July 7, 2016

Greetings My Friend Talk about irritated, I have got myself good and upset over getting my wheelchair to be delivered. I asked my PCP to write me a prescription for one. I have been using Junior's old chair he got 12 years ago when he retired for his back. He used it for a while and we kept it. I thought I would start with his to see if the wheelchair need was there. I have come to terms that I will need it so I asked my PCP to give me a prescription. Easy enough, I called the place that handles my CPAP machine and they said they would call the doctor. Simple enough or so I thought. I sat back and waited, got caught up with things like a car accident to deal with and soon I discover it was 2 weeks and I had not heard anything. A phone call revealed that the doctor did not send back the necessary paperwork so I had an appointment and I asked her about the information being sent. She looked on her computer and it had been sent. It went to another office within the same company and that office did not forward the paperwork. Once the right office got the paper work faxed over there was still some missing information. I called again and learned about the missing information so I placed another call to the doctor's office. I called the home health care company again and they had not got the information. Now it is 3 weeks later and I am real worked up. Sunday morning I did my usual read through the Bible study and a passage I read started tugging at me, "Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" I read some more about the birds of the air being cared for and fed by God and the last part read "are you not of more value than they?" Hmm, I thought some more then I got up and got ready for Sunday school. As God does He lined up this lesson I read earlier with that day's lesson in Sunday school. We were looking at worry and if we trust God then why are we worrying, in fact we are not trusting God. That is when the point of the lesson hit me. I had not taken my struggle to God. I placed the first call thinking it should be not problem. I placed the 2nd and 3rd calls thinking that would get the ball rolling and Saturday I found myself in a major funk. Actually it was not just the wheelchair that had me in that funk it was a combination of things, 2 car accidents inside of a month, an upset with my son, the wheelchair and my funk was taking me further into the pits. Add in the struggle to discover what is going on with my body and I was depressed. I talked with my girlfriend Marilyn and we discovered how low I had gotten. Saturday things began to turn but the wheelchair still wore on me then the Sunday school lesson and my Bible study showed me to take it to prayer. With prayer I found myself starting to let go. Monday is here and I asked God if I should call, He indicated to me that I should not. I trust God and I admit I was not happy with a "no" too. My internal dialog has been "Do not call, but....if God said do not call then don't....but...." I am making myself not call even though I believe God I find myself I hate to say this but I am unsure I will not get the answer I am looking for. I break this thought down and chastise myself because I need to believe God and to trust Him, even if I do not get the answer I want. The lack of trust is much like a slap in the face to God and I am ashamed. After this internal discussion I find myself letting go and letting God handle this easier. My faith teaches me that when I ask God to intervene I need to let Him do it and not question Him. I am ashamed but I also know God is a caring forgiving God if I truly will repent and let Him take over. Right now I do not know how this will turn out but I am not upset like I was last week. I will work on believing God in the meantime. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet