spotless home for Junior's sake. I am able to do most of the cooking, we share in the housework routines and I love this new life that God has brought me into. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Thursday, December 7, 2017
December 7, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
We woke up too late from our Sunday afternoon nap to go back to evening Bible study, we needed milk, dish soap and banana's so we headed to Food City to pick up these items then we stopped by the church. We knew Skip would be there waiting for Paula, the choir was practicing for the cantata and she is in the choir. Hanging of the greens was to be the focus of the night and we wondered if we were able to help with this project with our gimped up bodies, Skip informed us the hanging of the greens was not what we thought. Apparently, the Pastor presented a story about the meaning of hanging of the greens for the children in the church, I sure wish we would have made that one. We visited by the front door near where Team Kid was going on in the Family Life Center or gym when tables aren't set up for church gatherings. There are basketball hoops hanging around the room, the children were busy throwing balls, running around the room and once in awhile an adult would come out to rest before going back in again. While the guys were talking I remembered the lament from parents back when I was a youth adviser for teens, "kids today don't have time to be kids." The more I watched the young children running, talking with outside voices it came back to me that given the right opportunity, kids always go back to being a child again. As I drifted back into the conversation we soon were talking about how we love Clintwood Baptist Church because the church has a well rounded representation of all ages. The seniors love hearing the children doing what children do, we as a church marvel at their voices when they are up front singing, how well they sit during the service until it is time for the children are dismissed for children's church. The young parents are patient with us seniors, are respectful of us and well, this church has found a way to bring in younger people, keep the older people and all of us love each other fairly well. We have our problems although over all we seem to work them out. Going without a permanent pastor for 3 years has made us look hard and long at ourselves, we have people step up to keep programs up and running, had new members join the church and even have seen a few people come to salvation, many of them young people. I am learning much in this smaller church that I have belonged to. The one woman's circle has spent a huge amount of effort collecting and buying hats and mittens. I remembered what my home church did for years, they put up a mitten tree asking for donations of mittens, gloves, hats and scarves. Each week people came in with these items placing them on the tree. It was a neat idea and worked for that church. I mentioned this idea and afterwards, I thought why was this the answer to collecting needed items? These women spent loving time buying these items out of the funds from their circle. When they were finishing up they looked at all the items they bought with a sense of accomplishment. These items were then passed out at the Christmas parade that wound up in the park right in town. These women saw the happy little faces light up with the gifts they had loving labored for. It was this that made me realize sometimes it is much nicer to do things the harder way. Our county is rather small so it is not hard to know most of the children that show up to these events. Growing up I attended a church with 1,500 members, when Junior and I moved from our church we belonged to in Michigan it was a 3 - 5 thousand member church. These larger churches don't know all of the people within the community like the people here in Virginia and that is special to me now. The need to be hyper organized is not called for so I learn about being more flexible. Each community needs the churches to be sensitive to the needs within the community. There are years we collect back packs to give to children in the area, most of the families struggle to make ends meet so these backpacks go a long way in helping parents provide for the needs of the children. Right now there are children that don't get much food when they are not at school so we are collecting easy to open foods to give to children to take home. Since the drug problem is epidemic many children have to fend for themselves so churches also take up collections of winter coats, boots along with hats and scarves. When a church knows of a need these items are given to those in need. I believe some items are taken to the schools for the staff to distribute. Our smaller churches in this area are providing for the needs of the communities just as the larger churches help the larger communities where they are planted. God's people come together to help those in need at home and around the world. That is mind boggling to me. May God bless you and keep you make his face shine on you. Love Janet
We woke up too late from our Sunday afternoon nap to go back to evening Bible study, we needed milk, dish soap and banana's so we headed to Food City to pick up these items then we stopped by the church. We knew Skip would be there waiting for Paula, the choir was practicing for the cantata and she is in the choir. Hanging of the greens was to be the focus of the night and we wondered if we were able to help with this project with our gimped up bodies, Skip informed us the hanging of the greens was not what we thought. Apparently, the Pastor presented a story about the meaning of hanging of the greens for the children in the church, I sure wish we would have made that one. We visited by the front door near where Team Kid was going on in the Family Life Center or gym when tables aren't set up for church gatherings. There are basketball hoops hanging around the room, the children were busy throwing balls, running around the room and once in awhile an adult would come out to rest before going back in again. While the guys were talking I remembered the lament from parents back when I was a youth adviser for teens, "kids today don't have time to be kids." The more I watched the young children running, talking with outside voices it came back to me that given the right opportunity, kids always go back to being a child again. As I drifted back into the conversation we soon were talking about how we love Clintwood Baptist Church because the church has a well rounded representation of all ages. The seniors love hearing the children doing what children do, we as a church marvel at their voices when they are up front singing, how well they sit during the service until it is time for the children are dismissed for children's church. The young parents are patient with us seniors, are respectful of us and well, this church has found a way to bring in younger people, keep the older people and all of us love each other fairly well. We have our problems although over all we seem to work them out. Going without a permanent pastor for 3 years has made us look hard and long at ourselves, we have people step up to keep programs up and running, had new members join the church and even have seen a few people come to salvation, many of them young people. I am learning much in this smaller church that I have belonged to. The one woman's circle has spent a huge amount of effort collecting and buying hats and mittens. I remembered what my home church did for years, they put up a mitten tree asking for donations of mittens, gloves, hats and scarves. Each week people came in with these items placing them on the tree. It was a neat idea and worked for that church. I mentioned this idea and afterwards, I thought why was this the answer to collecting needed items? These women spent loving time buying these items out of the funds from their circle. When they were finishing up they looked at all the items they bought with a sense of accomplishment. These items were then passed out at the Christmas parade that wound up in the park right in town. These women saw the happy little faces light up with the gifts they had loving labored for. It was this that made me realize sometimes it is much nicer to do things the harder way. Our county is rather small so it is not hard to know most of the children that show up to these events. Growing up I attended a church with 1,500 members, when Junior and I moved from our church we belonged to in Michigan it was a 3 - 5 thousand member church. These larger churches don't know all of the people within the community like the people here in Virginia and that is special to me now. The need to be hyper organized is not called for so I learn about being more flexible. Each community needs the churches to be sensitive to the needs within the community. There are years we collect back packs to give to children in the area, most of the families struggle to make ends meet so these backpacks go a long way in helping parents provide for the needs of the children. Right now there are children that don't get much food when they are not at school so we are collecting easy to open foods to give to children to take home. Since the drug problem is epidemic many children have to fend for themselves so churches also take up collections of winter coats, boots along with hats and scarves. When a church knows of a need these items are given to those in need. I believe some items are taken to the schools for the staff to distribute. Our smaller churches in this area are providing for the needs of the communities just as the larger churches help the larger communities where they are planted. God's people come together to help those in need at home and around the world. That is mind boggling to me. May God bless you and keep you make his face shine on you. Love Janet
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
December 5, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
We had a visitor over the weekend from Ohio. He is the son of one of Junior's Marine Corp buddies and he has been talking to Junior on the phone for a few years now. As he settled in for his stay with us it crossed my mind that our day to day walk with Jesus might spill over to us talking about some of the lessons we have learned or are learning. Most days Junior and I have a conversation or 2 about what we are learning as we look into God's Word. For us, God's ways and His Word are not far from our thoughts, we talk about Jesus with each other and whom ever we meet. The young man is in his 30's and like many 30 year old's today he has not fully entered into his adult years of making a living and being responsible for himself. Recently he has been talking about going to college to get his degree. He has not held a job for long if at all. Our goal is to present Jesus to him, to give him a comfortable place to visit for a day or two before he leaves again. Tomorrow we will go to church and invite this young man to go along with us. Afterwards is a potluck at church, which means I won't be making lunch at home although there will be food for him to eat. We have longed to have company, now we have someone to come visit us. All of my thoughts turns toward how walking with Jesus is a day to day journey, we need to prepare for the moments someone comes along who may be seeking to find Him. If life is not lived with Jesus on a day to day basis then when God wants us to speak His truth to people we will not be prepared. All of my day to day quiet time may be used as we visit with Jeff. Junior's time in the Word will be because he brings each conversation around to Jesus as they speak on the phone. Jeff is starting to quote Scripture more on his Facebook page, he seems to be connecting the importance of a faith walk and eternity. Our prayer is the connection takes place and he will then begin giving the Word to those he meets. Many people find our "Jesus" talk to be a bit much, we are grasping the importance of making a decision for Christ and then walking with Him and how long eternity is without God. Lately I see this pain of life without God as I look at Jesus on the cross. In my minds eye I see all of the physical pain of the cross. I have dwelt on this for many years wondering how I would ever be able to deal with physical pain in the name of Jesus. Slowly I have learned that God will give me the ability to handle what I need to handle, mainly I see that the angels comforted Jesus just before He went to the cross. What I have been seeing more recently is Jesus crying out "My God, my God why have You forsaken me?" I hear the anguish in His voice long for God to not turn His back on Him. For that one moment in eternity, God has turned away from Jesus because of the sin He is carrying for us. At this moment in time I begin to see how painful life without God's presence is unbearable and what hell will be truly like. With this picture in mind I find that I want to bring the hope of the Gospel to all people even my worst enemy. I am grateful that Jeff is starting a faith walk, our friend Brenda seems to be hearing the importance of truly walking with Jesus and not playing around with a faith walk as she has done for most of her life. My resolve to wake up and be in the Word and prayer grows stronger in the light of the hope of winning souls for Jesus. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
We had a visitor over the weekend from Ohio. He is the son of one of Junior's Marine Corp buddies and he has been talking to Junior on the phone for a few years now. As he settled in for his stay with us it crossed my mind that our day to day walk with Jesus might spill over to us talking about some of the lessons we have learned or are learning. Most days Junior and I have a conversation or 2 about what we are learning as we look into God's Word. For us, God's ways and His Word are not far from our thoughts, we talk about Jesus with each other and whom ever we meet. The young man is in his 30's and like many 30 year old's today he has not fully entered into his adult years of making a living and being responsible for himself. Recently he has been talking about going to college to get his degree. He has not held a job for long if at all. Our goal is to present Jesus to him, to give him a comfortable place to visit for a day or two before he leaves again. Tomorrow we will go to church and invite this young man to go along with us. Afterwards is a potluck at church, which means I won't be making lunch at home although there will be food for him to eat. We have longed to have company, now we have someone to come visit us. All of my thoughts turns toward how walking with Jesus is a day to day journey, we need to prepare for the moments someone comes along who may be seeking to find Him. If life is not lived with Jesus on a day to day basis then when God wants us to speak His truth to people we will not be prepared. All of my day to day quiet time may be used as we visit with Jeff. Junior's time in the Word will be because he brings each conversation around to Jesus as they speak on the phone. Jeff is starting to quote Scripture more on his Facebook page, he seems to be connecting the importance of a faith walk and eternity. Our prayer is the connection takes place and he will then begin giving the Word to those he meets. Many people find our "Jesus" talk to be a bit much, we are grasping the importance of making a decision for Christ and then walking with Him and how long eternity is without God. Lately I see this pain of life without God as I look at Jesus on the cross. In my minds eye I see all of the physical pain of the cross. I have dwelt on this for many years wondering how I would ever be able to deal with physical pain in the name of Jesus. Slowly I have learned that God will give me the ability to handle what I need to handle, mainly I see that the angels comforted Jesus just before He went to the cross. What I have been seeing more recently is Jesus crying out "My God, my God why have You forsaken me?" I hear the anguish in His voice long for God to not turn His back on Him. For that one moment in eternity, God has turned away from Jesus because of the sin He is carrying for us. At this moment in time I begin to see how painful life without God's presence is unbearable and what hell will be truly like. With this picture in mind I find that I want to bring the hope of the Gospel to all people even my worst enemy. I am grateful that Jeff is starting a faith walk, our friend Brenda seems to be hearing the importance of truly walking with Jesus and not playing around with a faith walk as she has done for most of her life. My resolve to wake up and be in the Word and prayer grows stronger in the light of the hope of winning souls for Jesus. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Saturday, December 2, 2017
December 2, 2017
Greetings My Friend,
The calendar turns from November to December and my focus turns to Jesus, His life, death and resurrection. On this side of the cross, it is easy to sit back and speculate if I would have known that this baby boy would truly be the one to redeem us. Many had purported to be the Christ throughout the ages so discerning if this child was the true Savior took a bit of discernment. There was always someone coming the the scene of history purporting to be the Christ and they were not, the same after the death of Jesus those who present themselves as the 2nd coming of Christ. For me I attempt to follow the Bible and use it as my guide to discerning the events around me. I believe the Bible about the birth of Jesus, His life, death and resurrection. Proverbs teaches me that wisdom comes from God and in seeking Him He will give us discernment. Scripture points to the coming of the Messiah, then at one point the Messiah is born and I marvel when the religious leaders are able to quote the Bible as far as the coming of Jesus but turn their eyes away from Him so that they can fulfill their fleshly desires, like being the religious authority not want to submit to another authority. I see this playing out in the church today, many times it is an older person wanting to keep the status they had as a younger member of the church. Sometimes it is the older women in the church wanting to do things the way they have always done things. As a young working mother the older women of my day were able to stay home with their families, when it was time to bring cookies for a social event they got upset when the younger women bought cookies instead of making then. As we welcome people for Christmas, it would be wise to have patience with people that may come only for Christmas and Easter, for possible new members to the faith of God or to visitor's coming in to worship with family and friends. By doing so we honor Jesus's birth, life and His teachings. Recently God has been laying this phrase on my heart, "Win souls not bodies for Christ," in the light of eternity does it really matter if the cookies are home made or not? If that is what the person could do and give, isn't that the more important matter? If we look back on our own faith journey, when we were first believers we did not know how to hear God's still small voice, we learned it as we sought Him in prayer and Bible study, not by baking home made cookies per say. I learned much with people's patience as I encountered other believers, the more I read the Bible and in prayer. It is my desire to share the Good News of Jesus by living my life more like I read about Jesus' life in the Bible. He was patient, kind and from time to time He also called a spade a spade. Where Jesus was rather blunt was mainly with the religious leaders of His day, they had a bunch of made up rules that were becoming a burden to those who followed instead of helping the followers learn and grow the leaders made up a bunch of rules that looked religious but had no tolerance for the spirit of God's teachings. When new people enter your church are you a welcoming church or do you ignore the people discouraging them from fellowship with other believers of Jesus? By gathering with other believers we are able to grow, to practice our new found lessons on those believers who then can point us to the spirit of the lesson and not the perfection of the longer time followers of Jesus. We can not become perfect without practicing the lesson's we learn. My prayer for this time of advent, waiting for the birth of a Savior is that we the long time believers will be open to helping those who do not know Jesus, those learning the first lessons of a journey in following the Risen Savior and give them the spirit of love we have received in our fellowship with God the Father, Jesus, the Son and the Holy Spirit. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
The calendar turns from November to December and my focus turns to Jesus, His life, death and resurrection. On this side of the cross, it is easy to sit back and speculate if I would have known that this baby boy would truly be the one to redeem us. Many had purported to be the Christ throughout the ages so discerning if this child was the true Savior took a bit of discernment. There was always someone coming the the scene of history purporting to be the Christ and they were not, the same after the death of Jesus those who present themselves as the 2nd coming of Christ. For me I attempt to follow the Bible and use it as my guide to discerning the events around me. I believe the Bible about the birth of Jesus, His life, death and resurrection. Proverbs teaches me that wisdom comes from God and in seeking Him He will give us discernment. Scripture points to the coming of the Messiah, then at one point the Messiah is born and I marvel when the religious leaders are able to quote the Bible as far as the coming of Jesus but turn their eyes away from Him so that they can fulfill their fleshly desires, like being the religious authority not want to submit to another authority. I see this playing out in the church today, many times it is an older person wanting to keep the status they had as a younger member of the church. Sometimes it is the older women in the church wanting to do things the way they have always done things. As a young working mother the older women of my day were able to stay home with their families, when it was time to bring cookies for a social event they got upset when the younger women bought cookies instead of making then. As we welcome people for Christmas, it would be wise to have patience with people that may come only for Christmas and Easter, for possible new members to the faith of God or to visitor's coming in to worship with family and friends. By doing so we honor Jesus's birth, life and His teachings. Recently God has been laying this phrase on my heart, "Win souls not bodies for Christ," in the light of eternity does it really matter if the cookies are home made or not? If that is what the person could do and give, isn't that the more important matter? If we look back on our own faith journey, when we were first believers we did not know how to hear God's still small voice, we learned it as we sought Him in prayer and Bible study, not by baking home made cookies per say. I learned much with people's patience as I encountered other believers, the more I read the Bible and in prayer. It is my desire to share the Good News of Jesus by living my life more like I read about Jesus' life in the Bible. He was patient, kind and from time to time He also called a spade a spade. Where Jesus was rather blunt was mainly with the religious leaders of His day, they had a bunch of made up rules that were becoming a burden to those who followed instead of helping the followers learn and grow the leaders made up a bunch of rules that looked religious but had no tolerance for the spirit of God's teachings. When new people enter your church are you a welcoming church or do you ignore the people discouraging them from fellowship with other believers of Jesus? By gathering with other believers we are able to grow, to practice our new found lessons on those believers who then can point us to the spirit of the lesson and not the perfection of the longer time followers of Jesus. We can not become perfect without practicing the lesson's we learn. My prayer for this time of advent, waiting for the birth of a Savior is that we the long time believers will be open to helping those who do not know Jesus, those learning the first lessons of a journey in following the Risen Savior and give them the spirit of love we have received in our fellowship with God the Father, Jesus, the Son and the Holy Spirit. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)