February 27 2016

February 27 2016 Greetings My Friend As I write it is the 1st day I am revamping my schedule. My therapist has suggested some of my balance issues is due to working too hard thus I am tired out and can’t keep my balance as well as when I am more rested. I have talked and thought so now it is time to implement the plan. This morning I am very tired so I am having a hard time getting up and moving. I am taking more time sitting. I changed my Bible study quiet time to the 1st thing I do in the morning. By the time I take my medications and medicate Daisy I have drank nearly a half a cup of tea ( my coffee drinking days are over with due digestive struggles.) With the caffeine in my system my brain has begun to engage. I admit I missed checking Facebook and my e-mails but recently when I went this route I was so sleepy I took a nap and some days I was putting off my study for a while. This way I am fresh and I can read and hear as I read. Because I have pushed myself with 3 days of Vestibular therapy and a busy day of going with Junior for one of his checkups and a meeting with our financial planner I am exhausted. I have worked myself up to working at least an hour at a stretch, even 2 hours. Around lunch time I am tired so I eat and then I rest for a couple of hours, mostly sleeping. For the rest of the day I am able to do short bursts of physical activity. The goal now is to work maybe 30 - 45 minutes and then sit for a good hour or even nap if I need to. If I am not sleepy I will do of my crafts. After a good rest I then hope to do some more work and stop later in the day. I know on one level that working past my level of endurance is never going to build me back to what I once was and on another I think I can. It is now time to get my head and heart operating on the same playing field. A lot of deep thinking has reminded me that I am in this condition because of attempting to burn the candle at both ends. I was great at multitasking and I even loved it but all that pushing myself has played havoc on me. I now am rethinking my way of doing things. Reality says my old ways were not as good as I always felt they were. Another sobering thought is if I keep pushing myself and I wear down even more that means Junior will continue to pick up more and more of my slack. I appreciate that he will but I also may be pushing his energy level too far too soon. If I slow down the thought is I will be able to be Junior’s helpmate for a longer period of time. I continue to learn that if I take the whole day to keep the house up that is okay. The days we run the house is in shape for when things slow down enough I am able to pick up where I left off. I see it is important to keep working at housekeeping instead of set aside a day for cleaning like in days gone by. I have learned to walk real slow, to use my walking stick and avoid doing things I can no longer handle like climbing on ladders. Now I need to implement the same thought and action to my day to day activities. I still am exercising and taking care of my body. I have come a long way from not hearing God’s direction to understanding His voice in the quiet of my spirit. As my therapist was making her suggestion I knew without a doubt the information was indeed what I needed to do. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 25 2016

`February 25 2016 Greetings My Friend There it is again. It can be so annoying and at times I want to flat out give up. The problem at the moment is I have found a direction to talk to my doctor about ataxia, the name of neurosurgeon and I finally have felt I needed to contact my PCP to get an appointment set up. I called first thing this morning and no answer. I call back a half hour later thinking they may have changed their hours and not the phone message, no answer. I am given a number to call and it is the after hours number so I call them to find out they won’t open until this afternoon do to bad weather. I call back in the afternoon and the message now says they are closed today due to the weather. Finding out if ataxia and chiari malformation are related has been next to impossible. No one on the online support groups seems to know. The therapist I go to for VT does not know. It seems like there is absolutely no information for me to find on this subject that is until today. The ataxia site today had a question about a person newly diagnosed with ataxia. One of the responses gave a website www.ataxia.org.uk so I checked it out and found out a lot of information. In reading the leaflet I discover that chiari and ataxia may be connected. Finally I have an answer. Now my question is why hasn’t my doctors told me they both are related. I get that my PCP is not able to know all fields but she sent me to a neurosurgeon who told my PCP that ataxia is my diagnosis. She knew the MRI I had after my accident stated I had CM so why not either tell me the 2 could be related or leave it at CM? I knew that my symptoms were found in both disorders. I mentioned several times that I have been chocked, had whiplash and head trauma due to abuse. All the doctor’s seemed to dismiss the fact that ataxia could be the result of injury. The leaflet and some other information has pointed to injury, alcohol abuse etc. After reading the leaflet I reflected how things were falling into place and a direction was taking shape. Today I decided that I needed to get into my PCP instead of waiting for my appointment in March and I have run into obstacle after obstacle. I notice this in other areas of life too. I am finally making headway with something I have been working on when things keep sidetracking me away from the direction I want to take, like if I get sidetracked enough I won’t go through with my plan. Usually I don’t associate the devil with my struggles in life. I figure it is me. More recently though I see that these struggles seem to appear as I get closer to where I want to be. As long as I am studying the problem, talking about the problem or contemplating it nothing major seems to be happening. When I start implementing what I learned, talked about etc. all of a sudden I run into annoying things keeping me from going through with my plan. If I persist, talk to God to make sure I am where He wants me to be and I go ahead even though the struggles keeps popping up, there comes a point that I am moving forward again. Part of my struggle has been “how long before I am in a wheelchair? Is this thing detrimental? Will I need surgery?” These things were polarizing me and I knew that answers would help me. Answers would give me a chance to absorb the facts and then move forward. Again I think satan was trying to keep me from having peace. I know God brings order to the chaos I feel so if I keep feeling chaotic it is not of God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 23 2016

February 25 2016 Greetings My Friend The part of Chronicles I am going through talks about how the Kings come to power, rule with wickedness and seek to control their people with brutality. Some kill of their brothers so none can have a chance to overtake him and become the next ruler. Many times as the slaughter is going a family member will snatch a young male relative and hide him until he is older. More often than not the child is hidden in the Temple and at the right time the child is then marched out with a lot of pomp. The community is making this child king. This child is the proper king that was to succeed the throne. As this child takes over the throne he will start off having a heart for God’s laws and following them. He may tear down all the other religions idles and destroy them He will lead the nation for a while at least with some their whole lives under God’s authority. As the king build’s power and riches he will often fall into man’s idea of authority. He becomes enamored with his riches, the number of weapons and men to fight his battles. One day at a time he walks away from God. Many in the world today follow the same path of believing in God, following God and then they walk away one day at a time until their faith looks pretty but has no substance. They know the right religious jargon and sound rather impressive. Next they fall into the trap of making God to fit their comfortable thoughts. They don’t read their Bible, pray or walk in God’s ways at all. Many other people don’t want to leave their comfortable ways of living either and it is not all about riches and glory. Sometimes people choose to worship God in their own way, not the way God wants them to worship, to serve or to give. Some fall into addictions and enjoy this lifestyle. Others fall into a lifestyle and after a time are disenchanted with it but can’t get away either. As a young person I remember thinking following the Bible was a lot of hard work, no one to guide me and fun was frowned upon. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about with those things that could destroy me. Fortunately I grew tired of this lifestyle early and began a journey of seeking God. I went back to church seeking to find a social network of friends who were not wanting to live on the wild side. My thinking was at least they had a desire to live more wholesome lives overall. It was a way to network and open the door for a job, a chance to build skills and walk away from the party lifestyle. It was also a good place to me to involve my children in activities in the hopes of keeping them from running the streets and getting into too much trouble. This lifestyle worked for a while but something still was not right. I wanted to follow a god of my own creation and it was starting to take shape in my life. At church married people seemed like they “knew” how to be happy, to be a couple and I was full of doubt. As a teen advisor I saw many teens who were troubled. I also noticed that the perfect marriages I thought were all around were less than stable and wonderful. I kept wishing I had a place to find what being a loving wife meant. I wanted something more. After my divorce I found myself in a church that was not afraid to admit that the leaders were searching. I learned how to study my Bible more fully looking to God to teach me about all those questions I had. They even had ministries for marriages, both first marriages and later for those who were divorced. They had retreats that matched the Bible on marriage. They even taught that men are made differently than women and their roles came together uniquely. My faith journey continues to evolve and I am still growing. The biggest lesson I learn is following God takes time and work. The more I saturate myself in God’s love, Word and prayer the more my life grows into love. I keep learning that the money I have is temporary so don’t rely completely on it. I learn if I trust, obey and go forth in the name of Jesus I will find strength and courage to face all of life and I will always have what I need to live life fully. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 20 2016

February 20 2016 Greetings My Friend Sometimes I meet the romance of God. I remember my first days and months with Him and the deep intimate romance of dancing around and around in a slow motion. Psalm 42 brought the dance back to me as I read, “As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for You O God. My soul thirsts for the living God. A little further in the Psalm reads “By day the Lord commands His steadfast love, and at night His song is with me a prayer to the God of my life.” The heat of love and passion now burn within me. In this deep love I find a love so deep and so wide and a strength burns in me. It is God’s strength being infused deep into me and I long to go forth and share this love. I always find the Psalms speaking deep into my own spirit. Sometimes my spirit is dancing with God’s spirit, swirling one way and then the next. It is a carefree dance and a longing at the sametime to never let go and to hang onto this moment. I used to feel this as Junior and I danced the slow songs. Those first slow dances were so hard, I longed so deeply to dance cheek to cheek to hear him whisper soft kindness into my ears. I longed to smile longingly at him and at first it was scary. Was this just a passing moment that will be gone when I opened my eyes? One night as I slept I remember I was dancing with God and He was assuring me that “He would never leave me or forsake me.” I woke with a determination to hang onto to this promise and to go forward reaching, speaking and loving for Him. The same thing started to happen in my slow dances with Junior, I knew he would not leave me, he loved me and I could show Him my love without fear. Junior’s hips were no longer able to sustain dancing and the slow dances were even harder. My body could not hold out either. I was tired sooner. I am glad we had these moments because I still remember them in my dreams. My dances with God had slowed down too. I was growing and loving it but the dances came less often and that was okay. I knew I was where I belonged. I have read this Psalm a number of times. The choir at church has sung it many times and we as a congregation have sung it. The moment I hear the music and begin to sing a deep satisfaction with life fills me. I feel I am singing this song to God and He is hearing my song in my heart right alongside of every worshiper singing it. I am alone with God and at the same time I am with every believer. Today’s Psalm/song seemed to be a renewal of my faith. I heard it in a new way also. I wrote it in my journal and I circled soul. Today I sensed my soul blending into God’s soul and each time after this when soul came I felt two souls flowing into each other. I have not had this poetic music in my heart in a long time. It was familiar, soothing and a huge comfort. I had words earlier with Junior, harsh words flew back and forth and I was at a loss as to what happened. We settled down, talked and allowed ourselves to understand each other’s struggle from our own view. Next I sat down to my Bible study and today’s reading included this beautiful song of the soul. I think God danced with me today teaching me that things will be okay, the clearing that has needed to be done is now over with and we will dance again God and I along with Junior in our dance of love for God and our marriage. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 28 2016

February 18 2016 Greetings My Friend Winter’s long dreary cold seems to have no end lately. We have had a foot of snow. We are in a super cold spell now with some more snow from yesterday. The goal is to get warm and stay warm. With wood floors I make sure my warm socks and slippers are on my feet as I move about the house. In a few months the goal will be to find ways to cool off from the heat. Twice a year we seek relief from the extremes of heat and cold. Sometimes I wonder if we can ever find that perfect medium where it is not to hot or too cold. I have found the extreme in love too. Some people are just too intense for me. While other people seem to never have any emotion at all. Even in relationships we seem to seek that balance of “just right.” When I find myself contemplating these things my mind turns to God’s Word. In Revelation I hear again the passage “You are neither too warm or too cold.” God wants us to have passion and not a fence sitting attitude. He wants to see if we truly want to follow His ways or are we more concerned about what other people think of us more than we worry about if God likes what we are doing. I lived that fence sitting well. I could blend into the woodwork and no one noticed me. I wanted to be noticed real bad but being noticed came with a huge price so I sunk back into the woodwork scared and alone. It was a long road to finding passion and reaching out and living in that passion. I desired to have passion but safety was more important. On that fence if I made a mistake I wasn’t noticed very often. My friend Marilyn understood me and drew out my inward thoughts. She told me often that I was a deep thinker and it was too hard for her to delve into the depth of my thoughts. She pulled those thoughts out of me and then they made her uncomfortable. She would listen though. She cared enough to keep pushing me out of my shell. Counseling started helping me to see many of my fears were shared by others and I was not as alone as I felt I was. God’s love is what gave me the freedom to fly. Today when people meet me they don’t meet that scared woman I once was. In fact I tease people all the time with “I am from Michigan and I have an opinion and I am not afraid to share it.” It seems to me that my life has it’s share of seasons too, too cold, too hot and then it has settled into a season of warm inviting passion. I have a passion for my Savior. When I think of my immersion baptism I recall being in the river and those moments where the minister spoke, asked me about my belief in Jesus. I said I believed and then I was dunked under the very cold November water. How fitting that I was baptised in November’s cold water. Going under that cold water was letting go and I chose to die to my old ways, the sin in my life. Under water for the briefest moment I was dead (figuratively) I let go of the old “me.” As I rose I entered into a new life in Jesus. Sometimes I see God’s lesson’s so clearly. For years I was satisfied with a sprinkle baptism. The thief on the cross did not get baptised and he went to paradise with Jesus because he believed with all his heart. The actual baptism for me as I went down and came up publicly proclaimed this new journey to all that were present. I recall it from time to time and I look at it like I do my jewelry as a reminder of a vow and a way of life I chose on that very cold wintery day. My season of blending in at all costs has ended. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 16 2016

February 16 2016 Greetings My Friend I have about had it with slipcovers for the chairs in the sitting room. I have used slipcovers bought from a store, old quilts and comforters, even sheets. They all looked nice as long as they stayed in place. The slipcover we bought looked good too but with so many dogs the cover was difficult to get on and off. I felt the slipcovers allowed us to keep the furniture clean and gave the room some color. Recently I started telling Junior that all my attempts to keep the covers clean which included a cover for pets is a pain in the neck. I wanted to have furniture that was nice and did not need covers and would be easy to keep clean. At present we can’t afford more new chairs. My recliner I had bought from Lazy Boy a couple of years ago started to rip. I had thought that microfiber meant it was durable. The chair has a lot of life in it so Junior found some upholstery fabric and spray glued it to the seat and the feet of the recliner. It looks like it was made this way. We are contemplating some other ideas for the other chair and glider in the sitting room. The TV room now is all leather furniture so we are able to wipe the chair and loveseat down. My thought is to keep a towel over the other furniture seats in the sitting room. As money becomes available we will buy leather. Again the upkeep will be easier. The other thing I have noticed is the leather recliner I bought Junior 17 or 18 years ago still looks good. It has one small rip in the arm. Each time I have to rework these things I find that I can refuse to change or learn to be flexible. Being flexible is easier than moaning and groaning and venting to each ear I happen to cross. I have found a way to be flexible with Junior’s clutter he leaves for me to stumble around. I have learned he truly can not see the struggle that this clutter brings me. A blanket statement about cleaning it up means move one piece of wood to him and he is proud of the work he done to help me. If I am able to I keep the area clean from clutter and slowly I have learned to see that this clutter is helping me to have a bit more agility. I have to think out each step, find something near to hang onto and I am making my way around better. The floors in the house are clear other than in the kitchen where he is working so that helps quite a bit. Sometimes the kitchen is way to hard for me to deal with so I ask Junior to do the cooking and he does. I have learned to make my requests short and sweet. Junior is able to process this easier than trying to make a more indepth request. Asking him to clear me a pathway is too difficult for him to process. To me it is a simple request but through the years I have found a sweeping statement is difficult for him. Junior is learning that I struggle sometimes doing things I have always done and that the think it out process is sometimes hard. For a while he could not understand why I knew how to do things and then I did not. The more we learn about my ataxia and chiari the more we understand what brain fog is. Life right now is teaching me how we all process information differently and that does not make us stupid just different. And that is okay. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 13 2016

February 13 2016 Greetings My Friend The season of romance is here. My current marriage has taught me the importance of keeping romance alive in our marriage. We loved going to singles dances and after we married we had weddings we attended for Single Point friends and for family and friends that had young people entering into marriage. We were able to keep the dancing going. My mother was still alive and we quickly found ourselves involved with her care so those dancing days were diminishing. Settling into marriage and 2 different work shifts meant altering our date nights to venues. Within a few years our date nights changed from active nights out to a trip to the grocery store. Going later in the evening was fun. The store was emptier, it was fun to steal kisses in an empty aisle. We giggled and had fun buying groceries. About the time I had cancer I found going to the movies harder to do. I was exhausted. After recovery I maintained that tiredness so coming home Friday nights and even on Saturday nights we watched videos. We were side by side and this worked. With our move to SW Virginia our dates changed again. We were learning a new area and around here everything we do is a drive. I love alone time on a drive. We chat, we plan the renovating, our next trip and we share ourselves. I love our rides. Tonight we will go to church for a Valentine dinner put on by the teens. Adults cook the meal, the teens serve the meal in black and white outfits. They play romantic music and we share time in a nice setting. The teens earn money for retreats. Junior and I look forward to this each year. Even shopping at Lowe’s is a date for us. Junior goes off to find what he is looking for. I take a walk around the store for some exercise. When I am done I find Junior and I follow him around until he checks out. We are apart and then together and it works out rather nicely. One of the things I love about this marriage is that we are setting goals regularly. We may be plotting how we want a room to be structured for our needs. When it is finished I seek Junior’s input for decorating. I want our home to reflect both of our personalities. We need to keep a steady stream of conversations going so we both have what we need and want in this home. Through the years I learned that dinner and a movie does not have to be the only way to date. We can date taking a walk, a hike or a weekend away. Each couple has their own idea of romance. I felt for a long time that Junior and I were not a romantic couple. Later I learned what romance is to one couple may not be that romantic to another. Many women like to have their hair combed or stroked. Not me and don’t try to rub on my feet. Romance to me is making time to do something with me. I need attention not a fancy gift or vacation. Junior has learned to touch me not constantly but gently and often. Junior likes it when I affirm him, the work of his hands, the parenting of our fur children. We have learned each other’s love language. It helps us hit that right spot. If you have never read the book “Five Love Languages” I recommend it. Love Janet

February 11 2016

February 11 2016 Greetings My Friend I was at the dentist recently getting my teeth cleaned and I began a conversation about my ataxia with the hygienist. I discovered that she has ataxia too. I was elated to have someone I know personally although minimally that has my disorder. For some reason I did not feel so alone even though the online support groups are very supportive and helpful. She is seeing a neurosurgeon who understands this disorder and was able to enlighten me further. I took the name of the neurosurgeon and will ask my doctor to set up an appointment, this is the way it done out here in SW Virginia. My neurosurgeon said I would not progress, did not tell me I had ataxia and did not educate me on either ataxia or chiari malformation since that is what I went to her for in the first place. I learned more with the online support network. I learned I also have ataxia and I am presenting as ataxia more the CM from my PCP patient sheet I receive and the audiologist I am seeing about my balance issues. When I finally asked my PCP she seemed surprised that I was not educated. I feel like I have been lost in the shuffle of medical mumbo jumbo and that feeling of not being worthy of information was overwhelming. The hygienist and I shared some of the struggles we have with people not understanding our invisible illness. It was at that moment the fog of confusion and the reality of my disorder took shape for me. I have been writing and attempting to educate others but I still felt so alone and different. I am learning the importance of community not only within the church but in day to day life. As a young at home mother I was alone because at that time in history most women went into the workforce. I had a child with multiple problems like delayed speech, anger which later I learned is a problem with people with hearing difficulties, poor eyesight but great physical ability and allergies. In later years I learned about ADHD and he was that and more at times. I needed a community of support. I only received comments that I spoiled him, he was a handful and such. The school was not much help either. He was a child who fell through all the cracks. At one point the school told me they did not want to bother with him until he became a problem. He eventually became a problem and the school blamed the home life and told me we needed to deal with the problems. With my newly diagnosed disorders the online groups have given me information, hugs and acceptance. This acceptance has given me the strength to keep looking and keep asking. God has guided me to these sites, showed me I have a purpose and that I am important. My relationship with God has been the first time I have been surrounded with caring and loving support. He acknowledged my pain with abuse, dysfunction and He has taken me by the hand and walked me out of my intense anger. The anger only clouded my thinking not allowing for an opening for insight. I was angry no one believed my son had issues. I was angry no one believed the things that I was enduring at home. I was a blank wall to my world to be kicked, overlooked and only needed once in awhile. I think community starts with God who points your steps and before long you find a community or many communities to handle life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 9 2016

February 9 2016 Greetings My Friend I see the vision more fully. One section of the wall still needs to be torn down. Junior has started moving partially finished cabinets over to the window. The new gas stove is already over there. The microwave has been moved and the rough look is taking shape. Add to the scene is newly fallen snow covering the trees in the woods and on the ground. It a beautiful scene from our kitchen window. Les calls Junior often and the men talk for long periods. Junior has learned the art of puttering around the kitchen cleaning while talking on the phone so the chaos he generally works in is not so cluttered. I am dealing with things being moved around again so finding where the silverware is or some pans is still confusing. The good thing is the confusion is not as drastic as has been. I am dealing with it better. With the cold weather Junior has had to stop to fix a few frozen pipes and then insulate them. This time around I am not frustrated or annoyed. I get the process. Five years into this process I finally understand. It helps that I see the vision and with 3 rooms, the front porch and the back deck under his belt I am excited to see this new creation take shape fully. We have been married 18 years in a few weeks and I see how we are meshing our individual ways of doing things into our relationship. Junior likes to toss his trash as he drives into the back seat or on the floor in the front seat. I was always searching for a way to keep the trash to a minimum. We have had car trash baskets and they did not work. I even devised a way to hang a cloth bag between the seats to toss trash into which kind of worked but not really. One trip we stopped to get fast food to eat. As we pulled the food out of the bag I opened up the bag and placed it on the front seat floor. We threw our wrappings in the bag and any other paper that needed to be discarded. The next time we stop we take the bag and put it in the trash can. In my subtle way I have organized my man and he likes this idea. Junior has taught me not to be so rigid about my routines. He shows me things still can get accomplished even though we get a bit side tracked. I have learned to work when I can and to start over from time to time. Sometimes the unplanned distraction or starting over has taught me a new way to do a job that is better than the way I have always done it. With another room being worked on and seeing a beginning of an end to it I know an end will come. It may a few years away and I am good with that. The renovating has been helpful to me even if I did not always understand it. I have learned to work differently with my disabilities. If things were done more quickly I don’t think I would not have been able to allow myself to learn new ways to do old things as easily. I started out slowly reentering doing housework again. The more my energy returned I was able to work into doing housework in retirement mode. I no longer needed to hurry through my work which was hard for me to let go of. Slow re-entry to housework has allowed me to see the need to work in a measured way. I found myself relying on God’s guidance which amazes me at how much He understands me so fully. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 6 2016

February 6 2016 Greetings My Friend Ash Wednesday is coming up soon and my mind is reflecting on Jesus, His gift to all who will receive His gift of salvation. I frequently take a deep look at the cross and the gruesome walk that lead to the cross and the horror of the cross itself. In deep sadness I begin the first steps of Jesus’ betrayal from a trusted and close member of His inner group. Jesus knows who is going to betray Him, He hints at it during the Last Supper. After the meal He goes to the garden and prays asking “Father take this cup of suffering from me, not my will but Your will.” As I read I see His anxiousness when he gets up and goes to the disciples, fuss’ at them because they are sleeping instead of praying. In His prayer time He sweats drops of blood. Our Lord knew what He was facing and was struggling. Lord Jesus prays His prayer 3 times when Father God sends angels to comfort Him. I believe He was comforted because when the soldiers came He went with them instead of running away. He allows Himself to be ridiculed, scourged ( the whip had various things tied to it) more times than allowed by the Jewish tradition my guess is at least 100 times. After Pontius Pilate tries to have Jesus released the Jewish people shouted to have Him crucified. So Pilate ordered that He be crucified. The soldiers played with Jesus by mocking Him with words and cruel acts. Shoving our Lord around screaming “if You are God save Yourself.” They put a set of royal robes on Him and gave Him a staff after the taunting Jesus was beaten with the staff, mostly on His face. The Bible teaches us that His face was disfigured. Next Jesus was ordered to carry His cross. He started out but due to the loss of blood and the great pain He was too weak to do so. A passerby was pressed into carrying His cross for Him. On the hill nails were pounded into His flesh. When I started this journey the nails are what my mind focused on and I cringed in empathy for Him. One time when reading the details of this last walk of His life I saw all the other horrible pain He went through before those nails. Even on the cross I saw more pain. There He is riding up and down on the cross struggling to pull air into His lungs and I see that already tender and abused back being ripped even more on the wood. The jaunts come again “If You are God save Yourself.” Up on the cross even one of the two thieves is jeering Him. The other senses that Jesus is truly Lord and asks to be in paradise with Jesus. Jesus tells him he will indeed be in paradise that very day with Him. There is that first sign of hope I have. This thief believes with all of his heart and he will be with Jesus. Our Savior eventually dies and I feel the moment of bitterness and pain from the followers. They leave, hide and are so confused. Three days later Jesus is risen. Here I am so joyous myself. The followers are shocked and surprised. After being with Jesus for 40 more days and watching Him ascend into heaven they go out and boldly proclaim the risen Christ. They will die to tell The Good News. This long and painful look strengthens my desire to do as Jesus told the disciples all those years ago, “Go forth making disciples of all nations.” This is my hope and my desire to pass the Good News to all and offer all people the chance of eternity in heaven. May God bless you and keep you and make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 4 2016

February 4 2016 Greetings My Friend, As I write today is Sunday. Each week I look forward to going to church with much anticipation. I am thrilled Junior has the same desire to be at church on Sunday alongside of me too. I have a strong need to be with other believers, studying the Word, praying for God to intercede in the lives of those we are in fellowship for and many who are not members of our church but need our prayers too. Most weeks I write a status on Facebook about going to church, sometimes I state “let’s all meet in church today.” The thought of the corporate body of Jesus meeting is exciting to me. We sing with one voice although many different songs but all to praise and glorify God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost. We meet in Sunday school to study and grow in our faith. We meet in prayer and praise. We have learned that “Wherever 2 or 3 are gathered there I will be also.” As services end we leave refreshed, refueled and prepared to enter the week. My desire and I am sure many other’s desire is to “Go forth making disciples of all nations.” Each one of us is called to work for God’s glory. When I think how large the corporate body of Christ is I cannot fathom how a little known woman in SW VA can be used for much of anything. The thing is, I am important, as important as the most eloquent evangelist, the preacher, the music director and even the missionary. I used to think as a member of the church body I might be a teen advisor, help with meals or even volunteer to put data into the computer for a special project but the bigger things, not me, I am a nobody. Wrong! God has taught me over and over again that my little piece is part of the big picture and it is all for His glory. My status update may encourage a borderline believer to give church a try, the try may lead to a true confession of faith. My words in a blog, a Facebook page may help someone see that God takes us where we are at and grows us so they may find the hope they have been searching for. Reaching out to my neighbors with encouragement, a helping hand or a friendly face has an impact that I may never even know about. I have grown to see that a nobody in particular woman is very special in God’s work. The more I accept this fact the more I desire to listen to God, to believe God and then to go out and work. I love an old hymn from my youth. I think this song has been calling me to God’s work field for a lifetime. It goes like this “Come labor on, who dares stand idle on the harvest plain. While all around him waves the golden grain. And to each servant does the master say, Go work today.” I see I am called to work, that the work will sometimes be difficult but I will find a reward for the work. For me the reward is now and later in eternity. I have felt the challenge and it feels good. I work with God’s guiding hand on me and marvel again that I a nobody did way more than I ever dreamed. Sometimes I will be rejected and God will heal my hurt, pat me on the back and send me out again. I sense at the end of my life I will know a fullness to my life of dedication. I like that I am not sitting waiting for the end to come but I am entering my life in fullness and joy. Eternity means I will spend it with God worshiping and praising and being thankful and I can not imagine it but I know it will be worth the effort of my life. I hope to meet y’all at church soon. Love Janet

February 2 2016

February 2 2016 Greetings My Friend When I sign on to Facebook today I see that I have a request to like someone’s page they set up. This page is a page for people to pray over requests the group will receive. It seems like along with other ministries God has given me praying as one also. From the first moments of my faith walk I have felt a need to pray. My first prayers were filled with each name I could possibly remember because I did not want anyone to not be prayed for. My main concern was salvation, it still is. Along the way I worried about some people right now. The first days turned into years and I would find people wanting me to pray for them. I tried to remember each request but to be honest I forgot. Making a journal was difficult since I would not always have my little note pad with me. My heart broke when I remembered I had forgotten. I started saying a quick popcorn prayer as I was being asked or as I walked away. I felt at least I prayed and I felt better about this. Retirement came and I felt lead to be online with social media. I found this area to be ripe with opportunities to pray. More often than not I see status’ explaining what was going on in people’s lives. I start praying when I see a need even if no one asked for prayer. I still do this today. After my fall and finding out I have Chiari I joined some help groups. My prayer life added these people. I felt a special bond with these people and the intensity of my prayer life grew. I was surprised about the intense physical pain my new found friends had. I find the same thing with the Ataxia people to, some have immense pain. These sites are teaching me things about my disorders, about invisible illness and how these people deal with others that don’t believe their struggle. Along with the pain and a deteriorating body and how others think they are making up all their problems I feel an immense sadness. I learned that people with invisible illness’ look “normal” enough so people disregard their struggles and choose to stay away. These sites help me to understand what is going on with my body and explain other things like my extreme tiredness. For some reason I also have bouts of insomnia too. At first each time I went through an energetic spell I thought I was going to walk from the deep exhaustion. Slowly I learn that energy days come and if I push myself I will crash and need to sleep and some days I could hardly move off the couch. Later I discovered I was not going to stay exhausted where I can’t move for more than a few days before I am up and moving slowly again. Today I know to roll with it and in short order I will be up and around again. My prayer life is teaching me that God is guiding me. I learned when to start using a cane later a walking stick. I learned to slow down so I would not fall as much. God led me to a doctor who “hears” me. I feel like I am her partner and together we figure out the next steps. When I received this latest group to pray for others I knew that I knew that I am part of God’s family. Prayer sustains me today. As I woke up from a nightmare I found I was talking to God. I feel like I truly in the family of God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you Love Janet