July 5, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Anyone that has been following my faith journey knows how low I went after retirement with my health. PTSD was front and center and I could not let go of the hurts of life, tiredness engulfed me so bad and the ability to sleep became a huge problem. With the lack of sleep and tiredness I struggled to think my way out of a paper bag most days and no longer could make simple decisions. My lack of sleep gave me blackouts one of which I broke my vertebrae rolling down a hill. One by one my PCP has worked to help me over come and for a while as one problem got better a new one cropped up. I became the queen of vomiting and acid reflux, which took a year or more to work through. By then I had the CPAP which was starting to help me sleep better and a procedure to stretch my esophagus settled the vomiting and acid reflux along with medication. I still struggle with chocking on food and in the process my gait is off with me falling for a while. I have learned to slow down a lot and then I had to learn to slow down even more. Today I use a wheelchair when I am out and a walker at home. More recently I am exercising my core muscles which is allowing me to waddle off on my own steam more so. This journey has been long and hard one with a lot of crying out to God and learning to accept limitations and then learning where to push. God is my strength in this process and I am grateful for the journey and the ability to keep pushing. Today God revealed to me about 2 men in my life and my mother's role in guiding me to keep pushing against the odds. As most people who have followed me you also know that my upbringing was less than good. Part of my journey has been to learn to accept the harshness of this life I grew up in. In my older years the look back reveals what the dysfunction has given me which is strength to endure and to push past the harshness to keep growing. This environment is where I watched my mother go out and get a job not in a factory but in an office setting at a hospital, first she started in the cafeteria and went up from there. I watched my father deal with polio. Doctors did not expect him to survive when polio hit in his 20's, then they did not expect him to walk and he did both. Together Mom and Dad beat the odds changing roles and raising their family at a time men worked and women stayed home. Many women would have stayed home and not sought the job, Mom did. It is the environment that I grew into the fighter I am today. Marrying Junior an amputee has shown me how to keep going and then going further too. People are amazed he is an amputee because with pants on he walks like we all do. He worked past the limp and at 69 he is refurbishing our home. He is slow, he uses pulleys and other devices to do a lot of the heavy work for him. His back is messed up big time so he naps on and off all day but in 6 years of slow methodical work he is making progress. My gait has been getting worse and no one knows what is going on in my body. Recently we discovered that my symptoms line up with Mysenthias Gravis. I have been researching the symptoms and I am learning to rest even more. I have started building my core muscles and I have found myself more active than I have been in years. God has pointed me, directed both me and my doctor and I am making progress. I realized the push though with something I wrote. A friend responded that she has less energy than me and I felt embarrassed but as I thought I realized that my strength came from God, my parents and Junior. I did not know what a fighter I am until God revealed to me where I once was and where I am now. I can not take credit for anything but attempting to hear God and then to do as I was instructed. It is God who gave me the courage to push, the people to be me example and then it was up to me to go and do. I am learning that God gives blessings but we have to go and do in order to receive them. He is awesome beyond words. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet