Tuesday, June 30, 2015

June 30 2015

June 30 2015 Greetings My Friend I am reading Proverbs and this passage was one that stuck out today. The passage reads “Wealth gained hastily will dwindle but whoever gathers little by little will increase.” When I first started reading the Bible this passage spoke to me in regards to retirement and the way to prepare for retirement was to be a process. It has helped Junior and I to be comfortable in retirement. Today I saw a different meaning to wealth. To me I heard the word “healthy.” I saw my family doctor yesterday and she was so pleased with the progress I have made. Today as I read this passage I saw how much work I have been putting into being healthy and even coming back to being the houseworker I once was. The hardest lesson in both of these instances for me has been understanding that 10 minutes of work is better than doing nothing. As I was able to do 10 I built up to a 2nd and more short bursts of work. I was also learning to use my work to exercise my body with bending and stretching, squatting and even with chair exercises as I watched TV. Little by little my stamina grew, my body got stronger. Last year my niece and her husband taught me how to use Myfitnesspal on my phone and computer. I began logging what I ate each day along with the amount of work I was doing. For the first time in years I started to lose weight, my muscles were toned more and my energy level was bouncing back. The little by little building has taught me to tackle one problem at a time to keep on keepin on and a new life for me has emerged. As I have lost my balance I again have used this process to find ways to deal with my struggle and still be able to get around fairly well. When we went to Nashville recently we found ourselves walking a lot with the group. My first walks was an attempt to keep up with the able bodied people. I found myself stumbling a bit more and thankful the walker kept me upright. On one of the walks a couple of the guys with severe back problems came along and we all walked slower for them. At this point I realized I needed to slow down some more and as I did the stumbling went away. At this point I see the “wealth” in this Proverb to take on another meaning. I hear it teaching me that wealth is money but so much more also. My health is part of my wealth today. In the past it was easy to separate the 2 but after all the health issues has arose I am now more aware that my health is a part of my wealth. With my ADHD tendencies I want to do things quickly and to move into the next project. It has been hard for me to slow down this much but as I do I find a newness to life. I find fullness and joy too. God is teaching me that in my older years I can still be productive and useful only at a different pace. God has given me a confidence in my worth, my talent and my work whether homemaking, being a mother and grandmother or a writer. I have much to look forward to. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

Saturday, June 27, 2015

June 27 2015

June 27 2015 Greetings My Friend We are getting ready to go to Michigan for a week to visit friends and family. As we prepare I realize this is the 3rd trip in as many months. Part of me is ready to slow down and I am sure it will be a bit before we undertake another trip. This year warm weather has hit us early with the usual rain and I am feeling congested more so. In this thinking I see that as we make plans there may be more opportune times for us to go away. April and May were fairly easy on me as far as my lungs are concerned so it occurred to me that spring and fall may be the best for me. This self reflecting is helpful in the aspect that I am able to be more active and less sickly. Learning to work my body out not necessarily at a gym but in day to day activities is allowing me to move about more freely too. I do see that this has helped me to have a good quality of life. Then there are medications, supplements, essential oils that are helping me as well. Finally I am getting our diets in decent shape as far as eating less processed, less sweets and less fat. All of this thinking has helped me to get my cognitive abilities back to a comfortable level as well. Along with all the thinking about ways to stay healthy I have had to rethink housework again. As I retired I felt that I had learned how to get things done in short segments of time and keep up with all my other activities. I liked this idea and thought it would do me well in retirement giving me a lot of time to volunteer, work part time and travel. As my health declined I have had to learn new ways to do things. The chaos of moving and renovating put me in a stupor for a few years but now I see how it has made me come to a complete stop and then work back into what my body and mind can handle. I had to learn to be content with a much less active lifestyle and how to stay home more. My heart wanted to go out and do all I could for God. I saw this as volunteering, short term mission trips and heading up things like workshops and such. God has taught me that I can do a lot for Him in the quiet of our home. By being home more we have been available to reach out to our community and be friends with people. Sometimes we are available to take someone to the doctor’s, help with giving them a job we need done and such. Social media is a way to reach other people also. God has given me a talent for writing and He has helped me learn enough to get around on social media. I find that I have made many good friends and they are such a comfort at times as I believe I am to them. My active mind gets to engage with others throughout the day and my disabled body doesn’t have to keep moving in order to reach out and help people. God shows me that there is always work if I am willing. He teaches me to “be still and know that He is God” and in the process do the work He wants not what I want to do. In the end I am not wore out from doing all the “good works” I deem is right. It is a hard lesson but a valuable one. I find that I am as involved in God’s work today as I have ever been. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

Thursday, June 25, 2015

June 25 2015

June 25 2015 Greetings My I am on the front porch with my laptop. I find myself struggling with bronchitis and at the same time longing to go outside and sit so the porch sitting and writing sounds like a winner to me. Junior has found a contractor online and he is to come install a 2nd toilet in our laundry room. I believe Junior wants to get an idea of the quality of his work before seeing about asking him to do our other renovations. My prayer is this is the one to help Junior finish up the renovating process. Getting that 2nd part of the bathroom will mean that down the road we will have 3 and I am not upset with that either. I also hope Junior can get the plumbing hooked up for the washing machine which would give us a lot more room in our current bathroom. The birds are singing and I marvel as I listen to them. I will hear a bird or two over by the road and then almost like an answer I will hear birds towards the back of the property. It quiets down and I hear a small song. The dogs are sleeping at my feet and the breeze feels good. My heart keeps pondering if I should be out here at all. The humidity is 64%. I tell myself a bit longer and then I will go in. I will sit in the air conditioning with it pulling all the excess moisture out of the air. I will breathe deeply and enjoy the indoor time because I spent time outside enjoying God’s awesome sanctuary. Right now I have noodles cooling to make mac and tuna salad and we will have that for lunch. It is an easy meal to put together and the coolness tastes good on these hot days. I ponder all the foods we have to eat. God created cows to eat grass and hay and they are happy. We were created to taste an abundance of food and it feels good. As a wife and mother one the purest joys I have is cooking for my family. Some days I thank God for teaching me to cook because I enjoy my cooking so much. I marvel at the textures, the aromas and the smiling faces of those I cook for. To me this is the DNA God created in me to give to my family. Later I will make the bed, pick up, sweep and feel Junior’s contentment in our home. He feels my contentment as he creates the structure of our home. He understands that I am short, he has studied my likes and dislikes and strives to create with them in mind. More often than not we are on the same page as far as our tastes in decorating go which feels awesome. I trust him to make decisions from time to time when I am not around. As I sit here writing I understand on a deeper level that I am responding to the way God created me/us. The more I learn how to live the way I was created I find that I am at the place I need to be and I no longer question God. May God bless you and keep you Love Janet

Monday, June 22, 2015

June 23 2014

June 23 2015 Greetings My Friend Having more than one chronic illness means I am on a constant watch for things to avoid, to learn the triggers. Right now I am on a vigilance to avoid things that set off my breathing struggles. Heat, humidity and allergies are my triggers so as the digestive problems subside I now have to be watchful of these. The heat sets off Chiari symptoms also such as pain in my neck, the back of my skull and of course the straining headaches are reminding me that I need to keep coughing at bay as much as possible and eat enough fiber so as I do not get plugged up. I don’t have day in and day out pain like many of my contemporaries do but I do need to be watchful so as to not have things flare up bad. My shaky hands and dizziness play havoc in my day to day activities as well. I continue to see postings about invisible illness’ and I relate in a big way. I want to be understood, not pitied. Sometimes I can’t go, do whatever and my biggest desire is that I be accepted for my level at that moment. I like to ask for help when I need it too. Let me try to do it on my own first then ask if I need help. I am at the point I will ask for help right off if I am uncomfortable with doing something. There are other times I move too quickly and need a moment to regroup so patience is important as I rebalance myself etc. I am not a quitter and long to be acknowledged for my efforts not with pity but a true sense of appreciation. I took myself grocery shopping yesterday and at the register the cashier asked if I was okay. I learned to take stock that I was out of breath in a noticeable way. I was not sure until that moment I realized how much I had pushed myself. I gave her an explanation and she accepted what I told her without a lot of fussing. I appreciated that. I now know to take notice and to sit and rest if I need it. These struggles are a part of me now so I am not always aware as I would like to be. I keep learning and adjusting the best I can. In this heat and humidity I am vigilant to keep a watch on congestion. Today I sense it and attempt to clear it up with peppermint oil, slowing down and allergy medications. In doing this I take a look at the calendar and see the last time I had bronchitis was 4 months ago. Less often is good and if it happens now I know I did what I could. Part of me thinks that this attention to my breathing will mean that I won’t have as serious of a bout of bronchitis. I also will state on Facebook from time to time a struggle and then someone seems to get it. They relate they too struggle and my hope is that in some small way others understand. Again it is not about pity but a desire to be and do to the best of my ability. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

Saturday, June 20, 2015

June 20 2015

June 20 2015 Greetings My Friend Junior is putting a roof over the section of the porch he has extended. I see the vision finally and I am in awe. There will be one more extension to do and the front porch will be finished. He wants to build a 2nd car port for his truck when all this is done. Then both vehicles will be covered year round. At age 65 Junior took on the challenge to renovate our home. At first we looked for contractors to help with this and could not get any to come out and work on our home so he decided to do it himself. Out here there is a huge shortage of work and the few that do work are overloaded. I have learned from Junior how to handle declining abilities and still accomplish goals. I have also learned that there are things I should not attempt, a fall off the ladder taught me I should not even attempt them. We continue to make plans, to dream and then do what we can the best we can. Junior has found using a platform to lift him up so he isn’t stressing his back out on over his head projects keeps him moving longer and better. He no longer uses his muscles to lift up beams but has instituted a pulley system again so as to not stress his back. His weekly Chiropractic visits also help keep his back pliable. Our trip to Marilyn’s timeshare gave Junior a week off. He slowed down, slept a lot and he has come back to the renovating with more stamina. I learn it is good to work and give it what I can and I also learn timeouts are necessary as well. I learn to not stay comfortable in the timeouts or soon nothing will be accomplished. Sometimes I catch Junior having a conversation with himself and I realize that it isn’t just himself he is talking with but God. He is asking God how to do something and as he hears God’s direction Junior will do what He is being taught. We both are asking God for the extra help in finishing up the last of this renovating. Homeadvisor.com has given Junior some numbers to call and one person is possibly going to come out and give us an estimate…..he may or may not but at present I am in prayerful hope. I also believe that God has allowed Junior to take on this task because Junior needed it. He retired before he wanted to due to his back and he felt lost not having a job to go to. The renovating is that job. I also see as the end is in sight that Junior is ready to slow down and change his pace. We both like the idea of refinishing old furniture and building things from old things. I see this as the next phase in our retirement years. I also see that the “work” of getting back to a measure of health has been attempting to keep house again. Today I will run to the grocery store while Junior goes to his Chiropractic appointment thus freeing his time away so he can get back to work sooner. Now that I am back to a measure of my old self we can enter this next phase of our retirement more in sync with each other. I see God’s marvelous hand in making this phase take shape. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

Thursday, June 18, 2015

June 18 2015

June 18 2015 Greetings My Friend It is amazing how cool and how fresh the air smells after a rain. Along with a renewed desire to enter into the day I sometimes find a need to sleep a bit more. I remember getting upset thinking I was missing so much by sleeping. Lately I see that I have extended myself a bit too much and need time to get back to my usual energy level. Right now I am waking up from an extra long morning of napping. I got up at my usual time, ate breakfast and then I felt so tired. I went to prayer which lulled me into a deep sleep. As I wake up I have a sense of renewed energy, a comfort in my soul and now I am really ready to enter into this day. I have committed again this morning to give my life over and ask God to lead, guide and direct each step. My struggle is wanting what I desire so deeply in my heart. Knowing that God wants my best teaches me to be patient to wait and to ask for His will not my will. It is a commitment I enter into on and off as the desire speaks to my heart. The more I ask for God’s will the less my will rules over me. I know that God will give me and the others involved in my request the best for all of us. That thought helps me to ask again “Your will Lord.” It is a challenge to stay focused but the more I am able to give it back to God one more time the more peace I have and in that somewhere deep I know I will be good with God’s answer. Now that I have asked for God’s will a few times I am ready to leave the request alone and enter into my routines of cleaning and being Junior’s wife. I will sweep the floors, make the bed, make lunch and sit on the porch. I will snuggle with Daisy and love the other fur children as they walk by me, watching out for me. Yesterday I took the trash to the curb, which is a bit of a challenge. Val followed me watching out for me. He knows I stumble so he was letting me know he was beside me watching out for me. Bella will find my lap and snuggle. Each child fills a special spot in my heart. About now I understand that God is hugging me and loving me through these babies. Junior will notice some work I have been struggling with and I sense his pride in seeing me keep at it. My contentment sustains me and I enjoy the work of this day. I work on the freezer again trying to get it just right. I rework the vegetables and give the 2 bins on the shelves and find a home for my cherry pit neck pillow. I freeze it and it fits my neck and head when I need the ice on these areas. As I clean out the freezer I see we have several ice packs and my plan to keep ice for when the power goes out has been in place and I wasn’t aware of it. For now I sit a bit and write, take a snooze if needed and then the next goal is to work on the refrigerator getting that cleaned and reorganized again. The work keeps my mind from asking God over and over for the desire and His will. Business allows me to move into my day and accomplish tasks which makes me feel productive and useful. The true desire in my heart is “Trust and obey” so I am thankful to be about this days work. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

June 16 2015

June 16 2015 Greetings My Friend Slowly my quiet time is coming to an end. I have talked with God, studied His Word and Facebooked with friends and enjoyed the quiet of the morning. Junior and I ate breakfast outside enjoying the cool of the morning. Daisy my little buddy has found that the other dogs hang outside more so she snuggles with me a bit more and soaks up the love. The groomer explained that Daisy’s limping is a hip problem so I have started giving her glucosamine. Three days and I am amazed at how much better she is doing. Junior found a contractor who will work with the Veteran’s Administration and soon he will come give us a price. I keep sensing Junior is growing weary of renovating so I pray that he will get the help he needs. Junior has extended more of the deck and now working at putting the roof up. I hear him drilling and hammering as I write. My heart melts because I know this is a gift he is giving me. The more we hang outside on the deck the more grateful I am that he has labored to give me this gift. I still would like the kitchen to be finished but now I am content with our summer respite spots he has created and is still working on. I am thankful for God’s guidance in loving Junior. On my own Junior would be irritated and have given up due to my constant nagging. His organizational ways are not my ways and I don’t understand. God has taught me to let Junior go and do at his own pace. God has shown me the deep love Junior has for me and that Junior will finish what he starts even though at times it looks like he will never get done. Junior also senses that God is working with me to be patient and understanding so he continues giving me his best. I am thankful for this because I would not have met the creative talent he has. He knew next to nothing about renovating but he has taught himself along the way not accepting shoddy work so he will take things apart as many times as he needs to until he gets it right. I marvel at Junior’s tenacity. These little learning patience moments are a marvel to me because in them I sense that our relationship continues to deepen and our bond grows stronger. In the process of getting back to being as healthy as I can Junior has come to know my tenacity and I sense that he is proud of the work I am doing. I continue to ask God to show me and God is faithful. I have learned that doing workouts at the gym are not the only workouts I can do. God shows me to bend to stretch and to do day to day things that help me. He has given me a doctor who listens and puts me on the right track and then God shows me that there are also natural remedies to some of my struggles. I sense that my balance issues will settle down, my COPD is better not gone but better and I am thankful for God’s guidance once more. As I finish today’s thought I will begin to enter into my day and find it to be an awesome gift of life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

Saturday, June 13, 2015

June 13 2015

June 13 2015 Greetings My Friend Each day I make a few decisions. I decide to believe God once more. I decide to love Junior, my family and life. It is easy for me to fall into despair and one way I daily decide to enter into each day is to walk through my Facebook feed. For many years I started my day with the newspaper. I wanted to have an idea of what was happening in the world so I would be able to relate to those in my life and have some ability to reach out to them. When I married Junior he asked me to not read the paper due to a strike since he was in the union. I did not realize my addiction to reading the newspaper was in my life until I walked away from reading it. Slowly I found other routines such as writing Junior a letter each day before I left for work. He started work 3 hrs. before me so this was a way I could hug him when he came home each night. I began exercising, reading my Bible and journaling and slowly I was choosing to enter into my day with joy. Junior taught me that I did not need a lot of pretty words to pray but he taught me how to open my heart to God. God did not mind if I repeated myself, was unable to form my thoughts well I learned He wanted me to be as open and honest as I was able. He taught me to keep looking deeply into myself and slowly I was able to form my thoughts and then take them deeper with Him. One day I understood a love that was so deep and so wide and about as awesome as it gets. In this love I was learning to love others starting with Junior. I began to love my children on another level a healthier level. In this process I learned what Agape love was - seeking another person’s highest good and it felt right. Agape love teaches me to love not out of need but out of good. That means I don’t allow dysfunction to continue for the sake of needy love on my part. Sometimes that means I have to say “stop, no don’t do that and not today.” God kept pointing out areas that I put others before Him. He showed me my neediness and the more I understood He was going to be there through all the fires of life the safer I felt. At this point I see the “journey” again. I can’t change completely with one “Forgive me Lord for I have sinned and Jesus please be my Savior”. It is that daily decision to keep God focused and attempt to love the way God loves me. So that means I need to decide each day to love and let the hurts go. God takes my hurts from me and reminds me I don’t need to keep putting up that protective wall. He teaches me to go further and deeper and life is so sweet. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you Love Janet

Thursday, June 11, 2015

June 11 2015

June 11 2015 Greetings My Friend I am learning another lesson in “Be still and know that I am God.” I am learning to not tell each feeling, each thought I have to others. I am learning to tell God first. At times in my life it was for my good that I told everything that was done to me but today in safety I don’t need to keep a running commentary of each detail of my life. My friend taught me how to listen to the inner voice and to use it for writing. My first attempts were to tell the story, the pain, the joy of my life. I was once more a victim. Through the years I have had less of a need to feel all the pain because I felt God’s love in a way I had never felt love before. God has taken me by the hand and showed me that some things are between Him and me. He will “hear” my struggle and teach me to deal with it. The more I see God working with me and teaching me to walk away I am learning to not “tell” so much. When I first started writing my blog I read each one to Junior for a few years. Today for the most part I just write. I pray first “Father help me to write Your words, not my words.” Many times I go to prayer mainly the supplications for those I know and those I love along with some I barely know. This seems to clear my mind and opens my spirit. At first I reported how many page likes I had received and I was in awe. The more confidence I gained that was not needed. I found times when I wanted someone to know that God had truly called me to this ministry and would tell them the number of people that were reading my blog. God would ask me often “Am I enough?” I would respond “Yes.” The lesson I was learning was it is not important how many, who reads but how I respond to God. That need for acceptance in this world keeps growing less and less. God loves me and somehow that is enough. God also gives me so much, Junior, my son is coming back to me, my niece fills the daughter roll and our fur children seem to give me a reason to stay connected in my day to day life. I often saw how rich Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were and thought “money” was an indication of God’s approval. It is not. It is those little gifts that mean so much more. The first thing I do in the morning is get on Facebook. I scroll through the news feed giggling with the silly posts, growing stronger in my faith with the faith based posts and sharing life with others. Sometimes I enter into pain, sorrow alongside of another and sometimes I am happy for the joy they are in. Then I discover that many are walking beside me as well. Today I discovered my fear of being abandoned is leaving me. Today I don’t have to announce each accomplishment, each fear to the world. That feels so awesomely safe. I am learning to share my journey but not out of a need to be loved but out of a desire to show Jesus’ love to a sinner like me and the hope He gives to me to all of us. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

June 9 2015

June 9 2015 Greetings My Friend Another storm has passed and today is a new day to enter into the world with hope and joy. During this storm God showed me ways to live with nausea and vomiting. Essential oils and sea bands helped me to function and I am grateful to have discovered them. I had the stretching procedure for my esophagus and today I am moving through the day without a constant thought on keeping nausea at bay. I am going to continue using the essential oils and ginger tea to keep my digestive track in order as well. I looked back on my calendar and I notice that it has been 4 months since I have had bronchitis again all the natural things and medications are helping me a whole lot. Last week while I was away with Marilyn I found that going up and down stairs built up my stamina. I don’t have stairs at home but I will keep adding various forms of exercise to my day so that I can be more productive. I also know to stop and rest either for a little while or for a long period of time these days and that I am not a person that has a lot of stamina and that is okay. I can work within my abilities and in that I feel productive and useful. My routines have gone astray since going on vacation and having the procedure done yesterday. I have done these routines enough that today I will enter into them once more and our home will be clean, food will be made for us to eat and life will go on in its own rhythmic way. That sense of wholeness overflows within me. My wholeness comes from God who teaches me the way He has for me and shows me how to live the life He has given me. Spring, summer and early fall are my favorite times of the year so I relish the porch time so I can rest in between jobs. In these quiet moments I love smells, the sounds and the sun’s warmth as I sit in the shade of the porch. I again see God’s glorious creation and marvel. Life before I accepted Jesus was mostly painful and gray. Today I have struggles but they don’t overwhelm me like they used to. As I continue to grow in my relationship with God I know that He is not “going leave me or forsake me.” That passage alone gives me comfort beyond measure. In fact there are many more passages that help me to stay focused on Him and the gift of Jesus. I am thankful for the long hard look at the cross. For me at the cross I met the ugliness of sin, the love of God and the redemption I longed for but did not know I needed. I found courage at the cross as I hear Jesus pray once more “Father, take this cup of suffering from me, not my will but Your will.” I marvel at Jesus praying on the cross with a battered body “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” Jesus knows the pain of life the deepest pain and He is there right now interceding on my behalf. The struggles still come but today I know I am not alone and that is the courage I have to face life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

Saturday, June 6, 2015

June 6 2015

June 6 2015 Greetings My Friend It is once more that time of year I find myself stopping and taking a look back. I don’t plan on it but it comes anyway my nephew Doug died 24 years ago as a young boy on a field trip at school. With time the questions fade such as “What would?” In my mind he is still the 12 year old who left on a school science camp trip. I can’t even begin to form the teenager or the young man he would have been. I try to have anger at the school and it won’t come. It isn’t that I have a defeated attitude it is more like “he is gone, I/we miss him and time has covered the massive pain.” We have pain still but the pain is sad pain, I miss him pain and then with a sigh I let go and move into the day. Mom, Dad and Grandma’s anniversary of their death comes and I do take the “time out” to ponder and reflect. Dad and Mom died fairly young but not at a tender young age. They had their life story and I am able to recall the lessons and of course I am sad because we could not work out all that was between us. Same goes for my brother, I wish I knew how to fix such a struggle in our lives. My brother was young too but had lived to be in his 50’s so his life story is there as well. Doug’s life story was so full of promise and that is the hard part it was so short. He left an impact in those short few years though. Sometimes I hear from kids now adults that knew him and they often tell me what a caring young man he was. That feels good. I think of his sister Mary who was only four at the time and how she missed him, how she tenderly kept going to the casket to touch her beloved oldest brother and later how she carried a picture of him in her little girls purse. My heart feels for his sister and brother. I still feel his mother’s grief, his Dad’s grief. My own parents struggled too and I hurt for this pain again for them. Slowly as I walk through each of these moments I begin to reflect on his cousins grief before allowing my heart to move on. For some reason it is important to me to remember this young man to celebrate in some form the short life he lived. Today’s projects begin to fill my mind and I leave Doug again. I am sad because I am moving on and I am grateful to busy myself at the same time. I also find an urgency to talk about salvation to all I meet. The end will come and we will have had to choose Jesus or not either way we will have an eternity based on our choice. My desire, my love compels me to reach out with the love of the Gospel the best I can. I am not as concerned as I was for years that I may offend someone. I care too deeply to let it hinder me these days. To me I love people so much that I don’t want anyone to find themselves not in heaven walking with Jesus for eternity. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

Thursday, June 4, 2015

June 4 2015

June 4 2015 Greetings My Friend “And they walked with God in the cool of the day.” For some reason I am pulling this passage up a lot on these warm spring/summer like days. It seems like the cool of the morning or the cool of the evening I have quiet thoughts and make plans and live my life. In the heat of the day I do my work of loving Junior, writing, cleaning and cooking and in the cool I slow down or start out slow. This year I have given up worrying about my flabby arm look and I am wearing tank tops. With these on I am dealing with the heat so much better. To add to my comfort level I am able to put my hair up in a ponytail, small as it is. This too helps me deal with summer’s heat. The next thing I am learning is to move slower in the heat of the day and to hang out on the covered porch waiting for the coolness to venture out into the yard. I am enjoying summer like I have not enjoyed it in a long time. In the cool quietness I find myself talking with God about the littlest things such as how awesome our flowers are looking, the awe of hummingbirds visiting us again and the beauty of rolling mountains of green trees and patches of colorful flowers. In this quietness I sense God telling me again that “I am precious in His sight. The plans to prosper me not harm me and He will never leave me or forsake me.” At the start of my faith journey I kept hearing how important it was to memorize Scripture. I felt so sad when I could not memorize passages I picked out. I did notice certain passages that felt so tender, reassuring and speaking to me. One day as I was struggling I recalled a passage, part of it but enough that spoke to my spirit and gave me strength to face the challenge I was going through. Today I sense it isn’t about being able to memorize Scripture for the sake of memorizing it to quote to others at the drop of hat and show how much I am able recall. I think it is about learning those moments while reading that speak a lesson to me and remembering the lesson and even the words. Those are the passages that stay with me. I am a check it off my list kind of a woman so I felt that I needed to recall chapter and verse word by word. When I can let go of my to do list though I find myself absorbing and recalling much more than the rote memorization of word by word passages. One of the first Psalms I was introduced to as a child and even semi memorized was the 23rd Psalm. Today I know it more in the Revised Standard version that was around as a youngster. Now that I am reading newer versions I marvel at the different lessons I have learned from the same familiar passage. Still in my time of need I pretty much remember it the way I first learned it. I am finding that reading from different interpretations helps me understand the more difficult passages. I started my journey with the NIV Bible, went to the Chronological Bible for several years. The Chronological Bible helped me to understand the order in which things happened. When we moved to Virginia I started using the ESV Bible since our Minister read out of it at church and I am settled in that version for now anyway. A lady in our Sunday school class uses the Living Translation and will often read that as we work through our study each Sunday. It helps us too. Memorization comes when you commit to reading God’s Word and allowing the Holy Spirit to teach and guide you. Once more I also learn that the Holy Spirit is that quiet whisper on my heart. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

Monday, June 1, 2015

June 2 2015

June 2 2015 Greetings My Friend As I write I am spending time with a long time friend. We have been enjoying each others company for several days now and I appreciate the times we have had and will have even more so. After my divorce I had very few family and friends that still stayed in touch with me. Marilyn has stuck with me and allowed me to explore what went on in my life as a child and in my marriage. She was my sounding board and I am grateful that she did not get tired of hearing me ask questions and then ask again until it began to absorb into my being. Today we rarely talk about my past or her past. She also has shared her struggles with me through the years. We both had a crazy family life as children and we had struggles as adults we have worked through. Since my divorce and remarriage I have made new friends, healthier friends and they too have helped me a lot. My friend Debbie is helping me understand essential oils and she doesn’t seem to mind that I “hear from her” and then I relearn it again later from someone else. Being accepted and understood has been so helpful to me growing out of my dysfunctions. I have had to put words to the things I did not like. I learned to find what I did like. The more I learned to have likes I was able to let go of hurts, anger and resentment. Through the years I also accepted that those I loved and hurt had their own demons to deal with and they too were victims. When I can look at their struggles I find compassion in my heart. I am able to let go and to move on. This process has also taught me to seek healthier relationships. My counselor taught me that “healthy find healthy.” The more I absorbed this fact the more I attempted to be as healthy as I could be. It has paid off because overall I am in a healthy marriage, have healthy friends and I no longer enable as I once did. I enabled out of a false sense of love. Deep down I was needy so I would do whatever I could to “help” people even if it was not good for me or them. Part of my ministry for God is reaching back and befriending women who have walked down the road of life that I have. I for the most part don’t enable the person but in a roundabout way I am teaching them the skills I have learned. Some do use the skills I am able to teach. Some don’t and I am learning to not enable dysfunction. Sometimes they walk away. At one time I would have felt like a failure. Today I understand that the lessons I was able to teach are all they can receive at this point. I liken this to planting a seed. I may plant the seed, someone may come along and water the seed and eventually at the right time God will open their hearts to Him. Growing in God to me is all about learning to be in relationship. The stronger my relationship is with God the better I am able to learn how to be in relationship with those that are in my life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

July 16, 2018

Greetings my Friend, As I write I have been waking up for several hours already. With Parkinson's I don't roll out of bed anymore ...