July 30, 2016

Greetings My Friend, My Bible study takes me through four different books as I read through the Bible each year which is helping me to focus better since my mind wanders rather easily. I also journal what I learn, I found a format that is working well for me which has 5 headings. The first heading is "What is on my mind today?", Second is "What can I talk to God about today?", Third is Scripture - What does God say?", fourth "What does the Holy Spirit say?", and fifth is "How can I serve others today?". Sometimes as I read the OT reading and then read the NT reading I see that both testaments are talking about the same things. Today in Jeremiah I read, "They bend their tongues and not truth has grown strong int the land; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know me declares the Lord."Next I read in Matthew "So you outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness." Jesus was pointing out how the religious leaders were living one way and acting another and their hearts were not of God at all. It seems that this problem exists still today. We have leaders who want us to think they are wholesome and lead a very different private life in the hopes of not being found out. Even some of our religious leaders are like this as well. We have come to accept this behavior and not demand otherwise. For me I remember thinking that as long as they govern well, the problem with that thinking is people do not live what they speak then they will not govern what they speak. Later in the chapter Jesus teaches us to clean the inside of the cup. We can not begin to live right when we allow ourselves to pretend to be wholesome and pure but allow ourselves to indulge in impure living in secrete. We wind up spending too much time trying to keep our secret sins secret. In Jeremiah God is telling Israel that He is taking them into exile for their blatant disobedience. God had sent prophets to warn them and the prophets were killed and ignored. Today God reminds us to follow Him and we choose to turn to our own ways. One of the first things we as a nation can do is to change our standards by voting in people who are honest and live right. We can choose people who hold the same moral standards we hold dear to us, for many it is the God of the Bible's standards. We can go back to our founding father's faith of Jesus at the center of our nation again. We can still be the melting pot of religions but we need to live the God of the Bible, treat other's as God treats us and maybe we then can bring other non believers to Jesus. When we live in other countries they live their faith whether we believe or not. We can treat those that are different with respect and not abuse them for we all are sinners and fall short. One group of people's sin is no greater than another, in God's eyes the smallest sin in our eyes is still sin. By treating people with respect and dignity we are then able to love as God loves, seeking our highest good. That means we do not justify or enable people to stay in their dysfunction. Today we enable people to stay poor by giving them handout after handout without making them work for their handouts. In Israel God commanded them to harvest once and then leave the left over harvest for the poor to glean and help themselves. It was not harvested and then processed and then given for the poor, the poor had to work for their food. In the desert God provided manna but the people had to go and get it, cook it. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 28, 2016

Greetings My Friend, "Hear, O earth; behold, I am bringing disaster upon this people, the fruit of their devices, because they have not paid attention to my words;and as for my law, they have rejected it." If God corrected His people Israel, then He will correct us, our nation, the world. Even Jesus talks about correction, the final end of those who do not believe, "Then the king said to the attendants, 'Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.' For many are called, but few are chosen." We have to choose to believe God and accept His Son or not to choose God. If we choose Jesus and enter into a true relationship we will see eternity in heaven, if we don't then our eternity will be in hell. We can't not choose because no decision is a decision. People talk about being "New Testament" believers and I say that Jesus taught from the Torah or the Old Testament and that makes the whole Bible useful for teaching and for correction. For me I see a lot of the OT the physical learning pointing to spiritual growth. The correction of Israel teaches me that God will correct each nation, each person as He did with His own people. If our country continues to walk away from God then one day we will be corrected. The nation of Israel was over taken by outsiders and one day our country will be taken over by outsiders, when we least expect our country to be taken over. If we choose to repent and turn back to God with a true heart our correction will not be as severe. God did this for Israel many times too. I keep hearing this message as I read the Bible and I feel compelled to point out that God will one day call us to account for our actions and decisions as a nation. Many of us prefer the teachings of "peace" with no regard to God's Word. We want feel good messages, to arrange God the way we want Him to be. Many of us strive to take God at His Word and we are scoffed at and made fun of, not unlike Jeremiah was in his day. Even as the nation was being besieged the prophets kept teaching that all would be well that they heard from God. As they were being taken away these same prophets taught that they would be back. The reality is the people were taken away and lived in exile for 70 years. God had enough of repenting and then turning back to what they just repented from so they were exiled for many years. We have walked away from the God of the Bible and now are making up our god as we go. Today it is called humanism. Humanism teaches us to abort a child because God would not want us to forgo our career, it is not the right time and such. I see all over the Bible that God is a God of life, not death. He exhorts us to go forth and multiply, multiply by having children, multiply by spreading the Good News of Jesus our redeemer and Savior. God wants us to have honest interactions and we are considering voting for a president who has been accused of many wrongs and we overlook many leaders lies and behaviors. We no longer hold them accountable for inappropriate behavior. We continue to allow our differences to come between us and allow 1% of the population to dictate the standard for the majority, instead of treating them with respect. We rewrite history because the past has ugly parts instead of learning from the past. It is time to take God at His Word and live our lives with Him at the center of our hearts and of our nation. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 26, 2016

Greetings My Friend, For the most part Junior and I get along real well. Generally we see things in the same light but once in a while we struggle finding that common ground. Right now we are having a disagreement and this makes me think back to our re-married's class'. We learned that the couples who say they never fight are more than likely stuffing things rather than working through them. This is not healthy and eventually the marriage may suffer from unresolved issues all in the name of never having disagreements. Junior and I will work through the situation or even may have to agree to disagree. I appreciate the working on the problems and having my thoughts and concerns listened to. In the Bible I see God and even Jesus getting angry with people which makes me think that if they get angry then disagreements are bound to happen. The next thing we learned was how to fight fair. We learned to walk away for a short period of time until we cooled down. When we got together we practiced hearing each other out. One method was one person held onto something like a tile while they talked, a timer was set and they had a set amount of time to talk. Then the other person had their time and this went on until there was an agreement or compromise. Another thing we learned was to hold hands while talking, it is hard to stay angry when touching. Another huge thing we learned was to stick to the problem and not get historical. This is not the time to bring up every wrong the other person has ever done. I also find prayer helps me too. I learned to talk to God a lot when we first moved to this house and began living in a constant state of construction. Due to Junior's back problems he moves slowly and I wanted things done a whole lot faster even though I understood his struggle. I learned to pray asking God to teach me to be what Junior needs me to be instead of complaining about his slow progress. God began teaching me to slow down myself, to see the love Junior has for me as he worked diligently at renovating. I learned to give myself grace as I learned to give Junior grace with his slow process. I allowed myself to slow down and not expect so much out of me with disabilities. The more I changed my perspective the more patience I was able to give and have. Disagreements also have brought us closer especially early on in our marriage. I learned those things that hurt Junior deeply and I worked at changing the way I reacted to him. In my previous marriage I could be rather rough with my words. Junior does not respond to harsh words well and I learned to present my concerns in a gentler manner. Junior does not handle a lot of slamming and banging of doors it sets his PTSD off, I have not resorted to this either. These 2 things were easy for me to undo in my life because I was heard and my feelings were accepted thus I had no need to do them. Junior liked to yell at his computer when things went wrong as they often do. His yelling frightened me so he quit and to be honest he still does not scream at objects to this day. I am thankful that he does not since I associate that kind of behavior with aggressiveness. Lastly we learned about "phrase bombs or bus driver issues", we all have a past and certain actions or words tend to send us back to that moment in history. One couple struggled when the wife said "we need to talk." The husband heard that phrase as a huge fight was in the works. The wife had to use other words when approaching a problem. Junior struggled with my need to talk and fixing each problem. I learned to tell him I am not looking for an answer or I need your input, this allowed him to tune out and not over focus on fixing my problem. I am grateful we learned how to fight fairly because I am not afraid if we are not in perfect agreement these days. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Jane

July 23, 2016

Greetings My Friend, I am not able to live without hope, hope helps me face day to day life and function. Our country has been through a very hard few weeks with the killing of people in Orlando at a gay bar and the killing of police officers in Texas. We are struggling with racial tensions due to the police and listening or watching the news is rather depressing. I begin to wonder if things could get much worse when I begin to see that all of America grieved the loss of life at the gay bar and the loss of officers lives. The police were monitoring a peaceful demonstration of protest regarding white officers killing black people. In the recent past the blacks rioted and now peaceful demonstrations warmed my heart. We need to hear the message not witness more violence. Violence begets more violence. After the police were killed a black woman, the mother I think of a black son that was murdered by a white officer had compassion for the families that just lost loved ones. She wants the violence to stop and I could not agree more. Black on black crime, white on black crime and black on white crime, all hurt our county even gay's have a right to live, to work. I pray we as a nation are turning back to our foundation of having God as our ruler and government leaders who follow Jesus leading the people. In this my hope is sustained. My re-married workshops taught me a valuable lesson and it applies to our nation today, that is we need to present a united stand. Junior and I have used this principal in our marriage and it allows us to make decisions, to follow through which means we move forward in our marriage. We are a team and when we have moments where we do not agree we talk it out. For the most part we generally come to a common ground and if we do not then we agree to disagree. The gay lifestyle is something I disagree with but that does not mean I have to force my opinions on them. I can work beside them, live beside them and even interact with them without harming them. To me when Jesus says "go forth into all the nations making disciples of all nations" He does not mean to harm others with our belief. I find that I am more willing to listen if others will hear me. Bringing the Good News to all people means we give the hope we have in a loving way opening the door for others, all others no matter who to come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior of their lives. If we could live by this principal we then can stand strong against those that want to harm our nation and our way of life. Loving my neighbor means seeking their highest good, not giving out handouts to show how nice we are. When I see God in the Bible guide Israel, He provides for them, the people then have to go and do. In the desert God provided manna but the people had to go get it each day. God gave the people laws to live by and if the people obeyed they did well. We can not hand out money, food, housing to all people, we as a nation will run out of money. There will always be some that need extra care but if people are able to then they must work for their citizenship, their food and their housing. Paul teaches this in the NT. Illegals are breaking our laws when they enter our country. We have generations of immigrants who have come into our country, obeyed our laws and enriched our lives. If we can come together we can make this country great again, if we continue the "in" fighting, well there is not much hope. I prefer to repent to God and then pray He will lead us once more. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 21, 20016

Greetings My Friend, I woke up this morning to see overnight that several police officers were killed and several more were wounded. Almost daily I read or hear on the news about a mass shooting from terrorists or otherwise. These days are scary to say the least. Government officials commit major breeches of trust and go Scott free with little more than a slap on the hand. Then there are the major disasters all around us, flooding,drought and the list goes on. I want to get caught up in the sadness and the panic or fear but today I read in Joshua "Do not be afraid of them for I am with you to deliver you, declares the Lord." At the bottom of my journal page Psalm 9:10 reads "Those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." I read these verses a few times and find calmness replacing the confusion and fear. I keep sensing the world has lost any sense it ever had and I feel the chaos building all around. Time alone with God though shows me to trust, to obey and then to do. There may be a 3rd world war in the making or there may not. God is teaching me to quit depending so heavily on the "grid" for my needs such as heating our home, providing for our needs with putting up food and we are doing just that. While I work I find myself enjoying a simple life in the process. I am once more sewing and learning to make quilts, studying how to make simple dress' without a pattern and for some reason I feel that if anything happens we will be able to care for our needs for the most part. When I stop to reflect I see that God will be with me in the midst of the trials that are coming whether illness, disaster or war. I may not know life as I have known it but my needs will be met. I learn again to be thankful for the needs being met and not seek the wants so strongly. I learn to discern between needs and wants more fully. I learn to enjoy learning new ways to do things and for some reason in all of that I find real joy. In a little bit I will start my day of doing what I can, resting, waiting a few hours to start again and at the end of the day I will have accomplished much. I am grateful for my disability because with it I am learning to trust God daily, seek Him throughout the day and then obey. Left to my own devices I would be panicked, sit in fear and give up. God does not allow me to give up, by obeying Him I do not and then I am amazed at what I am still capable of doing. As the world gets scarier and scarier I find that God has started preparing me to deal with those scary moments and to live in trust which turns into peace and contentment. When fear tries to rise up in me I have already learned to take the fear to God first. I am learning to discern His voice from Satan's or from false prophets. I know to keep myself focused on God, the Word and the Holy Spirit guides me, teaches me. When I think God does not know, I sheepishly remember our Lord Jesus and I know that I know God truly does know the end from the beginning. My prayer is that we all begin to listen to that small still voice of the Holy Spirit. We can know it is Him if we read our Bible because God will never go against His Word. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 19, 2016

Greetings My Friend, The heat and humidity is taking its toll on my lungs. Add to this I am also struggling more with my gait and walking in a straight line on my own is difficult. When I do take off without the walker I tire easier and my lungs rebel. This round of lack I understand that I need to take even more breaks and sit longer than my mind wants to sit. My mind is still active even if my body is not. I count today a good day because I had the sheets back on the bed by 12:30. These days I am accomplishing the goal of having the sheets washed and back on the bed around lunch time and I am proud of myself. I have made my medications up for the next week which means the days I struggle with brain fog I won't make a mistake. When I worked I found when learning a new job that I did not take notes right off. I took notes more when I attempted something more than once and was stuck that was the time I wrote down the step by step instructions. By using this principal I realized that I messed up taking my medications a few times so I came up with another game plan, making my medications up and dividing them into AM and PM. Now all I need to do is wake up and take my medications without having to think especially on brain fog days. My rest periods are lasting longer while I cope with a sluggish body and mind. I know in a few days I will be able to move about more so again. In the meantime I sleep, work in my recliner and move as I am able to move about. A few days ago I was moving around like crazy and now I have slowed way down. It seems like energy tends to be boom or bust these days. When I have a few good days I try to do all that I can do while the days my disability catches up with me I am learning to go with the flow. I no longer worry that I will stay in this mode from now on. We went to Modern Hardware the other day and I pushed myself around in the wheelchair. I am doing better in this chair than I was doing in Junior's wheelchair. My shoulders are still tiring rather easy but I was able to get around while he checked out and paid on our new wood burning stove. I have been exercising my shoulders for months and they still get tired which makes me think this is another area my disability is displaying itself. My thought is to do what I can and see if I can build up my muscles as best as possible. I push myself as much as I am able to. These days I know to stop and start giving myself long breaks in between. It helps me stay active, maybe not as strong and active as I once was but active enough. I believe that God has placed the simple life upon me so that I am able to live within my limitations and be satisfied. At the end of the day I am amazed at how much work I have been able to accomplish. My mind is being challenged learning new things and learning to do old things in a new way. I find great enjoyment as I complete another day of dehydrating food and I see the bottles, bags and plastic containers filling up. Junior found a squash that is ready to be cleaned and dehydrated from our garden. This week I have froze 3 quarts of blackberries. They take a long time to dehydrate and I am debating whether to keep them frozen or to dehydrate them. I will take this to prayer and ask God. We have had our first batch of blueberries from the bushes we bought this year and that was exciting. We have lots of rasphberries growing on our property so that harvest should be starting soon. Doing these things takes my mind off of my disability and I see I am able to do much more than I realized. God is good to us and to me by showing me I am able to keep going. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 16, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Talk about God being able to line things up at Just the right time! Oh my goodness, I have thought about my baptism again. I was baptized in the Russel Fork river a few years ago in November and the water was cold that day. In order to belong to the Southern Baptist church I was joining I knew I had to have a baptism by immersion. I had felt I would like to be baptized in this manner when I began my in earnest journey of faith, it was something I felt I needed for myself. This church provided the opportunity and I gladly accepted it. My thought was that my baptism was my crossing of the Red Sea moment like the Israelite's had when God took them out of Egypt. I had a lot of pain in my life that was trying to consume me and both Junior and I felt we were to leave Michigan. My moment was teaching me to let go of my years of bondage to pain and to begin a new life much like Israel did when they left Egypt. Like the Isrealite's I found myself wandering in the wilderness for the last few years trying to figure out my journey and understand how to let go, let God. Some days I got it and other days if I am honest with myself I still wanted to control the outcome. I believe the understanding was settling into my being when the kitchen became more of a kitchen rather than the chaos it had been for a few years. Last winter Junior got the one wall down, removed a lot of his tools and ladders and lined up some temporary units for storage and such. I began cooking and as spring came I looked for ways to preserve food, choosing dehydration. Since spring most of Junior's work has been on the porch cleaning off ladders, tools and stuff. Later we decided we needed to close up the porch so the fur children would not roam as they have been which meant more things came to live on the porch along with old things that needed to be gotten rid of or moved. In the meantime I began my cooking journey, homemade bread, jams and dehydrating. I spend several hours most days in our kitchen right now. A few nights ago Junior and I found ourselves on the front porch which is almost cleaned up again. We sat there watching lighting bugs light up the night sky and talking. It was at that moment I saw that I had started to finally cross over and take on the promised land. In the wilderness of growing through emotional pain, learning how to live in a broken body and letting go of the past I had a dream form, it was of living a simple life, a life the way God had created us to live. I remembered Irene and Dorothy and even Aunt Pat the women who taught me to cook, to clean and to care for my family. I longed to learn to live that life and then I saw that this is the life I am now living. I see the programs I am attracted to are mainly the homesteading type of life where the people are not depending on ready made groceries, heat etc. I am learning to be less dependent on others and more dependent on God's ways, the way He created us. We are to be in the world but not of the world and living a quiet simple life allowing me to rest in God, be strengthen by Him and then I am able to reach back to the world and give the hope I live. Our very first year here in SW VA found us without electricity for 11 days. From that point on I have wanted back up heat and electricity. Some day we will have an alternative electric supply, we are heating our home with propane and with wood/coal and now we are putting up food. If we are without power we are not in bad shape. We do have a generator for the electricity we need. We have food to eat and a wood stove we can heat food on. Knowing this brings me great comfort. My past hurts are staying in Michigan more these days and for that I am grateful. I am in awe of God laying all of this on my heart and the awesome thing is as I have begun sensing all of this God lined up today's Bible study to be about Joshua crossing the Jordan to begin to take God's people to their promised land. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 14, 2016

Greetings My Friend, As with most people I find myself getting caught up with day to day business. In retirement I am learning how to live with a broken body and as I build myself back to a sense of energy I have started doing more around the house. Since our kitchen has been mostly finished I have become a cook and putting up food for the winter. My food preparation is dehydrating which is mainly slicing and putting the food on the dehydrator. It still occupies a good portion of my day several days during the week. Since it is summer I am not as involved in in depth cleaning around the house but more of a glossing over daily routines like cleaning the bathroom and making the beds. I am enjoying myself a lot. In the evenings I have been cutting out squares so I can make a denim memory quilt. Before I start my day I do a Bible study, hang around on line and social media before entering into my day's physical work ending with writing for the blog. I love having my days filled with meaningful activity again and I have been pushing myself to do the work. Saturday we were invited to Debbie and Boogie's for an afternoon of celebrating the 4th of July. Junior and I went with our share of the food, spaghetti salad and buns. We loved chatting and hanging out, then sweetly curling up in their front room for an afternoon nap. It has been a long time since we celebrated a holiday with someone. After our visit ended we went by the church for the potato bar they put on for the holiday crowd of people. The day started with a parade, there was music in the park and later fireworks so the church felt a time to eat and watch movies allowed people to stay around for the day. Along with the baked potato bar the church showed 3 movies so people could enjoy the air conditioning too. We stayed long enough to eat a baked potato before we headed home. We got up and went to church on Sunday and when we got home both of us slept for a few hours. Later I cut up more squares and made dates and walnuts to snack on. Junior and I found ourselves spending time sitting on the front porch watching the lightening bugs light up the night sky. We chatted, the fur children were out there with us snoozing as we talked. In the midst of this quiet is when I discovered how awesome the rest of the afternoon had revived me. I realized that business is good but so is taking time outs and doing something different. Up until this year I had not gone outside in the evenings due to fear of wild animals coming out at night. I had given up on the fear and wondered out to the porch just to rest and enjoy myself and I did. Junior closed off the porch so the dogs could be in the front yard too. They have a way to choose to be on the porch, in the house or in the back yard. They all are contained now and that feels good. We had gotten into the habit of letting Brendy and Biggie out in the front yard because Val is the alpha dog and can be a bit strict with his children as he perceives them. After Chiari was hit we felt we needed to contain them so this project was begun and now it is finished. When money becomes available we will fence in the front yard too. While we sat there on the porch I felt I understood God when He rested on the 7th day more so. I also understood more fully when Jesus teaches us to come to Him with our burdens. In that still quiet with dogs and even Sammy and Jack our new kittens I felt so content. I realized that sometimes life does not work out the way I imagined it would and that sadness stays with me a lot. On the porch though I realized that sometimes you just need to let go and move on. My heart will always be prayerful things will change but if they don't, that is okay. I am so happy to be Junior's wife, the mother of our fur children and life is truly sweet. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 12, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Junior has slowed down on his renovating the kitchen and I am okay with it. I have a working kitchen which allows me to go to town cooking and putting up food for winter. He has started getting rid of a lot of things that take up too much space in our home and on our property. Each week on trash day he spends a few hours throwing out things and after the trash pick up he loads either the truck or the van with more things that can be donated or given away. After his nap we head off in search of where to take our unwanted items. Right now Junior has been working on the enclosed porch and 3 season room he built. In order to put down floors in the kitchen he has to have these areas available to move the furniture and appliances to. I had the front porch cleared off for a few weeks before he started dragging furniture and other odds and ends out on it which troubled me. Then we learned we need to keep the 3 dogs we allowed to roam in our yard.Junior wanted to enclose the front porch more so. He is just about done with this project and then all the dogs will be able to go out back or to the front porch. The front yard will be fenced at some point but for now the dogs can hang out on the porch. Next to our lot is an empty field and the owner is fencing this in. He would love for our dogs to roam around on the property so his things will be protected. Eventually we will be able to afford the fencing project and then our dogs will have nearly 2 acres between our open field and his open field. Now that the lattice is just about up and the gates to the openings are set in place the porch is getting clear again for me to move around. Junior needs to put some beams under the kitchen where the porch was so the thought is he will do this during the heat of summer. Come fall he wants to build a 2nd car port so both the truck and van will be under cover. My guess is the kitchen floor is more of a winter project. We have already used the opened up kitchen and found how we would like it to flow so he is also ready to begin building the cabinets and such. I am thankful for the process of renovating. When we first moved here we had hoped to hire the work done. When we could not find anyone willing to take our project on Junior decided to teach himself how and began the long process of renovating. It is this process that has helped me to get my mind working again. I wanted him to move quicker than he could and I wanted to get on with our retirement living of traveling and being involved within the community. I was also chronically tired and sick. As I started to get answers to some of my health issues I found myself grateful for the process because it was helping me redefine my routines. I had to let go of how I always did things and find ways to work differently, eat differently. I was still trying to cook foods I made when I had a family and our aging bodies could not tolerate anymore. The minute the kitchen was usable I found myself researching the internet for recipes and slowly our diet is changing. I sit as much as I can these days while I mix ingredients, cut up food etc. I am finding places to park the walker so it is not in the way as I move about the kitchen since I can hold onto things as I move about. What was an aggravation in the beginning is now a blessing. I have learned to understand Junior's crazy work style and I even have adopted some of his ways. Today I see how he needs to move between projects doing a few at the same time. He is able to work better with his back problems. His example helps me learn how to manage my own struggles with walking and tiring out. At the end of the day I see God's total understanding of what is best for us and I am truly amazed. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 9, 2016

Greetings My Friend, I did not see it when I copied the text that spoke to me after I read my morning's Bible study. I remembered that it spoke to me so I asked God if this was the topic to write on and when my eyes read the passage again I saw another statement about being pro life. The passage comes when Moses is giving final instructions before he is to die. "If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I command you today by loving the Lord your God, by walking in His ways, and by keeping His commandments and His statutes and His rule, then you shall live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless in the land you are entering to take possession of it." The part that hit me was ""then you shall live and multiply". God is a God of the living, not the dead. In the Garden He instructed Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply. After the flood He instructed Noah to go for and multiply. He did not teach go forth and reproduce to your own desires. God knew how many people would be born and how much the earth can handle so when He taught "Go forth and multiply," He meant that. I remember thinking I did not want to contribute to over population and besides I was not emotionally up to having a large family which was so expensive. You name it I thought it. I even felt I would rather a child not be born if it was going to be unwanted. All of this is of course before I began reading the Bible and attempting to live God's way. At the end of the day I find God truly knows what I can deal with and chances are I would not have had more than I could deal with. God did not set up the world to stay stagnant but to grow, to utilize all that He created. After man's fall we have done nothing but rearrange God's master plan to fit our own selfish desires. The more I am growing in my faith the more I desire to live the way we were created. God has given us an abundance of food choices which amazes me. The animal kingdom does not have the desire to eat all the foods we do. I think of cattle grazing on a hillside. Each day of their lives they eat fairly much the same food, grass in the summer and hay in the winter. Birds like worms and insects but humans eat all kinds of fruits, vegetables and meats. We harvest food and cook it, put it up for the winter months and we eat well if we will work for our food. God designed a female's body to bear children and the child is the result of a man and woman's interaction. Same sex couples can not conceive in the same as opposite sex couples. As I read the Bible I discover that God wants us to have children for Him, children to grow up knowing Him and choosing Him. My understanding is at the right time God will end this world and all that have chosen His Son will live eternally with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, 3 in 1. God commands the Israelites to teach their children His ways. The purpose is God is building a Kingdom of believers and the believers accept Jesus, believe God and allow the Holy Spirit to teach and to change believers to be more like Jesus. Somehow I think all this growing and changing is how eternity will look, loving our God and our neighbor as ourselves. We are to bring this hope to all we can and open the door for a personal relationship. God will convict the people He knows who have a genuine heart for Him. We don't know "who" will accept so we live our lives reaching, loving and giving a reason for our love and belief. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 7, 2016

Greetings My Friend Talk about irritated, I have got myself good and upset over getting my wheelchair to be delivered. I asked my PCP to write me a prescription for one. I have been using Junior's old chair he got 12 years ago when he retired for his back. He used it for a while and we kept it. I thought I would start with his to see if the wheelchair need was there. I have come to terms that I will need it so I asked my PCP to give me a prescription. Easy enough, I called the place that handles my CPAP machine and they said they would call the doctor. Simple enough or so I thought. I sat back and waited, got caught up with things like a car accident to deal with and soon I discover it was 2 weeks and I had not heard anything. A phone call revealed that the doctor did not send back the necessary paperwork so I had an appointment and I asked her about the information being sent. She looked on her computer and it had been sent. It went to another office within the same company and that office did not forward the paperwork. Once the right office got the paper work faxed over there was still some missing information. I called again and learned about the missing information so I placed another call to the doctor's office. I called the home health care company again and they had not got the information. Now it is 3 weeks later and I am real worked up. Sunday morning I did my usual read through the Bible study and a passage I read started tugging at me, "Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" I read some more about the birds of the air being cared for and fed by God and the last part read "are you not of more value than they?" Hmm, I thought some more then I got up and got ready for Sunday school. As God does He lined up this lesson I read earlier with that day's lesson in Sunday school. We were looking at worry and if we trust God then why are we worrying, in fact we are not trusting God. That is when the point of the lesson hit me. I had not taken my struggle to God. I placed the first call thinking it should be not problem. I placed the 2nd and 3rd calls thinking that would get the ball rolling and Saturday I found myself in a major funk. Actually it was not just the wheelchair that had me in that funk it was a combination of things, 2 car accidents inside of a month, an upset with my son, the wheelchair and my funk was taking me further into the pits. Add in the struggle to discover what is going on with my body and I was depressed. I talked with my girlfriend Marilyn and we discovered how low I had gotten. Saturday things began to turn but the wheelchair still wore on me then the Sunday school lesson and my Bible study showed me to take it to prayer. With prayer I found myself starting to let go. Monday is here and I asked God if I should call, He indicated to me that I should not. I trust God and I admit I was not happy with a "no" too. My internal dialog has been "Do not call, but....if God said do not call then don't....but...." I am making myself not call even though I believe God I find myself I hate to say this but I am unsure I will not get the answer I am looking for. I break this thought down and chastise myself because I need to believe God and to trust Him, even if I do not get the answer I want. The lack of trust is much like a slap in the face to God and I am ashamed. After this internal discussion I find myself letting go and letting God handle this easier. My faith teaches me that when I ask God to intervene I need to let Him do it and not question Him. I am ashamed but I also know God is a caring forgiving God if I truly will repent and let Him take over. Right now I do not know how this will turn out but I am not upset like I was last week. I will work on believing God in the meantime. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 5, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Anyone that has been following my faith journey knows how low I went after retirement with my health. PTSD was front and center and I could not let go of the hurts of life, tiredness engulfed me so bad and the ability to sleep became a huge problem. With the lack of sleep and tiredness I struggled to think my way out of a paper bag most days and no longer could make simple decisions. My lack of sleep gave me blackouts one of which I broke my vertebrae rolling down a hill. One by one my PCP has worked to help me over come and for a while as one problem got better a new one cropped up. I became the queen of vomiting and acid reflux, which took a year or more to work through. By then I had the CPAP which was starting to help me sleep better and a procedure to stretch my esophagus settled the vomiting and acid reflux along with medication. I still struggle with chocking on food and in the process my gait is off with me falling for a while. I have learned to slow down a lot and then I had to learn to slow down even more. Today I use a wheelchair when I am out and a walker at home. More recently I am exercising my core muscles which is allowing me to waddle off on my own steam more so. This journey has been long and hard one with a lot of crying out to God and learning to accept limitations and then learning where to push. God is my strength in this process and I am grateful for the journey and the ability to keep pushing. Today God revealed to me about 2 men in my life and my mother's role in guiding me to keep pushing against the odds. As most people who have followed me you also know that my upbringing was less than good. Part of my journey has been to learn to accept the harshness of this life I grew up in. In my older years the look back reveals what the dysfunction has given me which is strength to endure and to push past the harshness to keep growing. This environment is where I watched my mother go out and get a job not in a factory but in an office setting at a hospital, first she started in the cafeteria and went up from there. I watched my father deal with polio. Doctors did not expect him to survive when polio hit in his 20's, then they did not expect him to walk and he did both. Together Mom and Dad beat the odds changing roles and raising their family at a time men worked and women stayed home. Many women would have stayed home and not sought the job, Mom did. It is the environment that I grew into the fighter I am today. Marrying Junior an amputee has shown me how to keep going and then going further too. People are amazed he is an amputee because with pants on he walks like we all do. He worked past the limp and at 69 he is refurbishing our home. He is slow, he uses pulleys and other devices to do a lot of the heavy work for him. His back is messed up big time so he naps on and off all day but in 6 years of slow methodical work he is making progress. My gait has been getting worse and no one knows what is going on in my body. Recently we discovered that my symptoms line up with Mysenthias Gravis. I have been researching the symptoms and I am learning to rest even more. I have started building my core muscles and I have found myself more active than I have been in years. God has pointed me, directed both me and my doctor and I am making progress. I realized the push though with something I wrote. A friend responded that she has less energy than me and I felt embarrassed but as I thought I realized that my strength came from God, my parents and Junior. I did not know what a fighter I am until God revealed to me where I once was and where I am now. I can not take credit for anything but attempting to hear God and then to do as I was instructed. It is God who gave me the courage to push, the people to be me example and then it was up to me to go and do. I am learning that God gives blessings but we have to go and do in order to receive them. He is awesome beyond words. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 2, 2016

Greetings My Friend, I have found the information for now I need to be at peace. I still do not have an answer but I have found enough information to be comfortable with what is going on inside of my body. My tests results came back that I do not have Mysenthis Gravis or a Vitamin E deficency which was discouraging but not as much as before. Talking with my PCP we both thought that I was presenting as MG and for me researching MG has given me ideas of how to manage my day to day life which is working for me. My slowing down even more so and making myself rest for a few hours each day along with using the wheelchair or scooter when I am out has given me energy to do routine things like clean where my abilities will let me, cook, sew and put food up. When I am out using the wheelchair the running around still tires me out so again the wheelchair allows me to last longer than if I was walking with an aid like a walker or a shopping cart. I also am strengthening my core muscles so when I am at home I am able to do part of the day on my own steam especially in the kitchen where it is easier to walk holding onto the table, chairs and what have you. Sitting to mix ingredients, cut up things etc. saves me more energy. I usually work for an hour or two in the morning and I rest for a few hours in the afternoon. After dinner I may get up and do a few more things or do something like sewing or cutting squares for the quilt I am making. Because God led my PCP to look at MG and led me to research it I find the information given to benifit me more than Chiari Malformation and Ataxia has. Each of those other disorders gave me some information that is helping me as well but MG is giving me the most for now. In the meantime my PCP is helping me by referring me to an ENT and if this does not give us any answers she will send me to an university hospital. This too gives me peace because I feel like for the first time in a very long time that my disorder is being taken more serisously. I am not being passed along like the 2 neurologists have done with me. When I started talking with my PCP I wanted to have answers and a game plan. Today I am good with the referring me and somethings that are helping me. I see where God has been intervening on my behalf for some time. I can clearly see my time in VT helped me and my therapist gave me a piece of critical information. She told me that I had slowed down a lot but I needed to slow down even more. I was confused but she taught me that my rest periods needed to be even longer and slowly I realized that all the time on my feet needed to be less. It was a hard decision to use the wheelchair when I am out but I am very glad I overcame my pride and started using it. Because I did these things I can feel productive and useful again. Resting is vital to my vitality. I am even finding that I can take off without the walker for longer periods throughout the day and my knees are not buckling as quickly. I do not allow myself to walk all day on my own steam but I am able to do so without worry. Getting down on the floor and balancing then rising up has gotten easier because of the squats. I am grateful for the hand rails on a doorframe because I can grab onto those and do the squats so when I get down and rise up my thighs do not waver as much. God has opened the knowldege I needed to bring me the peace I was searching for and I am gratefully at peace. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet