December 16, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

My friend Brenda who had breast cancer twice, the 2nd time she had a breast removed, called to tell me that she now has 2 nodules on her lungs. She has never smoked although she lived with smokers most of her life, lived near the train tracks where coal was shipped and breathed in the air of her home that she was/ is a hoarder in. It has gotten so bad she has moved out and in an apartment. There she is checked on due to bug infestations so her apartment is sprayed monthly. Brenda is working very hard at changing, after two years she has finally stopped asking for people to help her clean up her messes so that she passes inspection and started working on cleaning up after herself. I have known her 9 years and only recently she has started grasping that she is in charge of her own life, people can't always rescue her from herself. With her 2nd bout of cancer she started taking her faith more seriously and I see she is growing some. Recently I grasped that Brenda has not ever grown past the age of 19 although she is in her early 60's. She is much like my Dad was, he left home at 14 never went back, took care of himself and as a parent he still told bathroom jokes. Brenda's mother told Brenda when to clean, how to clean and when her mother died, Brenda has been lost as how to handle her life. I found myself getting rather irritated with her until the LORD placed on my heart that I am dealing with a teenager who is trying to try their wings and never found them. After running Brenda all over kingdom come, trying to help her with cleaning her house Junior finally told her he was done. I had to quit early on running Brenda because I did not have it in me due my disability. Our relationship has evolved into texting and phone calls. My role is to try to get her to ask God to direct her steps, guide her in how to clean house. Due to my long struggle to get back to a sense of energy Brenda has watched me, listened to me talk step by step how I manage to get my work done. She called me one day all excited because she remembered what I had been telling her and she followed my example, cleaned her apartment and was very proud of herself. I was extremely proud of her. With all her health issues my heart wants to know she will let God be in control and allow Him to guide her steps, meaning that at the end of her life she will be in heaven. Last Christmas I got her a set of paints and a sketch book along with a journal to write her thoughts down. She loves to paint and draw, journal. This year my heart wants to get her something that reminds her of Jesus. I wear Christian jewelry not to show off, not extravagant but to remind myself of the choice I made to follow Jesus. many times I look at my bracelet and feel that I belong to Jesus, the same with my necklace, I will hold the cross pendent absorbing the love of God. I have asked Junior to make a wood cross for Brenda, like the one he made me. When I first began my faith journey the cross reminded me to keep my struggle pinned to the cross not pulling down to help God help me. I am not sure he will get this done, so I may get her some jewelry or even a store bought cross. The cross Junior made me allowed me to write my struggle down on paper then nail the struggle to the cross. As I watch Brenda grow, I once more understand the journey we enter when we except Jesus as our Savior and how long each step may seem. My serious walk today is not where I was when I started 20 years ago. Brenda is not able to be where I am since she is at the start of her walk which tells me I need to be patient with her step by step journey. Just as Brenda is finding her need for Jesus with each of these very serious illnesses, I too have discovered my deep need due to my own health problems. Recently Jesus has been showing me how much healing from 40 years of abuse I have gone through these past 20 years, Brenda too needs a lot of time to work through all of her pain, abuse etc. I believe many times when a new believer enters the church building other believers think that this new believer should "know" all the ins, outs and in between's of walking in faith and then we wind up pushing these new people back into the world. We want to be legalistic when new believers come in looking rather rough and ragged, maybe letting too much show in their choice of clothes. My thought is if we loved them where they are at, God will do the convicting of the heart. I have seen the same process work wonders when I did not criticize couples who lived together. Instead, I loved them, pointed them to prayer, the Bible and then soon, the relationship either broke up or they moved apart until they got married. As seasoned believers I think we need to realize that it takes time for people to grow in their faith. I don't think we need to accept certain behaviors as normal but again if we treat people with respect and allow God to convict their hearts, it would get us much further ahead. I know change for me was not happening until I felt wanted, loved and safe. After my divorce I thought I would move in with a man before I would get married. Junior was not excited about my plan, wanted to be married and he made me feel safe enough that I agreed. I am grateful that I could look up to Junior with respect, know that he was never going to hurt me on purpose. I don't doubt the choice I made for one minute, I have been able to see how Junior could live with his past mistakes and still live day to day with joy. Brenda is watching Junior and I much as I watched Junior when we met and married, still do today. More than likely Brenda is facing another major health challenge, she needs a friend to talk to, share her journey with and I find that I am grateful for her as much as she is for me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet