December 30, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

When I was first divorced I wanted revenge for all the pain I endured. I did not help myself when I gave into my anger a few times but with prayers asking for God to be with my ex, my anger soon settled, the need for revenge disappeared. Through the years I heard of the struggles my ex has had and I realized that God is working out the wrongs I did and the wrongs my ex did. God was teaching me that He will take care of the wrongs that have been too me, He also taught me that I need to look at my part of the problem since I too was hurtful at times. For me it was much the same I learned in Divorce Recovery, I needed to look at my part of the problem for the failed marriage and I did own a piece of the problem. I wanted to be the victim, I was the victim but at the end of the day I was also part of the problem. At first I learned that I allowed what was done to me, even if I did not know how to make it all stop. I also worked on that problem too, I went through counseling on and off, applied what I learned as much as I could, I also allowed his anger to get the best of me and I fought with him. Many years later I realized I am the type of person who will get stubborn get an attitude of "you can't make me" as I discovered my faults I took them to God and He taught me to let go of my anger, fear and anxiety. Without God's help this marriage would not have worked out as well as it has because God has taught me to be what Junior needs instead of demanding that my needs be met. Today I am not as likely to use words to tear Junior apart when he hurts my feelings I am more likely to go to prayer asking God to help me say what needs to be said, for my eyes to be opened t o what Junior's need is. When we have a problem I am able to talk upfront with Junior, tell him I am at the end of my rope and he listens. We struggled for awhile this past summer with Junior's anger flaring. I had started mentioning he may want to get a stronger dose of his depression medication, he refused until one day I told him that I was at my limit. I was pushed to the point of arguing with him instead of walking away. The thing I love about Junior is he hears me when I state how I feel firmly. Shortly after that he allowed his doctor to increase his medication and several months later, he is so much easier to talk to, to love and to deal with. I understand that he has PTSD, that being a man his anger is the "fear" he has to deal with.I also know he will not strike me but his blowing up over the littlest things can still be a challenge for me. God has taught me to stand my ground in a less reactionary way which helps us. Junior knew when I spoke to him that I was at the end of my rope of understanding. He then heard me got the help he needed. All the counseling, the relationship classes we took and being in the Word of God has trained me to fight fairly, to not allow someone to hurt me. I am grateful for these lessons that God fined tuned for me. I am a better wife this time around and I am grateful for God's leadership in my life. As far as my ex, it no longer matters to me how his life has turned out, I hear enough that he has not changed that much, I am sad for him but it is his choice. It truly is between him and God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet