February 25 2016

`February 25 2016 Greetings My Friend There it is again. It can be so annoying and at times I want to flat out give up. The problem at the moment is I have found a direction to talk to my doctor about ataxia, the name of neurosurgeon and I finally have felt I needed to contact my PCP to get an appointment set up. I called first thing this morning and no answer. I call back a half hour later thinking they may have changed their hours and not the phone message, no answer. I am given a number to call and it is the after hours number so I call them to find out they won’t open until this afternoon do to bad weather. I call back in the afternoon and the message now says they are closed today due to the weather. Finding out if ataxia and chiari malformation are related has been next to impossible. No one on the online support groups seems to know. The therapist I go to for VT does not know. It seems like there is absolutely no information for me to find on this subject that is until today. The ataxia site today had a question about a person newly diagnosed with ataxia. One of the responses gave a website www.ataxia.org.uk so I checked it out and found out a lot of information. In reading the leaflet I discover that chiari and ataxia may be connected. Finally I have an answer. Now my question is why hasn’t my doctors told me they both are related. I get that my PCP is not able to know all fields but she sent me to a neurosurgeon who told my PCP that ataxia is my diagnosis. She knew the MRI I had after my accident stated I had CM so why not either tell me the 2 could be related or leave it at CM? I knew that my symptoms were found in both disorders. I mentioned several times that I have been chocked, had whiplash and head trauma due to abuse. All the doctor’s seemed to dismiss the fact that ataxia could be the result of injury. The leaflet and some other information has pointed to injury, alcohol abuse etc. After reading the leaflet I reflected how things were falling into place and a direction was taking shape. Today I decided that I needed to get into my PCP instead of waiting for my appointment in March and I have run into obstacle after obstacle. I notice this in other areas of life too. I am finally making headway with something I have been working on when things keep sidetracking me away from the direction I want to take, like if I get sidetracked enough I won’t go through with my plan. Usually I don’t associate the devil with my struggles in life. I figure it is me. More recently though I see that these struggles seem to appear as I get closer to where I want to be. As long as I am studying the problem, talking about the problem or contemplating it nothing major seems to be happening. When I start implementing what I learned, talked about etc. all of a sudden I run into annoying things keeping me from going through with my plan. If I persist, talk to God to make sure I am where He wants me to be and I go ahead even though the struggles keeps popping up, there comes a point that I am moving forward again. Part of my struggle has been “how long before I am in a wheelchair? Is this thing detrimental? Will I need surgery?” These things were polarizing me and I knew that answers would help me. Answers would give me a chance to absorb the facts and then move forward. Again I think satan was trying to keep me from having peace. I know God brings order to the chaos I feel so if I keep feeling chaotic it is not of God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet