December 26, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

As I was leaving the work world entering into retirement I was stopped several times by various coworkers and told that I would be sorely missed. I was told about my upbeat attitude, my friendly manner and how hard of a worker I was. Those sentiments surprised me and to be honest they felt rather nice. I worked various jobs prior to the bank I retired from after 20 years. I was attempting to get back into the work force since I quit work with my first child to stay home until I had hoped when she was older maybe high school. I basically stayed home until my son was in kindgarden. Prior to that I had a couple of part time jobs, my son needed extra help due to him having fluid in his ears, his hearing was not good unless tubes were in his ears and his speech was not where it needed to be until he had his first tubes put in at age 3. The bank is where I grew the most, I was able to see women handle their lives so I read all kinds of things on how to dress for success, tried to be a good productive worker for my employer. I had taken a few college classes and learned to "fake it till you make it." After I began a serious faith journey I learned about Agape love, so I attempted to seek my fellow coworkers highest good instead of tying reach the top of the corporate ladder. At the end of the day I was grateful that my ex husband insisted that I go back to work, he never did respect me wanting to be home with our children. I found respect at work which helped. When I met Junior I was recently divorced, wore out and trying to figure out how to be single, be a single mother to my young adult children. I remember feeling exhausted as I began a new life with a new husband, I was a new grandmother five and 8 months after I was married. Grandma was such a strange word when the girls were born, I knew about being an aunt but I soon grew to like being a grandmother although I was still wore out. Six years after we were married I had breast cancer, Junior had to retire, his back gave out and he could no longer handle the job he did. He worked 37 years as an amputee in a chemical factory lifting heavy things which did not help his back. As I reached retirement, I was not able to walk the parking structure up then down again more than a day or 2 during the week. I needed to take a nap in my car before going back to work and I was only 54. This June I will be retired for 10 years, I am finally feeling I am able to function. I have learned to manage my time, take naps as I need them without worrying I am letting others down. I say "no" to most activities that require a commitment and finally having a diagnosis of Parkinson's Disease with the right medications has also given me some of my energy. I also have finally with God's help settled the pain of abuse in my life and I am able to not be fearful, over silly things trying to cope with the pain I had and allowed others to enjoy who I am without fear. I was just starting to see the full picture when I went in for my routine hair appointment last week. I had made some Mod Podge vases ( I thought but the girls are using them for a tip jar) for the girls at the hair dresser's. It was at that moment "I got it," Shantel hugged me like I was the most important person in her life so did Brittany when she finished with her customer and was ready to start with me. Brenda offered to take me, my Brenda who I love and have ministered to who also takes me all over the place emotionally volunteered to drive me around due to Junior going to visit a sick friend in Ohio. Brenda drove our van, she has not worked much in her life, her mother kept her to tightly under her wing, when she died Brenda has not known how to cope with life. Junior took her son under his wing teaching him how to work since he had not worked and was in his 20's. At that point we met Brenda, we helped her out the best we could then one day we told her we had done all we could. Afterward's Brenda and I talked through texts and phone calls, I helped her cope with 2 bouts of breast cancer and I even have seen her growing in her faith. Recently God showed me that I need to relate to Brenda as a 19 year old even though she is 60 which helps me not to get aggravated with her. Brenda and I enjoyed our day together as she took me to get my haircut, then to Food City and back to the house where we visited for a bit before she headed home again. When I went into my quiet time the next morning God showed me how much I am loved as He pointed me to review the previous day, then God once more showed me how much work I have done with His hand guiding me on being healed from abuse, anger and fear. He showed me Junior's patience as I grew from being over silly, talking way too much and needing to be moving a mile a minute even though it exhausted me. I was abused for 40 years, it took 20 years to heal and I now can see the woman God has grown me to be, a wonderful woman that is smart, loveable and accepted as she is. God told us to move to Virginia, it was here where I did the most growing, was loved as the woman I am, even accepted in my silly state, given love without jumping through hoops and given the room to discover "me". In the midst of all of this I was shown how I am ministering to different people in my own unique ways, at the doctor's and hairdresser's I am liked and they look forward to my coming in. I am able to be silly, lightening their days with joy as some days some of the people they deal with are rather grumpy and not fun to handle. I am a friend to someone who is more on the fringe of society. I accept her, love her and show her how to do many things like clean house, be dependable. I told Brenda upfront to not say she will take me and not show up. She does that and Brenda rose to the challenge. God does heal us, sometimes it is not a snap of the fingers healing but it happens one step at a time, for me 20 years. I also know that I will be learning all kinds of things until I go home to God and I am looking forward to where my journey will take me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet